I Reattached A Girl's Leg. Her Whole Leg. She Named Her Hamster After Me.

Blog

* Hamsters smell, Simon. She thought you were repulsive. Title is from Firefly.

* Theresa is back, and Deadpool is back! This is good, as it is Monday, and we all need more Deadpool, and anyway I may have repetitive stress something or other from rolling skeins of yarn yesterday.

* Erin drew this in honor of our Halloween of Win:

[Drawn by Erin]

Rain cannot defeat the Yip Yip aliens. Nothing can. FOOLS.

* Miss Banshee does not kill cats. That is a vicious lie. I support her, and offer my advice on beta fish so that she does not get accused of this cruelty again.

WTF, INTERNET?
* LOOK, it is MONDAY, and my rats tried to kill each other last night, and I was up late MacGuyver-ing a new cage, and my hand hurts, and THIS IS THE SCARIEST THING EVER:

[Found at Nerd Approved]

I will try to explain this calmly. This is a stress ball. When you squeeze it to reduce stress, it laughs. THIS IS THE PENNYWISE OF STRESS BALLS. AND LOOK AT HIS HAIR. IT'S FUCKING RIDICULOUS. AND HIS TINY TONGUE. AND HE LAUGHS, making you MORE stressed, MOCKING your stress, and then you snap like a fragile twig, and the next thing you know you're running naked through the office laughing like the stress ball.

I'm going to buy these for people I dislike.

Music
* Mayor Bloomberg of New York City likes Lady Gaga. This is sort of very amusing to me. Maybe Lady Gaga can write a city anthem. It would have pretty young men writhing in the background, and a seriously great beat, and she'd wear no pants. I support this.

Technology
* Big Ben has a Twitter. Yes, the clock in London. Yes, a Twitter:

[Found at Neatorama]

That's all it does. It bongs. This may be the greatest account in all of Twitterdom.

Art
* This is a handy chart to determine what type of artist you are:

[Found at Das Cabinet des Ruthven]

I'm a Microsoft Painter. And my stick figures are worse than that. My stick figures are banned in several countries as potential war crimes.

Comics
* Here are five comics you aren't reading, but should be. And Locke and Key by Joe Hill is on there OHSNAP I TOLD YOU IT WAS GOOD. I feel so vindicated. Because it IS that good, and if you're smart you'll listen to me on all matters. Now send me your money.

Tattoo Of Win

[Found at LOLTATZ]

Daily Hot Guy(s)

[Zachary Quinto and Chris Pine from Star Trek, making Mondays a safer place for ALL of us.]

Words Of Win

[Found at Passive Aggressive Notes]

This makes me so happy. T-REX HUNGRY.

V

* Another episode of V will be on tomorrow, and hopefully Alan 'Alpha Wash' Tudyk will destroy everyone, and Morena Baccarin will give me makeup tips, and Scott Wolf will reenact the scene from Go where he freaks out over the veggie burgers. Um, if you missed the pilot, read this.

Life Lessons

[Found at Indexed]

I think I should be allowed to go back to sleep. Yes?

- LV

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Hi There. I Just Met You & I Love You.

Blog
* This is why animals are AWESOME. Title is from Up.

Art
* It is Hump Day, and I am exhausted and possibly getting sick, and fucking Chris Christie won the election last night, and I cannot DEAL with things like this. I mean, the following is a model of the artist's head, MADE OUT OF HIS OWN BLOOD:

[Found at Geekologie]
I can't do this. It's weird and gross, and can you imagine the poor person who innocently opens the freezer looking for ice cream? AND THE GUY DOES IT REPEATEDLY. For art reasons. I don't care. Blood belongs inside the body. Except zombies.

Comics
* Warren Ellis and Alan Moore. Either the best or worst combination in history. Because they will destroy us ALL, with a combination of facial hair and obscenities. TRUTH.

Words Of Win

[Found at Unique Daily]

Life Lessons

[Found at Indexed]

Food!Fail
* SERIOUSLY, IT IS STILL WEDNESDAY. AND NOW I AM PICTURING SERVING THIS BESIDE THE BLOOD HEAD:

[Found at This Is Why You're Fat]
IT'S A MEAT BABY, MADE OF MEAT, WEARING A BACON DIAPER. I AM WAY TOO FUCKING TIRED TO DEAL WITH THIS SHIT. Look at its mouth. IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S SCREAMING.

Daily Hot Guy

[Patrick Wilson. I feel much better now. He'll hold me and reassure me, and tell me what it was REALLY like to be in Watchmen, and then he'll make me more coffee, because the stuff I'm drinking just ain't cutting it.]

Politics
A Collection Of Short Letters:
* Dear Michael Steele: Next time you go on TV, maybe have someone quiz you on possible questions, and vet the answers, so you don't end up comparing yourself to a COW, which is delicious but not an especially dignified animal, or one you want to give authority to. Love, LV. PS Don't call yourself a cow:


* Dear Chris Christie: I really, really dislike you and everything you stand for, and I am APPALLED that you won the election last night, and I still sort of think you eat babies. But you're my governor, until I get the money to leave this country and run off with Gareth David-Lloyd, and until that glorious day, please try to keep busy with non female-related things, OK? Sincerely, LV

* Dear John Corzine: You aren't great, either, but I hated you less than Christie, except you LOST TO A BABY EATER. You have shamed everyone. I shun thee. HOW DID YOU LOSE? Disgustedly, LV.

* Dear Wonkette: I love you with the intensity of a thousand burning suns:

SARAH PALIN’S MOST INSPIRATIONAL FACEBOOK PROSE YET: It puts a tear or zero in our eyes on this, this historic election day that no one cares about: “Please take time today to exercise the right that so many people fought to secure for us. In considering these east coast races, it occurred to me that Susan B. Anthony, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, and so many of the women who fought to give future generations the right to vote hailed from these states.” In other words, as her hero Susan B. Anthony once said, “Vote with your vag, ladies.” Today, this means voting for an asexual robot male in Virginia, Glenn Beck’s male wingnut bitch in New York, and the fattest male goblin alive in New Jersey.

Be Mine, LV

V
* Did you watch V last night? I did, and I was pleased, and Alan Tudyk, AKA Alpha Wash was in it, and Scott Wolf still looks like he's twelve, and was very good, and Morena Baccarin is hot and I sort of want to be that beautiful and tall, and it was enough like the original that I wasn't enraged, although I do find the son annoying as FUCK, and keep hoping that Alpha Wash will shoot the bitch DOWN. Or that Captain Hammer will appear, because I like surrealism in my television.

Zombies
* I see this shit, I am TAKING IT DOWN. You do NOT play around with zombies. They are the Undead Menace, people.


I think I should get to stay home and have fun, because I am sleepy. And still get paid. Can this happen? Hello? STOP LAUGHING.
- LV

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Alan Moore Doesn't Read Books. He Stares Them Down Until He Gets The Information He Wants.

Life
* I have the hangover of death. Vanilla flavored vodka is the devil's elixir.

Books
* I lust for this. I lust after this pillow thing that lets you read books without holding them. And you make it yourself. So no money is spent, which I support ALWAYS.

Star Trek
* Here's an article on how Star Trek made you a better person when you were a young sprat. As if anyone doubted this fact. Were it not for Star Trek, I would be far more judgmental than I already am.

Journalism
* In college and high school, I adored Maureen Dowd. I thought she was the shit: witty, clever, informed, etc. I have since revised my opinion of her considerably, in no small part because I read more journalists with actual skills (also her book about men and women irritated me beyond words). So I laughed at her plagiarized article, and I laugh at her in general. She has Pulitzers and money and fame. I have a blog. I'm allowed to laugh at her. Plus, if you've ever read her work, it's pretty clear she didn't write the piece. Dowd FAIL.

V
* V gets its own section even though it isn't out yet because it SHALL be awesome, for a thousand reasons, and I will love it. These are ordained things. Do not question them. Anyway, here is the trailer. I think it's supremely awesome, except for a palpable lack of Alan Tudyk, which fills me with alarm. Still, SO AWESOME. LOOK AT THE SPACESHIP. I want an I Heart V shirt:


Twitter
* Tina Fey is on Twitter. You should follow her, because I want her to be my best friend.

Cars
* As stupid as the first Transformers was, and as stupid as the next will be, you can't argue that the souped-up Bumblebee is a sexy, sexy car.

[Found at Jalopnik]
And they're MAKING it, for people to BUY. I cannot afford it, ever, because it is expensive and far too perfect for me. But YOU should buy it, and give me rides EVERYWHERE.

TeeVee
* I am happy Chuck is not getting cancelled, because it is funny and clever and sweet, and really deserves to live on. But I am not thrilled about the almost overwhelming presence of Subway that has been there already, and will become so freaking prevalent that soon the show will be called, 'Subway's Chuck!' And I will be sad. The things we do to keep our shows alive.

Daily Hot Guy

[Hugh Laurie, AKA House, AKA Prince George, AKA That Guy's British?, AKA Bertie Wooster, being almost obscenely sexy with a motorcycle]

Geek Want
* This could also qualify as girly want. IT CROSSES ALL BOUNDARIES. LOOK AT IT. THIS IS HI-TECH STAR TREK SHIT:

[Found at DVICE]
It's an MP3 player and it's super-thin AND it's mirror-finished, making it super-sexy and cool as all hell, and WHY is it not mine, I ask you?

Netflix
* And you though Netflix couldn't get any more wonderful. UNGRATEFUL FOOLS. BOW BEFORE YOU MOVIE-DELIVERING GOD, WHO HAS IMPROVED ITS RECOMMENDATION SYSTEM EVEN MORE, BEYOND YOUR WILDEST FANTASIES. BOW, PEONS. Um, that was scary.

Technology
* I... I don't know. I just don't know anymore:

[Found at WorldOfWonder]
This requires explanation. It is a program online where you can hit real people with dodgeballs. It's British. I don't know if that ads anything, but... I can't even... DUDE. IS THIS THE BEST THING EVER, OR THE BEGINNING OF THE END OF THE HUMAN RACE? I CANNOT DECIDE.

Hangovers FAIL.
- LV

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Alan Moore Cannot Predict The Future. The Future Just Better Fucking Do What Alan Moore Says.

Life
* Do not want to be awake. Want to be asleep. I have a surprise near-week off from work, which is confusing. I will spend it studying, and probably NOTHING ELSE (except seeing a few friends who I miss terribly, due to the exile of LSAT). It's very nice out. I want to go sleep in the sun. Coffee no longer works for me. This is when people experiment with hard drugs, or snort plutonium.

Books
* I am not a fan of ebooks. I do not like them, I do not want anything to do with them. I'll stick to my old-fashioned ones made out of trees and ink, thank you very much. Wired, which I love and would be friends with were it a person, not a magazine, has an article on why ebooks are ugly. To be honest, their ugliness and simplicity is the ONLY thing I like about ebooks. I can pretend I'm on Star Trek. What? Of course, this will probably end the same way my iPod hatred ended: me uploading all my CDs to my hard drive, and worshipping at the altar of Apple and actually panicking when I can't find said iPod. And I AM selling a lot of my books on Amazon. OH GOD, IT'S STARTED ALREADY.

Cars
* This car costs $14,123,533.07, if I used the money converter application I found correctly:

[Found at Wired]
Forgive me, but it's not that sexy a car. I mean, if I'm going to pay over fourteen million dollars for a fucking car, that car better make bars of pure gold. I'd better have howling orgasms whenever I sit in the damn thing. The windshield wipers need to spray champagne, and the seats need to be made of unicorn skin, and Zachary Quinto and Hunter Thompson AND Russell Brand need to be sitting in the backseat. Even then, it's a little pricy.

Transformers
* No, not the movie (although yesterday on Twitter I did confess to wanting Michael Bay to direct my life, solely for the explosions and production values). This is a USB drive, and may be the most fun anyone will ever have with a USB drive, which generally speaking do not make for a giddy time:

[Found at NerdApproved]
I totally desire this. My USB is a big clunky scratched-up bastard that looks like a hunk of grey plastic. It transforms into NOTHING. NOTHING AT ALL. Plus, how much fun would it be to stroll into some big, important meeting, whip out your Transformers cat, go 'GRRRRR ARGH' at the boss, and then plug it in to show them your brilliant business plan? This is why I am not allowed into important meetings.

Technology
* Why the hell is everything on the internet about toilets?

[Found at DVICE]
So, did anyone watch American Idol last night? I did not. I have never watched an episode, in large part because A) I find the whole thing to be enormously depressing, and B) Quentin Tarantino has appeared on the show more than once, and this destroys my faith in the universe. My brother and his friend did watch it last night, and at one point I heard not only KISS on the show, but also Rod Stewart, which very well may be reasons C and D on why I will never watch it. But the dude everyone thought would win didn't win. Hurm. Oh, this toilet closes automatically, without you having to waste time pushing down the lid. Anyone excited about Terminator: Salvation coming out tomorrow?

Star Trek
* I cannot decide who I would like to play Khan in the Star Trek sequel. In my internal sequel, Russell Brand plays a swarthy alien lothario who rules over a planet of sexified aliens. I would kind of love Jackie Earle Haley to play him (you KNOW he could pull it off, if he were younger). It's hard for me to decide. I'm biased, as always, towards the guys I like. Looking at the picture, I feel like a bulked-up Christian Bale or Edward Norton could do it. Or maybe I'm just trying to create the most pervtastic sequel possible. Alan Tudyk should be in it. Or NATHON FILLION. Can you imagine the Browncoats screams of delight? I'm not sure we'd all survive. My point? Uh, I didn't really have one, aside from the fact that Khan has a good chance of being in the sequel.

Journalism
* Anderson Cooper apologized for making a tea-bagging joke. We're all disappointed, Silver Fox. The tea-baggers are insane idiots, and we need to mock them, constantly, because otherwise tea-bagging will spread. And not the naked kind you joked about. The Lipton kind.

V
* No, this is not the TV series based on the comic/movie V For Vendetta (not that that was my initial thought or anything, and not that I actually clapped my hands in excitement), but the re-imagining of the science fiction TV show from the eighties. Who cares, though Alan Tudyk is going to be on TV all the time!

[Found at io9]
It is worrying that he's not in many of the production stills, but in ANOTHER interview he said that the first episode has a Firefly link. And Jackie Earle Haley will be on TV. Man, I need to do a TV round-up. 2009-2010 is shaping up to be a season of AWESOME.

Daily Hot Guy
* In honor of his epic performance as Alpha, and his upcoming stint on V, and because he's Wash, motherfuckers:

[Alan Tudyk, making geeky sexy, and really working the purple tie]

More later. SO MUCH TV GOODNESS. I haz excitement, etc.
- LV

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