So The Main Causes Of Accidents Are Joy, Sex, & Old Age?

Blog
* Yeah, actually, that's a fair statement. Title is from Mystery Science Theater 3000.

* So, remember guys, I'm going to be gone from Friday 12 February to Sunday 21 February, in England. I make NO promises to blog or do anything like that. I will simply take a shitload of pictures of England and the awesome that occurs there, which I will probably post on my return.

Fandom
* This poster makes me happy every damn time I look at it:

see more deMotivational Posters

Awesome
* Why is this a fail? I think people should be able to buy these for everyone. I want one. They're GENIUS:

[Found at Failblog]
I'm not kidding. This could be the best Valentine ever.

Food!Fail
* This list of things you can spread on bread is a total fucking fail, because it mocks mayonnaise. Mayonnaise is the ambrosia of the gods. I put it on everything. No, really, one of my favorite snacks is dark chocolate with mayonnaise. DON'T KNOCK IT UNTIL YOU TRY IT. God, you close-minded monsters make me sick. MAYONNAISE IS GOOD.

Technology
* I don't know about you, but I don't remember shit about being in utero. I don't really remember anything before the age of four, and most of my four-year-old memories involve The Land Before Time, (AKA the best goddamn movie EVER). What I'm trying to say is, I don't get the need to have the collection of cells in your tummy listen to 'My Humps':

[Found at Like Cool]
Oh, and this line really scares me:

"Researchers have demonstrated that reactive listening begins at 16 weeks, when your wee geek-to-be is roughly the size of a tasty avocado."

Partly because that's highly debateable, but mostly because now whenever someone tells me they're pregnant, I will instantly think, 'WHAT SIZE FRUIT IS THE FETUS?'

Politics
* I love Rahm Emanuel. He is like the Ari Gold of politics. He loses his shit and he says things and everyone freaks out, and it's awesome:

Monstrous hypertension record-setter Rahm Emanuel has A LOT OF SHIT TO DO AND DOESN’T HAVE TIME TO FUCKING HOST THIS FUCKING PANSY-ASS ROUNDTABLE SHIT, but he will GET IT OVER WITH and then will you people SHUT THE FUCK UP FINALLY. Apparently apologizing for a PRIVATE FUCKING REMARK wasn’t good enough for the FUCKING SHRIVERS and now what, he has to KISS SOME SHRIVER’S ASSHOLE and host a DELEGATION ARE YOU SERIOUS JESUS CHRIST OF FUCKING R–… WHATEVER YOU FUCKING CALL THEM… AT THE WHITE HOUSE, are you SERIOUS? FINE, let’s just FUCKING DO THIS…

(For my part, I think everyone overreacted, it wasn't like he screamed obscenities from the White House Press Room (although if he does, I want every YouTube video of that, EVER).

Oh, and Mr. Emanuel was a ballet dancer, which makes me love him so much for so many reasons.

If you say anything about his tights, he will motherfucking wreck you, bitches.

Life Lessons
* The lovely and brilliant Metalouise sent me this, and it cheered me up on a bad day, and more importantly exposed me to the GROSS INCOMPETENCE of our educational system:

Also, kids, remember you can always use the gasoline fires to cook your dog! Just another fun tip from Aunty Elle! Now fetch me a bottle of vodka and some smokes.

Daily Hot Guy

[Alan Rickman, who has rendered it impossible for me to see the new Robin Hood movie, because there is NO OTHER Sheriff of Nottingham beside him, YOU FOOLS.]

Movie!Win
* District 9 is an Oscar nominated film, and this makes me all sorts of happy. So does this interview with Terri Tatchell, writer of the screenplay and wife of director Neill Blomkamp. But no sequels, please, unless you can GUARANTEE the same degree of genius. PS. Ms. Tatchell, don't be nice to Avatar. DON'T ENCOURAGE TALL BLUE HAIR!SEX.

Daily Icon

[Lady Gaga, who is talented, smart, unapologetically weird, and most of all encourages you to celebrate who you are, bizarre as that may be. PLUS, she's short and from New York, and THAT means we should be friends and hang out and she should take me shopping. And I love the placement of that tattoo on her arm.]

Wow
* Dear Universe: If you need to make yet ANOTHER Friday the 13th remake (PLEASE DON'T), I think you need to give Jason this Hello Kitty Chainsaw:

[Found at Like Cool]
Because at the very least, if the movie sucks, I can laugh maliciously as Hello Kitty slaughters half-naked teens.

It's the SNOWPOCALYPSE! SNOWMAGEDDON. SNOWMG. Etc. I have the day off from work.
- LV

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If She Talked Any More Shit She'd Be Shaped Like A Toilet.

Blog
* COMING UP NEXT WEEK: People-shaped toilets! Brought to you by the internet! Title is from True Blood.

Words of Win
* I have some issues with this story:

A 14-YEAR-OLD boy drank gasoline for five years to obtain “energy” – just as his idols “Bumble Bee” or “Optimus Prime” do in “Transformers,” the Sichuan-based West China Metropolis Daily reported yesterday.

A) This kid drank gasoline for five YEARS? HOW IS HE ALIVE?
B) His parents knew about this and DID NOTHING? I don't have kids, but if I did, and I found my child drinking gasoline to be like a giant robot, I'd switch it, I don't know, APPLE JUICE? Something that won't STRIP YOUR INNARDS?
C) He kept this up for five years? Wouldn't you give up after a year or two when you didn't become a giant, super-powerful robot? Maybe I just lack conviction.
D) GASOLINE?

Doctor Who
* Yay, a new Doctor Who audio book read by David Tennent! Ten lives on forever!

`Hello, I'm the Doctor. And, if you can hear this, then one of us is going to die.'

.......Or not. Wait, can I have a third option?

Epic!Fail
* You know what?

see more deMotivational Posters
I'll use the other bathroom. You can use this one. The fact that this picture exists has ruined all of my Friday. It's just Photoshopped, RIGHT?

People I Love
* If it were not for the internet, I might never have seen this inexplicable and frankly fabulous picture:

[Found at Oh No They Didn't]
I take back everything bad I said about the interwebz.
(Note: No, I don't know, nor do I care. Really, I don't know why Quentin Tarantino is biting Christoph Waltz's ear. I HAVE NO IDEA. Some mysteries are best left unsolved]

Daily Hot Guy

[Bruce Campbell as Sam from Burn Notice. You know, Bruce Campbell visited the Virgin Islands once. Now they're The Islands.]

Childhood!Fail
* When I was a kid, my mom read me The Runaway Bunny:

[Found at World of Wonder]
And The Giving Tree. And my parents punished me by sending me to my room, not hinting that I could possibly be SENT AWAY to experience satanic ritual abuse.

Times have changed.

Daily Icon

[Vivien Leigh, actress, fashion fierceness, and BAMF English lady who could out-Southern the Southern Belles. Also Ophelia, Cleopatra, and Blanche Du Bois, among others. Most famously, Scarlett O'Hara, a shrewd bitch and brutally pragmatic woman who took no shit, and rocked some dressed I want. Requested by Alchemistique, who stole Scarlett's wardrobe.]

Awesome
* Whoever sent me this, thank you. I hated Forrest Gump. I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE FOR THIS. Except for Gary Sinise, who was a burning hunk of genius.


Fandom
* Yeah, this dress is not sexy, and I am not wearing it:

[Found at Like Cool]
The girl isn't helping matters. Her expression says, 'Yeah, can I have my paycheck and go wash the stink of failure from my skin?'
Can we just bring NES back?

Food!Fail
* It's things like this that make me profoundly grateful my grandmother does not read this blog. She's Italian, and takes cooking very, very seriously:

[Found at This Is Why You're Fat]
And I'm sure that ravioli stuffed with barbecued rib meat and mashed potatoes, sour cream, bacon and chives, all topped with melted cheddar, bacon, cheese sauce, green onions and shredded cheese breaks every taboo in her book of food.

Although then maybe I'd get an exclusive on a story like, 'Tiny Elderly Italian Woman Beats The Everloving Fuck Out Of Whoever Desecrated The Ravioli.' She would.

Technology
* Why, no, I haven't run out of iPad jokes, why do you ask?


Politics
* James O'Keefe is not a nice person. In fact, he is a shit head. He's not a political figure, so maybe this doesn't actually belong in this category, but he fucked with ACORN and now is fucking with New Orleans, and NOBODY would think that scrawny little piece of fail was a pimp. Oh, and he doesn't seem to like women, or people who are different races, or anybody who's not him. Can I see your cane for a minute, James?

* This photo of Scott Brown, like the iPad, NEVER stops being funny:

[Found at The ISS]
Hey, if the dude can be a naked politician, more power to him. I just think it's funny how naked he is, in Cosmopolitan. Oh, and the Democrats consider this guy to be the Fourth Horseman of the Apocalypse, when we all know it's a tall blue alien that wants to sex us with his hair.

Yes, I'm still pissed about Avatar.

Dollhouse
* Um, so reading this recap of the final episode of Dollhouse made me cry, which was surprising. I mean, the show was criminally uneven, with some of the worst episodes Joss Whedon has ever done, and some of the best episodes of any show he's ever done (Truth. There are a couple of Dollhouse episodes that rank as his finest work).

But I loved it, and I loved Topher and Alpha Wash, and I cried a few times at the series finale (AND AT ELIZA DUSHKU. I apologize for doubting you. You were fabulous.) and now I'm sort of pissed at Joss Whedon for not keeping the show consistently good.

THERE WAS POTENTIAL. AND FRAN KRANZ MAKES ME SHOUTY BECAUSE HE AND ALPHA WASH SHOULD TEAM UP WITH DR. HORRIBLE.

Anyway, all my above natterings are meaningless, because of one line in this article:

(Dear Christopher Nolan: Alan Tudyk should be the new Joker. Love, Everybody Who Knows What's Up.)

HOLY GOD. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE GENIUS THAT HAS BEEN UNLEASHED ON US? I WOULD SEE THIS. I WOULD SEE THE SHIT OUT OF THIS. HE COULD PWN CHRISTIAN BALE AND NOT EVEN BREAK A SWEAT. MY BRAIN IS SO HAPPY WITH THIS IDEA. AND DAVID TENNANT AS THE RIDDLER? I... I need to go lie down....

In other news, I need to knit a mustache for my shark. LITERALLY.
- LV

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Hey, I Couldn't Help But Notice How Much You Look Like Everybody Else!

Blog
* Nothing attracts men more than being nondescript! Title is from Mystery Science Theater 3000.

* I blogged every day this month. I deserve a damn reward of some sort. REWARD ME.

Awesome
* This dude duct-taped his plane together to fly home:

[Found at Unique Daily]
THEN HE FLEW IT HOME. He flew home via the power of duct tape and his own mad genius. That is awesome, so long as I do not have to be IN the duct tape plane. I don't think I'd handle that well. I dislike regular planes. WIthout duct tape.

Fandom
* Russell T. Davies and Joss Whedon, the two men who most consistently break my heart via television, are merged into a glorious collaboration of credits:

AND NO ONE DIES, SIRS. YOU SEE HOW NICE IT IS WHEN YOU DON'T DESTROY EVERYTHING GOOD AND PURE? ....I'm sorry. I watched the series finale of Dollhouse. And I just purchased Torchwood: Children of the Earth. These men are NOT on my good side.

Food!Fail
* I love junk food. I do. I think White Castle is the height of fast food, and if it's unhealthy, I will probably be first in line to eat it.
Hand over the french fries, and most of you will live.

But I do not delude myself into thinking fast food is healthy. Of course it's not healthy. That's the POINT. It's like when I went to a baseball game and they listed the calories for every food item. NO ONE on the planet thinks that a deep fried cheese-filled pretzel is good for you. But it is delicious.

Which brings me to Taco Bell. Taco Bell is good, NOT good for you. Taco Bell is delicious and delightful, and I would NEVER in a million years imagine it as being healthful. SO DO NOT TRY, OK?

WHAT? NO. LET MY FAST FOOD BE UNHEALTHY. IF I WANT HEALTHY, I'LL GO ORDER A FREAKING BAKED POTATO AT WENDY'S.
Click here to see a longer commercial, with full-commentary by the ISS. I'm going to go deep fry some butter.

Technology
* I have a slogan for the good folks at iPad: "For that heavy flow.... of information, use an iPad!" (Please don't send Steve Jobs to turn off my computer, I need it).
And the mockery continues, indefinitely:

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

How can you NOT? Here's a name: iTab, It makes me think of the soda, but at least I don't immediately think of women's feminine products.

Politics
* I really, really like Jenny Sandford, soon-to-be-ex-wife of Mark 'I Cry When I Get Caught Being A Complete Shithead' Sandford. His wife is a smart, classy woman. She did not stand beside her husband while he spouted a torrential flow of bullshit, and CRIED (I'm sorry, but it cracks me up. You are lying to EVERYONE, and leaving your state, which needs you due to economic FREE-FALL, and you go off to bang your girlfriend, you get caught, and you cry? Dude. At least have the balls to man up.). Jenny Sandford focused instead on her sons', and her own well-being, and refused to be party to her husband's pity parade.

I do not agree with her on many issues (or any, I think), but she is a very smart lady with morals and ethics and a sense of self, and I would be delighted if more women like her joined the political arena. At this point, with the parties so divided and everyone freaking out at the opposite side, I think it would be a nice change to really respect the person you're debating.

PS Her husband is the Nite Owl of American politics. He cries naked in his Basement of Shame.

Daily Hot Guy

[Tom Felton from the Harry Potter series, looking every bit the smug, condescending bastard from high school that you hated so much you totally wanted to make out with him... or was that just me? Smug, condescending bastards are sexy, in an angry way. Admit it.]

Dollhouse
* Look, I'm upset about Dollhouse getting cancelled, too, but this is hardly the time to- Oh, forget it:

[Found at Emails From Crazy People]
Priorities? Anyone? No?

Daily Icon

[Patti Smith, punk rock poet, lover of Robert Mapplethorpe, singer supreme, writer, political activist, and one of my biggest heroes. If Ms. Smith saw what had become of CBGBs, she'd rain down eternal hellfire and damnation on everyone involved. Plus she totally covered a Bruce Springsteen song, and lived in Jersey for a time. SO JERSEY WINS HA.]

Nostalgia!Win
* Remember My So-Called Life? Back before I hated Claire Danes, and back when everyone wanted to lose their virginity to Jordan Catalano? Great show. Anyway, then Claire Danes made me hate her through excessive suck, and Jared Leto stopped bathing, which is something only CERTAIN people can pull off. But lo, a change has come:

[Found at World of Wonder]
His hair may have distinct hints of Twilight sparkle!fail, but you know what? His outfit reminds me of David Bowie, so I am going to pretend Jared Leto is going to play David Bowie in a movie. That's right, I'm starting an internet rumor. Spread the word.

Movie!Fail
* Dear Matt Dillion:

NO.
Love, LV
PS You rocked in To Die For!

Want
* SHELVES FROM THE FUTURE:

[Found at Like Cool]
Well, not from the future, but techno-cool, yes? I'd like them. I shall line them with books by Stephen Hawking (who is, in fact, god). TRUTH.

OK, it's Sunday, it's cold.... yeah. I got nothing.
- LV

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We're Planning On Smacking Them Down Like The Hand Of God.

Blog
* This may be one of the best lines ever uttered on network TV. Title is from Glee, which needs to come back on right now, because I am bereft without it.

Whut?
* My uncle sent me this. I must have done something horrible that I don't remember. Because otherwise, this makes no sense:

WHAT THE HELL? No, you know what? I don't want an explanation. Just leave me alone. BRAIN HURTS.

Words of Win
* If your taser catches people on fire and ENGULFS THEM IN FLAMES, you are doing it wrong:

A man in Western Australia was engulfed in flames when police officers fired a Taser stun gun at him.

I know the dude was sniffing petrol, and that is illegal, but maybe just a warning next time? HELLO?

Moment of Win
* This makes me laugh long and hard, which is why I am doomed to hell for eternity and am generally a terrible person:

see more Epic Fails

Doctor Who
* Dear David Tennant: You are so fabulous and funny and sexy and brilliant that it is a little PAINFUL to think about you:

"You go into a supermarket and your face is on a cake and underpants. And all that's very odd. It's not what you imagine when you go to drama school, that you'll be commemorated in plastic and icing, and cotton."

Here's the full interview, and he's Scottish, you know. I just like reminding people.

Daily Hot Guy(s)

[Zachary Quinto and Chris Pine, AKA Spock and Kirk from Star Trek. You know, the original Spock/Kirk started the movement of slash fanfiction. Truth. I learned that in college. Yes, real college. Why is everyone laughing?]

People I Love
* I hate My Super Sweet Sixteen, and everyone affiliated with it, and the fact that it exists at all. However, Charlie Brooker's comments are so freaking funny that they made me laugh through the bitter, bitter tears of how doomed our people truly are:


Epic!Fail
* THIS WAS NOT A GOOD LIFE CHOICE, CHRIS BROWN:

[Found at Best Week Ever]
DON'T YOU PAY PEOPLE TO TELL YOU NOT TO DO THINGS LIKE THIS? Because I would take that job. First piece of advice? Go sit in a room until everyone has forgotten you. And I'd like my money in cash, please.

Daily Icon

[Xaviera Hollander, as requested by Iconic Icon Millarca. Xaviera is a call girl, madam, damn clever writer, and unapologetic BAMF. She broke taboos, and rocks leopard bikinis.]

Awesome
* This was shown to me by Stina, who is a genius and you should be nice to her out of fear, because she is going to rule the world. I get England. AND Wales. HA. Um, anyway, this is a video about knitting and jumpers. And goat penis:

I think I need to ask her for Scotland now too.

It is very cold out. Everywhere. YES EVERYWHERE.
- LV

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Shut Your Noise Tube, Taco Human!

Blog
* What exactly IS a... you know what? I don't want to know. Title is from Invader Zim.

Epic!Fail
* I'm sorry, but it takes cojones grandes to fry chicken after breaking and entering. He's sort of my hero. My jailed hero.

An eastern Pennsylvania man was charged after he allegedly broke into a home, cut his hair and prepared fried chicken before being discovered.

Awesome
* This possibly made my whole week:

[Found at Best Week Ever]
See? It's all a conspiracy. AND AND did you notice it has the October release date at the bottom? WHO RUNS PARAMOUNT? I'm sorry, I'll be quiet now.

Social Networking
* Do you have 200, 300, 400 friends on Facebook? Well, start culling the herd.

But Robin Dunbar, professor of Evolutionary Anthropology at Oxford University, has revealed that human brains are only capable of managing a scant 150 friendships; a number that hasn't changed throughout history, despite our modern fascination with Twitter, blogging and Facebook.

LIES. I remember everyone on my Facebook! Especially.... what? Yeah, this is probably accurate. But Professor Dunbar needs to remember that a large percentage of people who are your friends on Facebook are really 'people I knew in middle school and hated, but they added me and I don't care enough to not add them back.'

Fandom

[Found at Unique Daily]

Daily Hot Guy

[Ian Somerhalder, who is on that show Vampire Diaries and it looks terrible and I will NOT watch it, even though he seems to be evil and snarky and gorgeous.... and pretty.... and mean.... DAMMIT, CW.]

Words of Win

see more Political Pictures

Moment of Win
* HOLY CRAP, NO.

see more Epic Fails

OK, have work early today. Also, Human Target is on tonight. Just like saying that....
- LV

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That's The Worst Goodbye I've Ever Heard. & You Stole It From A Movie.

Blog
* But it's Tallahassee, god dammit! That makes it all OK, right? RIGHT? Title is from Zombieland.

Moment Of Win
* This actually makes me very sad:

see more Epic Fails
But it does say an AWFUL LOT about the universe, does it not?

Doctor Who
* The only thing missing from this insanely gorgeous drawing is Ianto Jones.

Dr Who II by *J-Redd on deviantART
But A) He's technically just from Torchwood, and
B) That much goodness might kill me. I WANT THIS.
There is tons more goodness here at Redd Life Art Works. Make him draw Harley Quinn, OK?

Fandom
* All I can say about this article is: CAPTAIN KIRK SHOULD HAVE BEEN ON DOLLHOUSE. Just the idea blows my mind. MY MIND IS BLOWN. Can you imagine him trading barbs with Alpha Wash? I just want this in my life. Really, for the rest of my life, Echo will be referred to as 'Not-Kirk.'

Daily Hot Guy

[Jensen Ackles, AKA Dean Winchester from Supernatural, AKA Why Is This Dude Not Living In New Jersey, Where We Have The Ghosts And Demons And Also Many Diners? He's a hottie.

People I Love
* Ariana Osborne, colleague of Mr. Warren Ellis, writes a brilliant, wise, and funny piece on blogging, and what it does, and why we do it. I do it because I have a lot of nothing to say. END OF ANALYSIS.

Zombies
* I will continue to post this picture because A) It is brilliant, B) I HAZ A ZOMBIE-HUNTING HAT AND MACHETE IN IT, and B) Zombieland is not out yet on DVD.

Merry Christmas Elle by ~darkravenkiki on deviantART

Epic!Fail
* WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE?

More than 200,000 Swedes joined a Facebook group claiming to be collecting donations to help earthquake victims in Haiti before it was revealed as a hoax by the “Swedish Necrophilia Association”.

Dude, I like a good (bad) joke as much as the next girl. Probably more. I enjoy some pretty twisted humor. But this is NOT funny, it's not clever, it's fucked up and stupid.

If you want to make bad jokes about the pain and suffering of others, I can't stop you. That is your right. If you want to be a brutally insensitive person, have at it. But DON'T screw around with people actually trying to get involved and help those in need. THAT is my issue. If you want to make tasteless, hurtful jokes about people DYING, go for it. But do NOT do something that will discourage people from donating needed money to a cause. OK???

Awesome
* Am I the only girl who would be totally charmed if my boyfriend took me to White Castle for Valentine's Day? My favorite Valentine's Day date is STILL when my then-boyfriend took me to a horror movie, then out for my favorite French toast. Am I a cheap date? Maybe, but I think Valentine's Day should be more about having fun and doing things that will make each other happy, then spending shitloads of money.

Plus, I am from New Jersey, and I love White Castle. If a guy rented a limo to take me there, and made reservations, I would be THOROUGHLY happy. Just saying.

Today I see Legion. LIFE IS GOOD.

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I'm In Pain! I Think This Is What Pain Feels Like!

Blog
* Captain Hammer. The hammer is his penis. Title is from Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog.

Doctor Who
* First off, stop saying 'Geronimo' when discussing the Eleventh Doctor. IT IS NOT A GOOD CATCH PHRASE, people. Second, this analysis of the Doctor Who trailer makes me SAD. I get that David Tennant is gone. I am coming to terms with that. But the Doctor has a GUN. I was upset when Ten had a gun. Eleven did not earn that gun. AND HIS HAIR CONTINUES TO BOTHER ME. CUT YOUR HAIR, TIME LORD.

[Found at io9]
I can't decide if I really love this picture, or think he resembles a young Tom Cruise, which is NOT what I want in the Doctor.

Food!Fail
* See, it's categories like this, and more specifically pictures like this, that make me reconsider writing this blog first thing in the morning:

[Found at This Is Why You're Fat]
I mean, COME ON. That's gross. I can barely handle a cup of COFFEE at this point in the day. I am NOT prepared for Spam Wontons:

Mushroom stuffed with Spam, mayo and garlic, wrapped in a wonton skin and deep fried.

And I am a girl who likes mayo. It's like the best condiment, ever. And mushrooms are ambrosia. But.... look, talk to me after a few energy drinks, and maybe I'll try one, OK? I'M JUST A PERSON. A PERSON WHO NEEDS MORE CAFFEINE.

Technology
* I want a see-through computer screen:

[Found at Geekologie]
Why? Because it's super-cool and high-tech looking and super-awesome, and sometimes super-cool things are ENOUGH, right?

Fandom
* This is an awesome fucking picture:

Harley and Ivy by ~darkravenkiki on deviantART
I want to be Harley Quinn when I grow up.

People I Love

Best. Userpic. Ever.

Zombies
* This just in: Zombieland writers can write whatever the HELL they want, because their rules will keep your sorry ass ALIVE come the zombie apocalypse. So if they want to write G.I. Joe 2, it will be good. SUCH IS THE WORD. That I just wrote.

Politics
* I actually like John McCain, (although I disagree with his politics, he is a smart man, although I'm still cross about Sarah Palin, but that's another story), but this is NOT a good radio advertisement, Senator:

Voice: We know what he endured.
Turned down the chance to go home early.
It was against the prisoner’s code.

Read the rest here. Look, I have nothing but respect for Senator McCain's service to this country and what he sacrificed. But is that really relevant to his being Senator of Arizona? It is? Oh. I did not know that. Never mind, then. I just thought, maybe, we could hear about his stance on issues... no? Do not question the radio advertisements? OK, then.

Daily Hot Guy

[Richard Ayoade, AKA Maurice Moss from The IT Crowd, and my future husband. Really, I have a shameless crush on him, and want to protect him and his hot ear from the world. In this picture, by the way, does he not look like a deliciously mad scientist? LOOK at that trench coat. I apologize for NOTHING.]

Epic Fail
* IN FLORIDA, THEY WILL SEND GRANDMA TO JAIL FOR SPEEDING:

A 78-year-old woman spent more than two weeks in jail, including Thanksgiving, because her case slipped through the courtroom cracks.

But what about her family? Didn't anyone go, 'Where's granny?' NOBODY? EVERYONE FAILS HERE.

Awesome
* ALL HAIL THE KRAKEN:

HAIL IT.

Moment Of Win
* The most terrifying words a parent can hear: "Hey, remember the car?"

see more Epic Fails

Movie!Win
Christoph Waltz won the Golden Globe for Inglourious Basterds, and Quentin Tarantino looked good. I am well-pleased. That doesn't mean I understood his acceptance speech, except that maybe Quentin Tarantino has powers mere mortals cannot comprehend? But who DOESN'T know that?


LV is a Basterd.
- LV

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Where Are You, You Spongy, Yellow, Delicious Bastards?

Blog
* Twinkies and Tallahassee: A perfect combination. Title is from Zombieland, which I would like to be out on DVD NOW, so I could watch it and be joyous.

* Did you happen to notice the wee little DONATE button over to the right there? Well, you know what to do with it, if you're so inclined. More money means more funny!.... I shame us all.

* Go listen to the musical kick-assery that is Danielle Lavigne. RIGHT NOW. DO it. Then check out her website. These are things that will make your life better.

Zombies
* THIS IS HOW THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE STARTS:

Members of a New Mexico family are suing a funeral home, claiming their grandmother's brain was sent home in a bag of personal effects given to them after her death.

Grieving families: Check the personal effects before going home. Organs are a different KIND of personal effect, and need plastic bags if you are determined to bring them home.

Politics
* OK, this cover makes me sort of insane, so if you don't want to read me shouting at InTouch and Sarah Palin, feel free to skip ahead to the next section:

[Found at Wonkette]
Have you read the cover? Stop staring at Rachel Zoe's collar bones. LOOK A THE BIG PICTURE. OK, BULLET POINTS OF RAGE.

* You CHOSE life. Repeat after me. YOU CHOSE LIFE. CHOICE. SO YOU MADE A CHOICE. BUT YOU HAD A CHOICE. Nobody said, (Yes, I AM quoting The Simpsons again, because it is BRILLIANT), 'No abortions for ANYONE,' or 'Abortions for EVERYONE.' You made a choice. AREN'T YOU GLAD YOU WERE ALLOWED TO MAKE A CHOICE?!

* Remember when Bristol said, on national TV, that abstinence education is unrealistic? I DO.

AND ON FOX, TOO. So if abstinence is unrealistic, and teaching kids about condoms is a sin, WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO? Should everyone panic? Arm!flail?

* Sarah Palin, STOP USING YOUR BABY AS A PROP. IT'S A BABY. And being the mother of a Down Syndrome baby is incredibly challenging, but you are not the first person. You are not a HERO for loving a special needs child. You're SUPPOSED to love your baby. It's a BABY.

* Look, nobody LIKES abortion. Nobody is going, 'YIPPEE abortion!' It is a terrible choice to make, and has many ethical, moral, spiritual, and emotional points. THE POINT IS, it is a CHOICE. So, Sarah Palin and her daughter could afford to choose life? That's great. Not everyone can. I don't feel I have the right to tell ANYONE ELSE how to live their lives. I have enough trouble running my own. BUT GAH. THERE IS SO MUCH WRONG HERE. Can every family afford to support their teenager AND the teenager's baby?

* WHY IS INTOUCH MAGAZINE BECOMING A FORUM FOR THESE SORTS OF DISCUSSIONS? GO BACK TO CELEBRITY CELLULITE.

* You're all looking at the Angelina Jolie article, aren't you? Dangerous Pregnancy would be an excellent band name.

Crafts
* I can't decide if this is the stupidest hat ever made, or the only hat I have ever needed to own:

[Found at Regretsy]
No, really, I can't decide. I sort of think I would wear this. A lot. Maybe it's the dumbest hat ever made, AND the only hat you'll ever need. Can't it be both?

Epic!Fail
* I love the Swedes:

A Swedish wife who reckoned her son's treehouse was the best place to check hubby's mobe for evidence he'd been playing away had to be freed by police from the elevated bolt-hole, The Local reports.

There are so many other places to hide out. Your kids' tree house? You get full points for originality. Well done.

Awesome
* Pirates or Ninjas? One of the eternal questions, which I am going to solve right now: PIRATE NINJAS. I know, I know, I scare myself with my brilliance. Here's the whole debate, laid out by Wired, although I think if we're going to assume that the ninja will always defeat the pirate, we should specify what TYPE of pirate.

Movie!Win
* NOTE: All a Nightmare on Elm Street remake links will be labeled as Win, despite my serious reservations about the movie. I WANT IT TO BE GOOD. I DO. I JUST WORRY IT WON'T, and that makes me sad. I love Freddy. Freddy is spectacular and funny and violent and twisted. But I adore Jackie Earle Haley. DO YOU SEE MY CONFLICT? Anyway, watch the new trailer, and see Freddy skewer a teen. It looks good, yes? YES? OH PLEASE DON'T SUCK.


Daily Hot Guy

[Woody Harrelson, AKA Tallahassee from Zombieland. I love Tallahassee. I have major crush issues. We would drink beer and dine on Twinkies and slay zombies, AND WE HAVE THE SAME HAT. Truly, ours is an eternal love. As eternal as the UNDEAD.]

Wow
* This may be the greatest notepad ever made:

[Found at Unique Daily]
But don't look at it while drunk. It could kill you.

Animals
* BABY PANDA BABY PANDA BABY PANDA:

[Found at Huffington Post]
THERE ARE NO WORDS, THERE IS ONLY PANDA.

Tattoo Of Win
* Velveeta cheese is already a part of your body, after eating it only once. A tattoo is unnecessary.

[Found at Ugliest Tattoos]

* They should invent panda cheese. Not cheese FROM pandas.... I should have thought that through.
- LV

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That's Not School! That's 'Schoolhouse Rock'!

Blog
* Frankly, I'd prefer Schoolhouse Rock. Title is from Supernatural.

People I Love
* The International Society of Supervillains once again handles spam, so you don't have to:

800 grand? And that comes after the 1 free cars? And without even one exclamation mark? Is it like, 800,000 Confederate dollars or something? Or worse yet, Canadian dollars?

Although $800,000 isn't that much anymore. I mean, a Nigerian prince offered me $7.5 million. That's some serious cash.

Zombies
* Fuck lawn gnomes, I want a ZOMBIE LAWN SCULPTURE:

[Found at The World's Best Ever]
It will scare the neighbor children to death, and cause decades of therapy. Also it is cute.

Politics
* Look, you can love or loathe Robert Gibbs, but either way, asking him about the premiere of Lost sort of labels you an utter fuckhead for all eternity. Especially at a PRESS CONFERENCE:

Seriously. Fuckheads ask those sort of questions. What's next? 'Does the President have an opinion on America' Worst Cook?'

Crafts
* Bow, BOW I SAY, before the geekiest, most wonderful sweater vest in the history of the universe. That is not an exaggeration:

[Found at Geekologie]
They need to mass-market these, NOW, because I want to wear one with a pair of skinny black jeans and blow EVERYONE'S MINDS.

Epic!Fail
* What is going ON in Wisconsin?

A state report says deer hunters shot dramatically fewer buildings during Wisconsin's November gun hunt.

A Department of Natural Resources report says hunters shot 10 buildings. That's down from 25 in 2008, 19 in 2007 and 15 in 2006.

So.... they shot ten buildings. TEN. And.... we're supposed to see this as a good thing? That they only shot TEN BUILDINGS? I am clearly missing the celebratory aspect of this. Additionally, I am not going to Wisconsin during hunting season.

Awesome
* Space is amazing:

[Found at Neatorama]
Look at it. Can you comprehend how TINY and insignificant we are in comparison? Think of the philosophical and spiritual implications! OK, mostly I'm just thinking how pretty it is.

Daily Hot Guy

[Eddie Izzard, looking like sex in a very fine coat, and is that a gun in his hand? I like that.]

Movie!Win
* I refuse to hear ANYTHING negative being said about The A-Team. I love everyone in it (Except of course for Mr. Not-T), and it has explosions, and it will be amazing if we just BELIEVE IN IT, OK?

Also, Bradley Cooper plus Liam Neeson plus Sharlto Copely? What sort of monster would I be if I complained about that team?

Wow
* The police in Florida CAN FLY:

[Found at Unique Daily]
....in bullet-proof motorized paragliders. That fail to strike fear into the hearts of anyone. Um, good job?

Animals
* This lizard can swim through sand, and is tiny and adorable:

[Found at Unique Daily]
I want ten. They're cute! Tiny sand-swimming lizards for the most popular pet of 2010!

Tattoo Of Win

[Found at Ugliest Tattoos]
I have no idea what this means. NO IDEA AT ALL. Is it a hungry hungry hippo?

WTF, INTERNET?
* OK, no:

[Found at Geekologie]
It's like a fanny pack for your breasts? No. No No No. Just.... no. How uncomfortable does this thing look? I don't want my wallet stabbing me in the breast. I don't need that in my life. And won't your boobs be a bit, I don't know, DISFIGURED? Like pointy and potentially dangerous? That would be amusing for a few seconds, but do you want to be known as 'That Pointy-Titted Chick Who Keeps Her Tampons In Her Cleavage?' I don't. I really, really don't.

Girly Want
* If someone buys me this outfit, I promise to stand on a desolate, warm beach and stare mysteriously off into space for as long as you want.

[Found at Haute Macabre]
And I think I deserve a flowered cap.

Music
* I HAVE NEVER WANTED A BARBIE DOLL SO BADLY. LADY GAGA BARBIE LOVE:

[Found at Incredible Things]
HOLY SHIT, I NEED THESE. ALL OF THEM. LOOK AT HER TINY LITTLE OUTFITS. This is the one I need the most, I think:


Alcohol is an evil demon. TRUST IT NOT.
- LV

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