Always Be Yourself, Unless You Suck.

Blog
* The world would be so much better if more people followed this simple rule. Title is from Joss Whedon.

* THE BLOG IS BEING UPDATED. THE FOURTH HORSEMAN IS SHOWING UP (actually, if you watch Supernatural, he already showed up, with pizza!). I will be explaining the long absence, but a lot of it is Super Sekrit At The Moment, so just pretend I have been busy knitting and touring the world and living a fabulous life of decadence. Or something.

Want
* Warren Ellis wants us to declare war on the moon:

If Stephen Hawking endorses this course of action, I'm ready to engage in battle. Provided I get a big shiny weapon.

Crafts
* I will be the first to admit I am bad at math. Unless it is algebra, which I am scary good at, numbers confuse and frighten me, and I think you should just figure out the bill, OK?
But even I, with my questionable grasp of simple arithmetic, see a problem here:

[Found at Regretsy]
So... it's $10.00 in money, prettily folded. But you're charging $20.00 PLUS shipping and handling? It's like a riddle. WHERE DOES THE EXTRA $10.00 go? Is this just a test? To see if someone would pay money FOR MONEY OF A LESSER AMOUNT?
I'm not even dealing with the fact that it's shaped like a cross. There's only so much I can handle.

Politics
* So, remember that politician Dave Vitter? And how he got off on wearing diapers around prostitutes?

[Found at Wonkette]
Nothing's going on with him. I just like to remind people that America has a United States Senator who enjoys wearing diapers for sexytimes. That's all. Carry on.

Ad!Fail
* In the following ad, a cucumber is hiding in the shower while a nakedish lady panics because her boyfriend/husband is going to walk in and find her fornicating with the salad:

[Found at LikeCool]
A few notes, dear readers:
A) OUCH.
B) EW.
C) All I can think is, does the cucumber have a penis, or is the woman pleasuring herself with anthropomorphic vegetables? Because the paramedics should be on call.
D) I have no interest in purchasing any product that assumes I want to get naked around fruits or vegetables. And now I'm afraid of salads. Well done.

Scary
* OH GOD IT'S COMING TO GET ME IT WON'T STOP NOTHING WILL STOP IT:

I FOR ONE WELCOME OUR NEW TERRIFYING OVERLORDS THAT CANNOT BE TIPPED OVER.
The longer you watch this video, the more upsetting it gets.

Social Networking
* Still, doesn't one get points for honesty?

[Found at Very Demotivational]
Not a lot of points.... but points.... I'm trying to be more positive, and YOU ARE NOT HELPING, INTERNET.

Daily Hot Guy

[Steve Carell, from the not-very-good movie Dan in Real Life, but he's wearing a sweater and plays guitar, and I quite possibly cried when he sang 'Let My Love Open The Door,' because I am an utter sap deep down, and now that I've admitted that I need to go think about violence and explosions and zombies for a while.]

Daily Icon

[Patti Smith, who is cooler than all of us could ever hope to be, COMBINED, with Robert Mapplethorpe, ALSO cooler than anyone could ever dare to hope to be. Man, this is the New York City I wanted to live in. The rest of you can live in Sex & The City. I'll be over here with the amazing people.]

Apocalypse How?
* Some people are working on technology that allows you to steer your car with your eyes. Can you imagine trying to apply mascara with this going on? Or checking out a hot guy? You could meet the hot guy AS YOU CRUSH HIM BELOW THE WHEELS OF YOUR VEHICLE.

And while the article is quick to point out this doesn't seem to be consumer-aimed, THINK ABOUT IT. 'Oh look, a puppy. It's so cute-OH DEAR GOD I CAN'T LOOK AWAY FROM ITS ADORABLE-' CRUNCH. Then you go to hell. The end.

Tattoo Of Win
* I'm not going to lie: I have no idea what's going on here.

[Found at Ugliest Tattoos]
I think it's better that way. Please don't explain it to me. Ignorance is bliss.

Nostalgia!Win
Let's end this on a happy note, shall we?

The Muppets make everything better. That is fact. Anyone found arguing with this fact will be shunned hideously by everyone they know and love.

Tonight is the Supernatural season finale. I'm very nervous. I will be discussing this via blog later. Be prepared.
- LV

moreless

GIR! That Movie Is Some Kind Of Government Spying Tool! Quickly! Eat It!

Blog
* Spying tools are delicious. Title is from Invader Zim.

* Rorschachschick makes incredible videos, like this:

BADASS. BAD. ASS. AND TIM ROTH AND EDWARD NORTON. AND THE MUSIC IS SWEET. Sorry, I'm chugging coffee. But really, you need to watch her videos, because they are beautiful.

Daily Buy
* Totally sexy Mary Janes are the gifts that keep on giving:

[Found at Amazon]
And since I'm advertising them, for free, I get them for free, right? RIGHT? That's how the internet works, isn't it?
My wish list is fabulous, because of what I want, but sad, because nobody will BUY them for me.

Holiday!Fail
* Your Christmas tree is going to kill you and destroy everything you love.

[Found at World's Best Ever]
WE HAVE A SANTA LIKE THAT IN MY HOUSE. Or we did. I think the Christmas tree ate it.

Movie!Win
* I love Terry Gilliam. I really do. Can someone let him make his Don Quixote movie? He's tried for so long. They made a documentary about his failure. And Tideland really freaked me out. And even though it won't happen, his plans for Watchmen made me very nervous. And Robert Duvall as Don Quixote would be some deliriously delightful shit.

So can someone let Terry Gilliam make his movie? Please?

Childhood!Fail
* When I was little and went to EPCOT center, it was AMAZING. Some kid threw up on one ride, which as a small child is pretty much the height of comedy, and I got a stuffed Figment dragon from the ride 'Journey Into Imagination.'

Unfortunately, the ride is now gone, because Imagination is frowned upon, and everything is DOOMED. What's worse? I can't find my Figment dragon.
Here are ten rides that are gone from EPCOT.

Also, on the Wonders of Life ride, I distinctly remember hearing another little kid yelling, 'Ew! That's not what you said!' when the sperm appeared onscreen.


Wow
* Some people live in their own little worlds. Sometimes those worlds are scary:

I can not believe you do not remember me. My heart is broken, b****. Can you really say you don’t remember me?. After that marvelous date at that theatre? I still love you though Even though you’re a bit frazzle-minded.

Nothing good can come of this.


Daily Hot Guy

[Eric Northman from True Blood. When the HELL does that show come back on? I miss Hoyt saying 'Vampire Bill,' and the sex and drinking and mayhem that makes me want to go live in the South.]

Animals
* Do you know what a Tapir is?

A tapir (pronounced /ˈteɪpər/ "taper", or /təˈpɪər/ "ta-pier") is a large browsing mammal, roughly pig-like in shape, with a short, prehensile snout. Tapirs inhabit jungle and forest regions of South America, Central America, and Southeast Asia. There are four species of Tapirs, being the Brazilian tapir, the Malayan tapir, Baird's tapir and the mountain tapir. All four species of tapir are classified as endangered or vulnerable. Their closest relatives are the other odd-toed ungulates, including horses and rhinoceroses.

[Found at Wikipedia]
What it fails to mention is that they are the CUTEST THINGS EVAR:

[Found at Neatorama]
I need a baby tapir. It can be friends with my imaginary baby goat. DON'T JUDGE ME.

Apocalypse How?
* THE PLANES ARE GOING TO FALL OUT OF THE SKY. HIDE ME. I'MMA TAKE A FREAKING BOAT TO ENGLAND. NOTHING BAD HAPPENS ON BOATS. LET ME PRETEND THAT.

Crafts
* Guys, THIS EXISTS:

[Found at Neatorama]
There are people doing this, right now, as you read these words. Do you comprehend what that means? I don't think you do, at all.

Random
* I want Moss singing this song to be my ring tone. Can someone make this happen?

Tattoo Of Win
* I just.... I need someone to explain this to me. Please?

[Found at LOLTATZ]
Why is the lemur tripping on acid?

Food!Win
* These look like churros:

[Found at This Is Why You're Fat]
In fact these are Deviled Corndogs, which are corndog hotdogs pureed with cheese, mayonnaise and tater tots, then re-baked inside a corndog shell.
I had no idea such things could exist.

OK. Off.

- LV

moreless

That Was The Second Album I Ever Bought!

Blog
* I think the second album I ever bought was the soundtrack to Pocahontas. What? Title is from Shaun of the Dead.

* I love these socks that meta_louise made:

They are fuzzy and delightful.

* Michelle broke the rules. She spoke ill of a movie that featured Ron Perlman. We do not do these things. DENIAL IS AN ACCEPTABLE RESPONSE TO The Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale. BECAUSE IT HURTS MY SOUL. Clearly Ron Perlman was Photoshopped into the movie. Can we all pretend this? For me?

Daily Buy
* This is your holiday gift-guide of stuff I think is cool, and should be purchased for someone. Like me, maybe.

For some reason, I lose my temper when I am repeatedly asked to pass the salt/pepper at the table. Once or twice is fine. Hell four or five times is acceptable. But when we enter double digits, I start muttering psychotically about how everyone should have their own salt and pepper shakers, and why the hell do you need so much damn seasoning.
These would solve the problem:

[Found at Nerd Approved]
THEY WALK. YOU WIND THEM AND THEY WALK. This amuses me. I would have a small army of spice-filled robots marching across the table.

Art
* This is a pretty Coke can:

[Found at Like Cool]
It looks chrome. Everything is chrome in the future!


Comics
* I have been on a Joker kick as of late. I love him. He is a mean scary clown, which would naturally lead you to believe that he scares the shit out of me (and sometimes he does, because GOD DAMN), but he is also probably my favorite villain of all time (I am unoriginal) (incidentally, Iron Man is still my favorite hero, and I stand by that, and if these two ever face off TELL ME, so I can keel over in fangirl joy) (I do like Deadpool a lot, of course, but Iron Man is still my favorite, ever since I read Demon In A Bottle).
The Joker gets full points for the most creative, fucked-up kills in the comic 'verse (I wait now for someone to correct me).
This is one of my favorites:

Also this one, from The Dark Knight, because he FINISHES THE TRICK. 'It's... ah, it's gone!'

I also think those are the Joker equivalent of spirit fingers at the end.
Here's a list of the top ten Joker kills. HAHA, he made Batgirl dead! WIN.

Tattoo Of Win
* Patience sent me this, to make sure it wasn't me:

[Found at Ugliest Tattoos]
Don't be silly. I don't have a pierced navel!

Life Lessons

[Found at Indexed]

Moment Of Win

[Found at Friggin Random]

Daily Hot Guy

[Alan Tudyk, AKA Alpha Wash (it matters not that both these shows have been cancelled, they embody all that is Win in him, and he shall be referred to as such for ALWAYS), in a bathtub, with soap in his hair. Looking stoned. The whole movie this is from has no merit beyond him.]

Harry Potter
* Oh, I did not read this at ALL. It's a truly twisted Draco/Lucius naked-time story, and I read the bit before the jump, and now I can't even DEAL with Harry Potter for a while.

Fine, fine. In the sake of journalistic integrity, or whatever, I will read the whole thing, so I know what I'm linking to. One second.

OH FUCKING GOD. OH MY EYES. THEY CAN NEVER UNREAD THIS. OH SHIT. I NEED ALCOHOL. NOW. GALLONS OF RUBBING ALCOHOL FLOWING THROUGH THE STRIP. HOLY SHIT WHAT IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE?
YOU DO NOT DO THAT TO SOMEONE'S HEAD. EVER.

Tore through blood? I don't believe that's how liquids work.

This also may have some of the funniest FFF comments ever, which will comfort me as I check myself into a sanitarium, where they pipe in soothing music and keep me away from the internet, where BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO DRACO MALFOY. Jeez, doesn't the kid have enough issues? And after reading this story, ask yourself this question: At what point in the book series do you think the author hatched this idea? BECAUSE IT NEVER OCCURRED TO ME.

TwiHate
* Occasionally people get annoyed about this category. If I don't like Twilight, why do I discuss it? If I have such general fandom love (and I do, which is why I mock it mercilessly), why am I so hard on TwiFans?

The short answer is that I'm a bitch. The longer answer is that I find the books deeply offensive and stupid, the movies mind-bogglingly horrific, the media's angle that 'suddenly girls like comics and fantasy!' angle ridiculous, and the merchandise to be proof that we are living in the end of times.

But I do have friends who like Twilight, and they are smart and wonderful, and to be honest I have no real issue with the fans who just happen to like it. If you're not in any of the above categories, and can laugh at your fandom, I wish you well. It's just the ones who take it seriously - I mean, REALLY seriously, and get very very upset with any sort of fun-poking (look, if you're in a fandom, you need to laugh. Ditto for all you people who REALLY care about a sports team. Or politics. Or anything. If you can't laugh at the things that matter to you, on some level, you're going to be in for a rough ride) - that cause me to have this category.

Also the fact that I hate Stephenie Meyers' work for many reasons. But that's OK, isn't it? How many people hate my various loves? Or make fun of them? They had BLUE CONDOMS when Watchmen came out.

Anyway, moving away from my rant about why Twilight makes me want to scream, here's a poster that sums it up for me:

[Found at Geekologie]
Taylor Lautner is SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD. HE WAS SHARKBOY:

THIS WAS FOUR FREAKING YEARS AGO.
Just saying.

And for those of you NAYSAYERS that claim I know not of what I speak, I sat through New Moon yesterday. Really. And I have to say, it is quite possibly the best movie ever to MST3K the SHIT out of. If you have a friend with a similar sense of humor, go now. It was truly beyond words. And by 'beyond words,' I mean utterly terrible and probably illegal in other cultures.

Food!Fail
* Some things are not meant to be combined and then frozen:

[Found at This Is Why You're Fat]
This is the description:

Picnic Popsicles
Bacon cheeseburger chunks, ketchup, mustard and onion frozen in strawberry KoolAid.

Did you know you could freeze ketchup? It never occurred to me. But apparently you can. In other news, I need to go throw up.

Politics
* Every time Tom DeLay dances, a kitten explodes:

THINK OF THE KITTENS.

Apocalypse How?
* Once, when I was a wee lass on vacation with my parents, the plane missed the runway during landing. So we turned around and landed. I was a naive little slip of a thing, and thought this was good fun.

Now I am older, wiser, and prone to crying as I step on a plane, because they are GODLESS KILLING MACHINES.

If this had happened to me on that flight, I'm not sure I'd be able to even speak of planes without shaking and whimpering:

A passenger plane headed for an airport in eastern Congo overshot the runway (spider solitaire) and ended up crash-landing in lava.

LAVA. PLANES ARE LANDING IN LAVA. What's next, landing in a pit of flesh-eating clowns? WHY DID I JUST TYPE THAT?

Epic!Fail
* I eat meat, and I enjoy meat, even though my father is a hardcore vegan and my mother is a vegetarian, and I enjoy many vegan/vegetarian foods. But I also like meat, and find it delicious, and while I respect people's moral stance against consuming animal products, I do not subscribe to that philosophy.

However, I think we can all agree that this is super-fucked-up:
WARNING: This is actually a very upsetting video, so I'm going to tell you about it before you innocently click on it and are dumped into a nightmare world of animal torture.
This fish is alive. It was lightly fried (while alive), covered in sauce (while alive), then eaten slowly (while alive and moving).

I don't need to explain why this is Epic!Fail, do I?

Books
* When the International Society of Supervillains tells you to read something, you DAMN WELL READ IT.

Doctor Who
* Any list of Doctor Who villains that includes Magnus Greel is INARGUABLY brilliant. Totally unrelated, am I the only one who watches new Doctor Who/Torchwood episodes and thinks, 'Brigadier Leader Lethbridge-Stewart would NEVER have allowed UNIT to become such a mess!'? It also just struck me that he and Ianto Jones might have gotten along rather well. I have such thoughts.

I think that was a long enough post for a Sunday, don't you? Off to make presents for people, and possibly find a way to steal Lady Gaga's identity. WHAT? I want her shoes.
- LV

moreless

I'll Just Put It Here With The Rest Of The Fire.

Blog
* Moss is nothing if not neat. Title is from The IT Crowd.

* I know, I know. This was a week of FAIL!BLOGGING. I was sick. Like, justifiably sick. But I am mostly recovered, and so I will resume blogging. My apologies.

* Michelle gives the greatest review of Greaser's Palace ever written. Now I want to see this movie. Desperately.


TwiHate
* This is ridiculous:

[Found at Regretsy]
Except for the sparkles, dude could be a guest on Gumby. He doesn't look like Lord Sparkles at all. I make fun of Twilight fans, but none of them would ever buy this pin. I kind of want to take of of Twilight fans. Not in a mean way. I just feel like they need someone to protect them from shameless merchandising. 'Look, guys, if you're going to buy a pin of Edward's head, let's find you one that's a bit more authentic. No, Trudy, you can't use Robert Pattinson's ACTUAL head. That's rude.'

Food!Fail
* Do not read this article if you enjoy: Diet Soda, bread, salads, broccoli, green beans, frozen custard, chili, French onion soup, burgers, potato chips, apple pie, potato soup, or frozen foods.

This article is about strange objects found in food. Decomposing frog? Be right back, vomiting forever.

Politics
* There is a game about the end of the world via Obama. I want to play it, but you have to wait 8 hours to get into the next round, and I'm BUSY in 8 hours. Also I don't care that much. I want a game where you are Levi Johnston, and must impregnate as many politicians' daughters a possible. I'd like a game like that to exist.

* Unsafe abortions cost the developing world about $341 million a year. It would be cheaper and safer to provide women with contraceptives and safe abortions. Before you start yelling either way (No abortions for anyone! Abortions for everyone! Abortions for some, tiny American flags for others!), remember that this study was done by an institution, and they have numbers and facts and TRUTH to back up what they're saying. In other news, I can't even IMAGINE $341 million. It's an imaginary number, right?

Apocalypse How?
* The system is collapsing. Someone downloaded a movie illegally over the internet. So, the MPAA, in their eternal wisdom and rationality, SHUT DOWN THE ENTIRE TOWN'S FREE WI-FI SERVICE.

Here's an example: Someone at a Panera Bread downloads 2012, because they can't wait for it to come out on video. It is illegal, obviously. The MPAA then shuts down the ENTIRE TOWN'S FREE WI-FI. So no one at the library can check their Email, no one at Starbucks can do their office work, nobody can do anything, unless they have internet at home.

THE POINT IS, THIS IS RIDICULOUS. THIS IS NOT A LOGICAL SOLUTION. If I shoplift a CD from a CD store, you don't shut down the whole store, or SNATCH THE CDs FROM THE HANDS OF OTHER CUSTOMERS.

And then the MPAA shuts down all the internet, forever, and we all die, the end.

Epic!Fail
* I am not religious, but I have no problem with religion. I enjoy learning about it, and have nothing but respect for people who have a spiritual side to their lives. That being said, there IS such a thing as overreacting:

A Polk County teacher is suing the state for requiring her to be fingerprinted for a background check, saying it violates her religious freedom.

According to her attorney, Scott Skelton, of Lufkin, Pam McLaurin believes the book of Revelation literally and that getting a fingerprint would bear her the mark of the beast and she would be "be tormented in burning sulfur."

OK. If she believes that, that's fine. I have no say in the private beliefs systems of others. BUT, I'm not sure that freaking out and suing the state because you don't want to get fingerprinted is the right course of action. Because then you become the crazy religious nut who thinks fingerprinting will damn her to eternal torment, and wants money for her pain and suffering.'

The thing is, if you read the article all the way through, the lady doesn't seem psycho. At all. She is willing to undergo the background check, and doesn't force her views upon her students. She simply doesn't want to to be fingerprinted.

So where's the Epic!Fail here? It's sort of goes all around: The teacher shouldn't have sued, because that brings around the press, who make everything 'crazy people OMIGOD' when they get the chance. And the county should have respected her religious convictions. Personally, I have no problem being fingerprinted. But like I said, I'm not religious. So long as the teacher isn't running around her class demanding blood sacrifices of witches, don't make her get fingerprinted. It's not a big deal.

In short, everyone fails.

Daily Hot Guy

[Robert Downey, Jr. In a suit. Staring intently into your soul. I have no idea what we were talking about.]

Books
* You know what, Mr. Ellis? You're mean. This is to be expected, as you are a cruel and demanding God, and I GET THAT. But I love your writing. I bought Crooked Little Vein, and recommended it to pretty much everyone, and when I worked at Barnes & Noble I strategically placed the book in front of best-sellers, earning me many lectures on why that was Wrong. In short, I adore your work.

So your new book, Shivering Sands, is only available online. I shouldn't be complaining (although while we're on the topic of complaints, WHERE THE HELL is your next novel, which I have been LOOKING FORWARD TO READING? HUH?!), but I am an American, and I love me some instant gratification, and I want it NOW, so I can read it immediately.

FINE. I'll buy your amazing collection of essays over the internet, legally, so that the MPAA won't shut down New Jersey's wireless. THEY WOULD.

Doctor Who
* The cover of this CD makes me scream with demented fangirly glee:

[Found at Amazon]
THAT IS DOCTORS NINE AND TEN. YES IT IS. THEY ARE TOGETHER. LV IS A HAPPY GIRL-GEEK.

There's an article, but I can't really get past that picture. MAYBE THE TWO DOCTORS WILL GET TOGETHER AND MAKE IANTO ALL BETTER, YES? Also, Nine was always my favorite, and I apologize for NOTHING.

People I Love
* I never get tired of this video. It's Hugh Jackman and Daniel Craig (AKA, Wolverine and James Bond) acting on Broadway. Some fool's cell phone starts ringing. Wolverine and Bond lecture him, IN CHARACTER:

In other news, if you have both James Bond AND Wolverine pissed off at you, it may be time to join Witness Protection. Just a thought.

Stuff To Live
* I want to have a garden JUST SO I CAN BUY THESE PAVING STONES:

[Found at Boing Boing]
I demand these MC Escher paving stones in my life. But quickly, because there is copyright infringement galore, and pretty soon the ghost of Escher while rise from the dead and haunt the shit out of the people who make these, driving them insane, and leaving me without lizard paving stones.

Fandom
* As I always say, I am not a gamer. I LIKE games, but I am not a gamer. I wish I was, but I tend to get distracted and spend hours trying to, I don't know, turn the lights on in Silent Hill, or kill everyone in the entire market in Assassin's Creed, or drunk drive off the Brooklyn Bridge in Grand Theft Auto III. I don't care too much about BEATING the game.

But I have friends who are professional gamers, and therefore I hope they will confirm or deny the validity of this list of the best gaming junk foods.

I may not be a gamer, but I can still eat these things, right? Right?

Now I want nachos.

Glee
* I cannot stop listening to this song.

TEAM PUCK.
- LV

moreless

Oh No. I Broke History.

Blog

* It's OK, Hiro. It was pretty much wrecked to begin with. Title is from Heroes. Before it became a joke.

* I want more pumpkins:

[Drawn by Erin]

This skill could also get you into the circus, maybe. Except for the clowns, I would love that.

TwiHate
* This is a picture. Of Edward Cullen. From Twilight. It costs $500.00:

[Found at Regretsy]

He looks like the love-child of Lestat and Snape with a really bad haircut.

Food!Fail
* My first thought upon seeing this picture was that the aliens look an awful lot like the blob. Then I found out that humans were expected to eat this:

[Found at This Is Why You're Fat]

It's a Twinkie casserole. I support Twinkies in all forms. ALL FORMS. They are delicious. But THESE Twinkies have been tortured and dumped into strawberry jello. That should be illegal. This is what I imagine certain ORGANS look like.

But it's called the Cosby Casserole. That's funny.

Politics
* Nancy Pelosi rockin' the crib with health care, ya'll.

* More information on naked Levi Johnston, sperminator of the eldest daughter of Palin. Naked naked naked! This is eternally amusing. And we might be getting all of Levi's Johnston. THAT was in poor taste. I apologize for finding this as funny as I do.

* For what it's worth, I do not think that you should get maternity leave if you aren't a mother. Yeah, I'm weird like that. But I WOULD like the day off, as I am coughing quite violently. Also a cookie.

Apocalypse How?
* You know what, Mr. Scientist Man? I DON'T want robots to take over the world. I am NOT OK with that. I'm not prepared for a robot apocalypse. Only zombies. The world would not be a better place if robots ran it. Robot zombies? OH WHY DID I EVEN THINK THAT?

Epic!Fail
* I have a bad cough today OH GOD IT MUST BE SWINE FLU SAVE ME. Oh, wait:

[Found at Neatorama]

Never mind, then.

Daily Hot Guy

[Tom Felton, from the Harry Potter series. Remember when he was a fat-headed little child? No, I don't like to remember that either. He's all angular now. I like angles. He was also really quite good in the Half-Blood Prince.]

Books
* I've never read Jonathan Safran Foer. Not as any ethical thing, I just had roommate who loved him, and all my teachers thought he was the be-all of modern writers, and I never got around to him. I might, one day.

So I have no issue with his writing. HOWEVER, if he's writing about not eating meat, I have many issues, because I GET IT. So enjoy this list of eleven things you could do instead of reading JSF's new book about not eating meat. I know I did.

Doctor Who

* I would like a copy of David Tennant's Hamlet, please. So I can compare it to Jude Law's Hamlet. And Mr. Tennant should act out the whole thing. For research, clearly.

[Found at David Tennant]

People I Love

* I know the episode already aired, but it's Tuesday and I don't feel good STILL, and isn't this getting to be a bit MUCH, and anyway, Nathan Fillion as Richard Castle from Castle DRESSED UP AS Captain Mal Reynolds from Firefly?

[Found at Topless Robot]

I think my geek organ (we all have one) exploded with joy. Also that's a sexy gun holster.

I have been sick way too much lately. Nathan Fillion and Bruce Campbell need to join forces and cure me. FOR JUSTICE.

- LV

moreless

Good News, Everyone! There's A Report On TV With Some Very Bad News!

Blog
* It's nice that he can see the positive side, right? Even though we're all doomed? Title is from Futurama.

Apocalypse How?
* The internet. Our flicker god of porn and wisdom. Apparently, internet addiction is like drug addiction, which means people who SHOOT YOU for a fix, so one day when SkyNet destroys the internet and none of us can play FarmVille, the world will erupt into a howling vortex of violence and crazed people making the Dial-Up noise as they slaughter people. TRUTH.

Books
* 2010 can't come fast enough:

[Found at ISS]
I want to send a copy to Dr. Horrible. Maybe he'll spare me then.

Nostalgia!Win
* I loved Rainbow Brite as a child. Loved her, wanted her horsey with the pretty hair, and her power to make rainbows, which when your six seems pretty useful in daily life. But they've redone it, for reasons beyond me, but to be honest I'm sort of OK with it:

[Found at Topless Robot]
She's not MY Rainbow Brite, obviously, but you know what? She doesn't look like a transvestite hooker, and she's fully clothed, and that's ALL I can expect from the media anymore.
On the other hand...


Torchwood
* Have you been watching Girl Number 9? Gareth David-Lloyd is in it. And it's sort of fantastic, and we're up to webisode four.

Daily Hot Guy

[Gareth David-Lloyd, AKA Ianto Jones from Torchwood, AKA THE HOTTEST OF THE WELSHMEN and I still can't talk about Children of the Earth, guys, but it's OK, because he'll be Watson in an undoubtedly SUCKISH Sherlock Holmes adaptation, and I am fine with that.]

People I Love
* Don't read this article. Really. It is BLASPHEMY, because EVERY PIECE OF WORK BY BRUCE CAMPBELL IS ESSENTIAL. All of them. EVEN his 3 seconds in Fargo. So don't read this article. DON'T CLICK THE LINK. IT OFFENDS THE CHIN.

Stuff To Live
* PAC-MAN LIGHTS:

[Found at Like Cool]
OM NOM NOM. DO WANT.

Fandom
* This is for all my friends who play World of Warcraft (you know who you are). It's the Tankard O'Terror, and you can buy it and drink from it, and then slaughter your enemies.

[Found at Geekologie]
I would buy this for my friends, if I had money, because it's that cool. It's four pounds of WIN. RAISE THE TANKARD TO THE SKY.

Sorry for the shortish entry. Running late, and have decided I have Hamthrax. Whether I do or not is irrelevant.
- LV

moreless

I Was Nearly There. That's Close Enough For Me.

Blog
* Arnold Rimmer, selfish smeghead, I love you. Title is from Red Dwarf.

Halloween
* This is only quasi-Halloween-related, but it's a recipe for pumpkin bread. I love pumpkin bread. AND AND this recipe has no raisins in it, which is good, because raisins are the most evil of all the fruit.

* Your Halloween decorations should NOT contain real human bits:

[Found at Regretsy]
Just saying. And you shouldn't get defensive when people find your use of human bits as decoration a little freakish. Hey, I do.

* Like every child of a certain age, I loved R.L. Stine's Goosebumps books. They were fun and creepy and terrible, terrible books that I would never admit to reading in public. But if I was home sick, I had a STACK of them beside me. Here are some of the best, before they inexplicably made a funny version, and a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure version, which I DO NOT APPROVE OF.

* Those of you that read my personal blog (and why aren't the rest of you? It has PICTURES and MUSIC) know that yesterday I decided to be a steampunk zombie hunter for Halloween. Steampunk aspect will be cobbled together, and depends very much on finding a corset. The zombie hunter regalia is inspired by this godlike creature:

[Found at Digitally Blonde]
I BOUGHT THAT HAT, PEOPLE. The details of the costume, and it's construction, are at my blog, and I'm not repeating it all here. But for those of you NAYSAYERS who doubt that steampunk and Tallahassee can mix, I LAUGH in your face and go off to find Twinkies.

I still can't seem to find a knife sheath. That worries me.

Apocalypse How?
* Oh, look, it's a robot that dances and does chores for you, with a smile:

[Found at DVICE]
Nope, NOTHING bad will come of this. The robot won' serve you your HEAD on a PLATTER. Nope, no worries HERE. What? The shotgun? It's a... a precaution. Against bugs.

Epic!Fail
* Good News: People still do buy books. Bad News? These are the books we're reading:

[Found at Wonkette]
I don't have to LIKE the books you're reading, but could they at least not conclusively LOWER your IQ every time you see the cover. DAN BROWN CAN'T WRITE. Now if you need me, I'll be snuggling my own unpublished manuscript and banging my head against a wall. COULD EVERYONE JUST GO BUY A WILL CHRISTOPHER BAER BOOK? FOR ME?

Books
* As if Wednesdays aren't depressing enough (and really, is it STILL pouring out? Can't it just settle for moody and overcast?), here's an interactive map of banned books. Like, recently banned books. Books banned THIS YEAR. We, in America, still ban books for being offensive. And RIP OUT THE PAGES. This shouldn't surprise me, but it DOES, and now I'm sad. Even Dan Brown doesn't deserve that. Even STEPHENIE MEYERS doesn't deserve that shit. I get pissy when people use books as doorstops. I catch you HURTING a book, shit is going DOWN.

Oh, god, I just read this PDF of books banned this year. There's one for last year too. WHAT THE FUCK? YOU DO NOT BAN THE GIVER. EVER. FUCK THAT. I AM ANGRY NOW.

Daily Hot Guy
* So I'm pretty sure Eli Roth is a total jackass. And the Hostel movies are excrement. I am AWARE of these facts:

[Eli Roth, director of Cabin Fever, the Jew Bear in Inglourious Basterds, and a friend of Quentin Tarantino. That's why I like him. And his trailer in Grindhouse CRACKED ME UP. And he's hot, in a smug asshole sort of way, RIGHT?]

Childhood!Fail
* They're making a Barbie movie. I didn't even like Barbie when I was supposed to (she did get eaten by my toy dinosaurs regularly, or trampled by my herd of model horses.... why are you all looking at me like that?

The only bright spot in what will surely be an offensive, idiotic journey down memory lane is that in recent commercials they've used the 'Barbie Girl' song by Aqua, which makes fun of Barbie, so maybe the whole film will be a parade of misunderstood pop culture references. I'd enjoy that.

Late for work.
- LV

moreless

I Can't Be Bothered To Hit You. Here Is My Fist. Kindly Run Towards It.

Blog
* I totally lust after Edmund Blackadder in the later series, and I apologize for NOTHING. Title is from Blackadder.

* Even when cross and smacked down by the torture that is MATH, Megan brings us the glory of Tim Roth, and cake, and a fabulous list of horror movies that I AGREE with, which is rare. Let's invite Tim Roth over to watch horror movies and eat cake. HOW INTENSE WOULD THAT BE?

* This may be the cutest allergy ever:

[Drawn by Erin]
Look at her knees! They are ridiculously adorable! Yeah, the caffeine isn't working yet if I'm gushing over cartoon knees. Even if it is frigging adorable.

* I love Patience, because A) she quoted Tombstone, and my FAVORITE LINE in Tombstone, and that is sweet, and B) she is awesome, generally, and C) she made this:

SHE KNITTED POO. POOOOOOO.

* Have you checked out MY blog? Yesterday a printer CHEWED MY SOUL.

FREAKANGELS FRIDAY
* Huzzah, book four begins, and yesterday my FREAKANGEL-ESQUE boots arrived last night, AND I WILL WEAR THEM AND PRETEND TO HAVE SUPER-POWERS, AND KARL WILL BE JUST FINE. OK?! I'll read it after I blog, and FREAKANGELS will be the one bright spot on my otherwise work-filled FRIDAY OF FAIL. Spoilers under my signature.

Food!Fail
* I'm reorganizing categories in my blog, and if you have a PROBLEM with that, you have to eat these:

[Found at Friggin Random]
I don't, because it's my blog, and I'm allergic to skinless wieners. Stop laughing.

Halloween
* Like most people of a certain age/disposition, I love Halloween. And that is why I want these pancake molds of scary adorable:

[Found at Incredible Things]
Are these the cutest pancakes ever? I think so. I THINK THEY ARE DELICIOUS. I will eat these ghosts, and they can haunt the shit out of me, if they want, because I will be so happy.

Politics
* I kind of love Robert Gibbs, because I feel like he would be a great friend to have in a tight spot. He would casually rip your enemies a new asshole, but in such a way that the other person would have no idea how to retaliate. Look at the way he diminishes Dick Cheney's very existence:

Then again, it IS Dick Cheney, and he is the Evil Ogre beneath the bridge that eats our adorable goats. That sentence went away from me, but my point remains VALID. Robert Gibbs is my defense lawyer, I just decided.

* Guys, I am tired. I have a lot of unpleasant work today, I will be rubbing caffeine in my eyeballs in a few hours, and it's FRIDAY. A DAY OF JOY. So I don't know about this:

[Found at Regretsy]
I don't know. Why is there Obama coffee? Why? I don't know. I am very tired.

Daily Hot Guy

[Hugh Laurie, the Original Hot Male British Actor. He and Tim Roth's characters need to join forces for the BIGGEST CASE EVER. Really, Hugh Laurie was in Blackadder, and Tim Roth was in Pulp Fiction, and I think they're the only two British actors who have yet to appear in the Harry Potter franchise. He's got amazing eyes and gorgeous hands. Plus, his book is really quite good.]

Zombies
* Zombies are going to show up and kick the SHIT out of the vampire craze, and it's amazing, because zombies beat vampires, as we all know, because is there a VAMPIRE apocalypse? NO. NEVER. Just a zombie apocalypse. TRUFAX.

Apocalypse How?
* Hah, we have a Dollhouse for flies now, and can manufacture feelings of fear and pain, and did anyone see that movie The Signal? I did not like it very much, but WHAT IF IT TURNS OUT TO BE TRUE? Going crazy is not the same as being a zombie. Sorry, wrong category. Um, Alpha as a fly would be terribly interesting. Yeah, we're doomed.

Epic!Fail
* As a struggling writer, I appreciate the idea of copyright laws, and people not stealing my shit. But Access Copyright, a Canadian copyright organization (if you couldn't tell) is banning, among other things, home TV recordings, and moving eBooks from reader to reader.

Let me be clear: You BUY an eBook, with your money. It's yours. Your eBook reader gets old, and you get a new one. By this law, you CANNOT TRANSFER your book. That you bought. With your money.

I need to call bullshit. As my college professor often said, 'Information Wants To Be Free.' Stealing and sharing are different. Could someone explain this to Canada?

Books
* You all know I love the website Topless Robot, even though it shows me the most nightmarish fanfiction I have EVER seen, and I will never be OK, because, guys DARKWING DUCK EROTIC FANFICTION, WHUT?!

But on this subject, I am in complete agreement with TR: The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy can only be written by Douglas Adams, and no books written by other authors will be acknowledged as part of that series:

Topless Robot is of the opinion that this book is a cash grab by the late Douglas Adams' wife, that Douglas Adams was so individual a writer that no one could or should try to replicate him, and that And Another Thing should be avoided at all costs. If there was a way to not buy the book any harder, I would do that. Maybe I can demand a refund for it from a bookstore just by virtue of its existence.

I may try this, later today, because you know WHAT? You don't fucking pull stuff like this, especially with a man who wrote for freaking Doctor Who. Are you TRYING to anger Bruce Campbell?

Childhood!Fail
* You know what? This is why I only want to have boy children:

[Found at World Of Wonder]
It's a cleaning trolley. For children. Girl children, I'm assuming, because it's pink. I can't even deal with this. I'm so tired. I don't even have the energy to get angry about this. If you can't see the problem with this... I don't know. I need a nap.

Nostalgia!Win
* I had the Crayola Crayon 'Indian Red.' I had that huge set, and I loved that set, and I want it BACK. I never thought it was offensive, but what did I know? I was little. I colored Bugs Bunny green. I was crazy. Anyway, they used to have cooler names for crayons. Prussian Blue? That's a sweet name for a crayon.

Doctor Who
* Masterpiece Theater should NOT be sexy:


Oh SHIT he's Scottish. I know this, but.... DON'T LEAVE, DOCTOR. PLEASE. STICK AROUND AND BE SCOTTISH, OK?!

What are we talking about? I'm sorry, he's still talking, and nothing you say matters right now.

People I Love
* David Cross and Bob Odenkirk take on Balloon Boy, thus marking the ONLY report I actually READ on the whole disaster.

OK, going to read FREAKANGELS, then do work.
- LV

WARNING: SPOILERS FOR THIS WEEKS' FREAKANGELS BELOW. CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED.
KARL HAD A MOHAWK BACK IN THE DAY. Also I love the flashback. And FINALLY, I get to see Mark. I understand his charisma. Guy is smart. But where's Arkady? Is she off using? Or did I just not notice her? It's possible.

This comic makes me want to go shopping. DAMMIT, MR. ELLIS. I CANNOT AFFORD TO BUY COOL CLOTHES.

Karl is hot. Shut up, all of you.

moreless