You're Wet. Allow Me To Dry You Off - WITH MY PANTS!

Blog
* Say what you will, I freaking miss this show. Title is from Clone High.

* SilentWK draws pictures that I try to climb into:

That Inglorious Basterd by =SilentKW on deviantART
INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS COMES OUT TOMORROW. Sorry, off topic. SilentWK has drawings of Zachary Quinto and the Joker that make me giggle with awe. Giggle because they are so gorgeous, and awe because, well:

Mr. Irons - Finale by =SilentKW on deviantART
JEREMY IRONS FTW. I was listening to his reading of Lolita last night on the train. It was weird and I enjoyed it.

Daily Buy
* I joke often about being a ninja, mostly because I am not in any way, shape, or form. But I still think I deserve this:

[Found at Think Geek]
And it's only $30.00, and it's a NINJA UMBRELLA OF EPIC JUSTICE. I just want it. If you can't understand why, I pity you.

Holiday!Fail
* TWO SHOTS TO THE HEAD TWO SHOTS TO THE HEAD:

[Found at Santa, NO!]

Fandom
* It's Monday. This is a little bit beyond my skills:

[Found at Boing Boing]
I really don't know anymore, guys. Why is the Stormtrooper also a ballerina? Who thinks of combining these things? Star Wars: The Ballet? These are questions I do not want to answer.

Jersey!Fail
* Have you watched Jersey Shore?

VH1 TV Shows | Music Videos | Celebrity Photos | News & Gossip

THOSE PEOPLE DO NOT REPRESENT ME. I AM NOT AFFILIATED WITH THEM.

Really, can't you guys just leave us alone? Go make fun of Maine for a while. THEY HAVE LOBSTERS.

Star Trek
* This is weird and funny and Star Trek.

This is what they're really saying, you know. Ignore the 'dialogue' from the 'episode' and trust Paraguay.

Daily Hot Guy

[Nathan 'The Hammer Is My Penis' Fillion. Future husband of one of my dearest friends. TRUFAX.]

Inglourious Basterds
* WHAT IS GOING ON TODAY ON THE INTERWBEZ?

Really, Quentin? This is not the way to reward my devotion.

Art
* I went to the Tim Burton exhibit at the MOMA yesterday (and if you get a chance, you should go - it was INCREDIBLE), so I know a thing or two about art:

[Found at DVICE]
This is not art. This just makes me cry and have to go sit in a quiet room.


Words Of Win
* This is both funny AND depressing, much like Monday itself:

see more Epic Fails

OK, I have to go do things with stuff.
- LV

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My Lifeless Remains Cannot Sue The City?

Blog
* Mine can. They totally can. TRUFAX. My lifeless remains have powers. I think I have officially grown beyond the powers of caffeine. I weep. Title is from Castle (he really is ruggedly handsome).

* Dammit Michelle, stop posting images of things that need to be mine! I am going to be a pirate on her ship. And we shall be feared. Oh, how we shall be feared! And the art she's working on is gorgeous. I know these things.

* The itty bitty kitty cupcake is happy to see me!

[Drawn by Erin]
The question is, honestly, do I hug it or eat it? DAMN its survival techniques. It's so cute. Or maybe it's like the cow in The Restaurant at the End of the Universe and WANTS me to eat it? But.... it is a kitty! I want to eat it. No, I don't. I'm really confused. I think I'll just pet it and go away now.

* So I am late to the Supernatural party, but I am bringing the booze and drugs, if I am allowed to stretch the metaphor. I have two people to thank for this (because, really, I needed another fandom. Yeah, definitely) and Megan is one of them. She also has the best cache of Jackie Earle Haley pictures ever. I should steal them. FOR SCIENCE. No, I'm lying. Science has nothing to do with it. Nothing at all.

* Theresa points out how The Last Unicorn traumatized all of us. Which it did. She's wrong about The Goonies, although trauma might explain why I still love Corey Feldman and endorse his increasingly questionable life choices. I think I need to go make a special harpy mace now. Scariest scene ever.

Freakangels Friday
* Huzzah! It is still raining in Whitechapel, shit is going DOWN, I want to be a steampunk, and Mr. Ellis, who just tweeted about his crotch-scratching adventures (truth!) has blessed us undeserving FOOLS with another entry of the greatest webcomic ever, FREAKANGELS. That may be an exaggeration. MAYBE. I admit to nothing. I think I could be KK for Halloween, only nobody would recognize me, and it would end up like that now-infamous Halloween party where I made the hostess cry. Which no one needs. Anyway, I will read the comic AFTER I post this entry, so spoilers will be below by signature. I made a FREAKANGELS shirt. What did you do to appease the Ellis god?

Scary
* This is all Megan's fault. This whole category can be blamed on her. She showed me this video, and I had so many fucking nightmares about Hubert Cumberdale. I'd seen it before, but I had BLOCKED it, because of the trauma. Also, 'You taste like sunshine dust' is the scariest thing ever, except for the line about red water. I'm scared again:


Dollhouse
* It really does puzzle me, how the random placement of categories ends up with shows being discussed on the dates they air. This blog is a magical place. Moving on, did Dollhouse redefine science fiction success? I think that's too broad a question. I mean, you need to count in the Joss Factor, as I just decided it will be called. He has devoted fans. Scary devoted. As we should be, because he is brilliant and I love him. Even if he does give us nothing back but PAIN.

But Dollhouse is not getting good ratings, because most people go out on Fridays. Personally I think Fox renewed because they didn't want to deal with the madness and fan hysteria that surrounded the cancelation of Firefly (Note: Firefly was a better show, in the few episodes it had, than Dollhouse's first few episodes, although Epitaph One may be one of the best Whedon episodes of any show, and I frankly think a lot of the panic over Dollhouse was more in principle than based on the show love (until Topher got super-awesome and Alpha Wash showed up, of course, and then the show got AMAZINGLY good).

Anyway, this is my usual plea for you all to watch the show, because A) Alpha Wash, B) the scene where Topher and Whiskey had their little 'discussion' was hot and sad and I hope one or both of them cracks (although if Topher dies, as I have predicted because I am a cloud of negativity and DOOM, you will all have to comfort me with money and clothes) C) there needs to always be a show by Joss Whedon on TV, D) Due to Twitter conversations with remains, I am holding out hope for an Alpha Wash spinoff costarring Neil Patrick Harris, with cooking by Zachary Quinto as Sylar. Yes, the internet is AWESOME.

Epic!Fail
* This is not a funny category today. This makes me genuinely angry and sick. Two radio DJs encouraged violence against transgender children. Now I want to speak carefully here, because while encouraging violence against anyone for who they are is deeply fucked up, that's not specifically what I'm getting into.

These guys are encouraging violence against children. Children who, if they are transgendered (these DJs seem to put any male that doesn't fit the very narrow stereotype of masculinity in this category) are already dealing with a myriad of personal and emotional issues). The level of hostility is TERRIFYING:

For his part, States bragged that if his own son were to ever dare put on a pair of high heels, States would beat his son with one of his own shoes. He urged parents whose own little boys expressed a desire to wear a dress to verbally abuse and degrade them as a viable response.

This goes beyond personally/morally disagreeing with someone else's way of life. You don't have to like how someone else lives, who they are. It would be nice if people didn't hate other people because of the way they are born, but it's unlikely to change any time soon.

But encouraging violence against transgendered people - children in particular - is sick. I have friends who are transgendered. Coming to terms with that on their own was an incredibly difficult experience, and they have my admiration and awe for their courage. But some of them had to deal with violence, verbal and physical. When they were in middle school and high school. And not just from their classmates.

Look, bottom line: you don't have to 'approve' of transgendered people. Hell, you don't have to approve that I'm a girl, or that Lance Bass is gay. Your approval doesn't change who people are. But encouraging violence against people who are different - KIDS who are different - is sick.

As if high school doesn't suck enough.

We now return to general randomness.

Books
* I don't need a sequel to the Winnie The Pooh books. You can have one, if you want. I mean, I won't read it (and we don't need some damn otter in our woods, THANK YOU VERY MUCH), but you can.

And Pooh does not have OCD. Shut up. Stop analyzing my childhood loves.

Daily Hot Guy

[Nathan Fillion, AKA Richard Castle, AKA Mal Reynolds, AKA Captain Hammer. The hammer is his penis. Requested by Kaishabackwards, who is working on her terrible death whinny.]

Childhood!Fail

see more Fail Blog

Torchwood
* Here's another article on how Torchwood is getting a fourth season, but will Ianto fans watch, after Russell T. Davies CHEWED ON OUR SOULS LIKE SWEET SWEET CARAMELS?
For my part, yes, I will probably watch an episode or two to see what happens. I won't be happy about it, and will probably scream at whoever is with me, 'THIS WOULD BE BETTER WITH IANTO. THEIR COFFEE WILL SUCK FOREVER NOW!' and other such nonsense. But I'm interested in what they do. And I really do like John Barrowman. It's not his fault that the creator of Torchwood hates sexy Welsh coffee boys.

Um, Blogger keeps sending me an error message when I try to add more labels, and I'm getting scared that it will soon not let me post this AT ALL, so I think I'm just going to go read Freakangels now. Spoilers below my signature.
- LV

WARNING: Spoilers for this weeks' FREAKANGELS Below
This would have been a very exciting week, if I gave a shit about KK. I know, I'm a bitch. But I have decided that I only care about Arkady and Karl, and I will not compromise on this. At least we finally GOT some Arkady. It's been all Kait and Luke and Kirk. BRING ON ARKADY AND KARL. AND LET THEM LIVE.

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Bruce Campbell Can Watch A Season Of '24' In Just 3 Hours.

Blog
* Title is true. But I'd rather watch a season of Burn Notice over and over. Why can't Bruce Campbell come into my life and serve me Fuzzy Navels and teach me about life? DON'T I DESERVE THAT?

* I have been working on a List of Fandom Rules since a discussion on Twitter last night about inappropriate/appropriate fandom behavior. It is essentially done, and I will be posting it later. I am also accepting contributions on ANY aspect of fandom you think should have rules. You will be credited. Email me your rules/suggestions at elle.veev@gmail.com.

* I wrote some about Michael Jackson, but it didn't feel right to sandwich it in between Tattoo Of Win and, I don't know, obscene furniture. So I'll post that entry right after this one.

Life
* Yesterday was a weird day. Like, a WEIRD FRIGGING DAY. Farrah Fawcett died, then Michael Jackson died, then Jeff Goldblum and Harrison Ford died, only not really, then a really great thing happened for me career-wise, then I got my LSAT scores. I AM EXHAUSTED. AND I HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO THIS WEEKEND. So this entry is going to be me posting whatever the hell I feel like, BECAUSE.

Freakangels Friday
* When the world is in chaos, and Mark Sandford is sexing it up in foreign countries and iconic people are dying, and sick bastards online are pretending Jeff Goldblum died, WHICH IS NOT OK, YOU FUCKERS, and it's raining AGAIN, and our deepest beliefs are proven to be nothing more than flimsy lies, we can always turn to Warren Ellis. He will distract us with his genius/offend us with his comments. That is what he does. As every week, I will read the comic after I write this. Spoilers below my signature.

Tattoo Of Win

[Found at LOLTATZ]

Food
* After drinking celery-flavored soda, I feel like I am emotionally and physically prepared to handle ANY weird soda you throw at me. Except kimchi-flavored. I have an aversion to that stuff. One of my college roommates kept it under her bed, despite the fact that we HAD A FRIDGE IN THE NEXT ROOM. Whenever I see kimchi now, I get the urge to clean.

Comics
* ROBOCOP COMIC! I will be happy so long as it is even HALF as awesomely ridiculous as the movie. PLEASE don't get rid of the silly. And violence. Massive quantities of violence. I want the pages to be slightly damp with blood.

Words Of Win
*
[Found at Indexed]

YouTube Wonders
* Due to the crazy overwhelming of yesterday, I have been looking for links/images/videos in my Bookmarks for this blog that make me happy. And when you need happiness in your life, you turn to Will Arnett, AKA Gob. Gob makes everything better. Except herpes. I think Gob actually makes that worse. But not Will Arnett. Even if he IS going to be in that G-Force movie about the gerbil spies that I cannot DEAL WITH TODAY.

Great To See You Feat. Will Arnett, Amy Poehler, Peter Serafinowicz and Sarah Alexander from Will Arnett

Don't you feel better about EVERYTHING?

Books
* Haha, Simon and Schuster just gave the middle finger to the Kindle, which I support. Although don't assume that I'll be purchasing this Scribd thing. I read books made from ink and paper, because I hate the environment and trees.

People I Love
* Dude, there is HAIR at the end of Bruno's bull-penis:

[Found at WorldOfWonder]
And you KNOW he specifically requested that. Sacha Baron Cohen is a sly imp of mischief and good cheer. And penis fur.

Daily Hot Guy

[Continuing this blog theme of naked hot guys (WHAT? THEY MAKE EVERYONE HAPPY), here is Nathan Fillion, who makes people ecstatic even while fully clothed. Also, this picture makes me think of this XKCD comic:

Which is genius and I hope Nathan Fillion knows about it and laughs]

Star Trek
* Look, I won't lie, I just want Chris Pine to scream "KHAAAAAANNNNN" real loud at some point in the next movie. The rest is incidental. Although if Zachary Quinto wants Spock to go through pon farr, I will not complain.

TeeVee
* Further proof that I belong in England, where they have The IT Crowd, as opposed to America, where we have Dance Your Ass Off. Oh, sure, the DVD is out in America now, but that HARDLY makes things better.

Journalism
* It's very sad that Joe Scarborough doesn't want to live anymore. That' s the only explanation for him CONTINUING to discuss Jon Stewart. Here's a hint, Joe: He's angry because you are stupid, and you lie. These things anger him. Maybe if you stopped talking, he'd calm down and love you like you want. Just an idea.

Geek Want
* You know what I need to get back into the swing of things after yesterday's emotional rollercoaster? A shiv cosy:

[Found at BoingBoing]
Really, can you imagine ANY situation that would not be improved by a shiv cosy? One? Any takers? I didn't think so.

More later, including the Fandom Rules. Which, if you do not send me suggestions (those of you that have are off the hook) will be short and sad. Next post will be my insufficient tribute to Michael Jackson. Spoilers for FREAKANGELS below my signature.
- LV
Spoilers For This Week's FREAKANGELS. Read the Comic before reading This
KARL IS ALIVE. ONE PERSON I LIKE HAS NOT YET DIED. Which means he'll be dead next week. Horribly. And remember that girl Luke was raping? I know she was confused, with all the brain-meddling, but wouldn't you ask why the unconscious man has his pants round his ankles? I mean... I would. And Kait is out of her goddamn skull, officially. It looks like Guantanamo Bay in a basement. I kind of think Arkady is going to have an enormous problem with this torturing thing. It's frowned about in polite society. ARE THEY GOING TO KILL LUKE? Mr. Ellis, well done once again.

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Curse Your Sudden But Inevitable Betrayal!

Blog
* Title is from Firefly. I miss Wash.

Doctor Who
* This is a rumor, but it sounds like it could be true. There will be three weddings in the Whoniverse (that was awful), including Rose marrying the quasi-Doctor in her universe. But but! I have a question: If when Donna was made a Time Lord she almost exploded and had to have her memory wiped because there can't be a half human/half Time Lord thing, A) Then why doesn't the quasi-Doctor explode? How does that work, and B) If quasi-Doctor can't die for some hackneyed reason, wouldn't any potential Doctor spawn die? Can someone explain this to me? Also, and non-sequitur, my delightful Twitter friend Kristamaru showed me this brilliance:

THE DOCTOR MUST BE THE RIDDLER. FOR AMERICA. FOR ENGLAND. FOR SCOTLAND. FOR THE UNIVERSE. *dies from fangirl love*

WTF, INTERNET?
* You know those stress ball things you squeeze that are supposed to calm you down, only they make me even angrier because I start thinking, 'I'll teach you to squeak at me, you smug little BASTARD'? Well, here are some new ones:

[Found at NerdApproved]
Yes, that is a poop-shaped rocket. And a nipple rocket. A breast nipple rocket. You sit at your desk at your important job, and you squeeze POOP to calm down. Your boss walks by, and sees you fondling a plastic squeaking breast (or, conversely, a plastic squeaking hunk of shit) with a tense look on your face, and decides that those layoffs won't be so hard, after all.

Zombies
* Remember, you MUST destroy the brain. Forget all that other bullshit. It's all about destroying the brain. Write that down. Better yet, if you're a writer pencil-pusher, or compulsive note-taker, pick up one of these babies:

[Found at BoingBoing]
It's a pen that writes. And also can be used to kill people. Or, more realistically, zombies. If you are attacked without warning at your office, these little pens could save your life, and give you enough time to flee to safety. Don't give these pens to teachers those. Last thing you need is little Timmy getting his forehead punched in by an angry math teacher.

Nature
* For those of you with nothing to do this weekend, or trying to escape crippling debt and a miserable and pointless life, here's a map of where you would end up if you dug through the earth. Good luck!

YouTube Wonders

Sometimes - not often, but sometimes - the internet provides perfection that needs no commentary.

Depression Session
* They're taking luxury high-rises and turning them into homeless shelters. This is awesome. These are people who were living on the streets or in really deplorable conditions, and now they have luxury apartments. This makes me happy. The people who bought the few apartments for a lot of money are all bitching about their poor neighbors. Fuck them. They don't like it, they can afford to move. And frankly, when I lived in a high-rise apartment in the Financial District, more of my shit got swiped by my rich young businessmen neighbors than ever got taken from me when I lived in the East Village in a basement. Yeah, I KNEW you were taking my stuff, Mr. Apartment 14C. YOU DIDN'T FOOL ME. YOU AREN'T SO SLICK. So yeah, rich people can suck it.

Russell Brand
* Russell Brand + Piano = A Good Thursday

Girly Shit
* I keep posting these shoes because I WANT THEM WHY ARE THEY SO EXPENSIVE. I am 5'0". I NEED heels. These should be covered by health insurance:

[Found at FabSugar]
Note: I just told my mother of my intentions to spend this summer dressed as a futuristic dominatrix/assassin. Her response? 'Ew.'

Daily Hot Guy

[Nathan Fillion as Captain Tightpants, and Holy Crap he wears that jacket like the biggest badass pimp of the future. It doesn't HAVE to make sense. BUCKLE! SWASH!]

More later. I have to go to work.
- LV

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The Movie 'Ray' Is Loosely Based On The Life Of Alan Moore Only They Substituted Piano Playing For Eating Toddlers & Blindness For The Ability To Fly.

Books
* There's a great quote by Alfred Hitchcock on how paperback books would never replace hardcover, as paperback books suck as doorstops:

[Found at BoingBoing]
This collection of Agatha Christie that ends up being over a foot thick, is probably the doorstop wet dream.

Star Trek
* Say what you will about our president, his policies, and his politics. Our Geek President liked the new Star Trek, loves the old Star Trek, and gives the Vulcan salute. No one who is evil loves Star Trek. Dick Cheney can't even utter the words, or he bursts into flames.

Journalism
* This is either funny because it's true, or the exact way our species will KILL ITSELF through misinformation:

[Found at Neatorama]

Remake Fail
* I cannot even BEGIN to deal with this. There are certain RULES of existence on this planet, and if you don't follow them, you get the fuck off and go to Mars with Doctor Manhattan. One of the primary rules is YOU DO NOT FUCKING REMAKE BUFFY WITHOUT THE WISE AND BENEVOLENT AID OF JOSS WHEDON. The original movie was NOT GOOD (Except for the line about a vampire bite looking like 'A really gross hickey') and Buffy had CRAMPS whenever she saw a vampire and there was no Giles, or Wesley, or Xander, or Spike, or Angel, or Wesley, or ANYONE GOOD. THERE WAS NOTHING. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS? WHY IS JOSS WHEDON NOT SUING THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF EVERYONE? Joss, I was there for the cancellation of Angel and Firefly, the near-cancellation of Dollhouse, the end of Buffy, all of it. Do NOT put me through a bastardization of Buffy. PLEASE.

TeeVee
* Due to some weird TV issues at my house, I can no longer watch MSNBC, which is TRAGIC. So I'm stuck watching CNBC until we fix it. And I still seem to miss people losing their minds and going batshit insane. CNBC Fail.

Geek Want
* Horribly, inexcusably, I was never a Star Wars fan. I liked it and all, but I never subscribed to that fandom. Naturally, it's the only fandom my little brother is interested in, but that's another story. Regardless, I want this so badly:

[Found at Neatorama]
It's got a little frozen Skywalker inside! I kind of wish it had little organ-pillows inside, too, but one has to make do with what one gets, yes?

WTF, INTERNET
* You know, H.P. Lovecraft had a rough life. He had a lot of personal and emotional problems, he was afraid of things with tentacles.... dude had problems. His stories are brilliant and I love them but, like Kafka, reading them is a pretty clear indication that some geniuses need a hug and strong sedatives. Lovecraft is dead, now, which is probably good, because these exist:

[Found at Neatorama]
This is almost mocking the illustrious author. 'Haha, you were tortured by nightmarish visions that destroyed your sanity, here's a TABLE that embodies your worst fears! Look, it's SKITTERING towards you!'
Also, those tables don't look very steady. Just saying.

Daily Hot Guy
* Continuing our Joss Whedonverse theme:

[Nathan Fillion, AKA Mal Reynolds, AKA Captain Reynolds, AKA Captain Tightpants, AKA RIchard Castle, AKA Captain Hammer, AKA Bill Pardy, AKA I Know He Was On Desperate Housewives But I'm Pretending Otherwise Because I Hate That Show & Won't Watch It, AKA Caleb, making giant rubber gloves sexy in a very disconcerting way]

Zombies
* When zombies rule the world, the haiku will be the natural form of communication. True fact. Also, in 2010 Plants Vs Zombies will be the world's only source of economic trade. Think about it.

Animals
* Remember how in that shitty, shitty movie The Happening, they kept talking about the honeybees? No? Well, they did. And that movie sucked. Which has nothing to do with this, which is a honeybee sculpture hive thing:

[Found at BoingBoing]
I just like mentioning that movie because it sucks so bad it causes your eyeballs to explode. And bees are cool. And I've got to go get ready for work. BEES. LASER BEES.

I've either had too much coffee, or not enough, and I can't really decide.
- LV

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