TwiHate
* Hello. My name is Elle, and I'm here today to talk to you about Twilight contact lenses. Prove your fandom is eternal, and make someone fall in love with your penetrating yellow eyes!
These are the golden eyes of Edward, bastion of all perfection in male. You can have YOUR boyfriend wear them, and pretend he is someone else! Don't have a boyfriend? No problem! Put on the contacts, and stare at yourself in the mirror and pretend you are not terribly, terribly alone. Like Edward. Edward would understand your unique pain.
Have a bad streak? Then try out these contacts, and you can pretend to be James, one of the Vampires Who Fails To Be Edward. He is evil, because he eats people and tries to BREAK UP BELLA AND EDWARD YOU CAN'T STOP THEIR LOVE. But if you like some danger in your life, pick up these red contacts, which will in no way hinder your social or professional life! Twilight forever!
Relationships
* Valentine's Day sucks. We can all agree on that, yes? But may we just need some honesty in our commercial displays of affection:
[Found at Cracked]
Then again, maybe not.
Fashion
* When I showed this picture to my friend Arre, her first response was, 'That dude is so gay":
[Found at GoFugYourself]
This is very funny for a lot of reasons.
Comics
* Oh, Sherlock Holmes in comic form, you join all my loves together, and I cannot wait to make you mine, as you so desperately need to be. And you are easy on the eyes:
[Found at Newsarama]
Leah Moore is writing it (I WANT HER LIFE), and Aaron Douglas' art is kind of perfect. And I think it's out tomorrow. TO THE COMIC SHOP: AWAY!
Bad Life Choices
* Barack Obama or Tim Roth? Fox went with the latter, because English accents and snark always beat out real political figures, no matter how badass they may be. Or maybe they just HATE Barack Obama, which is why they have decided to air "Lie To Me" instead of the President's address. File this under Bad Life Choices.
Depression Session
* This is a funny/terrifying analysis of how America is changing to deal with the economy, and why we're all screwed, and how we're adapting. Also how nobody is moving, and college is pointless, and you should sell all your fancy shit online before nobody is out there to buy it. Why so serious?
Girly Shit
* This is some lipstick I want, because it is pretty:
[Found at MakeupAndBeautyBlog]
Also because all MY makeup is so old that is has become a uniform green color, and while I love the Swamp Thing comics, I have no desire to emulate his aesthetic sensibilities.
We now return to our regularly scheduled programming.
Tattoos
* A great article on tattoo regret, how to avoid it, and such other pressing issues. By these standards, both my tattoos are WIN. As if you ever had any doubt.
Tattoo Of Win
* Speaking of tattoo regrets, this is a tattoo no one should ever regret, because WTF?
[Found at LolTatz]
This picture appears on the internet a lot, but it's worth showing again. There is a LOT going on here. Not only is it Patrick Swayze, and not only is he a freaking CENTAUR (and who hasn't dreamt of him putting Baby in the corner and then having Baby muck out his stall and clean his hooves?) Plus the purple rainclouds and the rainbows. And how could we forget the sleeveless tuxedo? Clearly, this Centaur-Swayze is ready to party AND fuck people up. Well played, random tattooed person.
Books
* Oh, fucking hell. Orson Scott Card is supporting those NOM lunatics with the ridiculous ads who basically don't want anyone to have any rights, unless they are white and straight and Republican? WHY?! Mr. Card, you wrote Ender's Game. You are an integral part of my childhood. So why the fucktard? Explain, please. This whole thing makes me so sad. Because while you are entitled to your opinion on this matter, even if it goes against my own beliefs, alining yourself with a bunch of hysterical shit-kickers makes me want to seriously discuss your mental health.
* This is Russell Brand's website. According to it, he is working on Booky Wook 2. I am all tingly. Also, you should follow him on Twitter, because the daily dose of funny/sexy/sunny/fexy/FIERCE HAIR will keep you strong during tough times.
Food
* Why does it always have to be bacon? I eat bacon every morning, and I love it and it is delicious, and bacon on a sandwich raises it to orgasmic levels, but why does every food post involve bacon? Why aren't there other foods that inspire such devotion? And who looks at bacon and thinks, 'Strawberry-flavored gummis'?:
[Found at Geekologie]
Bacon: A mysterious and delicious invention.
Words Of Win
[Found at JustWhatever]
Zombies
* Swine flu? Or just a clever cover-up for the ZOMBIFICATION of our world?!
see more pwn and owned pictures
THE WRITING IS ON THE WALL. ARM YOURSELVES. IT'S ALREADY HERE.
The Crazy
* I love actress Bai Ling, because she is NUTS. She's not pretending to be insane, she is, and yet she is allowed to wander around among normal people, and sometimes SPEAK to them, and wear outfits that frighten and confuse those of us without her intellect. Here is an interview with her. Did you know she's going to win an Oscar? ALL THE OSCARS? And then she will grind them up and sprinkle them in her hair and wrap herself in the Red Carpet and wear it to the Grammy's. Also, a little spirit inside her is crazy and demands that she wear Band Aids of Truth. I COULD NOT MAKE THIS SHIT UP.
Politics
* In case you doubted that Bill O'Reilly is completely and utterly full of shit, read this. Does Bill not understand how history works? Or cameras? OR REALITY? WHY IS THIS MORNING SO CONFUSING AND SHOUTY?!
Movies
* Oh, Michael Cera, you are all that is cute and awkward, and if I had dated someone like in high school instead of the guys I actually dated, I would be a happier person today. So I will go see your new movie, which is a quasi-documentary about Love, and I will continue to support you. But if you in ANY way prevent Arrested Development from reincarnating itself as the Best Movie Ever, I will yell about you constantly online, and sharpen weapons. And cry. And sue you for making me cry. Neither of us need such complications. You are so delightfully awkward!
[Found at SlashFilm]
Shit, how much younger than me ARE you?
WTF, INTERNET?
* This is not new, but it is real, and people have purchased it. This handy flowchart explains how, if you do not reserve a spot in heaven, you will obviously end up in hell:
[Found at StrangeNewProducts]
THIS IS REAL. And there are different classes of heaven-bound people. And... oh, my god. I have to directly quote these people:
I think it's a joke. I hope it's a joke. I REALLY, really do. Because if it is, haha, funny, OK. But come on - there are at least a few people out there who buy into this. And THAT is why our species is doomed to extinction.
Later today will be more Rorschach images. Contain your excitement, IF YOU CAN.
- LVba
* Hello. My name is Elle, and I'm here today to talk to you about Twilight contact lenses. Prove your fandom is eternal, and make someone fall in love with your penetrating yellow eyes!
These are the golden eyes of Edward, bastion of all perfection in male. You can have YOUR boyfriend wear them, and pretend he is someone else! Don't have a boyfriend? No problem! Put on the contacts, and stare at yourself in the mirror and pretend you are not terribly, terribly alone. Like Edward. Edward would understand your unique pain.
Have a bad streak? Then try out these contacts, and you can pretend to be James, one of the Vampires Who Fails To Be Edward. He is evil, because he eats people and tries to BREAK UP BELLA AND EDWARD YOU CAN'T STOP THEIR LOVE. But if you like some danger in your life, pick up these red contacts, which will in no way hinder your social or professional life! Twilight forever!
Relationships
* Valentine's Day sucks. We can all agree on that, yes? But may we just need some honesty in our commercial displays of affection:
[Found at Cracked]
Then again, maybe not.
Fashion
* When I showed this picture to my friend Arre, her first response was, 'That dude is so gay":
[Found at GoFugYourself]
This is very funny for a lot of reasons.
Comics
* Oh, Sherlock Holmes in comic form, you join all my loves together, and I cannot wait to make you mine, as you so desperately need to be. And you are easy on the eyes:
[Found at Newsarama]
Leah Moore is writing it (I WANT HER LIFE), and Aaron Douglas' art is kind of perfect. And I think it's out tomorrow. TO THE COMIC SHOP: AWAY!
Bad Life Choices
* Barack Obama or Tim Roth? Fox went with the latter, because English accents and snark always beat out real political figures, no matter how badass they may be. Or maybe they just HATE Barack Obama, which is why they have decided to air "Lie To Me" instead of the President's address. File this under Bad Life Choices.
Depression Session
* This is a funny/terrifying analysis of how America is changing to deal with the economy, and why we're all screwed, and how we're adapting. Also how nobody is moving, and college is pointless, and you should sell all your fancy shit online before nobody is out there to buy it. Why so serious?
Girly Shit
* This is some lipstick I want, because it is pretty:
[Found at MakeupAndBeautyBlog]
Also because all MY makeup is so old that is has become a uniform green color, and while I love the Swamp Thing comics, I have no desire to emulate his aesthetic sensibilities.
We now return to our regularly scheduled programming.
Tattoos
* A great article on tattoo regret, how to avoid it, and such other pressing issues. By these standards, both my tattoos are WIN. As if you ever had any doubt.
Tattoo Of Win
* Speaking of tattoo regrets, this is a tattoo no one should ever regret, because WTF?
[Found at LolTatz]
This picture appears on the internet a lot, but it's worth showing again. There is a LOT going on here. Not only is it Patrick Swayze, and not only is he a freaking CENTAUR (and who hasn't dreamt of him putting Baby in the corner and then having Baby muck out his stall and clean his hooves?) Plus the purple rainclouds and the rainbows. And how could we forget the sleeveless tuxedo? Clearly, this Centaur-Swayze is ready to party AND fuck people up. Well played, random tattooed person.
Books
* Oh, fucking hell. Orson Scott Card is supporting those NOM lunatics with the ridiculous ads who basically don't want anyone to have any rights, unless they are white and straight and Republican? WHY?! Mr. Card, you wrote Ender's Game. You are an integral part of my childhood. So why the fucktard? Explain, please. This whole thing makes me so sad. Because while you are entitled to your opinion on this matter, even if it goes against my own beliefs, alining yourself with a bunch of hysterical shit-kickers makes me want to seriously discuss your mental health.
* This is Russell Brand's website. According to it, he is working on Booky Wook 2. I am all tingly. Also, you should follow him on Twitter, because the daily dose of funny/sexy/sunny/fexy/FIERCE HAIR will keep you strong during tough times.
Food
* Why does it always have to be bacon? I eat bacon every morning, and I love it and it is delicious, and bacon on a sandwich raises it to orgasmic levels, but why does every food post involve bacon? Why aren't there other foods that inspire such devotion? And who looks at bacon and thinks, 'Strawberry-flavored gummis'?:
[Found at Geekologie]
Bacon: A mysterious and delicious invention.
Words Of Win
[Found at JustWhatever]
Zombies
* Swine flu? Or just a clever cover-up for the ZOMBIFICATION of our world?!
see more pwn and owned pictures
THE WRITING IS ON THE WALL. ARM YOURSELVES. IT'S ALREADY HERE.
The Crazy
* I love actress Bai Ling, because she is NUTS. She's not pretending to be insane, she is, and yet she is allowed to wander around among normal people, and sometimes SPEAK to them, and wear outfits that frighten and confuse those of us without her intellect. Here is an interview with her. Did you know she's going to win an Oscar? ALL THE OSCARS? And then she will grind them up and sprinkle them in her hair and wrap herself in the Red Carpet and wear it to the Grammy's. Also, a little spirit inside her is crazy and demands that she wear Band Aids of Truth. I COULD NOT MAKE THIS SHIT UP.
Politics
* In case you doubted that Bill O'Reilly is completely and utterly full of shit, read this. Does Bill not understand how history works? Or cameras? OR REALITY? WHY IS THIS MORNING SO CONFUSING AND SHOUTY?!
Movies
* Oh, Michael Cera, you are all that is cute and awkward, and if I had dated someone like in high school instead of the guys I actually dated, I would be a happier person today. So I will go see your new movie, which is a quasi-documentary about Love, and I will continue to support you. But if you in ANY way prevent Arrested Development from reincarnating itself as the Best Movie Ever, I will yell about you constantly online, and sharpen weapons. And cry. And sue you for making me cry. Neither of us need such complications. You are so delightfully awkward!
[Found at SlashFilm]
Shit, how much younger than me ARE you?
WTF, INTERNET?
* This is not new, but it is real, and people have purchased it. This handy flowchart explains how, if you do not reserve a spot in heaven, you will obviously end up in hell:
[Found at StrangeNewProducts]
THIS IS REAL. And there are different classes of heaven-bound people. And... oh, my god. I have to directly quote these people:
Discounts
We can offer group discounts on parties larger than 10. If you would like to make a reservation for a larger party then Contact Us and we will work with you to make sure you are taken care of.
This exclusive package contains all necessary materials to get you into Heaven and experience all of the elite areas that are normally off-limits to normal citizens. If you want the entire Heaven experience then this is your package.
Heavenly issued certificate of reservation registered in the Book of Light™
A First class ticket to Heaven. Why walk those stairs when you can fly?
The Official Heaven Identification Card (laminated) so you can get around without getting hassled.
Heaven 101 mini informational guide. Don’t be a victim of culture shock. Get acquainted with the land..
All access VIP pass (laminated). This pass will grant you access to “VIP exclusive areas” including the Land of Milk and Honey and Thug Mansion, where all the elite get together and kick it.
I think it's a joke. I hope it's a joke. I REALLY, really do. Because if it is, haha, funny, OK. But come on - there are at least a few people out there who buy into this. And THAT is why our species is doomed to extinction.
Later today will be more Rorschach images. Contain your excitement, IF YOU CAN.
- LVba
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