Day 33 Of Unemployment: Mini-Post - Review of 'Halloween'

My review of Halloween, directed by Rob Zombie:

Denial: Surely nobody could possibly make such a bad movie. Certainly nobody involved with Grindhouse. And obviously nobody could badly remake such a brilliant film (ignores Psycho, The Fog, The Haunting, Alfie, Wild Wild West, House Of Wax, The Truth About Charlie, The Pink Panther, Down To Earth, and most remakes ever.)

Anger: WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST WATCH? WHAT MANNER OF BULLSHIT IS THIS? WHY IS EVERYONE A HICK? HOW MANY BORING TEENAGE HUMPING SESSIONS CAN ONE MOVIE HAVE? WHY IS THE DOCTOR DRESSED LIKE ANDY WARHOL?! WHAT TESTICLE-CHOPPING MONSTER CONVINCED DANNY TREJO TO SOIL HIMSELF IN THIS FILM? WHY IS THE CREEPY KID SO VERY ANNOYING, AND HIS HAIR SO VERY LONG? I HATE EVERYONE! IT BURNS!

Bargaining: Please, please, Hollywood - I'll give you my firstborn if you stop raping the past. Please? And my spleen. Just make the bad men stop.

Depression: There will never be a good movie again. Film is dead, and I was at its final, gasping moments of agony.

Acceptance: I survived Wild Wild West on the big screen - I will survive this. But I must spread the word, so that nobody will ever suffer like I have.
- LV

PS Here are a few GOOD remakes to help with your therapy, if you were unlucky enough to think Halloween would be a fun, stupid movie, and were as traumatized as I am by the actual results:
* Dawn of the Dead
* Charlie & The Chocolate Factory (I actually like it better than the Gene Wilder version - it sticks closer to the book, and doesn't have the scary tunnel sequence)
* His Girl Friday
* The Thomas Crown Affair
* The Fly
* The Ring
* Ocean's 11
* The Manchurian Candidate
* The Maltese Falcon
* King Kong

PPSS I saw Britney Spears' VMA performance on YouTube. It was more terrifying than anything in Halloween.

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To Begin

How do you introduce yourself? Are the facts I consider important really that significant? And how do I differ from thousands of other people out there, banging away at their keyboards with an inflated sense of their own self-worth?

Not as much as I'd like to imagine, probably. So let's get the basics out of the way.

I'm a twenty-one year-old female. I was born in New Jersey, and lived there for most of my formative years. I graduated from college last week [Eugene Lang, for anyone remotely interested]. I smoke. I drink. I live in the Financial District with my roommate, who is certifiable. I'm trying to make a career for myself as a journalist. I have a paid internship at a major publishing company as an Editorial Assistant in the children's department. I start in June.

I also like all the usual shit that people like: books, TV shows, movies, comics, serial killers, the impending zombie attack. I also like lists. I have lists for everything, from the usual shit [TV shows, movies, comics, food, children's names], to a few less common areas, like Fictional Characters I Would Tackle And Drag Into A Dark Alley To Violate and Most Inappropriate Things To Say On A First Date.

Fun factoid: all my children's names are for boys. So, if I'm ever insane enough to reproduce, I will most likely end up with a screaming passel of spoiled little girls demanding Bratz toys or Britney Spears records. Or whatever they'll have in those dark days of the future.

Anyway. I've started this blog to chronicle life post-college. I feel like it will be entertaining, at least to me. So far, nothing is different, except I'm procrastinating doing laundry instead of writing a paper on the cultural significance of dirt.

A few things I'm currently fixated on: Doctor Who, V For Vendetta, Will Christopher Baer, Watchmen, The Poughkeepsie Tapes, Quentin Tarantino, and Hunter S. Thompson [to be fair, I've been obsessed with Hunter S. Thompson and Quentin Tarantino since high school, but that's neither here nor there].

Stupid Things That Really Bug Me
1. When people spit.
2. Fake nails
3. Saying, 'bum a smoke.'
4. New York smoking laws.
5. The phrase, 'post-modern.'
6. People who iron their pillowcases.
7. Car alarms.
8. The fact that I have seen a picture of Britney Spears' vagina.
9. Ann Coulter's existence.
10. People who say, 'like' after every word.

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