Craisins and coffee are a delicious conclusion to any hearty breakfast.Oh, there's a survey you guys should take, because it's important deals with the format of this blog, so it affects YOU. It's up on the side, near the Watchmen widget I refuse to delete, even though the movie is out and it's over. I've tried a new formatting technique, where I divide up the stuff I talk about based on topic. If you like, say. If you hate, say. I need input. But I like lists, and I like being organized, and damn it, this looks nice.Life* My new phone is amazing, and green and black, and I love it and it's super-sexy, but it's also vaguely frightening, because it has a GPS and can probably predict the future if I ask nicely enough. Technology scares me.* Geekologie may be my new favorite site. Why did no one tell me about this? It's amazing AND informative, and has inspired a whole new category here on FEAR AND LOATHING, titled WTF, INTERNET? about the truly frightening shit that actually exists in our world, that you are expected to BUY. So thank you, Geekologie, for raising the bar for all bloggers.Movies* So, is this true, or is the internet just screwing with me? Because Gary Oldman is badassery squared. And if he IS in
with Mickey FREAKING Rourke, I am near-giddy with joy and anticipation, and think Jon Favreau is GOD for casting such wonders alongside the Original Wonder That Is Robert Downey, Jr. Now I will DOOM the production by gleefully shouting, 'THIS MOVIE CANNOT SUCK!' and of course, it will then suck based on the laws of the universe, and it will be ALL my fault.* This is what I like to call, unnecessary. Not EVERY movie requires a reboot. Creature From The Black Lagoon is a time capsule. Remember The Day The Earth Stood Still? Yeah, that was a classic movie too, until you RUINED it by putting Keanu Reeves and Jennifer Connelly in it and MAKING it. Remakes need to be approved by intelligent, loyal film fans before going into production. * Gore Verbinski is bailing on the next Pirates Of The Caribbean installment, which might be a wise life choice. And did I hallucinate, or did I read somewhere that Russell Brand is going to play Captain Jack Sparrow's little brother? BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE ALL KINDS OF AWESOME. Russell Brand IS a pirate. A sexy, swarthy, British pirate.... What? Oh, yes, Verbinski. He's leaving. They'll probably hire Roland Emmerich, and aliens will blow the shit out of everything, and then something will explode. Epic.* Twilight fans are such assholes. No, I'm done. I'm not adding anything. I stand by my statement. And I'm SO GLAD I'm an 'Anti' apparently. * Since you brought it up, here's a whole forum devoted to how awful Twilight is. Now, usually I don't make fun of other people's fandoms. I have enough of my own, and they mean enough to me that I try to be at least RESPECTFUL of other people's fixations. Even when they're crazy. But this is ridiculous. I am sick of being told, 'You just don't get it.' Bitch, please. I have a fandom TATTOO. I memorized V For Vendetta, I've read every Harry Potter book countless times, I get hammered on Hunter Thompson's birthday, I am STILL angry they cancelled Firefly, when I was in sixth grade I dressed up as a Vulcan for Halloween (and got in trouble for having a costume that was TOO SEXY...). I understand fandom love. And, unfortunately, I understand Twilight. It just SUCKS. And you need to stop forcing it down my throat. I do not CHASE YOU AROUND with copies of Watchmen shrieking, 'LOVE THE MASKED VIGILANTES!' Frankly, I don't give a SHIT if you don't like it. I like it, and that's enough. So leave me alone. You are totally welcome to love the bad writing of Stephenie Meyer. You can be all in love with that anti-bathing dazzling vampire dude. I have no problem with this. Until you start yelling at and hitting me for thinking it's awful. Then we have a problem.Random Madness* Rocket Babies. YES.* How much do I want these juice boxes SHAPED LIKE FRUIT? Answer: More than ANYTHING.* Back when I was nearly seventy pounds heavier, I used to eat some of the stuff that's been featured on this site. I don't anymore. I am no longer large. COINCIDENCE?Politics* The Republicans, when they are not in power and actually working at killing everyone you know and love, are a source of consistent entertainment. Because, you know, increasing our defense budget is JUST what our enemies want, because it will somehow.... allow them to destroy America? It doesn't HAVE to make sense, it's just RIGHT. Right-Wing! Ehehehe.....* I know it makes me a bad, immature person, but I really just can't take pirates seriously. Except the ones in Tales of the Black Freighter, because those motherfuckers will EAT YOUR FACE AND STEAL YOUR SOUL.* See, this is why I hate people. If you're going to tell hideous lies about gay people, like 'Oh Noes! They is going to eat our babies and steal mah teevee sets and they can make VOLCANOES ERUPT AT WHIM,' at least get actors who can goddamn SELL it. These people cannot. Stuff That Burns The Eyes* This is, inarguably, the scariest cake ever baked in the history of pastries. It scares the shit out of me. It makes babies weep and then become sterile. It causes birds to fall dead from the sky. It's supposed to be Shrek:[Found at CakeWrecks]* There's an article that goes with this picture, and more pictures, but really, once you SKIN a beloved childhood character, that pretty much ends ALL conversations: [Found at Cracked]Watchmen* There are a lot of these, but this is the only one that matters. It's funny. But more importantly, it's RORSCHACH AND WOLVERINE. Technology* I can't decide if this is the next stage of human evolution, or proof that we are all fucked, for real. The IDEA is sound, but the execution? It looks like a mutant can-opener is eating you from the feet up. It's SCARY.WTF, INTERNET?* You can buy garbage in a plastic box. New York garbage, which is the rarest and most beautiful of all garbage, and visible only to the trained eye of an expert hunter. If you crave these gorgeous, exotic little piles of trash, it's $50. For garbage.* Behold, the most frightening/disgusting mouse in the history of the internet. I can't get over how psychologically damaging it would be to walk into an office and see someone clicking at their plummeting stocks with THIS monstrosity: [Found at LikeCool]* Who has ever looked at a blow-up doll, one of the saddest inventions known to God and Man, and thought, 'Gee, If only I could WEAR this thing around, in public. How post-modern and edgy! I would surely have friends, then'? Answer: This dude.Lot of stuff today. That's part of the survey on the side, which you should be taking, for America and Obama and Jesus.- LVPS It almost goes without saying, but I don't want to get sued for being stupid, so remember that I totally am spoofing the genius of this site in all my blog titles.
with Mickey FREAKING Rourke, I am near-giddy with joy and anticipation, and think Jon Favreau is GOD for casting such wonders alongside the Original Wonder That Is Robert Downey, Jr. Now I will DOOM the production by gleefully shouting, 'THIS MOVIE CANNOT SUCK!' and of course, it will then suck based on the laws of the universe, and it will be ALL my fault.* This is what I like to call, unnecessary. Not EVERY movie requires a reboot. Creature From The Black Lagoon is a time capsule. Remember The Day The Earth Stood Still? Yeah, that was a classic movie too, until you RUINED it by putting Keanu Reeves and Jennifer Connelly in it and MAKING it. Remakes need to be approved by intelligent, loyal film fans before going into production. * Gore Verbinski is bailing on the next Pirates Of The Caribbean installment, which might be a wise life choice. And did I hallucinate, or did I read somewhere that Russell Brand is going to play Captain Jack Sparrow's little brother? BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE ALL KINDS OF AWESOME. Russell Brand IS a pirate. A sexy, swarthy, British pirate.... What? Oh, yes, Verbinski. He's leaving. They'll probably hire Roland Emmerich, and aliens will blow the shit out of everything, and then something will explode. Epic.* Twilight fans are such assholes. No, I'm done. I'm not adding anything. I stand by my statement. And I'm SO GLAD I'm an 'Anti' apparently. * Since you brought it up, here's a whole forum devoted to how awful Twilight is. Now, usually I don't make fun of other people's fandoms. I have enough of my own, and they mean enough to me that I try to be at least RESPECTFUL of other people's fixations. Even when they're crazy. But this is ridiculous. I am sick of being told, 'You just don't get it.' Bitch, please. I have a fandom TATTOO. I memorized V For Vendetta, I've read every Harry Potter book countless times, I get hammered on Hunter Thompson's birthday, I am STILL angry they cancelled Firefly, when I was in sixth grade I dressed up as a Vulcan for Halloween (and got in trouble for having a costume that was TOO SEXY...). I understand fandom love. And, unfortunately, I understand Twilight. It just SUCKS. And you need to stop forcing it down my throat. I do not CHASE YOU AROUND with copies of Watchmen shrieking, 'LOVE THE MASKED VIGILANTES!' Frankly, I don't give a SHIT if you don't like it. I like it, and that's enough. So leave me alone. You are totally welcome to love the bad writing of Stephenie Meyer. You can be all in love with that anti-bathing dazzling vampire dude. I have no problem with this. Until you start yelling at and hitting me for thinking it's awful. Then we have a problem.Random Madness* Rocket Babies. YES.* How much do I want these juice boxes SHAPED LIKE FRUIT? Answer: More than ANYTHING.* Back when I was nearly seventy pounds heavier, I used to eat some of the stuff that's been featured on this site. I don't anymore. I am no longer large. COINCIDENCE?Politics* The Republicans, when they are not in power and actually working at killing everyone you know and love, are a source of consistent entertainment. Because, you know, increasing our defense budget is JUST what our enemies want, because it will somehow.... allow them to destroy America? It doesn't HAVE to make sense, it's just RIGHT. Right-Wing! Ehehehe.....* I know it makes me a bad, immature person, but I really just can't take pirates seriously. Except the ones in Tales of the Black Freighter, because those motherfuckers will EAT YOUR FACE AND STEAL YOUR SOUL.* See, this is why I hate people. If you're going to tell hideous lies about gay people, like 'Oh Noes! They is going to eat our babies and steal mah teevee sets and they can make VOLCANOES ERUPT AT WHIM,' at least get actors who can goddamn SELL it. These people cannot. Stuff That Burns The Eyes* This is, inarguably, the scariest cake ever baked in the history of pastries. It scares the shit out of me. It makes babies weep and then become sterile. It causes birds to fall dead from the sky. It's supposed to be Shrek:[Found at CakeWrecks]* There's an article that goes with this picture, and more pictures, but really, once you SKIN a beloved childhood character, that pretty much ends ALL conversations: [Found at Cracked]Watchmen* There are a lot of these, but this is the only one that matters. It's funny. But more importantly, it's RORSCHACH AND WOLVERINE. Technology* I can't decide if this is the next stage of human evolution, or proof that we are all fucked, for real. The IDEA is sound, but the execution? It looks like a mutant can-opener is eating you from the feet up. It's SCARY.WTF, INTERNET?* You can buy garbage in a plastic box. New York garbage, which is the rarest and most beautiful of all garbage, and visible only to the trained eye of an expert hunter. If you crave these gorgeous, exotic little piles of trash, it's $50. For garbage.* Behold, the most frightening/disgusting mouse in the history of the internet. I can't get over how psychologically damaging it would be to walk into an office and see someone clicking at their plummeting stocks with THIS monstrosity: [Found at LikeCool]* Who has ever looked at a blow-up doll, one of the saddest inventions known to God and Man, and thought, 'Gee, If only I could WEAR this thing around, in public. How post-modern and edgy! I would surely have friends, then'? Answer: This dude.Lot of stuff today. That's part of the survey on the side, which you should be taking, for America and Obama and Jesus.- LVPS It almost goes without saying, but I don't want to get sued for being stupid, so remember that I totally am spoofing the genius of this site in all my blog titles.
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