My house is freezing. I've convinced myself I can see my breath, even though I know I can't.
I love how thorough my dreams are. Especially my zombie dreams. They are ridiculous in their level of detail. And logic. While most of my dreams are about, like, giant ants singing show tunes while I dance in spaghetti soup, my zombie apocalypse dreams are ALWAYS realistic. It's kind of sinister.
Last night's zombie apocalypse dream was entertaining, so I'm going to tell you about it. Me, and several people were stuck in a house. I barricaded all the doors (because, of course, nobody else was prepared for the zombie apocalypse, and how they MOCKED ME), packed an escape bag, and collected weapons. It didn't go as well as it could have. There were too many goddamn zombies, and STUPID people in my group, who opened the goddamn door and let them in, and we lost several people. But I got out, and this awkward cute guy who kept talking about the TV show Gargoyles (stress does weird things to people, and what could be more stressful than the zombie apocalypse?), but we lost my grandparents, and possibly my dead uncle.
Then the dream went into some weird thing about cooking the heads of goats, and which way their teeth show be facing, and... let's not analyze that, OK?
I'm sure you've all seen this video, but it is both hilarious and disturbing, and perfectly encompasses how oblivious Sarah Palin truly is to what's going on RIGHT BEHIND HER. Seriously, ALL SHE HAS TO DO IS TURN AROUND. And when she does, she doesn't realize that things are dying horribly behind her. I do love the creepy, beatific smile on the guy's face. And the headlines underneath are glorious. Whoever wrote those deserves a raise.
I am not even dealing with what Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz named their firstborn child. In fact, I'm not even typing it. Or linking to it. Go look. It hurts my head. I give up. My own baby names are BORING by comparison (one's Hunter, and one's Kurt, and yes they're both after authors, and yes it's a long list, what of it? I like lists).
It's almost December, so I may be working on imaginary Christmas wish lists on Amazon and Sephora and expensive online clothing boutiques, even though A) I already got my Christmas present for the year, and B) Nobody in my family EVER looks at my wish lists, and I either get socks or items completely inappropriate for my age.
More Zombie stuff (I'm in a zombie mood. Leave me alone. I might even reread Max Brook's essential work, just in case):
* What you'll need to survive a zombie attack, at least in the beginning. I would say some of this stuff isn't necessary, if you know the area, but better safe than sorry.
* Actually, this whole site is glorious and brilliant, and might save your life one day.
You know what? One of the next posts will be Zombie Mayhem. Because it's my duty to educate you all. Of all the crises that can affect the world, the ONLY one I am prepared for is the zombie apocalypse. Sure, laugh now. You'll thank me later. (Incidentally, for some reason I think Victoria Beckham might survive the zombie apocalypse as well. Don't ask me why, except that she has short hair and seems to be kind of badass. Or maybe I just don't want to live in a world where David Beckham is zombie food. It's really a toss-up.)
Get your supplies together... cold weather means they decompose more slowly, and you'll need more supplies to survive.
I'm just saying.
- LV
PS Amazon NEEDS to stop recommending me the following authors/bands/actors, because I DO NOT LIKE THEM:
* Nora Roberts
* Will Smith
* Ryan Adams (except when he's with Courtney Love, because their insanity joins together in glorious harmony)
Also, sometimes when I click on one thing on Amazon, it adds another to my Wishlist, which makes me angry and confused. Me and Amazon have many, many issues.
I love how thorough my dreams are. Especially my zombie dreams. They are ridiculous in their level of detail. And logic. While most of my dreams are about, like, giant ants singing show tunes while I dance in spaghetti soup, my zombie apocalypse dreams are ALWAYS realistic. It's kind of sinister.
Last night's zombie apocalypse dream was entertaining, so I'm going to tell you about it. Me, and several people were stuck in a house. I barricaded all the doors (because, of course, nobody else was prepared for the zombie apocalypse, and how they MOCKED ME), packed an escape bag, and collected weapons. It didn't go as well as it could have. There were too many goddamn zombies, and STUPID people in my group, who opened the goddamn door and let them in, and we lost several people. But I got out, and this awkward cute guy who kept talking about the TV show Gargoyles (stress does weird things to people, and what could be more stressful than the zombie apocalypse?), but we lost my grandparents, and possibly my dead uncle.
Then the dream went into some weird thing about cooking the heads of goats, and which way their teeth show be facing, and... let's not analyze that, OK?
I'm sure you've all seen this video, but it is both hilarious and disturbing, and perfectly encompasses how oblivious Sarah Palin truly is to what's going on RIGHT BEHIND HER. Seriously, ALL SHE HAS TO DO IS TURN AROUND. And when she does, she doesn't realize that things are dying horribly behind her. I do love the creepy, beatific smile on the guy's face. And the headlines underneath are glorious. Whoever wrote those deserves a raise.
I am not even dealing with what Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz named their firstborn child. In fact, I'm not even typing it. Or linking to it. Go look. It hurts my head. I give up. My own baby names are BORING by comparison (one's Hunter, and one's Kurt, and yes they're both after authors, and yes it's a long list, what of it? I like lists).
It's almost December, so I may be working on imaginary Christmas wish lists on Amazon and Sephora and expensive online clothing boutiques, even though A) I already got my Christmas present for the year, and B) Nobody in my family EVER looks at my wish lists, and I either get socks or items completely inappropriate for my age.
More Zombie stuff (I'm in a zombie mood. Leave me alone. I might even reread Max Brook's essential work, just in case):
* What you'll need to survive a zombie attack, at least in the beginning. I would say some of this stuff isn't necessary, if you know the area, but better safe than sorry.
* Actually, this whole site is glorious and brilliant, and might save your life one day.
You know what? One of the next posts will be Zombie Mayhem. Because it's my duty to educate you all. Of all the crises that can affect the world, the ONLY one I am prepared for is the zombie apocalypse. Sure, laugh now. You'll thank me later. (Incidentally, for some reason I think Victoria Beckham might survive the zombie apocalypse as well. Don't ask me why, except that she has short hair and seems to be kind of badass. Or maybe I just don't want to live in a world where David Beckham is zombie food. It's really a toss-up.)
Get your supplies together... cold weather means they decompose more slowly, and you'll need more supplies to survive.
I'm just saying.
- LV
PS Amazon NEEDS to stop recommending me the following authors/bands/actors, because I DO NOT LIKE THEM:
* Nora Roberts
* Will Smith
* Ryan Adams (except when he's with Courtney Love, because their insanity joins together in glorious harmony)
Also, sometimes when I click on one thing on Amazon, it adds another to my Wishlist, which makes me angry and confused. Me and Amazon have many, many issues.
0 comments:
Post a Comment