Dance With Us, GIR! Dance With Us Into Oblivion!

Blog
* I see no way this could end badly. Title is from Invader Zim.

Movie!Fail
* Behold a list of the 25 worst horror movies of the decade. A definitive list, I might say, because the Nicolase Cage remake of Wicker Man is the most hideous hunk of cinematic excrement ever shat out of the system. IT IS WORSE THAN TRANSFORMERS 2. IT IS THE LAST THING YOU SEE BEFORE YOU DIE. AND WTF WITH THE BEES? AND THE PLOT? YOU CAN'T JUST TAKE ONE OF THE BEST HORROR MOVIES EVER, AND TURN THIS

[Yes, that IS Christopher Lee, and he IS going to destroy you with the power of his voice]
INTO THIS:

[WHERE DID THE BEES COME FROM? DID I MISS THE BEES IN THE ORIGINAL?]

In conclusion, Nicolas Cage ruins everything, and I sincerely hope Ron Perlman EATS him in the movie they're doing together.

Comics
* Comics speak nothing but truth. So if they say knowledge hurts my tiny, girly brain, IT IS TRUE. Also low self esteem, being just-friends, and CLOWNS.

Knowledge
* All this input, and we're still a goddamn stupid society:

[Found at World's Best Ever]
I'd rather kill zombies than LEARN THINGS. What?

Words of Win
* I AM NEVER GOING IN A PUBLIC POOL AGAIN:

According to a survey taken by the Water Quality and Health Council, 17% of Americans—that's roughly 1 in 6— admit that they've peed in a public pool.

Daily Hot Guy

[Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who I liked before all of you (I liked him in Angels In the Outfield, WHAT WHAT), so therefore I get him. That's how the universe works. I just decided. Shut up.]

Epic!Win
* OMG. THE BIG LEBOWSKI GOT ALL SHAKESPEARED UP:

BLANCHE: Now thou seest what happens, Lebowski, when the agreements of honourable business stand compromised. If thou wouldst treat money as water, flowing as the gentle rain from heaven, why, then thou knowest water begets water; it will be a watery grave your rug, drowned in the weeping brook. Pray remember, Lebowski.

TRULY WE LIVE IN BLESSED TIMES.

Food!Win
* It is very, very cold, so I demand someone make me this:

[Found at Cooking On The Side]
It's honey-oatmeal bread. Make it for me. BUT NO RAISINS. GOD HELP YOU IF I FIND A SINGLE RAISIN BESMIRCHING THE DELICIOUS HONOR OF MY BREAD.

Nostalgia!Win
* When I was a kid, we didn't have Peter Jackson with his amazing movies and sexy actors acting out The Lord of the Rings trilogy. We didn't have Christopher Lee as Sauruman. WE HAD CARTOONS. Yes, kids, gather round Granny Elle. We had cartoons. But not cute little cartoons. No, we had the most twisted, FUCKED UP cartoons ever created by the hand of man.

LOOK AT THE HOBBIT:

[Found at Cover Shut]
HOLY SHIT. And now the Lord of the Rings cartoon trilogy is coming out on DVD, and it will traumatize a whole new generation of kids. NOW GET OFF MY LAWN, AND FETCH GRANNY ELLE A GIN AND TONIC.

Want
* If I have to explain why I want a Mario question block coin candy box THING, you have not been paying attention to this blog:

[Found at Neatorama]
Plus, if someone annoyed you, you could bash them over the head with the box, and then cheer when candy flies out. But if the person doesn't get up, have an alibi. Common sense.

Interwebz
* WIN.

[Found at Neatorama]
ROFLMFAO EPIC WIN.

Whut?

An Erie woman set a chair on fire and twice stabbed a door during an argument in her West 18th Street apartment early Thursday, police said.

That's show.... the other chairs.... and doors... in her apartment....

Girly!Want
* OMIGOD I NEED THESE SHOES IN MY CLOSET:

[Found at ShoeLust]
And they're 30% off! What a steal! So they're only....$609.00. Oh. If you need me, I'll be crying in the corner.

Life Lessons
* I do love winter, but it's FREEZING ALL THE TIME:

[Found at Indexed]

OK, kiddos. Happy Friday.
- LV

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Neil, It's Your Grief Counselors. We've Come To Hug.

Blog
* Dean Winchester giving out free hugs? Totally worth zombie attacks. Title is from Supernatural.

* Michelle is my friend, but she's also an obscenely talented artist. Like, sometimes I look at her work, and think, 'dammit, why can't I draw ANYTHING?' My favorite is probably her drawing of Death. She's nearing 10,000 pageviews, which is badass, but she deserves many, many more. So go check out her gallery. And be sickened by how great she is.

* I don't know if she drew this because I mentioned them, or if Erin drew this for reasons I cannot begin to comprehend. Either way:

[Drawn by Erin]
I finally, for the first time, comprehend Stephen Colbert's intense hatred and fear of bears. They ARE godless killing machines!

Politics
* Crush videos are fetish movies of people killing small animals, often by 'crushing them.' Yeah, that is all sorts of fucked up The Supreme Court had hearings on crush videos earlier this week. There is NO defending this sort of behavior. But some people are. It is NOT the same as fishing. Fishing doesn't involve smooshing the fish for sexual pleasure, and if it DOES, you are DOING IT WRONG.

* My resolve to ignore Michael Steele because he's sort of an ineffective bozo has faded. Because he keeps talking, and I either A) understand what he's saying and hate him, or B) don't understand him at all, get angry about not understanding, and hate him.

* The band Muse, (brilliant band, incidentally, even if Stephenie Meyers is trying to ruin them for everyone), asked Glenn Beck to retract his endorsement of them and their music. Mr. Beck had stated that he loved the band, and thought everyone should buy the album.

“They would like me to retract my endorsement,” Beck told listeners. “My apologies to Muse for saying that I like them. I didn’t mean to destroy all their credibility and all their coolness.

“It’s an awful album and you should never go out and buy it.”

Um, you all know my issues with Glenn Beck, but I sort of think this is a funny way to respond. Like, it's clever. DAMMIT, GLENN BECK. DO NOT AMUSE ME AND BE UNEXPECTEDLY FUNNY.

Then it turns out, at the end of the article, that Muse never contacted Glenn Beck, OR DID THEY? I don't know. Either way, it's funny because A) The band may or may not have asked Glenn Beck to not sell their music to his fans, and B) Glenn Beck's answer was rather brilliant. There, you happy? I gave credit where it was deserved. Fair and balanced.

Food
* FINALLY. In college, I frequently made the joke that I wanted caffeine to be in powder form so I could roll in it, absorb it through the skin, stay up for two weeks, and finish all my assignments. So this is very gratifying:

[Found at Crunch Gear]

These are Pixy Stix, only with pure, delicious caffeine in them. Each tube has 20% more caffeine than a cup of coffee (of which I am on my third). That is epic. I am going to buy out the entire stock, catch up on all my writing assignments, and RUN across the country.

Celebrity!Fail
* How hard is it to not cheat on your spouse? If you stop liking them, break up with them. Or go to counseling. Whatever. I am not married, so I don't know what it's like to be in that situation. But honestly, I don't think David Letterman deserves any sort of support for admitting he screwed around. It' doesn't make him noble. You shouldn't cheat. Plus he's very old, and sort of gross, yeah? I don't want to think about him doing ANYTHING with ANYONE, ever. That's his punishment. He is now a never-nude.

And yes, his monologue was indeed amusing, but that is HARDLY a defense.

Zombies
* There are great moments in zombie history. You should study them, and learn from the mistakes of others, that you may survive the oncoming apocalypse. Except for Bruce Campbell. He never makes mistakes. It's a gift. And we all know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the original Night Of The Living Dead is the quintessential zombie movie. There is no debating this. It is a fact of life. Like air. Re-Animator made me afraid to own a cat. Or wary of roommates.

Apocalypse How?
* Sometimes a product comes along that is so horrifying, so intrinsically stupid and evil and wrong, that you can point to it and say, 'There. There is when society crumbled beneath our feet.'

And what the hell is wrong with the women at the beginning of this ad? Are they REALLY sad about cake and cupcakes? Are they evil? NOBODY is ever made sad by baked sweets.

And it's a cake. With filling. You don't need to BUY anything to make this. I want to hit someone with the pan. And I know people who want to buy this. It saddens me. Truly, the End is Nigh.

Daily Hot Guy

[Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who was rather a revelation on Third Rock From The Sun, and then was in Mysterious Skin, which was an excellent film I never want to see again, and this picture keeps making me think of Billy Crudup in Watchmen, when he was wearing all those motion-sensor dots. Requested by KaishaBackwards, who needs to explain the dots in this picture.]

Conventions
* As if you needed another reason to go to the Big Apple Comic Con, the New York Geekcast will be there, and you could hang out with them, or get to say hi if nothing else. Maybe I WILL go, after all.

Dollhouse
* I'm sorry, OK? I didn't watch Dollhouse last night. I was watching Lie To Me, and knitting, and I didn't feel like fighting with the members of my household for control over the television, so I didn't, OK? And I still haven't watched last week. This article analyzes why even people like me, who adore Joss Whedon and WANT to love his work, are struggling with Dollhouse.
But I've heard Alpha Wash is returning, and going to kill people, so I will catch up with the show, just for him.
Friend: What would you do if Alpha killed Topher?
Me: I think I'd just go into the fetal position for a while. Why would you suggest such a thing? Joss Whedon hears all!
Friend: That's what you get for making fun of my love of Twilight.
Me: Yeah, but that sucks.

Epic!Fail
* I really, really hate clowns:

So a clown that can start fires, with his mind, is pretty much the end of it all for me. Except maybe a clown-bear-spider. Dennis Quaid as a clown is just wrong. I can't even talk about this anymore.

Books
* The new Iain M. Banks book, Transition, is supposed to be a gorgeous mind-screw, and I intend to buy it today, and write a review. In part because I lost my list of books I've read this year when I changed my Blogger format, and I am saddened by this, because I had over fifty books on that list. And because you can never have enough books. This is truth.

Childhood!Fail

see more Epic Fails

Doctor Who
* Reason number infinity I need to movie to England/Wales/somewhere awesome: I would have already seen the Doctor Who Greatest Moments, as opposed to trolling YouTube for clips, and finding nothing. Anyway, I like English food. What? It's good.

Inglourious Basterds
* I want Quentin Tarantino to make a Western/Gangster/Musical. With Neil Patrick Harris, Tim Roth, Jackie Earle Haley, Jensen Ackles, and... um... Sacha Baron Cohen. Admit it, you'd see that movie. Everyone would see that movie. Even Tarantino haters would rush to this film.
I like this picture of Mr. Tarantino:

And on the Tarantino scale of ugly shirts, this may be one of the best.

OK, enough for now. Much to do. Busy-ness and such.

Tomorrow I may not be able to post a blog entry, because I'm going to have the Best Day Ever, so I will probably post another entry later today, or do a super-duper one Monday, or... something. I don't know. There will be something special tomorrow, to make up for me rushing off to enjoy the Best Day Ever. Yes, it needs capital letters. Some things just do.
- LV

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I'm Not God, But If I Was, I'd Be An Angry God.

Blog
* If Emerson was God, I would have pie. Title is from Pushing Daisies.

Harry Potter
* My friend Sa made this same argument that we got no closure at the end of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, although she did make compelling argument for why Harry not being frozen actually made things more complicate. She's kind of a genius. And when I say kind of, I mean totally. I just wanted more Snape. And Lupin's part not to have been totally SHAFTED. But that's me.

Star Trek
* What could possibly make Star Trek any better? Answer: Stephen Colbert AND Star Trek:

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
J.J. Abrams
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Mark Sanford

I think we're all thinking the same thing: the sequel is going to be AMAZING. All hail Colbert, ruler of the Romulan empire!

Doctor Who
* Remember back ye olde times, when Doctor Who was a family-friendly kids show, essentially?

[Found at Wired]
Yeah. Those days are over. This takes place after Planet of the Dead, yes? Forgive me, I'm American. We know so little over here in the colonies. Although we did make Captain Jack Harkness, so you're welcome. ALSO, since that was my clever topic change to last night's Torchwood, I have only this to say (and no real spoilers, so don't worry: FORGET THE BEANS, RHYS. LEAVE THE BEANS. THE BEANS CAN WAIT. THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS THAN BEANS. DAMMIT. DAMMIT ALL TO HELL. OK, just needed to get that out of my system. Moving right along.

Vampires
* Here's an interview with actor Michael McMillian of True Blood, who plays the leader of the Fellowship of the Sun, that batshit insane anti-vampire group who doesn't realize that Sookie and Bill are having totally hot graveyard sex, or that Eric is the High Priest of Fierce. Also their sweaters are ugly, and the dude's wife is under the impression that Jason 'I Shall Be Naked And Sexing It For Always' Stackhouse is Jesus, which makes me feel good about being an atheist. Although ever since Barbie Buffy started sexing with Jason, for Christ, those segments have become moderately more interesting.

Comics
* First of all, just because you've seen Blade Runner does NOT mean you are a Philip K. Dick fan. Are we clear? No, taking lots of weird drugs doesn't count either. Spit that out right now. If you haven't read his books, go read them immediately if not sooner. I'm serious. They are great. THEN, maybe, if you write a decent book report, I'll let you read the comic version of Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? which I am fairly interested in, if only because Dick's books lend themselves so well to visual storytelling. And god help you if I catch you using SparkNotes.

People I Love
* I have no idea who this person is, but I love them. Desperately. I also love the ISS, for bringing this genius to life. Why don't I get Emails like this? Why is MY Inbox filled with nothing but spam and letters from family and friends? Where are MY wingnuts, dammit?!

Daily Hot Guy

[Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who I have loved since Third Rock From the Sun and Angels in the Outfield (YES!), who abruptly grew up and became a hot, talented actor, and I suddenly want to get into modeling. No reason]

Sequel!Fail
* They are making a third Bridget Jones movie. Look, I liked the first one. I have no problem admitting that. It was funny and sweet and clever, and I only wish the biggest problem in my life was choosing between Hugh Grant and Colin Firth, who are DELIGHTFUL. It was a good movie! I enjoyed it immensely. Plus I still quote it often, and Salman Rushdie was in it. Which is still weird, if you think about it.
Then they made the second. That was bad. The book was bad too, and involved Bridget trading sex for cigarettes in jail. But mainly my issue was that Bridget went sort of insane and brought most of her misery upon herself by acting like a crazy bitch. And she wasn't very nice to Mark Darcy. And the lesbian plot was just... baffling. SO MANY ISSUES.
So now a third. There is no reason for this. Is there even a third book? Bridget Jones should face off with Carrie Bradshow in a fight to the death. Winner gets to keep making shitty sequels. Loser is killed and skinned and worn as a coat by the winner. Because these women do not represent me. And no, I WON'T be seeing the third Bridget Jones, unless it's directed by Spike Jonze, written by Charlie Kauffman, and Russell Brand shows up and makes love to the camera. Those are my conditions.

Depression Session
* Wheee! This is a calculator that tells you how long you'll be in debt to the credit card companies! Hurrah and such! Although if the credit card companies collapse, obviously you won't have to worry about paying them back. For example, if your credit card balance is $1,000, and your APR is 17% (numbers chosen at random, based on the credit card commercial that just came on), you'll be in debt for seven years, if you incur no more charges and only pay off the minimum, which is all anybody will be able to afford! AND you'll pay $752 in interest charges! ISN'T THAT AWESOME?

That's all for now.
- LV

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