Blog* Title comes from Futurama. Food* Did you know that an onion can soothe a bee-sting? I never get stung by bees, because I do not freak out when I see them, and generally just ignore them until they go away. I am afraid of a number of ridiculous things, but bees are not on the list. On the downside, you then have to spend the day smelling like an onion, which could seriously hamper your social life.Movies* Courtney Cox Arquette and David Arquette are determined to completely ruin the memory of the original Scream, by making a fourth movie. The first scared the shit out of me, the second was fairly creepy and had a nice Friday The 13th homage, the third one made no fucking sense and blew. If tradition follows, the fourth will cause cancer, massive brain embolisms, and a deep hatred for Neve Campbell. Plus, how many times can Dewey get STABBED?* There is going to be a Stretch Armstrong movie. That is the joke, punchline, and tragic resolution all in one sentence.* A futuristic with Anthony Stewart Head as Duncan? If they could somehow meld this with Repo! The Genetic Opera and have Mr. Head sing as he gets murdered, and Lady Macbeth sing as she washes her hands with bleach or cuts off the skin, this would be awesome. The above is also the reason why nobody lets me have any say in movies.* Click here to see the greatest bit of character casting in the history of the universe, or at least the universe. Also extra points for Beard Win.Ad!Fail* Remember that porno-rific Burger King ad? Well, the folks over at Best Week Ever have a few more suggestions on obscene advertising:[Found at BestWeekEver][Found at BestWeekEver]Clearly, I was absent the day that someone explained why tiny penis-fries are a solid marketing idea. Click here for even more ads, including Dunkin' Donuts, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.Depression Session* You need to stay buff during the depression. Then, when young hooligans try to steal your last bag of rice, you can beat them to death and feast on their stringy, half-starved flesh. So, in conclusion, you should use bleach bottles as dumbells to get stronger and increase the chance that when cannibalism becomes a necessary evil, you will be the eater instead of the eaten. I'm thinking of your welfare. Girly Shit* These are boots collected from military bases, then redesigned with Native American artwork to show different types of American Patriotism:[Found at CoolHunting]They are also totally badass, and I want about ten different pairs, because I like boots and irony. Click here for many different styles and colors.Music* I like this remix of Lady Gaga's LoveGame featuring Marilyn Manson because, if nothing else, it proves that the difference between pop music and scary rock music is often all in the voice singing the words. Suddenly it goes from a fun, sexy song to a frightening, threatening tune about how Marilyn Manson will throw you into his pit of depraved LoveGames from which you will never escape.Technology* I think the International Society of Supervillains should have to handle all spam mail I receive, forever, because they will laugh and be amused, and then they will destroy you and everything you hold dear, which is the only real way to respond to spam.Watchmen* Jackie Earle Haley (or at least his official site) implores you to check out these fan videos. You do not question Mr. Haley. You do as he says, bow before him, and ask him to say "Waiting for a flash of enlightenment in all this blood and thunder," because they CUT IT FROM THE MOVIE. I wish I could make fan videos. I have no skills. Also, as much as I love him, I think knowing Rorschach in high school would have ended up with me dead or deeply resentful. AND TOTALLY WORTH IT.Daily Hot Guy[Sam Trammell, making pain and blood required parts of a healthy relationship, DAMN this poster needs to be mine, and he needs to deliver it, and Sunday is True Blood day, HUZZAH]Tattoo Of Win* Ouch.[Found at LOLTATZ]Food* If James Bond drank wine instead of martinis, this would be the kit he used to open wine bottles:[Found at NerdApproved]Then James would knock out the Russian Spy Lady with the fake bottle, drain it in one chug, have sex with her, have sex with a chair, have sex with a villain, shoot some random henchmen, take off his shirt, put his shirt back on, beat the shit out of a tourist asking for directions, has sex with the tourist asking for directions, puts on another suit, and shoots a big gun, and it is AWESOME.I have a lot to do today. I have an article to write, I need to work on my book, clean closets... it SEEMS like a lot. To me. I want to go back to sleep. Or watch Mark Sandford cry while Sarah Palin yells about things. It would be like the alpha and omega of political history.- LV
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