TERRORTACULAR

Note: For those of you following me on Twitter, I present the SUPER AWESOME SURPRISE OF THE WEEK:

Writer Stina, horror goddess, techno-wizard, finder of the awesome and the terrifying (and doler out of both) (Doler is now a word. Pass it on) is FEAR AND LOATHING'S first ever guest blogger. If you aren't reading Naps in the Library, you will not be spared when she becomes our overlord. So, I turn over the reins to Stina. Enjoy, and bow before her awe-inspiring awesome.

Words of Win
I decided to try the whole "Google, how about you go ahead and tell me what I'm searching for" thing, and came up with the most frightening thing in existence. Call me a horror writer if you like, but I've never been able to top something this terrifying.


Google knows fear. Do not doubt the Google.

Ad!Win
Technically, this isn't a real ad, but if it was, I would buy this 300 CD set.




I am the master of segues. Fear my mad segue skillz.

Inspiration!
David Wong is actually Jason Pargin of Illinois who, way back in the day, posted a little horror story on his blog for Halloween. The piece was a hit, and after receiving a large number of emails asking when the next installment would be, Pargin decided to keep writing.

This turned into a novel that was published by Permuted Press, a little publishing company that put the book out there for the world where Bubba Ho-Tep director/producer Don Coscarelli bought the film rights. It was then picked up by St. Martin's Press and re-released in
hardcover.

This right here is proof that if we have stories to tell, we can do it. Find out more about John
Dies at the End and give it a read. It's hilarious and terrifying. Also, there's a drug called "Soy Sauce" and a dog drives a pickup truck through a trailer after David talks to a bratwurst.

Trust me on this. BUY IT NOW.

Books

You want another seriously fantastic horror series to sink your teeth into? Well, if you're familiar with comic books at all (and knowing the type of readers that are usually on this blog, I'm wagering that you are... there's a good little comic fan!), the name Mike Carey will strike a chord with you. His works include The
Sandman, Lucifer, and Hellblazer to name a few (click here for a full list), but what Carey really impressed me with was a novel I stumbled across at a bookstore a couple of years ago and am
rediscovering now.



The lovely and talented Danielle Lavigne (who is a gorgeous human being all the way around) did a fabulous interview with Mike Carey for Octocon. This book helped me to finish my own
novel, and pumped me so full of evil ideas that I was writing like a madwoman. Well, moreso than usual. The second book in the series is just as fantastic, and I just received the third in the mail not too long ago, so I'm rereading them all.

Daily Hot Guy(s)

That's right. When Stina takes over, you get two. But, there is a price. You have to deal with my mini-rant.

VAMPIRES ARE NOT SPARKLING, MOPEY, WHINY LITTLE BITCH BOYS. THEY ARE
ALSO NOT KEANU-IN-THE-MATRIX-MEETS-WESLEY-SNIPES-IN-BLADE-MEETS-URBAN-FANTASY-FABIO-PARTING-CROWDS-OF-HUMANS-LIKE-CHARLTON-HESTON-PARTING-THE-RED-SEA-IN-THE-TEN-COMMANDMENTS.

Ahem.

So, since we've established that neither the Edward Cullen mold nor the KeanuBladeFabioHeston hell-hybrid, what exactly IS a vampire? CAN a vampire be sexy now that SparkleButt and KBFH have been eliminated?

Yes. Yes they can.

Exhibit A: The dramatic European-style vampire as played by Gerard Butler in Dracula 2000.

The man is Scottish. He has a Scottish accent. Excuse me while I go melt into a puddle.

Exhibit B: The legitimate bad-ass American vampire ready to rock your face off as played by Kiefer Sutherland in The Lost Boys.

I will totally eat Chinese food with you, lil' Kief.

I would like to draw attention to the fact that both of these vampires have FANGS, since VAMPIRES are SUPPOSED to have POINTY TEETH. SEE MY EXHIBITS C AND D WHILE I CONTINUE TO ABUSE THE CAPS LOCK.


Dracula has chompers!


Even Kief has teef! Er... teeth.

That's enough insanity for one day. If you enjoy my madness, pleasefeel free to visit me at the woefully-neglected-for-the-past-two-weeks Naps in the Library, and check out Monsters Under the Bed for random spurts of horror.

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Surrender, Small Mammal!

Blog
* I want an excuse to say this in daily life. Title is from Bone.

I really do adore Erin's work, but seriously:

[Drawn by Erin]
Dude, he is like TOO CUTE. I want to HUG the serial killer. My first reaction to Freddy, child killer and twisted bastard, should not be, "DAW! It's OK, Freddy! I shall hug you and love you." He looks so SAD. I love him. He looks chagrined! And his widdle claw! And his HAT! I'm going to blame this on Erin. She's too talented. I want a squeezable Freddy doll. But he's EVIL. But he feels BAD about it! Look how she's confusing me!

* Megan reminds me that Dominic Monaghan is super hot, which reminds me he's going to be on FlashForward with Seth Macfarlane, who's also super-hot and has a voice of PRON, and Joseph Fiennes and John Cho aren't exactly rough on the eyes, and now I'll be in my bunk.

Oh, and Salad Fingers is still scary as hell. You shouldn't be allowed to show those videos anymore.

* DEADPOOL! Theresa is the high priestess of all things Deadpool. I just decided. And she teaches us important lessons, like why Deadpool rules, and how you can break the fourth wall, and that liquor makes Deadpool even meaner! More importantly, I think someone needs a webseries about Widdle Wade and Snuggly Freddy, narrated by Dominic Monaghan.

Vampires
* EW. An energy drink that has the look and nutritional value of blood. Let me say that again, for the cheap seats: EW.

[Found at Geekologie]
And here's the part that really bugs me: It tastes like fruit punch. It has the consistency of BLOOD, but tastes like FRUIT PUNCH. That's disgusting. I don't know why, out of all the ick this product possesses, that the flavor would bother me so intensely.

Let's be clear: This product is either going to be purchased A) as a gag gift for some reason, or B) Because they really, really want to be vampires. Now, the first group doesn't give a shit what it tastes like. It's doubtful they'll drink it, or if they do it will be mixed with booze. The second group wants AUTHENTICITY. Or not fruit-punch flavored synthetic blood. They're more likely to imbibe tomato juice or red wine. It's cheaper, for one thing.

And I know this is all about the vampire craze sweeping the nation (did I just type that?) but you product people are missing the point by a country mile. It doesn't matter if you're bottling real blood and flavoring it with fruit punch. People are going to buy it if Robert Patinson drinks it. I hate to be so crass, but it's the truth. You do a candid shot of the dude slurping down one of those blood-packs, they won't be able to keep them on the shelves.

Although if someone buys this for me, I will drink it. For science. And to freak people out.

Ad!Fail
* I spend a lot of time screaming at my Mac, because it hates me and sometimes just explodes because it's an ornery little shit. But I love it. And while the Mac/PC commercials have been mocked endlessly (as they should be, although Justin Long is pretty adorable), they are the highest echelon of art compared to this ad for Microsoft:

I hate this so much. This makes me want to wreck the internet with my misery. It's awful. This is the worst party ever, including the birthday party I went to as a kid where the magician threw up on the presents. I would never hold a launch party. I like my friends. I would never put them through this. I wouldn't put my ENEMIES through this. I feel sick. I love you, Mac. Never do this to me.

I do need to mention that I would bet good money that the old lady wants to beat the shit out of the young lady. They don't like each other. The video would have been improved by total and insane violence.

Journalism
* Katie Couric's salary is $15 million a year.
NPR spends $11 million a year on its morning AND evening show. COMBINED.
NPR spends $9.4 million on its foreign bureaus.
In other news, the zombie of Edward R. Murrow has been seen rising from the grave and asking for directions to the homes of CBS executives.

Art
* These are gorgeous pictures that remind me of the images they used to show us as kids, where there's an old lady's face and it becomes a young woman's face, and vice versa, only these are smart. And the phrase 'negative space' would be a sick band name:

[Found at SuperBalanced]
I chose this picture because it took me ages to see the picture within the picture, and now that I can I feel very smug.

Watchmen
* I want this lunch box:

[Found by SheepTerror at Urban Collector]
Because, let's face it, you'd rather me clutch the thing and giggle then see your precious children trying to emulate Rorschach, right? So, really, it would be a public SERVICE if I owned one. Keeping this AWAY from your perfect little spawn.... Fuck it. I'll buy it myself.

* Why, when I saw these images, was my first thought, 'I want to bang their heads against a table with GLEE':

[Found at Watchmen Comic Movie]
These are the cutest things on the whole planet. If THEY teamed up with Widdle Freddy.... the world would be a strange and alarming place, and I'm not sure what I'd do anymore. Yes I do. I'd play Little Big Planet, and have Rorschach solve the puzzles of my HEART.

Daily Hot Guy

[John Barrowman, AKA Captain Jack Harkness from Torchwood and Doctor Who. I'm not mad at YOU, Mr. Barrowman. You seem charming and lovely, and are comfortable being naked, and very funny when interviewed, and you are half of my OTP for Torchwood and your kiss with David Tennant features on this blog more often than it really has a reason to. HOWEVER. I am very cross with Captain Harkness, reason: Children of the Earth, and I don't like being angry at fictional characters, because it's INSANE, and kind of pointless. As for you, Mr. Barrowman, I've heard you're quite fabulous in La Cage Aux Folles, and if you're on Desperate Housewives, I'll sit through your episodes, I GUESS. But only because you said the phrase, 'beautiful Welsh vowels.]

Comics
* Um, guys? Why is there a Tim Gunn comic? I know about this, and have for a while. I just... I don't understand. Why is there a comic of him? Who decided this was a good market? Has anyone read this? Was it any good?

A comic about a fashion guru should not raise so many questions.

Tattoo Of Win
* Doesn't this guy look like Shia LeBouf?

[Found at LOLTATZ]
He does, right? Right?

Moment Of Win

see more Fail Blog

Russell Brand
* Mr. Brand dresses like the orgasmic, divine god of sex and humor that he is, and I wouldn't want him any other way:

[Found at Diary of A Fashion Muse]
Have I defended his hair recently? It's wonderful, too.

Politics
* You don't have to like the President, but you DO have to learn to spell your insults correctly:

[Found at Unique Daily]
Can we agree on that? I don't care what you say, but your spelling mistakes bother me terribly.

* Does anyone else just feel bad for Michael Steele? He seems so lost in his own party? I was going to snark at the guy because this is a stupid statement, but you know what? It's not worth it. Happy Thursday, Mr. Steele. Hope you're doing well.

* This video of Nancy Pelosi shedding tears over angry people

makes me think of that line from Arrested Development, as uttered by the inimitable Lucille Bluth: 'I want to cry so bad, but I don't think I can spare the moisture.'

I'm trying to horrify you into a coma.

Food
* I'm going to roast a porpoise. The internet shows me how. And it's from England. And I'll serve it to Spider Jerusalem, because he is the Patron Saint of weird foods.

Celebrity!Fail
* Are we all done joking about Kanye West's interruption? Yes? Good, then I will finally post this link to a site about how you can Kanye-fy any website you desire. Because it is no longer popular.
This kind of make me laugh, though.
And here's this website, Kanye-fied.

Yeah, the thrill wears off pretty quickly.

Zombies
* Who's excited about Zombieland? Answer; Everyone on the planet, ever. Yes, ever. Here are trailers and clips, to increase the delight and fear of the undead within your soul.

Apocalypse How?
* Uwe Boll made a movie. It didn't suck.

Game over.

WHY is it so freaking cold in the office? I have had so much caffeine, I can actually see molecules FLOATING in the air. Trufax.
- LV

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I May Throw Up On You.

Blog
* Call me crazy, but if it's Dr. Chris Pine or Karl Urban, I won't get so upset. Title is from Star Trek.

* Due to Megan's most recent blog entry, I am now envisioning a TV show which features Jackie Earle Haley AND Fran Kranz. My brain is pleased with this.

* This pizza reminds me of the pizza in All Dogs Fo To Heaven. I don't know why:

[Drawn by Erin]
And I'd like to thank Hollywood for not remaking All Dogs Go To Heaven. Yet. The moronically bad sequels hurt me enough.

Heroes
* Chameleon!Sylar?

No, I need to see my Sybrows. This is a deleted scene from Season 2. No I still have not watched the premiere of Heroes I am doing it today, I have been ill and have a LOT of TV watching to catch up on.

Glee
* Well, here is one show we don't have to worry about getting cancelled. Glee has gotten a full-season pick-up by FOX. HUZZAH. Now let's go focus on Dollhouse, which I am VERY worried about. Maybe they need more singing on Dollhouse? SOMEONE CALL NPH.

Hunter S. Thompson
* A gonzo eulogy for the late, great master. I still feel sad whenever I imagine what he would have said about Sarah Palin. CAN YOU IMAGINE? I love this essay. It's sad and beautiful.

Vampires
* I AM SO DISPLEASED BY THIS NEWS. Let's go to Good/Bad Bullet Points on Lost Boys 3: The Thirst:
- GOOD: Corey Feldman as Edgar Frogg. He was one of my first crushes (SHUT UP, did you SEE Stand By Me and The Goonies, you heathens?), and Edgar Frogg remains one of my most favoritest characters.
- BAD: No Corey Haim. Because the cut scenes from Lost Boys 2: The Tribe featuring Haim were kind of fabulous. Stop having a feud, Two Coreys. Think of your fans.
- GOOD: Jamison Newslander is coming back as Alan Frogg, and since he was bitten according to the Lost Boys lore, Edgar will have the angst, which I enjoy. (Unless they cut that aspect, and then I will be PISSED, but Edgar TALKED about losing his brother to the vampires, and ANYWAY it was in the comic, which also was not especially good.)
- BAD: This article mocks The Tribe. You fail to understand that the ORIGINAL was corny and lame and had TERRIBLE HAIR, but that is why we love it so. And yes, of COURSE Lost Boys 2: The Tribe was not a good movie. But I love it, and I think it's FUN, and sometimes that's more important than anything else, OK? Also, Corey Feldman was ordained a minister. That's RIGHTEOUS.
- EPIC BAD: There is a Twilight reference in Lost Boys 3: The Thirst. Yeah. And it doesn't involve Edgar Frogg destroying Edward Cullen. He is HIRED by a Stephenie Meyers-type, to save her son, or some bullshit. NO, LOST BOYS! DO NOT FALL UNDER THE SPARKLY SPELL!
What's next? From Dusk 'Till Dawn: Super Sparkly Edition? NO. I was kidding. Please don't even joke about that.
PS Yeah, I am still excited about Lost Boys 3: The Thirst. Why? Because I think it may be my favorite vampire franchise, BECAUSE it is so corny (except for FDTD, obviously) and it's fun and lame, and Corey FREAKING Feldman. Leave me alone. Interview With The Vampire sucked. Yeah, I said it.

Nostalgia!Win
* I love The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly. The International Society of Supervillains explains why Lee Van Cleef was one of the best villains, ever. He still scares me. If you haven't seen this movie, you are BARELY human. And don't give me that shit about not liking Westerns. You know who doesn't like Westerns? Puppy Kickers. TRUFAX.

Daily Hot Guy

[Crispin Glover, who may be one of the creepiest DHGs EVER. But it's true. There is something very attractive about a super-creepy, tall, dark, skinny madman. And Willard was a great movie. And his hair fascinates me. Requested by Adrian Johnson, artist supreme and Watchmen fangirl.]

Steampunk
* I had a huge debate with my friend over whether this shoe qualified as Steampunk:

[Found at Incredible Things]
He said Yes. I said No. I said it was cyberpunk if anything, but clearly NOTHING, because it's made by Nike which sort of goes against the whole theory of punk, in general.
He said I was stupid, and wrong.
We both agree the shoes are shiny, though. Your thoughts?

Ad!Fail
* This could also be Ad!Win:

[Found at World Of Wonder]
It's really a matter of perspective.

FlashForward
* I didn't know it was one word. I apologize. Did you watch the premiere? I liked it a lot, while at the same time having almost no clue as to what the hell was going on. But I can't say I care much, because A) Seth Macfarlane was in it, B) It was beautifully shot, C) If it turns into the new Lost, I will have watched it from the beginning, so I will be confused with CONTEXT, D) The cast is very pretty, and E) I love John Cho. Oh, and F) CHARLIE FROM LOST IS ON THE SHOW! WHY WAS I NOT INFORMED?!
So if this is the post-Lost TeeVee world, I say bravo. Bring it on.

Journalism
* The Washington Post does not like depressing stories. They only publish happy stories. The Washington Post will soon be the shortest newspaper on the planet.

Art
* I love D*Face:

[Found at Wired]
But Batman doesn't so much.

Watchmen
* This is, all joking aside, one of the greatest and best things ever to come from Watchmen fandom. No, look:

[Found at Watchdom]
THEY DO THE WHOLE BOOK. I'm serious, it's so good. It even made me a tiny bit teary, and Walter would like you to know he is NOT. HOMOSEXUAL. And the tree doesn't know WHAT an Owlship is. I love this so much. It should be published, so that world peace may be achieved in our time.

* This is Rorschach as a duck:

You don't have to understand. I love you, DancesWithElvis.

* Everything good happens on the West Coast, which depresses me so much because I live in New Jersey, and while we have many cool things here, we do not have the Scream Awards. So this opportunity to get free tickets is WASTED on me. But maybe one of you guys can go, and see the awards, and have a great time, and take pictures for me? Because I gave you the link? Yes?

* I'm not the only one with mixed feelings about the Ultimate Cut:
puina | TweetPhoto

Shared via AddThis
But I am also not Caro, so I can't express myself well.

Comics
* I just finished Bone last night. Yes, I know, I disappoint everyone, let's not go into it. But I loved it. Like, more than I should. I wanted it to be longer (and I purchased the ridiculous, weapon-sized freaking single edition, so that is saying a LOT) and I love Phoney Bone and Bartleby, and I want quiche. I don't know, it just should be read while eating quiche. And Jeff Smith is making more Bone-related projects! So I'm up on Bone INFORMATION.
OK, yes, Serena_Eliza told me about it. BUT STILL. Yeah, I am not a leader of Bone information.

Tattoo Of Win
* See, I'm sure there are people out there that this is a kink for:

[Found at LOLTATZ]
And random tattoo question: Does getting a tattoo on your ass hurt? Not the getting of the tattoo (I have two, and would like more. I KNOW what they feel like. But how do you sit down with that? You have to treat tattoos so delicately. I just can't imagine having to wrap my butt and not put any pressure on it for what, a week or two?

Words Of Win

see more Fail Blog

It's cold, wet, and rainy. Perfect for popcorn, alcohol, and watching geeked-out TV while your humble blogger recovers from her skull-crushing sinus infection.
- LV

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It Only Seems Like High School. Actually, It's Much Worse.

Blog
* Meaning there's pee on ALL the toilet seats, and the gossip is ALL about you. Title is from Daria, which I miss.

TeeVee
* Premieres week starts tonight! I am terribly excited , and need to remember to set my DVR, otherwise I will be bereft. Tonight we have Heroes, House, and Castle. And then next week Lie To Me resumes. Yay! A night of Zachary Quinto, Hugh Laurie, and Nathan Fillion? It's too bad they're not all on a show together. I would end up in a joy coma.

* Speaking of Nathan Fillion and Joy Comas, this was the best part of the Emmy's last night:

Dear NPH, I love you. I want to be best friends and I'd also like a hug. You are awesome. Team Dr. Horrible!

WhedonVerse
* It's all Joss Whedon, all the time! OK, not really. This is just a crazy random happenstance. But Dollhouse is back on Friday, and with Dollhouse comes the return of Alpha Wash, crown prince of crazy. It will be the best thing ever, that night. Just lisren to Mr. Whedon talk. Use your words:
 

People I Love
* Oh, International Society of Supervillains. Please, please handle all my spam mail from now on. For the sake of my psyche. And because you are geniuses, and it would amuse you to annihilate these FOOLS.

Depression Session
* Hey, guess what? I know we're in a depression recession. I know people have less money, and things are tough all around, and that concessions have to be made. Sacrifices, even. All that aside, I am NOT paying money, on a vacation, to sleep in a bed made out of hay.
You can do that. Have fun. I'll be over here being sane, on the couch. With no hay.

Jersey!Fail
* This person and his tattoo does not represent me, or my state:

[Found at LOLTATZ]
Although now I'm thinking of all sorts of creative pit hair stylings that could amuse the tattoo-owner for months, if not years. He'll have time. Believe me, he'll have time.

Daily Hot Guy

[Ewan McGregor, who I could say funny and clever things about, but just look at his eyes and feel your cares melt away. Where the hell has he been, lately? I'd like him to make another movie with Christopher Eccleston and Danny Boyle. NOW.]

Fandom
* This is the best terrible Star Wars costume ever made:

[Found by Dolour Inviolate]
No, I'm serious. This is amazing. He dressed up as The Death Star. WHO DOES THAT?! That's awesome. I want someone to dress up as Serenity. Or the Enterprise. Why not? It's more interesting than the same old Spock and Luke Skywalker costumes, yeah? There are more bad costumes here, but I'm still planning an all-ship costume contest. It will be SWEET.

Vampires
* Oh, COME ON. Vampires are going to save the music industry? How? By Edward Cullen playing shitty piano ballads to his crazy-eyed girlfriend? Oh, wait, by co-opting all these artists I have liked for a long time and sticking them on shitty Twilight CDs. OK. Well, I've become rather dead emotionally after you started promoting Wuthering Heights as 'Edward and Bella's favorite book!' so I guess I almost expect you to show up and smear vampire feces all over Bon Iver. That was gross. I'm sorry for typing that. So I'll go buy lots of Bon Iver music (oh wait, I own it all) but NOT the Twilight music, because NOTHING GOOD comes out of that franchise.
Except Peter Facinelli. He's gorgeous.

Conventions
* Oh, look, lots of amazing conventions have been announced! The soundtrack to this category? My bitter, broken sobs of broke-ness.

Stuff To Live
* I'm not a violent girl, generally. But I am a small girl, and I need to defend myself, and the cops in my town frown upon homemade flame-throwers (boy, will their faces be red when the zombies attack), so I think I need to add this bag to my collection:

[Found at Like Cool]
You know what that is. It's a purse with brass knuckles. The perfect self-defense tool for the stylish young woman. And if you disagree, I can totally hit you in the face until you change your mind. And look adorable while doing so.

Moment Of Win

see more Fail Blog

Monday, stop kicking my ass and give me more coffee.
- LV

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Inside Every Old Person Is A Young Person Wondering What Happened.

Blog
* Which is why I will never get old. I do not need people inside me questioning my beliefs. Title is from Moving Pictures by Terry Pratchett.

Moment Of Win

see more Fail Blog

Depression Session
* Good Sunday to you all! It is sunny and lovely in New Jersey! My hair is finally the shade of red I have desired (thank you, Manic Panic, although you may stain every pillow I own in the process of making my hair lovely)!
Oh, and Tavern on the Green, New York's historic food place and fancy location of hobnobbery and the elite (think the parents of Gossip Girl. Or grandparents) has filed for bankruptcy! Thus the Old Institutions fall, and we are bereft of our oldest and most sacred totems, and our iconography falls to dust.
I ate brunch there when I was little. I don't recall, but my mother assures me I enjoyed it immensely. I have no memory of this, so I will be sad retroactively.

Celebrity!Fail
* Well, Twitter has now been ruined for me. Danny DeVito is on Twitter, and he did not bring his clothing:

[Found at FrigginRandom]
This has stolen my sunny disposition.

Apocalypse How?
* Airports. It's always, always airports.

Daily Hot Guy

[Ryan Reynolds, who I only liked in Blade: Trinity and had BETTER not screw up Deadpool, otherwise retribution will be SWIFT and MERCILESS. His arms are quite wonderful, are they not?]

Russell Brand
* I know there are those of you out there who do not understand my love for Russell Brand. I pity you. But I am in a good mood today, so I am feeling generous. Click this link, and watch Mr. Brand on The View, (a show I normally despise, save for Whoopi Goldberg and her awesome) and you will understand absolutely everything about why I love him so deeply.
Total non sequitur, but Meghan McCain doesn't irritate me NEARLY as much as Elizabeth Hasselbeck. In fact, she doesn't annoy me at all. So good on her!
Then again, who could annoy me in the robust and masculine presence of Mr. Brand? Do Want.

TwiHate
* There is Twilight porn now:

[BestWeekEver]
I don't think I need to add anything else to this, do I?

Vampires
* Speaking of vampires, and things undead, here's an article about vampires and why they are suddenly so popular. It features Count Chocula AND The Count from Sesame Street. These things make me very happy.

Glee
* Here's an interview with Lea Michele from Glee. She plays Rachel, and I want to be best friends with her (Lea, not Rachel. Rachel rather terrifies me). Because she seems cool and nice and watched Election a bunch of times, and I wish I could sing REMOTELY as well as she does, and also because I love Glee so hard.

Hunter S. Thompson
* Just to be clear:
- Yes I know that GonzoFest took place yesterday in Maryland at the Flying Dog Brewery.
- Yes, I am aware that I love their beer, and drink it, and in fact had my first bottle to celebrate getting my first tattoo.
- I know they had live music.
- Yes, I know they also had chili. AMAZING chili.
However, since I cannot GO to Maryland for beer and chili and live music and FUN, I have simply decided to ignore this event, and try to continue on with my life as best I can.

Politics
* Van Jones (haha, I just typed Ban Kones, which is a much cooler name) was hired by Obama, and then left, for reasons I don't care about, except he was either A) A 9/11 Truther, or B) An idiot who failed to read the papers to which he signed his name. And now my dad is all up in arms about this. I don't especially care, except it annoys my father that Mr. Jones is no longer in power, so I will mention it as often as I can.

* Haha, Nancy Pelosi is so mad at Joe Wilson and she is going to feast on his liver and wear his head as a very fetching hat:

Oh, Joe Wilson, you are doomed, and Ms. Pelosi is scary.

Star Trek
* While nowhere near as cool as the Doctor Who-inspired coffin, this Star Trek coffin is a pretty impressive way to go out with style:

[Found at ONTD_StarTrek]
And just to reiterate, I expect my loved ones to mail my corpse to someone I don't like, or reanimate me as a zombie. Whichever is easier.

Zombies
* I was linked to this by jpadamson on Twitter. My first thought: 'Holy Shit, DO NEED.':

I want this bag, so badly, even though it would obviously require money. And while I don't NEED it, and could most likely make my own version, without any real issues, I don't CARE. I want that one and now. So give it to me. Before the zombies come.

Food
* This is macaroni and cheese:

[Found at Most-Expensive]
Read This:

The macaroni and cheese is Chef Josiah’s fresh tagliatelle covered with a hefty portion of white truffle, brown butter truffle froth and grated parmesan cheese.

This dish costs $95.00. That is decadent and ridiculous. And don't believe for a second that I wouldn't eat that, if I could find someone else to pay for it. Or do bloggers get free macaroni and cheese? Isn't that a law, in California? Whatever. It looks delicious. I will eat that like WOAH.

Enough for now. I will post pictures of my fabulous red hair and pet hamster later. Maybe I'll get a RED hamster. OR DID I JUST BLOW YOUR MIND IKNOWRITE?!
- LV

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That Is Not True. Redact It. REDACT IT!

Blog
* 'Redact' is a criminally underused word. Title is from The Office.

Hunter S. Thompson
* This is a really fascinating piece by Warren Ellis on the suicide of Hunter S. Thompson. It's sad and angry and confused, and quite lovely, written immediately in the aftermath of the Good Doctor's death.

But I have to say, I don't agree with Mr. Ellis' opinions on suicide. He also said some pretty inflammatory things when Heath Ledger's death was originally suspected to be a suicide. It seems to be a hot button for him. It's a touchy subject, and I'm not going to delve into it before my first cup of coffee, but I do not agree with him on that issue. Even if he IS internet Jesus.

Politics
* All the rage and panic over Obama making every child in America a Communist was apparently a bit of an overreaction. Look, you do not have to like the President. But he's the fucking President. I sat through every speech Bush Jr. made, because he was the PRESIDENT and that is what you do. Be respectful, even if you disagree with EVERYTHING they're saying.

Also, if you're worried about what the President would talk about with your children, I have a simple solution: discuss it with them. Engage them in a CONVERSATION. Tell them if you think the President is full of shit. Talk to your kids. They may be spoiled and whiny and dumb (as most kids are), but at least you'll have a dialogue with them. Wins?

Star Trek
* Yet ANOTHER reason I should have been at Dragon*Con. Shatner and Nimoy. NIMOY AND SHATNER:

The epic of the epicness. The ORIGINAL BAMFs of Space. Here's more of the interview.
I love Star Trek. All those who do not are sub-human. Or just need to watch a few episodes with me. I'm very convincing.

Zombies
* I love zombies. This is not new information. I am fully and utterly prepared for the zombie apocalypse, and maybe looking forward to it, because it will be fascinating. But I don't think we need to inject zombies into every single aspect of daily life. OK, yes I do. But I don't think we need Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, or Paul is Undead, a Beatles/zombie thing. It's just so self-aware and post-modern, and I want NEW, original zombie movies and books. Is that so hard to understand? I don't care what would have happened if John Lennon had hungered for brains. Yes, I am indeed a freak. I'm much more excited about The Walking Dead on TV.

Vampires
* This is a recipe for True Blood Steak Salad. Because, you know, if your sexy non-sparkly vampire boyfriend bites you, you'll need a lot of B12 to keep up your strength for the insane graveyard sex and running from crazy ladies who claw at you and dress up like bulls. Yeah, I don't know, it's a weird show, and I love it because it allows me to write sentences like that.

[Found at SlashFood]
But I don't get the steak salad connection, except that it looks delicious. And would give you strength? And also looks nothing like the heart Maryann cooked, which was the most disgusting thing ever put on TV, and made me a vegetarian until the end of the show.

Daily Hot Guy

[Alan Tudyk, or as we here on FEAR AND LOATHING like to call him, Alpha Wash, king of the dinosaurs and naked television watcher, who will be returning to TeeVe very soon on Dollhouse to slash our throats and generally be crazy and gorgeous]

Food
* It's funny until you learn you're expected to wear the hat the whole night:

[Found at Neatorama]
And God help you if you get drunk. Then you're the drunk person who spilled the nachos, thus ruining Granny's 87th birthday.

Books
* This could have gone under Hunter Thompson, but this is about the book, not the man. I have been waiting for this book:

[Found at Amazon]
For about two years. But now it's going to be released in June of 2010. WTF? WHY? And why did you pick THAT picture of him? I WANT THIS BOOK NOW. I NEED it to complete my collection, and why do you keep pushing it back? Why are you punishing me like this? Now I'm all sad.

Doctor Who
* Doctor Who Confidential is doing a sixty-minute Greatest Moments special from the Tenth Doctor, and I'm sure it will be funny and sweet and make me cry, and then I will get angry they didn't have one for Nine, but then I'll just be sad Ten is going, and it will be a GEYSER of emotion.

And I still think David Tennant needs to play the Riddler. You know this to be true.

Inglourious Basterds
* Quentin Tarantino is getting the Kirk Douglas Award for Excellence at the S.B. Film festival. This fact makes me laugh, and I have no idea why.

[Found at VenturaCountyStar]
Dear Universe, why am I attracted to this man? I know he's awful and narcissistic and yet I adore him. It's exhausting.

WhedonVerse
* So they say Joss Whedon's taking over the internet, creative he's making it a better place (about time!). So they say it's a real trend (so amazing!) (I love this). So they say this is the new way to make money and be original. (Thanks to me!). It's the perfect story, so they say, a hero leading the way. Whedon's call to glory. Let's all be our best. I could do this all day.

People I Love
* Caro, never stop being amazing. Seriously:

This is genius.

WELL, my Blogger just shut down, so I lost a lot of goodness, including links to some great journals AND a sweet bag, but now I'm going to be late for work, so I'll have to fix it later, maybe.

Technology HATES me.
- LV

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I Was Vague. I Said I Was A Freelance Superhero Robin Hood Kinda Guy.

Blog
* That's not vague, that's true. Title is from Bruce Campbell, on Burn Notice.

* I really wish I wasn't able to read my keyword searches. Because most of them make sense, but a few.... look:
- "womb penetration" fanfic
- "god jon" "i don't know" stimulates
- Lise Myhre nude
- newts
- alien technology we already use
- bruce campbell word for breasts
Yeah. I need more coffee, but these things are not in this blog. Is it weird that 'newts' is one of the scariest keyword searches I found?

Vampires
* This may be the best vampire video ever created, and it stars Eric and Pam from True Blood, which should have been on last night:

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

I suddenly, earnestly want a vampire version of Grease. Can you imagine? Eric Northman dancing, then drinking the blood of annoying girls with big hair? This is the best idea I've ever had. I will take a fee for this idea, and the use of Eric Northman.

Food
* I have never eaten Spam, and as such I am more than a little fascinated by it. Especially in sushi form:

[Found at UKMillion]
Spam Musabi? YES. When I was in Hawaii I spent most of the vacation trying to get people to eat this (or recovering from a truly insane scuba diving incident, which I'm not quite ready to discuss) And people win a year's worth of Spam. Has anyone out there eaten Spam? Was it truly magical? Tell me about it.

Books
* DUDE, for reals, I would read the Transformers Vs. Doctor Who book. I would read that until it was MEMORIZED. It needs to exist, and I think that David Sedaris should write it.

Torchwood
* LOOK AT THE WEE KIDDIES REENACTING TORCHWOOD:

Without, you know, the hot man loving, or the cursing or the sexings. Which makes me sad, as that is the best part of Torchwood. I do understand them in including Ianto. That would have just been inappropriate, what with the tiny children.

Inglourious Basterds
* Haha, Inglourious Basterds is making ALL the monies, and I made a sexy shirt of it, so Quentin Tarantino wins forever. None of that had anything to do with anything, but I am running on three hours of sleep and paternal lectures, so give me a break. And I do still want to see The Final Destination. What? Elaborate death scenes for the win.

WhedonVerse
* They're making a motion picture comic of Joss Whedon's Astonishing X-Men:

Movie Trailers - Movies Blog

I really love Joss Whedon's treatment of X-Men, but I am a helpless fangirl for Whedon, so don't start screaming if you didn't like them.
Anyway, the motion picture comic is far, far better than the Watchmen one, which ruined my day by having a man do ALL the voices, including Laurie's, and it WAS that weird. Did not like. This one has gender-appropriate voices, and that pleases and relieves me, because there are few things more alarming than hearing a male voice issue from Silk Spectre II's voice. It's like terrible fanfiction made real.

Daily Hot Guy

[Zachary Quinto, who here is adorable, and who deserves an Oscar for yelling at his penis. What? WHAT? I'm looking forward to Heroes being good this season. Season 3 was much better than season 2. Domestic!Sylar is hot.]

People I Love
* This is a post of multi-love. Because James Gunn posted it on Twitter, and he is a genius. Did you see Slither? I hope so, because it was fucking incredible, and will make your life much better once you view it. And it has Nathan Fillion, and ALIENS. BE GRATEFUL. Go rent Slither. James Gunn posted this on Twitter and his website, about a man who can only say 'Tono.'

I must have watched this video ten times, trying to wrap my brain around it. It's... the dude only says 'tono.' And he doesn't seem to realize this. THEN HE COUNTS. It's incredible. I love him. And James Gunn. He also wrote Dawn of the Dead, and Tromeo and Juliet. He's amazing. GROUP HUG.

Stuff To Live
* I would like this shirt:

[Found at Geekologie]
Why the hell haven't they made a big Dinobots movie? It would be dark and badly received, and I would secretly love it while publicly decrying it. Plus I use to have a Transformers coloring book, and I colored all the Dinobots. Don't judge me, you know if they still sold those you would buy them. More robot shirts here, but I'm still envisioning a Dinobots movie, starring David Tennant and Hugh Laurie. It makes sense to ME.

Movie!Fail
* Don't yell at me. I want this to be good. I do. I love the cast, and everyone involved. But, like vampire movies, I am inherently suspicious of all werewolf movies. Why? The wolves don't come out looking very good. Sometimes they look slimy, and almost always they look fake. So I am very worried about The Wolfman. But Benicio del Toro is sort of a wolf-man already, so this is very likely to move out of Movie!Fail and into Movie!Win if I hear ONE good thing about it:

Also, HOW EXCITED AM I that Hugo Weaving is A) in this, and B) Inspecter Aberline (spelling notwithstanding)? I love Hugo Weaving. HARD. I am one of the few people who saw the Matrix and rooted actively for Agent Smith.

Celebrity!Fail
* BRB, vomiting from the eyeballs:

[Found at BestWeekEver]
And, we have pornography. Do not want. Everyone fails. Jon and Kate fail for existing, and becoming tabloid fodder, and making me waste valuable brain cells knowing this shit. Everyone else fails for being interested in this. Ew. EW. I don't approve, at all.
That being said, serious kudos must be given to whoever designed that hairstyle. It is eerily accurate.

Iron Man
* Iron Man slang!

“Getting Iron-Manned” = Having all of your friends somehow see a movie the instant it comes out, so you never end up seeing it until months later, despite your best efforts.

This doesn't happen to me, because I go see shit opening day, even if I have to go by myself, and then see it again with my friends, which is how I actually ended up seeing Iron Man four times in theaters, completely by accident. Good thing I liked that movie, and that Robert Downey, Jr.'s arms could hold my interest.

Heroes
* This is a lie. It is season four, not season five of Heroes, and I am very angry with Collider for making me think I lost an entire year of Heroes somewhere along the line. That is abusive. I could sue. But besides the MASSIVE flaw, Heroes: Redemption looks pretty incredible. Am I alone in thinking Season 3 was a massive improvement over Season 2, even if Season 2 had Sweaty!Sylar? Not as good as season 1, of course, but a solid entry, and one that looks to be good.
Then again, I will probably spend the whole season screaming, 'Shut the fuck up, Petrelli!' and 'Where's Sylar?' and 'Bring back Claude Raines!' and then fuming about it to the internet, as I do every season. I'm sorry. Peter annoys me. His angst is stupid.

Jackie Earle Haley
* Continues to be awesome. He also liked Transmetropolitan, which makes me indescribably happy, because it is proof that one day in the future everything I love with combine. I keep trying to think of a role Gareth David-Lloyd could play in Transmet, but everyone but Spider is awful (except for Channon and Yelena), and I already have mentally cast Ricky Gervais as Mitchell Royce.

* This is a panel on Human Target. It features Mr. Haley, Chi McBride, and Mark Valley, and makes me very angry that the series isn't on TV NOW, being brilliant:

I already have mad love for Guerrero. And I have no problem admitting that.

* Megan, your Photobucket is a dizzying land of joy with such images:

Her blog is sweet, too. Go read it.
Also, this is my present to the internetz for Labor Day. Enjoy.

TeeVee
* I really like Mike White. He wrote School of Rock, The Good Girl, Chuck and Buck, and several episodes of Freaks and Geeks. Plus he was in Pushing Daisies and Orange County. Ergo he is awesome. I also really like Laura Dern, mostly because Citizen Ruth is one of the most underrated comedies about aborting (really) ever.
So them doing a pilot for HBO? Don't care WHAT it's about. I will tune in. I think HBO is really trying to reclaim their prowess as the Network of Awesome. Right now they have True Blood and Hung (which is rapidly improving), and I am hoping Bored To Death will be genius, because look who's IN it, but this being a success would not hurt them at all. Just saying.

OK, I am off to the comic shop, and then to Best Buy, because my external hard-drive started MAKING NOISES last night, and also I think I smelled BURNING, and as it holds all my music and writing from the past three years, it needs to be OK. Then I will return, probably to do more work, and finally make progress on the damn comics I've been writing, and hopefully read as well. I haz buzy. But it's good.

I think today I shall wear my Inglourious Basterds shirt.
- LV

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Life Sucks, Brendon. That's Your Lesson. Go Enjoy It.

Blog
* Coach McGuirk is a scion of wisdom and honesty. Title is from Home Movies.

Journalism
* This is depressing. This journalist, Virginia Heffermnan, her friend is having an affair, so she writes an article about it (even though it's not news-worthy, unless her friend is someone like Tom Hanks, and then it's Major News), and describes his phone like a sexual organ, and admits that journalists always are selling someone out, and that short writers (like me?) are the most vicious because nobody expects it of us. So now I'm depressed. Luckily, she also hates bloggers, so I doubt she'll read this.

Wow
* This is very pretty:

[Found at LikeCool]
This is an air balloon rally. And I know I'm famously afraid of flying (famous in the sense that I tell everyone I meet and twitch at the mention of airports), but these won't frighten me. Because you're not super high up, and you're floating, and I UNDERSTAND how the balloons stay up in the air, unlike planes, which I suspect are run on the tears of terrified children.

Geek Want
* I have wanted a Segway since Gob rode one on Arrested Development. But I cannot afford one, for many reasons, and also I do not need one, since I have a car. But I still WANT one, dammit, and this is the children's version, and I'm short (5'0") so why can't I have one of these?

[Found at IncredibleThings]
It's called a Dareway, and it's cute, and I promise if you get me one I won't make the face that little boy is making, or run over someone unless they really, really deserve it.

Politics
* Jeb Bush gave a very nice interview. I have nothing snarky to say about it. His answers are intelligent and well-reasoned, and I am posting it because I think it's interesting. What? I can't just post things without being vicious and bitchy? You think so little of me. It's very sad. Fine, every time someone mentions Jeb Bush, I think of that line in Family Guy where someone makes a crack about Jeb eating a puppy. Snarky enough for you?

* Dear Birthers: Barack Obama is an Australian, and all Australians are CRIMINALS, and also he's white and his name is David, and he's fifty. Because someone Googled birth certificates, and Google is never wrong, except when I type in something innocent like 'shoes' and Google Images interprets it as 'People having sex with farm animals while the farm animals wear shoes.' So clearly Google is always right, and our President is Australian, but all the Australians I've met are very polite, so maybe it's not a big deal, yes? Or maybe, I don't know, this is someone else's birth certificate. I think Democrats and Republicans can find some common ground here, yes? The President is definitely not from Australia. PEACE IN OUR TIME.

Awesome
* This kid is my hero. He's seven, and he doesn't want to go to church, because kids generally have problems sitting still for more than three seconds unless a TV is involved. So does he have a temper tantrum, as I would have? No. He STEALS THE CAR. And DRIVES AWAY. He is a BAMF. This kid is going places, I tell you. But probably not to church.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

So little boy, I salute you. Way to be creative in the face of religion.

WTF, INTERNET?
* I know eventually almost everyone gets varicose veins, but this is not the right response to that inevitability:

[Found at LikeCool]
Either you have veiny legs, and you don't need these panty hose at all, except to be ironic, which it isn't, or you DON'T have veiny legs, in which case, WHY WOULD YOU WANT VEINY LEGS? EXPLAIN THIS TO ME. People pay a lot of money to get the veininess hidden from their legs. It is a source of shame, whether or not it should be. So how would you feel if you paid all this money to de-vein your legs, and you're really pleased, and you're walking down the street, and then you pass some girl wearing a pair of these? You feel angry, and then you feel violent, and then you're sitting in a gray little room saying, 'I swear, officer, she provoked me.' Then they get all mad.

Daily Hot Guy

[Ryan Reynolds, chained to the floor in Blade: Trinity. This was the best part of the movie. Well, that and Parker Posey's hair]

Movie!Win
* I keep watching the trailer for Where The Wild Things Are, and getting emotional over it because it's so beautiful:

It just... feels RIGHT. They look scary but not scary, and Max's pajamas! OMFG, they need to mass market those. And I love the song, and Spike Jonze. AND I went to college with Paul Dano, so I should get a complimentary Max's pajamas in my size. I want this movie now. Please.

Vampires
* I saw the trailer for Thirst when I went to see Watchmen: The Director's Cut in New York. I was a bit distracted by the impending awesome of Watchmen, so I didn't pay much attention, but I have since gone back and watched the trailer for Thirst. And I have to say, priests make the best vampires (or vampire hunters, *coughbuymybookwhenitcomesout*) and this looks twisted and sick and not sparkly AT ALL. So we all need to go see it, because it would make me very happy if Hot Topci started mass-producing shirts of this movie, and lunchboxes. That's change we can believe in.

Russell Brand
* Here's a video of Russell talking about goat farming. Clearly he read my blog, and wants to buy a little goat tower, and we'll have babies named Walter Brand and Ianto Brand and Hunter Brand, and raise goats, and be happy. Look, it's Wednesday, I am TIRED, and the man is discussing GOATS. Life is surreal, OK? (Ten points if you get the joke in that last sentence).

Jackie Earle Haley
* First of all, go listen to the Podcast of Win, World Peace Through Jackie Earle Haley. Then check out the community. It's brilliant. And fun. And you will learn more than you thought possible from the internet, and be a better person, AIRTIGHT LOGIC.

* This is an old interview, but I love it a lot, and it was done before Mr. Haley's career exploded again into its current awesome state. I mean, I know most of his fans know this, but the guy had to live at home and deliver pizzas for a while AFTER he was a child star. He fell HARD. And then he came back, and now he's better than ever, and WHEN does Shutter Island come out? And I think Maniac Cop 3 was an under-appreciated cinematic masterpiece. Have you seen it? Then you have not seen ANYTHING, my friends.
Plus, he orders pizza with pineapple and bacon.

Iron Man
* Read about parts of Iron Man 2. Because all you people are so worried about the internet of Doom leaking all your movies and trailers, but I have seen JACK SHIT of any of the movies I have been trying to find, so your argument is INVALID, and dammit, I want to to SEE War Machine.
This is why I am jealous of every single person who went to Comic-Con. ALL OF YOU.

In other news, I need an intern. To do shit for me. Because I'm lazy.
Also I haven't bitten my nails since June. I think I deserve a reward.

[Made by Erin_Uniquename]
That'll do nicely.
- LV

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