Monsters Do Not Behave Themselves. That's The Whole Idea!

Blog
* Monsters have ALL the fun. But no quiche. Title is from Bone.

Help For Haiti
Friends who are doing great things by using their stores to help those in Haiti.

* GrrrlShapedYarns is donating all the proceeds from her shop this month to Doctors Without Borders to help out in Haiti. So you get gorgeous yarn, which I want to own ALL of, AND to donate to a good cause. Win win!

* Little Red Bicycle is also donating all proceeds to Doctors Without Borders and the Red Cross to help Haiti. AND you can get patterns. AND they had Bela Lugosi yarn. But it's gone now. No fault of mine.

* YBerry is donating 25% of her proceeds to Doctor Without Borders, and has free shipping, AND you can buy the glorious silk yarn and make pretty things.

WTF, INTERNET?
* So, men and women are very different, biologically (and emotionally, but that's another entry). We appreciate this, and celebrate our differences. But, as a woman, maybe there are a few things I just never really understood/thought about:

[Found at World of Wonder]
This is a deoderant line for men's testicles. Um, is this... is this a big problem for guys? Does this happen often? I must confess, I never thought about this as an issue for men. AND NOW I AM. I AM SITTING HERE, DRINKING COFFEE AND THINKING ABOUT THESE THINGS. It is too early for such musings, and to be honest, men's bits are not my problem.

And because I am SURE someone will say it, yes, I agree that using deoderizing soaps on your unmentionables could lead to some awkward encounters.

I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY, INTERNET. I HOPE YOU'RE PLEASED WITH YOURSELF. GOD DAMN, WHERE'S MY COFFEE?

Girly Want
* I can't imagine a time when I would NOT wear these shoes:

[Found at ShoeLust]
They are lacy and black and sexy, and look at those heels! Work, dates, doctor's appointments - EVERY event in life calls for shoes like these. They make me happy.

Music
* Batgirl as Prince in Purple Rain?

[Found at World Famous Design Junkies]
Sure. Why not? Here are other albums recast with comic characters.

Movie!Fail
* Look, unless Matthew 'Alrightalrightalright' McConaughey is in Dazed & Confused, he is not allowed to act. That is law. Here. Right now. And I absolutely had a crush on Tommy Lee Jones in Lonesome Dove (SHUT UP, so did you, he was a cowboy and he was angsty and had secrets, so shut up, NAYSAYERS), so I do not want him to damage his career by mixing with subpar actors. I mean, did you SEE Man of the House? I did not, which is why I am not in some sort of institution as we speak.

Daily Hot Guy(s)

[Jackie Earle Haley, Patrick Wilson, AND Jeffrey Dean Morgan. WHAT were you saying about Watchmen having no redeeming qualities? Yeah, that's what I thought. MY FANDOM HAS THE HOT ACTORS. AND Jeffrey Dean Morgan spawned the Supernatural boys, which means... GASP! Laurie has two half-brothers who fight demons! So they go and destroy Dr. Manhattan, and Dean and Rorschach fight over pie, and Sam and Daniel cry in the basement- Yeah, I need more coffee, don't I?]

Comics
* Did you hear Robert 'SparklyPants' Pattinson is going to be in the reboot of Spider-Man? (And I don't think reboot is the right term, but screw it, who am I to argue with the INTERNET?) Well, that just about wraps it up for Spidey, in my book (although think about it - how funny would Spider-Man 3 have been if R Patz had been infected by the evil Venom alien stuff? A MISSED COMEDY MOMENT).

Anyway, I don't know if that rumor's true our not. I've heard it is, and I've heard it isn't. And I sort of don't care anymore. It's a good rumor, right? If it's true, we will be witness to the utter destruction of a movie franchise (this has less to do with R Patz being a bad actor - he hasn't really had a chance to prove either way (I will give him a pass on Sparkly!Pants movies, because NOBODY gets out of those untarnished, save for Peter Facinelli, who is idiotically attractive) and more to do with his being miscast beyond human comprehension). If it isn't true, maybe Spider-Man 4 will be good, right? WHO KNOWS? NOTHING MAKES SENSE IN THE CRAZY FUTURE YEAR OF 2010.

Moment Of Win
* Ha! Liars:

see more Epic Fails

Books
* I tend to abuse capslocks, and internet-shout often. But some things upset me and anger me and destroy my faith in humanity so completely, that even capslocks cannot express my disgust with everyone. Behold:

[Found at Topless Robot]
This is a book. Specifically, it is Dante's Inferno, one of my favorite books, and a beautiful piece of literature. It has been made into a video game (which, if it follows the text closely, would be the weirdest/most brain-crunchingly weird experience ever, but I doubt that). The video game's cover is now on the book.
So they took one of the most significant pieces of literature ever (in my opinion), and made it look like 300 2: Everyone Is Going Into The Pit Of Death This Time.

Well, that just about wraps it up for humanity.

I'm going to go soak my head.
- LV

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Truth Or Happiness. Never Both.

Blog
* Mr. Lightman is also available for children's birthday parties. Title is from Lie To Me.

* This image, made by Miss Banshee (feel better!) will get me through today:

[Made by Miss Banshee]
Well, this image, my new boots, arm warmers, and gallons of caffeine.

* And now I want sushi:

[Drawn by Erin]
Dammit, Erin! I don't have sushi! It's morning, and there's no sushi here! No sushi at all!

Stuff To Live
* I like ninjas:

[Found at Nerd Approved]
Because while you're gushing over how cute these ninja salt and pepper shakers are, the REAL ninjas slip in, slash your throat, steal your food, and totally PWN YOUR SORRY ASS.
Ninjas rule.

Fandom
* This is the greatest Firefly/Serenity costume ever wrought by the hand of man:

[Found by Ge Oh]

Movie!Fail
* I'm sorry, but I disagree with this list of the 10 Worst Movies to Open at #1. Because Hancock is not on there, nor is Wild Wild West, both movies that made me want to stab my eyeballs out with a burning hot silver pick. And I just realized that Will Smith is in both those movies, so maybe I should have a word with him too. But I'd put My Big Fat Greek wedding on this list. I don't even think it WAS a number one movie, but I HATE it. AND I WOULD TELL YOU, but it would take too long.

I will agree totally with Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen. Every second was akin to physical torture. And then John Turturro ripped of his pants, and my faith in humanity DIED.

Jackie Earle Haley
* He doesn't know about this Green Lantern rumor:

Which means it's not a lie, it is a possibility. Just saying.

Daily Hot Guy (s)

[David Tennant and Simon Pegg, because
A) They both have super-sexy accents,
B) They combine the awesome powers of Star Trek, Doctor Who, and Shaun of the Dead
C) THEY ARE GOING TO BE IN A MOVIE TOGETHER
D) It's a rainy Saturday and I have a migraine, and that IS a reason.]

TeeVee
* Red Dwarf is on Netflix Instant Watch, thus pulling me back from the brink of madness after a day of miserable working. I love Red Dwarf, and Arnold Rimmer in particular (shut up. No, really.)

That in no way means I like the idea of 'specials,' or that I will watch a special of Red Dwarf. I mean, I lost interest around the time they brought back Lister's girlfriend, played by another actress. And then Rimmer LEFT, and I was sad, predictably.

Point is, I'll just watch the first few seasons again. You guys can watch the special.

Geek Want
* Behold, the power and the glory of Ralph Wiggum when joined with Kid Robot:

[The Worlds Best Ever]
We are speechless before his glory.

Awesome
* SEND ALL THE CLOWNS TO THE MOON. LET THEM SQUEAK THEIR TERRIFYING NOSES ON MARS. WITH THE NAKED BLUE PEOPLE.

I dislike clowns.

Is today over yet?
- LV

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In Mexico, You Know What They Call Twinkies? 'Los Submarinos.'

Blog
* Fuck, man, let's go to Mexico! Title is from Zombieland.

* Miss Banshee has started making motivational posters, which only increases her already dizzying level of win:

Seriously, she should adopt me, and raise me as her own.

* Theresa learns me some comics, this time Astro City. Her brain has powers. AMAZING powers. Honestly, if you want a guide to comics, there's no better place to turn.

* I'll feed the plants. I'll feed them people I dislike!

[Drawn by Erin]
Does that require getting close to them? Because that could be a problem.

* It's all Patience's fault that I like memes. And knitting. I think I can blame her for most of the cool things I like. Also, I owe her a zombie hand turkey. It makes sense to ME.

Glee
* NOOOAAAAGGGGHHHHHH, etc. They are pulling the Glee cast from the Macy's parade. Why would they do that? There's no reason for such CRUELTY. I am devastated now. I mean, the parade has become a pile of suck. It's really not very good anymore. And Glee is pure, unadulterated glory. Seriously, it can do no wrong. Have you SEEN the show? There is life before Glee and after Glee, and after is infinitely better.

Doctor Who
* The only thing maybe better than Jude Law's Hamlet? David Tennant's Hamlet, in large part because A) He is Scottish, and B) He is the goddamn DOCTOR. He will wreck you with his powers. And David Tennant's Hamlet is airing on Christmas Day. Of course, this in no way guarantees that those of us trapped in the U.S. Yet ANOTHER reason I should move to England. Someone buy me a ticket.

Fandom
* As I always say, I am not a Star Wars fan:

[Found at The World's Best Ever]
But I think I could get behind Kitty Wars.

People I Love
* In honor of John Hughe's passing, this dude recreated the entire day from Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Which is the best sick day movie, ever, you know. And there's an itinerary, and I wish I had been there, and I love you, Dude From Chicago, because really, this is a totally epic way to spend a day of your life. You are my hero.

Stuff To Live
* I write this blog in the morning, usually. If it's a good day, I have caffeine coursing through my veins, and can tolerate humanity, to some extent. On bad days, I want to level the city with my cranky. So this is the greatest invention I have ever seen:

[Found at Neatorama]
Of course, this would not be a good invention for anyone around me, unless they were constantly filling the FistiCup with coffee. And then when I finish the coffee, I pound people in the face with it!

I'm joking, obviously. The morning is no time for extreme violence. You need a good solid lunch before you can get your rage on.

Daily Hot Guy

[Jackie Earle Haley as Guererro in Human Target, rocking both the kickasstic glasses and the 'stache.]

Writing
* Could someone loan me $2,000 so I can get tutored by Nalo Hopkinson, a writer I dearly love and admire? She needs money, and I need a mentor, because frankly my writing may be pretty good, but I'd like to reduce the amount of hysterical flailing and procrastinating that occurs during each project. Seriously, someone needs to boss me around with my writing. And Ms. Hopkinson has some health problems, so you'd be doing us both a favor. More me than her - she's already a wonderful, successful author. I just spilled lukewarm coffee on the table.

Movie!Fail
* Oh, Roger Avary. I love you by proxy, because you have been touched by the genius of Quentin Tarantino. Even though you sometimes do awful things that make me sad, like drive drunk, or or make Silent Hill movies. Please don't do these things to me. I am worried enough about Quentin, and what he's wearing, and the life choices he seems to be making, and I don't have time to be concerned about you making a sequel to Silent Hill, which was a terrible, awful movie. And the video game is scary enough. Have you ever played it? It makes me want to cry, and lock myself in a well-lit room with a baseball bat.

By the way, what the hell happened to Quentin Tarantino's Half-Life movie? Did we all forget about that?

TeeVee
* I love Burn Notice. As do all mortals, because Bruce Campbell floats down on a cloud made of Kingliness and drives a sexy car and sometimes pretends to be a crooked cop, which made me cheer, maybe, because it's Bruce Campbell. But we do have to give some credit to the writers, who wrote the character of Sam, thus providing us with Bruce Campbell in Hawaiian shirts. I'm sorry, I was busy hailing to the King, baby.

Anyway, the creator of Burn Notice, Matt Nix, is going to make another TV show, and I think we all need to watch it and support it and make it a huge hit, lest we incur the chinny wrath of Bruce Campbell. How would he know, you ask? Oh, you naive fool. Bruce Campbell knows all. Didn't you SEE Bubba Ho-Tep?

Plus, Mr. Nix's show is going to be on FOX, and I STILL don't trust them. I REMEMBER ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT AND FIREFLY.

Geek Want
* I'm not a big gamer (my gaming career started with Echo: The Dolphin and Sonic: The Hedgehog, and ended with Mortal Kombat: Trilogy, although I did play some of the Grand Theft Auto games because I simply didn't believe there was a game where the goal was to screw hookers), but I do love Assassin's Creed. Oh, I never beat it. I didn't even try. I simply got to a middle level, and set about slaughtering everyone in my path, then sneaking off like a NINJA. It's good stress relief. I don't even know the goal of the game, unless it's to kill EVERYONE in the marketplace, in which case I totally won.
I think that you should get one of these if you beat the game:

[Found at Like Cool]
I'd most likely fall on it, because I am clumsy and not an assassin, but OH MY GOD IT'S AN EXTENDABLE KNIFE THING, and DUDE.

This was a violent blog entry. Let's all hug now:


There. I feel better, don't you?
- LV

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God, Daria. Even Your Imaginary Friends Are Embarrassing.

Blog
* Yes, the Fashion Club comes with ho hint of shame. Title is from Daria, obviously.

* I asked Michelle to draw me a bath:

I know. Now I keep thinking of other things I need in my life. So she can draw them, and fill my life with HAPPY.

* Julian scares me:

[Drawn by Erin]
Keep him the HELL away from my bath.

People I Love
* Seth Green had a Christian Bale-esque freak-out:

The difference? His freak-out, it seems, was a fake. Oh, Mr. Green. I knew you wouldn't negate years of love by being a jerk. I had FAITH in you. Plus no one who has ever met you seems to think you're capable of this sort of behavior.

See? SOME celebrities are decent humans.

Fandom
* First of all, you should be listening to New York Geekcast (when you're not listening to World Peace Through Jackie Earle Haley). Second of all,

They sometimes share videos like this. Star Wars gone green? Imagine the possibilities.

Stuff To Live
* I would like to buy the entire stock of this gum:

[Found at Unique Daily]
So the annoying people chew this, and they don't talk, and the violence level DROPS. BRILLIANT.

Writing
* I love pens. Like, a lot. I write all my fiction by hand, for reasons I don't understand, except that paper does not yet have the internet, so I don't have to worry about being distracted by the wonders of the internet, I suppose. And it's fun to sit there for hours trying to decipher my own handwriting.

I like this pen the best:

[Found at Lifehacker]
This is like the pen of doom. Awesome doom. I could write INSANE stories with that pen. All my non-existent genius would flow through the pen. Someone should buy it for me, for ART. There are more pens here.

Daily Hot Guy

{Fran Kranz, who plays Topher Brink in Dollhouse, and who is A) my favorite character excluding Alpha Wash, B) sad and complicated and not the 'funny guy' like Wash or Xander, SO STOP COMPARING THEM, and C) adorably, adorably cute, and I continue to pretend he and Alpha Wash will get a spin-off show that isn't as UNEVEN as their current venture.]

Movie!Fail
* It may be time for George Lucas to take a nap. Fuck that, it is DEFINITELY time for Mr. Lucas to take a nap. Did you SEE the Star Wars prequels? I did, and my thoughts were, 'Wow, I am so glad I'm not a fan of this franchise, because I might have to kill myself to deal with this agony.' DID YOU SEE STAR WARS: CLONE WARS? Oh, it hurt so badly. So no, I'm not surprised that Indiana Jones 4 had random fucking aliens show up, and ruin the movie.

Because, before that, I LIKED the fourth Indiana Jones. It was silly and stupid, and had monkeys, but I didn't care. Because I grew up scared beyond words of Temple of Doom, and I never got to see an Indiana Jones movie in theaters before, and I am WILLING to lower my standards in the name of nostalgia.

But even I, who was AMUSED by the flying refrigerator, admits that the fifth Indiana Jones will most likely be a super enormous pile of shit. Unless Spielberg and Ford knock out Lucas, and lock him in the closet until the movie is done being made. Even then, the movie will probably end with a group hug. With aliens. Could they just, you know, NOT make this movie?

However, after reading the comments, I am now obsessed with the idea of Nazi Ewoks.

Jackie Earle Haley
* Sci-Fi UK will be getting Human Target. How come you guys don't have to spell it 'SyFy'?

* And if you want to read the comic the show is based on (WHO WOULDN'T?) a trade of Human Target is coming out in January.

* We of WPTJEH have decreed that the second trailer for Shutter Island is far less spoilery than the first. But the changed release date makes us weep bitter tears of disappointment. Ben Kingsley is going to kill you in your sleep. I saw Sexy Beast. I know where it's at.

* This picture is double the hot:

But I only like Jeffrey Dean Morgan when he's John Winchester, OK? And not as much as Mr. Haley. But STILL. I like Supernatural. Don't look at me that way. CAN JACKIE EARLE HALEY BE ON SUPERNATURAL? HE CAN PLAY STICK. OK, OK, I'm done.

TeeVee
* This article on TV shows that should swap writing teams is sad. Because I so badly WANT Heroes to be more twisted than it is (I haven't watched this weeks' episode yet, but I hear rumors I am RIGHT about some of my predictions). And this picture:

Makes me imagine a truly deviant crossover episode where Eric Northman uses Sylar for his own evil plots. Plus, I love that picture of Sylar and Elle (!).

And Joss Whedon should have CUSTODY of Ianto Jones. I HAVE SAID THIS BEFORE. Russell T. Davies can have Dollhouse. Topher and Alpha Wash could hook up (with Whiskey), and Boyd could have an affair with.... I don't know.... Echo. I agree with everything they said about these two shows. Except Ianto needs to get better. EVERYONE ON ANGEL AND BUFFY GOT BETTER. Except the characters I loved. You know what? I can't have this discussion right now. It's making me far too sad. Going to imagine Topher and Alpha Wash's band, 'Alpha and the Dolls.'

Another post, later, because Blogger hates us all. WHY is it only Wednesday? And why did that episode of Supernatural with a clown have to EXIST? CLOWNS ARE SCARY. I was going to post a picture of the clown, to prove how scary it is, but I can't really look at the pictures. CLOWN!FAIL.
- LV

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There's Obeying Going On Right Under My Nose!

Blog
* That.... a confusing visual, Wash. Title is from Firefly.

Jackie Earle Haley
* Here's an article about the A Nightmare On Elm Street documentary, Never Sleep Again. Jackie's not DIRECTLY in it, but you should watch it anyway, because Mr. Haley wants you to understand the history of his work.

* Yet another gif of WIN:

See? Maniac Cop 3 was better than The Zoo Gang. TRUFAX.

* Here's another. Strut your shit, Mr. Haley.


TeeVee
* I may have a girl crush on Morena Baccarin from Firefly and V. Because she's fucking awesome, and V is going to be epic.

[Found at Visitor Site]
She's just cool, and knows all my favorite actors, and is going to be a scary alien. Scary AWESOME.

Geek Want
* I want this, but I will not hit him:

[Found at Geekologie]
It's Wall-E! You don't HIT Wall-E. You hold him and love him and comfort him, and let him play with small objects that fascinate him. You don't beat him to death for sugared snacks. I'll protect this Wall-E pinata with my LIFE, you hear?!

Awesome
* Haha, my school is not on the list of twenty-five douchiest colleges in America. That may be because no one has really heard of my school, and anyway it's nice to just be nominated. But I know enough people from these schools to know this is all fundamentally accurate. We are all douches.

Movie!Win
* You people can naysay all you want, but Green Hornet is going to be awesome, and Seth Rogen is awesome, and Nicolas Cage is no longer involved, and sometimes that is all you need.

Daily Hot Guy

[John Krasinski, AKA Jim from The Office who is a great tall bastard of a man, and has the BEST reaction faces in the history of television, possibly, although I'd still pick Rainn Wilson over him because I have PROBLEMS, but Jim is sort of glorious and sexy, and maybe I will be joining Team Jim. Why does he look so good in a scarf, man? Requested by Kristamaru, who should draw me a picture of Jim. Because.

More later. Promise.
- LV

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Good News Everyone! I've Taught The Toaster To Feel Love!

Blog
* So now it can comprehend the aching void in its life. You've doomed it to eternal loneliness. And now the toast sucks. Title is from Futurama.

* I can't tell you why this monkey's expression makes me so very happy...

[Drawn by Erin]
And honestly I don't care. He is all grinning with his headphones!

* I agree with everything Megan said about District 9. AND her answer to 'What Does Edward Cullen Smell Like?' made me snerk coffee. AND AND she likes the Lostprophets, who are still kind of awesome, although my favorite song remains 'Last Train Home' because I have a weakness for angry broken-heart emo-type songs.

People I Love
* Oh, Tobias Funke, I mean, David Cross. Who I also love. This is the best bio ever written. Hands down:

[Found at dlisted]
I'd hit it. It's David freaking Cross. Just saying.
I'll give you a minute to utter your favorite Tobias line.

* Speaking of Arrested Development alumni, this both feeds into my love of making small children cry AND WIll Arnett's erotic baritone voice:

Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret has never been so disturbing. Now I want him to read Good Night, Moon.

Jersey!Fail
* One of the Real Housewives of New Jersey is selling clothing that makes my eyeballs vomit and my sense of style commit suicide:

[Found at Jezebel]
I chose this shirt because it's what her husband said when she asked about getting fake breasts. This makes me despise my own state. Give me a minute, I need to blast some Springsteen and remind myself that not EVERYTHING from this place is awful. THIS WOMAN DOES NOT REPRESENT ME.

Fandom
* I try to be pretty open about the inherent weirdness in fandom. It's part of being a fanboy/girl. And most of it is well-intentioned and fun, even the bits that make me raise my eyebrows. I have no problem with 99.9% of what occurs in the fandoms of the universe.

However, make no mistakes about it. NO one should be accepting of a fanfiction about a dude getting raped by a velociraptor, and enjoying it.

You know, I LIKED the first Jurassic Park. I ENJOYED it. I did NOT need the visual of a dude getting humped by a giant raptor to HAUNT MY DREAMS.

Luckily, the hero website Topless Robot provides commentary to keep you from tumbling over into the mouth of madness:

Yes. That just happened. The phrase "purple shotgun" was used to describe a penis for the first time in history. You witnessed it. Congratulations.

There's also a description of a dinosaur's unmentionables. AND A WORD FOR IT.

And here's my favorite quote from an older one, and ALL THE REASON IN THE WORLD to hate the internet:

Do any TR readers actually have sex on Fridays? Because shit like this just wrecks me. How do you not have Buster the teddiursa screaming "MOOOOOOOMY" in your head the entire time?

Stuff To Live
* I really just want to buy this for Patrick Bateman:

[Found at Nerd Approved]
A knife mirror? He'd find it darling. He could hack you to death AND make sure his hair was in place. I don't need one. I check my makeup in a REAL knife.

Iron Man
* Iron man, iron man, does whatever an iron can... I'm sorry, Bio-Dome was funny. No, it wasn't. But you know what looks amazing? Iron Man 2:

As I say frequently, Iron Man is probably my favorite superhero because he's so fucked up. And I love Robert Downey, Jr. And I loved the first one. And Mickey Rourke looks like the homeless guy who lived down the street from my old apartment and told me frequently that the clowns were donkeys, so I feel fondly towards him. Be honest. You're totally stoked about this movie. Don't lie. It's IRON MAN.

Oh, and remind me to bitch about Entertainment Tonight at some point. They are so terrible.

Daily Hot Guy

[David Tennant, who is going to make Masterpiece Theater dangerously erotic]

Writing
* This is Armchair/Shotgun, my friend's journal that publishes established and emerging artists/writers. It's going to be incredible. You should submit your stuff. And read them.

WhedonVerse
* This is Megabot:
Megabot, Ep. 1

Atom.com: Funny Videos | Atom Originals | MegaBot

It features Fran Kranz, AKA Topher Brink from Dollhouse, who will ALSO be in The Cabin In The Woods, AKA The Best Movie Ever because it is like Joss Whedon plus Evil Dead (admittedly minus Bruce Campbell, but we as a species are not ready for such wonders).

This is just further proof that even things only loosely affiliated with Joss Whedon are made of Win. And that Fran Kranz is hot. It had to be said.

Plus, it's a spoof of Power Rangers. We need more of those.

Sequel!Fail
* Oh, for the love of good film: They are making a Hancock sequel. I saw the original, opening weekend, because my friend made me. It was painful. We actually turned to each other and said, 'Please tell me you're not enjoying this.' It made me want to gauge out my eyes. And we're getting ANOTHER of these, but no Arrested Development movie? WHAT? WHO MAKES THESE DECISIONS?!

I need to go hit myself in the head now.

Jackie Earle Haley
* Um.

[Made by RorschachsChick]
File this under 'GIFs I cannot stop watching, nor do I want to. Ever.'

* I have, of course, watched the trailer for A Nightmare On Elm Street hundreds of times once or twice by now, as I'm assuming you have, if you possess a SOUL. Anyway, if you want to see it on the big screen, you should go see Zombieland. Because it's on there. So you'll get Jackie Earle Haley, Freddy Krueger, and ZOMBIES. This really does make up for the Hancock sequel. All is forgiven, Hollywood. No, not really. I'm still PISSED about Shutter Island.

TeeVee
* Huzzah, people are watching new shows! And more people are watch Glee than Vampire Diaries! I have FAITH in humanity. For the next ten seconds. And, it's gone.

Geek Want
* Sometimes something comes along that is so wonderful and beautiful and perfect that I don't need to say anything:

[Found at We Love You So]
You can buy it.

Awesome
* My GOD:

Why is this man not PRESIDENT OF THE UNIVERSE?

And it's in japanese, which somehow makes it more awesome, if that's even POSSIBLE.

Remake!Win
* If David Cronenberg wants to remake The Fly, again, that is his business. I am not questioning the dude who made Dead Ringers. Twin Jeremy Irons? YES. And it was a brilliant, twisted film. And freaked me out beyond words. Now I want to watch it again. Curse you, Cronenberg!

Wow
* I have no clue what's going on in this video:

Pay Cut by =funymony on deviantART
I'm not even going to PRETEND. I won't cheapen myself like that.

Sorry this was late-ish, the internet killed itself when it saw me reading that velociraptor porn (thank you, internet, for making me type such things), and I had to do a voodoo ritual to bring it back.

Now I need to go sweater shopping. For a Freddy Krueger sweater.
- LV

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What If You Don't Live By A Volcano?

Blog
* That's silly. Everyone lives by a volcano. A volcano of the SOUL. Yeah, I don't know. I've had precious little caffeine today. Title is from Firefly.

Jackie Earle Haley
* FINALLY:
A Nightmare on Elm Street in HD

A Nightmare On Elm Street trailer. Oh, how I love thee. I love thee HARDCORE. I will watch you repeatedly, and I will believe that THIS will be the horror trailer that is not made of suck, and fixes EVERYTHING in life. I need to get a new Freddy sweater. Mine was destroyed. Not in a fire. And Mr. Haley has growly voice. I spent most of my heinous morning fangirl-flailing, screaming, and generally frightening the natives. FOR A GOOD REASON.

Russell Brand
* I don't especially care who celebrities are dating. OK, I do, but in that, 'Hm, wow,' way, not in a 'OH GOD THEY ARE SO WRONG FOR EACH OTHER I MUST INTERVENE' way. That being said, I want Katy Perry to stay the HELL away from Russell Brand, OK? Because she ANNOYS me. SO MUCH. And I was sort of secretly hoping he and Lady Gaga would hook up, if ONLY because the tabloid coverage would be EPIC.

Politics
* HAHA, Levi Johnston, political impregnator, is going to be SO NAKED on the internets.I know I've said this before, but it NEVER STOPS BEING FUNNY. His Levi Johnston will be out, in public. Did I mention I had less than one cup of coffee this morning? And no food? And the energy drinks haven't kicked in yet?

* Short people are going to fuck you up, and the French are starting the war. VICTORY IN OUR TIME. But I will let certain tall men live, because they're hot. And my tall friends. Basically if I like you or you give me money, you're OK. Sarkozy, you never cease to entertain. And make me proud of my height. DOWN WITH TALLS.

* I must confess, I'm rather disappointed that Al Franken hasn't done anything super-hilarious since becoming a Senator. I thought... well, to be honest, I had hoped that politics would become like a long, drawn-out SNL skit. Which it already is, ZING. But here is a video of him, drawing a map:

His voice really annoys me, on an almost visceral level. It's weird.

Food
* Part of me thinks this is so cool and beautiful:

[Found at Friggin Random]
Part of me wonders how long it took.
Part of me just wants to sop up all that mustard with the bread.

Daily Hot Guy

[Matt Damon, not an unusual pick, but he's smart and funny and twisted, and he wrote a really good movie, and it's been an almost comically bad morning, and sometimes I just want to admire a handsome guy with nice eyes, OK?!]

Celebrity!Fail
* I stopped watching Gossip Girl, mainly because clothes lust was starting to make me seriously consider a life of crime (I WANT THEIR WARDROBES) and also I have too many other shows to watch on Monday, and simply cannot factor it in. Besides, it's best viewed in a marathon with a bunch of friends and some alcohol. But when I DID watch the show, I was a member of the 'I wish Chuck Bass had corrupted me in high school' club. Really, are there people who aren't? So this is very disappointing:

[Found at Jezebel]
Dude, there are very few guys who can have a naked lady tattoo and still be sexy. You are not among their numbers. Chuck Bass would not approve of your pathetic, plebeian attempt at rebellion. We're all very disappointed, Ed Westwick.

Zombies
* In theory, zombie shooting-range targets are a genius concept. But in practice....

[Found at Boing Boing]
Why do all the girl-zombies look like porn-star zombies, and why are all the boy-zombies Nazis? That's not very realistic. You should have done more research.

Apocalypse How?
* I make a lot of jokes in this category, but you know what? This is no joking matter:

[Found at Geekologie]
That's a Blu-Ray Player. It costs $135,000. Now let me make this very clear. I fucking hate anyone, ANYONE who is considering owning one of these. I CANNOT AFFORD A REGULAR BLU-RAY PLAYER. THIS ONE COSTS MORE THAN MY CAR. MORE THAN HALF A DOZEN OF MY CAR. GAAHHHHHH.
Oh, and this is truly the end of days, because seriously, what did they PUT IN THIS THING to make it cost so much? Pure gold? FAIRY GOLD? That shit is rare. I don't know. After work I have to go to Rite-Aid for lip-gloss. DISCOUNT lip-gloss. STUPID BLU-RAY PLAYER.

Dollhouse
* So apparently my Tweeting the Season Premiere of Dollhouse did nothing for the ratings. Or made them worse. Because Dollhouse got the lowest ratings ever.

Now, listen very carefully (or read very carefully): This season is going to be Topher-tastic. The premiere had hotness AND ANGST, and HIS SHEETS WERE ADORABLE, and he made me sad, and Whiskey is going bonkers (and drinking whiskey, I think, which delights me), and Alexis Denisoff (AKA Wesley) is going to be on a lot, and I NEED Alpha Wash to come back, so you are all going to MAN UP and watch Dollhouse. DO YOU GET ME?! Please? Because I still miss Firefly.

Epic!Fail
* This is an LV fail, I suspect. Because whenever I look at this picture:

[Found at Like Cool]
...I want to flip the guy off his forkless cruiser bike. I don't know why. But if I saw him in real life, I wouldn't be able to control myself. I just want to flip over that stupid, stupid bike. This compulsion frightens and confuses me. Ergo, LV!Epic!Fail.

They do happen, from time to time.

Books
* This library has no books:

[Found at The Boston Globe]
Because they have a 'learning center.' Books are outdated. Nobody READS anymore. HAHA.... ha... heh....

If you need me, I'll be clutching my worn copy of A Tree Grows In Brooklyn and weeping for the future.

Childhood!Fail
* Hey, kids! You like puppies, right? Who doesn't? Well, wouldn't you like to DISMEMBER A doggie?

[Found at Nerd Approved]
What, your doggie is missing its head? Its precious, precious head? Why are you crying? This is how butchers cut up the piggies we use to make your hot dogs!

Doctor Who
* I have posted this video of John Barrowman and David Tennant kissing at the Comic-Con before, and I most likely will again, and again, until Ianto Jones is OK. It doesn't HAVE to make sense, does it? Did Torchwood make sense? Did chunks of Doctor Who make sense? YEAH, so I win.

Plus, they're not exactly hard on the eyes, are they? It's Monday. That's the only excuse I NEED, OK?

Inglourious Basterds
* I like this story because it has Quentin Tarantino, B.J. Novak, movies, and unimpressed Germans:

Plus Brad Pitt seems like a fun guy. I am the only girl out there who would pick Tarantino over Pitt? Don't answer that.

Sorry this blog was a little late, but you know what? Monday. That is all.
- LV

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That Is Not A Supernatural Cow!

Blog
* It could be. You don't know. Title is from Invader Zim.


[Made by Erin]
You have no idea how many times I looked at this picture before yelling, 'Holy shit! Kermit and Miss Piggy!'

Yes, I'm going to the doctor today. I coughed up my spleen this morning.

WhedonVerse
* There is going to be a sequel to Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. What's that I hear? Angels weeping with joy? Neil Patrick Harris for president of my SOUL.

Sequel!Fail
* They are making Big Momma's House 3. It's OK, guys. Really. Because Joss Whedon is making a sequel to Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. EVERYTHING is OK now.

Jackie Earle Haley
* Have you listened to the most recent podcast? I don't believe you. World Peace Through Jackie Earle Haley watched an episode of Renegade. WIth Lorenzo Lamas. Do you KNOW what that's like? We did it for you. And Jackie. OK, mostly Jackie. And his bad circulation. If you don't understand, you didn't listen. SEE? I can tell.

* Here is an interview with Mr. Haley about A Nightmare on Elm Street. WHY has nobody put up the trailer yet on YouTube? That is the POINT of YouTube. It's attached to the Zombieland movie. Further proof that zombies are AWESOME.



* I have no idea what's going on in this GIF:

And that's just fine.

Daily Hot Guy

[Glenn Quinn, AKA Doyle from Angel and Mark Healy in Roseanne. I know it's kind of creepy to feature a dead man as a DHG, but I really loved this actor and was absolutely devastated when he died on the show, and then he died in real life and I was not OK. I was in high school, don't judge me. Anyway, he was Irish and adorable and a really good actor.]

TeeVee
* It's official! The first show cancelled this year is NOT one of my favorite shows! It's not even a show I watch! Huzzah! Oh, it's The Beautiful Life. Yeah, I don't care at all. I'm not going to pretend.

* Did you catch my Tweeting of Dollhouse last night? A friend asked me what the episode was about. This was my description: 'A lot of people hit Echo and stuff happened, and OMFG TOPHER AND WHISKEY IN THE BUNK IT WAS HOT AND SAD AND HIS SHEETS!'
Yeah, that scene made up for every sin in the history of Dollhouse. All is forgiven, you hear?

* James Marsters is going to be on Lie To Me. With Tim Roth. WHY IS TV BEING SO NICE THIS SEASON? Is this your way of making up for canceling Pushing Daisies? Is this how you make amends for the unending TRAUMA that was Torchwood: Children of the Earth? Because it's working quite well. I hope they snark at each other. A lot. With accents:

[Found at Daemon's TV]
I don't think I've ever seen Mr. Marsters in a suit before. It's kind of wonderful.

Geek Want
* OMFG:

[Found at Amazon]
Here's the plan. I will get this Spider Jerusalem action figure. Then I will acquire a Rorschach action figure. Then... I don't know. I will mail them to Warren Ellis, along with a note demanding that Mr. Haley play Mr. Jerusalem. That's the plan. But I'll need another Spider action figure. Because I want my own. I wish you could press a button that made it yell obscenities. Why aren't I allowed to make these sorts of decisions?

Awesome
* Whenever I was sick as a kid (like I am today) my mother would make me a big bowl of homemade popcorn, and we would watch Ferris Bueller's Day Off. It was our tradition. It's our 'sick movie.' So I love this website for what it represents of my childhood, as much as for the website itself. Seriously, I cannot stop pressing the button. I keep pressing it. I challenge you to only press it once.

Movie!Win
* Let's be clear: This movie is getting a Win only because it has Gary Oldman. Many movies have gotten a Win solely for that reason. He is MADE of Win. Some believe he invented Win (Actually, that would be Eric Stoltz, but the mistake is understandable). And I do like Denzel Washington, usually. He is fine. He can exist. But he is no Gary Oldman. Then again, few people are. So if I see The Book of Eli, and I probably will, it will be only because of Gary Oldman. And NO OTHER REASON.

Wow
* Scariest. GIF. EVER:

[Found at Best Week Ever]
That is all. Except now I want cupcakes.

Animals
* This may be the cutest thing I've seen all day:

[Found at LA Times]
It's a wee doggy nursing red panda babies! DAW! Inter-species adoption!

Girly Shit
* These are the ugliest shoes I have ever seen in my entire life of shopping:

[Found at Shoe Lust]
They depress me. I would give them to someone I desperately hate. I can't think of anyone I hate that much. These shoes DEFY HATRED. LOOK AT THEM.

WTF, INTERNET?
* This is the worst thing I have ever seen in my entire life:

[Found at Tofslie]
Popeye, WHY?!

Life Lessons

[Found at Indexed]
I'd rather have a centaur than a hybrid.

Music
* This is so cool. It's a complete visualization of Beethoven's Fifth Symphony:

Pretty colors.....

Technology
* Behold! The world's tiniest printer:

I want it. It is tiny and small and I like tiny and small printers. Mine is older than me. No, I'm serious. It has been around longer than I have. It's been updated so I can use it with my laptop, but really. It's huge. If I drop it on you, you're going to die horribly. So it's a weapon, of sorts, but I'd rather have a cute little printer I can carry, and a taser.

OK, I am sick and feel gross. So I am going to lie down and watch TV and read comics, and generally be unpleasant to all those around me. I have EARNED it with my disease. Sinus infections SUCK. Pity me.
- LV

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