I Tried To Stay In The Car. I Really Did!

Blog
* He's lying, you know. He didn't try to stay in the car AT ALL. Title is from Castle, which got renewed!

People I Love
* Kelly Osbourne looks awesome (and I want her hair), her fiancee is adorable and practically clear he is so pale and blonde, and her dress amuses me to no end:

[Found at World of Wonder]
Really, how do I get that hair color? We as a society need to make this happen.

Geek Want
* When did sneakers become so amazingly cool again? And can we possibly get some Firefly sneakers? OOH, or Doctor Who-themed Converse, in honor of David Tennant? I HAVE SHOE IDEAS THAT THE WORLD NEEDS. Ahem. Here are Paper Mario Nikes:

[Found at Like Cool]
Oh, but my Imaginary Sneakers Of Super Awesome wouldn't be almost $200. That amount of money doesn't exist! HAHA.... I want to go shopping.

Food!Fail
* After multiple cakes of adorable charm, I figured I'd show you one that will crush your soul and destroy the very fiber of your being:

[Found at Very Demotivational]
Saddest. Cake. Ever.

Technology
* Here's a guide for watching porn on your iPad at work. I don't have an iPad, I don't watch porn (especially at work), and to be honest the fact that this article exists makes me want to sob over the fate of society. People, please: WAIT UNTIL YOU GET HOME TO ENJOY PORNOGRAPHY. Or at least aren't at work. I know it's about office work, but I just keep thinking about airplane pilots doing this, and I have ENOUGH PLANE ANXIETY AS IT IS, OK?

Life Lessons
* I love Spongebob, and I will not apologize for that. Plankton and Squidward are brilliant. And after a long day at work, sometimes I want to watch a talking sponge go jellyfishing with a squirrel, OK? I DON'T JUDGE YOUR LIFE. And while there are endless jokes involving Spongebob, and drugs, few are quite so accurate. Here's your handy guide for the spongey chemicals.:

[Found at Friggin Random]
Oh, and one episode definitely had a joke about Spongebob innocently delivering drugs to Patrick. For reals.

Daily Hot Guy

[Sam Trammell, AKA Sam Merlotte from True Blood. Have I mentioned I miss True Blood? In the South, everyone has amazing supernatural sex all the time and drinks and eats insane food. It's on HBO, so you know it's true.]

Daily Icon

[Sophia Loren, proof that goddesses do walk among us, and maybe if we stand close to them we can absorb some of their fabulosity.]

Movie!Win
* Have you seen The Raven? It's six minutes of epic fucking genius:

Avatar can EAT ME, I'll just watch this for two hours. And you know what? I'll be HAPPIER.

Wow
* Guys, what do you even want me to say here? What COULD I SAY? I just... I don't know. Nothing makes sense anymore. It's been a weird week, with a lot of stress, and I don't even OWN any chicken memorabilia:

[Found at The World's Best Ever]
To quote Warren Ellis, NO CHIKKINS.

WTF, INTERNET
* Ladies and gentlemen, I present a reusable Pokemon Maxi Pad. So when women have their period, they look at Pikachu:

[Found at Neatorama]
This is either the best thing or the worst thing ever to have happened in the history of the universe. I don't know. I can't decide. It's sort of hilarious, and entertaining, but it's Pokemon and I don't know. I'm more alarmed that someone looked at a Pokemon and decided to create a maxi pad. Who looks at Pikachu and thinks, "Wow, I'd love to BLEED ALL OVER THAT ONCE A MONTH?" I DEMAND AN ANSWER. Or maybe not. Maybe some things are best left unknown.
And maybe it's just me, but I don't much like the idea of Pokemon leaping into my lower orifice.

Animals
* BABY WOMBAT BABY WOMBAT IT IS SO TINY AND WEE AND BABY WOMBAT:

[Found at Daily Mail]
Wombats are native to New Jersey, right? I CAN HAZ? I'll name him Sigfried, and he can sleep at the foot of my bed with my dog and cat. BABY WOMBAT.

Music
* If Lady Gaga, Beyonce, and Metallica all had a huge orgy and then a hideous freak baby emerged from that unholy union, this is what we'd get:

I've named it MetalliGaga. Featuring Beyonce.

TeeVee
* I am full of conflict. For years, FOX has been the Evil TV Overlord. They cancel ALL the shows I love, and make me cry, and fuck up the order of the episodes they do air (remember what they did to Firefly? DO YOU?) or they cut the number (Arrested Development) and basically take every show I love and shit all over it, leaving me a miserable and angry fangirl shouting into the void of the internet, while Life, Unexpected gets renewed on the CW (I have never seen this show, but the commercials were so obnoxious that I hate the show forever now) (CW is still the WB, no matter what ANYONE says).

But the winds are changing. No, really. This year, FOX made Glee, and they renewed Human Target AND Lie To Me, when common sense insisted that one of them would get the axe, which made me enormously happy, because now I have snarky British Tim Roth AND Jackie Earle Haley on a weekly basis. So apparently FOX is taking a break from making me sad, since they already cancelled Dollhouse a while back.

BUT BUT now NBC is being dickish. As I mentioned, they cancelled Heroes. And while I love the show (I have to admit Igave up this season because I had no idea what was going on, and nobody seemed to have any clue what they were doing, and Hiro was sad all the time, and Sylar was more whiny than insane/sexy, among other reasons) it was time for it to go. It had a good few years (its first season remains genius) and deserves to step out with dignity (and a return of Christopher Eccleston as Crazy Invisible Pigeon Man Of Secks?).

Unfortunately, NBC has decided to steal the Dickish Network title from FOX, for reasons I cannot comprehend, and is just ENDING the series on a CLIFFHANGER, and not even giving us a series finale TV movie episode THING. AND THAT IS HORSE-SHIT. LV DOES NOT APPROVE IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM. The show was really good, and juggled some very complex (occassionally demented) plot lines, and ROBERT FORRESTER WAS A VILLAIN, DUDES. AND SULU WAS ON IT. SULU. SULU WILL FUCK A BITCH UP. God dammit, I'm remembering how much I used to love the show.

OK, new plan: Sylar and Peter Petrelli team up and fight the NBC Executive assholes, shirtless, and Hiro makes that adorable wobbly face, and Sulu KILLS EVERYONE, and then the cute boys all kiss, and Claire falls down a well (OH, and Ali Larter, who does not have a power but a DISORDER) the end.

I miss Heroes.
- LV

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Clouds Don't Kill People. People Kill People.

Blog
* What if people killed people, only with the mighty power of clouds? Did I just blow your mind? HA, a wind joke... don't look at me. Title is from Psych.

* April I will be blogging every day for NaBloPoMo, because the blogging here has been disgraceful. Really, there is dust everywhere, no one has been in here to blog in ages, and IS THAT A ROACH? SOMEONE KILL IT WITH FIRE.

Music
* I am going to pimp out my friend Danielle's EP, Stagefright at Traffic Lights, because A) she is brilliant and beautiful and Irish, B) she is a wonderful friend, and C) the EP is remarkable. My personal favorite song is 'Pact,' but her piano work and lyrics are lovely, funny, and sad. It's dark, clever cabaret, and worth a listen. You can sample the songs for free, but you need to download the album to get two secret tracks. Oh, and Danielle is also a writer, a blogger, and I think I need to go visit her in October at Octocon, FOR SCIENCE.

Whut?

[Found at VeryDemotivational.com]
I get it's supposed to be a joke, but Patrick Star over in the corner is REALLY freaking me out. Also, WHAT?

Food!Win
* See, this cake is too cute to eat, which I think is rude.

[Found at Geekologie]
How can I eat something so adorable and sweet and wholesome? ....OK, I would, but I'd feel guilty about it. Really guilty. There would be tears. Remember that Simpsons episode where Homer had to eat Pinchie, because Pinchie would have wanted it? Yeah, basically that, only me weeping between bites of cake, whimpering, "Why did you have to be so delicious, Wall-E, stop staring at me is that real buttercream icing?"

Words Of Win
* See, guys, it's stuff like this that makes people hate America:

[Found at FailBlog]
Hell, I hate us, and I live here. Oh, and I really wish they'd put an apostrophe in "you'd," because that is how my brain works.

Fandom
* Did you know you can buy a replica of the dagger Jake used in Avatar?

[Found at Nerd Approved]
For $129, you can immediately ostracize the many, many people who didn't like Avatar (or, like me, thought it was overrated, and preferred the original version, AKA Ferngully: The Last Rainforest).

But you know what you can't buy? The best picture Oscar, HAH. It's OK, James Cameron is wiping his tears with $100 bills, while I make nasty comments about his expensive memorabilia. So everyone wins, really. Remember when Avatar lost the Oscar to a movie that didn't involve hair!sex? Yeah, I was excited. I'm sorry, it was a beautiful movie - really, visually gorgeous and I want to be Sigourney Weaver when I grow up, but I am an immature young lady, and I cannot get past the fact that they ran around STICKING THEIR BODY PARTS IN LIVING THINGS. It's rude. I'm sorry, this is the last rant on Avatar ever. It's time to let it go. I must be stronger than my exasperation.

What was I talking about? Oh, the daggers. They're very pretty.

People I Love
* Did I ever tell you guys about the time Warren Ellis Tweeted me, and I was so worried I'd say something to inspire his much-deserved wrath that I had to turn off my laptop and go drink some tea, to calm down? Probably, because I love and fear Warren Ellis and the awful things he says. I also love Twitter, to the point where my private account has a shameful number of Tweets that speaks of serious problems, but I never use my Facebook, so it evens out, RIGHT?

Anyway. This is how Warren Ellis refers to Twitter:

Twitter: A Shitbox For Your Brain

And thus it is. I mean, look at what he writes on Twitter. BEHOLD:

* Haven’t trimmed my beard in so long that it’s gone from Crackling Virility Hedge to Hobo Rape Thicket.

If Twitter is a Shitbox for your brain, there are disturbing implications about my need to compulsively Tweet my irritation over toilet paper commercials.

(WHY BEARS? SOMEONE EXPLAIN HOW THIS WILL SELL ME A PRODUCT).

Love and fear are both part of the Warren Ellis packet. And sometimes some nausea. Also, I really really need this Brain Bleach Mug, so someone should buy it for me. I'll blog more! And... drink coffee from it, probably.

Daily Hot Guy
[Misha Collins, AKA Castiel from Supernatural, AKA "I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition," AKA BAMF ANGEL, AKA did you know his appearance is based on Constantine from Hellblazer? Yes, I have a problem with him. No, I don't want to talk about it. 2010: The Year Of Hot Badass Angels. And LV said it was good.]

Daily Icon

[Carrie Fisher, inarguable proof that you can be a total hottie, an actress, an author, a memoirist, and a brilliantly funny human being. And have a sense of humor about your gold bathing suit.]

Awesome
* It's funny because it's true. And it explains why blogging in the morning can be nigh on impossible, when there is suddenly decaffeinated coffee in the vicinity. What is the point of decaf? TO DESTROY LIVES AND BLOGS, THAT'S THE POINT.

[Found at The Oatmeal]
There are four more phases, and only two of them are good. The other two... we don't talk about those. You can't crash if you NEVER STOP DRINKING CAFFEINE. No, I never abused my caps lock key before I started ingesting energy drinks on a daily basis, why do you ask?

Technology
* I usually blame the failings of technology on the evil demons that live in the internet, or my own near-legendary skill to destroy things without trying. So when this reason came up in the Bastard Operator From Hell-Style Excuses Server, I felt JUSTIFIED:

Daemon escaped from pentagram .

The excuses on this page for server errors make me happy, and I think if we all used them constantly, the world would be a better place. Now someone go redraw the pentagram. And get more rock salt.

Life Lessons
* I don't know if Millarca made this or just found it, but either way it is the ultimate and final truth:

If she and Freddie Mercury joined forces, the universe would be a fabulous and lovely place. Why is this not the way life is?

Movie!Win
* Yes, this is very old, but you know what? Win is Win, and I demand that some of these improbable movie trading cards exist, RIGHT NOW:

[Found at Automatic Lifestyle Dispenser]
I would buy Barton Fink trading cards. I would buy them like nobody's business. And Miller's Crossing trading cards. Man, that was a fantastic movie. Oh, and remember The Hudsucker Proxy? I love the Coen brothers. And they seem like they'd make trading cards, don't they? This feels so right.

Wow
* Sometimes, I really and truly believe that the internet was created with the sole purpose of slowly driving us all insane:

[Found at LikeCool]
Why? Who looks at a mosquito (one of the most evil creatures on the planet, and right up there with raisins and clowns on the list of Things LV Hates & Fears), and thinks, 'Gee, wouldn't it be super-nifty if mosquitos were mated with elephants, and destroyed civilization by SMOOSHING US, THEN SUCKING THE SMOOSHED BLOOD?' You know what? I don't want to know the logic there. Mosquitos are evil, and I hate them, and now I need a tennis racket for when it gets warmer, because these things are coming.

Yes, artistically it's gorgeous and well-done, but let's forget that and focus on the abject horror here. And why do I feel like the elephant is undressing me with his eyes? I'm all sorts of uncomfortable.

WTF, INTERNET?
* You know what? It's images like these that make me want to give up on this category, because there is HONESTLY NOTHING I could write that would in any way enhance the insanity of this product:

[Found at Nerd Approved]
It's a Screaming Condom USB drive. Yeah. You know, I don't get paid for this. And if I did, I'd be demanding a raise, because HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO MAKE ANY JOKES ABOUT A SCREAMING CONDOM USB DRIVE? THE PRODUCT IS THE JOKE. SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE.

Now I have a headache, and a pervasive fear that a random blue condom will show up and scream at me, and I will never know why. Well played, Internet.
- LV

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So The Main Causes Of Accidents Are Joy, Sex, & Old Age?

Blog
* Yeah, actually, that's a fair statement. Title is from Mystery Science Theater 3000.

* So, remember guys, I'm going to be gone from Friday 12 February to Sunday 21 February, in England. I make NO promises to blog or do anything like that. I will simply take a shitload of pictures of England and the awesome that occurs there, which I will probably post on my return.

Fandom
* This poster makes me happy every damn time I look at it:

see more deMotivational Posters

Awesome
* Why is this a fail? I think people should be able to buy these for everyone. I want one. They're GENIUS:

[Found at Failblog]
I'm not kidding. This could be the best Valentine ever.

Food!Fail
* This list of things you can spread on bread is a total fucking fail, because it mocks mayonnaise. Mayonnaise is the ambrosia of the gods. I put it on everything. No, really, one of my favorite snacks is dark chocolate with mayonnaise. DON'T KNOCK IT UNTIL YOU TRY IT. God, you close-minded monsters make me sick. MAYONNAISE IS GOOD.

Technology
* I don't know about you, but I don't remember shit about being in utero. I don't really remember anything before the age of four, and most of my four-year-old memories involve The Land Before Time, (AKA the best goddamn movie EVER). What I'm trying to say is, I don't get the need to have the collection of cells in your tummy listen to 'My Humps':

[Found at Like Cool]
Oh, and this line really scares me:

"Researchers have demonstrated that reactive listening begins at 16 weeks, when your wee geek-to-be is roughly the size of a tasty avocado."

Partly because that's highly debateable, but mostly because now whenever someone tells me they're pregnant, I will instantly think, 'WHAT SIZE FRUIT IS THE FETUS?'

Politics
* I love Rahm Emanuel. He is like the Ari Gold of politics. He loses his shit and he says things and everyone freaks out, and it's awesome:

Monstrous hypertension record-setter Rahm Emanuel has A LOT OF SHIT TO DO AND DOESN’T HAVE TIME TO FUCKING HOST THIS FUCKING PANSY-ASS ROUNDTABLE SHIT, but he will GET IT OVER WITH and then will you people SHUT THE FUCK UP FINALLY. Apparently apologizing for a PRIVATE FUCKING REMARK wasn’t good enough for the FUCKING SHRIVERS and now what, he has to KISS SOME SHRIVER’S ASSHOLE and host a DELEGATION ARE YOU SERIOUS JESUS CHRIST OF FUCKING R–… WHATEVER YOU FUCKING CALL THEM… AT THE WHITE HOUSE, are you SERIOUS? FINE, let’s just FUCKING DO THIS…

(For my part, I think everyone overreacted, it wasn't like he screamed obscenities from the White House Press Room (although if he does, I want every YouTube video of that, EVER).

Oh, and Mr. Emanuel was a ballet dancer, which makes me love him so much for so many reasons.

If you say anything about his tights, he will motherfucking wreck you, bitches.

Life Lessons
* The lovely and brilliant Metalouise sent me this, and it cheered me up on a bad day, and more importantly exposed me to the GROSS INCOMPETENCE of our educational system:

Also, kids, remember you can always use the gasoline fires to cook your dog! Just another fun tip from Aunty Elle! Now fetch me a bottle of vodka and some smokes.

Daily Hot Guy

[Alan Rickman, who has rendered it impossible for me to see the new Robin Hood movie, because there is NO OTHER Sheriff of Nottingham beside him, YOU FOOLS.]

Movie!Win
* District 9 is an Oscar nominated film, and this makes me all sorts of happy. So does this interview with Terri Tatchell, writer of the screenplay and wife of director Neill Blomkamp. But no sequels, please, unless you can GUARANTEE the same degree of genius. PS. Ms. Tatchell, don't be nice to Avatar. DON'T ENCOURAGE TALL BLUE HAIR!SEX.

Daily Icon

[Lady Gaga, who is talented, smart, unapologetically weird, and most of all encourages you to celebrate who you are, bizarre as that may be. PLUS, she's short and from New York, and THAT means we should be friends and hang out and she should take me shopping. And I love the placement of that tattoo on her arm.]

Wow
* Dear Universe: If you need to make yet ANOTHER Friday the 13th remake (PLEASE DON'T), I think you need to give Jason this Hello Kitty Chainsaw:

[Found at Like Cool]
Because at the very least, if the movie sucks, I can laugh maliciously as Hello Kitty slaughters half-naked teens.

It's the SNOWPOCALYPSE! SNOWMAGEDDON. SNOWMG. Etc. I have the day off from work.
- LV

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You Look Like A Fish When You Talk. Like A Giant Carp!

Blog
* This is not the best compliment one could hope for. Titles is from Heroes, back when it was good.

Movie!Fail
* Dear Everyone:
We are not naming ANYTHING after Avatar, except perhaps a sexual compulsion to stick your hair in things. ESPECIALLY NOT MOUNTAINS:

An official ceremony was held to change the name of a mountain in the Hunan province to commemorate James Cameron’s Avatar.

Then they changed their minds and denied the whole thing. I like to imagine everyone shrieking, 'I KNOW NOTHING OF AVATAR. BLUE HAIR SEX? SOUNDS DISGUSTING.'

Life Lessons
* Intentional misspellings can be funny, and everyone makes mistakes from time to time (I look at old entries of this blog and CRINGE at my typos). But there are certain words we, as a species, need to stop misspelling:

[Found at The Oatmeal]
There are nine more, and you need to memorize this, because I AM SICK OF EXPLAINING WHY YOUR AND YOU'RE ARE DIFFERENT. YES IT MATTERS.
Found by Julie_Raven, who sends bad spellers to hell.

Movie!Win
* I didn't get to see this movie in theaters, because the universe is cruel, but regardless of that (or mixed reviews) the trailer and poster for Where The Wild Things Are makes me enormously happy:

[Found at Das Cabinet des Dr Ruthven]
I STILL WANT THOSE PAJAMAS, DAMMIT.

Wow
* This picture makes me smile every time I see it:

see more deMotivational Posters
He's so HAPPY.

WTF, INTERNET?
* File this under: Products that will get you killed, or at least arrested:

[Found at Crunch Gear]
Picture this: It's a dark night, you're trying to impress some girl with your badassery. You stand outside the club. She is unimpressed with your leather jacket. But you have a secret weapon. You reach into your pocket, pull out the comb. She screams-

And an hour later you are sitting in a smelly cell with a large, grinning man named Molly, because YOU JUST HAD TO HAVE A GUN COMB.

Well, what did we learn?

Daily Hot Guy

[James Franco, AKA, Daniel Desario in Freaks and Geeks, AKA The Least Embarrassing Aspect of Spider-Man 3, AKA Yes I Have Watched General Hospital Because He's On It, And He's Sort Of Incredible On It.]

Animals
* THIS IS MY FAVORITE PICTURE OF THE DAY:

[Found at Like Cool]
The Cheetahs SNUGGLED the Impala, played with it, AND FAILED TO NOM IT.

This makes me happy on this snowy day.

Daily Icon

[Nancy Sinatra, singer, actress, and GIVE ME THOSE GOGO BOOTS, NANCY. I NEED THEM IN MY LIFE]

Music
* Screw you all, the Goo Goo Dolls were my first concert (with Sugar Ray and Fastball, WHAT WHAT!) and I love them and will continue to love them, and ANYWAY, they are serenading Elmo from Sesame Street, and who's going to argue with THAT?

Also Elmo made a pie, which is sort of the best thing ever.

Words Of Win
* When I as in college, my roommates and I sealed up the holes we made in the walls with toothpaste. You couldn't see it, and the room smelled minty fresh!

i had plans on painting my bedroom with the whiteout that i ordered and will now contemplate upper-decking the restrooms at the an undisclosed location.

[Found at Emails from Crazy People]
This guy wants to use white-out. Really, really badly. And if you don't sell him his white-out, he will SHIT ALL OVER YOUR PLACE OF WORK.

May I suggest the cleansing smell of toothpaste?

This snow is bullshit. At least here. MY STATE FAILS AT SNOWPOCALYPSE. Come on, New Jersey. Either snow or get off the pot.
- LV

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Bruce Campbell Can Kill 2 Stones With 1 Bird.

Blog
* He can also use the two stones to fashion a rudimentary lathe.

* Miss Banshee, queen of the divine, has written an article about James Van Der Beek (THE BEEK) that will BLOW YOUR MIND OUT YOUR EAR LIKE A SPITBALL OF BRILLIANCE.

Girly Want
* These shoes are made for kicking ass and taking names:

[Found at Shoe Lust]
Plus I could tramp through the snow WITHOUT getting my pants soaked. It's one of the special challenges of being petite.

Life Lessons
* It's true, and that's somewhat irritating:

[Found at Indexed]

Movie!Win
* First of all, congratulations to District 9 for its very deserved Oscar nominations. It was a wonderful movie, and the fact that Avatar got nominated at all shows that Hollywood is a cruel bitch (look, visually Avatar was incredible, but the story was a fucked-up bastardization of Pocahontas meets Ferngully meets Dances With Smurves, plus HAIR SEX, and I guessed every plot point, and I am not good at that, SO COME ON), and I hope it wins things.

Here's an interview with Neill Blomkamp, director and mastermind of the District 9, about making incredible movies on a budget smaller than THE NATIONAL GROSS OF MOST COUNTRIES, MR. CAMERON.

Wow
* I talk in my sleep. I talk in my sleep a LOT, and have full-fledged conversations and frighten anyone unlucky enough to be near me. But compared to this guy, I am an amateur:

"No puppy! Bad puppy! Make you into puppy slippers."

"You know, it's a human race. And you lost."

"You're more attractive than a seeping anal gash. But only just."

This guys REM is INTENSE, dude. I am afraid.

Daily Hot Guy

[Robert Downey jr. as Sherlock Holmes. Literary fantasy for the WIN.]

Daily Icon

[Xena, Warrior Princess, played by the mercilessly fabulous Lucy Lawless. A fictional character, yes, but a powerful, strong, bullshit-free, sexy woman, and one I'd be happy to emulate. Plus few people could pull of that outfit. Requested by Millarca, who is a secret samurai. Don't tell anyone.

Animals
* Puppy Versus Robot! WHO WILL WIN:

I think we should have puppy robots. Less mess.

Music
* Dear Butch Walker:
I love you, and your music, and this song, but it's been stuck in my head for a few days now, and I keep humming 'Lalala' at inappropriate moments, and I AM TIRED:


Words of Win

see more Epic Fails

OK, it snowed last night, so I don't have to go to work, right? RIGHT? Why are you all laughing? Being a grown-up sucks. SNOW DAYS FOR EVERYONE.
- LV

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Man, These Anti-Piracy Ads Are Getting Really Mean.

Blog
* Pretty soon people will stand behind you and beat you if you download a video. Title is from The IT Crowd.

TeeVee
* Did you watch Human Target last night? it's corny and amazing and Guerrero makes the show everything it could be and more, and his mustache has secret powers, and SIMON TAM FROM FIREFLY WAS ON LAST NIGHT. Fangirl fangasm. Times infinity. It's a really fun show, and I encourage you all to watch it, so you understand my Twitter shrieks of 'HE HAS THE ANTIDOTE UNDER HIS 'STACHE.'

Politics
* I hate to say it, but Scott Brown won the election fair and square, and ran a much better campaign than his competition, Democrat Fail, and frankly I think people complaining about him winning need to look at a good campaign versus a bad campaign (WHO INSULTS FENWAY PARK? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOU'RE CAMPAIGING) and concede that he ran a better game. It's that simple.

Political-politics aside, this makes me sort of like him, because it's horrifying and funny and any teenage (or former teenage) girl can understand the profound humiliation we are witnessing:

OK, Scott Brown, you're sort of entertaining.

Girly Want
* Oh. My. God. I am a short girl Five foot even. I am dainty and wee. Perhaps as a result, I enjoy insane big-ass shoes that kick the shit out of everything, such as these, which would make me normal height:

[Found at Shoe Lust]
Look at these gorgeous bastards. They are exquisite. I could kick the crap out of EVERYTHING. I would run around kicking things, and looking badass, and be fierce and tall-ish. SHORT PEOPLE REPRESENT.

Life Lessons

[Found at Indexed]

Movie!Win
* Yes, I will probably see Clash of the Titans at some point, for two very good reasons: Ralph Fiennes and Liam Neeson. In the meantime, here are some pictures of Sam Worthington, AKA Tall Blue Dude from the Sex Hair Movie:

[Found at Collider]
He's pretty, OK? But I prefer the dulcet tones of Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes, thank you very much.

Daily Hot Guy

[Patrick Wilson and his wife, and I'm mostly posting this picture because I dearly love a man who can rock a hat, and God DAMN, sir, you can rock that hat hard. Well done.]

Wow
* This hurts my brain. I want this so badly. I would devote my life to solving it:

[Found at Contact Music]
I could solve this puzzle, with copious amounts of caffeine and a REALLY clear social calendar. Maybe.

Tattoo Of Win
* THE PIGGY, IT HAS BEEN INKED:

[Found at Oddee]
There are nine other weird types of tattoos, but if you need me, I'll be staring at the PIGGIES WITH THE SERIOUS INK.

Animals

see more dog and puppy pictures

Seriously, how is it only Wednesday? I need to know how this is possible. This seems like the longest goddamn week in the history of the universe. ARE WE IN A TIME VORTEX? Because if so, I need a doctor. THE Doctor.

I need more coffee.
- LV

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This Must Be What Going Mad Feels Like.

Blog
* Just wait until you hear the song about him, Simon. Title is from Firefly.

Jersey!Fail
* Wow. My state is really going for some sort of Shame Award:

The brand-new, $185 million public high school in New Brunswick will have energy-providing solar panels on the roof, state-of-the-art lighting for its athletic fields and touch-sensitive, internet-connected "Smart Boards" instead of traditional blackboards.

But when it opened last week, it didn’t have a couple of comparatively low-tech necessities — a crosswalk and a stoplight.

Really? We forgot a CROSSWALK? Are the kids supposed to get home by osmosis? Is this the Xavier Institute? Because that would be cool, actually.

Life Lessons
* This may be funny to me solely because my father is a vegan, my mother is a vegetarian, and I am an omnivore who loves bacon and mayonnaise and sushi:

Going green tearing your family apart?
Therapists report a rise in domestic disputes over environmental issues.

Or I could just be mean.

Movie!Win
* So, guys, I saw Legion yesterday with the divine MissBanshee. And it was EVERYTHING I hoped it would be and more. I loved it. It was so bad. Like, amazingly, all-encompassingly bad. I loved it. No, you have to understand, we CHEERED when shit went down. And tattooed killer angels with guns, and Charles S. Dutton, and the kid from Sling Blade, and ZOMG it was life-changing. I adored it. I may buy this movie. I would see it again. It was SO TERRIBLE.

Crazy-Ass Granny was so CRAZY. Full review will follow, with many exclamation points and a very long, serious look at Paul Bettany and his hot (which I never really noticed before, possibly because he was not made of tattoos and violence and EXPLOSIONS. Maybe he should guest star on Human Target? EXPLODING ANGELS?)

PS Yes it got hideous reviews, but these people do not appreciate the batshit insanity, inexplicable plot points, and ANGELS SHOOTING PEOPLE. Plus, did I mention Paul Bettany is a total badass?

Wow
* I can't decide if this is the funniest story of the week, or the most frightening story of the month:

Man Rams Car Into Restaurant, Eats Breakfast

Investigators think Charles Pierce stepped on the gas instead of hitting the brake while trying to park, but instead of panicking and amid all that debris, he calmly got out of the sedan and placed his order.

Who the hell is serving this guy breakfast after he PLOWS through a BUILDING? That is the guy I think we should be worried about. Also old people should generally not drive. They are terrifying behind the wheel. Old is whenever you think driving into a BUILDING is no big deal.

Animals
* THESE GOATS FAINTS:

MY LIFE HAS A PURPOSE NOW. FIND THE FAINTING GOATS.

Tattoo Of Win
* Click here for one of the worst tattoos I have ever seen. And by worst, I mean gross, offensive, and WHO THE HELL GETS THIS BURNED INTO THEIR FLESH? I MEAN, REALLY? WHAT IS GOING THROUGH YOUR MIND? I NEED TO UNDERSTAND THIS.

I suppose it's sort of funny, in a sick way, but mostly if I met someone with this tattoo I'd be really, really uncomfortable.
It's the one at the bottom of the page, by the way. Flying vaginas are almost QUAINT in comparison.

Daily Hot Guy

[Paull Bettany, AKA Michael from Legion. I may have a problem with this movie. It was SO TERRIBLE, but he is so sexy and violent and his tattoos are hot, and I am now determined to do a double-feature one night with this movie and From Dusk 'Till Dawn. Also pizza and beer. Who's in?]

WTF, INTERNET?
* This may be a misplaced article, because it does not make me angry so much as my brain can't really process it, although that may be due to a profound lack of caffeine in my system.
Behold, BREAD SHOES:

[Found at Inventor Spot]
Now, I hate feet, and I love bread, so the idea of feet touching my precious carbohydrates makes me want to RALPH. RALPH, I SAY. I AM NOT PAYING MONEY FOR YOUR GROSS FEET TO TOUCH MY DELICIOUS RYE.

Stay tuned for stuff about stuff, MAYBE!
- LV

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All Facts Start As Dreams Dreamt By A Wizard.

Blog
* Actually, that explains an awful lot. About everything. Title is from Mr. Show with Bob & David.

I haven't done a check-in with my friends and how they're making the internet awesome lately, have I? Let's do that, shall we?

FollowFriday
* MissBanshee, hero of Dirty Jersey, 1/3 of my 'sisters from another mister,' actually talks to crazy people. No, like really crazy. The insane homeless love her ALMOST AS MUCH AS I DO, and she will one day use her army of crazy homeless to defeat the Jersey Shore Menace. Follow her on Twitter here.

* Laroux74 is one of my oldest friends, ANOTHER 1/3 of 'sisters from another mister,' and she is a musical GODDESS, and she knows more about cool shit than you do, AND she has no patience for bullshit bartenders, and if she loves you, you live forever. TRUFAX. Follow her on Twitter here.

* Millarca is most strange and extraordinary. She is all fabulosity and fierceness, and if she runs for President of the Universe, I will vote for her, and the world will be a better place, and there will be more tattoos and glitter and animals, and secks0rs and KNITTING. Also, Ianto would be OK. Follow her on Twitter here.

* Dances With Elvis with either A) fuck you up for being a fool, or b) Fill your life with science and art and EPIC AWESOME. It depends on how dumb you are. And how much caffeine she's had. Follow her on Twitter here.

* When Stina takes over the world by force, cleverness, and her wicked comprehension of technology, stupid people will be banned, so you'd better be freaking nice to her now. Also, she will tell the world scary stories over her intercom that covers the planet, and it will be great. But Peeps will be executed. Follow her on Twitter here.

Help For Haiti
* Ambrosia and Bliss continues their selling of all things pretty, and for every item sold, $10.00 gets donated to the American Red Cross:

Does this yarn make anyone else feel calm, and sort of like listening to Jefferson Airplane? Just me? All right, then.

* Yberry is donating 25% of all sales to Doctors Without Borders, AND her shipping is free, and really, she may be a Yarn Fairy:

Come on, magic is TOTALLY involved in this process.

* Not to be outdone, UglyShmugly is donating 100% of her January sales to Haiti. These rowmarkers will make your knitting feel PRETTY:

My knitting needs to feel pretty. JUST SAYING.

* Knot My Day Job lets you give 25% of your sale to Doctors Without Borders, WHILE BUYING spindles. And yarn.

I need to learn how to use a spindle. Without destroying the planet. You laugh because you underestimate my skills of clumsiness.

Words Of Win

[Found at Friggin Random]

Food!Win
* HAS ANYONE EVER EATEN THIS?

[Found at CakeSpy]
OK, I will calm down. This is a St. Louis Gooey Butter cake. It is made with yellow cake mix, butter, eggs, sugar, AND THE GROUND UP WINGS OF FAIRIES. Sorry, but look at it! I want to nom it with my coffee. MAKE THIS HAPPEN. Has anyone eaten this? Was it everything I like to imagine?

Want
* This is a great way to use your old cassettes, especially if you're like me and simply cannot throw out old media because part of you believes that when the zombie apocalypse comes, only old-school things will work. Ahem. This is a cassette tape closet:

[Found at Incredible Things]
Of course, this becomes much less impressive if you have lame cassettes. Like, if you have everything Yanni has ever done on cassette, maybe you keep your cassette tape closet in the basement. Or the attic. Away from mocking eyes.

Daily Hot Guy

[Seth MacFarlane, who I must repeat, AD NAUSEAM, is probably a hideous bastard, and I don't even WATCH half the shit he does, but his voice is EAR SEX, and he is so smug I can't help but be sort of charmed (attracted), AND he hangs out with Seth Green, which means he's a good person. IT'S A FACT.]
Oh, and this video of Seth MacFarlane doing Family Guy voices is amazing. Really. Yeah, voice pron is VITAL to true love.

Whut?
* So.... poo helps you learn?

[Found at Nerd Approved]
I... it's poo. What does it teach me? That dinosaurs used to poo? That dinosaurs are AWESOME and maybe I should just go buy a copy of Jurassic Park on DVD, because no one's life is complete without it? That poo is funny no matter HOW old you are? That poo can be fossilized, and millions of years from now may be all that's left of you? That even at 24, and a Responsible Adult, your faithful blogger still wants a pet raptor to ride around on and maybe eat people who anger her?

Wow. I did learn a lot.

Movie!Win
* I want to see this movie soooo badly, and I apologize for NOTHING:

Angels with guns. And tattoos. And they blow shit up. I'm not kidding, I will go see this myself.
And yeah, Paul Bettany is hot and British. Not that I notice such things.

May your Friday be pleasant and uneventful. Or filled with hot British angels sworn to protect you from the apocalypse.
- LV

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