They're Like Sex, Except I'm Having Them!

Blog
* Oh, Fry. I don't know whether to judge you or hug you. Title is from Futurama.

* Sullen Skrewt is another one of those artists that I love because they're so talented, but I also sort of hate because they're so talented. I mean, LOOK AT THIS:

Joker abstract by *sullen-skrewt on deviantART
I LOVE this. Then again, Joker art needs to exist everywhere I am. I think my love outweighs the hate here, because she makes art of SUPREME WIN. When I'm rich, I will buy much of it. For my castle. In England. Shut up.

Freakangels Friday
* Huzzah, for Warren Ellis, eater of babies and fucker of zombies, has gifted us peons with another chapter of FREAKANGELS, and the world makes sense... until I stop reading, of course. Then it all goes to shit.

Daily Buy
* This warrants SUPER CAPSLOCKS.

[Found at Alter Ego Comics]
WHY DO I NOT OWN THIS DOC HOLLIDAY FIGURE? WHY IS IT NOT MINE? DOC FUCKING HOLLIDAY IS EASILY ONE OF THE TOP THREE MOST BAMF IN HISTORY, AND I LOVE HIM, AND NOW I NEED TO RENT TOMBSTONE.

Oh, and you can remove the pistol rounds, although I don't know WHY you'd want to do that. I just want to keep him safe from disease and loneliness. So, someone loan me $250, OK?

Holiday!Fail
* Well, if you need me, I'll be in the corner canceling Christmas:

[Found at Santa, No!]

Girly Shit
* I kind of stopped liking Salma Hayek after a while, because she got boring and stopped being made of epic win. But she looks fabulous in this Campari ad, and I think we all need to admit that:

[Found at Letters From The End Consumer]
Also her breasts have super-powers, and if she felt like it she could use them to rule the world. TRUTH.
PS, Salma, you were totally awesome in From Dusk 'Till Dawn, even if you did make Quentin Tarantino sad.

Dollhouse
* So when they announced the cancellation of Dollhouse, I didn't say much, nor was I that surprised, because:
A) It's FOX and Joss Whedon, and these things happen
B) Firefly got canceled, and Firefly was better than Dollhouse
C) Dollhouse only got renewed (in my opinion), because of the shit storm that followed the cancellation of Firefly
D) Dollhouse may have some of the best episodes Joss Whedon has ever filmed, but it's also his most uneven show yet.
E) While I have seen everything Joss Whedon has done, I am not a blind Whedonite. I thought Angel was better than Buffy, I am TIRED of his strong female lead, and I think Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog was his best work yet because he wasn't TRYING, he was just having fun.
F) I don't think Eliza Dushku is particularly fantastic, but what's worse, I dislike both Echo AND Caroline.

Don't get me wrong, I loved Dollhouse. Well, parts of it. I love Topher and Whiskey and of COURSE, I worship Alpha Wash.
Yeah, I was sad, but I wasn't surprised, and I don't think it was ENTIRELY unjustified (except that Omega One may be one of the best hours on TV ever).

THEN, of course, Joss Whedon has to go and SCREW WITH MY HEAD, AGAIN, by releasing some freaking AMAZING episodes that are epic and brilliant and clever and ALL the good words, and now I am upset it's being cancelled, and tonight Alpha Wash comes back, and it will make me feel worse that the show is being cancelled, because NOW you decide to be amazing, Mr. Whedon? THAT IS NOT FAIR.

Daily Hot Guy

[Eric Stoltz. THE STOLTZ. With a beard. You're welcome.]

Whut?

[Found at Geekologie]
It's a ring that features a dinosaur eating a fried chicken leg.

No, I don't know. And I don't plan on finding out.

Zombies
* ZOMBIE BOARD GAME:

[Found at Nerd Approved]
Teach your children about the End Of Times, and have fun too!

OK, Friday, let's go.
- LV

PS, if you aren't following this blog on Twitter, the forces of evil will descend upon your home. Not my fault. Just the way things ARE.

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So This Guy Comes In, Stops The Plot Cold, & Leaves.

Blog
* Title is from Mystery Science Theater 3000, Greatest Show Ever.

* This blog is one you need to check out: The Rock 'n Roll Cook. Rock stars. Telling you how to make their favorite foods, and the insane stories around them. This is brilliant. WHY has no one thought of this before?

Did you know the drummer from Black Sabbath is a vegan? Yes, Bill Ward is one of the only cool vegans alive. He gives you the recipe for his enchilada pie. If you eat it while listening to old-school Black Sabbath, you are imbued with the power of a thousand rock gods.

There are also interviews and recipes featuring Joss Stone, producer Ethan Johns (the man behind Kings of Leon, Ray LaMontagne, Paolo Nutini, Ryan Adams, Rufus Wainwright, Emmylou Harris, The Jayhawks and Crowded House), among others.

The touring drummer for Nine Inch Nails like Frito Chili Pie. I think we made that back in college. For roommates that wouldn't clean the bathroom. It was delicious, but there was a good chance it would kill you. I miss college.

FREAKANGELS FRIDAY
* Yes, it is that glorious day of the week again, wherein Warren Ellis emerges from his technological fortress and gifts us with the sweat from his brilliant brow. After all those weeks of skips, which led to me bemoaning the fate of humanity, we have CONSISTENCY. AND GLOWING EYES. Maybe Karl will explode someone, and I will delight in it.

I need more coffee. Spoilers beneath my signature at the bottom of the entry.

Daily Buy
* This would be a great gift for a kid. It's one of those plant-kits where you learn about nature. But you know what makes this one special? DINOSAURS:

As these bean plants sprout, different dinos appear on the pods that emerge - a truly enchanting way to introduce children to the wonders of the natural world.

[Found at What On Earth]
This would be the best gift. For a child. Yes. Not for an adult. We are ABOVE such silly things. We don't want plants.... with dinosaurs.... RAPTORS.... What?

Holiday!Fail
* The following conversation is true. It was not exaggerated in any way.
Mom: What is that?
Me: It's an ornament.
Mom: Is it Winston Churchill?
Me: What?
Mom: It's Churchill, right?
Me: It's an ORNAMENT.
Mom: You said that. But it's Winston Churchill.
Me: WHY would anyone want Winston Churchill hanging from their tree?
Mom: I don't know. Your blog has all sorts of weird crap. Winston Churchill ornaments would be pretty boring, comparably.
Me: It's a baby:

[Found at Regretsy]
Mom: Why would anyone want an ornament of a screaming baby Winston Churchill?
Me: It's ISN'T- I don't know, Mom. I really don't anymore.

Books
* I love Michael Chabon. Wonder Boys is a fantastic book. So is The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay. And Gentlemen of the Road. Here, he talks about his new book. I'm sorry, I have no snark. I want Michael Chabon's career. AND he likes Doctor Who.

Nostalgia!Win
* Have we talked about my Mortal Kombat love? I loved the games (but none compared to Trilogy), I loved the movies (SHUT UP I WAS YOUNG AND FOOLISH), and the soundtrack is still damn good music to work out too. I miss Mortal Kombat, while at the same time hoping fervently that they NEVER remake the movies, because the ORIGINAL movies were terrible.

What were we talking about? Oh, right, Mortal Kombat, greatest game EVER. And this made me miss it even more:

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

SUB-ZERO FTW.

Daily Hot Guy

[Sam Trammell, who plays Sam on True Blood. Sam used to be my favorite. No longer, but he's still in the top three. I miss True Blood. When does it come back on?

Doctor Who
* I kind of want to watch every Doctor Who episode ever, all over again, for no good reason other than Doctor Who is EPIC LIFE-GIVING WIN.
Anyway, they've announced the dates for The End of Time. I need a hug. From David Tennant. Is he available?

People I Love
* I love Emails from Crazy People, because comparatively speaking, EVERYONE is sane. EVERYONE. I also love this dude, who admitted to wanting to hire someone to dress up as a pilgrim on Thanksgiving to serve him and his guests dinner:

[Found at Emails From Crazy People]
He's a total asshole, but at least he's up front about it. 'Gravy-ladler' isn't a career you hear much about anymore, is it?

Movie!Fail
* David Fincher is directing a movie that features Justin Timberlake.

Yeah, I'm done.

PS I lied, I'm not done. Jesse Eisenberg is in the movie too, and he's rapidly becoming Epic!Win, so maybe if he punches Justin Timberlake, everything will be all better, yes?

TeeVee
* Besides being rich, talented, and BRILLIANT, Edgar Wright has the urge to display amazing DVD TV shows that are not mine:

FINE, Mr. Wright. You win at EVERYTHING. OK? Except being a girl. That's where I'm a VIKING.

Also, I probably know more about Hunter Thompson and fashion than you do. I said 'probably.' I'm not taking any chances.

Awesome
* OMIGOD. OMIGOD.

[Found at Hijinks Ensue]
Kaisha found this for me. I adore her. ALMOST AS MUCH AS BACON ALPHA WASH.

Seriously, it's like these guys climbed into my head and made all my deepest desires come to comic life!

EPIC WIN, PEOPLE. RIGHT HERE.

Movie!Win
* ZOMBIELAND 2. IN 3-D.
That's the tag-line. That I just invented. My fee is several hours with Tallahassee, and a lifetime supply of Twinkies.

I really don't care much either way about the 3-D aspect, but whatever Zombieland thinks is good for me IS good for me. I also want the DVD now. And I think I'll wear my Tallahassee hat today.

Childhood!Fail
* If the image of Megan Fox getting leg-humped by a tiny racist robot as Megatron DIES didn't annhilate Transformers for you, try this:

How did that work? You OK? Stop crying. MEGATRON HATES YOU AND YOUR HUMAN TEARS.

Wow
* Alan Moore. Singing.

[Found at Topless Robot]
Brain broken now. Ears too. All broken bits in head-bones.

Animals
* OTTERS. I WANT AN OTTER. I WILL NAME HIM OLIVER. I AM UNCREATIVE:

How about Ollie? Oswald? OSCAR?

OK, time to read more FREAKANGELS. And if I decide to wear my Tallahassee hat, there will be pictures.
- LV

WARNING: SPOILERS FOR THIS WEEKS' FREAKANGELS TO FOLLOW
- Mark got a booboo! Wow, way for me to undermine the drama. And GOD DAMN THE CARS ESPLODED.

I'd say this would make a sick movie, but then they'd fuck it up, and I would be filled with sorrow and rage. And nobody wants THAT.

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Do You Know What The Words 'Low Profile' Mean?

Blog
* Oh, Quentin Tarantino knows what those words mean. He just chooses to ignore them. Title is from From Dusk 'Till Dawn.

Freakangels Friday
* FINALLY. IT IS FRIDAY AND THERE IS FREAKANGELS, AND I CAN CATCH UP ON WHAT I HAVE MISSED. IT IS ALL OK. I am also very happy we are flashing back, because I no longer have to spend each week worrying if Karl will live or not. I'm sure you appreciate that as well. So let's all agree that as long as we're in the past, Karl is alive. OK? Spoilers for this weeks' FREAKANGELS under my signature.

Oh, and I finally bought a Warren Ellis T-Shirt Of The Week:

But I've had to promise I won't wear it in front of my family members, who hate health care, and health in general, and already suspect me of being a Communist anarchist liberal type-person.

Remake!Fail
* I think I've yelled enough about this, but it still manages to make me insane:

[Found at Slash Film]
YOU DO NOT FUCK WITH THE KARATE KID. ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE RELATED TO WILL SMITH.

TeeVee
* I love Mystery Science Theater 3000. I love it. I love everything about it. I love Tom Serve and Crow and Gypsy. I may love Joel more than Mike because I think Joel is sexy, but I sort of think Mike was better onscreen. WHAT? Joel is AWESOME. I missed him terribly. But I digress.
Every episode should be on DVD. They should. Or at least on Instant Watch on Netflix. Here's a list of the best episodes that aren't yet on DVD. PUMAMAN. That is all you need to know. PUMAMAN. Think about the possibilities.

Geek Want
* I would like everything on this list. Except the Warren Ellis T-Shirt, obviously. Because I bought that for myself already. Because I'm greedy.
For the record, for the rest of the year, this will be more of a shopping advice section, because I am always looking for cool shit to get people (or to have them buy for me, because, as I've said, I am a greedy girl.)

Awesome
* I can knit. I can't knit WELL, but I can knit. I am now determined to learn how to knit skunk hats for everyone I know:

[Found at Neatorama]
SKUNK HATS FOR ALL. But not the cow hat. It looks like the cow is nomming on the babys' head. Which is not what I'm going for. SKUNK PUNK.

Daily Hot Guy

[Alan Rickman, and a statue head. I have no idea what is going on in this picture. Nor do I care. SOMETIMES THINGS DON'T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE, DO THEY?]

Movie!Win
* BURKE & HARE. BURKE & HARE.

[Found at David Tennant News]
Simon Pegg and David Tennant and John Landis. Click here to learn more about it. BEST MOVIE EVER. You heard it here first.

Childhood!Fail
* Hmm, a motorcycle for small children based on the adventures of a man who broke nearly every bone in his body multiple times.

[Found at Like Cool]
And no helmet! This is a fail because on one hand, as a child I would have loved to get this as a gift. But it can only go up to 4 miles an hour. So naturally I would have raised the stakes:
'Hey, Mommy! Look at me!'
'L! HOW DID YOU GET UP ON THE ROOF WITH YOUR MOTORCYCLE?'
Point is, this is going to end badly. Either make it go faster, or include detailed instructions on the many ways Evel Knievel injured himself over the years, so dumb-ass parents can't sue. Just a thought.

Wow
* I'm not sure how I'd react to seeing this in a subway station:

[Found at Das Cabinet des Dr. Ruthven]
I'm sure it's meant to be positive and hopeful, but it would sort of freak me out. Good times for WHO, exactly? My good time is not the same as a serial killer's good time. Just saying.

Animals
* I want this dog:

What else can I add? I want this dog in my life.

Food!Win
* I made this yesterday for Thanksgiving. It's cranberry chutney:

[Found at Unfussy Fare]
And it was effing GLORIOUS. I would make more, except after yesterday I am never, ever eating again.

Girly Want
* I think I need these shoes. I can't figure out how to embed the image, so click here and see them. I also need a reason to wear these shoes, but that comes after I own them.

WTF, INTERNET?
* OH MY GOD:

[Found at Regretsy]
OH MY GOD. No thank you. Make it go away, please. CHIPMUNKS SHOULD NOT EAT MICE. Beatrix Potter would NEVER do this shit to children. I need to hug a stuffed animal.

Music
* In my next life, I want to be Lady Gaga:

Can someone make this happen? Please?

Technology
* Ikea is both a land of greatness and the place where the mind will crumble. I love Ikea. Here's what you should know about Ikea.
Here's the reason I will always love IKEA:

And Jonathan Coulton, obviously.

Crafts
* I cannot make this hat. But someone should make it for me:

[Found at Instructables]
Because I still cannot afford the super-expensive real pajamas they were selling. And that makes me sad.

Spoilers for this weeks' FREAKANGELS below my signature.
- LV

SPOILERS FOR THIS WEEKS' FREAKANGELS BELOW
- Beautiful art. How did the cops get wise to them? And their hair is so different. It makes it hard for me to tell who they are. MORE IMPORTANTLY, DO WANT THIS:

And I'm broke and trying to make nice things for my friends. It's going to be a rough season, guys. ROUGH FOR MY GREED.

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Fight Now, Cry Later.

Blog
* Seth Gecko: Life Coach. Title is from From Dusk 'Till Dawn, which is still one of my favorite movies, and you should all watch it because STRIPPER VAMPIRES and SEXY QUENTIN TARANTINO.

FREAKANGELS FRIDAY
* GOD FUCKING DAMMIT, WARREN ELLIS. WHY IS THERE AN INTERLUDE? WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO YOUR LOYAL FANS? AND I WANT YOUR WEEKLY T-SHIRTS AND THAT COFFEE MUG. FRIDAY IS RUINED, MR. ELLIS. It's a pretty interlude, though.

Oh, wow. I just READ the interlude, and artist Paul Duffield UNDERSTANDS the pain he is putting us through. He expected my rage. Truly he is a minor wizard, learning at the mad, terrifying side of Mr. Ellis. Also, there's new stuff at the FREAKANGELS store, and I can pretend I have the money to buy such things.

And the FREAKANGELS WALLPAPER is pretty.

Fandom
* Star Wars fans are weird:

[Found at Topless Robot]
This may be the ultimate fandom cake, but it's also the weirdest one I've seen EVER. I'm a member of MULTIPLE fandoms, and I have to say, I've never been inspired to eat the organs of any of the characters.

Also, is that a tiny Luke Skywalker jammed in there? Do not want. You can eat that. Really. I'm not hungry.

Sequel!Fail
* Dear Eddie Murphy:
Remember when you were funny and awesome and sort of brilliant? And you made movies like Coming to America and Trading Places and 48 Hours? Those were good movies.

Then something happened. Maybe you tried a new drug and had an allergic reaction. Maybe you spent to much time rolling around naked in money. I don't know your life. But you started making bad movies. Really bad movies. The Adventures of Pluto Nash. Norbit (WHICH WON AN OSCAR, A FACT I AM STILL INSANE ABOUT). Meet Dave.

Now you're planning Beverly Hills Cop 4. The first Beverly Hills Cop is fun, in that 'it's a crappy movie but it doesn't take itself seriously at ALL' way that certain movies can cultivate.

I doubt the fourth one will be good. The second and third weren't good. I still have the VHS for the second movie, for reasons I don't understand, and really, not your finest hour. Maybe work on good movies? Or take a nap? I think you could use a nap.

Plus, I refuse to see Dreamgirls because I hate two of the actors in it. Not you, Mr. Murphy, but you aren't exactly endearing yourself to me.

Make a good movie again? Please?
Love, LV

PS I thought your voice work in Shrek was brilliant. I also really liked Bowfinger.

TeeVee
* I maintain, and always will, that the original Twilight Zone is one of the scariest television shows ever made in the history of the universe. So happy 50th, Rod Serling's brain baby! That episode with the doll? TALKING TINA? And the episode where there were clones of everyone? I cried.

Geek Want
* I know Halloween is over (because I had the best Halloween, ever), but this costume is so freaking sweet that I feel we need to pause and appreciate it:

[Found at KimNCris]
I love this guy. BEST BENDER COSTUME EVER. I salute you, sir. YOU EVEN HAVE ROBOT OIL.

Daily Hot Guy

[Jeffrey Dean Morgan, AKA John Winchester, AKA The Comedian, who is the hottest crazy father EVER, and even though the finale of season two of Supernatural was totally ridiculous, it was also AMAZING and fabulous, and I only like him as John Winchester. And no, I refuse to watch him in Gray's Anatomy. I refuse to watch that show. I often pretend it doesn't exist.]

Awesome
* So I don't think I should play this game:

[Found at Boing Boing]
Because it starts out as a joke, then I get obsessive, then you find me standing on the roof in a mini-skirt with high boots and a homemade crown, pretending I'm Tina Turner from Beyond The Thunderdome. Which has nothing to do with this game, but now I sort of think this would be a great way to spend the day. Who has a flame-thrower I could borrow?

Movie!Win
* I am sickeningly excited about the Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. It looks gorgeous. I love Terry Gilliam (But I'm still happy he didn't direct Watchmen) and I even sit through his terrible movies that make no sense and sadden me with their sort of awful (coughcoughTIDELANDcoughcough)(SERIOUSLY. Did you see that movie? WHAT WAS GOING ON?)

And I thought Heath Ledger was a fantastic actor. Did you see his performance in Monster's Ball? (I could mention the more obvious, but let me just say, again, that he was SHAFTED out of an Oscar for Brokeback Mountain. Think what you will about the movie, or the hype, but I loved it and I cried and I LOVED it.

Anyway, here's the trailer for Imaginarium:

I can't wait for it to come out. Even if it might make me cry. Because 10 Things I Hate About You was on TV the other day, and when the part came on where Mr. Ledger sings, I started bawling. But that might be my problems talking.

Childhood!Fail
* WOW, BBC. WOW.

The BBC has defended a decision to change the ending of nursery rhyme Humpty Dumpty.

A version used on the CBeebies channel was altered so rather than "couldn't put Humpty together again" all the King's horses "made Humpty happy again".

WOW. I highly doubt that it was done for 'creative reasons' as you claim. I mean, COME ON. HE'S AN EGG. YOU CANNOT PUT EGGS BACK TOGETHER.

Also, it's a metaphor. Also, BBC, Little Miss Muffet was NOT friends with the spider. WHY ARE YOU TURNING MOTHER GOOSE INTO A HOUSE OF LIES?!

Wow
* I saw The Others, mostly because of Christopher Eccelston, and it was a good and creepy movie. But I don't like to see ACTUAL pictures of dead people. Especially when you pose them. You shouldn't pose the dead. I feel very strongly about this. And opening their eyes so they STARE at you? It just freaks me out. A lot. I'm sorry, but it does. Now I want to watch The Others again. That was a damn good movie.

And no, I'm not posting pictures. They make me sad. Especially the little kids posed with their siblings. Click the link to see. Historically, it's a fascinating trend. Personally, I'm glad it's over.

Animals
* We have wild turkeys around here. They are big ugly bastards, and once when I was younger they chased my car up the street. Stop laughing, they're really quite terrifying.

SEE?

Girly!Want
* This is a shoe:

[Found at Geekologie]
I don't know if I want to wear it, because I'm not sure how it goes on the foot. But I DO want to own it. So I can study it. Seriously, HOW DOES IT WORK? I am scared, a little. Footwear should not cause such anxiety.

Blah Blah Blah.
- LV

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I Can't Be Bothered To Hit You. Here Is My Fist. Kindly Run Towards It.

Blog
* I totally lust after Edmund Blackadder in the later series, and I apologize for NOTHING. Title is from Blackadder.

* Even when cross and smacked down by the torture that is MATH, Megan brings us the glory of Tim Roth, and cake, and a fabulous list of horror movies that I AGREE with, which is rare. Let's invite Tim Roth over to watch horror movies and eat cake. HOW INTENSE WOULD THAT BE?

* This may be the cutest allergy ever:

[Drawn by Erin]
Look at her knees! They are ridiculously adorable! Yeah, the caffeine isn't working yet if I'm gushing over cartoon knees. Even if it is frigging adorable.

* I love Patience, because A) she quoted Tombstone, and my FAVORITE LINE in Tombstone, and that is sweet, and B) she is awesome, generally, and C) she made this:

SHE KNITTED POO. POOOOOOO.

* Have you checked out MY blog? Yesterday a printer CHEWED MY SOUL.

FREAKANGELS FRIDAY
* Huzzah, book four begins, and yesterday my FREAKANGEL-ESQUE boots arrived last night, AND I WILL WEAR THEM AND PRETEND TO HAVE SUPER-POWERS, AND KARL WILL BE JUST FINE. OK?! I'll read it after I blog, and FREAKANGELS will be the one bright spot on my otherwise work-filled FRIDAY OF FAIL. Spoilers under my signature.

Food!Fail
* I'm reorganizing categories in my blog, and if you have a PROBLEM with that, you have to eat these:

[Found at Friggin Random]
I don't, because it's my blog, and I'm allergic to skinless wieners. Stop laughing.

Halloween
* Like most people of a certain age/disposition, I love Halloween. And that is why I want these pancake molds of scary adorable:

[Found at Incredible Things]
Are these the cutest pancakes ever? I think so. I THINK THEY ARE DELICIOUS. I will eat these ghosts, and they can haunt the shit out of me, if they want, because I will be so happy.

Politics
* I kind of love Robert Gibbs, because I feel like he would be a great friend to have in a tight spot. He would casually rip your enemies a new asshole, but in such a way that the other person would have no idea how to retaliate. Look at the way he diminishes Dick Cheney's very existence:

Then again, it IS Dick Cheney, and he is the Evil Ogre beneath the bridge that eats our adorable goats. That sentence went away from me, but my point remains VALID. Robert Gibbs is my defense lawyer, I just decided.

* Guys, I am tired. I have a lot of unpleasant work today, I will be rubbing caffeine in my eyeballs in a few hours, and it's FRIDAY. A DAY OF JOY. So I don't know about this:

[Found at Regretsy]
I don't know. Why is there Obama coffee? Why? I don't know. I am very tired.

Daily Hot Guy

[Hugh Laurie, the Original Hot Male British Actor. He and Tim Roth's characters need to join forces for the BIGGEST CASE EVER. Really, Hugh Laurie was in Blackadder, and Tim Roth was in Pulp Fiction, and I think they're the only two British actors who have yet to appear in the Harry Potter franchise. He's got amazing eyes and gorgeous hands. Plus, his book is really quite good.]

Zombies
* Zombies are going to show up and kick the SHIT out of the vampire craze, and it's amazing, because zombies beat vampires, as we all know, because is there a VAMPIRE apocalypse? NO. NEVER. Just a zombie apocalypse. TRUFAX.

Apocalypse How?
* Hah, we have a Dollhouse for flies now, and can manufacture feelings of fear and pain, and did anyone see that movie The Signal? I did not like it very much, but WHAT IF IT TURNS OUT TO BE TRUE? Going crazy is not the same as being a zombie. Sorry, wrong category. Um, Alpha as a fly would be terribly interesting. Yeah, we're doomed.

Epic!Fail
* As a struggling writer, I appreciate the idea of copyright laws, and people not stealing my shit. But Access Copyright, a Canadian copyright organization (if you couldn't tell) is banning, among other things, home TV recordings, and moving eBooks from reader to reader.

Let me be clear: You BUY an eBook, with your money. It's yours. Your eBook reader gets old, and you get a new one. By this law, you CANNOT TRANSFER your book. That you bought. With your money.

I need to call bullshit. As my college professor often said, 'Information Wants To Be Free.' Stealing and sharing are different. Could someone explain this to Canada?

Books
* You all know I love the website Topless Robot, even though it shows me the most nightmarish fanfiction I have EVER seen, and I will never be OK, because, guys DARKWING DUCK EROTIC FANFICTION, WHUT?!

But on this subject, I am in complete agreement with TR: The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy can only be written by Douglas Adams, and no books written by other authors will be acknowledged as part of that series:

Topless Robot is of the opinion that this book is a cash grab by the late Douglas Adams' wife, that Douglas Adams was so individual a writer that no one could or should try to replicate him, and that And Another Thing should be avoided at all costs. If there was a way to not buy the book any harder, I would do that. Maybe I can demand a refund for it from a bookstore just by virtue of its existence.

I may try this, later today, because you know WHAT? You don't fucking pull stuff like this, especially with a man who wrote for freaking Doctor Who. Are you TRYING to anger Bruce Campbell?

Childhood!Fail
* You know what? This is why I only want to have boy children:

[Found at World Of Wonder]
It's a cleaning trolley. For children. Girl children, I'm assuming, because it's pink. I can't even deal with this. I'm so tired. I don't even have the energy to get angry about this. If you can't see the problem with this... I don't know. I need a nap.

Nostalgia!Win
* I had the Crayola Crayon 'Indian Red.' I had that huge set, and I loved that set, and I want it BACK. I never thought it was offensive, but what did I know? I was little. I colored Bugs Bunny green. I was crazy. Anyway, they used to have cooler names for crayons. Prussian Blue? That's a sweet name for a crayon.

Doctor Who
* Masterpiece Theater should NOT be sexy:


Oh SHIT he's Scottish. I know this, but.... DON'T LEAVE, DOCTOR. PLEASE. STICK AROUND AND BE SCOTTISH, OK?!

What are we talking about? I'm sorry, he's still talking, and nothing you say matters right now.

People I Love
* David Cross and Bob Odenkirk take on Balloon Boy, thus marking the ONLY report I actually READ on the whole disaster.

OK, going to read FREAKANGELS, then do work.
- LV

WARNING: SPOILERS FOR THIS WEEKS' FREAKANGELS BELOW. CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED.
KARL HAD A MOHAWK BACK IN THE DAY. Also I love the flashback. And FINALLY, I get to see Mark. I understand his charisma. Guy is smart. But where's Arkady? Is she off using? Or did I just not notice her? It's possible.

This comic makes me want to go shopping. DAMMIT, MR. ELLIS. I CANNOT AFFORD TO BUY COOL CLOTHES.

Karl is hot. Shut up, all of you.

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The Pen Is Mightier Than The Sword, If You Shoot That Pen Out Of A Gun!

Blog
* Inventors, get on this. Title is from The Colbert Report.

* Michelle understands Carl Sagan (AND has the YouTube video with him and Stephen Hawking, who is one of my all-time heroes), and she drew this:

The Exhaustion of Truth by *DanceswithElvis on deviantART
I'm pretty sure she's a wizard. A pirate wizard. From the future.

Freakangels Friday
* It is Friday, ergo FREAKANGELS, yes? No. Because book 3 ended last week, and even a god as old and powerful as Warren Ellis needs to rest from time to time, and we all need a break before book 4 begins, and maybe Karl will be OK, yeah?
Anyway. I demand this signed copy of Book 3, because I think the cover so freaking sweet:

[Found at Comic Cavalcade]
I also unabashedly lust after this journal, and since Mr. Ellis is benevolent enough to provide us with this comic free of charge, we must buy these products. I do. I have a bag. Maybe I'll post pictures on my ElleVee blog (SHAMELESS PROMOTION!).
I'm not done with my first cup of coffee, and there's no FREAKANGELS. Are you sure it's Friday?

Epic!Fail
* Oh, Ralph Lauren, you just don't want ANYONE to like you, do you? You take a beautiful, sexy woman, Photoshop the shit out of her until she looks like a freak cartoon character, and fire her for being too fat. I don't even need to say anything on that. You think this woman:

is FAT. So you made her look like a bobble head.
You scare me, Mr. Lauren. I never bought your clothes because they're too expensive and not my style, but I am not buying them with PASSION now.
This is the best article on the whole debacle, and also has ushered in my new favorite model, Crystal Renn:

That chick is a BAMF.
In conclusion, Mr. Ralph Lauren, your shirts are stupid and ugly.

WTF, INTERNET?
* How many products exist out there for people who are too lazy to wipe their own ass?

If you are disabled, or actually UNABLE to perform these tasks, that is FINE. But if you are just a crazy, lazy bastard, then I am rolling my eyes so hard I may have caused permanent injury.
You go to the bathroom, you wipe your ass, YOU MOVE ON. THERE SHOULD NOT BE ANY SORT OF DISCUSSION ON THIS TOPIC. I HATE THAT I HAVE TO HAVE AN OPINION ON ASS-WIPING.
And the comparison with a back-scrubber upset me. And if you're somehow getting FECES everywhere whenever you go to the bathroom, YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING WRONG.
Christ, sometimes I despise the internet. Just go get a goddamn bidet. Those are funny.

Girly Shit
* I am almost 100% sure that I would fall down and die an embarrassing death if I tries to walk in these heels:

[Found at Style]
I don't know if I even want them. They're fairly ugly. But they are shiny and green, and like a magpie I am drawn to the shiny. And I sort of can't shake the suspicion that if I pressed my thumb against the shoe's surface, it would change colors with my body heat.
Do they MAKE heels like that?

Daily Hot Guy

[Jayne Cobb from Firefly. I know he's really Adam Baldwin, but I cannot see him as anyone but Jayne. He's Jayne, OK? He's the hero from Canton! Fuck me, now I really need to watch Firefly again. Did you know Jayne had a crush on Kaylee? Let's just talk about Firefly for a while. What's your favorite episode? Requested by Kristamaru, who found Serenity, but keeps the sky from me, because she doesn't like to share.]

Music
* I love this video for the Muse song 'Uprising.' I love pretty much everything affiliated with Muse. I remember I first heard them a few years back, when my uncle gave me a CD of one of their live shows. EPIC WIN.


WhedonVerse
* This is a good news/bad news situation for those of us seriously looking forward to Cabin In The Woods:
Bad News: The movie has been movie to January of 2011, which is so far in the future I don't know if my Google Calendar can process it! (It can. I just checked).
Good News: It's being pushed back so they can make it a 3-D movie.
My Opinion: I don't care if it's in 3-D, but since I have no SAY in the matter, I will be excited about it and look forward to the 3-D gorefest.
They should make more posters, though. I need those.

Technology
* Could someone explain what the fuck Google Wave is? Because I keep hearing about it, so it's begun to aggravate me, but I'm far too lazy to find out what it is on my own, and whenever I have made a half-assed attempt to find it, I end up on some page where people much more technologically gifted than me discuss its specs.
So, what is it? And should I care?

Art
* This is fucking upsetting. It almost went under WTF, INTERNET, but you can't BUY it, which is the WTF qualification, in general. Warning: This is horrible and weird. Even if it is a hoax.
This dude made an art project. It is a long, wooden tunnel, that gets progressively smaller, more cramped, and more uncomfortable as you crawl through it. When you finally squeeze out at the end, HE TRIES TO RAPE YOU:

I've constructed a 22 ft tunnel out of plywood that leads into the project room. There is no way in or out of the project room except for this tunnel. As you travel through the tunnel, it gets smaller and smaller, making it so that you have to crawl and put yourself in a submissive position in order to reach the tunnel's destination. At the end of the tunnel the subject will find me waiting in the project room and I'll try to the best of my ability to overpower and rape the person who crawls through.

Yes, it all turned out to be an elaborate bullshit thing, to make a 'point,' which aggravates me on SO MANY LEVELS, but that is NOT THE POINT. Why would you even THINK of this? Who thinks, 'well, for art, I'm going to do me some RAPING.'
I couldn't find out whether his PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE TUNNEL was also bullshit, but it's too insane NOT to talk about. This was just like the rape tunnel, only instead of raping you at the end, he'd punch you in the face. Subtle:

As it turns out, I ended up breaking the nose of the third person to crawl through the tunnel, an aspiring model. She went to the hospital and eventually sued me. Her modeling career was put on hold. The civil case was long and drawn out and the matter still hasn’t been resolved. To this day she still has unpaid medical bills. The point of this long aside is that all this took place two years ago, and I’m still having an impact on this young lady’s life, something not many other artists could claim about their work

Rape seemed like the next logical step.

RAPE IS NEVER THE NEXT LOGICAL STEP. The only 'dialogue' this has created is A) some people are fucking hideous, B) I miss the days when art was just nice drawings and sculptures, and didn't involve VIOLENCE, and C) there is no point to this sort of art, it's just masturbatory idiocy, and to use one of my favorite quotes, 'Just because no one understands you, doesn't make you an artist.'

Comics
* So I need to play Arkham Asylum, because it will teach me stuff I need to know for my life, and you all know how I like learning:

If you're a thug and you're in a situation where it looks like you and some other thugs might be able to gang up on Batman, don't do it.
Just walk away.

Is there a Mac compatible version of Arkham Asylum? Why are you all laughing?

Tattoo Of Win
* Would you take $15,000 to have a website address permanently tattooed on your forehead?

[Found at Business Ideas]
This chick did. And more people have advertising tattoos. I remember No Fear.

OK, enough for now.
- LV

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If I Had Learned How To Laugh As A Child I Would Right Now.

Blog
* Some people's childhoods should remain a closed book. Title is from Psych.

FREAKANGELS FRIDAY
* It is Friday, and it is raining, which is totally appropriate, since it's sort of like Whitechapel, only without the flooding and the AWESOME, and you know, the death. We frown upon such actions. I will wait until I post the blog entry to read it, because otherwise I will spend the whole entry yelling about Karl, and no one wants that.

Technology
* I want a clock that runs on water:

[Found at Incredible Things]
No reason. I just want to be that cool girl with a water-powered clock.

Heroes
* I STILL have failed to watch this weeks' Heroes, but I WILL, HONEST, before next week. But here's an interview with the earth-mover dude and the knife dude. Tattoo chick freaks me out. Still love Sylar.

Nostalgia!Win
* Who else remembers Monsterpiece Theatre on Sesame Street?

Best thing ever, right? Sesame Street has the best spoofs ever. TRUFAX.

Daily Hot Guy

[James Marsters. You could cut GLASS on his cheekbones.

Steampunk
* I want this console:

Fridays are apparently the days I list the things I want, for no good reason. I mean, do I NEED this? Of course not. But I kind of do.

Journalism
* Here is a list of the most controversial magazine covers. And here's one:

[Found at Neatorama]
I never thought they were going to kill the dog, you know. I mean, between the time it takes to take a picture of the dog, and release the magazine, the gun-holder would have had to put down the weapon. Or the dog was already long dead. What? Let's be logical about this.

Art
* M.C. Escher is one of my favorite artists of all time. I saw his drawings in grade school, and they blew my mind. The hands drawing each other? Profound. Here's the most popular one out there:

[Found at Mental Floss]
Here's some factoids on the brilliant artist, and a bunch of links. I want a print of Escher's work now. Everyone should have at least one.

And I promise not to say, 'Factoids' ever again.

Comics
* Josh of Comics Curmudgeon is so brilliantly and consistently funny that I am now actively hoping Family Circus lasts forever. And Marvin is one twisted comic:

After starting off the week berating his mother for her sexually provocative clothing, Giant Fantasy Marvin-Monster has moved on to engaging in some sort of ritual humiliation-based bath-time play with his father. My point is, we need to start doing research to see what changes in international law are required to put this comic strip on trial for war crimes.

Tattoo Of Win
* The original Tattoo Of Win was so disgusting and hideous that I actually decided NOT to post OR link to it. It was that bad. Let's not talk about it any further. Instead, let's all be puzzled over a banana in a shoe:

[Found at LOLTATZ]

Words Of Win

[Found at Indexed]

Food
* These, my friends, are brownies stuffed with vanilla ice cream that has raspberries and blueberries in it:

[Found at This Is Why You're Fat]
See? Sometimes this category is nice!

I think I need to go find myself some of those brownie sandwiches now. Spoilers for this weeks' FREAKANGELS below my signature.
- LV

WARNING: SPOILERS FOR THIS WEEKS' FREAKANGELS BELOW:
I bet that's Mark behind Kait. And Karl lives! This has really just become The Ongoing Saga Of If/When LV's favorite character will bite the big one. Jack is kind of awesome. And Kait is obsessed. She watched too much TV as a child. See what it does to people?

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My Lifeless Remains Cannot Sue The City?

Blog
* Mine can. They totally can. TRUFAX. My lifeless remains have powers. I think I have officially grown beyond the powers of caffeine. I weep. Title is from Castle (he really is ruggedly handsome).

* Dammit Michelle, stop posting images of things that need to be mine! I am going to be a pirate on her ship. And we shall be feared. Oh, how we shall be feared! And the art she's working on is gorgeous. I know these things.

* The itty bitty kitty cupcake is happy to see me!

[Drawn by Erin]
The question is, honestly, do I hug it or eat it? DAMN its survival techniques. It's so cute. Or maybe it's like the cow in The Restaurant at the End of the Universe and WANTS me to eat it? But.... it is a kitty! I want to eat it. No, I don't. I'm really confused. I think I'll just pet it and go away now.

* So I am late to the Supernatural party, but I am bringing the booze and drugs, if I am allowed to stretch the metaphor. I have two people to thank for this (because, really, I needed another fandom. Yeah, definitely) and Megan is one of them. She also has the best cache of Jackie Earle Haley pictures ever. I should steal them. FOR SCIENCE. No, I'm lying. Science has nothing to do with it. Nothing at all.

* Theresa points out how The Last Unicorn traumatized all of us. Which it did. She's wrong about The Goonies, although trauma might explain why I still love Corey Feldman and endorse his increasingly questionable life choices. I think I need to go make a special harpy mace now. Scariest scene ever.

Freakangels Friday
* Huzzah! It is still raining in Whitechapel, shit is going DOWN, I want to be a steampunk, and Mr. Ellis, who just tweeted about his crotch-scratching adventures (truth!) has blessed us undeserving FOOLS with another entry of the greatest webcomic ever, FREAKANGELS. That may be an exaggeration. MAYBE. I admit to nothing. I think I could be KK for Halloween, only nobody would recognize me, and it would end up like that now-infamous Halloween party where I made the hostess cry. Which no one needs. Anyway, I will read the comic AFTER I post this entry, so spoilers will be below by signature. I made a FREAKANGELS shirt. What did you do to appease the Ellis god?

Scary
* This is all Megan's fault. This whole category can be blamed on her. She showed me this video, and I had so many fucking nightmares about Hubert Cumberdale. I'd seen it before, but I had BLOCKED it, because of the trauma. Also, 'You taste like sunshine dust' is the scariest thing ever, except for the line about red water. I'm scared again:


Dollhouse
* It really does puzzle me, how the random placement of categories ends up with shows being discussed on the dates they air. This blog is a magical place. Moving on, did Dollhouse redefine science fiction success? I think that's too broad a question. I mean, you need to count in the Joss Factor, as I just decided it will be called. He has devoted fans. Scary devoted. As we should be, because he is brilliant and I love him. Even if he does give us nothing back but PAIN.

But Dollhouse is not getting good ratings, because most people go out on Fridays. Personally I think Fox renewed because they didn't want to deal with the madness and fan hysteria that surrounded the cancelation of Firefly (Note: Firefly was a better show, in the few episodes it had, than Dollhouse's first few episodes, although Epitaph One may be one of the best Whedon episodes of any show, and I frankly think a lot of the panic over Dollhouse was more in principle than based on the show love (until Topher got super-awesome and Alpha Wash showed up, of course, and then the show got AMAZINGLY good).

Anyway, this is my usual plea for you all to watch the show, because A) Alpha Wash, B) the scene where Topher and Whiskey had their little 'discussion' was hot and sad and I hope one or both of them cracks (although if Topher dies, as I have predicted because I am a cloud of negativity and DOOM, you will all have to comfort me with money and clothes) C) there needs to always be a show by Joss Whedon on TV, D) Due to Twitter conversations with remains, I am holding out hope for an Alpha Wash spinoff costarring Neil Patrick Harris, with cooking by Zachary Quinto as Sylar. Yes, the internet is AWESOME.

Epic!Fail
* This is not a funny category today. This makes me genuinely angry and sick. Two radio DJs encouraged violence against transgender children. Now I want to speak carefully here, because while encouraging violence against anyone for who they are is deeply fucked up, that's not specifically what I'm getting into.

These guys are encouraging violence against children. Children who, if they are transgendered (these DJs seem to put any male that doesn't fit the very narrow stereotype of masculinity in this category) are already dealing with a myriad of personal and emotional issues). The level of hostility is TERRIFYING:

For his part, States bragged that if his own son were to ever dare put on a pair of high heels, States would beat his son with one of his own shoes. He urged parents whose own little boys expressed a desire to wear a dress to verbally abuse and degrade them as a viable response.

This goes beyond personally/morally disagreeing with someone else's way of life. You don't have to like how someone else lives, who they are. It would be nice if people didn't hate other people because of the way they are born, but it's unlikely to change any time soon.

But encouraging violence against transgendered people - children in particular - is sick. I have friends who are transgendered. Coming to terms with that on their own was an incredibly difficult experience, and they have my admiration and awe for their courage. But some of them had to deal with violence, verbal and physical. When they were in middle school and high school. And not just from their classmates.

Look, bottom line: you don't have to 'approve' of transgendered people. Hell, you don't have to approve that I'm a girl, or that Lance Bass is gay. Your approval doesn't change who people are. But encouraging violence against people who are different - KIDS who are different - is sick.

As if high school doesn't suck enough.

We now return to general randomness.

Books
* I don't need a sequel to the Winnie The Pooh books. You can have one, if you want. I mean, I won't read it (and we don't need some damn otter in our woods, THANK YOU VERY MUCH), but you can.

And Pooh does not have OCD. Shut up. Stop analyzing my childhood loves.

Daily Hot Guy

[Nathan Fillion, AKA Richard Castle, AKA Mal Reynolds, AKA Captain Hammer. The hammer is his penis. Requested by Kaishabackwards, who is working on her terrible death whinny.]

Childhood!Fail

see more Fail Blog

Torchwood
* Here's another article on how Torchwood is getting a fourth season, but will Ianto fans watch, after Russell T. Davies CHEWED ON OUR SOULS LIKE SWEET SWEET CARAMELS?
For my part, yes, I will probably watch an episode or two to see what happens. I won't be happy about it, and will probably scream at whoever is with me, 'THIS WOULD BE BETTER WITH IANTO. THEIR COFFEE WILL SUCK FOREVER NOW!' and other such nonsense. But I'm interested in what they do. And I really do like John Barrowman. It's not his fault that the creator of Torchwood hates sexy Welsh coffee boys.

Um, Blogger keeps sending me an error message when I try to add more labels, and I'm getting scared that it will soon not let me post this AT ALL, so I think I'm just going to go read Freakangels now. Spoilers below my signature.
- LV

WARNING: Spoilers for this weeks' FREAKANGELS Below
This would have been a very exciting week, if I gave a shit about KK. I know, I'm a bitch. But I have decided that I only care about Arkady and Karl, and I will not compromise on this. At least we finally GOT some Arkady. It's been all Kait and Luke and Kirk. BRING ON ARKADY AND KARL. AND LET THEM LIVE.

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