She Undercut The Subtle Nuance Of My Wiener Joke!

Blog
* Title is from Mystery Science Theater 3000.

Celebrity!Fail
* I had a great day yesterday. And I will discuss it at a later date, when I'm awake, and have enough caffeine in my system to function.
I'm saying this because I want you to understand that I am not showing you this video out of malice:

But it's Monday, and if that isn't the right time for Shaquille O'Neal to frighten the masses with his neon pink Speedo, I don't know what is.

Zombies
* Patrick Swayze was almost in Zombieland, spoofing Ghost. I didn't like Ghost that much, but Point Break is one of the best action movies ever made, and then Hot Fuzz made fun of it, and I loved it even more. And I still haven't seen Zombieland, which I will rectify this week.

Apocalypse How?
* We're making crises faster than we can solve them. So we're sort of overachievers. This should comfort us as we doom our species to extinction. I guess. I'm in too good a mood to be worried about the doom. You guys worry about it.

Conventions
* So the New York Comic Con is joining forces with the New York Anime Festival. This should be interesting. While there are a goodly number of fans that overlap in their loves of anime and comics, there will definitely be some strange interactions between the hardcore Manga fans and the uber-devoted classic comic fans. I hope some sociologists attend, for research.

Daily Hot Guy

[Clive Owen, who I sort of loved in Sin City, and was great in Croupier, but who I cannot think of in any role besides Shoot 'Em Up, because he KILLED SOMEONE WITH A CARROT. Requested by Kristamaru, who uses celery with terrifying and deadly force.]

Dollhouse
* I told you I'd catch up on Dollhouse, and I did. I thought Instinct showed some surprisingly good acting from Eliza Dushku (mainly the scene where Echo asks if she can be the mother), and in Belle Chose, I have decided that Enver Gjokaj may be the best actor on the show as Victor. Did you see him as Kiki? It was genius. Truly. Dude wins all the internets. Here's an interview with Joss Whedon. I still have faith in you, Mr. Whedon. And ALPHA WASH IS COMING BACK. And TV will be good again.

Epic!Fail
* The following is a list of people whose support of Roman Polanski makes me very, very sad:
Terry Zwigoff, Wim Wenders, Woody Allen, Pedro Almodovar, Wes Anderson, Darren Aronofsky, Monica Bellucci, Gael Garcia Bernal, Bernardo Bertolucci, Guillermo del Toro, Stephen Frears, Terry Gilliam, Emma Thompson, Salman Rushdie, Paul Auster, Jeremy Irons, Tilda Swinton....
There are a lot more, but after Tilda Swinton I stopped looking.

Books
* I love how angry fonts make some people. Especially Comic Sans. Which Watchmen did not invent. Because that would be awful.

Childhood!Fail
* Kids have changed:

Wyoming police say an 11-year-old boy driving a large SUV led officers on a high speed chase reaching speeds of 100 mph.

The boy ditched the vehicle and jumped into a lake and began swimming but returned to shore where police collared him.

When I was eleven, I thought I was a rebel for staying up late to watch Are You Afraid Of The Dark?

OK, must go do things now. It is Monday, after all.
- LV

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Neil, It's Your Grief Counselors. We've Come To Hug.

Blog
* Dean Winchester giving out free hugs? Totally worth zombie attacks. Title is from Supernatural.

* Michelle is my friend, but she's also an obscenely talented artist. Like, sometimes I look at her work, and think, 'dammit, why can't I draw ANYTHING?' My favorite is probably her drawing of Death. She's nearing 10,000 pageviews, which is badass, but she deserves many, many more. So go check out her gallery. And be sickened by how great she is.

* I don't know if she drew this because I mentioned them, or if Erin drew this for reasons I cannot begin to comprehend. Either way:

[Drawn by Erin]
I finally, for the first time, comprehend Stephen Colbert's intense hatred and fear of bears. They ARE godless killing machines!

Politics
* Crush videos are fetish movies of people killing small animals, often by 'crushing them.' Yeah, that is all sorts of fucked up The Supreme Court had hearings on crush videos earlier this week. There is NO defending this sort of behavior. But some people are. It is NOT the same as fishing. Fishing doesn't involve smooshing the fish for sexual pleasure, and if it DOES, you are DOING IT WRONG.

* My resolve to ignore Michael Steele because he's sort of an ineffective bozo has faded. Because he keeps talking, and I either A) understand what he's saying and hate him, or B) don't understand him at all, get angry about not understanding, and hate him.

* The band Muse, (brilliant band, incidentally, even if Stephenie Meyers is trying to ruin them for everyone), asked Glenn Beck to retract his endorsement of them and their music. Mr. Beck had stated that he loved the band, and thought everyone should buy the album.

“They would like me to retract my endorsement,” Beck told listeners. “My apologies to Muse for saying that I like them. I didn’t mean to destroy all their credibility and all their coolness.

“It’s an awful album and you should never go out and buy it.”

Um, you all know my issues with Glenn Beck, but I sort of think this is a funny way to respond. Like, it's clever. DAMMIT, GLENN BECK. DO NOT AMUSE ME AND BE UNEXPECTEDLY FUNNY.

Then it turns out, at the end of the article, that Muse never contacted Glenn Beck, OR DID THEY? I don't know. Either way, it's funny because A) The band may or may not have asked Glenn Beck to not sell their music to his fans, and B) Glenn Beck's answer was rather brilliant. There, you happy? I gave credit where it was deserved. Fair and balanced.

Food
* FINALLY. In college, I frequently made the joke that I wanted caffeine to be in powder form so I could roll in it, absorb it through the skin, stay up for two weeks, and finish all my assignments. So this is very gratifying:

[Found at Crunch Gear]

These are Pixy Stix, only with pure, delicious caffeine in them. Each tube has 20% more caffeine than a cup of coffee (of which I am on my third). That is epic. I am going to buy out the entire stock, catch up on all my writing assignments, and RUN across the country.

Celebrity!Fail
* How hard is it to not cheat on your spouse? If you stop liking them, break up with them. Or go to counseling. Whatever. I am not married, so I don't know what it's like to be in that situation. But honestly, I don't think David Letterman deserves any sort of support for admitting he screwed around. It' doesn't make him noble. You shouldn't cheat. Plus he's very old, and sort of gross, yeah? I don't want to think about him doing ANYTHING with ANYONE, ever. That's his punishment. He is now a never-nude.

And yes, his monologue was indeed amusing, but that is HARDLY a defense.

Zombies
* There are great moments in zombie history. You should study them, and learn from the mistakes of others, that you may survive the oncoming apocalypse. Except for Bruce Campbell. He never makes mistakes. It's a gift. And we all know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the original Night Of The Living Dead is the quintessential zombie movie. There is no debating this. It is a fact of life. Like air. Re-Animator made me afraid to own a cat. Or wary of roommates.

Apocalypse How?
* Sometimes a product comes along that is so horrifying, so intrinsically stupid and evil and wrong, that you can point to it and say, 'There. There is when society crumbled beneath our feet.'

And what the hell is wrong with the women at the beginning of this ad? Are they REALLY sad about cake and cupcakes? Are they evil? NOBODY is ever made sad by baked sweets.

And it's a cake. With filling. You don't need to BUY anything to make this. I want to hit someone with the pan. And I know people who want to buy this. It saddens me. Truly, the End is Nigh.

Daily Hot Guy

[Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who was rather a revelation on Third Rock From The Sun, and then was in Mysterious Skin, which was an excellent film I never want to see again, and this picture keeps making me think of Billy Crudup in Watchmen, when he was wearing all those motion-sensor dots. Requested by KaishaBackwards, who needs to explain the dots in this picture.]

Conventions
* As if you needed another reason to go to the Big Apple Comic Con, the New York Geekcast will be there, and you could hang out with them, or get to say hi if nothing else. Maybe I WILL go, after all.

Dollhouse
* I'm sorry, OK? I didn't watch Dollhouse last night. I was watching Lie To Me, and knitting, and I didn't feel like fighting with the members of my household for control over the television, so I didn't, OK? And I still haven't watched last week. This article analyzes why even people like me, who adore Joss Whedon and WANT to love his work, are struggling with Dollhouse.
But I've heard Alpha Wash is returning, and going to kill people, so I will catch up with the show, just for him.
Friend: What would you do if Alpha killed Topher?
Me: I think I'd just go into the fetal position for a while. Why would you suggest such a thing? Joss Whedon hears all!
Friend: That's what you get for making fun of my love of Twilight.
Me: Yeah, but that sucks.

Epic!Fail
* I really, really hate clowns:

So a clown that can start fires, with his mind, is pretty much the end of it all for me. Except maybe a clown-bear-spider. Dennis Quaid as a clown is just wrong. I can't even talk about this anymore.

Books
* The new Iain M. Banks book, Transition, is supposed to be a gorgeous mind-screw, and I intend to buy it today, and write a review. In part because I lost my list of books I've read this year when I changed my Blogger format, and I am saddened by this, because I had over fifty books on that list. And because you can never have enough books. This is truth.

Childhood!Fail

see more Epic Fails

Doctor Who
* Reason number infinity I need to movie to England/Wales/somewhere awesome: I would have already seen the Doctor Who Greatest Moments, as opposed to trolling YouTube for clips, and finding nothing. Anyway, I like English food. What? It's good.

Inglourious Basterds
* I want Quentin Tarantino to make a Western/Gangster/Musical. With Neil Patrick Harris, Tim Roth, Jackie Earle Haley, Jensen Ackles, and... um... Sacha Baron Cohen. Admit it, you'd see that movie. Everyone would see that movie. Even Tarantino haters would rush to this film.
I like this picture of Mr. Tarantino:

And on the Tarantino scale of ugly shirts, this may be one of the best.

OK, enough for now. Much to do. Busy-ness and such.

Tomorrow I may not be able to post a blog entry, because I'm going to have the Best Day Ever, so I will probably post another entry later today, or do a super-duper one Monday, or... something. I don't know. There will be something special tomorrow, to make up for me rushing off to enjoy the Best Day Ever. Yes, it needs capital letters. Some things just do.
- LV

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My World Is Crumbling Around Me.

Blog
* I say this often. Usually when the popcorn has burned, or my father has borrowed my car. Title is from Bone. I wish I had written it.

Conventions
* I NEED TO GO TO THE NEW ENGLAND FAN EXPERIENCE. LEONARD NIMOY WILL BE THERE AND GARETH DAVID-LLOYD AND Q. Q WILL BE THERE. EXCITEMENT.

Of course, I'd probably A) get arrested for hugging Mr. David-Lloyd around the middle and refusing to let go, weeping all the time, 'It's OK, Mr. Jones. It's OK now,' or B) make an ass of myself in front of Leonard Nimoy, which could only result in ritual suicide.

So. Who want's to go?

FlashForward
* This article on FlashForward is a bit old (it came out before last weeks' episode) but, like Lost, I think fans of the show need all the help they can get figuring out what the hell is going on.
I may like this better than Lost.

Dollhouse
* Um, I don't love the series. WAIT! I love Topher, and Alpha, and Whiskey, and everyone who isn't Echo. I just don't like Echo. At all. Or Caroline, for that matter. If the show were more ensemble, it would be better. Or if it was about Alpha. But I will continue to watch it and defend it, because I love the supporting characters so much, and 'Epitaph One' was an orgasm in TV form, and the premiere was fabulous. But Dollhouse isn't doing well. I suggest more Alpha.

Epic!Fail
* This was going to be a plain old Jersey!Fail, but when you read the bit below, you will understand why this story qualifies as EPIC:

'...a Superior Court judge dismissed animal-cruelty charges against a Moorestown police officer accused of sticking his penis into the mouths of five calves in rural Southampton in 2006, claiming a grand jury couldn't infer whether the cows had been "tormented" or "puzzled" by the situation...'

Dude also sexually assaulted three young girls, which is very fucked up because he was a COP, but in a different spectrum of bizarre from cow blow-jobs.. Maybe he should be in jail, and away from anything with an orifice? JUST A THOUGHT. YOU DO NOT DO THIS TO LIVING THINGS WITHOUT THEIR CONSENT. AND NEVER TO COWS. THAT'S JUST WRONG.

Books
* I bought books today. That's what credit cards are FOR, people. It's like Monopoly money. You don't have to pay it. I bought:
- The Fifth Elephant by Terry Pratchett
- Emotions Revealed by Paul Ekman
AND I got a discount, which made me happy. I would like to store my pretty new books betwixt these bookends:

[Found at Incredible Things]
Magnetic bookends. Why have these never existed before? It's so simple. And yet so genius. I could sit and stare at this for hours, marveling at the simple miracles of everyday life. With some alcohol.

Childhood!Fail
* Just once I'd like a poll to come out that shows that American kids AREN'T morons. I don't even think they make new polls anymore. This is probably the same one they showed when I was a kid, and everyone got up in arms for about thirty seconds over how dumb we all are, then we all wandered off and watched TV.

I got all the answers on this poll right. I don't think I deserve an award for this - I'm a twenty-three year-old college graduate. I DO have a suggestion: You get less than half right? Sterilization. That'll make the little shits do their homework. No, I don't have any children of my own, why do you ask?

Doctor Who
* Huzzah, Tom Baker is going to be doing audio dramas of Doctor Who! I love you so, Tom Baker. I'm trying to make a Doctor Who-esque scarf, in the sense that it is very very long and has mismatched colors. Tom Baker should show up with Christopher Eccelston and Peter Davison in a Doctor Who Special before David Tennant leaves. Who's with me?!

Inglourious Basterds
* Oh. For a second I thought the title implied TIM Roth and Quentin Tarantino were doing a new project together, as opposed to Eli Roth. I prefer Tim. But I enjoy Eli Roth, and still think Cabin Fever was a fun, gross movie, and his response to all that fandom madness was funny AND unsettling, which I enjoy. He needs to stop making Hostel movies though. I saw one the day before I went to Amsterdam, and spent the whole trip freaking out whenever an attractive foreigner approached me. Since I was in a foreign country, this happened often. Plus, watching people get tortured for two hours does NOTHING for me. I'm weird like that.

Star Trek
* TRIBBLES.

[Found at ONTD Star Trek]
DO WANT. DO WANT FOR THE SHEER GEEKY HEADY GEEKINESS. THEY PURR.
The thing is, I feel like I could make pretty good non-battery powered approximations. But if someone wants to buy these for me, I'll make them a shirt! A METAPHORICAL SHIRT.

Tribbles are fuzzy.

Today was good.
- LV

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It Only Seems Like High School. Actually, It's Much Worse.

Blog
* Meaning there's pee on ALL the toilet seats, and the gossip is ALL about you. Title is from Daria, which I miss.

TeeVee
* Premieres week starts tonight! I am terribly excited , and need to remember to set my DVR, otherwise I will be bereft. Tonight we have Heroes, House, and Castle. And then next week Lie To Me resumes. Yay! A night of Zachary Quinto, Hugh Laurie, and Nathan Fillion? It's too bad they're not all on a show together. I would end up in a joy coma.

* Speaking of Nathan Fillion and Joy Comas, this was the best part of the Emmy's last night:

Dear NPH, I love you. I want to be best friends and I'd also like a hug. You are awesome. Team Dr. Horrible!

WhedonVerse
* It's all Joss Whedon, all the time! OK, not really. This is just a crazy random happenstance. But Dollhouse is back on Friday, and with Dollhouse comes the return of Alpha Wash, crown prince of crazy. It will be the best thing ever, that night. Just lisren to Mr. Whedon talk. Use your words:
 

People I Love
* Oh, International Society of Supervillains. Please, please handle all my spam mail from now on. For the sake of my psyche. And because you are geniuses, and it would amuse you to annihilate these FOOLS.

Depression Session
* Hey, guess what? I know we're in a depression recession. I know people have less money, and things are tough all around, and that concessions have to be made. Sacrifices, even. All that aside, I am NOT paying money, on a vacation, to sleep in a bed made out of hay.
You can do that. Have fun. I'll be over here being sane, on the couch. With no hay.

Jersey!Fail
* This person and his tattoo does not represent me, or my state:

[Found at LOLTATZ]
Although now I'm thinking of all sorts of creative pit hair stylings that could amuse the tattoo-owner for months, if not years. He'll have time. Believe me, he'll have time.

Daily Hot Guy

[Ewan McGregor, who I could say funny and clever things about, but just look at his eyes and feel your cares melt away. Where the hell has he been, lately? I'd like him to make another movie with Christopher Eccleston and Danny Boyle. NOW.]

Fandom
* This is the best terrible Star Wars costume ever made:

[Found by Dolour Inviolate]
No, I'm serious. This is amazing. He dressed up as The Death Star. WHO DOES THAT?! That's awesome. I want someone to dress up as Serenity. Or the Enterprise. Why not? It's more interesting than the same old Spock and Luke Skywalker costumes, yeah? There are more bad costumes here, but I'm still planning an all-ship costume contest. It will be SWEET.

Vampires
* Oh, COME ON. Vampires are going to save the music industry? How? By Edward Cullen playing shitty piano ballads to his crazy-eyed girlfriend? Oh, wait, by co-opting all these artists I have liked for a long time and sticking them on shitty Twilight CDs. OK. Well, I've become rather dead emotionally after you started promoting Wuthering Heights as 'Edward and Bella's favorite book!' so I guess I almost expect you to show up and smear vampire feces all over Bon Iver. That was gross. I'm sorry for typing that. So I'll go buy lots of Bon Iver music (oh wait, I own it all) but NOT the Twilight music, because NOTHING GOOD comes out of that franchise.
Except Peter Facinelli. He's gorgeous.

Conventions
* Oh, look, lots of amazing conventions have been announced! The soundtrack to this category? My bitter, broken sobs of broke-ness.

Stuff To Live
* I'm not a violent girl, generally. But I am a small girl, and I need to defend myself, and the cops in my town frown upon homemade flame-throwers (boy, will their faces be red when the zombies attack), so I think I need to add this bag to my collection:

[Found at Like Cool]
You know what that is. It's a purse with brass knuckles. The perfect self-defense tool for the stylish young woman. And if you disagree, I can totally hit you in the face until you change your mind. And look adorable while doing so.

Moment Of Win

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Monday, stop kicking my ass and give me more coffee.
- LV

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