Showing posts with label hamptons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hamptons. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Sombrero!

My phone is once again going through growing pains. Or having an emotional crisis that I, as a human being, cannot possibly comprehend. The issue is this: I am receiving texts, phone calls, and E-Mails, but am unable to send them. Isn't that weird? I've never even HEARD of anyone else having this problem. It's not a huge deal, as since I'm still at the beach I'm virtually unreachable anyway, and I'm getting it fixed tomorrow, but still. It's bothersome.

My friend Kaje sent me the Best. Picture. Ever. Just wanted to state that for the general public.

There are several bathing suit-clad children running around screaming and shooting each other with loud fake guns at the moment. My brother is actually the least violent among them.

I went on my Facebook for the first time in months yesterday. Still don't miss it.

325 pages now. The problem with this book is that it's a lot of things: there's crime, and some mystery, and a good deal of psychological fuckery, and ghosts and romance and lies and death. When people ask me to tell them what I'm writing, I either give them a woefully inaccurate one-sentence answer, or launch into a scene-by-scene retelling, complete with sound effects and hand gestures. The latter tends to leave my audience glazed over and confused. Must work on this.

When you're out playing mini-golf with your mother, brother (10), and three cousins (14, 11, and 10), and the most attractive guy you've ever met starts talking to you and flirting with you, and things are going really well for once, it is a law of nature and physics and probability that your brother will wail a ball that ricochets before finally smashing the attractive guy in the upper thigh. I wish I was kidding. I really, really do. There was a goddamn WELT where the ball hit him. His friend dragged him off to get ice. I fled the scene. My mother won't stop laughing about this.

Otherwise, it's been quiet. I'm enjoying the relative peace. I'm trying to get everyone to go see DARK KNIGHT (again - actually, it would be my third time), and getting mixed results.

Back to writing. And glaring hatefully at my computer. And trying to keep my cousins from eating all the sugar in the kitchen. Damn them.
- LV

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

And I Don't Know How To Use My Phone, Either

So, a major publishing company has fallen. Our E-Mail isn’t working today. Meaning I have even less work than usual. Meaning I finally have time to offer a real update. But I don’t feel like it. Instead, I’m going to tell you what I’ve done today.
• Scheduled an interview for a full-time job here in Adult Editorial, so I can get paid to basically do this. It’s tomorrow. Of course, I immediately wished I had scheduled it for Monday, so I would have more time to pick out an outfit, then wash it. I haven’t done laundry in a while. I bring a few outfits home to Jersey, do them there, and subsist on that each week.
• Planned all the book readings I’m going to for the next month or so. My shrink suggested it. Don’t judge me.
• Added about a hundred more books to my amazon wishlist.
• Counted the number of buttons on my phone (31, not including the receiver).
• Drank two large bottles of Diet Coke. Tried to figure out secret ingredients in Coke. Nearly blew up computer in attempt. Lost interest.
• Finished Crooked Little Vein, which is like love in book form.
• Read a manuscript.
• Sent increasingly panic-stricken text messages to my friend Esse, who is supposed to come over tonight, because the idea of being alone with my roommate fills me with fear. And urine.
• Spent roughly twenty minutes pondering the moral and ethical implications of spitting in my roommate’s shampoo. Decided against it, due to DNA testing.
• Spent roughly forty minutes trying to figure out how I could manage to lose TWO iPods, one of which is not mine, both of which are expected to be given to someone tomorrow.
• Wondered why the hell it’s called a Jitney.
• Pondered the sexuality of one of my coworkers.
• Discovered that in fact I have the only working E-Mail in the entire office, due to a glitch in the system, and because I forgot to turn it off last night. Decided against informing anyone.

Lunch was weird, too. I was with Kay, the Art Department intern, and Jay from upstairs. A random lady walked over to our table and sat near us. Kay was picking at her leftovers. The older lady – by no means homeless – asked if she could finish Kay’s food. And did. Never in my entire life have I seen that happen. It was essentially a What The Fuck moment.

What a thrilling life I do lead. Tomorrow I have a job interview, AND I’m going to the Hamptons to mooch off of my rich aunt’s beach house. Even though I hate the beach. I do, however, love getting away from the evil blonde baby-eater I live with. Or ostrich-fucker. She needs a new nickname. Any ideas?

May your E-Mail work all day, and may Tom Cruise stay away from your couch,
- LV