Have You Ever Watched Daytime TV? It's Terrible.

Blog* Obviously this does not include Maury, who is beyond such verbal slander. Title is from Supernatural.Wow* This disturbs me on so many levels. This is in no way OK. George Lopez and Wax George Lopez share a tender moment:[Found at Best Week Ever]This could be the opening scene of the WORTS PORNOGRAPHIC MOVIE EVER. OH GOD MY MIND'S EYE JUST BLINDED ITSELF.WTF, INTERNET?* You know, Internet, we need to talk. I get that as a culture we are fascinated and amused by penises. We're a little fixated. I get it. I won't argue that. But we may be entering truly depraved territory here:[Found at Nerd Approved]DO I EVEN NEED TO EXPLAIN THIS? IT IS A FAN, WHERE THE PENIS IS THE FAN, AND HIS BODY IS ALL DEFORMED, AND HIS PENIS IS A FAN, GUYS. A FAN PENIS. Maybe I'm a weird girl, but DO NOT FREAKING WANT. WHY IS HIS PENIS A FAN? WHY IS IT COMING OUT OF HIS BELLY BUTTON? WHY WOULD I PAY $10.00 FOR A DEFORMED LITTLE MAN WITH A PENIS FAN?WE HAVE BEEN BROUGHT LOW, PEOPLE.Writing* When I am having writer's block, or need inspiration, or just want someone to admit that writing can REALLY SUCK AS A CAREER, SOMETIMES, I read Warren Ellis' blog:

Ha ha I thought I was done with the Marvel Anime job but it turns out I forgot something that they need in 48 hours ha ha oh god my eyemeat hurts and I’m sleeping in four-hour blocks and god I hate deadlines so much especially when it’s my own damn fault for thinking this stage wasn’t due yet and I will be done with this job today or this job will be done with me and so will life.

Then I feel better, until I remember that he gets paid to make the words, and I do not, and then I have to go be alone for a while, with my RAGE.Easter* I know YESTERDAY was Easter, but you know what? Time is an illusion, and blogs are timeless, and I wasn't near the internet yesterday, because I was busy eating and drinking and making merry with various relations, SO BITE ME. Anyway, consider it a kindness that I'm posting this AFTER Easter:[Found at Regretsy]So you decapitate the lamb-cake, and it bleeds, and nobody in your immediate family is EVER OK, AGAIN, THE END. What is going ON in Milwaukee? Are lambs slaughtered on Easter? I don't know these things, I just show up at the parties and eat stuff and wear super-cute outfits. That's how I roll.This is how Jesus rolls:[Found at World of Wonder]JESUS AND A WEE BABY RAPTOR. YES. ALL RELIGIONS WOULD BE IMPROVED BY THE ADDITION OF RAPTORS.Animals* OK, I need to correct myself. America is obsessed with penises, and our pets. From the time I was a wee sprat of a lass, I have been taught, NO PETS AT THE TABLE. Particularly when you have to STRAP your pets to the table:[Found at Incredible Things]This is insane. I am sorry, but COME ON. It's a high chair, for a small cat or dog. Now, the animals I know would not be happy about this. They would claw the EVERLOVING FUCK out of a table, rather than deal with this sort of indignity. And it's $50.00.You know what? The Four Horsemen aren't showing up. They're too EMBARRASSED.Music* Louden Swain is the band of Prophet Chuck from Supernatural. They are also incredibly good, and that confuses me, because Prophet Chuck should not be singing such lovely, funny, catchy songs:NOTHING MAKES SENSE ANYMORE. UP IS DOWN. BLACK IS WHITE. NERDS ARE HOT. Wait, nerds are always hot. Carry on.Movie!Fail* Remember XXX? The stupid Vin Diesel movie, pretty much like every other stupid Vin Diesel movie, only he had tattoos, I think (I don't really mind Vin Diesel. He has terribly nice arms, and has made a career out of having nice arms and a deep voice, and I respect that). I don't remember, except that the opening scene had Rammstein, yes? And Samuel L. Jackson was there? Right?OH, and there was a sequel, with Ice Cube, but I didn't see it. But now we're on the third installment, which will be in 3-D.

FEAR AND LOATHING PREDICTION: There will be at least one line about "XXX.... IN 3-D" or some awful play on words that will make me die inside at the FAIL of the world.Did you guys know we're up to the fifth installment of The Fast & The Furious? Yeah, I'm sad too.Daily Hot Guy[Neil Patrick Harris, AKA NPH, AKA HE'S GOING TO BE ON GLEE, YOU GUYS. DO YOU COMPREHEND THE PROFOUND RIGHTNESS OF THE UNIVERSE IN THAT STATEMENT? Oh, NPH, how do I love thee? Let us feast upon White Castle, and you can sing to me, OK?]Daily Icon“In America you can get away with murder, but not with sex.”- Xaviera HollanderWant* Have I ever told you guys about when I worked at Troma Studios? Yep, I interned there one summer, and MAN, do I have some stories. Ask me some time, and I will offer forth tidbits of the glorious-ness.Since I worked at Troma, and had to do some pretty degrading things (but it's OK, for ART) I should get these radiation barrel glasses for free, right?[Found at Geekologie]And yes, I know that these aren't made by Troma, and have pretty much nothing to do with Troma at all, but in my mind they have a correlation, and so I get them for free. SO IT IS WRITTEN, SO IT SHALL BE DONE.Harry Potter* For those of you that are not almost deliriously excited by the Harry Potter theme park, I'd suggest you skip over to the next section, because I am pretty fucking stoked beyond words about this, and if you think it's lame, that is just dandy, more butterbeer for me, FUCKERS.Ahem. Behold, Hagrid's hut:[Found at Slash Film]I'm going to get wasted with Hagrid and go flirt with Snape. SHUT UP, BEST THEME PARK EVER. You're just jealous. Fools.Interwebz* 'Chexting' is my new least-favorite word. I hate it. It's cheating through text. Like sexting, We don't need to shorten ALL WORDS, people. Journalism used to be about figuring out corrupt political scams, or exposing injustice. Not thinking up the technological equivalent of 'Bennifer.'Anyway, let's see what they say:

Their affairs have spawned a new word in pop culture, chexting, and raised the question of whether it really is cheating on a spouse. The experts say, you bet it is."It's lipstick on the cellular -- digital proof that becomes evidence you've been unfaithful," says Peter Dedman of Predicto Mobile, the largest paid mobile community in America.

Lipstick on the cellular? I hate everyone. Ever. All the time. THIS IS NOT NEWS.PS As I was told on Twitter, 'Chexting' sounds more like the snack than a crime. Chex are delicious.We are all doomed, but it's OK, because Neil Patrick Harris will sing to us, and maybe do a duet with Louden Swain, IN MY MIND.- LV

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