You're Always Saying Pansy Stuff Like That.

Blog
* You do have a habit of saying the 'pansy stuff,' Sam. Truth hurts. Title is from Supernatural.

Girly Shit
* This was not the first thing I needed to see Monday morning:

[Found at Shoe Lust]
I... it's too early. Do I want this shoe? Do I hate this shoe? Are parts of this shoe edible? It's too damn early.

Music
* I have had this song stuck in my head for two days now, and I don't even LIKE Beyonce:

It's starting to drive me insane. Or, more insane.

Movie!Fail
* They're making a Scream 4. I need to know why. Scream 3 sucked so bad it physically hurt. Scream 2 was a fun, stupid sequel, and Scream made me terrified of plate glass windows and phones. Scream 4 will no doubt destroy society, cause California to sink into the ocean, and mark the End Times.

And don't even get me started on An American Werewolf in London redux, because I WILL BREAK THE INTERNET WITH MY ANGER. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS? DO NOT REMAKE THIS MOVIE.

Comics
* Dear Marvel Smartass:
You rock.
Love, FEAR AND LOATHING

Books
* How awesome is this? It's a letter from Kurt Vonnegut, after he was a POW in Germany. I love and miss Kurt Vonnegut. He was a genius. I want to reread Breakfast of Champions.

Food!Win
* DUDE, THIS IS BIGGER THAN MY HEAD:

[Found at This Is Why You're Fat]

Donkey: You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "Hell no, I don't like no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious.
Shrek: No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Ogres are like onions! End of story. Bye-bye. See ya later.

Specifically, is is a cheesecake parfait, but there aren't any funny quotes about that.

Daily Hot Guy

[Chris Barrie, AKA Rimmer from Red Dwarf, very muddy and on the left, shown here in Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, which is either very funny, or very sad, but I will always love him for yelling, 'SMEGHEAD' and kicking Death in the nuts. How could I not?]

Moment Of Win

see more Epic Fails

Words Of Win

[Found at Unique Daily]

Torchwood
* I need this action figure, and I will take NO MOCKERY for this fact:

[Found at Discount Anime Toys]
IT'S IANTO JONES, BITCHES.

People I Love
* NEIL PATRICK HARRIS ON SESAME STREET:

NEIL PATRICK HARRIS ON SESAME STREET. *cue epic arm!flail of JOY*

Seriously, my face HURTS from grinning.

OK, it's a rainy Monday, and frankly it should be spent sleeping and watching bad movies. But some of us have work. LIFE IS HARD.
- LV

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You Haven't Seen My Drawer Of Inappropriate Starches?

Blog
* Reason number infinity why I love Topher in all his demented, bizarre glory. Title is from Dollhouse.

Torchwood
* This may be the funniest and most accurate piece ever written on Torchwood:

As you will find out, Torchwood is explosions and fucking. This makes it the best damn show ever.

And

Ianto Jones- Has sex with Jack and makes tea. He also shot Owen.

And

Captain Jack Harkness- Has fucked everybody ever. Also he can't die. This is probably important.

The whole thing is brilliant and hilarious and ACCURATE, and I may be getting ready to watch Children of the Earth again.

People I Love
* So I really do adore Eli Roth, despite (or because of) his inherent douchery. He seems like a fun, sexy asshole. We need more of those. And I loved Cabin Fever, even though the Hostel movies make me angry and sad and very uncomfortable, because frankly I don't LIKE watching people get tortured to death.
Anyway, this explains a lot:

Horror movie director Eli Roth has revealed that he once worked as a sex chat room operator, posing as a woman.

It all makes sense now.

TeeVee
* I miss The X-Files (in particular Fox Mulder, who I had a truly unhinged love for, his addiction to porn notwithstanding, and his sunflower seeds, and.... what were we talking about?) and each week I was almost invariably scared out of my shit, and would spend the rest of the week sobbing myself to sleep because multi-fingered blind kids were going to walk up my street and die, or eat each other, or something.

But there were some funny episodes, that kept my panic levels down, and here are the funniest, for your edification.

Awesome
* Bananas are good. Now you can save bananas with this clip, and I know it's a goddamn clip, but for some reason I find it to be unvbelievably clever, and I want one.

[Found at Boing Boing]
Really, this amazes me. It's SO SIMPLE AND BRILLIANT. Now I want a banana. And a sonic screwdriver.

Movie!Win
I am going to see Kick-Ass, and I refuse to apologize for this, because it looks fun and entertaining and cool people shoot shit, and I am EASILY PLEASED BY SUCH THINGS. Also the trailer is awesome:

Found by ThatRevChap, who has secret internet powers, so be nice to him or he'll destroy us all. He totally could. He's English.

Daily Hot Guy

[Seth Green, who could fit in most people's pocket, but not mine, because I am tiny, so we are a perfect match. He's hot. Leave me alone.]

Wow
* Do these remind anyone else of Monty Python?

[Found at Unique Daily]
Please tell me I'm not alone in this. I'm scared. WTF, JAPAN?

Animals
* Am I the only one who would totally watch a kids' movie about Snowball, the Overweight Hedgehog?

[Found at The Daily Mail]
I think not. He is a fat little hedgehog, and I want to poke his belly!

Tattoo Of Win

[Found by BenjaminBarnes, finder of goodness]

Movie!Fail
* Can we as a species agree to no more Transformers movies? PLEASE? Look what it's doing to Topless Robot!

Fourth but not least, I can't imagine Michael Bay not casting Fox in TF3. He's such a hack that he'd never let anything like that get in the way of making a jillion-dollar movie. He's never cared about anything like that before. If suddenly Michael Bay's "dignity" is such that he can't work with Megan Fox, after selling out HARDER THAN ANYONE ELSE EVER HAS IN THE HISTORY OF EVER AND NEVER MORE PROMINENTLY THAN IN TRANSFORMERS WITH ITS RACIST GMC CARS AND LG PHONES AND PEANUTS AND COUNTLESS OTHER BULLSHIT I WILL KILL HIM. I WILL KILL MICHAEL BAY FOR HIS HYPOCRISY AND I WILL WEAR HIS SKIN.

Although a Michael Bay wardrobe would be funny, right?

WTF, INTERNET?
* And it's a rare NSFW WTF, INTERNET. It's a thing for people who want to enjoy alone-time happiness, called a vibrator. Only unlike most others out there, this one is made from recycled materials, and you have to hand-crank it for 4 minutes to make it work for 30.
Now, CARPAL TUNNEL SYNDROME DOES NOT MAKE FOR SEXY TIMES. And by the time you're done cranking that freaking thing (and how does one FEEL, I wonder, cranking a vibrator?) you're so tired and frustrated and out of sorts that you just want to go to sleep and be left alone, and WHO IS INVENTING THIS CRAP, AND HOW DO WE GET THEM TO STOP?

Girly Shit
* As someone who loves Lady Gaga, I have a high threshold for strange fashion choices (I also have bright red hair, but that's another story). But even I find this dress worn by Rihanna repulsive and uncomfortable, and do not want it to catch on, OK?

[Found at World Of Wonder]
THERE IS SO MUCH WRONG WITH THIS DRESS. IT LOOKS COLD AND ITCHY AND HAS STRANGE OPENINGS, AND THE PATTERN IS FREAKISH, and I really do like her hair, but THAT IS IRRELEVANT WHEN FACED WITH THIS DRESS. WHO SUGGESTED THIS OUTFIT? IT'S THE SAME PERSON WHO GIVES US HAND-CRANKED SEX TOYS, ISN'T IT?

Pictures from stuff I bought will appear later, because I am promoting the shit out of nice people I know who sell things. AND I GOT MAKEUP AND CUTE SHIRTS. YAY ME.
- LV

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NOD! Nod At What I Am Saying Or I Will Shoot!

Blog
* See, this is why I can't go to court. Because this seems a good way to convince the jury. Title is from Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law.

* If you want to know about books, you read Irish's blog. She writes thoughtful reviews, tells you about fun contests, and knows her SHIT. She's also scary smart and funny, but that almost goes without saying.

I remember when I had time to read, before the internet and work and friends and my attention span shrank to the size of a dime. Good times, good times.

Daily Buy
* I already wrote, in my other blog, about how unfair it is that being a girl seems to negate your ability to receive action figures for Christmas, and how I do indeed want designer clothes and makeup, and yarn, and Doctor Who DVDs, and action figures, and a goat.
So let me just say that I desperately need this Hot Toys' Joker:

[Found at Amazon]
It costs $134.59, and belongs in my life. Thank you.

Holiday!Fail
* There is so much wrong with this picture. So, so much.....

[Found at Santa, No!]
I can't even... his face.... the candle.... what sort of music is ON this CD?

Politics
* Is this happening today? Or was it last week? I have no sense of time anymore. I always assume there is an extra week in December, and there ISN'T, which wreaks havoc on my schedule. Anyway, it seems that teabaggers were/are going to go into Senate offices and pretend to fall down dead, to prove a point of massive importance. I don't know why. Because healthcare is bad? Oh, because government healthcare is bad. OK. Well. Um. I somehow suspect that pretending to fall down dead in a Senator's office will not increase the validity of the teabagger movement. Just a thought.

* Because a lot of people give a shit about Tiger Woods and his harem of women-sex-pals and the whole debacle, even though I am not among them and would rather stop hearing about it, but what I want doesn't matter to the media, because there would be a WHOLE CHANNEL devoted exclusively to Arrested Development, Firefly, and all the other shows I love that got cancelled prematurely. What were we talking about? Oh, yes, well, the International Society of Supervillians looks at the CNN coverage of Tiger Woods, and journalistic integrity is already dead, so let's just enjoy the drama of the man who hits tiny balls with a stick!

Epic!Fail
* So, once upon a time a woman, let's call her Leslie, attends her sister's surprise birthday party. Leslie's sister and her friends are in the theater watching New Moon, when all the friends start singing 'Happy Birthday,' thrilling Leslie's sister at their thoughtful gesture.

Unsurprisingly, Leslie wants to record this, and videotapes the event for posterity. It comes to about four minutes of footage.

This, however, is a bit shocking:

Meanwhile, 22-year-old Samantha Tumpach spent two nights in jail for recording her friends singing "Happy Birthday" at a movie theater, for capturing less than four minutes of a feature film. She is charged with a felony and if convicted, could lose the right to vote, to work with children, to hold office, and to partake in full civil life.

Really, universe? The girl caught four minutes of a movie on camera, and it's a FELONY? I mean, people are murdering and stealing and committing terrible, terrible crimes, and THIS is what we're freaking out about? TWO NIGHTS IN JAIL?

Have we as a nation become so demented that this seems like a LOGICAL RESPONSE?

Yes, yes, the charges have since been dropped, but the point is that THEY WERE MADE. THIS IS CRAZED. This girl wasn't some fan trying to get a bootleg copy of the movie. THE MOVIE WAS INCIDENTAL. WHY IS THIS SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND?

Technology
* If you follow me on Twitter, you probably know that I love getting presents almost as much as I love giving them. And with Christmas but a few days away, my bitter little atheist heart is melted a bit by upcoming festivities, foods, family, and free stuff.

On the downside, I start to get into a mental state where I want everything I see online, all the while cheerfully admitting I have no clue as to what it is.

This is one such item:

[Found at The World's Best Ever]
It's a sidecar, thing, and it's red and it goes fast, and maybe if I learn to ride it without dying I can meet Tony Stark? Also it's French. I don't know. But I need one.

Books
* Sheepterror, who I defer to on all things Torchwood related, because she is a GENIUS, and just generally cool, shared this link of comic book artists illustrating their favorite science fiction authors. He's not a science fiction author, but this may be my favorite, for obvious reasons:

[Found at Wired]
I really do need to get a Hunter S. Thompson tattoo of some sort. Not this, but something. AND it's drawn by Ben Templesmith, which makes it even BETTER. This picture also made me very happy:

[Found at Wired]
I love Jorge Luis Borges. HARDCORE. I'd really recommend his short fiction if you've never read his work. You're missing out. Trippy as hell. Like a mix of Gabriel Garcia Marquez and H.P. Lovecraft, but uniquely its own work as well.

Daily Hot Guy

[Matt Damon. He is HOT. And wicked smart, and he's charming and funny and from BOSTON, which is currently my favorite city in America. AND he's going to be Jason Bourne again, and maybe it won't suck, no?]

Nostalgia!Win
* I am a child of the nineties (untrue, technically. I was born in the 80s, but since I had limited motor skills and don't remember jack shit, so I qualify myself as a nineties kid, since I can RECALL the nineties), but I remember most of these arcade games from the Jersey Shore arcade, and I think these totally fucked up games sum up my generation, and the one right before me, amazingly well. DOES ANYONE ELSE REMEMBER ANTEATER?


Torchwood
* Speaking of Torchwood, and Gareth David-Lloyd, Miss Laroux sent me this video, in which Mr. David-Lloyd discusses, um, fisting. No, really:

HE SAYS SWEARS AND THEY SOUND CLASSY, CUZ WELSH ACCENTS MAKE EVERYTHING DAMN CLASSY.

People I Love
* I love Leonard Cohen, even AFTER the Sex Scene of Uncomfortable Laughing And Sneezy-Looking 'O' Face And Please Tell Me It Was Supposed To Be Funny, Mr. Snyder that it played over in Watchmen. I clearly still have serious problems with that part of the film.

Moving on, Leonard Cohen invented a drink, called The Red Needle, and I think I should partake of it whilst listening to some of his music, which is lovely.

Movie!Fail
* I genuinely like many of Gus Van Sant's movies. I think My Own Private Idaho was beautiful, and Good Will Hunting and Drugstore Cowboy and Milk are all very well done and lovely. And To Die For is criminally underrated.

I used to be a big fan of Bret Easton Ellis, although now I suspect his books are better as movies, and that American Psycho is sort of rubbish in literary form, and that while the first half of Glamorama is a shockingly funny and entertaining look at celebrity, the second half is utterly tiresome shock-attempting bullshit.

But these two are making a movie together, and it is going to be, without a shadow of a doubt, the most pretentious piece of cinema ever to be forced upon a terrified public.

Today is the first day of Christmas vacation, and I have a lot of NOTHING to accomplish. I may be inordinately excited about this.
- LV

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Who Was Murdered, & Was It Gruesome?

Blog
* Richard Castle, sensitivity counselor. Title is from Castle.

* Patience found further proof that I am supposed to be living in England, RIGHT NOW:

I WILL GET FREE CAR INSURANCE. OMIGOD.

Books
* Here's a list of classic occult books. These are not 'OMIGOD I saw The Craft and I am a witch now!' books. These are the real shit, the history and theory behind these beliefs. Very interesting. I want to read about alchemy. I need to make a gold puppy for one of my friends.

Nostalgia!Win
* Say what you will, toys were way more ass-kicking back in the day, especially slime-based toys:

[Found at Topless Robot]
I HAD THIS. And it stained all my clothes, and my parents despised it, which made me love it even more. I would pretend Slimer was my pet, and I had to find him. It was the most fun. Now they just have freaking computerized shit. NO SLIME AT ALL.

But where's the Gak? I would pretend Gak was my alien pet from the My Teacher Is An Alien book series. I had the best childhood. CAN YOU STILL BUY GAK?

Torchwood
* Larissa sent me this right before I fell asleep the other night:

Yeah, I was awake for a long time.

People I Love
* It's so easy to make fun of someone who asks a stupid question. This person, however, surpasses that:

[Found at Geekologie]
I love this person. I salute you, Yahoo! Answers Dude. You are my Hero of The Day.

Daily Hot Guy

[Zachary Quinto. Insert stupid and juvenile but totally accurate 'mind meld' joke.]

Stuff To Live
* File this under, 'LV didn't read the whole article because the product is shiny and violent and tiny, and these things win her over completely, and it kills you at specific times, maybe.'

[Found at Crunch Gear]
It's teeny tiny! I'm amused!

Fandom
* Guys, this is NOT OK:

d'Armond Speers spoke only Klingon to his child for the first three years of its life.

Klingon? Not Spanish, French, Mandarin? Not some gutteral genuflecting concoction from the deepest recesses of Borneo? Klingon? ...

"I was interested in the question of whether my son, going through his first language acquisition process, would acquire it like any human language," Speers told the Minnesota Daily. "He was definitely starting to learn it."

HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE STAR TREK. THAT MAKES IT EVEN WORSE. This isn't some deranged fan who thinks that the Klingons are totally coming to visit and are going to need an ambassador when they show up. THIS IS JUST TWEAKED. Poor kid. I hope the kid sues the fuck out of his dad when he gets old enough, then sells the rights to the story. He might be able to pay for his therapy at that point.

PS. Did you know some people translate Shakespeare into Klingon? That's sort of awesome. BECAUSE IT'S NOT FUCKING WITH KIDS. DO YOU SEE THE DIFFERENCE. I need more coffee.

Movie!Fail
* The Green Lantern movie is going to be the death of my faith in comic movies. YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST.

TeeVee
* I still hate Sex & The City (post-traumatic stress disorder, I'll explain at another time), but I absolutely agree with everything this blog says about Charlotte vs. Carrie. CARRIE CAN SUCK IT. SHE FAILS AT EVERYTHING.

Words Of Win

[Found at AutoComplete Me by the epic Dan Faust]

ONLY.... some shopping days until Christmas. I'mma go work on my list.
- LV

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Good News, Everyone! There's A Report On TV With Some Very Bad News!

Blog
* It's nice that he can see the positive side, right? Even though we're all doomed? Title is from Futurama.

Apocalypse How?
* The internet. Our flicker god of porn and wisdom. Apparently, internet addiction is like drug addiction, which means people who SHOOT YOU for a fix, so one day when SkyNet destroys the internet and none of us can play FarmVille, the world will erupt into a howling vortex of violence and crazed people making the Dial-Up noise as they slaughter people. TRUTH.

Books
* 2010 can't come fast enough:

[Found at ISS]
I want to send a copy to Dr. Horrible. Maybe he'll spare me then.

Nostalgia!Win
* I loved Rainbow Brite as a child. Loved her, wanted her horsey with the pretty hair, and her power to make rainbows, which when your six seems pretty useful in daily life. But they've redone it, for reasons beyond me, but to be honest I'm sort of OK with it:

[Found at Topless Robot]
She's not MY Rainbow Brite, obviously, but you know what? She doesn't look like a transvestite hooker, and she's fully clothed, and that's ALL I can expect from the media anymore.
On the other hand...


Torchwood
* Have you been watching Girl Number 9? Gareth David-Lloyd is in it. And it's sort of fantastic, and we're up to webisode four.

Daily Hot Guy

[Gareth David-Lloyd, AKA Ianto Jones from Torchwood, AKA THE HOTTEST OF THE WELSHMEN and I still can't talk about Children of the Earth, guys, but it's OK, because he'll be Watson in an undoubtedly SUCKISH Sherlock Holmes adaptation, and I am fine with that.]

People I Love
* Don't read this article. Really. It is BLASPHEMY, because EVERY PIECE OF WORK BY BRUCE CAMPBELL IS ESSENTIAL. All of them. EVEN his 3 seconds in Fargo. So don't read this article. DON'T CLICK THE LINK. IT OFFENDS THE CHIN.

Stuff To Live
* PAC-MAN LIGHTS:

[Found at Like Cool]
OM NOM NOM. DO WANT.

Fandom
* This is for all my friends who play World of Warcraft (you know who you are). It's the Tankard O'Terror, and you can buy it and drink from it, and then slaughter your enemies.

[Found at Geekologie]
I would buy this for my friends, if I had money, because it's that cool. It's four pounds of WIN. RAISE THE TANKARD TO THE SKY.

Sorry for the shortish entry. Running late, and have decided I have Hamthrax. Whether I do or not is irrelevant.
- LV

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If You Type 'Google' Into Google, You Can Break The Internet.

Blog
* This is true. Except for the lies. Title is from The It Crowd.

* How did I not know there was an X-Men/Star Trek crossover comic? Something that freaking weird needs to be in my life. Good thing I have Theresa and her comic blog to show me Spock and Wolverine. I love that last sentence. It's delightfully geeky.

* Yet another reason I shouldn't write this blog while having breakfast:

[Drawn by Erin]
Now I'm nervously watching my egg. This is going to end badly, isn't it? Most sinister egg EVER. That is the Moriarty of eggs.

Torchwood
* I have to admit, I didn't watch this video again before I posted it. Because it makes me cry, and that is embarrassing for SO MANY reasons, because Children of the Earth happened MONTHS ago, and it's fiction, and I need to move on with my Torchwood rage:

Ianto wouldn't make me drink coffee without sugar. Just saying.

Inglourious Basterds
* Have I posted this video before? Of Quentin Tarantino's top movies since 1992? Probably, but I like it, and it's funny and interesting, and I don't care. So I'm going to post it again, and you'll all enjoy it, because it's Quentin Tarantino (NOTE: Those of you who dislike Tarantino probably won't enjoy it. No sense in lying to you):


Star Trek
* This is the best, most accurate list of the best to worst Star Trek movies. Wrath of Khan will always be the best. Deal with it. And First Contact was freaking amazing, especially with Data being all badass and scamming on the Borg Queen. And Insurrection sucked. But my least favorite movie is still The Motion Picture. Did you see that film? Even as a little kid, I was like, 'Damn, that us sub-par filmmaking.'

And I'm glad they didn't include the new Star Trek reboot on this list, because I dearly love it, and don't want to have to put it above or below the 'classic' movies. Note: The last two Next Generation movies are not classics. Sorry.

People I Love
* Speaking of Spock (HA, almost alliteration), I'm sure you've all seen the video Hostage: A Love Story, featuring Zachary Quinto. It's one of the best things ever. My favorite scenes are:
1. When Zachary Quinto yells at his penis, and
2. When Zachary Quinto yells at the drooling baby.

HOSTAGE: A Love Story with Zachary Quinto from Zachary Quinto

It's so freaking funny. Heroes should include a plotline where Sylar yells at his crotch. It would be funny.

Daily Hot Guy

[Jonathan Rhys-Meyers, who is very pretty, but not my type, in part because in pictures he tends to have Crazy Eyes. I saw this picture and yelled, 'KING HENRY DID NOT LOOK LIKE THAT. HISTORICAL INNACURACY.' I know nobody else cares. Requested by Lindragon, whose history book is filled with strangely attractive royalty.

Fandom
* It's so funny, I was JUST discussing Lord of the Rings on Twitter. Not like this. NEVER like this. Treebeard would NEVER do this to Bill the pony. Who would IMAGINE doing this to Bill the pony? I'm crying, on the inside. Megan, don't read this. Seriously. You will NOT be OK. I'm not OK. I'm going to go reread the books, and pretend this atrocity never took place.

Stuff To Live
* This is a toilet paper/tissue holder. I think it's pretty:

[Found at Incredible Things]
That's it. I just like it. Aren't they cool?

Writing
* I love onomatopoeia. In part because I can spell it. Actually, that may be the only reason I love that word. I also like tasers:

[Found at Indexed]

Movie!Fail
* Reasons I will not be excited about the Ridley Scott vampire movie: I hated Gladiator. I'm sorry. No, I'm not, really. It was like Braveheart, only worse (I wasn't crazy about Braveheart), and it was stupid, and deserved NO Oscar nominations. And I love Ridley Scott, but he is not a consistently non-suckish director (did you see A Good Year? That shit HURT), and the screenwriter has positives and negatives in his resume. And I'm tired of vampires, even if I wrote a book about them, unless they are A) scary, B) funny, or C) unaffiliated with Stephene Meyers or Anne Rice. I hated Interview With The Vampire, too. That one I am sorry about. Maybe.

OK, enough of that.
- LV

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My Lifeless Remains Cannot Sue The City?

Blog
* Mine can. They totally can. TRUFAX. My lifeless remains have powers. I think I have officially grown beyond the powers of caffeine. I weep. Title is from Castle (he really is ruggedly handsome).

* Dammit Michelle, stop posting images of things that need to be mine! I am going to be a pirate on her ship. And we shall be feared. Oh, how we shall be feared! And the art she's working on is gorgeous. I know these things.

* The itty bitty kitty cupcake is happy to see me!

[Drawn by Erin]
The question is, honestly, do I hug it or eat it? DAMN its survival techniques. It's so cute. Or maybe it's like the cow in The Restaurant at the End of the Universe and WANTS me to eat it? But.... it is a kitty! I want to eat it. No, I don't. I'm really confused. I think I'll just pet it and go away now.

* So I am late to the Supernatural party, but I am bringing the booze and drugs, if I am allowed to stretch the metaphor. I have two people to thank for this (because, really, I needed another fandom. Yeah, definitely) and Megan is one of them. She also has the best cache of Jackie Earle Haley pictures ever. I should steal them. FOR SCIENCE. No, I'm lying. Science has nothing to do with it. Nothing at all.

* Theresa points out how The Last Unicorn traumatized all of us. Which it did. She's wrong about The Goonies, although trauma might explain why I still love Corey Feldman and endorse his increasingly questionable life choices. I think I need to go make a special harpy mace now. Scariest scene ever.

Freakangels Friday
* Huzzah! It is still raining in Whitechapel, shit is going DOWN, I want to be a steampunk, and Mr. Ellis, who just tweeted about his crotch-scratching adventures (truth!) has blessed us undeserving FOOLS with another entry of the greatest webcomic ever, FREAKANGELS. That may be an exaggeration. MAYBE. I admit to nothing. I think I could be KK for Halloween, only nobody would recognize me, and it would end up like that now-infamous Halloween party where I made the hostess cry. Which no one needs. Anyway, I will read the comic AFTER I post this entry, so spoilers will be below by signature. I made a FREAKANGELS shirt. What did you do to appease the Ellis god?

Scary
* This is all Megan's fault. This whole category can be blamed on her. She showed me this video, and I had so many fucking nightmares about Hubert Cumberdale. I'd seen it before, but I had BLOCKED it, because of the trauma. Also, 'You taste like sunshine dust' is the scariest thing ever, except for the line about red water. I'm scared again:


Dollhouse
* It really does puzzle me, how the random placement of categories ends up with shows being discussed on the dates they air. This blog is a magical place. Moving on, did Dollhouse redefine science fiction success? I think that's too broad a question. I mean, you need to count in the Joss Factor, as I just decided it will be called. He has devoted fans. Scary devoted. As we should be, because he is brilliant and I love him. Even if he does give us nothing back but PAIN.

But Dollhouse is not getting good ratings, because most people go out on Fridays. Personally I think Fox renewed because they didn't want to deal with the madness and fan hysteria that surrounded the cancelation of Firefly (Note: Firefly was a better show, in the few episodes it had, than Dollhouse's first few episodes, although Epitaph One may be one of the best Whedon episodes of any show, and I frankly think a lot of the panic over Dollhouse was more in principle than based on the show love (until Topher got super-awesome and Alpha Wash showed up, of course, and then the show got AMAZINGLY good).

Anyway, this is my usual plea for you all to watch the show, because A) Alpha Wash, B) the scene where Topher and Whiskey had their little 'discussion' was hot and sad and I hope one or both of them cracks (although if Topher dies, as I have predicted because I am a cloud of negativity and DOOM, you will all have to comfort me with money and clothes) C) there needs to always be a show by Joss Whedon on TV, D) Due to Twitter conversations with remains, I am holding out hope for an Alpha Wash spinoff costarring Neil Patrick Harris, with cooking by Zachary Quinto as Sylar. Yes, the internet is AWESOME.

Epic!Fail
* This is not a funny category today. This makes me genuinely angry and sick. Two radio DJs encouraged violence against transgender children. Now I want to speak carefully here, because while encouraging violence against anyone for who they are is deeply fucked up, that's not specifically what I'm getting into.

These guys are encouraging violence against children. Children who, if they are transgendered (these DJs seem to put any male that doesn't fit the very narrow stereotype of masculinity in this category) are already dealing with a myriad of personal and emotional issues). The level of hostility is TERRIFYING:

For his part, States bragged that if his own son were to ever dare put on a pair of high heels, States would beat his son with one of his own shoes. He urged parents whose own little boys expressed a desire to wear a dress to verbally abuse and degrade them as a viable response.

This goes beyond personally/morally disagreeing with someone else's way of life. You don't have to like how someone else lives, who they are. It would be nice if people didn't hate other people because of the way they are born, but it's unlikely to change any time soon.

But encouraging violence against transgendered people - children in particular - is sick. I have friends who are transgendered. Coming to terms with that on their own was an incredibly difficult experience, and they have my admiration and awe for their courage. But some of them had to deal with violence, verbal and physical. When they were in middle school and high school. And not just from their classmates.

Look, bottom line: you don't have to 'approve' of transgendered people. Hell, you don't have to approve that I'm a girl, or that Lance Bass is gay. Your approval doesn't change who people are. But encouraging violence against people who are different - KIDS who are different - is sick.

As if high school doesn't suck enough.

We now return to general randomness.

Books
* I don't need a sequel to the Winnie The Pooh books. You can have one, if you want. I mean, I won't read it (and we don't need some damn otter in our woods, THANK YOU VERY MUCH), but you can.

And Pooh does not have OCD. Shut up. Stop analyzing my childhood loves.

Daily Hot Guy

[Nathan Fillion, AKA Richard Castle, AKA Mal Reynolds, AKA Captain Hammer. The hammer is his penis. Requested by Kaishabackwards, who is working on her terrible death whinny.]

Childhood!Fail

see more Fail Blog

Torchwood
* Here's another article on how Torchwood is getting a fourth season, but will Ianto fans watch, after Russell T. Davies CHEWED ON OUR SOULS LIKE SWEET SWEET CARAMELS?
For my part, yes, I will probably watch an episode or two to see what happens. I won't be happy about it, and will probably scream at whoever is with me, 'THIS WOULD BE BETTER WITH IANTO. THEIR COFFEE WILL SUCK FOREVER NOW!' and other such nonsense. But I'm interested in what they do. And I really do like John Barrowman. It's not his fault that the creator of Torchwood hates sexy Welsh coffee boys.

Um, Blogger keeps sending me an error message when I try to add more labels, and I'm getting scared that it will soon not let me post this AT ALL, so I think I'm just going to go read Freakangels now. Spoilers below my signature.
- LV

WARNING: Spoilers for this weeks' FREAKANGELS Below
This would have been a very exciting week, if I gave a shit about KK. I know, I'm a bitch. But I have decided that I only care about Arkady and Karl, and I will not compromise on this. At least we finally GOT some Arkady. It's been all Kait and Luke and Kirk. BRING ON ARKADY AND KARL. AND LET THEM LIVE.

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Did He Just Go Crazy & Fall Asleep?

Blog
* Actually... Yes. Yes he did. Title is from Firefly. I miss that show. A lot.

* I love the expression of dawning dismay on the kids' face:

[Drawn by Erin]
It's like the 'treasure' he was told about was really just the corpse of his puppy Mom and Dad told him was sent to a farm.

Freakangels Friday
* And it is the Fifth Day of the week (I do not subscribe to that madness where Sunday is the start of the week) and Warren Ellis said, 'Let there be Freakangels, you filthy sinning fucks,' and there WAS. But I am worried, because the title of the Email he sent alerting his minions of this new edition was called 'Explodo,' and what if KARL EXPLODES?! I HAVE HAD A ROUGH WEEK. KARL CANNOT EXPLODE. I will read it after I complete this entry of bloggery. Spoilers beneath my signature. Warren Ellis Put His Disease In Me. I WILL make this shirt, at some point. Mark my words.

Epic Fail
* Where was I when it became socially acceptable to pee outdoors, in public, in daylight?

[Found at Incredible Things]
It isn't. It is never OK to urinate outdoors, in public, in DAYLIGHT, in front of strangers. I don't care if that makes me old fashioned. I do not want to have to walk down the street knowing there is a very good chance that I will see a stranger relieving himself on a plastic tree.

Really, I'd rather have the male population peeing in alleys. I'm used to that. It's what happens in New York, especially late at night on weekends. That doesn't bug me (except when one drunk guy peed down my stairs - I lived in a basement apartment behind a gate - and I yelled at him to stop and he DIDN'T, and I had to clean out the hallway to my apartment. I'm still cross about that). My issue is that these plastic trees make it acceptable. That makes it OK. And I have been in countries where they have outdoor urinals, and those don't bug me either. Because they aren't shaped like trees.

I reread that, and my argument pretty much collapses because I'm contradicting myself. So to sum up, I don't want strangers to pee outdoors, but if they have to, can they not pee on plastic white trees? Thanks.

Writing
* I love strange new words. Which is funny, since my vocabulary has essentially become made up of the words 'totally,' 'awesome,' 'inappropriate,' and 'also.' I blame the government. But my friend Kevin, who is scary smart and writes this amazing blog about politics, always knows nifty new words. And he found this great site of $10 words. This is like word porn for me. And frankly, your puerile comments fill me with repugnance and I repudiate you and everything you venerate.

See? I can still use at least $5 words, if I try. I'm just lazy.

Books
* I really don't like Dan Brown. He's not a good writer. Of course, who the hell am I? Look at him, and his success. I'm sure he doesn't care. But he sucks, and his books suck, and the movies made from his books suck, and he is a black hole of suck. If he and Stephenie Meyers ever wrote a book together, I'd never stop throwing up.

Brown is bad enough on his own. Here is a list of the twenty worst lines from Dan Brown's books. Normally I don't like to trash authors (bad karma, even though I don't really believe in it, but still it's not nice) but he's rich and famous, and I am neither, and I don't think he'd care. Here's my 'favorite' line from any of his books:

17. Deception Point, chapter 8: Overhanging her precarious body was a jaundiced face whose skin resembled a sheet of parchment paper punctured by two emotionless eyes.

If you need me, I'll be crying in the corner. How can a body be precarious? And I've never seen parchment paper punctured by eyes, emotionless or otherwise. Then again, minor alliteration win?

Childhood!Fail
* American Girl Dolls have changed a LOT since I was a girl. I had Samantha (we both had brown hair), Felicity, and Kirsten. I had to get rid of Felicity after my friends and I watched Child's Play and I became convinced that red-headed dolls were going to stab me to death in my sleep, and my younger cousin now has my dolls, and loves them.

But now they have homeless American Girl dolls?

[Found at Jezebel]
This is Gwen, a homeless American Girl doll (or, as the article is quick to point out, a FRIEND of an American Girl). She's very well-dressed. And she costs $95.00. Now, aren't you supposed to have dolls that girls can identify with, on some level? Because I don't know many homeless kids who can afford dolls that cost more than a night out. That's EXPENSIVE SHIT RIGHT THERE.

And, because I'm a horrible person, after reading the whole article, all I could think was, 'Holy shit, they discontinued Samantha?'
Today is a sad day.

Daily Hot Guy
* And now it's not a sad day:

[Tim Roth, who I had a crush on in Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction (even if in one he was spurting blood, which is alarming for children) and who was one of two reasons I sat through The Incredible Hulk (the other being Edward Norton) and he's sexy and dangerous on Lie To Me. This is all Megan's fault. I had forgotten how much I like Tim Roth. And I still want him to play Snape.]

Torchwood
* So if it hadn't been Ianto who we lost to the cruelty of RATINGS, or some other hideous monster, it would have been Rhys who died?

I have no problem at all with that. And I like Rhys a lot. But can we trade him for Ianto? Can we make that happen? This interview is supposed to be funny and light, and it just makes me sad all over. I am going to hate Gwen by the next season. I'm sure of it. Because of facts like these.

Inglourious Basterds
* Quentin Tarantino is an awesome everything. Stop your snickering. I love him, and if you can't understand that, it's your loss. He's an especially awesome film critic (say what you will about his movies, I discovered a lot of great, obscure films because he mentioned them. Watch his introduction to to McCabe & Mrs. Miller here:

There are more of his introductions/reviews here, and I love them all, and I love him, and leave me alone. I have weird taste, and I am FINE with that.

Dollhouse
* Dollhouse premieres tonight! I am EXCITED. BEYOND WORDS. No, do you know how long it's been since I've had a Joss Whedon show renewed? Let's not talk about Firefly. It brings the the tears and HATRED. But yes, Dollhouse is back, which means the return of Topher and Alpha Wash, and this season Alexis Denisoff is going to be on the show, and Ray Wise (and Summer Glau, you drooling fanboys) and it will be great because the second half of the first season was GENIUS. Every episode starting with 'Man On The Street.'

* Here are some spoilers for season 2. I have not read them, because I have remained pure and spoiler-free.

People I Love
* This made me spray coffee all over my computer, International Society of Supervillains:
What happens if you dont eat anything for 2 days?
I don't know, Janet. No one has ever done it before in all of documented history.

But if I had to guess, I would say it's one of two things: 1) Your stomach will begin to glow with a magic that will make you into some sort of all-powerful demigoddess or 2) You will wither into a pile of dust.

Either way, it'll be sweet. Do it.
Read the rest of the Email here. Then send me money for a new computer. This one smells like burning.

Jersey!Fail
* I like Rachel Maddow. She is cool and smart, and her glasses are sweet. So why she got to be hating on my home state?

Oh. That's why. That.... that's a good reason. Yes. Yes, of course. What's with all the Anti-Christ fixation lately? I can't have this conversation. The coffee just kicked in. It could be violent.

Fandom
* Dude, I don't remember this scene from Star Wars:

[Found at Unique Daily]
But I really want to know where they got that furry couch.

Stuff To Live
* Bulletproof and fashionable clothing?

[Found at Like Cool]
I am going to be rocking the zombie apocalypse. Get me a pair of knee-high boots and some tight jeans, and I will be BADASS. You all think I'm kidding, but I would buy this stuff if I had the money. Even if the zombie apocalypse never happens (HA!) I just want to walk around knowing my jacket is bullet-proof. Come ON. That would be SWEET.

Right. I am still sick (but recovering!) and I have no work today, so I am going to lie down and watch TV and recover from this terrible illness of mine, and read FREAKANGELS, finally. Spoilers below my signature.
- LV

WARNING: SPOILER FOR THIS WEEKS' FREAKANGELS BELOW. SPOILERS
* Sigh. More set-up. Don't get me wrong, is awesome. Not complaining. Not really. A little. DON'T YELL AT ME, MR. ELLIS. But I love the rain. I think it's gorgeous. Luke is a bastard. And my first though when KK's plane got hit was, 'DON'T CRASH INTO KARL.' Are Karl and Arkady in love? Some sort of love? That would be cute. Their children would talk to plants, then use their powers to move the plants WITH THEIR MINDS. I should totally be involved in the writing of this comic. PLANT LOVE; KARL AND ARKADY.

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It's Such A Fine Line Between Stupid & Clever.

Blog
* Title is from This is Spinal Tap. I think repeated viewing of this movie could solve all the worlds' problems. And I'm willing to TEST this theory.

Zombies
* DanaM1218 sent me this. I don't know why. Probably to keep me from every doing laundry again:

Zombies are in our LAUNDRY, eating our socks. NOT OUR SOCKS. I love socks. I love my socks. And you might think it's better if they eat socks instead of our brains, but you're just kidding yourself. THEY EAT BOTH. ARMAGEDDON, MAN.

Apocalypse How?
* ROBOTS ARE REPRODUCING.

[Found at ToplessRobot]
The robot has babies. It GIVES BIRTH. Think about this. Soon they're going to be all, 'Well, humans, now that we can give birth to robot babies, you are extraneous, and you're going to die now.'
And read this:
Me: OMFG LOOK AT THIS.
Mom: Robots are having babies? Cool.
Me: COOL?!
Mom: Sure. They're using them for medical practice.
Me: The robot HEMORRHAGES AND SCREAMS AT YOU. NOT COOL AT ALL.
Mom: It only does that so they can make sure it doesn't happen to people. It's not real. Think of all the lives that can be saved!
They're everywhere. Trust no one.

Epic!Fail
* Crap. My Robot!Mom was right. Apparently, sitting up straight makes you feel better about yourself. I slouch. I slouch, and I'm short, which is a bad combination. But I only slouch in the morning, while I'm half-slumped over a cup of coffee, bleary-eyed and hung over, so I don't think that has anything to do with my mercurial self-esteem.

Seriously, though, I'd appreciate it if we didn't tell Robo!Mom about this. With her robot powers, she might, I don't know, JAM A METAL ROD INTO MY SPINE, and then say, 'You will sit up straight FOREVER NOW.' That would suck a lot. Or she might just get smug and be all, 'I told you so.' I'd prefer the metal spine rod, to be honest.

Writing
* This is a really great method for getting through a creative slump. It's not just for writing, but since I can't draw (really, this is not false modesty. I cannot draw, and I cannot dance. These are two things I just can't do. I can do lots of other things, including speak in Latin and recite obscure film facts and write, so I accept my failings) I will use it for writing. WHICH I ONCE AGAIN HAVE TIME TO DO. Let us rejoice. Or just me.

Steampunk
* I really don't KNOW anything about steampunk, and I won't pretend to, because then people who know a lot about it would expose me and it would make me cry shameful tears. But I do love steampunk, and I think it's cool and pretty and interesting, and I want to know more about it, because when Warren Ellis and Alan Moore grow bored and reboot the world to their liking, it will probably look like this:


[Photos by Lex Machina]
And it will be cool and futuristic, and be like a hybrid of FREAKANGELS, Transmetropolitan, Watchmen, and Swamp Thing. Or we'll all just be eaten by Alan Moore's beard while Warren Ellis smokes cigarettes and curses.

Daily Hot Guy

[Corey Feldman. Don't look at me like that. The neck tattoo is hot, too. I hope we see more of it in the next Lost Boys installment.]

Books
* Well, this is depressing as shit. On the list of the ten most pirated eBooks of 2009, only ONE does NOT make me want to claw out my own eyeballs and scream into the night. ONE. And then I think that people probably only want that one book because of Dan brown, and the eyeball-clawing urge begins once again.

Childhood!Fail
* Toys have changed a lot since I was a kid. This list of the seven most inappropriate toys proves that. I don't think the tattoo gun should be on the list. Not next to pole-dancing dolls and nipple-tassel shirts and breast-feeding baby dolls for girls that have not yet hit puberty. Yet none of those are the most disturbing, to me. What's worse than all the things I just listed?
This:

Why the FUCK do I have to shave this hobbit-baby? I refuse. You CANNOT make me shave the pubic hair of a baby plastic hobbit doll. WHY DOES THIS EXIST? I'M SCARED NOW.

Torchwood
* I want this poster:

[Found at Life, Doctor Who, & Combom]
And yes, I could clearly print one up on my sad cheap printer paper using my sad cheap printer ink, but dammit that just isn't the same. Ianto would have used NICE paper and NICE ink. The point is, someone should print this up on pretty expensive paper and give it to me, as a gift, because I have a hangover. This is AIRTIGHT LOGIC.

Inglourious Basterds
* I would like to see Jane Campion's new movie, Bright Star. But now all I can think about is Quentin Tarantino's take on poetry, and if such a thing would
A) Save the world
B) Destroy the world, or
C) Just further exasperate my friends who simply skip over this section as it is. YOU CAN'T STOP OUR LOVE! (Anyone know the quote reference? Correct answer gets a prize!)

More later. Happy Sunday.
- LV

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I Didn't Think It Was Physically Possible, But This Both Sucks & Blows.

Blog
* Oh, Bart, you're so young. Most things can suck AND blow. Especially Mondays. Title is from The Simpsons.

* So as I've said, I really enjoy Y: The Last Man, while disliking almost every character. Which is strange for me. But anyway, Yorick sort of irritates me with his sanctimonious crap. That's probably why this sketch, by the lovely and talented Erin, made me snerk coffee:

Her sketch blog is endlessly awesome. So go take a gander, and be in awe.

* Megan also makes coffee come out my nose, with her awesome:

So, McDonald's is showing ads that say "Happy Meals have surprisingly fewer fat and calories than other foods I give my kids." Uhm...what else are you giving your children? Are they eating cake three times a day with french fries and fried rice to go along with it?

Her irritation with McDonald's is justified. After all, we should all be going to White Castle. Why don't I get PAID for these endorsements?

* Theresa is doing Fables Friday, which may be the best idea since FREAKANGELS Friday, and if the two combine we will take over the world, and fairy tales and steampunk will rule supreme. Can we make this happen?

Life
* I got pet rats. I am VERY EXCITED about this, because if you follow me on Twitter you known I am insane about these sorts of things. So this weekend I finally got two pet rats and dyed my hair the right shade of red (it's staining pillows and shirts, because I used Manic Panic, but that is IRRELEVANT, dammit).

Here is my hair:


This is Rory, named after Rorschach. She's a dumbo rat. Her belly is splotched white, and her paws are white. She's terribly shy, likes peas, and spent most of the night trying to figure out how to escape her cage. She is very distrustful:


This is Olive. She's a hairless rat, and was named by Erin, after Olive Snook from Pushing Daisies. She's OK around humans, but tends to poop and pee in my hand whenever I hold her. She likes standing on her back legs, although she has yet to burst into song:

EDIT: Why did no one tell me I posted the same picture of Rory twice? Because you thought I had identical ratses? Fixed now.

I love them. And I will take more pictures as they stop hiding and get comfortable with me.

Books
* Joe Hill is also nominated for a Scream Award, for his work on Locke & Key. Just saying. I can't ethically tell you to vote for him, because I love many people in this category, and it was stressful enough for ME to have to vote. No, I'm NOT telling you who I voted for. I am a creature of mystery.

* Jim Carroll, who was a brilliant poet and famous for his book The Basketball Diaries, died this weekend of a heart attack at age 60. Go read some of his poetry in memoriam. He was a beautiful writer, and will be sorely missed.

Torchwood
* Here's a review of the soundtrack for Torchwood: Children of the Earth. I don't remember the music at all, even though I really like the Torchwood score most of the time. Probably because I couldn't hear ANYTHING over the sound of my TEARS.

Yes, I'll probably buy the soundtrack. It's supposedly good. And it's got Ianto's name on it. And I couldn't name a girl rat Ianto, for SO MANY REASONS, although I considered it. My pet store only sold female rodents, to prevent baby rodents. OK, I'll shut up now.

Inglourious Basterds
* Parts one and two of a discussion of Quentin Tarantino, which I quite like. Even if the phrases are pretty pretentious, and even as a hopeless fangirl there were are a few moments that gave me pause. These guys LIKE Quentin. Even when discussing their problems with his work.

And they're right: these topics have all been done to death, so just introduce me to Mr. Tarantino and be done with it. Our children will be tiny with ginormous chins.

WhedonVerse
* This video, from the TV show Angel, remains one of my favorite scenes ever on television. Because of the little clap David Boreanaz does:

I think we should all watch this every Monday, in order to survive the day.

People I Love
* If Warren Ellis says it, it must be true:

I like to think of an envy-crazed Steve Jobs being caught in the Castro with a meat cleaver and a sack full of right hands. In his head, all the cops look like Bill Gates, and they’re all repeating that line from Andy Warhol’s Frankenstein, where Udo Kier says, "To know death, Otto, you must fuck life in the gall bladder."

Mr. Ellis, never stop terrifying me with your genius. Read the rest of the article here.

Daily Hot Guy

[Taye Diggs, who just became a father for the first time, but that in no way makes him any less hot. He's a hot father, that's all. Plus, it should be criminal to be this geeky AND this hot at the same time. It's like a hole in the rift of win.]

Stuff To Live
* You theoretically use this bandage rug to protect your nice carpet from heavy traffic, like when you have a party and don't want your ungrateful guests to tramp all over your stuff:

[Found at NerdApproved]
But if I'm being honest (and it's Monday, so why not?) I'd use this rug to cover up coffee and soda spills.
'Did this rug move from last time?'
'No. No it did not. MORE COFFEE?'

Sequel!Fail
* OK, seriously, Sylvester Stallone, you need to stop. I tolerated you for a long time, mostly because Rocky was a sweet movie, and I sort of love really dumb, bad action movies, so the Rambo flicks appealed to me as beer and pizza with my friends fodder, and I love that you were in a porno movie, because that's just funny as shit.

But you are old, and not aging that well, and you're starting to freak me out, like a lot.

So let's forget Rambo 5, OK? Rambo's gone now. Rambo's in an old folks' home, sipping cocoa and calling all the nurses terrorists. Leave him be.

Jackie Earle Haley
* Have you voted for Jackie Earle Haley and Watchmen yet today? No, you probably haven't, because you're really evil, aren't you? AREN'T YOU?! No, I'm kidding. Please stop crying. Jackie doesn't want you to cry, either. He just wants you to vote at the Scream Awards for Watchmen and Rorschach. Now dry your eyes. And let's go home. Sorry, I couldn't help myself.

* Yes, that is Archie behind him, and yes, this does fill me with shameless fangirl ecstasy, and what is it to you if it DOES?


TeeVee
* I know this is a very old article, and the Bruno drama has faded into a mere memory, but Sacha Baron Cohen is super smart and super tall, and he's stripping for Conan:

And it's Monday, and these things AMUSE ME, OK?!

* The True Blood season finale last night was disappointing. Nothing really got sorted or settled, and I feel like it was rather messy, and that Sookie was sort of being a bitch, and Jessica is becoming my favorite person because at least she's INTERESTING.

But Sam was naked, and that was sort of great. WHAT? He was a BULL, and then he was NUDE. FTW.

OK, time for work and such.
- LV

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