I Tried To Stay In The Car. I Really Did!

Blog
* He's lying, you know. He didn't try to stay in the car AT ALL. Title is from Castle, which got renewed!

People I Love
* Kelly Osbourne looks awesome (and I want her hair), her fiancee is adorable and practically clear he is so pale and blonde, and her dress amuses me to no end:

[Found at World of Wonder]
Really, how do I get that hair color? We as a society need to make this happen.

Geek Want
* When did sneakers become so amazingly cool again? And can we possibly get some Firefly sneakers? OOH, or Doctor Who-themed Converse, in honor of David Tennant? I HAVE SHOE IDEAS THAT THE WORLD NEEDS. Ahem. Here are Paper Mario Nikes:

[Found at Like Cool]
Oh, but my Imaginary Sneakers Of Super Awesome wouldn't be almost $200. That amount of money doesn't exist! HAHA.... I want to go shopping.

Food!Fail
* After multiple cakes of adorable charm, I figured I'd show you one that will crush your soul and destroy the very fiber of your being:

[Found at Very Demotivational]
Saddest. Cake. Ever.

Technology
* Here's a guide for watching porn on your iPad at work. I don't have an iPad, I don't watch porn (especially at work), and to be honest the fact that this article exists makes me want to sob over the fate of society. People, please: WAIT UNTIL YOU GET HOME TO ENJOY PORNOGRAPHY. Or at least aren't at work. I know it's about office work, but I just keep thinking about airplane pilots doing this, and I have ENOUGH PLANE ANXIETY AS IT IS, OK?

Life Lessons
* I love Spongebob, and I will not apologize for that. Plankton and Squidward are brilliant. And after a long day at work, sometimes I want to watch a talking sponge go jellyfishing with a squirrel, OK? I DON'T JUDGE YOUR LIFE. And while there are endless jokes involving Spongebob, and drugs, few are quite so accurate. Here's your handy guide for the spongey chemicals.:

[Found at Friggin Random]
Oh, and one episode definitely had a joke about Spongebob innocently delivering drugs to Patrick. For reals.

Daily Hot Guy

[Sam Trammell, AKA Sam Merlotte from True Blood. Have I mentioned I miss True Blood? In the South, everyone has amazing supernatural sex all the time and drinks and eats insane food. It's on HBO, so you know it's true.]

Daily Icon

[Sophia Loren, proof that goddesses do walk among us, and maybe if we stand close to them we can absorb some of their fabulosity.]

Movie!Win
* Have you seen The Raven? It's six minutes of epic fucking genius:

Avatar can EAT ME, I'll just watch this for two hours. And you know what? I'll be HAPPIER.

Wow
* Guys, what do you even want me to say here? What COULD I SAY? I just... I don't know. Nothing makes sense anymore. It's been a weird week, with a lot of stress, and I don't even OWN any chicken memorabilia:

[Found at The World's Best Ever]
To quote Warren Ellis, NO CHIKKINS.

WTF, INTERNET
* Ladies and gentlemen, I present a reusable Pokemon Maxi Pad. So when women have their period, they look at Pikachu:

[Found at Neatorama]
This is either the best thing or the worst thing ever to have happened in the history of the universe. I don't know. I can't decide. It's sort of hilarious, and entertaining, but it's Pokemon and I don't know. I'm more alarmed that someone looked at a Pokemon and decided to create a maxi pad. Who looks at Pikachu and thinks, "Wow, I'd love to BLEED ALL OVER THAT ONCE A MONTH?" I DEMAND AN ANSWER. Or maybe not. Maybe some things are best left unknown.
And maybe it's just me, but I don't much like the idea of Pokemon leaping into my lower orifice.

Animals
* BABY WOMBAT BABY WOMBAT IT IS SO TINY AND WEE AND BABY WOMBAT:

[Found at Daily Mail]
Wombats are native to New Jersey, right? I CAN HAZ? I'll name him Sigfried, and he can sleep at the foot of my bed with my dog and cat. BABY WOMBAT.

Music
* If Lady Gaga, Beyonce, and Metallica all had a huge orgy and then a hideous freak baby emerged from that unholy union, this is what we'd get:

I've named it MetalliGaga. Featuring Beyonce.

TeeVee
* I am full of conflict. For years, FOX has been the Evil TV Overlord. They cancel ALL the shows I love, and make me cry, and fuck up the order of the episodes they do air (remember what they did to Firefly? DO YOU?) or they cut the number (Arrested Development) and basically take every show I love and shit all over it, leaving me a miserable and angry fangirl shouting into the void of the internet, while Life, Unexpected gets renewed on the CW (I have never seen this show, but the commercials were so obnoxious that I hate the show forever now) (CW is still the WB, no matter what ANYONE says).

But the winds are changing. No, really. This year, FOX made Glee, and they renewed Human Target AND Lie To Me, when common sense insisted that one of them would get the axe, which made me enormously happy, because now I have snarky British Tim Roth AND Jackie Earle Haley on a weekly basis. So apparently FOX is taking a break from making me sad, since they already cancelled Dollhouse a while back.

BUT BUT now NBC is being dickish. As I mentioned, they cancelled Heroes. And while I love the show (I have to admit Igave up this season because I had no idea what was going on, and nobody seemed to have any clue what they were doing, and Hiro was sad all the time, and Sylar was more whiny than insane/sexy, among other reasons) it was time for it to go. It had a good few years (its first season remains genius) and deserves to step out with dignity (and a return of Christopher Eccleston as Crazy Invisible Pigeon Man Of Secks?).

Unfortunately, NBC has decided to steal the Dickish Network title from FOX, for reasons I cannot comprehend, and is just ENDING the series on a CLIFFHANGER, and not even giving us a series finale TV movie episode THING. AND THAT IS HORSE-SHIT. LV DOES NOT APPROVE IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM. The show was really good, and juggled some very complex (occassionally demented) plot lines, and ROBERT FORRESTER WAS A VILLAIN, DUDES. AND SULU WAS ON IT. SULU. SULU WILL FUCK A BITCH UP. God dammit, I'm remembering how much I used to love the show.

OK, new plan: Sylar and Peter Petrelli team up and fight the NBC Executive assholes, shirtless, and Hiro makes that adorable wobbly face, and Sulu KILLS EVERYONE, and then the cute boys all kiss, and Claire falls down a well (OH, and Ali Larter, who does not have a power but a DISORDER) the end.

I miss Heroes.
- LV

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Man, These Anti-Piracy Ads Are Getting Really Mean.

Blog
* Pretty soon people will stand behind you and beat you if you download a video. Title is from The IT Crowd.

TeeVee
* Did you watch Human Target last night? it's corny and amazing and Guerrero makes the show everything it could be and more, and his mustache has secret powers, and SIMON TAM FROM FIREFLY WAS ON LAST NIGHT. Fangirl fangasm. Times infinity. It's a really fun show, and I encourage you all to watch it, so you understand my Twitter shrieks of 'HE HAS THE ANTIDOTE UNDER HIS 'STACHE.'

Politics
* I hate to say it, but Scott Brown won the election fair and square, and ran a much better campaign than his competition, Democrat Fail, and frankly I think people complaining about him winning need to look at a good campaign versus a bad campaign (WHO INSULTS FENWAY PARK? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOU'RE CAMPAIGING) and concede that he ran a better game. It's that simple.

Political-politics aside, this makes me sort of like him, because it's horrifying and funny and any teenage (or former teenage) girl can understand the profound humiliation we are witnessing:

OK, Scott Brown, you're sort of entertaining.

Girly Want
* Oh. My. God. I am a short girl Five foot even. I am dainty and wee. Perhaps as a result, I enjoy insane big-ass shoes that kick the shit out of everything, such as these, which would make me normal height:

[Found at Shoe Lust]
Look at these gorgeous bastards. They are exquisite. I could kick the crap out of EVERYTHING. I would run around kicking things, and looking badass, and be fierce and tall-ish. SHORT PEOPLE REPRESENT.

Life Lessons

[Found at Indexed]

Movie!Win
* Yes, I will probably see Clash of the Titans at some point, for two very good reasons: Ralph Fiennes and Liam Neeson. In the meantime, here are some pictures of Sam Worthington, AKA Tall Blue Dude from the Sex Hair Movie:

[Found at Collider]
He's pretty, OK? But I prefer the dulcet tones of Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes, thank you very much.

Daily Hot Guy

[Patrick Wilson and his wife, and I'm mostly posting this picture because I dearly love a man who can rock a hat, and God DAMN, sir, you can rock that hat hard. Well done.]

Wow
* This hurts my brain. I want this so badly. I would devote my life to solving it:

[Found at Contact Music]
I could solve this puzzle, with copious amounts of caffeine and a REALLY clear social calendar. Maybe.

Tattoo Of Win
* THE PIGGY, IT HAS BEEN INKED:

[Found at Oddee]
There are nine other weird types of tattoos, but if you need me, I'll be staring at the PIGGIES WITH THE SERIOUS INK.

Animals

see more dog and puppy pictures

Seriously, how is it only Wednesday? I need to know how this is possible. This seems like the longest goddamn week in the history of the universe. ARE WE IN A TIME VORTEX? Because if so, I need a doctor. THE Doctor.

I need more coffee.
- LV

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You Haven't Seen My Drawer Of Inappropriate Starches?

Blog
* Reason number infinity why I love Topher in all his demented, bizarre glory. Title is from Dollhouse.

Torchwood
* This may be the funniest and most accurate piece ever written on Torchwood:

As you will find out, Torchwood is explosions and fucking. This makes it the best damn show ever.

And

Ianto Jones- Has sex with Jack and makes tea. He also shot Owen.

And

Captain Jack Harkness- Has fucked everybody ever. Also he can't die. This is probably important.

The whole thing is brilliant and hilarious and ACCURATE, and I may be getting ready to watch Children of the Earth again.

People I Love
* So I really do adore Eli Roth, despite (or because of) his inherent douchery. He seems like a fun, sexy asshole. We need more of those. And I loved Cabin Fever, even though the Hostel movies make me angry and sad and very uncomfortable, because frankly I don't LIKE watching people get tortured to death.
Anyway, this explains a lot:

Horror movie director Eli Roth has revealed that he once worked as a sex chat room operator, posing as a woman.

It all makes sense now.

TeeVee
* I miss The X-Files (in particular Fox Mulder, who I had a truly unhinged love for, his addiction to porn notwithstanding, and his sunflower seeds, and.... what were we talking about?) and each week I was almost invariably scared out of my shit, and would spend the rest of the week sobbing myself to sleep because multi-fingered blind kids were going to walk up my street and die, or eat each other, or something.

But there were some funny episodes, that kept my panic levels down, and here are the funniest, for your edification.

Awesome
* Bananas are good. Now you can save bananas with this clip, and I know it's a goddamn clip, but for some reason I find it to be unvbelievably clever, and I want one.

[Found at Boing Boing]
Really, this amazes me. It's SO SIMPLE AND BRILLIANT. Now I want a banana. And a sonic screwdriver.

Movie!Win
I am going to see Kick-Ass, and I refuse to apologize for this, because it looks fun and entertaining and cool people shoot shit, and I am EASILY PLEASED BY SUCH THINGS. Also the trailer is awesome:

Found by ThatRevChap, who has secret internet powers, so be nice to him or he'll destroy us all. He totally could. He's English.

Daily Hot Guy

[Seth Green, who could fit in most people's pocket, but not mine, because I am tiny, so we are a perfect match. He's hot. Leave me alone.]

Wow
* Do these remind anyone else of Monty Python?

[Found at Unique Daily]
Please tell me I'm not alone in this. I'm scared. WTF, JAPAN?

Animals
* Am I the only one who would totally watch a kids' movie about Snowball, the Overweight Hedgehog?

[Found at The Daily Mail]
I think not. He is a fat little hedgehog, and I want to poke his belly!

Tattoo Of Win

[Found by BenjaminBarnes, finder of goodness]

Movie!Fail
* Can we as a species agree to no more Transformers movies? PLEASE? Look what it's doing to Topless Robot!

Fourth but not least, I can't imagine Michael Bay not casting Fox in TF3. He's such a hack that he'd never let anything like that get in the way of making a jillion-dollar movie. He's never cared about anything like that before. If suddenly Michael Bay's "dignity" is such that he can't work with Megan Fox, after selling out HARDER THAN ANYONE ELSE EVER HAS IN THE HISTORY OF EVER AND NEVER MORE PROMINENTLY THAN IN TRANSFORMERS WITH ITS RACIST GMC CARS AND LG PHONES AND PEANUTS AND COUNTLESS OTHER BULLSHIT I WILL KILL HIM. I WILL KILL MICHAEL BAY FOR HIS HYPOCRISY AND I WILL WEAR HIS SKIN.

Although a Michael Bay wardrobe would be funny, right?

WTF, INTERNET?
* And it's a rare NSFW WTF, INTERNET. It's a thing for people who want to enjoy alone-time happiness, called a vibrator. Only unlike most others out there, this one is made from recycled materials, and you have to hand-crank it for 4 minutes to make it work for 30.
Now, CARPAL TUNNEL SYNDROME DOES NOT MAKE FOR SEXY TIMES. And by the time you're done cranking that freaking thing (and how does one FEEL, I wonder, cranking a vibrator?) you're so tired and frustrated and out of sorts that you just want to go to sleep and be left alone, and WHO IS INVENTING THIS CRAP, AND HOW DO WE GET THEM TO STOP?

Girly Shit
* As someone who loves Lady Gaga, I have a high threshold for strange fashion choices (I also have bright red hair, but that's another story). But even I find this dress worn by Rihanna repulsive and uncomfortable, and do not want it to catch on, OK?

[Found at World Of Wonder]
THERE IS SO MUCH WRONG WITH THIS DRESS. IT LOOKS COLD AND ITCHY AND HAS STRANGE OPENINGS, AND THE PATTERN IS FREAKISH, and I really do like her hair, but THAT IS IRRELEVANT WHEN FACED WITH THIS DRESS. WHO SUGGESTED THIS OUTFIT? IT'S THE SAME PERSON WHO GIVES US HAND-CRANKED SEX TOYS, ISN'T IT?

Pictures from stuff I bought will appear later, because I am promoting the shit out of nice people I know who sell things. AND I GOT MAKEUP AND CUTE SHIRTS. YAY ME.
- LV

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I AM A Giddy Goat.

Blog
* You know, when you say this out loud, in real life, people tend to give you some peculiar looks. Title is from The IT Crowd.

* ThatRevChap (who is the husband of the fabulous and all-powerful Patience, proving the universe can be glorious sometimes) has a gaming blog, and because of it I now want video games, an iPhone, and Ben & Jerry's ice cream. And I think I deserve them.

Daily Buy
* I want these leather gauntlets, and I think they are badass, and I know for a fact I am not getting them, but I SHOULD, RIGHT?

[Found at Free People]
They are SWEET, and only $30.00, and a STEAL, and I need them in my life, because I think the zombie apocalypse is coming soon, and these would be helpful, and I will only tell you how to survive said apocalypse in exchange for these leather gauntlets. Times are tough, guys.

Holiday!Fail
Roland Burris has ruined "'Twas The Night Before Christmas".

Well, then.

TeeVee
* I can't embed this video, which is depressing, but you MUST click the link, because it is Dean Winchester (AKA Jensen Ackles) from Supernatural, ad-libbing a music video to 'Eye Of The Tiger' while dancing all over the Impala, and I could watch it forever and be a better person. Sent to me by Karma, who HAS the eye of the tiger, but not Dean Winchester. DOES SHE?

Awesome
* Oh. My. God. What you are about to see was sent to me by BossMew, and I will be in her debt for this for ALL TIME. It is a picture of David Tennant. Dressed as Russell Brand. THERE ARE NO WORDS:

NO WORDS, PEOPLE.

Childhood!Fail
* And, on the opposite end of the wordless spectrum, we have this delightful piece of information:

As many as three-quarters of state schools are failing to push their brightest pupils because teachers are reluctant to promote 'elitism', an Ofsted study says today.

This is happening in England. Here in the US, we don't have gifted students. We sell them to other countries for gold. Low blow?

Daily Hot Guy

[Anthony Rapp, because it's almost Christmas, and even jaded New Yorkers sort of love Rent at Christmas, RIGHT? Anyway, who cares, he's adorable, and when he sings I am happy.]

Movie!Win
* Um, I kind of love Mark Millar's Batman idea. Don't hurt me, but the idea of the Joker as super-rich, quasi Se7en serial killer anarchist (with Harley Quinn, PLZ?) makes me all fangirly and squee. I would see this movie. SEE IT A LOT. But until then, I'll have to buy the comic, Nemesis, when it comes out, and see how this all turns out.
And yes, I know of course that his idea is not a Batman comic, but I am going to pretend that the Joker and Harley have renovated Arkham into a kick-ass mansion, and have cool gadgets, and are rich and crazy.

Wow
* Today I learned that we should NEVER, EVER mix Family Guy with Disney animation.

Family Guy - Disney Style - A funny movie is a click away
HOLY CRAP. I am scared and frightened and want to go away from all of it.
Except for the Adam West mouse. I love that bit.

Animals
* The giant bunny thinks it's a doggie!

[Found at the Daily Mail]
I have nothing else to add. DOGGIE BUNNY.

Crafts
* You can make a VCR into a toaster.

[Found at Neatorama]
Today everything is upside down! DOGS ARE BUNNIES, TENNANT IS BRAND, AND VCRS ARE TOASTERS.
PS The Young Ones is one of the best fucking shows EVER.

Tattoo Of Win

[Found at Ugliest Tattoos]
I am going to pretend, for the rest of my life, that this man's name is actually Tom.

OK. I may be getting sick, or someone may have laced my coffee with Swine Flu. Which would be the same thing, ish.

- LV

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What The Hell Kind Of Language Is That?

Blog
* Cultural sensitivity knows no boundaries. Title is from Cannibal! The Musical.

* Stina is one of the most talented writers I know, and her brain is actually sort of scary because she's so effing talented. I love her writing, and her horror is actually scary and intense, unlike mine, which gets distracted and makes fun of itself. Anyway, read her work.

PLUS, her blog is SNOWING. SERIOUSLY.

Daily Buy
* ZOMBIES.

[Found at Amazon]
Left For Dead 2: EVEN MORE ZOMBIES FOR ME TO KILL. I played L4D, but only at the homes of sympathetic friends, because I don't have an XBOX360, or a PC (STUPID MAC). But I need this, for so many obvious reasons, and I suppose that means I also need this:

[Found at Best Buy]
And a TV. And, you know, many cords to hook it up. But it's worth it. ZOMBIES, GUYS. ZOMBIES.


Holiday!Fail
* You know, I just think I should stop clicking on links sent by Warren Ellis:

[Found at Santa, NO!]
WHAT DID YOU DO TO PRANCER? OH THE HUMANITY!

Books
* I love how books smell. And that makes me a scientist, apparently, GO ME:

Matija Strlic and colleagues write in the ACS's Analytical Chemistry about "material degradomics," a techniques by which the odors emanating from old books are noninvasively analyzed to figure out which books are rotting and need preservation

So.... the smell is the smell of books DYING? That's horrible! It's the smell of DEAD LITERATURE? I need a hug. Books are supposed to live forever. So if you have a good nose, you should offer it up for smelling the health of books, so we can preserve them. It's your DUTY.

Nostalgia!Win
* Do you remember Lite Brite? Best toy ever, yeah? And I had this one:

[Found at Topless Robot]
No, you are NOT hallucinating: THAT IS TALESPIN LITE BRITE. I KNOW. And I had the My Little Pony set, and the Muppets set. And the Fraggle Rock set.
But I did not have the Mr. T set. I didn't even know it EXISTED. What else did my parents keep from me?
Here are the 10 Awesomest Lite Brite sets. I miss Lite Brite.

Doctor WHo
* I'm just pretending End of Time isn't happening. It's easier for me. So let's all look at this pretty Doctor Who picture that has NO IMPLICATIONS OR SPOILERS WHATSOEVER. Click to embiggen it:


Daily Hot Guy

[Taye Diggs. Dude's a geek, and a good husband and father. Um. And he can sing. Really well. Yeah, I need to stop typing now.]

People I Love
* There are spoilers in this video of Tim Roth, but it is worth being spoiled, because the video is SO epic:


Movie!Fail
* The Karate Kid remake continues to destroy my faith in humanity:

[Found at Collider]
I don't even care anymore. Will Smith's spawn is ruining my childhood memories.

TeeVee
* Who sent me this brilliant chart about Supernatural?

[Found at Cracked]
I need to reward you for your genius.

But Bela and Dean still have angry hate sex, right? RIGHT?

Awesome

1. awesomesistance
n. 1: the act of assisting, in the discovery of awesomeness/something awesome.

2: the act of assisting one to become more awesome.
I'm glad I could be of awesomesistance.

KAISHA INVENTED THIS WORD, AND I WAS THERE WHEN IT HAPPENED. SWEET.

Words Of Win

[Found at Autocomplete Me]
I think goats are my favorite animals.

I can go back to sleep now, yeah?
- LV

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So This Guy Comes In, Stops The Plot Cold, & Leaves.

Blog
* Title is from Mystery Science Theater 3000, Greatest Show Ever.

* This blog is one you need to check out: The Rock 'n Roll Cook. Rock stars. Telling you how to make their favorite foods, and the insane stories around them. This is brilliant. WHY has no one thought of this before?

Did you know the drummer from Black Sabbath is a vegan? Yes, Bill Ward is one of the only cool vegans alive. He gives you the recipe for his enchilada pie. If you eat it while listening to old-school Black Sabbath, you are imbued with the power of a thousand rock gods.

There are also interviews and recipes featuring Joss Stone, producer Ethan Johns (the man behind Kings of Leon, Ray LaMontagne, Paolo Nutini, Ryan Adams, Rufus Wainwright, Emmylou Harris, The Jayhawks and Crowded House), among others.

The touring drummer for Nine Inch Nails like Frito Chili Pie. I think we made that back in college. For roommates that wouldn't clean the bathroom. It was delicious, but there was a good chance it would kill you. I miss college.

FREAKANGELS FRIDAY
* Yes, it is that glorious day of the week again, wherein Warren Ellis emerges from his technological fortress and gifts us with the sweat from his brilliant brow. After all those weeks of skips, which led to me bemoaning the fate of humanity, we have CONSISTENCY. AND GLOWING EYES. Maybe Karl will explode someone, and I will delight in it.

I need more coffee. Spoilers beneath my signature at the bottom of the entry.

Daily Buy
* This would be a great gift for a kid. It's one of those plant-kits where you learn about nature. But you know what makes this one special? DINOSAURS:

As these bean plants sprout, different dinos appear on the pods that emerge - a truly enchanting way to introduce children to the wonders of the natural world.

[Found at What On Earth]
This would be the best gift. For a child. Yes. Not for an adult. We are ABOVE such silly things. We don't want plants.... with dinosaurs.... RAPTORS.... What?

Holiday!Fail
* The following conversation is true. It was not exaggerated in any way.
Mom: What is that?
Me: It's an ornament.
Mom: Is it Winston Churchill?
Me: What?
Mom: It's Churchill, right?
Me: It's an ORNAMENT.
Mom: You said that. But it's Winston Churchill.
Me: WHY would anyone want Winston Churchill hanging from their tree?
Mom: I don't know. Your blog has all sorts of weird crap. Winston Churchill ornaments would be pretty boring, comparably.
Me: It's a baby:

[Found at Regretsy]
Mom: Why would anyone want an ornament of a screaming baby Winston Churchill?
Me: It's ISN'T- I don't know, Mom. I really don't anymore.

Books
* I love Michael Chabon. Wonder Boys is a fantastic book. So is The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay. And Gentlemen of the Road. Here, he talks about his new book. I'm sorry, I have no snark. I want Michael Chabon's career. AND he likes Doctor Who.

Nostalgia!Win
* Have we talked about my Mortal Kombat love? I loved the games (but none compared to Trilogy), I loved the movies (SHUT UP I WAS YOUNG AND FOOLISH), and the soundtrack is still damn good music to work out too. I miss Mortal Kombat, while at the same time hoping fervently that they NEVER remake the movies, because the ORIGINAL movies were terrible.

What were we talking about? Oh, right, Mortal Kombat, greatest game EVER. And this made me miss it even more:

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

SUB-ZERO FTW.

Daily Hot Guy

[Sam Trammell, who plays Sam on True Blood. Sam used to be my favorite. No longer, but he's still in the top three. I miss True Blood. When does it come back on?

Doctor Who
* I kind of want to watch every Doctor Who episode ever, all over again, for no good reason other than Doctor Who is EPIC LIFE-GIVING WIN.
Anyway, they've announced the dates for The End of Time. I need a hug. From David Tennant. Is he available?

People I Love
* I love Emails from Crazy People, because comparatively speaking, EVERYONE is sane. EVERYONE. I also love this dude, who admitted to wanting to hire someone to dress up as a pilgrim on Thanksgiving to serve him and his guests dinner:

[Found at Emails From Crazy People]
He's a total asshole, but at least he's up front about it. 'Gravy-ladler' isn't a career you hear much about anymore, is it?

Movie!Fail
* David Fincher is directing a movie that features Justin Timberlake.

Yeah, I'm done.

PS I lied, I'm not done. Jesse Eisenberg is in the movie too, and he's rapidly becoming Epic!Win, so maybe if he punches Justin Timberlake, everything will be all better, yes?

TeeVee
* Besides being rich, talented, and BRILLIANT, Edgar Wright has the urge to display amazing DVD TV shows that are not mine:

FINE, Mr. Wright. You win at EVERYTHING. OK? Except being a girl. That's where I'm a VIKING.

Also, I probably know more about Hunter Thompson and fashion than you do. I said 'probably.' I'm not taking any chances.

Awesome
* OMIGOD. OMIGOD.

[Found at Hijinks Ensue]
Kaisha found this for me. I adore her. ALMOST AS MUCH AS BACON ALPHA WASH.

Seriously, it's like these guys climbed into my head and made all my deepest desires come to comic life!

EPIC WIN, PEOPLE. RIGHT HERE.

Movie!Win
* ZOMBIELAND 2. IN 3-D.
That's the tag-line. That I just invented. My fee is several hours with Tallahassee, and a lifetime supply of Twinkies.

I really don't care much either way about the 3-D aspect, but whatever Zombieland thinks is good for me IS good for me. I also want the DVD now. And I think I'll wear my Tallahassee hat today.

Childhood!Fail
* If the image of Megan Fox getting leg-humped by a tiny racist robot as Megatron DIES didn't annhilate Transformers for you, try this:

How did that work? You OK? Stop crying. MEGATRON HATES YOU AND YOUR HUMAN TEARS.

Wow
* Alan Moore. Singing.

[Found at Topless Robot]
Brain broken now. Ears too. All broken bits in head-bones.

Animals
* OTTERS. I WANT AN OTTER. I WILL NAME HIM OLIVER. I AM UNCREATIVE:

How about Ollie? Oswald? OSCAR?

OK, time to read more FREAKANGELS. And if I decide to wear my Tallahassee hat, there will be pictures.
- LV

WARNING: SPOILERS FOR THIS WEEKS' FREAKANGELS TO FOLLOW
- Mark got a booboo! Wow, way for me to undermine the drama. And GOD DAMN THE CARS ESPLODED.

I'd say this would make a sick movie, but then they'd fuck it up, and I would be filled with sorrow and rage. And nobody wants THAT.

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Youth Is Truth! I Wish 'Old' Rhymed With 'Lies!'

Blog
* Maybe it does, maybe it does. Title is from Mr. Show.

Daily Buy
* I know what I want for Christmas:

[Found at Like Cool]
It's a TANK. A TANK. I need this. Because then I get to pretend I'm in Firefly, and wear a leather skirt and, like, a halter top and have big Tina Turner in Beyond the Thunderdome hair, and this thing has FLAME THROWERS, PEOPLE. I could live in this tank.
And it's a steal at $19,999.95. YOU CAN BUY IT ON AMAZON.

People I Love
* Here's an article from NY Magazine about Neil Patrick Harris, and how totally wonderful and made of win he is. AND HE'S A MAGICIAN. DID I JUST BLOW YOUR MIND?

Fandom
* I don't like Pokemon, and I don't like math, but I sort of love this:

[Found at Geekologie]

Movie!Fail
* We don't need another Amityville Horror remake. Really, we've had enough. The last one only got a pass because of Ryan Reynold's arms. And before you call that shallow, have you SEEN his arms? They end most arguments. They are very good arms.

This is not from Amityville Horror, but I like it for many reasons. Anyway, unless you want to feature another sexy guy going crazy shirtless, I am calling this Movie!Fail.

TeeVee
* Remember all those 'baby' cartoons that came out for a while? Tiny Toon Adventures was one of my favorites. Wasn't there a Looney Toons Babies or something? I remember being very scared of Bugs Bunny in a diaper. Here's a list of the best and worst, according to Topless Robot. Yes, Topless Robot did expose us all to the Fan Fiction Friday I posted yesterday. But there's NONE OF THAT in this link. I promise. I couldn't handle that.

Daily Hot Guy

[Neil Patrick Harris, AKA NPH, and I SWEAR I do not plan this stuff out, the Blog just knows who I'm talking about and acts accordingly. It's a little scary, if I stop and think about it.]

Awesome
* If you've seen this, you need to see it again. If you haven't seen it, you need to be exposed to the endless glory of this video:

That should get us all through Monday, right?

Movie!Win
* The title of this category is literal, as some dude bought an old film off of eBay, for less than $6.00 (did that include shipping and handling? Probably not, they KILL you on the shipping), and it turned out to be the Lost Charlie Chaplin film. Stuff like this actually HAPPENS? I worked at a video store, and the rarest film I ever saw was the VHS copy of Cold As Ice.

I still regret not purchasing it.

Childhood!Fail
* Now hold the hell up. I know that kids these days are cuddled and over-indulged and protected from everything, but really, this is starting to get scary.

When it snows, and there is a hill, a kid drags a sleigh up the hill, and sleds down it, and it is fun and exciting and teaches you to avoid crashing into cars or trees or other people. IT IS GOOD FOR YOU.

Well, some parents have decided that dragging those heavy sleighs up those HUGE hills is just too much for their delicate little flowers:

{Found at Like Cool]
Sleds on your ass. So you can run up the hill and slide down on your ass. Because sleds are LAME, it seems. THIS IS CRAP. NO. YOU DRAG THE SLEIGH UP AND IT BUILDS CHARACTER. I LOVED MY LITTLE RED SLEIGH WHEN I WAS GROWING UP.
And you know what? If I was a little kid, and saw another kid with their butt encased in plastic, I'd kick them. Repeatedly. Because that's what kids DO.
How much do you want to bet that this kids' name is Chair Universe Artichoke Dream or something?

Wow
* Longtime blog readers will recall the time I tried to sell some very ugly handmade scarves on Etsy. I felt bad for charging money for such things, although they never sold, so my guilt was short-lived.
This made me feel better about the whole venture:

[Found at Regretsy]
I like the bit where she designed it. Because I used to do that with unbent paper clips when I was bored.

Animals
* BABY MONKEY DAW:

[Found at Jacksonville News]
Bonobo babies are snuggly. I want to rub its little head.

Mondays HURT, man.
- LV

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