Day 33 Of Unemployment: Mini-Post - Review of 'Halloween'

My review of Halloween, directed by Rob Zombie:Denial: Surely nobody could possibly make such a bad movie. Certainly nobody involved with Grindhouse. And obviously nobody could badly remake such a brilliant film (ignores Psycho, The Fog, The Haunting, Alfie, Wild Wild West, House Of Wax, The Truth About Charlie, The Pink Panther, Down To Earth, and most remakes ever.)Anger: WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST WATCH? WHAT MANNER OF BULLSHIT IS THIS? WHY IS EVERYONE A HICK? HOW MANY BORING TEENAGE HUMPING SESSIONS CAN ONE MOVIE HAVE? WHY IS THE DOCTOR DRESSED LIKE ANDY WARHOL?! WHAT TESTICLE-CHOPPING MONSTER CONVINCED DANNY TREJO TO SOIL HIMSELF IN THIS FILM? WHY IS THE CREEPY KID SO VERY ANNOYING, AND HIS HAIR SO VERY LONG? I HATE EVERYONE! IT BURNS! Bargaining: Please, please, Hollywood - I'll give you my firstborn if you stop raping the past. Please? And my spleen. Just make the bad men stop.Depression: There will never be a good movie again. Film is dead, and I was at its final, gasping moments of agony.Acceptance: I survived Wild Wild West on the big screen - I will survive this. But I must spread the word, so that nobody will ever suffer like I have.- LVPS Here are a few GOOD remakes to help with your therapy, if you were unlucky enough to think Halloween would be a fun, stupid movie, and were as traumatized as I am by the actual results:* Dawn of the Dead*
(I actually like it better than the Gene Wilder version - it sticks closer to the book, and doesn't have the scary tunnel sequence)* His Girl Friday*
* The Fly* The Ring* Ocean's 11* The Manchurian Candidate* The Maltese Falcon* King Kong PPSS I saw Britney Spears' VMA performance on YouTube. It was more terrifying than anything in Halloween.

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