People I Love * Is this a sign I should get my third tattoo, and it should be Hunter S. Thompson related? Or just a sign that my friends and family know me well enough to send me things like this:
[Found at SloshPot] I think it's the former, but I really would like another tattoo.
[David Tennant, because I watched The End of Time last night, and I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT, OK?! (Russell T. Davis can't write, and that scene at the bar was UNACCEPTABLE, and David Tennant is a much better actor than the material he is given). Bye, Ten.]
Girly Shit * This is a very ugly shoe: [Found at Shoe Lust] Not much I can add, really.
It has come to my attention that the music industry now wants royalties for those 30-second clips of music you hear in iTunes. That, I think you’ll agree, is bullshit. Seeing as how we’re a solution-oriented blog here at CrunchGear, I want to offer a completely fool-proof way to save the music industry and put an end to the years and years of nonsense we’ve seen since Napster was first released: let’s ban music. That’s right, let’s pass a law that says “the creation or performance of music, in any form, is hereby banned. Any violation of this law will be punishable by death.” Problem solved, let’s all play Hungry Hungry Hippos.
Is there some way we can make CrunchGear in charge of all music decisions? FOREVER? I'd vote for them.
That Inglorious Basterd by =SilentKW on deviantART INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS COMES OUT TOMORROW. Sorry, off topic. SilentWK has drawings of Zachary Quinto and the Joker that make me giggle with awe. Giggle because they are so gorgeous, and awe because, well:
Mr. Irons - Finale by =SilentKW on deviantART JEREMY IRONS FTW. I was listening to his reading of Lolita last night on the train. It was weird and I enjoyed it.
Daily Buy * I joke often about being a ninja, mostly because I am not in any way, shape, or form. But I still think I deserve this: [Found at Think Geek] And it's only $30.00, and it's a NINJA UMBRELLA OF EPIC JUSTICE. I just want it. If you can't understand why, I pity you.
Holiday!Fail * TWO SHOTS TO THE HEAD TWO SHOTS TO THE HEAD: [Found at Santa, NO!]
Fandom * It's Monday. This is a little bit beyond my skills: [Found at Boing Boing] I really don't know anymore, guys. Why is the Stormtrooper also a ballerina? Who thinks of combining these things? Star Wars: The Ballet? These are questions I do not want to answer.
Daily Hot Guy [Nathan 'The Hammer Is My Penis' Fillion. Future husband of one of my dearest friends. TRUFAX.]
Inglourious Basterds * WHAT IS GOING ON TODAY ON THE INTERWBEZ?
Really, Quentin? This is not the way to reward my devotion.
Art * I went to the Tim Burton exhibit at the MOMA yesterday (and if you get a chance, you should go - it was INCREDIBLE), so I know a thing or two about art:
Shhhhh.... by ~DanceswithElvis on deviantART See, if I was this talented I would only draw for myself, and never share my work with anyone. But Michelle does, because she's a much better person than me. AND she's accepting commissions, and if I had money I would totally ask for some insane, epic fanart that would shame her as she drew it, and she'd never tell anyone about it because it would be so nuts, the end. So, in conclusion, order some work for her, and make the world a little more artistic.
Daily Buy * I think Patience showed me this, but I feel like this has always been a part of me, I WANT ONE SO BADLY: [Found at Squishable] SHARKY SHARKY SHARKY. DO WANT. PLEASE BUY THIS FOR ME. It is huge and huggable and snuggly. I'm just sad they don't have goats. I want a goat. ANYWAY, these will delight the children in your lives, or the totally bad-ass adults who enjoy snuggling ginormous balls of LOVE.
Holiday!Fail * I try not to comment on other countries, because that would be rude and presumptuous, and anyway I have my hands full commenting on my own country (mostly bits stolen shamelessly from The Daily Show, but I digress), but really, Austria, we need to talk:
An Austrian group has called for a ban on Father Christmas amid fears that the foreign invader is usurping the role of the traditional Christkind sprite.
So now we're banning Santa Claus. Because he's a foreign invader. Look, Santa Claus is one of the most innocuous figures in the world. He brings presents and his stomach shakes like a bowl full of jelly. I'm decidedly unaffiliated with any religion, and I like Santa. Dude brings you presents. That's awesome. Also, their solution to have a little blonde baby bring the presents instead A) Doesn't help their argument against Santa's commercialism, and B) Offers up the terrifying vision of a tiny baby dragging itself and several large presents across the floor of your jome in the dead of night,
Crafts * So, I think we can all agree that Mystery Science Theater 3000 is the greatest TV show ever that makes fun of bad movies.
Now imagine your WHOLE LIFE as narrated by Crow T. Robot, Tom Serve, and Joel (WHAT? Joel was my favorite. No offense, Mike, I love you as well, but Joel was the original, OK?).
BEHOLD: [Found at Gizmodo] ZOMG. And you make them, and maybe I will make them for someone as a holiday present, then keep it for myself, because the world would be a better place with more MST3K.
Russell Brand * On one hand, I don't care who Russell Brand dates, because I don't know him, it doesn't alter my life on ANY level, and caring would be sort of insane.
On the other hand, I really dislike Katy Perry and her twee-ness, and his APPROVAL of said twee makes me sad, because his autobiography was extremely wonderful, and I think he's fantastic. Plus there hasn't been much going on in the world of Mr. Brand that doesn't involve Ms. Twee, and this isn't a damn gossip site, so I'm not going to be going, 'THIS JUST IN. RUSSELL BRAND AND KATY PERRY WENT TO THE GROCERY STORE AND BOUGHT ARTICHOKES, MORE AT ELEVEN.'
But this picture needs to be shared:
This is the caption:
I must make this writing sexy. If taken from the front you’d see the unusual appendage I use for typing.
Russell Brand, minus a shirt, plus a computer. FEAR AND LOATHING missed you, Mr. Brand. And I still think that if you date Lady Gaga, the age of Aquarius will be upon us.
Iron Man * I know you've seen this poster, but you need to see it again, because Iron Man is epic win: [Found at io9] And this poster focuses on what MATTERS in Iron Man: Robert Downey, Jr. in ARMOR. TEAM RDJ.
Daily Hot Guy [Chris O'Dowd, AKA Roy from The IT Crowd, who is IRISH, as if he needs any more help being sexy as hell. There needs to be more IT Crowd. Even though I prefer Moss. Megan can have Roy, I'll have Moss, and all will be well in the world. ]
Inglourious Basterds * Do not question Quentin Tarantino. He works in mysterious ways. If he says the next volume of Kill Bill will not be for a while, then we, his loyal fans, must respect his wisdom. Oh, and it's not going to be called Kill Bill. Which makes sense.
Tattoo Of Win * I can't decide if I'm being sarcastic or not, because, DUDE, it's Chop Top: [Found at LOLTATZ] But he sort of looks like John Leguizamo. That's freaking me out.
Food!Win * This is indeed a technicolor nightmare: [Found at This Is Why You're Fat] But imagine you are A) Reeling from a horrific breakup B) Drunk C) Have five minutes left to live D) Have ingested chemicals of questionable legality E) Some hideous combination of the above, then this meal of an Orange soda strawberry ice cream float topped with Skittles is probably the most delicious thing ever.
I'd like one. Right now. And I have none of the above excuses. It just looks pretty and sugary.
Girly!Shit * This looks like the shoe of a dominatrix elf of doom: [Found at Shoe Lust]
Comics * I love Joe Hill, and I love comics, so when he writes comics there is no negativity to be found. Plus the Lovecraftian angle is massively entertaining: [Found at Joe Hill Fiction] Of course, my local comic book store does not CARRY these comics, and the one that does is far away and if I go in while wearing a skirt there's a serious chance of one of the clerks stroking, because females don't read books with PICTURES, HAHA. God, I hate this town sometimes.
Welp, we had a good run, did we not? I for one enjoyed the clothes, and some of the people, and energy drinks. WHO looks at sharks, and thinks cocaine? Similarly, what sick bastard dreams of stuffing dead sharks with cocaine? WHAT IS GOING ON?! It must be Thursday. I could never get the hang of Thursdays.
Inglourious Basterds * I take a lot of shit from my beloved and well-meaning friends over my Quentin Tarantino love. It's easy to ignore, because true love is BEYOND their petty jealousy, and I've been hearing the same shit since I was twelve, so I'm immune. But when one of my friends sent me a link with the words, 'What the HELL is your fiancee wearing?" I felt cold, clammy fear: [Found at Go Fug Yourself] Oh, honey, NO. WHY? It HURTS me so. Clearly, you are just trying to steer my attention away from Jackie Earle Haley and your friend Tim Roth, who does not GO OUT IN PUBLIC DRESSED WITH FROGS ON HIM. I have decided to endorse the following explanation:
It does sound right. It sounds wonderful. Oh, QT, our love defies such petty things as distance, or reality, or hideous fashion choices, or my friends' accurate statement that 'He looks like an expensive sausage' or ANY of it. Because I've had a crush on you since I was twelve, and some things are DOOMED. But then again, my mother loves frogs, so perhaps this is all a clever plan to win over my mom, who finds my love for you 'weird and gross'? BRILLIANT, SIR. MAKE ANOTHER FROM DUSK TILL DAWN, PLEASE.
Daily Hot Guy [Zack Snyder, AKA Hottest Director Around. I was considering leaving Quentin Tarantino as today's DHG, but even I, who admit I have a CRUSH, don't think that picture is the best example of his win. So here's a very hot director, and if anyone could find me a picture of Snyder and Tarantino together, I will be your best friend. In theory.]
Life Lessons * This blog does not have a good history with Venn Diagrams, but I like this one, so let's try it again, SHALL WE? [Found at Neatorama] For what it's worth, I'm against any pet that seems interested in chewing on your childs' head. I am FIRM on that matter.
Sherlock Holmes * Gareth David-Lloyd is Watson in a Sherlock Holmes adaptation. His mustache is tiny and makes me sad, but his suit makes me happy, and as someone who has read everything Sir Arthur Conan Doyle wrote, multiple times, and ALSO loves Gareth David-Lloyd, you will find NO SNARK from me here. Even if there is a freaking T-Rex, which is NOT what Sir Arthur Conan Doyle had in mind, and WHO WROTE THIS? I NEED TO SPEAK TO THE AUTHOR.
Whut? * Yeah, this category is for shit I do not understand. I don't know: [Found at World Of Wonder] Really, I have no fucking clue. It's a barbell with LEGS.
Oh, and this is both a tribute to the brilliant and lovely Miss Banshee, who made this, and a gift to my friend who is having a long day:
Time to go kick Thursday in the nuts. Better wear cute shoes... - LV
* Yet another reason I shouldn't write this blog while having breakfast: [Drawn by Erin] Now I'm nervously watching my egg. This is going to end badly, isn't it? Most sinister egg EVER. That is the Moriarty of eggs.
Torchwood * I have to admit, I didn't watch this video again before I posted it. Because it makes me cry, and that is embarrassing for SO MANY reasons, because Children of the Earth happened MONTHS ago, and it's fiction, and I need to move on with my Torchwood rage:
Ianto wouldn't make me drink coffee without sugar. Just saying.
Inglourious Basterds * Have I posted this video before? Of Quentin Tarantino's top movies since 1992? Probably, but I like it, and it's funny and interesting, and I don't care. So I'm going to post it again, and you'll all enjoy it, because it's Quentin Tarantino (NOTE: Those of you who dislike Tarantino probably won't enjoy it. No sense in lying to you):
Star Trek * This is the best, most accurate list of the best to worst Star Trek movies. Wrath of Khan will always be the best. Deal with it. And First Contact was freaking amazing, especially with Data being all badass and scamming on the Borg Queen. And Insurrection sucked. But my least favorite movie is still The Motion Picture. Did you see that film? Even as a little kid, I was like, 'Damn, that us sub-par filmmaking.'
And I'm glad they didn't include the new Star Trek reboot on this list, because I dearly love it, and don't want to have to put it above or below the 'classic' movies. Note: The last two Next Generation movies are not classics. Sorry.
People I Love * Speaking of Spock (HA, almost alliteration), I'm sure you've all seen the video Hostage: A Love Story, featuring Zachary Quinto. It's one of the best things ever. My favorite scenes are: 1. When Zachary Quinto yells at his penis, and 2. When Zachary Quinto yells at the drooling baby.
It's so freaking funny. Heroes should include a plotline where Sylar yells at his crotch. It would be funny.
Daily Hot Guy [Jonathan Rhys-Meyers, who is very pretty, but not my type, in part because in pictures he tends to have Crazy Eyes. I saw this picture and yelled, 'KING HENRY DID NOT LOOK LIKE THAT. HISTORICAL INNACURACY.' I know nobody else cares. Requested by Lindragon, whose history book is filled with strangely attractive royalty.
Writing * I love onomatopoeia. In part because I can spell it. Actually, that may be the only reason I love that word. I also like tasers: [Found at Indexed]
Movie!Fail * Reasons I will not be excited about the Ridley Scott vampire movie: I hated Gladiator. I'm sorry. No, I'm not, really. It was like Braveheart, only worse (I wasn't crazy about Braveheart), and it was stupid, and deserved NO Oscar nominations. And I love Ridley Scott, but he is not a consistently non-suckish director (did you see A Good Year? That shit HURT), and the screenwriter has positives and negatives in his resume. And I'm tired of vampires, even if I wrote a book about them, unless they are A) scary, B) funny, or C) unaffiliated with Stephene Meyers or Anne Rice. I hated Interview With The Vampire, too. That one I am sorry about. Maybe.
Blog * Dean Winchester giving out free hugs? Totally worth zombie attacks. Title is from Supernatural.
* Michelle is my friend, but she's also an obscenely talented artist. Like, sometimes I look at her work, and think, 'dammit, why can't I draw ANYTHING?' My favorite is probably her drawing of Death. She's nearing 10,000 pageviews, which is badass, but she deserves many, many more. So go check out her gallery. And be sickened by how great she is.
* I don't know if she drew this because I mentioned them, or if Erin drew this for reasons I cannot begin to comprehend. Either way: [Drawn by Erin] I finally, for the first time, comprehend Stephen Colbert's intense hatred and fear of bears. They ARE godless killing machines!
Politics * Crush videos are fetish movies of people killing small animals, often by 'crushing them.' Yeah, that is all sorts of fucked up The Supreme Court had hearings on crush videos earlier this week. There is NO defending this sort of behavior. But some people are. It is NOT the same as fishing. Fishing doesn't involve smooshing the fish for sexual pleasure, and if it DOES, you are DOING IT WRONG.
* My resolve to ignore Michael Steele because he's sort of an ineffective bozo has faded. Because he keeps talking, and I either A) understand what he's saying and hate him, or B) don't understand him at all, get angry about not understanding, and hate him.
“They would like me to retract my endorsement,” Beck told listeners. “My apologies to Muse for saying that I like them. I didn’t mean to destroy all their credibility and all their coolness.
“It’s an awful album and you should never go out and buy it.”
Um, you all know my issues with Glenn Beck, but I sort of think this is a funny way to respond. Like, it's clever. DAMMIT, GLENN BECK. DO NOT AMUSE ME AND BE UNEXPECTEDLY FUNNY.
Then it turns out, at the end of the article, that Muse never contacted Glenn Beck, OR DID THEY? I don't know. Either way, it's funny because A) The band may or may not have asked Glenn Beck to not sell their music to his fans, and B) Glenn Beck's answer was rather brilliant. There, you happy? I gave credit where it was deserved. Fair and balanced.
Food * FINALLY. In college, I frequently made the joke that I wanted caffeine to be in powder form so I could roll in it, absorb it through the skin, stay up for two weeks, and finish all my assignments. So this is very gratifying: [Found at Crunch Gear]
Celebrity!Fail * How hard is it to not cheat on your spouse? If you stop liking them, break up with them. Or go to counseling. Whatever. I am not married, so I don't know what it's like to be in that situation. But honestly, I don't think David Letterman deserves any sort of support for admitting he screwed around. It' doesn't make him noble. You shouldn't cheat. Plus he's very old, and sort of gross, yeah? I don't want to think about him doing ANYTHING with ANYONE, ever. That's his punishment. He is now a never-nude.
And yes, his monologue was indeed amusing, but that is HARDLY a defense.
Zombies * There are great moments in zombie history. You should study them, and learn from the mistakes of others, that you may survive the oncoming apocalypse. Except for Bruce Campbell. He never makes mistakes. It's a gift. And we all know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the original Night Of The Living Dead is the quintessential zombie movie. There is no debating this. It is a fact of life. Like air. Re-Animator made me afraid to own a cat. Or wary of roommates.
Apocalypse How? * Sometimes a product comes along that is so horrifying, so intrinsically stupid and evil and wrong, that you can point to it and say, 'There. There is when society crumbled beneath our feet.'
And what the hell is wrong with the women at the beginning of this ad? Are they REALLY sad about cake and cupcakes? Are they evil? NOBODY is ever made sad by baked sweets.
And it's a cake. With filling. You don't need to BUY anything to make this. I want to hit someone with the pan. And I know people who want to buy this. It saddens me. Truly, the End is Nigh.
Daily Hot Guy [Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who was rather a revelation on Third Rock From The Sun, and then was in Mysterious Skin, which was an excellent film I never want to see again, and this picture keeps making me think of Billy Crudup in Watchmen, when he was wearing all those motion-sensor dots. Requested by KaishaBackwards, who needs to explain the dots in this picture.]
Dollhouse * I'm sorry, OK? I didn't watch Dollhouse last night. I was watching Lie To Me, and knitting, and I didn't feel like fighting with the members of my household for control over the television, so I didn't, OK? And I still haven't watched last week. This article analyzes why even people like me, who adore Joss Whedon and WANT to love his work, are struggling with Dollhouse. But I've heard Alpha Wash is returning, and going to kill people, so I will catch up with the show, just for him. Friend: What would you do if Alpha killed Topher? Me: I think I'd just go into the fetal position for a while. Why would you suggest such a thing? Joss Whedon hears all! Friend: That's what you get for making fun of my love of Twilight. Me: Yeah, but that sucks.
Books * The new Iain M. Banks book, Transition, is supposed to be a gorgeous mind-screw, and I intend to buy it today, and write a review. In part because I lost my list of books I've read this year when I changed my Blogger format, and I am saddened by this, because I had over fifty books on that list. And because you can never have enough books. This is truth.
Doctor Who * Reason number infinity I need to movie to England/Wales/somewhere awesome: I would have already seen the Doctor Who Greatest Moments, as opposed to trolling YouTube for clips, and finding nothing. Anyway, I like English food. What? It's good.
Inglourious Basterds * I want Quentin Tarantino to make a Western/Gangster/Musical. With Neil Patrick Harris, Tim Roth, Jackie Earle Haley, Jensen Ackles, and... um... Sacha Baron Cohen. Admit it, you'd see that movie. Everyone would see that movie. Even Tarantino haters would rush to this film. I like this picture of Mr. Tarantino: And on the Tarantino scale of ugly shirts, this may be one of the best.
OK, enough for now. Much to do. Busy-ness and such.
Tomorrow I may not be able to post a blog entry, because I'm going to have the Best Day Ever, so I will probably post another entry later today, or do a super-duper one Monday, or... something. I don't know. There will be something special tomorrow, to make up for me rushing off to enjoy the Best Day Ever. Yes, it needs capital letters. Some things just do. - LV
Of course, I'd probably A) get arrested for hugging Mr. David-Lloyd around the middle and refusing to let go, weeping all the time, 'It's OK, Mr. Jones. It's OK now,' or B) make an ass of myself in front of Leonard Nimoy, which could only result in ritual suicide.
So. Who want's to go?
FlashForward * This article on FlashForward is a bit old (it came out before last weeks' episode) but, like Lost, I think fans of the show need all the help they can get figuring out what the hell is going on. I may like this better than Lost.
Dollhouse * Um, I don't love the series. WAIT! I love Topher, and Alpha, and Whiskey, and everyone who isn't Echo. I just don't like Echo. At all. Or Caroline, for that matter. If the show were more ensemble, it would be better. Or if it was about Alpha. But I will continue to watch it and defend it, because I love the supporting characters so much, and 'Epitaph One' was an orgasm in TV form, and the premiere was fabulous. But Dollhouse isn't doing well. I suggest more Alpha.
Epic!Fail * This was going to be a plain old Jersey!Fail, but when you read the bit below, you will understand why this story qualifies as EPIC:
'...a Superior Court judge dismissed animal-cruelty charges against a Moorestown police officer accused of sticking his penis into the mouths of five calves in rural Southampton in 2006, claiming a grand jury couldn't infer whether the cows had been "tormented" or "puzzled" by the situation...'
Books * I bought books today. That's what credit cards are FOR, people. It's like Monopoly money. You don't have to pay it. I bought: - The Fifth Elephant by Terry Pratchett - Emotions Revealed by Paul Ekman AND I got a discount, which made me happy. I would like to store my pretty new books betwixt these bookends: [Found at Incredible Things] Magnetic bookends. Why have these never existed before? It's so simple. And yet so genius. I could sit and stare at this for hours, marveling at the simple miracles of everyday life. With some alcohol.
I got all the answers on this poll right. I don't think I deserve an award for this - I'm a twenty-three year-old college graduate. I DO have a suggestion: You get less than half right? Sterilization. That'll make the little shits do their homework. No, I don't have any children of my own, why do you ask?
Doctor Who * Huzzah, Tom Baker is going to be doing audio dramas of Doctor Who! I love you so, Tom Baker. I'm trying to make a Doctor Who-esque scarf, in the sense that it is very very long and has mismatched colors. Tom Baker should show up with Christopher Eccelston and Peter Davison in a Doctor Who Special before David Tennant leaves. Who's with me?!
Inglourious Basterds * Oh. For a second I thought the title implied TIM Roth and Quentin Tarantino were doing a new project together, as opposed to Eli Roth. I prefer Tim. But I enjoy Eli Roth, and still think Cabin Fever was a fun, gross movie, and his response to all that fandom madness was funny AND unsettling, which I enjoy. He needs to stop making Hostel movies though. I saw one the day before I went to Amsterdam, and spent the whole trip freaking out whenever an attractive foreigner approached me. Since I was in a foreign country, this happened often. Plus, watching people get tortured for two hours does NOTHING for me. I'm weird like that.
Star Trek * TRIBBLES. [Found at ONTD Star Trek] DO WANT. DO WANT FOR THE SHEER GEEKY HEADY GEEKINESS. THEY PURR. The thing is, I feel like I could make pretty good non-battery powered approximations. But if someone wants to buy these for me, I'll make them a shirt! A METAPHORICAL SHIRT.
Blog * Not if YOU'RE there to protect me. No, it really is utter shit. Title is from Russell Brand. That may not be correct English.
* Theresa does another Fables Friday, and it's AWESOME (in part because I know what she's talking about. I have a LOT of comics to read. No, I'm not going to the comic store today....). I love Bigby Wolf. Just putting that out there.
* Hey, remember The Brave Little Toaster, AKA one of the best movies ever except it made me cry constantly because HORRIBLY things happen to the characters? And remember the big scary chomper that was going to chomp the Master (which now that I'm older is a WEIRD thing to call the kid you make toast for, or IS IT?) because he was trying to save his toaster and radio and blankie and stuff? LAMP. This looks like the chomper: [Drawn by Erin] And don't talk to me about The Brave Little Toaster Goes To Mars. I will not acknowledge this travesty.
Life * I have water in my ear. it's annoying and weird and I dislike it, and have had no success in getting it out. Pity your poor blogger.
Inglourious Basterds * Quentin Tarantino doesn't think Brad Pitt is a pretty boy anymore. Yeah, I am an epic Tarantino fangirl, and my caring about this is not so much. What I DO care about is that QT says he won't act in movies anymore. Well, other people's movies. That might be good, because Little Nicky made me so sad for him. And me. And Harvey Keitel. But he'll still act in his own movies, right? Right? I just want Richie Gecko to come back into my life. Is that so much to ask?
Star Trek * I have no idea what is going on in this painting of Spock: {Found at ONTD Star Trek] His teeth are POINTY. And angry. I am so glad this was never an episode of Star Trek. It would have damaged me as a small child. Yeah, there are more, including one of Pee-Wee Herman.
At age 2, Baby Bruce Campbell destroyed the universe, and recreated it in only a day. Where it took God a week, and God did hail to the king baby.
It gets better:
He is currently writing his third autobiography, entitled The Left Chin of Doom, in collaboration with Alan Moore which has gone on a temporary hiatus due to Campbell being flung into the Marvel Zombies universe because of an accident involving The Necronomicon, a Playstation 3, and a cheese burrito wrapped in aluminium foil. As of this moment, he is attemptng to kill as many super-zombies as possible while attempting to pick up as many living super-heroines so they can 'give him some sugar' after.
Follow their advice before reading this article:
You may have been looking for God although you probably knew that. Please Note: It is common practice to Hail to the Chin before reading this article.
Fandom * I think I need to stop reading Fanfiction Friday. I thought I had been jaded by the internet. I thought nothing could shock me any more. I thought I could HANDLE the trauma of really bad fanfiction. I was wrong. So, so wrong. This one has Lara Croft, and rape, and cannibalism, and POO. I am never going to be able to forget what I have read. It's GROSS. SO GROSS. Honestly, don't click the link while eating or drinking. POO. And cannibalism. Oh, and necrophilia. Did I mention that? I need a drink. It's not even 11 AM.
Daily Hot Guy [Sharlto Copley, who was fucking epic in District 9, and made me cry, and as I keep reminding myself, has NEVER appeared on Flight of the Conchords, but maybe he SHOULD, just to satisfy my crazy. He's very attractive. And a good actor. Requested by Kristamaru, who knows all about aliens and hot guys. TRUFAX.
Stuff To Live * I find these corkscrews utterly charming: [Found at Nerd Approved] And I don't think it's sexual. I think he's working out. You know, doing squats. To build inner thigh strength. Naive? Why would you call me that? It's a corkscrew. It can't be sexual. It UNSCREWS CORKS - oh. I withdraw my previous statements.
Writing
Writing a novel is a terrible experience, during which the hair often falls out and the teeth decay. I’m always irritated by people who imply that writing fiction is an escape from reality. It is a plunge into reality and it’s very shocking to the system. ~Flannery O’Connor
WhedonVerse * Buffy season nine, in comic form! Oh, Joss, I knew you still loved your fans. Right? And you won't let anything bad happen to Topher even though I missed Dollhouse last night because I went out, with people, right? I DVR'd it, so you'll forgive me, and never let anything bad happen to Topher, ever, right? Joss? Hello?
Movie!Fail * I really, really dislike Paul Haggis. I hated Crash. I hated Million Dollar Baby (except for Morgan Freeman, because he is so wonderful he transcends SHIT, although he should have won Oscars for Shawshank Redemption and Glory)( and I KNOW Clint Eastwood directed this, but Mr. Haggis wrote it, and he also wrote In The Valley of Elah)(which I also dislike, and I didn't know he wrote it. NO REALLY, I actually said to my friend, 'the acting is gorgeous in this movie, but the script sort of sucks'). And yeah he wrote Casino Royale, but he ALSO wrote Quantum of Solace. And he has some new movie coming out, which I will most likely not see, but if I do see it I'll probably hate it. He's a TOOL. Yeah, I went there. And it's got Russell Crowe, who is a fabulous actor, but I still don't like him. (Side note: Wasn't Million Dollar Baby HIDEOUSLY mis-marketed? I thought it was going to be some inspiring movie about overcoming tragedy and hitting people. IT WASN'T.)
Did you know Blogger has limited the number of tags I can use per entry? I did not. I am very angry about this. Hm. - LV
Blog * That's silly. Everyone lives by a volcano. A volcano of the SOUL. Yeah, I don't know. I've had precious little caffeine today. Title is from Firefly.
A Nightmare On Elm Street trailer. Oh, how I love thee. I love thee HARDCORE. I will watch you repeatedly, and I will believe that THIS will be the horror trailer that is not made of suck, and fixes EVERYTHING in life. I need to get a new Freddy sweater. Mine was destroyed. Not in a fire. And Mr. Haley has growly voice. I spent most of my heinous morning fangirl-flailing, screaming, and generally frightening the natives. FOR A GOOD REASON.
Russell Brand * I don't especially care who celebrities are dating. OK, I do, but in that, 'Hm, wow,' way, not in a 'OH GOD THEY ARE SO WRONG FOR EACH OTHER I MUST INTERVENE' way. That being said, I want Katy Perry to stay the HELL away from Russell Brand, OK? Because she ANNOYS me. SO MUCH. And I was sort of secretly hoping he and Lady Gaga would hook up, if ONLY because the tabloid coverage would be EPIC.
Politics * HAHA, Levi Johnston, political impregnator, is going to be SO NAKED on the internets.I know I've said this before, but it NEVER STOPS BEING FUNNY. His Levi Johnston will be out, in public. Did I mention I had less than one cup of coffee this morning? And no food? And the energy drinks haven't kicked in yet?
* Short people are going to fuck you up, and the French are starting the war. VICTORY IN OUR TIME. But I will let certain tall men live, because they're hot. And my tall friends. Basically if I like you or you give me money, you're OK. Sarkozy, you never cease to entertain. And make me proud of my height. DOWN WITH TALLS.
* I must confess, I'm rather disappointed that Al Franken hasn't done anything super-hilarious since becoming a Senator. I thought... well, to be honest, I had hoped that politics would become like a long, drawn-out SNL skit. Which it already is, ZING. But here is a video of him, drawing a map:
His voice really annoys me, on an almost visceral level. It's weird.
Food * Part of me thinks this is so cool and beautiful: [Found at Friggin Random] Part of me wonders how long it took. Part of me just wants to sop up all that mustard with the bread.
Daily Hot Guy [Matt Damon, not an unusual pick, but he's smart and funny and twisted, and he wrote a really good movie, and it's been an almost comically bad morning, and sometimes I just want to admire a handsome guy with nice eyes, OK?!]
Celebrity!Fail * I stopped watching Gossip Girl, mainly because clothes lust was starting to make me seriously consider a life of crime (I WANT THEIR WARDROBES) and also I have too many other shows to watch on Monday, and simply cannot factor it in. Besides, it's best viewed in a marathon with a bunch of friends and some alcohol. But when I DID watch the show, I was a member of the 'I wish Chuck Bass had corrupted me in high school' club. Really, are there people who aren't? So this is very disappointing: [Found at Jezebel] Dude, there are very few guys who can have a naked lady tattoo and still be sexy. You are not among their numbers. Chuck Bass would not approve of your pathetic, plebeian attempt at rebellion. We're all very disappointed, Ed Westwick.
Zombies * In theory, zombie shooting-range targets are a genius concept. But in practice.... [Found at Boing Boing] Why do all the girl-zombies look like porn-star zombies, and why are all the boy-zombies Nazis? That's not very realistic. You should have done more research.
Apocalypse How? * I make a lot of jokes in this category, but you know what? This is no joking matter: [Found at Geekologie] That's a Blu-Ray Player. It costs $135,000. Now let me make this very clear. I fucking hate anyone, ANYONE who is considering owning one of these. I CANNOT AFFORD A REGULAR BLU-RAY PLAYER. THIS ONE COSTS MORE THAN MY CAR. MORE THAN HALF A DOZEN OF MY CAR. GAAHHHHHH. Oh, and this is truly the end of days, because seriously, what did they PUT IN THIS THING to make it cost so much? Pure gold? FAIRY GOLD? That shit is rare. I don't know. After work I have to go to Rite-Aid for lip-gloss. DISCOUNT lip-gloss. STUPID BLU-RAY PLAYER.
Now, listen very carefully (or read very carefully): This season is going to be Topher-tastic. The premiere had hotness AND ANGST, and HIS SHEETS WERE ADORABLE, and he made me sad, and Whiskey is going bonkers (and drinking whiskey, I think, which delights me), and Alexis Denisoff (AKA Wesley) is going to be on a lot, and I NEED Alpha Wash to come back, so you are all going to MAN UP and watch Dollhouse. DO YOU GET ME?! Please? Because I still miss Firefly.
Epic!Fail * This is an LV fail, I suspect. Because whenever I look at this picture: [Found at Like Cool] ...I want to flip the guy off his forkless cruiser bike. I don't know why. But if I saw him in real life, I wouldn't be able to control myself. I just want to flip over that stupid, stupid bike. This compulsion frightens and confuses me. Ergo, LV!Epic!Fail.
They do happen, from time to time.
Books * This library has no books: [Found at The Boston Globe] Because they have a 'learning center.' Books are outdated. Nobody READS anymore. HAHA.... ha... heh....
If you need me, I'll be clutching my worn copy of A Tree Grows In Brooklyn and weeping for the future.
Childhood!Fail * Hey, kids! You like puppies, right? Who doesn't? Well, wouldn't you like to DISMEMBER A doggie? [Found at Nerd Approved] What, your doggie is missing its head? Its precious, precious head? Why are you crying? This is how butchers cut up the piggies we use to make your hot dogs!
Doctor Who * I have posted this video of John Barrowman and David Tennant kissing at the Comic-Con before, and I most likely will again, and again, until Ianto Jones is OK. It doesn't HAVE to make sense, does it? Did Torchwood make sense? Did chunks of Doctor Who make sense? YEAH, so I win.
Plus, they're not exactly hard on the eyes, are they? It's Monday. That's the only excuse I NEED, OK?
Inglourious Basterds * I like this story because it has Quentin Tarantino, B.J. Novak, movies, and unimpressed Germans:
Plus Brad Pitt seems like a fun guy. I am the only girl out there who would pick Tarantino over Pitt? Don't answer that.
Sorry this blog was a little late, but you know what? Monday. That is all. - LV
[David Tennant, because I watched The End of Time last night, and I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT, OK?! (Russell T. Davis can't write, and that scene at the bar was UNACCEPTABLE, and David Tennant is a much better actor than the material he is given). Bye, Ten.]
