Men Should Die For Lies. But The Truth Is Too Precious To Die For

Blog
* Title is from Small Gods, by Terry Pratchett.

* I generally scour the internet so you don't have to, and find all the shit you should know about.
I'm assuming you know about Naps In The Library, because it is that wonderful. The author, Stina, doesn't JUST write fantastic horror pieces that might make me a little jealous, because it's not fair she's so talented. She also writes funny and fascinating pieces on being an author, the nature of fear, and life in general. It's also a remarkable look at someone breaking into publishing.
I would hate her, if she weren't made of awesome, and probably a techno-wizard herself, and they are not really the people you want to piss off. But if she IS a techno-wizard, she should be SHARING her powers with me. My vampire book just stopped.
Anyway, go read her, and marvel.

Animals

[Found at UniqueDaily]
The mommy duck stepped on her baby duck. I think if human parents did this, kids would be more well-behaved, and not be possessed by aliens. The baby duck was fine, so it's totally OK to laugh at its. My mother is now singing a song about baby ducks. I immediately regret the posting of this picture.

Daily Hot Guy

[Jeffrey Donovan, AKA Michael from Burn Notice, who you all know from his DUI, but who I know as the most badass spy in the country]

Apocalypse How?
* There's a lot of shit to be scared of. Believe me, I know. Oh, I know. So here's a website that tells you what you need to be afraid of, so you don't have to waste valuable time reading news stories or formulating your own opinions. SWINE FLU. IRAN. RUN.

TwiHate
* There's a Twilight board game.

[Found at Geekologie]
The idea of people sitting around playing this actually makes me so sad that I will not mock it. I hope you enjoy your game, TwiHards. I really, really do.

Girly Shit
I want these shoes, and these pantyhose.

[Found at ShoeLust]
I probably wouldn't wear them at the same time, like this girl, because it might cause seizures.

Music
* You may laugh at Lady Gaga, but do YOU have the balls to walk around with an artist's palette made of hair on your head?

[Found at DailyMail]
Yeah. I didn't think so. And if you DO laugh, she takes off the platte and throws it at you, and BLADES come out of the sides and she decapitates you, like in Mortal Kombat: Just Dance Edition, which I sincerely wish existed.

Watchmen
* Oh, what is this? Is it clips from the Blu-Ray Orgasm Edition of Watchmen that I CAN'T WATCH BECAUSE OF TECHNOLOGY? Fine, I'll post it. But REALLY. I think I deserve the Ultimate Movie edition, don't you? I own three copies of the comic, INCLUDING the Absolute Edition. I saw it four times in theaters. I crossed state lines to see the Director's Cut (OK, I met someone who flew from another country, but STILL, I had to take New Jersey TRANSIT). I have chunks memorized. I HAVE A WATCHMEN TATTOO. WHAT MORE DO I NEED TO DO TO GET THIS DVD, ZACK SNYDER? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? You know, Mr. Snyder, Jesus would want you to GIVE me a Blu-Ray player. And a copy of the DVD. And he'd want you to deliver it to me. With Jackie Earle Haley. Shirtless. What? It's in the Bible. No, you can't read it. It's my Bible. Good Bible.

Tattoo Of Win

[Found at LOLTATZ]

Food
* As you know if you've read this blog EVER, I like my coffee. Coffee is the life-force. If it comes out that coffee is bad for you, you cannot tell me. I need coffee in my life to be OK. Seriously, I am barely human in the morning when I write this stuff. Without coffee, I'd be trying to climb into the TV to throttle the reporters from CNN, instead of sitting here yelling at them. What I'm trying to say is that I need this:

[Found at IncredibleThings]
It's a coffee tote. It carries four cups of coffee. Theoretically, I could have eight cups of coffee with me. Just for me. I'd need it all. The rest of you will have to find your own caffeinated joy. If you buy me these, I'll take pictures of me carting around cups of coffee, for fun and entertainment, yes?

Words of Win

[Found at FrigginRandom]
This is mostly funny because someone had to stand there and adhere the milk to the door. Think about it.

YouTube Wonders
* If people try to tow your car, you can beg, plead, offer sex or drugs, lay down in front of the car, call your lawyer, or you can do this:

Tell me: which will land you on the Throne of Awesome?

Hunter S. Thompson
* This is Johnny Depp reading a letter from Hunter S. Thompson:

My happy has no beginning, and no end.

Books
* Here is a great article on literary obsessions/crushes. Which I clearly am a big fan of (except with . I also kind of adore Albert Camus. The Plague is a beautiful book. You should be reading it, right now. Well, once you finish this blog.

In other news, I figured out DVR, meaning I am like Jesus only short and female and with an attitude problem. And other differences. And Torchwood is the best show ever, because SPOILERS FOLLOWING FOR DAY TWO:
Ianto STOLE A GODDAMN ROOM, AND WAS DRESSED LIKE THE VILLAGE PEOPLE, AND DROPPED THE CEMENT ROOM, AND JACK WAS NAKED, EXCEPT AMERICA WAS NOT ALLOWED TO SEE HIS ASSCRACK.
SPOILERS FOR DAY TWO END.

Now I have to go to work, which is also Win.
But I just choked on coffee, and that is fail.
Such is life.
- LV

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Need Me To Do Any Attacking, Sir?

Blog
* Ianto, there is no non-filthy way for me to answer that question. Title is from Torchwood.

* I will be doing a Watchmen: The Director's Cut blog entry as soon as my friend and partner in crime sends me the pictures from the night of glory. Suffice it to say, YES. YES.

* Later today I will being doing a Hunter S. Thompson post, to celebrate what would have been his 72nd birthday. I will also drink Wild Turkey and yell a lot. As he would have wanted.

Awesome
* So according to this list, I am not a geek. Maybe there are different rules for girl geeks, possibly? But generally, I do not fulfill these requirements. Here are the few Essential Skills I possess:
6. Work from home or a coffee shop as effectively as you do at the office.
22.Share a printer between a Mac and a PC on a network.
24. Remove a virus from a computer.
42. Knowing the answer to life, the universe and everything
44. Google obscure facts in under 3 searches. Bonus point if you can use I Feel Lucky.
72. Explain that the colours in a rainbow are roygbiv.
81. Be able to trace the Fellowship’s journey on a map of Middle Earth.
82. Know all the names of the Dwarves in The Hobbit.
83. Understand the difference between a comic book and a graphic novel.
84. Know where your towel is and why it is important.
87. Reciting key scenes from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
88. Be able to recite at least one Geek Movie word for word.
90. Be able to explain why it’s important that Han shot first.
91. Know why it is just wrong for Luke and Leia to kiss.
92. Stop talking Star Wars long enough to get laid.
93. The ability to name actors, characters and plotlines from the majority of sci-fi movies produced since 1968.
94. Have a documented plan on what to do during a zombie or robot uprising.
95. Identify evil alternate universe versions of friends, family, co-workers or self.

I didn't do TERRIBLY, but this list ignores the Whedonverse, Doctor Who, most comic-geek geekery, and WHAT ABOUT STAR TREK? I remember how tasers work. What? Don't smirk like that. I can also recite several movies from memory. So my technical ignorance should not be held against me. How did you do?

WTF, INTERNET?
* OK, I don't get why the shower has got to be a fascinating experience. You get in, you wash yourself, you get out, you go on with life. It doesn't have to be heady experience of fun. It's showering. It's like brushing your teeth. It doesn't HAVE to be fun. But NO, in this day and age everything has to be EXCITING and INTERESTING and we need constant shiny objects and pretty lights to keep us conscious. So I present the RIO Lighted Shower:

[Found at Neatorama]
Do you need this? Really? Is your life so full, everything so perfect and wonderful, that you need to spend $4,000 on a shower that makes it seem like you're bathing in the dark? Because if that's true I hate you, and think I need to confiscate your $4,000 and spend it on VALUABLE things, and not stupid showers that look cool, but essentially just get you CLEAN.

Movie!Win
* Click here to see fabulous pictures of Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland, with an animal theme. Johnny Depp is holding a bunny!

Animals
* KITTY! HERE KITTY KITTY KITTY.

[Found at FrigginRandom]
I want a baby cheetah. I will name it Stockton. For obvious reasons.

Daily Hot Guy

[Doctor Hunter Stockton Thompson. Happy 72nd birthday, you crazy bastard. I'm sure right now you're cursing out Buddah and hitting on Joan of Arc]

Apocalypse How?
* Sleep can kill you. This is the worst news ever in the history of mankind. Sleeping 8 hours per night makes you die sooner. So either you are sleep-deprived and homicidal, or you are well-rested, but DEAD. These are not fun choices. I need a third option. Because I like my sleep and hate insomnia. Sleep should not make me die. THAT IS NOT COOL. And I know Edgar Allen Poe said, "Sleep, those little slices of death; Oh how I loathe them." But he's Edgar Allen Poe. He can say whatever he wants. And he was being metaphorical. METAPHOR. Look it up. Don't use Google - you'll probably end up with porn.

TwiHate
* This made me laugh. A lot. I did not make it. So I am not alone in my dislike:

[Found at FrigginRandom]

Zombies
* OH GOD KILL IT KILL IT SHOOT IT IN THE HEAD:

[Found at Nearorama]

Oh... wait...

[Found at Neatorama]
False alarm. Put the safety back on your gun. You, did you wet yourself? You sicken me with your fear. This is WAR, cadet. But for real, if anyone gets me this shirt, I will run around the neighborhood like that and prove to my ignorant neighbors once and for all that they need to increase their security measures. In other news, who wants to start raising bail money?

Girly Shit
* Sometimes the universe is kind to me. Jimmy Choo, maker of shoes that cost more than my car, will be designing shoes for H&M, and I will maybe be able to afford them if I stop buying Watchmen stuff. Or finish my novel and make millions, hahaha. Anyway, I will own a pair of quasi-Choos, which are not quite as cool as regular Choos, but come WITHOUT the poverty, so I won't complain.

Music
* So I did not get Nine Inch Nails tickets, which I can't really talk about at the moment, because it was sold out in like five minutes, and I am UPSET, but not giving up yet.

* Here's a video of Lady Gaga.

She should tour with NIN. If only for the WTF factor. And can you IMAGINE the mixing of the fans? It would be life-changing. And since I suggested this, I get tickets to one of the shows, YES?

Technology
* I WANT THIS:

[Found at DVICE]
It is a magnetized keyboard and mouse, and you can STICK IT TO THINGS. I need this. I do. Don't ask me why, but how cool is this? I could use this at work. Or at home, even though I have laptops at both locations. But my desks are always covered with piles of paper and random crap, and this would clear up space, and we all need space, so if I get one of these sent to my house by the company, I will totally endorse this thing on a daily basis. I am willing to hock my wares.

Watchmen
* I can't post my stories until I get the pictures, so in the meantime:

[Found at WatchmenMovie]
Also I don't want to give out spoilers for the additional scenes just yet. Let me just say this: it is worth it to catch it on the big screen. It really is. It's a better movie, overall. And the big screen lets you really appreciate the work and detail of this film. Zack Snyder wins FOREVER.

Tattoo Of Win
* This reminds me of the art style of the sculptures my childhood friends' mother collected:

[Found at LOLTATZ]
Her sculptures didn't do that, to my knowledge.

Food
* I like weird food. I like mixing foods that were never intended to be mixed, and then eating them. But there are some things I will not eat. Including:

Mainly because that bull looks like the one from Ren & Stimpy.

They are scorpions. I don't want to be near scorpions. Ever. Including in my tummy. My tummy is a bug-free zone. I don't want to eat something that can POISON me.
Horrifyingly, I would try:

Because I want to be able to say, 'Yes, I have supped upon canned possum. What of it?' There are more vile foods here.

Words Of Win
* Girl Electrocutes Herself Tweeting In Bathtub.
There are some places even Twitter should not go.

YouTube Wonders
* If you watch this while your dog barks at this video, the universe folds up on itself.


More later, including HST and Watchmen.
- LV

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Bruce Campbell Was Originally Cast As The Main Character In '24' But Was Replaced When He Managed To Save The Day In 12 Minutes & 37 Seconds.

Blog
* He then ate Kiefer Sutherland and set fire to the set of Desperate Housewives.

Doctor Who
* News updates on the Doctor Who comic, and an interview with Tony Lee, who runs the program. I'm a Classic Fan. Frankly, I want Nine in comic form. Why am I the only one who loves Nine? I feel alone.

TwiHate
* Because I am feeling charitable, and also Harry Potter was awesome and SNAPE MADE ME VERY, VERY HAPPY, I will simply post this video of what would happen if Buffy Summers met Edward Cullen. He'd die. Horribly. It would be hilarious. Then Spike would steal his stuff. And I would be happy.

Here's an intelligent-type analysis on on misogyny of Twilight, which makes me angry, but not as angry as everything Bella says and does in EVERY BOOK. It's the 21st century. YOU ARE NOT A WILTING FLOWER. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO KNOW WHAT"S GOING ON. AND IF A GUY DITCHES YOU WITH NO EXPLANATION, FUCK HIM. Also, you are SELFISH. You don't think of your mother or father or friends, just your call-consuming need to get into Edward's pants. AND HE IS ANNOYING. GOD. DO NOT WANT.
That wasn't quite as charitable as I'd envisioned.

Zombies
* Oh. My. God.

[Found at BoingBoing]
Do you know what this is? It is a taser shotgun. Yes. YES. That is ALL THE AWESOME OF THE DAY. I know it won't KILL a zombie. But it will knock them the hell down, and if you are on the run sometimes you just need to clear a path to safety. Plus you could practice on ex-boyfriends and people who proudly proclaim that they never read. But mainly for zombies.

Girly Shit
* WHY IS THIS NOT MINE?

[Found at BestWeekEver]
For too long my loves of ice cream and hats have been kept apart. Now, I can unite them in glory atop my tiny head. I'm serious, if I had this I would wear it everywhere. I would wear this to weddings. To FUNERALS. I will be the prettiest peacock in the world.

Music
* I would listen to these while wearing my Ice Cream Hat:

[Found at LikeCool]
They are gold and silver Lego speakers. Lady Gaga must own these. AND MY ICE CREAM HAT. I KNEW that girl was after my shit. But really, you could listen to gold speakers IN THE BATHROOM. LEGO GOLD SPEAKERS. That is as fancy as it gets. That will make your tunes caress your eardrums. Even if you listen to utter crap like U2.

Technology
* And you thought Twitter was hip and edgy:

[Found at BoingBoing]
Oh NOES! Our grandparents used Twitter! Hurry, EVERYBODY BACK TO FACEBOOK! No, I'm kidding. Nothing would send me back to Facebook. It is made of suck. But this could be the grandfather of Twitter. It's from 1935, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to use it, while listening to my Lego speakers and wearing my ice cream hat. This is sounding more and more like a David Lynch movie. And not one of the good ones.

Watchmen
* I AM SEEING IT TOMORROW IN THEATERS. I AM JEALOUS OF MYSELF. Ahem. Moving on. Have I posted this? If so, I shall post it again, because it is GENIUS and makes me laugh:

[Made by McScary]
I would buy a shirt with this image. And wear it WHILE listening to the soundtrack on my Lego speakers, wearing my ice cream hat, and using my ancient Twitter. Then I would explode, because one person cannot contain such awesome. And in case I did post this, read this article on Maximum Movie Mode, which my father claims WILL play on a non-Blu-Ray DVD player, but I think he's saying that so I'll throw out my plans to rob Best Buy. I NEED THE SPECIAL VERSION, UNIVERSE. In other news, I hate Blu-Ray until someone figures out how I can own it.
Oh, and because someone asked me, here are the theaters playing the Director's Cut. If you get to go, tell me about it! I want to compare stories. Also I'm curious if anyone will be at the screening I'm going to.


Tattoo Of Win

[Found at LOLTATZ]

Daily Hot Guy

[Russell Brand. He makes me happy, OK?]

Food
* There are bacon rolling papers. And a bowl made of bacon. AND A BACON CINNAMON ROLL. IMAGINE THE EVENING YOU COULD HAVE. I am. Oh, my evening is going to involve pork, sugar, and pot. I will end up in jail, but I will be so happy I will not even care.

Moment Of Win

see more Fail Blog

YouTube Wonders
* A baby Capybara licks the camera.

The world is indeed a glorious place sometimes. It's so cute! I want five. I want to ride in a chariot pulled by these. Is that animal cruelty? They can run around in my backyard! Why are they not mine?

Books
* Aw, Mark Sandford's book about economics/not-sex scandals isn't going to be published. I want him to write about falling in love with a woman NOT his wife and using government funds to get laid and then crying about it on national television. Oh, wait, I can watch that on YouTube. Never mind, Mr. Sandford. Go weep in a corner. We'll call you if we need entertainment.

Incidentally:
I have now been to two movies where someone has thrown up in the theater. The first was in The Passion of the Christ, when I woman threw up in her popcorn tub. The second was last night at Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, and was a child who forgot the chew-and-swallow concept during the FINAL SCENES. GOD. IF YOUR CHILD CANNOT CHEW, DO NOT BRING THEM TO THE THEATER.

Time for things to take place.
- LV

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This Is My First Visit To The Galaxy Of Terror & I'd Like It To Be A Pleasant One.

Blog
* Title is from Futurama.

YouTube Wonders
* This was sent to me by a loyal reader, and may have blown my mind a little bit. I watched it again just now, before I'd finished even ONE cup of coffee, and it may have left me a twitching ball of nerves under the table. It's... it's too much.

I want nothing more out of life than to slap and chop.

Books
* So sometimes when you write a book, they give you an advance payment, and if your book doesn't sell an assload of copies, you have to pay back the difference on the advance, and you get less from royalties. This is irrelevant to me, who is stuck on page 228 of her book because typing is HARD, or she's just lazy, and talking in the third person is never a good sign, so I'm stopping now.
Anyway, this article is about how we (the publishing industry, not us personally) should lower advances and raise royalties, because it would be good for the book industry and prevent us from falling into the pit of Stephenie Meyers and Lauren Conrad that we have recently found ourself in, and it HURTS. I know published authors who agree with this stance, and I have to admit it makes sense to a laywoman like myself.
But really, I'll take any amount of money for my book. It's got vampires! They are hip and trendy, yes? I'm willing to compromise my values!

Comics
* I already own the individual issues of Whatever Happened To The Masked Avenger by Neil Gaiman and one of Whatever Happened To The Man of Tomorrow by Alan Moore, for obvious reasons. But these pretty books that collect all the issues, and apparently some totally random issues with barely any connection at all, are indeed tempting, and were I not hideously broke after an orgy of spending (and trying to scrape together MORE money to spend on MORE things I need to do in this life)I would buy them, because they are wonderful and made of Win. This article is both a review and a summary. I think it's rather hard on Gaiman, but I am biased because he was nice to me and also I want his career really badly.
Nobody should ever say anything bad about Alan Moore. He hears all.

People I Love
* I will not apologize for loving Ricky Gervais. I know people don't, but I don't understand that. I mean, The Office was brilliant and awkward and funny and made me cry unashamedly at the Christmas Special, and Extras was hilarious and wonderful and had some of the best cameos in history (I will never get over Patrick Stewart going, 'But by then.... I've seen everything.') and the Christmas Special made me cry AGAIN, and also it had Doctor Who. And Ghost Town was an underrated goddamn movie that you should see. And if you're still unconvinced, Stephen Merchant is FREAKY tall, and I maybe find that appealing.
Here is a clip of the two men ripping into Ralph Fiennes, who stars in their new movie. I challenge you not to be charmed.
And because it never gets old, or disturbing:


Movie!Fail
* There is nothing worse than having to put a writer/director I love in this category (that's a lie, there are numerous worse things, like zombie clowns, but it's still unfortunate). Except when a writer/director I generally love takes a childhood book that I adore and turns it into a terrifying mockery of all you hold dear. The Fantastic Mr. Fox is a book written by Roald Dahl, and while it's not his best, it's still a charming book that holds a special place in my heart. When I was a substitute teacher, I would reread it during the lunch break, unless I was confiscating my kindergartner's cell phones. Anyway, this is not how I envisioned it. Click the link at your own risk. This reminds me of some of the TV shows I would watch as a child, like the one with the dancing elephant and his horde of singing humans. In retrospect, those shows were twisted beyond words. I predict Roald Dahl will rise from the grave and punish Wes Anderson, and also maybe for The Darjeeling Limited, which should have been MUCH better.

Depression Session
* I didn't even know what a dryer ball WAS until I read this article. So the depression recession is teaching me many things, yay for learning! Here's how you can make your own dryer ball, out of yarn you will make from the fur of your dog, who you will then eat, because there will be no money for food, or dog food, so you will have to be economical. Unless you prefer Mr. Bobo to your children, in which case I do not want to know about it.

TeeVee
* This is a great and funny review/analysis of this week's True Blood, in which, for your humble blogger, Eric totally pwned Vampire Bill, and is now just under Sam on my personal list, in no small part because of how deeply BORED he was by Lafayette running around humping furniture. Eric FTW. I think Eric and Lafayette should be together. FIERCE, yes? But Sam is starting to upset me with his bitchy crawling away, and also the WAITRESS, who I do not TRUST. But I digress.
And as I also said, I would go to one of Maryann's sexy dance parties, with Sam or Eric, at least until people started eating dirt and smearing cake everywhere. In my experience, that's when you quietly exit before the paramedics need to be called because someone tried to jump into a family portrait.
Also, major props for Jason becoming more interesting, and going whole episodes without being naked, which I feel is a huge growing process for him. And Vampire Jesus is a religion I could get behind. Totally unrelated, did you know the actor who plays Jason is British? I did not.

Journalism
* Once again, everyone on CNN is at their laptops Tweeting, and everyone on MSNBC is trying to calm down Pat Buchanan, who is maybe trying to eat Levi Johnston for offending his girl Palin, and everyone on FOX is screaming about the gay liberal apocalypse army, so I am forced to use The Daily Show to expose the serious and menacing news of Bernie Madoff's new Ponzi scheme.


Daily Hot Guy
* Today we celebrate the birth of Jackie Earle Haley, AKA Rorschach, AKA Ronnie in Little Children, AKA The Sekrit Ninja of My Soul, AKA, Look, he's awesome and he's NICE, and I'm so happy he made a comeback because I was so in love with him as a little girl when he was in Bad News Bears. He and Corey Feldman owned my heart. I was born in 1986, what do you want from me?




[To celebrate, go rent Little Children, or if you can't handle the overwhelming level of sad, watch Breaking Away. Or Semi-Pro, which sucks except for our boy JEH. Happy birthday, Jackie Earle Haley! Thank you for playing Rorschach, and being be genius, and also proving short people ROCK so fiercely]

Wow

[Found at Neatorama]
* This immediately makes me think of Empire Records, when on character had glued scattered change to the floor, and Warren was trying to pick it up, and failing due to glue, and this conversation took place:
Warren: Who glued these quarters down?
A.J.: I did.
Warren: What the hell for, man?
A.J.: I don't feel the need to explain my art to you, Warren.
I loved that movie. So nineties. And I still like Rory Cochrane, who played Lucas, which should not surprise anyone who has ever read this blog. And he was in Public Enemies, hurrah!

Geek Want

[Found at TheWorldsBestEver]
I have no reason to want this, except that every girl likes pretending to be a spy sometimes, like Carmen Sandiego.

Politics
* I really hope Dick Cheney has seen the Star Wars movies, because otherwise he is missing a plethora of Emperor jokes that would enrage him. So much evil in such a wrinkled little man. He hates Obama, and America, and you, and puppies, and kitties, and probably eats unicorn horns so that he would live forever. I have no proof of that last one, except when was the last time YOU saw a unicorn? Airtight logic.

* Obama is not bombing the shit out of Iran, because clearly that would be helpful and solve EVERYTHING going on there with the elections. He is awful, isn't he?

* Oh Glenn Beck, I love you so. You are so DUMB. This is not an opinion. This is a statement of fact. You are supposed to know things about politics, yes? This is in theory why you have a TV show and make monies and why I am TYPING about you on my blog? Yet you did not know that on the first day of a confirmation hearing, everyone makes statements. There is no questioning. Meaning your freaking out and declaring our country DOOMED, DOOMED I SAYS, because Obama swindled the hearings to prevent questioning of his pick, is kind of misplaced and embarrassing. For you, at least. Not for me. For me it's funny. Have you been hanging out with Dick Cheney? I hear he throws AWESOME keggers.

* You thought I was kidding when I said Pat Buchanan was in a tiff over Levi Johnston questioning the integrity of Mrs. Sarah Palin, didn't you? Well, I wasn't. I never kid about anything. Politics are SERIOUS BUSINESS. In case you were wondering, this is one of the reasons I love Pat Buchanan. Maybe he should come celebrate Hunter Thompson' birthday with me. According to the survey, I'm getting sloppy drunk and humiliating myself, for you people.

* Barack Obama's teleprompter broke during a speech. He immediately started screaming, crying, and shaking a fist at the sky while stuttering, until another teleprompter was brought out. After a tearful reunion, the speech continued per usual. Parenthetically, why are the Republicans insane about teleprompters? They do know that Obama has some idea of what's coming on the teleprompter before he starts a speech, right? That the teleprompters don't just spew out random sentences, yes? I mean, George W. Bush used teleprompters. He also choked on a pretzel. OH NOES, pretzels are going to kill Obama! In conclusion, I do not comprehend what the hell is the deal with teleprompter fear. They are our friends. Not like those damn pretzels.
- LV

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Multiple Exclamation Marks Are A Sure Sign Of A Diseased Mind.

Blog
* if you have ever been on YouTube or Facebook, you know this to be true. Title is from Eric, by Terry Pratchett, years before the interwebs destroyed grammar.

YouTube Wonders
* This is a video from the new Sears Tower ledge:

This is the 103rd floor. IN THE AIR. I need a moment to stop screaming/crying at the idea of being left out on that ledge for any period of time. HOLY SHIT.

Books
* Here's a list of science fiction books that effectively started their own genres. Now I need to read Infernal Devices and see the birth of steampunk, because steampunk is win. And of course everyone should read Neuromancer, because WIlliam Gibson knows things about the future.

* It's Sunday, and I am trying to have a fabulous day. Because I haven't had a really sensational twenty-four hours in a while, and I'm due. This sort of thing isn't helping me at all. Lauren Conrad, who is on that show The Hills which I have never seen because I like my brain, has written a book. And it's number one on the Best-Seller list. For the second week.
And now people are wondering if perhaps she's the next Stephenie Meyers, which normally I would find FUNNY, except that I have been working on my own book since October of last year, and I am starting to get twitchy when anyone mentions Microsoft word OR vampires, and it's HARD to write a book, and if Ms. Conrad did that I applaud her, but realistically it was some slob like me who is hungry enough to accept all the hard work without any of the credit.
I just.... THIS IS DEPRESSING. This girl can't string two sentences together, and she seems to be in some Epic Battle with Spencer Pratt, is the internet can be trusted, and she has money and clothes, and is she the one who made out with Chris Pine? BECAUSE SHE HAS ENOUGH. I JUST WANT TO PUBLISH A BOOK AND GET MY OWN PLACE. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK, MS. CONRAD? OR DO YOU WANT MY PARENT'S HOUSE TOO? But mainly I'm annoyed because
A) Even if my book sucks, there are so many wonderful authors that get ignored because some dumb celebrity wants to be a 'writer,' Have you heard of Will Christopher Baer? No? Exactly.
B) If Stephenie Meyers has started a new trend of shit writing that will dominate the publishing world for years to come, someone needs to get me a large amount of crack cocaine, stat. I frown on drug use, but it's either that or I start SLAPPING people.
C) Yes, I'm partly annoyed because my book isn't done, and even if I ever DO finish it, I can admit it's not very good, and probably won't get published, and if it does Alan Moore will travel to my house and laugh in my face, and that will be terribly sad.
D) The title of her book is stupid.

Vampires
* True Blood comes back tonight. I think it would be funny if Bill and Sam made out. Just putting that out there, Alan Ball.

* YES. THIS IS WHAT I NEED IN MY LIFE:

[Found at Neatorama]
That's a shiv crucifix, used in prisons to defend yourself against evil priests, I guess. BUT HOW PERFECT WOULD THIS BE AGAINST VAMPIRES? Especially if your vampires are sensitive to silver, which mine may be, possibly. I don't know. They don't like fire. We established that last chapter. There are other weapons too, but I'm still excited over the idea of the shiv crucifix. One of my characters used to be a priest. IRONY.

People I Love
* This is the editor lady of Italian Vogue.

[Found at Gawker]
I love this woman. Seriously. If she was wearing a turban (WHICH SHE MIGHT BE, or a headband), I would ask her to adopt me. This is exactly what I want to be like when I'm old. You reach a certain age, and you say, 'Fuck it. I've survived this long, GAME OVER. I'm doing whatever I want and eating what I want and my hair and makeup will make you think of CLOWNS and if you piss me off I will beat you with my colostomy bag.' Man, I can't WAIT to be old and senile.

Movie!Fail
* This crisis has been averted, but it still scares me. If Justin Timberlake had been cast as the Green Lantern, how long would it be before the Jonas Brothers insisted on playing the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? YOU KNOW THIS WOULD HAPPEN. And I have to admit, I was rooting for Bradley Cooper. Not just because he is stupidly attractive, but because he really does seem more suited for the role. Not that I'm complaining about Ryan Reynolds. He's got nice arms, and I really enjoyed him in Blade: Trinity. Mainly because he was chained shirtless to the floor while Parker Posey screeched at him, but that' besides the point.

Depression Session
* The depression recession may get everyone laid, because of desperation, I don't know, the article was very long. Oh, it's because we are all sad about not having any money, so we're going to have sex to forget the fact that we're hungry. Yeah. The media is really scraping the bottom of the barrel, isn't it?

TeeVee
* And you thought TV was violent now:

[Found at Geekologie]
There are more here, but mysteriously there is not one of Wile E. Coyote chowing down on Road Runner, and for that I am very sad.

Journalism
* Sigh. I am tired of these articles about how the internet is killing journalism. It isn't. It may be forcing journalism to adapt quickly to a new and untried medium, but it isn't KILLING it. Like television did not kill books (we are NOT DISCUSSING THE HILLS GIRL AND HER BOOK OF FAIL ANYMORE.), and TV did not kill the radio.
I think some of these fear is justified - people getting news from unreliable sources written by people who have only a passing concept of spelling does not bode well for general knowledge. And it would be nice if the magazine industry wasn't going to collapse. But I can't help but feel that at least PART of this whole panic has to do with older journalists having anxiety attacks over Twitter and HTML and blogs, and not really understanding what they're doing.
This article tries to be different, and insists that the internet is ultimately just committing suicide, and soon there will be no writing and we'll be writing on cave walls again, while Harlan Ellison laughs and laughs.

Wow
* This is a pretty castle made out of paper:

[Found at Neatorama]
I make bowls out of magazines.... Yeah, I'll just sit quietly and appreciate.

Geek Want
* I really think I should just make a whole category based on the things I will one day by that will irretrievably screw up my children. Because they will have one of these:

[Found at BoingBoing]
LOOK HOW HAPPY THE LITTLE BABY IS IN HER EYEBALL MONSTER CAR. It's CUTE. The baby, not the car.
'Come on Rorschach, Jr. come to Mommy!'
Also if it has its own categories, Child Services will have a much easier time setting up a case. I like to think of others.

Daily Hot Guy

[Bruce Springsteen, AKA The Boss. I'm from New Jersey. I apologize for NOTHING]

Politics
* Because Sonia Sotomayor belongs to a women's group, she is a sexist person and unfit for office, or America, because only menfolk are allowed to have exclusive clubs, and this means she is trying to keep rich white men DOWN, and are we going to STAND for that?

* Because of this article by the International Society of Supervillains, I kind of suspect that if Mark Sandford had worn a top hat during his press conference, we would have given him a raise. Also if he hadn't cried like Nite Owl in his basement after Penis Fail '85.

* It is juvenile and unprofessional to make Dick Cheney 'dick' jokes. Until it comes out that he is linked to covering up the CIA program of Evil Mystery. Then it is not only mature, it is wise and rational. HOW MUCH MORE VILE CAN ONE PERSON BECOME? Is there no depths he will sink to? Mr. Cheney: Machiavelli did not write The Prince about you in particular, no matter how much you'd like to believe that. Also you make children cry and even George W. Bush wants you to go away forever, you sad, senile old monster. Please don't kill/sue me, I have a busy week. But seriously: dick jokes? Whoever submits the best one gets to.... not be shot in the face by the former Vice President. Oh, God, Joe Biden, I love you more than ever because you don't make people WEEP.

* Sarah Palin went on a radio show about guns and chatted with Ted Nugent. I want those two to release a CD together. "Guns a Palin"? "Semi-AutoNugent Palin"? I can't think up a good pun, but you guys should. Because I couldn't make up shit like this if I TRIED. Nor would I want to.

I wrote a really funny thing here, but Blogger ate it and I am upset now, so I am not going to rewrite it until something else good happens today, at which point I will be so filled with joy and light that the internet will dance on the head of a pin with angels who look like Hugh Laurie. Or something.
- LV

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Do Not Fear Me! Ours Is A Peaceful Race & We Must Live In Harmony.

Blog
* Unless they're Reapers. I do not care at all for Reapers. Title is from Firefly.

YouTube Wonders
* Zachary Quinto and his steak friends, again. Apparently this is his way of promoting vegetarianism, because, 'He doesn't eat his friends.' Well, my friends do not dress up as giant pieces of prime cut, so clearly we have nothing in common, Mr. Quinto. I'm terribly disappointed in you. Cute dog, though.

And the comments are right. Nobody makes fun of the hat.

Books
* Ray Bradbury hates the internet. Ergo, it is evil. Ergo, I will never use the internet again. I'll be like J.D. Salinger, only not famous or brilliant. I may have to rethink that life plan.

Comic-Con
* Dear California: I hate you. You are smug and superior and everyone I like lives there (mostly) and people seem to think you're more cultured than New Jersey, even though Meryl Streep is from here and she is the APEX of culture, so HA.
What I'm trying to say is, THIS IS NOT FAIR. The San Diego Comic-Con is making me cry bitter fangirl tears (Yes, I know I've been crying a lot in these blog entries. I am fragile, and the world is cruel). I mean - DARICK ROBERTSON IS GOING TO BE THERE. I MET HIM. AND... AND... THIS IS JUST FRIDAY. THERE ARE TWO MORE DAYS. I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS. I'm going to go think happy thoughts about Watchmen. OH WAIT, JACKIE EARLE HALEY WILL BE THERE TOO. Really, California, must you take everything from me? (Yes, I know the whole state is in economic free-fall, and I hope that you get that sorted out soon, and everything comes up roses, but Movie Industry: have you considered the potential of basing all studios in New Jersey? WE HAVE BEACHES TOO.

People I Love
* And here we have a video of Russell Brand explaining a ball bag to us. Please don't look at me like that. I don't judge. Neither should you. Also, Russell Brand may be Jesus on acid, so we should be nice to him, just in case.

Movie!Fail
* AHAHAHAHAHA.... I'm sorry, it's rude to laugh without an explanation. They're adapting The A-Team into a movie. That is not fail yet, because it will have Liam Neeson and Bradley Cooper, who are both win. HOWEVER, the studio is considering The Game (a rapper) to play the part of Mr. T. Now laugh with me! Because nobody can play Mr. T, except Mr. T. It would defy the laws of God and man. Can you imagine ANYONE trying to play Mr. T? No. Mr. T will either laugh The Game into oblivion, or he will be annoyed and rip out his organs, pity them, shove them back in his carcass, where they will quiver inside him for the rest of his miserable, pitied life. I have nothing against The Game. I don't know him or his work. It's just this: There is Mr. T, and there is everybody else. (Although now that I think about it, Alan Moore might be able to pull it off, just because he is a wizard. DON'T HURT ME MR. MOORE. I NEED TO LIVE TO SEE WATCHMEN IN THEATERS AND NIN.)

Depression Session
* When they turn off your gas because you can't pay your bills, and you are cold and hungry and afraid of the IRS, or zombies, or IRS zombies, remember this: you can start a fire with your cell-phone battery. This will also be helpful when you can't pay your cell-phone bills and need to find an alternate use. Or if you like fire. Pretty soon everything we own will be used for something else. We'll be like The Road, only hopefully I won't break down in tears at the end, like I did when I read the book, and it was on an airplane, and the person beside me was not pleased with my expression of pain.

TeeVee
* Here's another article on the rebranding of Sci-Fi to SyFy. I get it. It's stupid and weird, and annoys me in an obscure but intensely grammatical way, and I do not think it's worth the effort. But if it makes them happy, and they don't fuck with their programming and start doing shows like, So You Think You're An Alien or Desperate Earthlings, I don't care. Call yourself whatever you want. My science-fiction attention is totally turned to BBC America right now, anyway. TORCHWOOD AND DOCTOR WHO. And I lied, I would religiously watch So You Think You're An Alien.

Journalism
* This is an example of a panic-inducing headline to a thoroughly mundane article. This is what we like to call BAD journalism. This is akin to titling your article, "WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE" and the piece being about the average old age. Woodward and Bernstein are very, very disappointed in you.

* Continuing with "Stupid, awful shit Bill O'Reilly said," we have him ripping Michael Jackson. That's fine. You don't have to like him, and while he was never convicted of anything, you are entitled to your opinion, you don't have to like the guy, many people don't.
HOWEVER. You cannot start off your show saying the Jacksons should be left alone because they just lost a beloved family member, then effectively shits on the man. Once again, that's OK. Well, it's not OK. It's tacky and malicious and hypocritical, but we're used to that. I wouldn't expect any less. So what am I annoyed about, you ask?
Because he said, ahem,

"If he's such a black American icon, why did he have his kids with white men!?"

Yeah. Exactly. I can't even begin to dissect all that is wrong in one sentence. There's.... there's so much wrong. It cancels out all the other wrongs. It overwhelms them. It actually hurts my brain to try to explain this. If you need me to explain why this is not OK, AT ALL, we need to have a talk. I am actually angry about this, because IT MISSES THE POINT. You don't have to like Michael Jackson. You don't have to be upset that he died. You can even ignore his contributions to music, if you want. But.... GAH. MY HEAD AND MY DESK ARE ONE.
OK, here's something I CAN discuss. Mr. O'Reilly, in this clip I watched and then spent ten minutes storming around the house screaming at, even though he can't hear me and is laughing all the way to the bank, seems to think that by dying you automatically become a hero and all sins are forgiven:

Mr. O'Reilly, I can say without a shadow of a doubt, that this will not happen to you. I need to go soak my head.

Wow
* This is a dragon made out of soda pop tops:

[Found at Geekologie]
This is freaking sweet. I want one, but I don't want to have to put in any effort to get one. Will you make one for me? I'll drink all the soda, and you do all the labor. Sounds fair? Yes? Where are you going?

Geek Want
* I'm glad you're back, because this is a sofa that turns into a fort:

[Found at LikeCool]
They say it's a tent, but that is a filthy lie. It's a fort. Like the ones I used to make out of the couch cushions as a kid, before I was told that 23-year-old women don't do such things, so now I only do it when no one is around, I WIN. XKCD told me I could

I'm going to buy one of these babies, and I'm having a camp-out in the living room, and I'm watching zombie movies and eating popcorn and pizza and drinking beer and it's going to be AWESOME. It will be like my childhood, only with alcohol.

Daily Hot Guy

[Patrick Wilson, AKA Nite Owl, who I will always refer to as either A) The Ass-Slap of Destiny (Little Children) or B) The Man Crying Naked in His Basement Because Of Penis Fail. I tease because I love, Patrick. Your arms are pretty.]

Politics
* I have a lot of politics links that need to be yelled about, and I'm still furious about Bill O'Reilly, and I have not had a cigarette yet today, so this section may be rather longer than usual.

* Because I am going to milk Sarah Palin for all she's worth (that is a DISGUSTING visual), let's hear from her former-future-on-in-law, would-be model & daughter-sperminator, Levi Johnston:

“She had talked about how nice it would be to take some of this money people had been offering us and you know just run with it, say ‘forget everything else,’

Levi, I get that this is your meal-ticket, but come on. Sarah Palin wants money? Not news? Sarah Palin wants money to send back to the alien home-planet so they can start a lucrative real-estate business? News. At least IMPLY that there's something scandalous going on here. Please? Journalists should not lie, because that is immoral and wrong. But you're not a journalist, and when your lies are exposed you'll get even MORE press, and I'll have more to write about, so wins all around.

* I am clinging to the Mark Sandford news story, even though it's sort of boring overall, because the dude had an affair, and that's it. But he DID cry during the press conference, which is entertainment, and his wife wants no part of this, which I respect, so there may be a story in there somewhere. Not to mention the mind-boggling stupidity of an elected official disappearing from his post for DAYS ON END with NO WAY TO CONTACT HIM while his state is in an economic crisis. Also, we cannot forget that Sandford used state funds to go get his sexy on with this lady, which is all kinds of wrong and immoral and STUPID, because people keep TRACK OF THESE THINGS, MR. SANDFORD. So maybe next time, pay in cash for everything, yes?

* One last bit of Palin news, because the lady's crazy cannot be quantified. Here is a handy-dandy list of a bunch of her more outrageous lies, and they are discredited as the lies they are. If you're going to lie, at least be sneaky or confusing. Or cry. Sandford cried. It didn't help HIM. Did you two go to the same political conference? "How to Fornicate With Your Mistress On The State's Dime & Quit Your Job For No Damn Reason Other Than Selfish Laziness"? Must have been a hell of a conference. Who was the speaker? Was it Gingrich? Also, did you know that Mrs. Palin hates polar bears? It's true, because she claimed they weren't endangered, when they TOTALLY ARE. Why do you hate the polar bears, Mrs. Palin? Are they making jokes about your daughter? Because that might be classified as a slight overreaction. Just saying.

Later I may write reviews of Public Enemies and Bruno, if you ask nicely and also get me tickets to Watchmen: Director's Cut for next week. Or I may do it anyway. WHO CAN TELL?
- LV

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My Household Appliance Is On Drugs. Horrible.

Blog
* I love Spider Jerusalem. Or hate him. Whatever he wants. Title is from Transmetropolitan, the best comic ever, except for some others, but it's genius and Darick Robertson is a nice guy. And Warren Ellis is, of course, a member of the Unholy Pantheon.

Freakangels Friday
* This week, there is no interlude, or WHATEVER. THERE IS ONLY THE GLORY OF FREAKANGELS. Which you should read right after reading my blog, and recommending my blog to everyone, because while I make no money off of this, maybe if I ever publish a book you will all feel pity for me and buy copies. So I'll sell three. Anyway, FREAKANGELS, HUZZAH! I cheated a little and read the first panel, but WHATEVER, I missed it last week. A week without FREAKANGELS is worthless. As every week, I will not read it until after I post this entry, and there will be spoilers at the bottom, under my signature.

Celebrity!Fail
* I don't GET Agyness Deyn. I also don't like typing her name, shouldn't it be spelled Agnes? Or am I mispronouncing it? Because boy, would that be embarrassing, and it would increase my dislike for her. Even though it would be MY fault, and not hers, that I mispronounce words. Anyway, she is a super-famous model-type, but she thinks she is one of those model-types that is determined to prove how quirky and interesting she is. Which I have enormous problems with.

[Found at GrrlPlanet]
Look, you are rich. Richer than I will ever be in this lifetime, unless I get impregnated by a celebrity who is married and must give me MILLIONS to keep my mouth shut. I have no plans for this weekend, why do you ask? Anyway. She is rich. And famous. And other famous people hang out with her. And I watched America's Next Top Model for ages, but really modeling is still essentially walking around in gorgeous clothes. You are pretty, and have a look that designers love. You are tall as all hell, and your hair is amazing and I could never pull it off. So be grateful you are getting paid loads of money to BE PRETTY. This is a GOOD JOB.
I get it. You don't want to come across as vapid. You want to be seen as a complete person with thoughts and dreams and a personality. That's fair. But wearing shit like this isn't the right way to go:

[Found at TheInsider]
You are not Lady Gaga. Lady Gaga wears weird shit as a art. She ENJOYS the weird. You can tell. She gave her teacup a NAME. Yes, I'm biased, but Gaga's wardrobe is so weird that it crosses the line from 'This girl has no fashion sense,' to 'This girl is doing something with clothes that goes beyond fashion.'
Also, Agnes, may I call you Agnes? You are not a unique and beautiful snowflake. I lived in the East Village, wear Converse, smoke cigarettes, and love weird hats. I'm not rich and famous and tall, but you don't seem to like that part of your life. You don't like fashion? Here's a thought. I'll trade with you for a day. I'll wear gorgeous expensive clothes and be tall and use my millions to buy Russell Brand, or at least get his phone number. You come chill in Jersey with my parents and my brother. We'll see who cracks first. And I won't be ass enough to complain about my life. Also no trade-backs.
PS You want to be an un-modely model? Kate Moss already played that part, and SHE got Johnny Depp. Back to square one, Aggie.

Doctor Who
* I don't care WHO directs the Doctor Who movie. I just want it out NOW. I also want people to stop Tweeting about Torchwood, because I don't get to see it until the 20th of July because American TV FAILS hideously. And now I'm all worried about Ianto, who I LOVE, and don't want anything to happen to him because my favorite characters always die. Can we just have the Doctor Who movie? And Torchwood now? And Ianto come and console me? And Jack be a sexy rascal? And Doctor Who and Torchwood combine forces and make a Rated R movie? Ooh, my coffee just kicked in.

TwiHate
* The title of the article is: Will Twilight Ruin This Year's Comic Con?
Yes. Next?

Zombies
* OH NO, THEY GOT THE BUNNIES!

[Found at TheWorldsBestEver]
We're doomed. DOOMED. Who could decapitate Mr. Flopsy-Wopsy?

Girly Shit
* Here is an article about mascaras. Because I worry about thick lashes, in between fretting over the zombie apocalypse and the Watchmen Director's Cut and the NIN tour that I NEED to attend, and how to get hold of a flame-thrower, and when I'm going to finish my damn book. I do. This is why my brain always hurts. And why I can never remember what day it is.

Music
* Lady Gaga officially beats Madonna, in case you had any doubts. Remember when Madonna had the cone boobs? Watch this:

That is right, her cone-like boobs BURST INTO SPARKLY FLAMES. SUCK IT, MADONNA. Go pretend to be British with Gwyneth Paltrow. I need to go buy TWO flame-throwers.

Technology
* This robot serves coffee.

Why, I wonder, is it not here serving its purpose? Now I have to get up and get another cup ON MY OWN. Thanks for nothing, Japan.

Watchmen
* This is the only thing keeping me from crying bitter fangirl tears over A) The Comic-Con, B) My stress over trying to get to the theater to see Watchmen next week, and C) Life, in General. Because loyal fans can view the Watchmen panel at the Comic-Con from the INTERWEBZ. If they.... bought the Blu-Ray? WAIT A SECOND, WAIT A SECOND. I DON'T HAVE BLU-RAY, ZACK SNYDER. I am trying to sell organs to get to this movie, and driving my friends to the brink of sanity, and THIS IS HOW YOU THANK ME? I HAVE A RORSCHACH TATTOO. I SHOULD GET TO GO TO EVERYTHING FOR FREE. AIRTIGHT LOGIC. I need more coffee.

Tattoo Of Win

[Found at LOLTATZ]
Um... then... why did you get a ketchup tattoo? Because you could have gotten mustard, you know. As a tattoo. If you wanted.

Daily Hot Guy

[Jackie Earle Haley as Rorschach. As the brilliant danceswithelvis succinctly put it, 'Nothing is getting done now.']

Food
* I was born in 1986 (waits for chorus of either A) "Oh, I feel old", or B) "Wow, she's OLD" to subside), so I missed most of the eighties, being caught up with learning basic motor skills and all. But I remember everything from this list of Top Ten Uniquely '80s Foods:
10. Jawbreakers: Didn't.
9. The California Raisin: I still will not eat raisins, because of those commercials, and also this conversation.... Dammit, I can't find the clip. Well, here's the trailer, and listen to the bit about raisins and how they fail. It's Johnny Depp, and this is one of my all-time favorite romances, ever.

Ah, hell, here's another brilliant clip, and I may have fallen in love with a guy because he did that roll thing for me once. This may also explain my fedora love.

8. Cool Ranch Doritos: Weren't.
7. Tri-Color Pasta Salad: My mom still makes this. Now it's VEGAN, though.
6. Orange Julius: I wasn't allowed to have these, for complicated reasons I can't remember.
5. Equal: I'm a Splenda girl now.
4. Artificially Flavored Fruit Snacks: I wasn't ALLOWED to have Gushers, so I had to trade for them at school. My little brother lives entirely off of these things now. This still angers mke.
3. Tab Cola: I STILL DRINK THIS. I love Tab. But it's expensive, so I can't buy it every week, since I drink so much soda that this would run me into financial ruin in under a month.
2. Lean Cuisine: I still eat these.
1. Capri Sun: I loved this. My brother now loves them. Some things never change.

Words Of Win

[Found at GiveUpInternet]

YouTube Wonders
* I know this video has made the rounds, and it's disgusting, but I was one of the FEW people who knew immediately what this grossness was:

When I was a little girl, I had pet newts. I don't know why. I wanted a goddamn puppy. And later got one, but first I had newts, to prove I was responsible. Even though newts are not the most labor-intensive pets you can hope for. This is a newt:

[Found at WildInBritain]
I loved my newts. They were cute and not slimy at all, and they crawled on my fingers. And they ate these:

I didn't like to feed my newts, and usually cried until my dad did it for me. Bugs are gross. So in conclusion, I am smarter than the internets. I always suspected.

That was long. Coffee powers ACTIVATED!
- LV
SPOILERS FOR THIS WEEK'S FREAKANGELS BELOW
KARL LIVES! Actually, I think this week's FREAKANGELS raised a really interesting question about rape, and memory, and didn't fall on either side. I'm intrigued. Then it went straight to Karl yelling about Abu Ghraib and winding up for a real self-righteous rant, and then Arkady starts yelling about poo, and this panel made me snerk coffee:

There is NOTHING Warren Ellis and Paul Duffield can't do. NOTHING. And KARL HASN'T DIED YET! I AM SMILES! Until next week....

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