Blog * That's the spirit, Dean! Title is from Supernatural.
Girly Shit * As if it wasn't vaguely shameful enough to shop at Urban Outfitters (look, they have some seriously cute clothing, but there is a STIGMA to shopping there, and this isn't HELPING: [Found at Jezebel] The shirt color is Obama/Black? There is no joke I could make here more hideous than that fact.
Comics * I've been reading The Boys since day 1, when I MET Garth Ennis and Darick Robertson at the release of the comic, and they were EVERYTHING I imagined and hoped they'd be, and a HAMSTER gets raped to death in this series, and that's one of the nicer things. SO GO READ THE DAMN COMIC.
Blog * You do have a habit of saying the 'pansy stuff,' Sam. Truth hurts. Title is from Supernatural.
Girly Shit * This was not the first thing I needed to see Monday morning: [Found at Shoe Lust] I... it's too early. Do I want this shoe? Do I hate this shoe? Are parts of this shoe edible? It's too damn early.
Music * I have had this song stuck in my head for two days now, and I don't even LIKE Beyonce:
It's starting to drive me insane. Or, more insane.
Movie!Fail * They're making a Scream 4. I need to know why. Scream 3 sucked so bad it physically hurt. Scream 2 was a fun, stupid sequel, and Scream made me terrified of plate glass windows and phones. Scream 4 will no doubt destroy society, cause California to sink into the ocean, and mark the End Times.
And don't even get me started on An American Werewolf in London redux, because I WILL BREAK THE INTERNET WITH MY ANGER. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS? DO NOT REMAKE THIS MOVIE.
Donkey: You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "Hell no, I don't like no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious. Shrek: No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Ogres are like onions! End of story. Bye-bye. See ya later.
Specifically, is is a cheesecake parfait, but there aren't any funny quotes about that.
Daily Hot Guy [Chris Barrie, AKA Rimmer from Red Dwarf, very muddy and on the left, shown here in Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, which is either very funny, or very sad, but I will always love him for yelling, 'SMEGHEAD' and kicking Death in the nuts. How could I not?]
Blog * I want false teeth! Not to wear. Just to throw them at people. Title is from Mr. Show.
Awesome * I could watch this Supernatural clip for years. YEARS, I tell you. Also, I love Dean. Miss Bushido, you are a TREASURE.
Movie!Win * I will always love Ethan Hawke SOLELY because Before Sunrise and Before Sunset are such perfect movies. So the idea of a third movie makes me jump up and down with excitement. They are the best movies ever, and they make me cry so hard, and if they don't affect you, you are a ROBOT. TRUTH.
Animals * Oh, come ON. HAVE WE REALLY COME DOWN TO THIS AS A CULTURE? [Found at Incredible Things] We don't like looking at dogs' buttholes, so we cover them with these things? WHAT IS GOING ON? I DO NOT ENDORSE THIS IDIOCY. DOGS HAVE BUTTHOLES. DEAL WITH IT.
Daily Hot Guy [David Boreanaz, who I never as attracted too, because he has a five-head, but he's charming and funny, and Angel was an excellent show, and Bones is damn fine. Requested by SheepTerror, who knows all the hot boys.]
WTF, INTERNET? * These are rings. With human teeth in them: [Found at Like Cool] Real human teeth. Oh, and human hair. But it's OK, it's DONATED. AND CLEANED. So you can wear a stranger's clean teeth on your fingers. WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT THIS? IT'S NOT EVEN PRETTY. IT SCARES ME. IT'S LIKE FINGER DENTATA.
Girly Shit * I used to love Gossip Girl, before it became a hot mess. And I still want Blair Waldorf's wardrobe. But not Leighton Meester's wardrobe. Ever again. She is not a hot mess. She is just a mess: [Found at Go Fug Yourself] LOOK AT THOSE PANTS. They are disgusting. And that top? YOU ARE NOT LADY GAGA. GO BACK TO WALDORF HEADBANDS, OK? FOR THE SAKE OF THE WORLD.
Music * I freaking love this video, and this song, and I miss Glee, and screw you all, Bon Jovi ROCKS.
People I Love * Is this a sign I should get my third tattoo, and it should be Hunter S. Thompson related? Or just a sign that my friends and family know me well enough to send me things like this:
[Found at SloshPot] I think it's the former, but I really would like another tattoo.
[David Tennant, because I watched The End of Time last night, and I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT, OK?! (Russell T. Davis can't write, and that scene at the bar was UNACCEPTABLE, and David Tennant is a much better actor than the material he is given). Bye, Ten.]
Girly Shit * This is a very ugly shoe: [Found at Shoe Lust] Not much I can add, really.
It has come to my attention that the music industry now wants royalties for those 30-second clips of music you hear in iTunes. That, I think you’ll agree, is bullshit. Seeing as how we’re a solution-oriented blog here at CrunchGear, I want to offer a completely fool-proof way to save the music industry and put an end to the years and years of nonsense we’ve seen since Napster was first released: let’s ban music. That’s right, let’s pass a law that says “the creation or performance of music, in any form, is hereby banned. Any violation of this law will be punishable by death.” Problem solved, let’s all play Hungry Hungry Hippos.
Is there some way we can make CrunchGear in charge of all music decisions? FOREVER? I'd vote for them.
As you will find out, Torchwood is explosions and fucking. This makes it the best damn show ever.
And
Ianto Jones- Has sex with Jack and makes tea. He also shot Owen.
And
Captain Jack Harkness- Has fucked everybody ever. Also he can't die. This is probably important.
The whole thing is brilliant and hilarious and ACCURATE, and I may be getting ready to watch Children of the Earth again.
People I Love * So I really do adore Eli Roth, despite (or because of) his inherent douchery. He seems like a fun, sexy asshole. We need more of those. And I loved Cabin Fever, even though the Hostel movies make me angry and sad and very uncomfortable, because frankly I don't LIKE watching people get tortured to death. Anyway, this explains a lot:
Horror movie director Eli Roth has revealed that he once worked as a sex chat room operator, posing as a woman.
It all makes sense now.
TeeVee * I miss The X-Files (in particular Fox Mulder, who I had a truly unhinged love for, his addiction to porn notwithstanding, and his sunflower seeds, and.... what were we talking about?) and each week I was almost invariably scared out of my shit, and would spend the rest of the week sobbing myself to sleep because multi-fingered blind kids were going to walk up my street and die, or eat each other, or something.
Awesome * Bananas are good. Now you can save bananas with this clip, and I know it's a goddamn clip, but for some reason I find it to be unvbelievably clever, and I want one. [Found at Boing Boing] Really, this amazes me. It's SO SIMPLE AND BRILLIANT. Now I want a banana. And a sonic screwdriver.
Movie!Win I am going to see Kick-Ass, and I refuse to apologize for this, because it looks fun and entertaining and cool people shoot shit, and I am EASILY PLEASED BY SUCH THINGS. Also the trailer is awesome:
Found by ThatRevChap, who has secret internet powers, so be nice to him or he'll destroy us all. He totally could. He's English.
Daily Hot Guy [Seth Green, who could fit in most people's pocket, but not mine, because I am tiny, so we are a perfect match. He's hot. Leave me alone.]
Wow * Do these remind anyone else of Monty Python? [Found at Unique Daily] Please tell me I'm not alone in this. I'm scared. WTF, JAPAN?
Fourth but not least, I can't imagine Michael Bay not casting Fox in TF3. He's such a hack that he'd never let anything like that get in the way of making a jillion-dollar movie. He's never cared about anything like that before. If suddenly Michael Bay's "dignity" is such that he can't work with Megan Fox, after selling out HARDER THAN ANYONE ELSE EVER HAS IN THE HISTORY OF EVER AND NEVER MORE PROMINENTLY THAN IN TRANSFORMERS WITH ITS RACIST GMC CARS AND LG PHONES AND PEANUTS AND COUNTLESS OTHER BULLSHIT I WILL KILL HIM. I WILL KILL MICHAEL BAY FOR HIS HYPOCRISY AND I WILL WEAR HIS SKIN.
Although a Michael Bay wardrobe would be funny, right?
WTF, INTERNET? * And it's a rare NSFW WTF, INTERNET. It's a thing for people who want to enjoy alone-time happiness, called a vibrator. Only unlike most others out there, this one is made from recycled materials, and you have to hand-crank it for 4 minutes to make it work for 30. Now, CARPAL TUNNEL SYNDROME DOES NOT MAKE FOR SEXY TIMES. And by the time you're done cranking that freaking thing (and how does one FEEL, I wonder, cranking a vibrator?) you're so tired and frustrated and out of sorts that you just want to go to sleep and be left alone, and WHO IS INVENTING THIS CRAP, AND HOW DO WE GET THEM TO STOP?
Girly Shit * As someone who loves Lady Gaga, I have a high threshold for strange fashion choices (I also have bright red hair, but that's another story). But even I find this dress worn by Rihanna repulsive and uncomfortable, and do not want it to catch on, OK? [Found at World Of Wonder] THERE IS SO MUCH WRONG WITH THIS DRESS. IT LOOKS COLD AND ITCHY AND HAS STRANGE OPENINGS, AND THE PATTERN IS FREAKISH, and I really do like her hair, but THAT IS IRRELEVANT WHEN FACED WITH THIS DRESS. WHO SUGGESTED THIS OUTFIT? IT'S THE SAME PERSON WHO GIVES US HAND-CRANKED SEX TOYS, ISN'T IT?
Pictures from stuff I bought will appear later, because I am promoting the shit out of nice people I know who sell things. AND I GOT MAKEUP AND CUTE SHIRTS. YAY ME. - LV
Food!Win * I am going to make these for Danceswithelvis, because A) she deserves them because she is epic win, and B) I want to make cupcakes with POLAR BEARS on them: [Found at Bakerella] Plus they've got soda in them, and you know how I feel about soda (hint: PURE LOVE).
Girly!Shit * Reader Kuhlchikk sent me this link, which almost made me glad I bite my nails, because at least they are not DEFORMED: Bubble nails? REALLY? Puffy nails? I forbid the existence of these things. They will NOT become popular in 2010. DO YOU HEAR ME?
Whut? * This is a pencil. Plated with pure gold: [Found at LikeCool] WHY DOES THIS EXIST? WHO WOULD DO THIS? IS IT ART? IS IT A COMMENTARY ON OUR SOCIETY? OR IS IT JUST A STUPID, STUPID WASTE OF TIME AND MONEY? WHY DOES THE UNIVERSE ALLOW THIS THING INTO BEING? More to the point, DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH STUFF I COULD BUY WITH THAT FREAKING PENCIL? I need more coffee.
Fandom * Look, I am really trying to be nice to the Twilight people. It's a New Years' resolution, yeah? I am going to be mature, and make fun of them WITH the rest of the fandom universe. I'm growing as a human being.
But then I see shit like this, and how can I NOT comment? [Found at Etsy] A life-sized Edward Cullen sticker is watching you sleep. How is this not creepy? There is no one I want watching me sleep, especially by BREAKING INTO MY ROOM WITHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE AND THEN DICTATING HOW I LIVE MY LIFE BECAUSE AS A WOMAN I CAN'T MAKE DECISIONS FOR MYSELF, OR BUCKLE MY OWN SEATBELT.
Sorry, sorry. I'll go work on my New Years' Resolution, you go burn this giant scary sticker, OK?
Stark Trek * Star Trek plus Pulp's "Common People" plus cartoony goodness plus Monday without work equals:
Well, the work bit may only apply to me, but still, STAR TREK AND PULP.
Art * I went to this:
You be hating, yes? I got to see the reindeer topiary from Edward Scissorhands, and Pierce Brosnan's head from Mars Attacks! And the knives from Sweeney Todd, and the costume from Edward Scissorhands, and the scarecrow from Sleepy Hollow and the models from A Nightmare Before Christmas, AND THE ANGORA SWEATER FROM ED WOOD, WHICH SHOULD HAVE WON ALL THE OSCARS EVER.
I'm OK now.
Daily Hot Guy [And now I am REALLY OK. John Barrowman, AKA Captain Jack Harkness from Doctor Who and Torchwood. Even though I am VERY ANGRY with Captain Jack due to the third season of Torchwood, but he is still a very, very sexy man. Can't deny that.]
WTF, INTERNET? * Dude, did you hear? You can get your ashes put in a sculpture of a person's head. No, listen: You could get your ashes put in your OWN HEAD, or your ex-husband's head (that would freak him out), or your kids' head (teach the little shit to forget your birthday), or the PRESIDENT'S HEAD: [Found at Wonkette] I want to have my ashes put in the head of John Adams. Or William Shatner. I don't need to explain myself to you.
Music * This song won't stop playing in my head, and I have no problem with that AT ALL:
This is a badass song, and I CHALLENGE you to argue that.
There are no shrines erected here, no memorials to the four dead teenagers. No one wants to romanticize what happened. In fact, no one even uses the "S" word, instead referring to "the incidents," or "the misuse of the tracks." The volunteers fear saying anything that could encourage another copycat.
WHAT THE FUCK. These kids committed suicided. This should not be a taboo word. They committed suicide. The word does NOT make people go, 'Gee, I totally want to do that!.'
These kids are suicides. They are not 'incidents,' or 'misuses of the tracks.' How dare you undermine what these kids were suffering, and how desperate and hopeless they must have felt to do such a thing. HOW DARE YOU. And calling it an 'incident' won't stop other depressed, desperate kids from doing this.
These kids were depressed and scared and in so much pain that jumping front of a TRAIN seemed a better alternative to living. You could call it 'happy fun time.' It doesn't matter. Fuck your little watch crew. The next depressed teen won't jump in front of a train. They'll find another way, if they're that determined.
Maybe just talk to these kids? Get them counseling? Find out WHY they feel so hopeless, and solve the problem? No. No, standing out in the cold on the train tracks is a much better solution to having a conversation with your kid. Because that might mean admitting you failed on some level, or need to make an effort and change your parenting, and GOD FORBID you might have to do that.
I just don't understand the logic here. If a kid overdoses on a prescription, or cuts their wrists, are they going to follow teenagers into the bathroom? Because that could get all SORTS of awkward.
Books * I had some more coffee and have calmed down. I would like this chair: [Found at Incredible Things] It can hold 300 books! That's like, 1/3 of my collection, maybe!
Doctor Who * I have not seen the "End Of Times" Doctor Who episode, SO DO NOT SPOIL IT, but Bossmew sent me this, and it in no way surprises me: GOD DAMN YOU, RUSSELL T. DAVIES. WHY MUST YOU KILL MY HAPPY? STOP TRYING TO BE JOSS WHEDON. JOSS WHEDON HAS ENOUGH TROUBLE WITH THAT.
People I Love * Once upon a time, a dude was selling hot dogs in New Orleans (much like A Confederacy of Dunces, which is one of my favorite books ever, and HAVE YOU READ IT?). Some other dude tried to rob him, with a knife. Well, Hot Dog Dude used to be a Marine, and he FUCKING PWNS that sorry-ass robber, WHILE WEARING the hot dog-seller uniform. Look at this BAMF: [Found at Nola] He is my hero. Let's all buy a hot dog from him, and discuss A Confederacy of Dunces.
You know, if you all go follow my blog on Twitter, I may have a New Years' surprise for you all. Or I may be lying. But if you don't follow me, YOU'LL NEVER KNOW, and it will haunt you all your days, the end. - LV
Blog * Oh, Fry. I don't know whether to judge you or hug you. Title is from Futurama.
* Sullen Skrewt is another one of those artists that I love because they're so talented, but I also sort of hate because they're so talented. I mean, LOOK AT THIS:
Joker abstract by *sullen-skrewt on deviantART I LOVE this. Then again, Joker art needs to exist everywhere I am. I think my love outweighs the hate here, because she makes art of SUPREME WIN. When I'm rich, I will buy much of it. For my castle. In England. Shut up.
Daily Buy * This warrants SUPER CAPSLOCKS. [Found at Alter Ego Comics] WHY DO I NOT OWN THIS DOC HOLLIDAY FIGURE? WHY IS IT NOT MINE? DOC FUCKING HOLLIDAY IS EASILY ONE OF THE TOP THREE MOST BAMF IN HISTORY, AND I LOVE HIM, AND NOW I NEED TO RENT TOMBSTONE.
Oh, and you can remove the pistol rounds, although I don't know WHY you'd want to do that. I just want to keep him safe from disease and loneliness. So, someone loan me $250, OK?
Holiday!Fail * Well, if you need me, I'll be in the corner canceling Christmas: [Found at Santa, No!]
Girly Shit * I kind of stopped liking Salma Hayek after a while, because she got boring and stopped being made of epic win. But she looks fabulous in this Campari ad, and I think we all need to admit that: [Found at Letters From The End Consumer] Also her breasts have super-powers, and if she felt like it she could use them to rule the world. TRUTH. PS, Salma, you were totally awesome in From Dusk 'Till Dawn, even if you did make Quentin Tarantino sad.
Dollhouse * So when they announced the cancellation of Dollhouse, I didn't say much, nor was I that surprised, because: A) It's FOX and Joss Whedon, and these things happen B) Firefly got canceled, and Firefly was better than Dollhouse C) Dollhouse only got renewed (in my opinion), because of the shit storm that followed the cancellation of Firefly D) Dollhouse may have some of the best episodes Joss Whedon has ever filmed, but it's also his most uneven show yet. E) While I have seen everything Joss Whedon has done, I am not a blind Whedonite. I thought Angel was better than Buffy, I am TIRED of his strong female lead, and I think Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog was his best work yet because he wasn't TRYING, he was just having fun. F) I don't think Eliza Dushku is particularly fantastic, but what's worse, I dislike both Echo AND Caroline.
Don't get me wrong, I loved Dollhouse. Well, parts of it. I love Topher and Whiskey and of COURSE, I worship Alpha Wash. Yeah, I was sad, but I wasn't surprised, and I don't think it was ENTIRELY unjustified (except that Omega One may be one of the best hours on TV ever).
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