"You killed us! I told you not to do it and you did it… anyways."
"No, I didn't!"
"Yes, you did."
"You so frickin' did!"
"There's no text messaging. This a suck phone."
"I'm calling Japan."
"WHO THE HELL DO YOU KNOW IN JAPAN?! NOBODY!"
"Hello, Japan?"
"NO!"
"Yes, connect me to Godzilla, please."
"Whoa! What happened to your butt? It's like a little shelter down here!"
"What's up with the razor?"
"Oh, well, I shave once every couple days. It's nerve-wracking. It's supposed to be."
"Well, it's not."
"YOU SHAVE UP THERE?!"
"Shh! You hear that? That's the sound of him not being here. You can thank me for that later."
"Are you depressed? Has our interest rates got you down? My name is Meatwad, and today I'm here to offer you a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Sell your organs! LIVE! Over the internet! Get money back on your baby! That didn't sound right. Where's my sheet?"
"Oh what? You're leavin'? What are you doin' you haven't even finished urinating on all of my house yet."
"This one time I rent me a pressure washer, start this business called 'Meatwad Pressure Washing.' But then I's told, 'You got to have a license for that.' I said, 'License? Hell! I ain't even s'posed to be in this country!' And then he got all mad."
"Put back my eyes so that I might furrow my brow, und express the anger I am feeling!"
"Oh, oh wait, uh hang on. Did you see like, a little naked dude, out in the street anywhere?"
"Uh, yeah. I think he's dead."
"Oh, are you serious? Well, when he wakes up, make him drink."
"He's not a monster! Monsters are supposed to be scary with claws und angry feet!"
"We don't need a toilet. The pile of clothes in the hallway has worked fine for us for years, and it will continue to work."
"I don't know whose clothes that is, but, someone ain't wearin' that again, I tell you that."
"If I woke up looking like that, I would run towards the nearest living thing and kill it."
"Is the defendant a minor?"
"Daddy! Daddy, you're home from your business trip! And you're sober!"
"Shake..."
"Mommy moved to the city with Mommy's friend Jerry! And he tried to hit me, Daddy! Not like you do, in an extra-mean way..."
"All right, have a crappy weekend. Hope your house burns down."
"Typical! Filthy humans! You have no respect for us trees!"
"He ripped my arms off!"
"Shut up! I didn't rip them!"
"Are you that guy that keeps telling me to beware? Because I'll tell you where to be..."
"Dude, your buddy here is givin' me a rash."
"He usually doesn't drink this much"
"I out-party you!"
"Shake, will you sit down?"
"P.D., I know how to throw… down. Dude! And I almost said 'throw up', but I didn't. I hold my booze! My booze!"
"Yeah, this is beer number two for him, right?"
"Oh, yeah, I forgot. I live next to a third world hell hole."
"What else is open besides, your mouth, when you're like kissing on some gay dude and like holding his, like, muscles cause his arms are just like, wrapped around you and you feel like so safe, cause you're like, not that you're gay or nothing, but god you just want to bury yourself in his chest and just live there forever"
"Excuse m-Excuse me?! Those are weapons! They are all laser-guided, and I get CRAZY if you touch them!"
"Are you here about the termites?"
"Oh yeah, partly. I'm certainly not gonna sign for any more packages with the word 'Congo' written in blood."
"When I say your dumb name, please stand up briefly, but then quickly drop to your knees and forsake all others before me."
"Hand Banana, I want you to meet… the Enforcer."
"I want my name to be 'Spaghetti.'
"And, technically, he's supposed to be spayed, and uh, he ain't that. I know that first hand. Go ahead, ask me how I know. Go ahead. Ask me. Ask me how I know."
"Carl is gonna join us, right?"
"Yeah-huh, but he said he'd rather take his food out on the lawn, where there are witnesses."
"I added food coloring 'cause it's a holiday, but it turned black 'cause I added all the food coloring I had. And I ate this butter straight out of the tub, 'cause it tastes good. There's a reason behind everything."
"This is your left, that's your left. This is your left, that's your left! This is your right, that's your right. This is your right, you're gonna die!"
"What the?! This closet was full of TVs the last time I checked and now there's none!"
"'Cause you keep breaking them."
"'Cause you keep pissing me off so bad! You should be lucky I'm thoughtful enough to throw the anger at the media… and not your buttocks!"
"Shake, every time you break a TV, where do you think it comes from?"
"Jesus."
"No, it's Santa Claus."
"It's the same thing."
"Ain't no Santa Claus, I know. I'm Jewish… from this day forward."
"When I call your name, please say 'here' and we'll assume the word 'here' to be short for 'here I am, rock you like a hurricane.'"
"You do as The Scorpions before you!"
"Well I'll tell you what, as long as I get these muffins, I don't give a crap what he does. He's a winner in my book. In fact, I'm gonna make a couple of dogs tonight. Start a restaurant with 'em, call it 'Dogs.' I'm gonna work on that name, too, because that does not seem good to me."
"I'm sorry Carl, but I think that you need to leave. You upsettin' Hand Banana."
"Heh heh, yeah, well, you know, he 'upset' me pretty bad too. I don't know if I can sleep anymore. You ever been raped by a dog?"
"Uh uh."
"See, I think that's what Hell is like, you know. Constantly raped by dogs."
"Carl—"
"That, you know, I don't know if I believe in God, but… I think he must hate me."
"Carl—"
"Because he allowed you to create a dog that constantly rapes me."
"No, I didn't!"
"Yes, you did."
"You so frickin' did!"
"There's no text messaging. This a suck phone."
"I'm calling Japan."
"WHO THE HELL DO YOU KNOW IN JAPAN?! NOBODY!"
"Hello, Japan?"
"NO!"
"Yes, connect me to Godzilla, please."
"Whoa! What happened to your butt? It's like a little shelter down here!"
"What's up with the razor?"
"Oh, well, I shave once every couple days. It's nerve-wracking. It's supposed to be."
"Well, it's not."
"YOU SHAVE UP THERE?!"
"Shh! You hear that? That's the sound of him not being here. You can thank me for that later."
"Are you depressed? Has our interest rates got you down? My name is Meatwad, and today I'm here to offer you a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Sell your organs! LIVE! Over the internet! Get money back on your baby! That didn't sound right. Where's my sheet?"
"Oh what? You're leavin'? What are you doin' you haven't even finished urinating on all of my house yet."
"This one time I rent me a pressure washer, start this business called 'Meatwad Pressure Washing.' But then I's told, 'You got to have a license for that.' I said, 'License? Hell! I ain't even s'posed to be in this country!' And then he got all mad."
"Put back my eyes so that I might furrow my brow, und express the anger I am feeling!"
"Oh, oh wait, uh hang on. Did you see like, a little naked dude, out in the street anywhere?"
"Uh, yeah. I think he's dead."
"Oh, are you serious? Well, when he wakes up, make him drink."
"He's not a monster! Monsters are supposed to be scary with claws und angry feet!"
"We don't need a toilet. The pile of clothes in the hallway has worked fine for us for years, and it will continue to work."
"I don't know whose clothes that is, but, someone ain't wearin' that again, I tell you that."
"If I woke up looking like that, I would run towards the nearest living thing and kill it."
"Is the defendant a minor?"
"Daddy! Daddy, you're home from your business trip! And you're sober!"
"Shake..."
"Mommy moved to the city with Mommy's friend Jerry! And he tried to hit me, Daddy! Not like you do, in an extra-mean way..."
"All right, have a crappy weekend. Hope your house burns down."
"Typical! Filthy humans! You have no respect for us trees!"
"He ripped my arms off!"
"Shut up! I didn't rip them!"
"Are you that guy that keeps telling me to beware? Because I'll tell you where to be..."
"Dude, your buddy here is givin' me a rash."
"He usually doesn't drink this much"
"I out-party you!"
"Shake, will you sit down?"
"P.D., I know how to throw… down. Dude! And I almost said 'throw up', but I didn't. I hold my booze! My booze!"
"Yeah, this is beer number two for him, right?"
"Oh, yeah, I forgot. I live next to a third world hell hole."
"What else is open besides, your mouth, when you're like kissing on some gay dude and like holding his, like, muscles cause his arms are just like, wrapped around you and you feel like so safe, cause you're like, not that you're gay or nothing, but god you just want to bury yourself in his chest and just live there forever"
"Excuse m-Excuse me?! Those are weapons! They are all laser-guided, and I get CRAZY if you touch them!"
"Are you here about the termites?"
"Oh yeah, partly. I'm certainly not gonna sign for any more packages with the word 'Congo' written in blood."
"When I say your dumb name, please stand up briefly, but then quickly drop to your knees and forsake all others before me."
"Hand Banana, I want you to meet… the Enforcer."
"I want my name to be 'Spaghetti.'
"And, technically, he's supposed to be spayed, and uh, he ain't that. I know that first hand. Go ahead, ask me how I know. Go ahead. Ask me. Ask me how I know."
"Carl is gonna join us, right?"
"Yeah-huh, but he said he'd rather take his food out on the lawn, where there are witnesses."
"I added food coloring 'cause it's a holiday, but it turned black 'cause I added all the food coloring I had. And I ate this butter straight out of the tub, 'cause it tastes good. There's a reason behind everything."
"This is your left, that's your left. This is your left, that's your left! This is your right, that's your right. This is your right, you're gonna die!"
"What the?! This closet was full of TVs the last time I checked and now there's none!"
"'Cause you keep breaking them."
"'Cause you keep pissing me off so bad! You should be lucky I'm thoughtful enough to throw the anger at the media… and not your buttocks!"
"Shake, every time you break a TV, where do you think it comes from?"
"Jesus."
"No, it's Santa Claus."
"It's the same thing."
"Ain't no Santa Claus, I know. I'm Jewish… from this day forward."
"When I call your name, please say 'here' and we'll assume the word 'here' to be short for 'here I am, rock you like a hurricane.'"
"You do as The Scorpions before you!"
"Well I'll tell you what, as long as I get these muffins, I don't give a crap what he does. He's a winner in my book. In fact, I'm gonna make a couple of dogs tonight. Start a restaurant with 'em, call it 'Dogs.' I'm gonna work on that name, too, because that does not seem good to me."
"I'm sorry Carl, but I think that you need to leave. You upsettin' Hand Banana."
"Heh heh, yeah, well, you know, he 'upset' me pretty bad too. I don't know if I can sleep anymore. You ever been raped by a dog?"
"Uh uh."
"See, I think that's what Hell is like, you know. Constantly raped by dogs."
"Carl—"
"That, you know, I don't know if I believe in God, but… I think he must hate me."
"Carl—"
"Because he allowed you to create a dog that constantly rapes me."
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