Aqua Teen Hunger Force Quotes: Season 2

"You killed us! I told you not to do it and you did it… anyways."
"No, I didn't!"
"Yes, you did."
"You so frickin' did!"

"There's no text messaging. This a suck phone."

"I'm calling Japan."
"WHO THE HELL DO YOU KNOW IN JAPAN?! NOBODY!"
"Hello, Japan?"
"NO!"
"Yes, connect me to Godzilla, please."

"Whoa! What happened to your butt? It's like a little shelter down here!"

"What's up with the razor?"
"Oh, well, I shave once every couple days. It's nerve-wracking. It's supposed to be."
"Well, it's not."
"YOU SHAVE UP THERE?!"

"Shh! You hear that? That's the sound of him not being here. You can thank me for that later."

"Are you depressed? Has our interest rates got you down? My name is Meatwad, and today I'm here to offer you a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Sell your organs! LIVE! Over the internet! Get money back on your baby! That didn't sound right. Where's my sheet?"

"Oh what? You're leavin'? What are you doin' you haven't even finished urinating on all of my house yet."

"This one time I rent me a pressure washer, start this business called 'Meatwad Pressure Washing.' But then I's told, 'You got to have a license for that.' I said, 'License? Hell! I ain't even s'posed to be in this country!' And then he got all mad."

"Put back my eyes so that I might furrow my brow, und express the anger I am feeling!"

"Oh, oh wait, uh hang on. Did you see like, a little naked dude, out in the street anywhere?"
"Uh, yeah. I think he's dead."
"Oh, are you serious? Well, when he wakes up, make him drink."

"He's not a monster! Monsters are supposed to be scary with claws und angry feet!"

"We don't need a toilet. The pile of clothes in the hallway has worked fine for us for years, and it will continue to work."
"I don't know whose clothes that is, but, someone ain't wearin' that again, I tell you that."

"If I woke up looking like that, I would run towards the nearest living thing and kill it."

"Is the defendant a minor?"
"Daddy! Daddy, you're home from your business trip! And you're sober!"
"Shake..."
"Mommy moved to the city with Mommy's friend Jerry! And he tried to hit me, Daddy! Not like you do, in an extra-mean way..."

"All right, have a crappy weekend. Hope your house burns down."

"Typical! Filthy humans! You have no respect for us trees!"
"He ripped my arms off!"
"Shut up! I didn't rip them!"

"Are you that guy that keeps telling me to beware? Because I'll tell you where to be..."

"Dude, your buddy here is givin' me a rash."
"He usually doesn't drink this much"
"I out-party you!"
"Shake, will you sit down?"
"P.D., I know how to throw… down. Dude! And I almost said 'throw up', but I didn't. I hold my booze! My booze!"
"Yeah, this is beer number two for him, right?"

"Oh, yeah, I forgot. I live next to a third world hell hole."

"What else is open besides, your mouth, when you're like kissing on some gay dude and like holding his, like, muscles cause his arms are just like, wrapped around you and you feel like so safe, cause you're like, not that you're gay or nothing, but god you just want to bury yourself in his chest and just live there forever"

"Excuse m-Excuse me?! Those are weapons! They are all laser-guided, and I get CRAZY if you touch them!"

"Are you here about the termites?"
"Oh yeah, partly. I'm certainly not gonna sign for any more packages with the word 'Congo' written in blood."

"When I say your dumb name, please stand up briefly, but then quickly drop to your knees and forsake all others before me."

"Hand Banana, I want you to meet… the Enforcer."
"I want my name to be 'Spaghetti.'

"And, technically, he's supposed to be spayed, and uh, he ain't that. I know that first hand. Go ahead, ask me how I know. Go ahead. Ask me. Ask me how I know."

"Carl is gonna join us, right?"
"Yeah-huh, but he said he'd rather take his food out on the lawn, where there are witnesses."

"I added food coloring 'cause it's a holiday, but it turned black 'cause I added all the food coloring I had. And I ate this butter straight out of the tub, 'cause it tastes good. There's a reason behind everything."

"This is your left, that's your left. This is your left, that's your left! This is your right, that's your right. This is your right, you're gonna die!"

"What the?! This closet was full of TVs the last time I checked and now there's none!"
"'Cause you keep breaking them."
"'Cause you keep pissing me off so bad! You should be lucky I'm thoughtful enough to throw the anger at the media… and not your buttocks!"

"Shake, every time you break a TV, where do you think it comes from?"
"Jesus."
"No, it's Santa Claus."
"It's the same thing."
"Ain't no Santa Claus, I know. I'm Jewish… from this day forward."

"When I call your name, please say 'here' and we'll assume the word 'here' to be short for 'here I am, rock you like a hurricane.'"
"You do as The Scorpions before you!"

"Well I'll tell you what, as long as I get these muffins, I don't give a crap what he does. He's a winner in my book. In fact, I'm gonna make a couple of dogs tonight. Start a restaurant with 'em, call it 'Dogs.' I'm gonna work on that name, too, because that does not seem good to me."

"I'm sorry Carl, but I think that you need to leave. You upsettin' Hand Banana."
"Heh heh, yeah, well, you know, he 'upset' me pretty bad too. I don't know if I can sleep anymore. You ever been raped by a dog?"
"Uh uh."
"See, I think that's what Hell is like, you know. Constantly raped by dogs."
"Carl—"
"That, you know, I don't know if I believe in God, but… I think he must hate me."
"Carl—"
"Because he allowed you to create a dog that constantly rapes me."

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Aqua Teen Hunger Force Quotes: Season 1

"Hi, I'm Happy Time Harry... and if you've got a problem with that, we can go... right now."

"I have not called for you, Frylock. What are you doing here?"
"... I live here."

"All right! The real rainbow! I did it! I brought happiness and joy to us all!"

"Master Shake said it would dissolve me and then I would get clogged in the filter and then beavers would come and eat me. But that hadn't happened yet."

"You sicken me with your lies."

"Alright, I'm gonna give this 'rainbow' thing another five minutes, and if it don't show up quick, then I am going down to the store and getting a hot-rod magazine. 'Cause they got the chicks with the boobs in there."

"Everybody hates me 'cause they die or get hurt."

"He told me to get in the freezer cause there was a carnival in there. There wasn't no carnival! It was a damn freezer! I got freezer burn and I got bunched up against that chicken."

"Idle hands spend time at the genitals, and you know how much God hates that."

"Let's go. They don't have nothin', it's like a flea market threw up in there."
"Look, a Bananarama tape!"
"That's mine! Drop it where you are!"

"Leave your eyes open, Meatwad. I wanna horrify you into a coma."

"You and your third dimension."
"What about it?"
"Oh, nothing; it's cute. We have five."
"Th-thousand."
"Yes, five thousand."
"Don't question it!"
"Oh yeah? Well I only see two."
"Well that sounds like a personal problem."

"Fry-man, we're full of religion now. Everyone, please, bow your heads and pretend to be serious."

"Dammit he needs his brain. Otherwise he 'just gonna float around forever saying 'Do what now?'!"
"Do what now?"

"We're here to steal your pornography and sodomize our vast imaginations."

"Is that you God?"
"Frylock, get away from the pool."

"Your neighbor, Carl, was gracious enough to let us rip him off and burn his furniture for no reason."

"This here's Vanessa. I know she looks like an apple, but she's actually a full-grown woman, and she fell in love with her boyfriend, Dewy, here, and they go off into outer space and then they... they get married."

"I hate nature! Now you get me a beer and a woman! I'll give that waterbed a workout!"

"Plaque is a figment of the liberal media and the dental industry to scare you into buying useless appliances and pastes. Now, I've read the arguments on both sides, and I haven't found any evidence yet to support the need to brush your teeth. Ever."
"I don't know how you'd know; you ain't got no teeth."
"Well I got rid of my teeth at a young age, because I'm straight. Teeth are for gay people. That's why fairies come and get 'em."
"If teeth make me gay then sign me up, 'cause I wish I had 'em."

"Someone stole my PDA, and I will ruin this house with my anger!"

"This is your captain speaking and welcome to the glass-bottom boat ride at the world famous Trenton Tar Pits. I just wanna let you all know I'm a convicted sex offender."

"Computer, search for teeth and plaque conspiracy. And Metallica."

"No, Frylock. 'The Highlander' was a documentary, and its events happened in real time."

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There Are Dead Mice Outside My Apartment

And I have no idea why. They look like they were mushed. It's kind of gross. Tiny mushy mouse bodies make Elle sad. And a little nauseous.

I don't really have anything to say, I just don't want to leave for work just yet. Yes, I am back at the Evil Corporate Bookstore after having spectacularly quit barely a week ago. I shame myself and others. Last night I watched AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE, and found myself laughing out loud. Never seem to get tired of it.

This week at work all employees get a massive discount, and I am buying accordingly. Which is a bit of a problem, considering my lack of cashflow. Also went to the STRAND today and bought a book, despite the best efforts of my friend Kay to curb my rampant book-buying compulsion. I may buy something today, then nothing else for a while. After all, ORDER OF THE PHOENIX comes out on Tuesday, and I need to buy it (along with the first and fourth movies, but let's not get into that right now).

One last thing: the new Will Christopher Baer book was SUPPOSED to come out last month. It didn't, and it's release date hasn't been updated. I am very, very annoyed by this, and need to find out who to complain to. For those of you ignorant of his genius, go buy the PHINEAS POE collection. So good. Like a love letter dipped in blood and acid, only not as wet or smelly.

OK, now I'm late.

May your Thursday be pleasant, and may the dead mice cease to exist outside my door.
- LV

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OK, for some reason, when I post from work I can't have a title. Which is probably a sign from the Gods of Publishing or the Gods of Hiring ElleVee So She Doesn't Have To Sell Her Organs For Food Money. But I digress.

My roommate is evil. EVIL. I'm sorry, but I need a moment's rant. After a long day at work, I come home intending to watch Aqua Teen Hunger Force and hold back tears of exhaustion. Instead, we have the following conversation:

Her: What are you watching?
Me: Aqua Teen.
Her: Oh, that's too bad. I was going to hang out with you, but now I can't. I don't like that show.
Me: You could try to like it.
Her: I have. I'll be in my room.
Me: I can hang out in here when you're watching Sex and the City.
Her: But you like that show.
Me: I used to. Before you made me watch every episode over ten times.

Then she later accused me of causing her to waste two hours of her life playing Tetris while I watched TV.

Here'a an update on work:
* Distribute roughly 1,000 books throughout the office.
- DONE. I distributed Cool Daddy Rat, Hey Mr. Choo Choo, Christopher Counting, Uncle Bobby's Wedding, and Stand Tall, Abe Lincoln. My back hurts, and I dropped one hundred copies of Mr. Choo Choo on my foot, but hey, who's complaining?
* Check the contact information for over 600 independent bookstores.
- I'm on page two. There are thirty-six. I don't want to talk about it. Anyone up for buying independent bookstores and turning them into rest homes for stressed-out readers?
* Read 175-page manuscript and write reader's report.
- DONE. And it was really good, incidentally. I'm hoping the title will change, so I'll hold off on saying what it is. But seriously, I nearly cried at my desk. Probably while the mysterious Intern Hiring Person strolled by.
* Read and edit 251-page manuscript and write reader's report.
- That's next. No problem, right? It would be, if I knew who the hell had given my the manuscript. She didn't introduce herself. Just shoved a box of paper into my hands, told me she needed it by the end of the week, and ran off laughing evilly. She also set fire to my hair.
* Handle slush (need I say more?)
- We are ignoring the ever-growing slush pile. If I don't look at it, it's not there. Maybe I can ask the Lady With No Name But Many Manuscripts to burn it next time she stops by.
* Have meeting with president of imprint to discuss Dean Koontz project.
- Pushed back to next Monday. AND she's buying me a sandwich. I'm hoping it comes with 'You're Hired!' mayo, as opposed to 'You're Getting Escorted Off The Premises' mustard.
* Write flap copy for children's book (and edit it).
- DONE. And she liked it! At least enough that she didn't spit in my face, or cry.
* Attend meeting on OTHER manuscript to determine if it goes to publishers.
- Moved to tomorrow. I read the book. I have opinions. What else do they want from me? They already have my TEARS.
*ave ANOTHER meeting with president of imprint to determine whether or not to purchase entirely different manuscript, which I just finished commenting on.
- Hasn't been mentioned. We're going to put it with the slush, and pretend it never existed.

And that pretty much sums up Life in The City. I have two minutes before I can ran screaming out of the building. I'm going to the Strand Annex today, because I EARNED my money, and to Klatch, an amazing coffee shop in the Financial District. You all should go. Their quiche could bring around world peace. Unless you're lactose intolerant. We don't want YOUR kind.

May your day be cool and not-sweaty, and may the crazy serial killer decide you look like too much of a fighter to bother with.
- LV

Title: Do Not Wear Platform Shoes When Lifting Fifty-Pound Boxes Unless You Really Hate Your Ankles

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