Have You Ever Watched Daytime TV? It's Terrible.

Blog
* Obviously this does not include Maury, who is beyond such verbal slander. Title is from Supernatural.

Wow
* This disturbs me on so many levels. This is in no way OK. George Lopez and Wax George Lopez share a tender moment:

[Found at Best Week Ever]
This could be the opening scene of the WORTS PORNOGRAPHIC MOVIE EVER. OH GOD MY MIND'S EYE JUST BLINDED ITSELF.

WTF, INTERNET?
* You know, Internet, we need to talk. I get that as a culture we are fascinated and amused by penises. We're a little fixated. I get it. I won't argue that. But we may be entering truly depraved territory here:

[Found at Nerd Approved]

DO I EVEN NEED TO EXPLAIN THIS? IT IS A FAN, WHERE THE PENIS IS THE FAN, AND HIS BODY IS ALL DEFORMED, AND HIS PENIS IS A FAN, GUYS. A FAN PENIS. Maybe I'm a weird girl, but DO NOT FREAKING WANT. WHY IS HIS PENIS A FAN? WHY IS IT COMING OUT OF HIS BELLY BUTTON? WHY WOULD I PAY $10.00 FOR A DEFORMED LITTLE MAN WITH A PENIS FAN?

WE HAVE BEEN BROUGHT LOW, PEOPLE.

Writing
* When I am having writer's block, or need inspiration, or just want someone to admit that writing can REALLY SUCK AS A CAREER, SOMETIMES, I read Warren Ellis' blog:

Ha ha I thought I was done with the Marvel Anime job but it turns out I forgot something that they need in 48 hours ha ha oh god my eyemeat hurts and I’m sleeping in four-hour blocks and god I hate deadlines so much especially when it’s my own damn fault for thinking this stage wasn’t due yet and I will be done with this job today or this job will be done with me and so will life.

Then I feel better, until I remember that he gets paid to make the words, and I do not, and then I have to go be alone for a while, with my RAGE.

Easter
* I know YESTERDAY was Easter, but you know what? Time is an illusion, and blogs are timeless, and I wasn't near the internet yesterday, because I was busy eating and drinking and making merry with various relations, SO BITE ME. Anyway, consider it a kindness that I'm posting this AFTER Easter:

[Found at Regretsy]
So you decapitate the lamb-cake, and it bleeds, and nobody in your immediate family is EVER OK, AGAIN, THE END. What is going ON in Milwaukee? Are lambs slaughtered on Easter? I don't know these things, I just show up at the parties and eat stuff and wear super-cute outfits. That's how I roll.

This is how Jesus rolls:

[Found at World of Wonder]
JESUS AND A WEE BABY RAPTOR. YES. ALL RELIGIONS WOULD BE IMPROVED BY THE ADDITION OF RAPTORS.

Animals
* OK, I need to correct myself. America is obsessed with penises, and our pets. From the time I was a wee sprat of a lass, I have been taught, NO PETS AT THE TABLE. Particularly when you have to STRAP your pets to the table:

[Found at Incredible Things]
This is insane. I am sorry, but COME ON. It's a high chair, for a small cat or dog. Now, the animals I know would not be happy about this. They would claw the EVERLOVING FUCK out of a table, rather than deal with this sort of indignity. And it's $50.00.

You know what? The Four Horsemen aren't showing up. They're too EMBARRASSED.

Music
* Louden Swain is the band of Prophet Chuck from Supernatural. They are also incredibly good, and that confuses me, because Prophet Chuck should not be singing such lovely, funny, catchy songs:

NOTHING MAKES SENSE ANYMORE. UP IS DOWN. BLACK IS WHITE. NERDS ARE HOT. Wait, nerds are always hot. Carry on.

Movie!Fail
* Remember XXX? The stupid Vin Diesel movie, pretty much like every other stupid Vin Diesel movie, only he had tattoos, I think (I don't really mind Vin Diesel. He has terribly nice arms, and has made a career out of having nice arms and a deep voice, and I respect that). I don't remember, except that the opening scene had Rammstein, yes? And Samuel L. Jackson was there? Right?

OH, and there was a sequel, with Ice Cube, but I didn't see it. But now we're on the third installment, which will be in 3-D.

FEAR AND LOATHING PREDICTION: There will be at least one line about "XXX.... IN 3-D" or some awful play on words that will make me die inside at the FAIL of the world.

Did you guys know we're up to the fifth installment of The Fast & The Furious? Yeah, I'm sad too.

Daily Hot Guy

[Neil Patrick Harris, AKA NPH, AKA HE'S GOING TO BE ON GLEE, YOU GUYS. DO YOU COMPREHEND THE PROFOUND RIGHTNESS OF THE UNIVERSE IN THAT STATEMENT? Oh, NPH, how do I love thee? Let us feast upon White Castle, and you can sing to me, OK?]

Daily Icon

“In America you can get away with murder, but not with sex.”
- Xaviera Hollander

Want
* Have I ever told you guys about when I worked at Troma Studios? Yep, I interned there one summer, and MAN, do I have some stories. Ask me some time, and I will offer forth tidbits of the glorious-ness.

Since I worked at Troma, and had to do some pretty degrading things (but it's OK, for ART) I should get these radiation barrel glasses for free, right?

[Found at Geekologie]
And yes, I know that these aren't made by Troma, and have pretty much nothing to do with Troma at all, but in my mind they have a correlation, and so I get them for free. SO IT IS WRITTEN, SO IT SHALL BE DONE.

Harry Potter
* For those of you that are not almost deliriously excited by the Harry Potter theme park, I'd suggest you skip over to the next section, because I am pretty fucking stoked beyond words about this, and if you think it's lame, that is just dandy, more butterbeer for me, FUCKERS.

Ahem. Behold, Hagrid's hut:

[Found at Slash Film]
I'm going to get wasted with Hagrid and go flirt with Snape. SHUT UP, BEST THEME PARK EVER. You're just jealous. Fools.

Interwebz
* 'Chexting' is my new least-favorite word. I hate it. It's cheating through text. Like sexting, We don't need to shorten ALL WORDS, people. Journalism used to be about figuring out corrupt political scams, or exposing injustice. Not thinking up the technological equivalent of 'Bennifer.'

Anyway, let's see what they say:

Their affairs have spawned a new word in pop culture, chexting, and raised the question of whether it really is cheating on a spouse. The experts say, you bet it is.
"It's lipstick on the cellular -- digital proof that becomes evidence you've been unfaithful," says Peter Dedman of Predicto Mobile, the largest paid mobile community in America.

Lipstick on the cellular? I hate everyone. Ever. All the time. THIS IS NOT NEWS.

PS As I was told on Twitter, 'Chexting' sounds more like the snack than a crime. Chex are delicious.

We are all doomed, but it's OK, because Neil Patrick Harris will sing to us, and maybe do a duet with Louden Swain, IN MY MIND.
- LV

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You Look Like A Fish When You Talk. Like A Giant Carp!

Blog
* This is not the best compliment one could hope for. Titles is from Heroes, back when it was good.

Movie!Fail
* Dear Everyone:
We are not naming ANYTHING after Avatar, except perhaps a sexual compulsion to stick your hair in things. ESPECIALLY NOT MOUNTAINS:

An official ceremony was held to change the name of a mountain in the Hunan province to commemorate James Cameron’s Avatar.

Then they changed their minds and denied the whole thing. I like to imagine everyone shrieking, 'I KNOW NOTHING OF AVATAR. BLUE HAIR SEX? SOUNDS DISGUSTING.'

Life Lessons
* Intentional misspellings can be funny, and everyone makes mistakes from time to time (I look at old entries of this blog and CRINGE at my typos). But there are certain words we, as a species, need to stop misspelling:

[Found at The Oatmeal]
There are nine more, and you need to memorize this, because I AM SICK OF EXPLAINING WHY YOUR AND YOU'RE ARE DIFFERENT. YES IT MATTERS.
Found by Julie_Raven, who sends bad spellers to hell.

Movie!Win
* I didn't get to see this movie in theaters, because the universe is cruel, but regardless of that (or mixed reviews) the trailer and poster for Where The Wild Things Are makes me enormously happy:

[Found at Das Cabinet des Dr Ruthven]
I STILL WANT THOSE PAJAMAS, DAMMIT.

Wow
* This picture makes me smile every time I see it:

see more deMotivational Posters
He's so HAPPY.

WTF, INTERNET?
* File this under: Products that will get you killed, or at least arrested:

[Found at Crunch Gear]
Picture this: It's a dark night, you're trying to impress some girl with your badassery. You stand outside the club. She is unimpressed with your leather jacket. But you have a secret weapon. You reach into your pocket, pull out the comb. She screams-

And an hour later you are sitting in a smelly cell with a large, grinning man named Molly, because YOU JUST HAD TO HAVE A GUN COMB.

Well, what did we learn?

Daily Hot Guy

[James Franco, AKA, Daniel Desario in Freaks and Geeks, AKA The Least Embarrassing Aspect of Spider-Man 3, AKA Yes I Have Watched General Hospital Because He's On It, And He's Sort Of Incredible On It.]

Animals
* THIS IS MY FAVORITE PICTURE OF THE DAY:

[Found at Like Cool]
The Cheetahs SNUGGLED the Impala, played with it, AND FAILED TO NOM IT.

This makes me happy on this snowy day.

Daily Icon

[Nancy Sinatra, singer, actress, and GIVE ME THOSE GOGO BOOTS, NANCY. I NEED THEM IN MY LIFE]

Music
* Screw you all, the Goo Goo Dolls were my first concert (with Sugar Ray and Fastball, WHAT WHAT!) and I love them and will continue to love them, and ANYWAY, they are serenading Elmo from Sesame Street, and who's going to argue with THAT?

Also Elmo made a pie, which is sort of the best thing ever.

Words Of Win
* When I as in college, my roommates and I sealed up the holes we made in the walls with toothpaste. You couldn't see it, and the room smelled minty fresh!

i had plans on painting my bedroom with the whiteout that i ordered and will now contemplate upper-decking the restrooms at the an undisclosed location.

[Found at Emails from Crazy People]
This guy wants to use white-out. Really, really badly. And if you don't sell him his white-out, he will SHIT ALL OVER YOUR PLACE OF WORK.

May I suggest the cleansing smell of toothpaste?

This snow is bullshit. At least here. MY STATE FAILS AT SNOWPOCALYPSE. Come on, New Jersey. Either snow or get off the pot.
- LV

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Hey, I Couldn't Help But Notice How Much You Look Like Everybody Else!

Blog
* Nothing attracts men more than being nondescript! Title is from Mystery Science Theater 3000.

* I blogged every day this month. I deserve a damn reward of some sort. REWARD ME.

Awesome
* This dude duct-taped his plane together to fly home:

[Found at Unique Daily]
THEN HE FLEW IT HOME. He flew home via the power of duct tape and his own mad genius. That is awesome, so long as I do not have to be IN the duct tape plane. I don't think I'd handle that well. I dislike regular planes. WIthout duct tape.

Fandom
* Russell T. Davies and Joss Whedon, the two men who most consistently break my heart via television, are merged into a glorious collaboration of credits:

AND NO ONE DIES, SIRS. YOU SEE HOW NICE IT IS WHEN YOU DON'T DESTROY EVERYTHING GOOD AND PURE? ....I'm sorry. I watched the series finale of Dollhouse. And I just purchased Torchwood: Children of the Earth. These men are NOT on my good side.

Food!Fail
* I love junk food. I do. I think White Castle is the height of fast food, and if it's unhealthy, I will probably be first in line to eat it.
Hand over the french fries, and most of you will live.

But I do not delude myself into thinking fast food is healthy. Of course it's not healthy. That's the POINT. It's like when I went to a baseball game and they listed the calories for every food item. NO ONE on the planet thinks that a deep fried cheese-filled pretzel is good for you. But it is delicious.

Which brings me to Taco Bell. Taco Bell is good, NOT good for you. Taco Bell is delicious and delightful, and I would NEVER in a million years imagine it as being healthful. SO DO NOT TRY, OK?

WHAT? NO. LET MY FAST FOOD BE UNHEALTHY. IF I WANT HEALTHY, I'LL GO ORDER A FREAKING BAKED POTATO AT WENDY'S.
Click here to see a longer commercial, with full-commentary by the ISS. I'm going to go deep fry some butter.

Technology
* I have a slogan for the good folks at iPad: "For that heavy flow.... of information, use an iPad!" (Please don't send Steve Jobs to turn off my computer, I need it).
And the mockery continues, indefinitely:

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

How can you NOT? Here's a name: iTab, It makes me think of the soda, but at least I don't immediately think of women's feminine products.

Politics
* I really, really like Jenny Sandford, soon-to-be-ex-wife of Mark 'I Cry When I Get Caught Being A Complete Shithead' Sandford. His wife is a smart, classy woman. She did not stand beside her husband while he spouted a torrential flow of bullshit, and CRIED (I'm sorry, but it cracks me up. You are lying to EVERYONE, and leaving your state, which needs you due to economic FREE-FALL, and you go off to bang your girlfriend, you get caught, and you cry? Dude. At least have the balls to man up.). Jenny Sandford focused instead on her sons', and her own well-being, and refused to be party to her husband's pity parade.

I do not agree with her on many issues (or any, I think), but she is a very smart lady with morals and ethics and a sense of self, and I would be delighted if more women like her joined the political arena. At this point, with the parties so divided and everyone freaking out at the opposite side, I think it would be a nice change to really respect the person you're debating.

PS Her husband is the Nite Owl of American politics. He cries naked in his Basement of Shame.

Daily Hot Guy

[Tom Felton from the Harry Potter series, looking every bit the smug, condescending bastard from high school that you hated so much you totally wanted to make out with him... or was that just me? Smug, condescending bastards are sexy, in an angry way. Admit it.]

Dollhouse
* Look, I'm upset about Dollhouse getting cancelled, too, but this is hardly the time to- Oh, forget it:

[Found at Emails From Crazy People]
Priorities? Anyone? No?

Daily Icon

[Patti Smith, punk rock poet, lover of Robert Mapplethorpe, singer supreme, writer, political activist, and one of my biggest heroes. If Ms. Smith saw what had become of CBGBs, she'd rain down eternal hellfire and damnation on everyone involved. Plus she totally covered a Bruce Springsteen song, and lived in Jersey for a time. SO JERSEY WINS HA.]

Nostalgia!Win
* Remember My So-Called Life? Back before I hated Claire Danes, and back when everyone wanted to lose their virginity to Jordan Catalano? Great show. Anyway, then Claire Danes made me hate her through excessive suck, and Jared Leto stopped bathing, which is something only CERTAIN people can pull off. But lo, a change has come:

[Found at World of Wonder]
His hair may have distinct hints of Twilight sparkle!fail, but you know what? His outfit reminds me of David Bowie, so I am going to pretend Jared Leto is going to play David Bowie in a movie. That's right, I'm starting an internet rumor. Spread the word.

Movie!Fail
* Dear Matt Dillion:

NO.
Love, LV
PS You rocked in To Die For!

Want
* SHELVES FROM THE FUTURE:

[Found at Like Cool]
Well, not from the future, but techno-cool, yes? I'd like them. I shall line them with books by Stephen Hawking (who is, in fact, god). TRUTH.

OK, it's Sunday, it's cold.... yeah. I got nothing.
- LV

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You're Always Saying Pansy Stuff Like That.

Blog
* You do have a habit of saying the 'pansy stuff,' Sam. Truth hurts. Title is from Supernatural.

Girly Shit
* This was not the first thing I needed to see Monday morning:

[Found at Shoe Lust]
I... it's too early. Do I want this shoe? Do I hate this shoe? Are parts of this shoe edible? It's too damn early.

Music
* I have had this song stuck in my head for two days now, and I don't even LIKE Beyonce:

It's starting to drive me insane. Or, more insane.

Movie!Fail
* They're making a Scream 4. I need to know why. Scream 3 sucked so bad it physically hurt. Scream 2 was a fun, stupid sequel, and Scream made me terrified of plate glass windows and phones. Scream 4 will no doubt destroy society, cause California to sink into the ocean, and mark the End Times.

And don't even get me started on An American Werewolf in London redux, because I WILL BREAK THE INTERNET WITH MY ANGER. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS? DO NOT REMAKE THIS MOVIE.

Comics
* Dear Marvel Smartass:
You rock.
Love, FEAR AND LOATHING

Books
* How awesome is this? It's a letter from Kurt Vonnegut, after he was a POW in Germany. I love and miss Kurt Vonnegut. He was a genius. I want to reread Breakfast of Champions.

Food!Win
* DUDE, THIS IS BIGGER THAN MY HEAD:

[Found at This Is Why You're Fat]

Donkey: You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "Hell no, I don't like no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious.
Shrek: No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Ogres are like onions! End of story. Bye-bye. See ya later.

Specifically, is is a cheesecake parfait, but there aren't any funny quotes about that.

Daily Hot Guy

[Chris Barrie, AKA Rimmer from Red Dwarf, very muddy and on the left, shown here in Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, which is either very funny, or very sad, but I will always love him for yelling, 'SMEGHEAD' and kicking Death in the nuts. How could I not?]

Moment Of Win

see more Epic Fails

Words Of Win

[Found at Unique Daily]

Torchwood
* I need this action figure, and I will take NO MOCKERY for this fact:

[Found at Discount Anime Toys]
IT'S IANTO JONES, BITCHES.

People I Love
* NEIL PATRICK HARRIS ON SESAME STREET:

NEIL PATRICK HARRIS ON SESAME STREET. *cue epic arm!flail of JOY*

Seriously, my face HURTS from grinning.

OK, it's a rainy Monday, and frankly it should be spent sleeping and watching bad movies. But some of us have work. LIFE IS HARD.
- LV

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Monsters Do Not Behave Themselves. That's The Whole Idea!

Blog
* Monsters have ALL the fun. But no quiche. Title is from Bone.

Help For Haiti
Friends who are doing great things by using their stores to help those in Haiti.

* GrrrlShapedYarns is donating all the proceeds from her shop this month to Doctors Without Borders to help out in Haiti. So you get gorgeous yarn, which I want to own ALL of, AND to donate to a good cause. Win win!

* Little Red Bicycle is also donating all proceeds to Doctors Without Borders and the Red Cross to help Haiti. AND you can get patterns. AND they had Bela Lugosi yarn. But it's gone now. No fault of mine.

* YBerry is donating 25% of her proceeds to Doctor Without Borders, and has free shipping, AND you can buy the glorious silk yarn and make pretty things.

WTF, INTERNET?
* So, men and women are very different, biologically (and emotionally, but that's another entry). We appreciate this, and celebrate our differences. But, as a woman, maybe there are a few things I just never really understood/thought about:

[Found at World of Wonder]
This is a deoderant line for men's testicles. Um, is this... is this a big problem for guys? Does this happen often? I must confess, I never thought about this as an issue for men. AND NOW I AM. I AM SITTING HERE, DRINKING COFFEE AND THINKING ABOUT THESE THINGS. It is too early for such musings, and to be honest, men's bits are not my problem.

And because I am SURE someone will say it, yes, I agree that using deoderizing soaps on your unmentionables could lead to some awkward encounters.

I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY, INTERNET. I HOPE YOU'RE PLEASED WITH YOURSELF. GOD DAMN, WHERE'S MY COFFEE?

Girly Want
* I can't imagine a time when I would NOT wear these shoes:

[Found at ShoeLust]
They are lacy and black and sexy, and look at those heels! Work, dates, doctor's appointments - EVERY event in life calls for shoes like these. They make me happy.

Music
* Batgirl as Prince in Purple Rain?

[Found at World Famous Design Junkies]
Sure. Why not? Here are other albums recast with comic characters.

Movie!Fail
* Look, unless Matthew 'Alrightalrightalright' McConaughey is in Dazed & Confused, he is not allowed to act. That is law. Here. Right now. And I absolutely had a crush on Tommy Lee Jones in Lonesome Dove (SHUT UP, so did you, he was a cowboy and he was angsty and had secrets, so shut up, NAYSAYERS), so I do not want him to damage his career by mixing with subpar actors. I mean, did you SEE Man of the House? I did not, which is why I am not in some sort of institution as we speak.

Daily Hot Guy(s)

[Jackie Earle Haley, Patrick Wilson, AND Jeffrey Dean Morgan. WHAT were you saying about Watchmen having no redeeming qualities? Yeah, that's what I thought. MY FANDOM HAS THE HOT ACTORS. AND Jeffrey Dean Morgan spawned the Supernatural boys, which means... GASP! Laurie has two half-brothers who fight demons! So they go and destroy Dr. Manhattan, and Dean and Rorschach fight over pie, and Sam and Daniel cry in the basement- Yeah, I need more coffee, don't I?]

Comics
* Did you hear Robert 'SparklyPants' Pattinson is going to be in the reboot of Spider-Man? (And I don't think reboot is the right term, but screw it, who am I to argue with the INTERNET?) Well, that just about wraps it up for Spidey, in my book (although think about it - how funny would Spider-Man 3 have been if R Patz had been infected by the evil Venom alien stuff? A MISSED COMEDY MOMENT).

Anyway, I don't know if that rumor's true our not. I've heard it is, and I've heard it isn't. And I sort of don't care anymore. It's a good rumor, right? If it's true, we will be witness to the utter destruction of a movie franchise (this has less to do with R Patz being a bad actor - he hasn't really had a chance to prove either way (I will give him a pass on Sparkly!Pants movies, because NOBODY gets out of those untarnished, save for Peter Facinelli, who is idiotically attractive) and more to do with his being miscast beyond human comprehension). If it isn't true, maybe Spider-Man 4 will be good, right? WHO KNOWS? NOTHING MAKES SENSE IN THE CRAZY FUTURE YEAR OF 2010.

Moment Of Win
* Ha! Liars:

see more Epic Fails

Books
* I tend to abuse capslocks, and internet-shout often. But some things upset me and anger me and destroy my faith in humanity so completely, that even capslocks cannot express my disgust with everyone. Behold:

[Found at Topless Robot]
This is a book. Specifically, it is Dante's Inferno, one of my favorite books, and a beautiful piece of literature. It has been made into a video game (which, if it follows the text closely, would be the weirdest/most brain-crunchingly weird experience ever, but I doubt that). The video game's cover is now on the book.
So they took one of the most significant pieces of literature ever (in my opinion), and made it look like 300 2: Everyone Is Going Into The Pit Of Death This Time.

Well, that just about wraps it up for humanity.

I'm going to go soak my head.
- LV

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Who Dares To Soil My Normal Boy Head With This PORK COW?!

Blog
* Pork cow sounds AWESOME. Title is from Invader Zim.

Movie!Fail
* Blake Lively is going to be Carol Ferris in the Green Lantern movie. I like Blake Lively, but seriously. MISCAST? She looks nothing like Carol Ferris. NOTHING AT ALL. And she seems way too young. I know she's not really in high school, but come on! She's still too young. This is like when Kate Bosworth was cast as Lois Lane. You can't be a reporter when you're still in middle school.
This is Carol Ferris:

[Found at Slash Film]
MISCAST. I STAND BY IT.

Comics
* Here are the ten comic books you should be following in 2010, according to Newsarama. I'm especially looking forward to new work by Alan Moore and Alan Moore's beard, the conclusion of Ex Machina, and Choker with art by Ben Templesmith.

Words Of Win
* I love this guy, and would like to buy him a drink:

On Tuesday, a 19-year-old man was arrested for running through Stateline Casino naked, claiming he is a Terminator who had traveled back in time from the future.

Then he went into the children's arcade.

Moment Of Win

see more Epic Fails

Daily Hot Guy

[Alan Tudyk, AKA Alpha Wash, AKA Stop Killing Him, You Bastards, holding a lightsaber and wearing a floppy white hat. Yeah, I have no idea what's going on here. I'm going to pretend it's a still from the Arrested Development movie.

Books
* The book is always different from the movie. Always. Not necessarily better (OK, it usually is, but I can think up several examples where I preferred the movie. Just saying), but invariably different. Everyone knows that. Even Mad Magazine:

[Found at Boing Boing]
I want to see the werewolf romantic comedy!

Food!Win
* OMG IT IS MONDAY AND I WANT CHOCOLATE BUTTERSCOTCH BROWNIES RIGHT NOW. THIS SECOND:

[Found at CakeSpy]
No, really, I think I need these in order to be a functioning human being. LOOK, I'll make it easy: You get the ingredients, I'LL make them. You get none of them, but you can smell them as they cook. BUTTERSCOTCH BROWNIES.
Is it really Monday? Where's the caffeine drip?

Nostalgia!Win
* CRAYONS YOU CAN EAT. They are made out of fruits and vegetables, and you can eat them:

[Found at Incredible Things]
Now they need to make an edible glue stick. Because the Glue Stick Eating Kid in my preschool always looked sad as he surreptitiously NOMMed on his stolen glue sticks. I always felt bad for him. Until he went to MIT. At 15.

Want
* OH MY GOD VLAD THE IMPALER ACTION FIGURE? YES. CRAZY AND WEIRD AND RANDOM, BUT EPIC WANT:

[Found at Nerd Approved]
It's $300.00, which is a lot of money, but it doesn't come out until August. A lot could happen by then. I could win the lottery! Or rob a bank. Or.... um... get nice presents from my friends?

Whut?
* Yeah, I can't pretend to understand why anyone would do this to a baby:

[Found at Unique Daily]
Where do you find a suit for babies? DO THEY MAKE THOSE NOW?

If anyone says, 'a case of the Mondays,' I am legally allowed to hit them with a stapler.

- LV

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Dance With Us, GIR! Dance With Us Into Oblivion!

Blog
* I see no way this could end badly. Title is from Invader Zim.

Movie!Fail
* Behold a list of the 25 worst horror movies of the decade. A definitive list, I might say, because the Nicolase Cage remake of Wicker Man is the most hideous hunk of cinematic excrement ever shat out of the system. IT IS WORSE THAN TRANSFORMERS 2. IT IS THE LAST THING YOU SEE BEFORE YOU DIE. AND WTF WITH THE BEES? AND THE PLOT? YOU CAN'T JUST TAKE ONE OF THE BEST HORROR MOVIES EVER, AND TURN THIS

[Yes, that IS Christopher Lee, and he IS going to destroy you with the power of his voice]
INTO THIS:

[WHERE DID THE BEES COME FROM? DID I MISS THE BEES IN THE ORIGINAL?]

In conclusion, Nicolas Cage ruins everything, and I sincerely hope Ron Perlman EATS him in the movie they're doing together.

Comics
* Comics speak nothing but truth. So if they say knowledge hurts my tiny, girly brain, IT IS TRUE. Also low self esteem, being just-friends, and CLOWNS.

Knowledge
* All this input, and we're still a goddamn stupid society:

[Found at World's Best Ever]
I'd rather kill zombies than LEARN THINGS. What?

Words of Win
* I AM NEVER GOING IN A PUBLIC POOL AGAIN:

According to a survey taken by the Water Quality and Health Council, 17% of Americans—that's roughly 1 in 6— admit that they've peed in a public pool.

Daily Hot Guy

[Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who I liked before all of you (I liked him in Angels In the Outfield, WHAT WHAT), so therefore I get him. That's how the universe works. I just decided. Shut up.]

Epic!Win
* OMG. THE BIG LEBOWSKI GOT ALL SHAKESPEARED UP:

BLANCHE: Now thou seest what happens, Lebowski, when the agreements of honourable business stand compromised. If thou wouldst treat money as water, flowing as the gentle rain from heaven, why, then thou knowest water begets water; it will be a watery grave your rug, drowned in the weeping brook. Pray remember, Lebowski.

TRULY WE LIVE IN BLESSED TIMES.

Food!Win
* It is very, very cold, so I demand someone make me this:

[Found at Cooking On The Side]
It's honey-oatmeal bread. Make it for me. BUT NO RAISINS. GOD HELP YOU IF I FIND A SINGLE RAISIN BESMIRCHING THE DELICIOUS HONOR OF MY BREAD.

Nostalgia!Win
* When I was a kid, we didn't have Peter Jackson with his amazing movies and sexy actors acting out The Lord of the Rings trilogy. We didn't have Christopher Lee as Sauruman. WE HAD CARTOONS. Yes, kids, gather round Granny Elle. We had cartoons. But not cute little cartoons. No, we had the most twisted, FUCKED UP cartoons ever created by the hand of man.

LOOK AT THE HOBBIT:

[Found at Cover Shut]
HOLY SHIT. And now the Lord of the Rings cartoon trilogy is coming out on DVD, and it will traumatize a whole new generation of kids. NOW GET OFF MY LAWN, AND FETCH GRANNY ELLE A GIN AND TONIC.

Want
* If I have to explain why I want a Mario question block coin candy box THING, you have not been paying attention to this blog:

[Found at Neatorama]
Plus, if someone annoyed you, you could bash them over the head with the box, and then cheer when candy flies out. But if the person doesn't get up, have an alibi. Common sense.

Interwebz
* WIN.

[Found at Neatorama]
ROFLMFAO EPIC WIN.

Whut?

An Erie woman set a chair on fire and twice stabbed a door during an argument in her West 18th Street apartment early Thursday, police said.

That's show.... the other chairs.... and doors... in her apartment....

Girly!Want
* OMIGOD I NEED THESE SHOES IN MY CLOSET:

[Found at ShoeLust]
And they're 30% off! What a steal! So they're only....$609.00. Oh. If you need me, I'll be crying in the corner.

Life Lessons
* I do love winter, but it's FREEZING ALL THE TIME:

[Found at Indexed]

OK, kiddos. Happy Friday.
- LV

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