Day 29 Of Unemployment: More Strange Rumblings In September

Saw my third roach today. Admittedly, it was dead, and in the hallway outside my apartment, but it was fucking huge. Terrifyingly huge. I threw it in the garbage. Away from me. And sprayed again.

So much for false bravado about roaches. They're evil. They're scary. Let's all admit that, and move on with our lives.

Watching more Dexter. This is a seriously damaged show. Wonderful, funny, sad, all the adjectives I use when I like something, but still, totally damaged. Just like the titular character. Beautifully shot, I should add. Few television shows are done in such an artistic way. Most just frame things, shoot them, and that's it. But this - this show allows for the full potential of the medium. I've always said TV doesn't have to look like shit - it just normally does. Then again, most shows don't have gallons of blood to play around with. That certainly adds a colorful touch.

Had a lovely night. Went over to the dynamic duos' place (Kay and Esse, the ass-kickers of... stuff that needs its ass kicked), and Kay taught me how to make pasta. Well, more specifically, pasta sauce. Even I can make pasta. But I was happy that it turned out decently. Meaning it tasted OK, and it didn't kill anyone. The pasta stuck together, but that couldn't be helped.

And their apartment is enormous. Which has nothing to do with pasta, or cooking, but warrants mentioning, because I get to go hang out over there whenever they let me.

Can I just say that I absolutely adore that Dexter uses the name Patrick Bateman. Brilliant. That's from American Psycho, for those of you whom I now hate. Whom or who? Which is right? And why should it matter to me?

I'm rereading the Harry Potter series. Well, the four I read. I need to read the last three, so I can lust creepily over Snape, the only interesting aspect of the series. At least the books I read. I'm also reading Darkly Dreaming Dexter, because that's what I do when I like something.

That's all for now. May the roaches not come to my apartment. The rest of you are on your own.
- LV

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Day 27 Of Unemployment: OK, Now I'm Bored

* Work yesterday was boring. I set up a MySpace for the company, and looked for high schools with theater programs. New York schools suck, generally. I mean, I always knew, but it never really struck me. I never fully comprehended. Blame it on growing up spoiled and sheltered in the suburbs. It made me sad. Oh, and I found the way to work by Googling the company. I'm a genius. Or something.

* I like how 'google' is a verb. And TiVo. New verbs are awesome. Rather than saying, "I looked it up online," I get to shorten the whole sentence to, "I Googled it." Capitalization is optional. Pretty soon the whole of the English language will be reduced to simply yelling, "Google!' in different tones of voice.

* I may have work tomorrow. I don't know. I don't know anything. ElleVee lacks information.

* More former roommate drama. It's stopped being funny, and has now become completely irritating. She demands my presence for the final walk-through of the apartment, even though SHE has the keys, and I have other things to do. OK, so my life isn't full if important events at this moment, but still. Flossing would be more important. We were supposed to go today, actually, but she never called me. She's probably still asleep. And I sleep late - I woke up near noon today - but she makes me look like a sprightly early morning... sprite. The creature, not the drink. She usually wakes up around five or six in the evening, if she doesn't have work. I just want it to be done. I want to end this and move on with my life.

* Got my Netflix today! Huzzah! Jeeves & Wooster, and the rest of season one of Dexter. Joy in my veins. Much joy.

* My family is coming to visit this weekend. My dad will finally be seeing the apartment he's essentially paying for. This will be interesting. Things have been a bit tense these past few weeks, for a plethora of reasons I don't feel like going into at this moment. I love the word 'plethora.' So this weekend will be either a happy, joyful reunion wherein we all hug and cry, or it will be tense and excessively polite and I will end up twitching like a cat on crack.

* They say the commercials between shows target the intended audience of said show. So, since I've been watching courtroom drama all day - Judge Joe Mathis and Judge Maria Lopez - I must assume that the intended audience eats a fuckload of IHop, has no car insurance, sues over injuries that were caused by their own idiocy, did not graduate from high school, and need to lose a lot of weight. Channel 11 does not have a lot of respect for its viewers. And where does that leave me?
- I haven't eaten at an IHop since high school.
- I don't have a car anymore.
- If I sued every time I fell down, I'd spend my entire fucking life in court. I fall down constantly. Sometimes when I'm not even moving.
- I did not graduate from high school. I did, however, graduate from college, so I guess it evens out.
- Of course I need to lose weight. Statistically speaking, everyone needs to lose weight. We're all AWFUL! IHop, anyone?

So two out of five. Not bad, Channel 11, not bad.

* My roommate called. She's sick, apparently. So, once again, I need to do every fucking thing just to settle the apartment. If you guys see me on the TV wanted for murder, please inform the proper authorities that I was doing a service to humanity. No, I won't really kill her (in case you were rushing to the phone). I just want her to go far, far away, and stop bothering me. Is that so much to ask? IS IT?!

* Watching an ad for Christian rock - the concerts look like the most fucking boring shit I have ever seen. Otherwise, if you changed a few words in the lyrics, these bands could be singing about the girl of their dreams.

* I need to clean. Cleaning makes life better. And keeps the roaches away. I haven't seen one in days. They're plotting my demise. The reckoning shall come.

May your roommates be sane, your family be well-adjusted, and your stress be non-existent.
- LV

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Day 24 Of Unemployment: Random Thoughts & Pretensions

* It really bugs me when people are proud of the fact that they don't read. People actually brag about this. And it always boggles me. Look, I read a fucking obscene amount of books. That's just me. And I admittedly read when I should be out, you know, interacting with other carbon-based life-forms. If you don't read a lot, that's fine. If you don't read at all, that's fucking tragic. But bragging about it? That's weird. It's like saying, "Hello, I do not want to know anything about anything. I am happy being a complete ignoramus, and think this makes me cool or rebellious in some way." Fuck you. It makes me sad, and immediately question your intelligence. As I said, not reading is... well, it sucks. But I get that a lot of people don't read. But being proud of it? Holy everloving fuck, just wear a sign that says "Moron For Life."

* I've never seen a full episode of FRIENDS. That's something I'M proud of. I've seen pieces of it - most recently the cameo by Hugh Laurie, where he yells at Rachel, which makes me squeal with uninhibited, alarming glee. And in some classes in college, we were supposed to watch episodes an analyze them. I usually fell asleep. I just find the show [what little I've seen] to be stupid, offensive, and boring. And that Rachel bitch sounds MEAN. Although the cameos I've watched on youtube - particularly Hugh Laurie, Bruce Willis, Brad Pitt, & Reese Witherspoon - have been brilliant.

*'Wichcraft makes fucking awesome sandwiches. I had Sicilian tuna with olives and lemon on a roll, and it has made my belly happy on several levels. You should go. Right now.

* Just bought DARKLY DREAMING DEXTER and STIFF: THE CURIOUS LIVES OF HUMAN CADAVERS at the St. Mark's Bookshop. Best bookstore ever, even if it's intimidating. I feel like my intellectual abilities are being scrutinized and mocked by everyone working there. I also bought my friend Kay her birthday present. Which I can't tell, because someone might tell her.

* Netflix, Netflix, Netflix. Why do you not receive my DVDs? Why do you not send me more DVDs? Why does Labor Day have to mock me with no mail. No mail means no DVDs, means no joy in Elle's life. I am amazed by how dependent I am on the mail. But, when I'm waiting for more episodes of DEXTER and season two of JEEVES & WOOSTER, how can you blame me?

* I just saw a Skittles commercial involving a singing bunny. I have no idea what the fuck it was about, but now I am afraid of Skittles.

* I have work tomorrow. Unfortunately, I can't find the piece of paper with the address. Or the number to call in case I lose the address. So this should get interesting really quickly.

May the singing bunny from the Skittles commercial not come sing near you. Seriously, it was fucking creepy. It sang in the rain. That's terrifying.
- LV

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Week 3 Of Unemployment: Time Flies When It's Awesome

Yes, I have been waiting to swipe the title line from a Natalie Dee comic since my internship ended.

My life has been incomplete until recently. Why did none of you tell me how amazing Dexter is? Is there a conspiracy against me?! What else are you guys keeping from me?! WHAT ELSE?!

Seriously, great show. Great, great show. Funniest fucking serial killer ever. I also love the allusion to American Psycho. But this is better. Much better.

I think we all relate to Dexter in some way. There are moments when we have no idea how to act in a social situation. There are moments when we don't react the way everyone else does, and we feel like a freak. There are moments when we fake emotions. And we all have weird little habits we don't want others to know about. Hopefully most of them are less homicidal than Dexter's inclinations, but hey - no judgement.

Have a temporary job for Tuesday helping my dad's friend at her theater company. I'm just happy for the work. And they're nice people. Won't keep me afloat for more than a day or so, but hey, money is money. And I am adept at many menial and useless activities.

That's all for now. Dexter is great. All hail Dexter. I want to be his friend. Until I do something bad. Then not so much.
- LV

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Day 19 Of Unemployment: Job Interviews, Friends, & Serial Killers

Wow. My job interview went badly. Like, really badly. The cops may be busting in here at any moment, since that woman probably thought I was stoned/tired from a night of slaughtering in the innocent.

Actually, I was tired because I had a brief bout of insomnia, and was up until around two in the morning watching House and worrying about roaches. So by the time I had my interview, I was a wreck. A twitchy, cranky, inarguably unbalanced wreck.

It also didn't help that I didn't want the job. And referred to it as 'menial.' I also may have snorted when she said I had to stay for two years. I think we're just going to pretend this didn't happen. OK, to be honest, I wasn't terrible. I definitely came across as hostile, but I was spot-on with all my answers. I have all the necessary experience, and I'm totally qualified. I was just blatantly bored. Which, for those of you not yet in the job-hunting world, is a bad attitude to adopt in the presence of a potential future employer.

Fuck it. Roommate (or Former Roomate, as I suppose she should now be called) is coming by to pick up some of her stuff that my mom accidentally packed because she hates me and wants to force me to interact with a would-be serial killer.

Speaking of serial killers, I rented Dexter from Netflix. I've been watching for maybe five minutes, and I am completely hooked. The lead guy, whose name I can't remember at the moment, was always brilliant on Six Feet Under. Plus, he's cute in an awkward sort of way. I can't say if this will become a House/V For Vendetta/Doctor Who-level obsession, but I can enjoy a ahow without being insane about it. After all, I like Ugly Betty, and you don't see me blathering for hours about how amazing that show is. It is - you should watch it - but I'm not crazed about it.

I'm going to make a TV show list now. And watch Dexter. Fuck - Roommate's here. I'll keep the TV off - don't want her getting any ideas.
- LV

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