Showing posts with label rainn wilson. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rainn wilson. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

The Yelling Will Cease & The Killing Will Commence!

Blog
* Why can't we have both, simultaneously? Title is from Third Rock From The Sun.

* This has nothing to do with anything, but the very first Louis Vuitton fragrance is named 'Elle Vee.' Do I get any money from this? Maybe a promo? How about a free sample? I AM WILLING TO COMPROMISE, MR. VUITTON.

Awesome
* This guy in Phoenix was the victim of an attempted robbery. The attacker had a baseball bat. Luckily, he fought off the would-be robber, WITH A FREAKING SWORD:

I'm ignoring the part of the story where it appears that the sword-wielder managed to cut himself during the fight, because that's not QUITE the sort of awesome we're talking about.

Movie!Win
* I did not like Gladiator, and I refuse to apologize, and King Oblivion of the International Society of Supervillians has MANY thoughts on the movie as well, in COMIC form.

I like his version better.

Wow
* Children shouldn't play with dead things. Neither should comic creators, because they take dead flies, and play with them, and make things like this:

[Found at Neatorama]
They're definitely sort of cute, and very clever, but the girl in me can't stop thinking, 'EW, dead files.' I dislike bugs, alive or dead. And I don't like the idea of someone arranging dead flies. It bothers me.

Animals
* File this under 'maybe I posted this before but I can't remember and it makes me deeply happy, and DUCKIES, and it's Wednesday and they are ducks climbing an escalator, so shut up, because you can never get tired of that:

Unless you're a bad person. Are you a bad person?

Star Trek
* Um.

I don't want Eminem to find out about this guy taking his songs and rapping in Klingon. He'd be angry and confused, and then he'd be violent, and I don't want to know who would win in a fight between Eminem and Klingon, OK?

I don't think I can talk about this. It's sort of genius, and must have taken a long time to do right, but.... it's in Klingon. Could someone explain the connection between Eminem and Worf? Because I'm confused, and a little bit upset. It's jarring.

AND the dude is German, which adds another layer to the Language Sandwich we are constructing.

Daily Hot Guy

[Rainn Wilson, AKA Dwight from The Office, US version. The rest of you like John Krasinski, who is indeed easy on the eyes, but I prefer the weird mastery of Dwight Schrute, than you very much. Plus, I'd be rich in beets, STRIKE OUT JIM.]

FlashForward
* I am behind on this show, but I will catch up, because it is like Lost in the sense that if you miss an episode, it is GAME OVER, man. and you will never be caught up, and I LIKE almost everyone in the show, and I forgot how pretty Gabrielle Union is, and I LOVE her and John Cho, because they are the cutest couple. So. Here's a pre-game from last week, because we need NOTES, and I hope you're all writing this down, because there WILL be a test.

Girly Shit
* I can't even say if I like these shoes, because I am something of a whore for buckles, and red, so I am helpless before these heels:

{Found at Shoe Lust]
I think.... I am liking them. They are red and have heels, and shiny buckles, and would look cute with jeans. I'm so glad we cleared this up.

WTF, INTERNET?
* Warning: If you think I overuse capslocks normally, you may want to skip this.
WHAT. THE FUCK. I know I show some truly ridiculous shit in this category, but this product has the distinction of being both ridiculous AND offensive, and I hate everyone involved with the production. EVERYONE. DO YOU HEAR ME?

There is nothing worse than not being a virgin, if you're a woman. NOTHING. Because sex is EVIL. EVIL. BURN THE UNCLEAN. So if you, in a moment of weakness, HAVE sex, you are doomed, DOOMED.

But now, thanks to SCIENCE, you can relive the awkward and discomfort of your first experience EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU HAVE SEX. Yes, now there is a product - which you BUY, with MONEY - that you INSERT, and you can pretend to be a virgin again. IT EVEN BLEEDS A LIQUID. I AM NOT MAKING THIS SHIT UP:

[Found at Geekologie]
THIS IS INSANE. NO, REALLY. IT'S NOT OK ON ANY LEVEL.
I like to think I'm pretty relaxed about sexual proclivities. Whatever you do in private, with consenting adults, is totally your business. Well done, have at it.
BUT BUT: If you A) are with a guy who will react so badly to you not being a virgin that you buy a PRODUCT THAT SPEWS OUT A LIQUID TO FAKE YOUR VIRGINITY, or B) are with a guy who can only enjoy sex if you BUY A PRODUCT THAT YOU JAM IN YOUR UNMENTIONABLES TO SIMULATE VIRGINITY, you have problems. MAJOR problems.
THIS IS GROSS. IT IS GROSS, AND IT IS LYING, AND IT CANNOT BE SAFE OR HEALTHY TO DO SHIT LIKE THIS. AND WHY ARE GIRLS MAKING THEMSELVES PRETEND VIRGINS? WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL?
VIRGINITY IS NOT GOOD OR BAD. IT IS NOT SOME TO ASPIRE TO OR REVILE. IT JUST IS. IF YOU WANT TO WAIT, GREAT (hah, that rhymed). IF YOU DON'T, GREAT. DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY.

BUT ANYONE WHO IS SO OBSESSED WITH VIRGINITY THAT THEY WILL SPEND THIRTY BUCKS ON A KIT TO PRETEND TO BE A VIRGIN, GET HELP, OK? IT'S THIRTY BUCKS. AND THERE IS NO WAY THAT THIS IS GOOD FOR YOU. AND WHAT IF THE FAKE HYMEN POPS OUT, AND YOU TRAUMATIZE SOME POOR GUY? THERE IS SO MUCH THAT COULD GO WRONG.


AND IT HAS FAKE BLOOD. HAPPY HALLOWEEN, I NEED TO GO HUG A STUFFED ANIMAL AND LISTEN TO SOOTHING MUSIC.

Music

What? This qualifies as soothing music. It's all Larissa's fault, for having brilliant music taste, and then sharing it, and generally being the musical goddess of the universe. So blame her for this win.

Technology
* I still don't have any fucking clue what Google Wave is, but I don't care anymore, because Samuel L. Jackson makes things better, except when he wears purple velvet pants, which are just upsetting:

Don't you feel better now?

Art
* WATERMELON ART:

[Found at Like Cool]
It's pretty, and then you eat it, except I don't like watermelon, so you can eat it, but it's still pretty, yes?

You can laugh all you want, but I like Maury, and I will continue to like it. Just needed to say that.
- LV

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Did You Vote? Can You Read? Have You Got Thumbs?

Blog
* Title is from Transmetropolitan.

* I am sick, so I make no guarantees that this entry will make ANY sense at all. Yet I forge ahead. Like... a forge. A SOLDIER forge. I want sushi. Anyway.

Teevee
* Huzzah for Glee tonight!

* And people thought I was weird for buying pet rats. Least it's not a monkey. A MONKEY I TREAT LIKE A CHILD. This is a TV show about people who raise a monkey. It's their baby. WHAT is going on at TLC? And there's more than one of these? And they dress up the monkey?

I am way too under the weather to begin to dissect the levels of FUCKED-UPEDNESS here. Doesn't TLC stand for The Learning Channel? Because I want to learn NOTHING that this show might teach me.

Geek Want
* In Clue: The Office Edition, you have to figure out who killed Toby.

[Found at Nerd Approved]
It was Dwight. With a chicken. In the break room. It's always Dwight. I love Dwight.

Awesome
* I am drinking so much Mountain Dew (for strange and incomprehensible reasons, I genuinely believe that this will heal me) that my skin now has a fetching yellow-green glow to it. In other news, this wall makes me weep with joy:
fail-owned-soda-display-win
see more Fail Blog
I want to climb in that wall and live there forever.

Movie!Win
* I AM PSYCHIC. Sort of. I said that Paul Giamatti should play King Henry in The Other Boleyn Girl, or some historical-type movie. Now he's going to play King John in Ironclad. I consider this to be close enough to psychic, and will accept money for my predictions. Also, Paul Giamatti kicks ass. Just needed to reiterate that obvious fact.

Wow
* OH MY GOD:

[Found at Freaking News]
OH MY GOD. Mouths for eyes? WHO THINKS OF THESE THINGS? I HAVE A FEVER. I CAN'T HANDLE THIS. OH MY GOD.

Animals
* It's OK, everyone. Forget that last category. STOP LOOKING AT IT. OK. Good. Behold, a bunny that walks on its hind legs:

It's all going to be OK.

Daily Hot Guy

[Rainn Wilson. I like Rainn Wilson. He was the only part of Transformers 2 that didn't make me want to kill myself and everyone else in the room. I mean, JOHN TUTURRO, WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING? Plus he's freaky tall. You know what? I'm really sick, and I'm still blogging, so shut up.]

Girly Shit
* Yesterday while shopping with friends for dresses to wear to a wedding, semi-delirious and sick, I maybe offered to trade loved ones for a pair of Louboutin shoes:

[Found at Shoe Lust]
They refused. So I coughed on them, thus infecting them with Swine Flu and destroying society as we know it. I'm kidding. But I would have. Those are hot shoes. And they would go very well with my new dress. Yes, I am breathtakingly shallow, what of it?

Moment Of Win
fail owned pwned pictures
see more Fail Blog

OK, I can't do anymore. I have to go to work. Happy Hump Day. Glee will get us through this day.
- LV

Friday, August 14, 2009

If It's A Severed Head, I'm Going To Be Very Upset.

Blog
* I think it depends entirely on WHOSE head it is. Title is from Wayne's World.

Freakangels Friday
* And lo, the light shines upon us mere mortals, because there is a new week of FREAKANGELS, and Warren Ellis must never leave us without reading material, which he totally would, the sick bastard. I love his brain. And the world of FREAKANGELS, although I'd definitely be dead, so maybe not. Spoilers for this week's issue under my signature at the bottom. WILL KARL LIVE?


Doctor Who
* Remember when I showed that picture of all the Doctors, and said that the only thing that could make it better was Ianto serving coffee? I was wrong:
Image and video hosting by TinyPic
Oh. My. God. I'll be in my animated bunk. Ianto Jones with a goddamn GUN? And the Ninth Doctor? Thank you, KaishaBackwards, for this glorious image. Mine eyes are blessed, and my brain is aflutter with filth.

Comics
* Who is going to Dragon*Con? WHO? Because I NEED TO GO. I DO. I have decided this, and the universe wants me to go, and who are you to argue with destiny? I will trade you Nine Inch Nail tickets, probably, because I can't go. Most likely. Or you could just give me tickets, because I need them in my life, for CRAP'S SAKE. I MISSED the SAN DIEGO COMIC-CON. I am a BAD fangirl.

* I went to the comic store yesterday. This never ends well, because I lack any sort of self-control, at all. I bought:
* Locke & Key: Welcome To Lovecraft - Joe Hill & Gabriel Rodriguez
* Ignition City #1 - Warren Ellis & Gianluca Pagliarani
* Y The Last Man: Volume 1: Unmanned - Brian K. Vaughan, Pia Guerra, & Jose Marizan, Jr.
* Fables: Volume 1: Legends In Exlie - Bill Willmingham, Lan Medina, Steve Leialoha, & Craig Hamilton

Because I'm writing comics (well, trying, so this is technically a work expense, right? And I can get that taken out of my taxes, yeah? And buy more comics? Also they did not have the new Warren Ellis Frankenstein comic, but I couldn't remember the name so I didn't check when it came out. Mr. Ellis is disappointed, and I will be force-fed mind-altering drugs until I learn my lesson, whatever that may be.

People I Love
* Bruce Campbell, high god of all, and he from whom all good and justice flows, talks about Evil Dead 4, and my organs dance with ecstasy.

GATW/ENVY TV Comic-Con Exclusive: Bruce Campbell talks EVIL DEAD 4 from Gordon and the Whale on Vimeo.


Now that Burn Notice has ended for the season, where will I get my weekly dose of badassery, win, and chin?
This was sent to me by BossMew, who understands the complex innerworkings of Bruce Campbell in a way few ever will. But she won't tell me, because I'm not ready for such knowledge.

Daily Hot Guy

[Rainn Wilson, AKA Dwight from the American Office. Which is really great, and I am the last person on Earth to realize this. Incidentally, my friend Esse told me last night that I have a thing for men with big foreheads. Gareth David-Lloyd, Jackie Earle Haley, Hunter S. Thompson, Hugh Laurie.... I like a man with a big cranium. What that says about me, I'd rather not go into. Also, Esse actually referred to their heads as something far more obscene, but I am a lady and will not repeat such FILTH]

Stuff To Live
* These are utterly moronic, and yet I want them, just to say I have them. What am I babbling about? Leather band-aids:

[Found at Geekologie]
These have no reason to exist. None at all. Leather band-aids in no way improve upon regular plastic band-aids, and they are $18 for a three-pack, which is INSANE. And yet I want them, because how sexy and bad-ass would my mosquito bite scabs suddenly become if they were covered with leather? Answer: VERY.
Plus they'd offend my father the vegan, which is inevitably amusing.

Movie!Fail
* I do not care the Boondock Saints II All Saints' Day is the greatest movie in the history of our time, and causes 10,000 orgasms upon watching, and brings about world peace (which obviously it can't, without Jackie Earle Haley), and is genius.
It doesn't have Willem Dafoe.
Ergo, I want no part in it. Movie FAIL.

Zombies
* AMC IS MAKING A SERIES BASED ON THE WALKING DEAD COMIC. PREPARE YOURSELVES FOR PURE, UNADULTERATED AWESOME. And Frank Darabont, of The Shawshank Redemption, is going to have a huge hand in it, and that is GLORIOUS. There is no bad here. None at all. I love AMC now. AMC FTW. I like typing that.

TeeVee
* Morgan Spurlock, who can live, I guess, and doesn't annoy me entirely, but annoys me enough that I try not to include him in my life, is directing the Simpsons 20th Anniversary Special. As always when something I like joins with something I dislike, I feel conflicted. Does he have any animation experience? Not animating it himself, but using it as a medium. I would have no idea what to do if told to direct a cartoon. I'd probably demand they draw the cast of Gargoyles, then giggle idiotically. I doubt HE'LL do that, but who knows? Then again, it's The Simpsons, and like pizza, even when it's bad, it's still pretty good.

Journalism
song chart memes
see more Funny Graphs

Geek Want
* I loved The Hangover. So much. Great movie. So this shirt makes me laugh, and I'd like one, please:

[Found at NerdApproved]
It's what my life is missing. Although this may be a funnier shirt for a guy to wear. On a girl, it might just make people uncomfortable. In a bad way. New idea: Bradley Cooper IN this shirt. Much better plan. See to it.

Politics
* Basically no one in the GOP will say that Obama is an American citizen, because if it turned out to be false, THAT would be super-embarrassing. Unlike everything else going on in politics right now.

But they won't say he ISN'T either. Stop flip-flopping like a waffle house, dammit. Pick a side. Be honest. I'll respect that. Not much, but still. You'll feel better.

* The only thing I love more than Pat Buchanan (or Uncle Pat, as I would not dare to call him) is when Rachel Maddow drives him to screaming hysteria, and there is much yelling, but then someone gets him cocoa and a hot water bottle, and he tells Rachel about walking to school in the snow with no shoes on, and the world is good again.

* I didn't make this, someone else did, and it's funny. And Alaska is lovely, and I hope to go there one day. Just not the part with Mrs. Palin shooting wolves:
sarah palin
see more Political Pictures

* This is funny, because it's wrong. The headline was all about ANOTHER Republican sending racist Emails, and aren't they all awful, blah blah blah. My opinion, of course, is that they are more dumb than anything, because anyone who doesn't realize that the internet keeps no secrets has never been on Facebook.
Anyway, the article from NY Magazine was all, 'Haha, those racist sons of bitches, the GOP is awful! We made a slide-show because they are so awful!' which is boring and doesn't warrant any attention, and is also counter-productive to a political dialogue (says the girl who just posted something snarky about Sarah Palin, HYPOCRISY STATION).
Then it turns out the guy is a Democrat, and I laugh and laugh, because everyone is awful, regardless of political party, and while that's not Change We Can Believe In, it's consistent, and consistency is important in these turbulent times. So everyone sucks, learn to use the internet, the end.

Awesome
* This is all Danceswithelvis' fault:

Can no one stop her reign of terror? Wonderful, fishy terror?

WTF, INTERNET?
* I have no problem admitting I don't get Star Wars. It's fine, I have enough fandoms, and people love it, and I'm sorry that the prequels have been so vile, and that the animated movie made me want to stab out my eyes with toothpicks. I mean you no harm.
As I was saying before memories of Clone Wars made me cry, I am not an expert on Star Wars. But, and correct me if I'm wrong, I don't BELIEVE that Darth Vader was a snuggly sort of dude:

[Found at LikeCool]
Just.... It looks like Darth Vader shrunk, and is trying to choke you to death for his height. Which would be incredibly funny to witness, but not what your backpack should say about you. The ad says it's stylish. I... No. No it is not. NOT AT ALL. Style will never involve tiny people choking you from behind.
PLUS it's three feet tall. I'm only five foot. If this thing came to life in the dead of night, like Child's Play, there'd be no clear-cut winner. I don't NEED THAT.

TwiHate

* It's true, and that's what makes it funny.

Movie!Win
* 9 looks like a great movie, and I will overcome my slight fear of dolls to see it. What? Child's Play is NOT a movie you let a six-year old see. PARENTING FAIL.
This movie features the voice talent of Crispin Glover, who terrifies me in a sexy, disturbing way that I'd rather not discuss in depth, because I have yet to fully understand it. And it's got Tim Burton somewhere in there, and I have yet to grow tired of his weird.

Done now. Much to do. You are intrigued yes? FASCINATED? Sorry, coffee attack. I have much writing to do today. MUCH. And T-Shirts macros to finish. Comments on this weeks' FREAKANGELS below my signature.
- LV

SPOILERS FOR THIS WEEKS' FREAKANGELS
* Ooh, is Mark around? Kait is a crazy fucking bitch. Violence WIN. Karl lived, by simple benefit of not being in the comic. Make Warren Ellis write longer comics. For me?