Ghosts Are Actually Caused By Alan Moore Killing People Faster Than Death Can Process Them.

Freakangels Friday
* HUZZAH AGAIN! Or rather, BOO. It's a skip week. Which, as the site so succinctly puts it, means no chikkinz. WHAT'S THE POINT OF FRIDAY WITH OUT FREAKANGELS? Warren Ellis is a cruel overlord. We were negligent in our human sacrifices, and he has punished us as he sees fit. We will learn. On the upside, another week without the Imminent Death Of My Favorite Character, so I guess that's something. PLUS, my Freakangels bag shipped yesterday, so soon I will have physical proof of its awesome.

Terminator: Salvation
* Since the movie came out today, and I am leaving shortly to go see it, it gets its own section. Just for today, however.

* First off, the movie apparently sucks according to critics, but people still like it anyway. I love the first two Terminators, and hated the third because it sucked. In this one, I expect steampunk clothes, explosions, robots, and Christian Bale being a badass. Plot would be nice, but really, the first Terminator didn't make a hell of a lot of sense, either.

* Cracked gives us a hilarious and disturbing picture of life in CyberDyne, via Emails. Naked Austrian men frighten everyone. Especially naked Austrian women.

* This has nothing at all to do with the movie, but it's the touching and heartfelt tale of McG challenging Michael Bay to a penis-measuring contest. My only sorrow is that they never whipped it out, with rulers, on the Universal steps.

TeeVee
* Flash Forward, ABC's new weird show that comes out in fall, is on my tentative viewing schedule for fall. Mainly because the plot is so bizarre, and because Seth MacFarlane is one of my shameful, secret crushes because he's got that amazing voice, and he's in the pilot.

I will no doubt fall in love with this show of MacFarlane's baritone is a regular occurrence. Don't judge me.

Sequel Fail
* Fucking... I THOUGHT WE TALKED ABOUT THIS. I THOUGHT WE ALL SAT DOWN AS A SPECIES AND AGREED THAT GHOSTBUSTERS 3 WOULD BE THE EQUIVALENT OF GENOCIDE. I CLEARLY REMEMBER EVERYONE AGREEING NOT TO SPEAK OF THIS IDEA ANYMORE. AND ELIZA DUSHKU IS NOT ALLOWED TO BE IN THIS MOVIE. SHE HAS TO FOCUS ON DOLLHOUSE NOT SUCKING AND MAKING IT TO A THIRD SEASON. SHE HAS ENOUGH PRESSURE.

Fashion
* Cloris Leachman has her own clothing line:

[Found at WorldOfWonder]
Yeah, that's pretty much what I expected when I heard this news. The clothes smell like alcohol, cheap sex, and Vicodin.

Inglourious Basterds
Lalala, I do not hear the bad reviews of IB (I am tired of typing out the name). I will love it as I love all Tarantino movies, except Four Rooms, which was just bizarre and unpleasant. Here are clips from IB, and LALALALA IT IS THE BEST MOVIE EVER.

Daily Hot Guy
* This is the first DHG that isn't on my personal crush list, but after getting multiple requests for some attention on LJ, I have decided to post a picture of him:

[Anton Yelchin, AKA Charlie Bartlett, AKA Pavel Chekhov, AKA Kyle Reese In The Newest Terminator (meaning he's Zach From Heroes' dad, creating ANOTHER Star Trek/Heroes connection, HUZZAH!) AKA Oh CRAP This Guy Is Three Years Younger Than Me I Am Officially Depressed, AKA, Do You Have Zachary Quinto's Phone Number By Any Chance?]

Geek Want
* Anyone remember that Alec Baldwin movie The Shadow?

I saw this movie, unwisely, when I was eight. It scared the everloving shit out of me. Alec Baldwin scared me, that floating knife with the freaking TEETH scared me, The Shadow himself scared me, Ian McKellan scared me (incidentally, what THE HELL was Ian McKellen doing in this movie? Or Peter Boyle? He did not scare me. He only scared me in Monster's Ball, which scared me for many reasons, including Naked Billy Bob Thornton). I still have nightmares about this movie from time to time. Alongside Child's Play, Killer Klowns From Outer Space, and It, The Shadow ranks as one of the most terrifying experiences of my childhood.
All that aside, I seriously sort of want to own the action figures:

[Found at ToplessRobot]
Just to say I owned them. Just because. I mean, The Shadow action figures? That's so weird it's not even geeky. It's beyond geeky. There are more terrible and confusing action figures on this list, including ones from Little Nicky and Waterworld and Battlefield Earth, but I don't want those. Unless that have one of Quentin Tarantino as the blind priest. I'd buy that.
- LV

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Alan Moore's Tears Cure Cancer. Too Bad He Has Never Cried.

TwiHate
* Hello. My name is Elle, and I'm here today to talk to you about Twilight contact lenses. Prove your fandom is eternal, and make someone fall in love with your penetrating yellow eyes!

These are the golden eyes of Edward, bastion of all perfection in male. You can have YOUR boyfriend wear them, and pretend he is someone else! Don't have a boyfriend? No problem! Put on the contacts, and stare at yourself in the mirror and pretend you are not terribly, terribly alone. Like Edward. Edward would understand your unique pain.

Have a bad streak? Then try out these contacts, and you can pretend to be James, one of the Vampires Who Fails To Be Edward. He is evil, because he eats people and tries to BREAK UP BELLA AND EDWARD YOU CAN'T STOP THEIR LOVE. But if you like some danger in your life, pick up these red contacts, which will in no way hinder your social or professional life! Twilight forever!

Relationships
* Valentine's Day sucks. We can all agree on that, yes? But may we just need some honesty in our commercial displays of affection:

[Found at Cracked]
Then again, maybe not.

Fashion
* When I showed this picture to my friend Arre, her first response was, 'That dude is so gay":

[Found at GoFugYourself]
This is very funny for a lot of reasons.

Comics
* Oh, Sherlock Holmes in comic form, you join all my loves together, and I cannot wait to make you mine, as you so desperately need to be. And you are easy on the eyes:

[Found at Newsarama]
Leah Moore is writing it (I WANT HER LIFE), and Aaron Douglas' art is kind of perfect. And I think it's out tomorrow. TO THE COMIC SHOP: AWAY!

Bad Life Choices
* Barack Obama or Tim Roth? Fox went with the latter, because English accents and snark always beat out real political figures, no matter how badass they may be. Or maybe they just HATE Barack Obama, which is why they have decided to air "Lie To Me" instead of the President's address. File this under Bad Life Choices.

Depression Session
* This is a funny/terrifying analysis of how America is changing to deal with the economy, and why we're all screwed, and how we're adapting. Also how nobody is moving, and college is pointless, and you should sell all your fancy shit online before nobody is out there to buy it. Why so serious?

Girly Shit
* This is some lipstick I want, because it is pretty:

[Found at MakeupAndBeautyBlog]
Also because all MY makeup is so old that is has become a uniform green color, and while I love the Swamp Thing comics, I have no desire to emulate his aesthetic sensibilities.
We now return to our regularly scheduled programming.

Tattoos
* A great article on tattoo regret, how to avoid it, and such other pressing issues. By these standards, both my tattoos are WIN. As if you ever had any doubt.

Tattoo Of Win
* Speaking of tattoo regrets, this is a tattoo no one should ever regret, because WTF?

[Found at LolTatz]
This picture appears on the internet a lot, but it's worth showing again. There is a LOT going on here. Not only is it Patrick Swayze, and not only is he a freaking CENTAUR (and who hasn't dreamt of him putting Baby in the corner and then having Baby muck out his stall and clean his hooves?) Plus the purple rainclouds and the rainbows. And how could we forget the sleeveless tuxedo? Clearly, this Centaur-Swayze is ready to party AND fuck people up. Well played, random tattooed person.

Books
* Oh, fucking hell. Orson Scott Card is supporting those NOM lunatics with the ridiculous ads who basically don't want anyone to have any rights, unless they are white and straight and Republican? WHY?! Mr. Card, you wrote Ender's Game. You are an integral part of my childhood. So why the fucktard? Explain, please. This whole thing makes me so sad. Because while you are entitled to your opinion on this matter, even if it goes against my own beliefs, alining yourself with a bunch of hysterical shit-kickers makes me want to seriously discuss your mental health.

* This is Russell Brand's website. According to it, he is working on Booky Wook 2. I am all tingly. Also, you should follow him on Twitter, because the daily dose of funny/sexy/sunny/fexy/FIERCE HAIR will keep you strong during tough times.

Food
* Why does it always have to be bacon? I eat bacon every morning, and I love it and it is delicious, and bacon on a sandwich raises it to orgasmic levels, but why does every food post involve bacon? Why aren't there other foods that inspire such devotion? And who looks at bacon and thinks, 'Strawberry-flavored gummis'?:

[Found at Geekologie]
Bacon: A mysterious and delicious invention.

Words Of Win

[Found at JustWhatever]

Zombies
* Swine flu? Or just a clever cover-up for the ZOMBIFICATION of our world?!

see more pwn and owned pictures
THE WRITING IS ON THE WALL. ARM YOURSELVES. IT'S ALREADY HERE.

The Crazy
* I love actress Bai Ling, because she is NUTS. She's not pretending to be insane, she is, and yet she is allowed to wander around among normal people, and sometimes SPEAK to them, and wear outfits that frighten and confuse those of us without her intellect. Here is an interview with her. Did you know she's going to win an Oscar? ALL THE OSCARS? And then she will grind them up and sprinkle them in her hair and wrap herself in the Red Carpet and wear it to the Grammy's. Also, a little spirit inside her is crazy and demands that she wear Band Aids of Truth. I COULD NOT MAKE THIS SHIT UP.

Politics
* In case you doubted that Bill O'Reilly is completely and utterly full of shit, read this. Does Bill not understand how history works? Or cameras? OR REALITY? WHY IS THIS MORNING SO CONFUSING AND SHOUTY?!

Movies
* Oh, Michael Cera, you are all that is cute and awkward, and if I had dated someone like in high school instead of the guys I actually dated, I would be a happier person today. So I will go see your new movie, which is a quasi-documentary about Love, and I will continue to support you. But if you in ANY way prevent Arrested Development from reincarnating itself as the Best Movie Ever, I will yell about you constantly online, and sharpen weapons. And cry. And sue you for making me cry. Neither of us need such complications. You are so delightfully awkward!

[Found at SlashFilm]
Shit, how much younger than me ARE you?

WTF, INTERNET?
* This is not new, but it is real, and people have purchased it. This handy flowchart explains how, if you do not reserve a spot in heaven, you will obviously end up in hell:

[Found at StrangeNewProducts]
THIS IS REAL. And there are different classes of heaven-bound people. And... oh, my god. I have to directly quote these people:

Discounts
We can offer group discounts on parties larger than 10. If you would like to make a reservation for a larger party then Contact Us and we will work with you to make sure you are taken care of.

This exclusive package contains all necessary materials to get you into Heaven and experience all of the elite areas that are normally off-limits to normal citizens. If you want the entire Heaven experience then this is your package.
Heavenly issued certificate of reservation registered in the Book of Light™
A First class ticket to Heaven. Why walk those stairs when you can fly?
The Official Heaven Identification Card (laminated) so you can get around without getting hassled.
Heaven 101 mini informational guide. Don’t be a victim of culture shock. Get acquainted with the land..
All access VIP pass (laminated). This pass will grant you access to “VIP exclusive areas” including the Land of Milk and Honey and Thug Mansion, where all the elite get together and kick it.

I think it's a joke. I hope it's a joke. I REALLY, really do. Because if it is, haha, funny, OK. But come on - there are at least a few people out there who buy into this. And THAT is why our species is doomed to extinction.

Later today will be more Rorschach images. Contain your excitement, IF YOU CAN.
- LVba

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Alan Moore Doesn't Play God. Playing Is For Children.

Life
* I am very happy, because I got to see one of my bestest friends after months of her being away, seeing the world and generally being awesome, but not nearby enough for me to bother her and be entertained. And now she too is stuck in the boring land of Jersey, so hooray! Well, for me, at least.

* I am so proud of my alma mater. No, not really. Just wearily amused. I probably know some of these people.

Random
* I love evil tips for undermining the soft, downy fabric of society.

Movies
* A Green Lantern Trilogy could be awesome, if they get rid of the suckish bits and make sure they get a good cast and writers who actually have read the comics, instead of former writers for Desperate Housewives or some other crap. And Terrence Howard's departure from the Iron Man franchise is still puzzling and depressing, because he was great as Rhodes, and although I adore Don Cheadle and still think he should have won an Oscar for Hotel Rwanda, he just doesn't seem like Rhodes to me. Or Black Lightning would be cool, too. DC really needs to expand the realm of superheroes, because I've never liked Superman (don't hurt me), and there are so many minor heroes that are so much more interesting. Also, Terrence Howard as a superhero is about seven different kinds of cool.

* I am really, really excited about The Brothers Bloom. The trailer looks amazing, the cast is great, and quirky caper films are terribly under appreciated in the world of cinema (I am still loving Matchstick Men and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, which is one of the funniest crime movies ever, and if you haven't seen it your life is a sham. And OK, it's not really a caper movie at all, but I will refer to it whenever I can even loosely tie it to another topic, because it was THAT GOOD and made like no money, and that is CRIMINAL. Val Kilmer should have gotten an Oscar nomination for Gay Perry. Yeah, I said it.) Plus Adrien Brody hasn't done anything in a while, and he is always fun to watch (except in The Pianist which while brilliant, was not what I would consider fun, unless you get your jollies by weeping uncontrollably for hours on end).

* Public Enemies is going to be amazing, because of Johnny Depp and Christian Bale and Michael Mann, and I will not hear ANY NAYSAYING about it. It's Easter weekend. Have some charity. And watch the trailer over and over and...

* Sam Rockwell + Duncan Jones + The Weirdest Promo Pictures = A New Discovery Of Awesome. And the trailer is sick. Good sick. And bizarre and fabulous. I am so into this movie, there are no words. And Sam Rockwell owes me, after the trauma of Choke, which was bad forever.

Food
* This will make you throw up. Like, a lot. And then never want to reproduce, ever. This could be used as birth control that even uber-religious people would approve of. 'If you have sex, you will get pregnant and have a baby, and then you will EAT parts of the stuff that came out of you in a panini with a side of french fries.' The population will decrease, TRUST ME. And be slender, too.

Fashion
* Gywneth Paltrow sucks. And her clothes suck. And she's so full of shit she must stink when she walks down the street. And she loves herself more than any other person ever could. Her website is very funny, but I kind of doubt she intended it to be so entertaining. I still love The Royal Tenenbaums, though. And want her hair in that movie.

Music
* This alternate history of Kurt Cobain's life is, in some ways, more depressing than what actually happened. Something I always considered impossible, as the terrible suicide of a talented and disturbed person is always depressing. But this comic somehow showed that living is not always better than suicide, which is a pleasant concept to entertain on this rainy Saturday. And I don't think Dave Grohl appreciated this universe that much, either. Good comic, though.

Books
* This makes me shouty. Meghan McCain should not be writing a book. Because she is not a good writer. I have read her articles, and her blog entries, and she is simply not gifted in the way of words. That's fine; she's blonde, and very rich, and people seem to like her, and her father has power when he's not affiliating himself with insane screaming hockey moms. She has a lot to enjoy in life, and a lot to be grateful for. So WHY does she feel the need to write a book? And why is she getting paid A LOT OF MONEY to do it? This is all kinds of wrong. SHE CAN'T EVEN WRITE. Am I jealous? Probably, at least over the book deal (I am fine being a brunette whose father isn't nicknamed 'Walnuts'), but more I'm indignant. I'd rather read a book by Bristol Palin, to be honest. At least there would be some crazy shit I could laugh at.

WTF, INTERNET?

[Found at LikeCool]
* This is something that, if I encountered a person wearing it in real life, I would just ignore it. I wouldn't know what to say. I would not know the appropriate response. Do I laugh at the dead man's image? Do I get offended? Do I ask what would inspire a reportedly sane human being to walk around with such neckwear? No. I would just ignore it. It confuses me, although if someone wore it to a wedding I would probably laugh, on the inside, while I talked frantically about the weather.

* Why would you want a mouse that shocks you? And what sort of sick, evil bastard would buy this for someone else? I get it's a gag gift, but it's not funny. It's awful, in fact. I secretly hope people buy this for themselves, bring it to work, get shocked, and freak out and threaten to sue the company for an injury, and make millions. That could be fun.

* This is the freakiest baby tool I have ever seen.

[Found at CrunchGear]
A whole generation will be spawned that considers soft plush hands to be their real parents, and the large meat-sacks to be the cruel nannies that mean nothing to them. Then they'll Twitter about it, and society will collapse because all the next generation will want is to be held by large plush hands.

* This really grosses me out, more than it probably should, but WHO I ask you, WHO looks at a GUN and thinks, 'Golly, wouldn't it be nifty if I could grind up flesh with this thing?' Or, conversely, 'Gee, why can't I shoot things with this meat grinder?'

[Found at LikeCool]
These are questions we are not ready to answer, as a people.

Well, I feel like we've established that the world is a strange, sometimes frightening place. Good to know.
- LV

PS As always, title of blog taken from this site.

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