Clouds Don't Kill People. People Kill People.

Blog
* What if people killed people, only with the mighty power of clouds? Did I just blow your mind? HA, a wind joke... don't look at me. Title is from Psych.

* April I will be blogging every day for NaBloPoMo, because the blogging here has been disgraceful. Really, there is dust everywhere, no one has been in here to blog in ages, and IS THAT A ROACH? SOMEONE KILL IT WITH FIRE.

Music
* I am going to pimp out my friend Danielle's EP, Stagefright at Traffic Lights, because A) she is brilliant and beautiful and Irish, B) she is a wonderful friend, and C) the EP is remarkable. My personal favorite song is 'Pact,' but her piano work and lyrics are lovely, funny, and sad. It's dark, clever cabaret, and worth a listen. You can sample the songs for free, but you need to download the album to get two secret tracks. Oh, and Danielle is also a writer, a blogger, and I think I need to go visit her in October at Octocon, FOR SCIENCE.

Whut?

[Found at VeryDemotivational.com]
I get it's supposed to be a joke, but Patrick Star over in the corner is REALLY freaking me out. Also, WHAT?

Food!Win
* See, this cake is too cute to eat, which I think is rude.

[Found at Geekologie]
How can I eat something so adorable and sweet and wholesome? ....OK, I would, but I'd feel guilty about it. Really guilty. There would be tears. Remember that Simpsons episode where Homer had to eat Pinchie, because Pinchie would have wanted it? Yeah, basically that, only me weeping between bites of cake, whimpering, "Why did you have to be so delicious, Wall-E, stop staring at me is that real buttercream icing?"

Words Of Win
* See, guys, it's stuff like this that makes people hate America:

[Found at FailBlog]
Hell, I hate us, and I live here. Oh, and I really wish they'd put an apostrophe in "you'd," because that is how my brain works.

Fandom
* Did you know you can buy a replica of the dagger Jake used in Avatar?

[Found at Nerd Approved]
For $129, you can immediately ostracize the many, many people who didn't like Avatar (or, like me, thought it was overrated, and preferred the original version, AKA Ferngully: The Last Rainforest).

But you know what you can't buy? The best picture Oscar, HAH. It's OK, James Cameron is wiping his tears with $100 bills, while I make nasty comments about his expensive memorabilia. So everyone wins, really. Remember when Avatar lost the Oscar to a movie that didn't involve hair!sex? Yeah, I was excited. I'm sorry, it was a beautiful movie - really, visually gorgeous and I want to be Sigourney Weaver when I grow up, but I am an immature young lady, and I cannot get past the fact that they ran around STICKING THEIR BODY PARTS IN LIVING THINGS. It's rude. I'm sorry, this is the last rant on Avatar ever. It's time to let it go. I must be stronger than my exasperation.

What was I talking about? Oh, the daggers. They're very pretty.

People I Love
* Did I ever tell you guys about the time Warren Ellis Tweeted me, and I was so worried I'd say something to inspire his much-deserved wrath that I had to turn off my laptop and go drink some tea, to calm down? Probably, because I love and fear Warren Ellis and the awful things he says. I also love Twitter, to the point where my private account has a shameful number of Tweets that speaks of serious problems, but I never use my Facebook, so it evens out, RIGHT?

Anyway. This is how Warren Ellis refers to Twitter:

Twitter: A Shitbox For Your Brain

And thus it is. I mean, look at what he writes on Twitter. BEHOLD:

* Haven’t trimmed my beard in so long that it’s gone from Crackling Virility Hedge to Hobo Rape Thicket.

If Twitter is a Shitbox for your brain, there are disturbing implications about my need to compulsively Tweet my irritation over toilet paper commercials.

(WHY BEARS? SOMEONE EXPLAIN HOW THIS WILL SELL ME A PRODUCT).

Love and fear are both part of the Warren Ellis packet. And sometimes some nausea. Also, I really really need this Brain Bleach Mug, so someone should buy it for me. I'll blog more! And... drink coffee from it, probably.

Daily Hot Guy
[Misha Collins, AKA Castiel from Supernatural, AKA "I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition," AKA BAMF ANGEL, AKA did you know his appearance is based on Constantine from Hellblazer? Yes, I have a problem with him. No, I don't want to talk about it. 2010: The Year Of Hot Badass Angels. And LV said it was good.]

Daily Icon

[Carrie Fisher, inarguable proof that you can be a total hottie, an actress, an author, a memoirist, and a brilliantly funny human being. And have a sense of humor about your gold bathing suit.]

Awesome
* It's funny because it's true. And it explains why blogging in the morning can be nigh on impossible, when there is suddenly decaffeinated coffee in the vicinity. What is the point of decaf? TO DESTROY LIVES AND BLOGS, THAT'S THE POINT.

[Found at The Oatmeal]
There are four more phases, and only two of them are good. The other two... we don't talk about those. You can't crash if you NEVER STOP DRINKING CAFFEINE. No, I never abused my caps lock key before I started ingesting energy drinks on a daily basis, why do you ask?

Technology
* I usually blame the failings of technology on the evil demons that live in the internet, or my own near-legendary skill to destroy things without trying. So when this reason came up in the Bastard Operator From Hell-Style Excuses Server, I felt JUSTIFIED:

Daemon escaped from pentagram .

The excuses on this page for server errors make me happy, and I think if we all used them constantly, the world would be a better place. Now someone go redraw the pentagram. And get more rock salt.

Life Lessons
* I don't know if Millarca made this or just found it, but either way it is the ultimate and final truth:

If she and Freddie Mercury joined forces, the universe would be a fabulous and lovely place. Why is this not the way life is?

Movie!Win
* Yes, this is very old, but you know what? Win is Win, and I demand that some of these improbable movie trading cards exist, RIGHT NOW:

[Found at Automatic Lifestyle Dispenser]
I would buy Barton Fink trading cards. I would buy them like nobody's business. And Miller's Crossing trading cards. Man, that was a fantastic movie. Oh, and remember The Hudsucker Proxy? I love the Coen brothers. And they seem like they'd make trading cards, don't they? This feels so right.

Wow
* Sometimes, I really and truly believe that the internet was created with the sole purpose of slowly driving us all insane:

[Found at LikeCool]
Why? Who looks at a mosquito (one of the most evil creatures on the planet, and right up there with raisins and clowns on the list of Things LV Hates & Fears), and thinks, 'Gee, wouldn't it be super-nifty if mosquitos were mated with elephants, and destroyed civilization by SMOOSHING US, THEN SUCKING THE SMOOSHED BLOOD?' You know what? I don't want to know the logic there. Mosquitos are evil, and I hate them, and now I need a tennis racket for when it gets warmer, because these things are coming.

Yes, artistically it's gorgeous and well-done, but let's forget that and focus on the abject horror here. And why do I feel like the elephant is undressing me with his eyes? I'm all sorts of uncomfortable.

WTF, INTERNET?
* You know what? It's images like these that make me want to give up on this category, because there is HONESTLY NOTHING I could write that would in any way enhance the insanity of this product:

[Found at Nerd Approved]
It's a Screaming Condom USB drive. Yeah. You know, I don't get paid for this. And if I did, I'd be demanding a raise, because HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO MAKE ANY JOKES ABOUT A SCREAMING CONDOM USB DRIVE? THE PRODUCT IS THE JOKE. SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE.

Now I have a headache, and a pervasive fear that a random blue condom will show up and scream at me, and I will never know why. Well played, Internet.
- LV

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Did You Ever Get That Ninja Ghost Out Of Your Toilet?

Blog
* Actually, we came to a cautious truce with the ninja ghost. His name is Frank. We don't use that toilet anymore. Title is from Invader Zim.

* LOOKIT. A REAL BLOG ENTRY.

WTF, INTERNET?
* At first, I thought this was just a joke.

see more Epic Fails
It's not.
Now, let's try to imagine using this in real life. What do you do when your partner straps this onto their head? How do you respond? Laughing awkwardly while trying to gather up your clothes? Hitting them with the nearest lamp and fleeing to a nunnery/convent/monastery?
I can see someone buying this as a gag, but the idea of a person purchasing this with the serious intent of using it to find their partners' bits just messes with my head. You should not need a special light for this. The end. NO, THE END. The conversation is over.

Fandom
* I don't give a crap WHICH fandom you are a member of, this may very well be the most terrifying pillow in existence:

[Found at Regretsy]
Its neck NEVER ends. It just goes on and on forever, and bobs gently in the breeze, as it stares at you with its dead, empty eyes.
And the name itself bugs me: Manllow. Shouldn't it be 'Manillow'? Or are we worried that Barry Manilow will sue? This pillow raises questions I simply am not qualified to answer.

Animals
* I'm pretty sure one of the girls from World Peace Through Jackie Earle Haley showed me this. I remember crying with laughter for several minutes.

See more funny videos and TBT Videos at Today's Big Thing.

I want this frog to be America's mascot. Not for any political reasons. I just love this frog.

Music
* The quality isn't great, but A) it's Butch fucking Walker, and B) I WAS AT THIS SHOW, with the sublime Laroux74, and we had to SWIM to get there, and I want to go again. He's better in concert, and I didn't think that was possible.


Zombies
* The fact that this site exists makes up for pretty much everything I've ever shown in WTF, INTERNET?. Oh, and it confirms that ZOMBIES ARE TAKING OVER. WE ARE DOOMED. WHERE'S MY FLAME THROWER? I TOLD YOU GUYS I NEEDED ONE.

Created by Mingle2.com (Dating for non-zombies)

Scary
* I hate myself for posting this. Reason number infinity I DO IN FACT NEED A FLAME THROWER, YOU GUYS. BURN THE EVIL.

[Found at Very Demotivational]
Clowns are proof that we live in an insane, evil universe that wants us to cry under the covers forever.

Daily Hot Guy

[It's OK, everyone! Tim Roth is here and he's going to shoot the clown, then set it on fire, light a cigarette off the burning clown, and make a pithy yet cutting remark in his accent. I feel better now. Tim Roth=Destroyer of Evil.]

Daily Icon

[Maya Angelou, writer, poet, literary goddess, and surprisingly funny when she's not breaking your heart. If all you've read of her work is I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings (in high school, under duress), reread it. Then go find her other works. Her poetry is breathtaking.]

Social Networking
* At least it's succinct:

see more funny facebook stuff!

Girly!Want
* Hopefully my readers either like really pretty shoes that I cannot afford, or naked lady butts:

[Found at Like Cool]
For those of you that enjoy both, you are very welcome. Now get me those shoes.

Food!Win
* Why isn't there a God of Caffeine? I mean, I jokingly make up minor gods all the time, like the God of Tangled Yarn, or the Goddess of Tripping In Front Of Your Ex And His New Girlfriend, or Goddess Of Being Out Of The One Goddamn Comic I Want To Buy This Week, but those don't count. I mean a real God of caffeine. Or a religion. We could worship caffeine, and talk about our favorite ways of ingesting caffeine, and maybe sacrifice sleeping pills to caffeine, possibly? This is starting to sound more like a support group. Which I'm also OK with.
And we could eat these:

[Found at ThinkGeek]
Yes, caffeinated cookies exist. And if you ingest them with energy drinks, you can run backwards through time. Or, you know, keel over and have to spend some time in the hospital.
Notice I managed to write a whole entry about caffeine without abusing the capslocks key. Just a sign of how little caffeine I have ingested today, and why I am a sleepy little blogger.

Moment Of Win
* Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the dentist....

see more Epic Fails
You know what would be even SCARIER? Put the oral sex light on the bear's head.

Epic!Fail
* I love England, and I want to move there and live there forever, because I think it's the best place in the universe. I am a fan of England. But before I relocate across an ocean for the love of all things British, events like these must stop taking place:

A DECISION to drop charges against a 10-year-old yob who admitted stabbing a teacher in the chest with a pencil and assaulting two other staff was condemned last night by teaching unions.

Children: Do not stab your teachers with ANYTHING. This is something I should not have to tell you. (Incidentally, why are you reading this blog, hypothetical child? WHAT ARE YOUR PARENTS DOING?)
Police: Do not drop charges against people who stab other people, with pencils or ANYTHING ELSE, OK?
Actually, if this had taken place in America, the kid would have stabbed EVERYONE with bayonet he made out of beer cans, and there'd already be a reality show about it, a made-for-TV movie, and a clothing line with strategically placed holes. So never mind, England. Carry on. Love, LV

People I Love
* I cannot draw. At all. In my wildest fantasies, I cannot draw. I accept this with a measure of bitterness, because I would very much like to have some talent in that area.
Luckily, my friends are brilliant, and draw pictures of Spider Jerusalem that make me happy in every way possible:

{Drawn by Puina]
So she'll draw things, and I can be all, 'I know wicked talented people, bitches,' and take pride through the accomplishments of others. Excellent plan.

I'd make some promise to blog regularly, but then you'd all be cross if I don't, and frankly I don't need that stress in my life. But I have an upcoming interview to post, reviews, yelling, stuff you need to buy made by people I know and love, and even a few serious pieces. It's ALL HAPPENING, PEOPLE. Eventually.

And if I don't blog, my excuse is that the state has FLOODED, and I'm chilling on my roof.
- LV

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So The Main Causes Of Accidents Are Joy, Sex, & Old Age?

Blog
* Yeah, actually, that's a fair statement. Title is from Mystery Science Theater 3000.

* So, remember guys, I'm going to be gone from Friday 12 February to Sunday 21 February, in England. I make NO promises to blog or do anything like that. I will simply take a shitload of pictures of England and the awesome that occurs there, which I will probably post on my return.

Fandom
* This poster makes me happy every damn time I look at it:

see more deMotivational Posters

Awesome
* Why is this a fail? I think people should be able to buy these for everyone. I want one. They're GENIUS:

[Found at Failblog]
I'm not kidding. This could be the best Valentine ever.

Food!Fail
* This list of things you can spread on bread is a total fucking fail, because it mocks mayonnaise. Mayonnaise is the ambrosia of the gods. I put it on everything. No, really, one of my favorite snacks is dark chocolate with mayonnaise. DON'T KNOCK IT UNTIL YOU TRY IT. God, you close-minded monsters make me sick. MAYONNAISE IS GOOD.

Technology
* I don't know about you, but I don't remember shit about being in utero. I don't really remember anything before the age of four, and most of my four-year-old memories involve The Land Before Time, (AKA the best goddamn movie EVER). What I'm trying to say is, I don't get the need to have the collection of cells in your tummy listen to 'My Humps':

[Found at Like Cool]
Oh, and this line really scares me:

"Researchers have demonstrated that reactive listening begins at 16 weeks, when your wee geek-to-be is roughly the size of a tasty avocado."

Partly because that's highly debateable, but mostly because now whenever someone tells me they're pregnant, I will instantly think, 'WHAT SIZE FRUIT IS THE FETUS?'

Politics
* I love Rahm Emanuel. He is like the Ari Gold of politics. He loses his shit and he says things and everyone freaks out, and it's awesome:

Monstrous hypertension record-setter Rahm Emanuel has A LOT OF SHIT TO DO AND DOESN’T HAVE TIME TO FUCKING HOST THIS FUCKING PANSY-ASS ROUNDTABLE SHIT, but he will GET IT OVER WITH and then will you people SHUT THE FUCK UP FINALLY. Apparently apologizing for a PRIVATE FUCKING REMARK wasn’t good enough for the FUCKING SHRIVERS and now what, he has to KISS SOME SHRIVER’S ASSHOLE and host a DELEGATION ARE YOU SERIOUS JESUS CHRIST OF FUCKING R–… WHATEVER YOU FUCKING CALL THEM… AT THE WHITE HOUSE, are you SERIOUS? FINE, let’s just FUCKING DO THIS…

(For my part, I think everyone overreacted, it wasn't like he screamed obscenities from the White House Press Room (although if he does, I want every YouTube video of that, EVER).

Oh, and Mr. Emanuel was a ballet dancer, which makes me love him so much for so many reasons.

If you say anything about his tights, he will motherfucking wreck you, bitches.

Life Lessons
* The lovely and brilliant Metalouise sent me this, and it cheered me up on a bad day, and more importantly exposed me to the GROSS INCOMPETENCE of our educational system:

Also, kids, remember you can always use the gasoline fires to cook your dog! Just another fun tip from Aunty Elle! Now fetch me a bottle of vodka and some smokes.

Daily Hot Guy

[Alan Rickman, who has rendered it impossible for me to see the new Robin Hood movie, because there is NO OTHER Sheriff of Nottingham beside him, YOU FOOLS.]

Movie!Win
* District 9 is an Oscar nominated film, and this makes me all sorts of happy. So does this interview with Terri Tatchell, writer of the screenplay and wife of director Neill Blomkamp. But no sequels, please, unless you can GUARANTEE the same degree of genius. PS. Ms. Tatchell, don't be nice to Avatar. DON'T ENCOURAGE TALL BLUE HAIR!SEX.

Daily Icon

[Lady Gaga, who is talented, smart, unapologetically weird, and most of all encourages you to celebrate who you are, bizarre as that may be. PLUS, she's short and from New York, and THAT means we should be friends and hang out and she should take me shopping. And I love the placement of that tattoo on her arm.]

Wow
* Dear Universe: If you need to make yet ANOTHER Friday the 13th remake (PLEASE DON'T), I think you need to give Jason this Hello Kitty Chainsaw:

[Found at Like Cool]
Because at the very least, if the movie sucks, I can laugh maliciously as Hello Kitty slaughters half-naked teens.

It's the SNOWPOCALYPSE! SNOWMAGEDDON. SNOWMG. Etc. I have the day off from work.
- LV

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If She Talked Any More Shit She'd Be Shaped Like A Toilet.

Blog
* COMING UP NEXT WEEK: People-shaped toilets! Brought to you by the internet! Title is from True Blood.

Words of Win
* I have some issues with this story:

A 14-YEAR-OLD boy drank gasoline for five years to obtain “energy” – just as his idols “Bumble Bee” or “Optimus Prime” do in “Transformers,” the Sichuan-based West China Metropolis Daily reported yesterday.

A) This kid drank gasoline for five YEARS? HOW IS HE ALIVE?
B) His parents knew about this and DID NOTHING? I don't have kids, but if I did, and I found my child drinking gasoline to be like a giant robot, I'd switch it, I don't know, APPLE JUICE? Something that won't STRIP YOUR INNARDS?
C) He kept this up for five years? Wouldn't you give up after a year or two when you didn't become a giant, super-powerful robot? Maybe I just lack conviction.
D) GASOLINE?

Doctor Who
* Yay, a new Doctor Who audio book read by David Tennent! Ten lives on forever!

`Hello, I'm the Doctor. And, if you can hear this, then one of us is going to die.'

.......Or not. Wait, can I have a third option?

Epic!Fail
* You know what?

see more deMotivational Posters
I'll use the other bathroom. You can use this one. The fact that this picture exists has ruined all of my Friday. It's just Photoshopped, RIGHT?

People I Love
* If it were not for the internet, I might never have seen this inexplicable and frankly fabulous picture:

[Found at Oh No They Didn't]
I take back everything bad I said about the interwebz.
(Note: No, I don't know, nor do I care. Really, I don't know why Quentin Tarantino is biting Christoph Waltz's ear. I HAVE NO IDEA. Some mysteries are best left unsolved]

Daily Hot Guy

[Bruce Campbell as Sam from Burn Notice. You know, Bruce Campbell visited the Virgin Islands once. Now they're The Islands.]

Childhood!Fail
* When I was a kid, my mom read me The Runaway Bunny:

[Found at World of Wonder]
And The Giving Tree. And my parents punished me by sending me to my room, not hinting that I could possibly be SENT AWAY to experience satanic ritual abuse.

Times have changed.

Daily Icon

[Vivien Leigh, actress, fashion fierceness, and BAMF English lady who could out-Southern the Southern Belles. Also Ophelia, Cleopatra, and Blanche Du Bois, among others. Most famously, Scarlett O'Hara, a shrewd bitch and brutally pragmatic woman who took no shit, and rocked some dressed I want. Requested by Alchemistique, who stole Scarlett's wardrobe.]

Awesome
* Whoever sent me this, thank you. I hated Forrest Gump. I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE FOR THIS. Except for Gary Sinise, who was a burning hunk of genius.


Fandom
* Yeah, this dress is not sexy, and I am not wearing it:

[Found at Like Cool]
The girl isn't helping matters. Her expression says, 'Yeah, can I have my paycheck and go wash the stink of failure from my skin?'
Can we just bring NES back?

Food!Fail
* It's things like this that make me profoundly grateful my grandmother does not read this blog. She's Italian, and takes cooking very, very seriously:

[Found at This Is Why You're Fat]
And I'm sure that ravioli stuffed with barbecued rib meat and mashed potatoes, sour cream, bacon and chives, all topped with melted cheddar, bacon, cheese sauce, green onions and shredded cheese breaks every taboo in her book of food.

Although then maybe I'd get an exclusive on a story like, 'Tiny Elderly Italian Woman Beats The Everloving Fuck Out Of Whoever Desecrated The Ravioli.' She would.

Technology
* Why, no, I haven't run out of iPad jokes, why do you ask?


Politics
* James O'Keefe is not a nice person. In fact, he is a shit head. He's not a political figure, so maybe this doesn't actually belong in this category, but he fucked with ACORN and now is fucking with New Orleans, and NOBODY would think that scrawny little piece of fail was a pimp. Oh, and he doesn't seem to like women, or people who are different races, or anybody who's not him. Can I see your cane for a minute, James?

* This photo of Scott Brown, like the iPad, NEVER stops being funny:

[Found at The ISS]
Hey, if the dude can be a naked politician, more power to him. I just think it's funny how naked he is, in Cosmopolitan. Oh, and the Democrats consider this guy to be the Fourth Horseman of the Apocalypse, when we all know it's a tall blue alien that wants to sex us with his hair.

Yes, I'm still pissed about Avatar.

Dollhouse
* Um, so reading this recap of the final episode of Dollhouse made me cry, which was surprising. I mean, the show was criminally uneven, with some of the worst episodes Joss Whedon has ever done, and some of the best episodes of any show he's ever done (Truth. There are a couple of Dollhouse episodes that rank as his finest work).

But I loved it, and I loved Topher and Alpha Wash, and I cried a few times at the series finale (AND AT ELIZA DUSHKU. I apologize for doubting you. You were fabulous.) and now I'm sort of pissed at Joss Whedon for not keeping the show consistently good.

THERE WAS POTENTIAL. AND FRAN KRANZ MAKES ME SHOUTY BECAUSE HE AND ALPHA WASH SHOULD TEAM UP WITH DR. HORRIBLE.

Anyway, all my above natterings are meaningless, because of one line in this article:

(Dear Christopher Nolan: Alan Tudyk should be the new Joker. Love, Everybody Who Knows What's Up.)

HOLY GOD. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE GENIUS THAT HAS BEEN UNLEASHED ON US? I WOULD SEE THIS. I WOULD SEE THE SHIT OUT OF THIS. HE COULD PWN CHRISTIAN BALE AND NOT EVEN BREAK A SWEAT. MY BRAIN IS SO HAPPY WITH THIS IDEA. AND DAVID TENNANT AS THE RIDDLER? I... I need to go lie down....

In other news, I need to knit a mustache for my shark. LITERALLY.
- LV

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Hey, I Couldn't Help But Notice How Much You Look Like Everybody Else!

Blog
* Nothing attracts men more than being nondescript! Title is from Mystery Science Theater 3000.

* I blogged every day this month. I deserve a damn reward of some sort. REWARD ME.

Awesome
* This dude duct-taped his plane together to fly home:

[Found at Unique Daily]
THEN HE FLEW IT HOME. He flew home via the power of duct tape and his own mad genius. That is awesome, so long as I do not have to be IN the duct tape plane. I don't think I'd handle that well. I dislike regular planes. WIthout duct tape.

Fandom
* Russell T. Davies and Joss Whedon, the two men who most consistently break my heart via television, are merged into a glorious collaboration of credits:

AND NO ONE DIES, SIRS. YOU SEE HOW NICE IT IS WHEN YOU DON'T DESTROY EVERYTHING GOOD AND PURE? ....I'm sorry. I watched the series finale of Dollhouse. And I just purchased Torchwood: Children of the Earth. These men are NOT on my good side.

Food!Fail
* I love junk food. I do. I think White Castle is the height of fast food, and if it's unhealthy, I will probably be first in line to eat it.
Hand over the french fries, and most of you will live.

But I do not delude myself into thinking fast food is healthy. Of course it's not healthy. That's the POINT. It's like when I went to a baseball game and they listed the calories for every food item. NO ONE on the planet thinks that a deep fried cheese-filled pretzel is good for you. But it is delicious.

Which brings me to Taco Bell. Taco Bell is good, NOT good for you. Taco Bell is delicious and delightful, and I would NEVER in a million years imagine it as being healthful. SO DO NOT TRY, OK?

WHAT? NO. LET MY FAST FOOD BE UNHEALTHY. IF I WANT HEALTHY, I'LL GO ORDER A FREAKING BAKED POTATO AT WENDY'S.
Click here to see a longer commercial, with full-commentary by the ISS. I'm going to go deep fry some butter.

Technology
* I have a slogan for the good folks at iPad: "For that heavy flow.... of information, use an iPad!" (Please don't send Steve Jobs to turn off my computer, I need it).
And the mockery continues, indefinitely:

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

How can you NOT? Here's a name: iTab, It makes me think of the soda, but at least I don't immediately think of women's feminine products.

Politics
* I really, really like Jenny Sandford, soon-to-be-ex-wife of Mark 'I Cry When I Get Caught Being A Complete Shithead' Sandford. His wife is a smart, classy woman. She did not stand beside her husband while he spouted a torrential flow of bullshit, and CRIED (I'm sorry, but it cracks me up. You are lying to EVERYONE, and leaving your state, which needs you due to economic FREE-FALL, and you go off to bang your girlfriend, you get caught, and you cry? Dude. At least have the balls to man up.). Jenny Sandford focused instead on her sons', and her own well-being, and refused to be party to her husband's pity parade.

I do not agree with her on many issues (or any, I think), but she is a very smart lady with morals and ethics and a sense of self, and I would be delighted if more women like her joined the political arena. At this point, with the parties so divided and everyone freaking out at the opposite side, I think it would be a nice change to really respect the person you're debating.

PS Her husband is the Nite Owl of American politics. He cries naked in his Basement of Shame.

Daily Hot Guy

[Tom Felton from the Harry Potter series, looking every bit the smug, condescending bastard from high school that you hated so much you totally wanted to make out with him... or was that just me? Smug, condescending bastards are sexy, in an angry way. Admit it.]

Dollhouse
* Look, I'm upset about Dollhouse getting cancelled, too, but this is hardly the time to- Oh, forget it:

[Found at Emails From Crazy People]
Priorities? Anyone? No?

Daily Icon

[Patti Smith, punk rock poet, lover of Robert Mapplethorpe, singer supreme, writer, political activist, and one of my biggest heroes. If Ms. Smith saw what had become of CBGBs, she'd rain down eternal hellfire and damnation on everyone involved. Plus she totally covered a Bruce Springsteen song, and lived in Jersey for a time. SO JERSEY WINS HA.]

Nostalgia!Win
* Remember My So-Called Life? Back before I hated Claire Danes, and back when everyone wanted to lose their virginity to Jordan Catalano? Great show. Anyway, then Claire Danes made me hate her through excessive suck, and Jared Leto stopped bathing, which is something only CERTAIN people can pull off. But lo, a change has come:

[Found at World of Wonder]
His hair may have distinct hints of Twilight sparkle!fail, but you know what? His outfit reminds me of David Bowie, so I am going to pretend Jared Leto is going to play David Bowie in a movie. That's right, I'm starting an internet rumor. Spread the word.

Movie!Fail
* Dear Matt Dillion:

NO.
Love, LV
PS You rocked in To Die For!

Want
* SHELVES FROM THE FUTURE:

[Found at Like Cool]
Well, not from the future, but techno-cool, yes? I'd like them. I shall line them with books by Stephen Hawking (who is, in fact, god). TRUTH.

OK, it's Sunday, it's cold.... yeah. I got nothing.
- LV

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Shut Your Noise Tube, Taco Human!

Blog
* What exactly IS a... you know what? I don't want to know. Title is from Invader Zim.

Epic!Fail
* I'm sorry, but it takes cojones grandes to fry chicken after breaking and entering. He's sort of my hero. My jailed hero.

An eastern Pennsylvania man was charged after he allegedly broke into a home, cut his hair and prepared fried chicken before being discovered.

Awesome
* This possibly made my whole week:

[Found at Best Week Ever]
See? It's all a conspiracy. AND AND did you notice it has the October release date at the bottom? WHO RUNS PARAMOUNT? I'm sorry, I'll be quiet now.

Social Networking
* Do you have 200, 300, 400 friends on Facebook? Well, start culling the herd.

But Robin Dunbar, professor of Evolutionary Anthropology at Oxford University, has revealed that human brains are only capable of managing a scant 150 friendships; a number that hasn't changed throughout history, despite our modern fascination with Twitter, blogging and Facebook.

LIES. I remember everyone on my Facebook! Especially.... what? Yeah, this is probably accurate. But Professor Dunbar needs to remember that a large percentage of people who are your friends on Facebook are really 'people I knew in middle school and hated, but they added me and I don't care enough to not add them back.'

Fandom

[Found at Unique Daily]

Daily Hot Guy

[Ian Somerhalder, who is on that show Vampire Diaries and it looks terrible and I will NOT watch it, even though he seems to be evil and snarky and gorgeous.... and pretty.... and mean.... DAMMIT, CW.]

Words of Win

see more Political Pictures

Moment of Win
* HOLY CRAP, NO.

see more Epic Fails

OK, have work early today. Also, Human Target is on tonight. Just like saying that....
- LV

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