Blog
* Actually, we came to a cautious truce with the ninja ghost. His name is Frank. We don't use that toilet anymore. Title is from Invader Zim.
* LOOKIT. A REAL BLOG ENTRY.
WTF, INTERNET?
* At first, I thought this was just a joke.
see more Epic Fails
It's not.
Now, let's try to imagine using this in real life. What do you do when your partner straps this onto their head? How do you respond? Laughing awkwardly while trying to gather up your clothes? Hitting them with the nearest lamp and fleeing to a nunnery/convent/monastery?
I can see someone buying this as a gag, but the idea of a person purchasing this with the serious intent of using it to find their partners' bits just messes with my head. You should not need a special light for this. The end. NO, THE END. The conversation is over.
Fandom
* I don't give a crap WHICH fandom you are a member of, this may very well be the most terrifying pillow in existence:
[Found at Regretsy]
Its neck NEVER ends. It just goes on and on forever, and bobs gently in the breeze, as it stares at you with its dead, empty eyes.
And the name itself bugs me: Manllow. Shouldn't it be 'Manillow'? Or are we worried that Barry Manilow will sue? This pillow raises questions I simply am not qualified to answer.
Animals
* I'm pretty sure one of the girls from World Peace Through Jackie Earle Haley showed me this. I remember crying with laughter for several minutes.
I want this frog to be America's mascot. Not for any political reasons. I just love this frog.
Music
* The quality isn't great, but A) it's Butch fucking Walker, and B) I WAS AT THIS SHOW, with the sublime Laroux74, and we had to SWIM to get there, and I want to go again. He's better in concert, and I didn't think that was possible.
Zombies
* The fact that this site exists makes up for pretty much everything I've ever shown in WTF, INTERNET?. Oh, and it confirms that ZOMBIES ARE TAKING OVER. WE ARE DOOMED. WHERE'S MY FLAME THROWER? I TOLD YOU GUYS I NEEDED ONE.
Created by Mingle2.com (Dating for non-zombies)
Scary
* I hate myself for posting this. Reason number infinity I DO IN FACT NEED A FLAME THROWER, YOU GUYS. BURN THE EVIL.
[Found at Very Demotivational]
Clowns are proof that we live in an insane, evil universe that wants us to cry under the covers forever.
Daily Hot Guy
[It's OK, everyone! Tim Roth is here and he's going to shoot the clown, then set it on fire, light a cigarette off the burning clown, and make a pithy yet cutting remark in his accent. I feel better now. Tim Roth=Destroyer of Evil.]
Daily Icon
[Maya Angelou, writer, poet, literary goddess, and surprisingly funny when she's not breaking your heart. If all you've read of her work is I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings (in high school, under duress), reread it. Then go find her other works. Her poetry is breathtaking.]
Social Networking
* At least it's succinct:
see more funny facebook stuff!
Girly!Want
* Hopefully my readers either like really pretty shoes that I cannot afford, or naked lady butts:
[Found at Like Cool]
For those of you that enjoy both, you are very welcome. Now get me those shoes.
Food!Win
* Why isn't there a God of Caffeine? I mean, I jokingly make up minor gods all the time, like the God of Tangled Yarn, or the Goddess of Tripping In Front Of Your Ex And His New Girlfriend, or Goddess Of Being Out Of The One Goddamn Comic I Want To Buy This Week, but those don't count. I mean a real God of caffeine. Or a religion. We could worship caffeine, and talk about our favorite ways of ingesting caffeine, and maybe sacrifice sleeping pills to caffeine, possibly? This is starting to sound more like a support group. Which I'm also OK with.
And we could eat these:
[Found at ThinkGeek]
Yes, caffeinated cookies exist. And if you ingest them with energy drinks, you can run backwards through time. Or, you know, keel over and have to spend some time in the hospital.
Notice I managed to write a whole entry about caffeine without abusing the capslocks key. Just a sign of how little caffeine I have ingested today, and why I am a sleepy little blogger.
Moment Of Win
* Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the dentist....
see more Epic Fails
You know what would be even SCARIER? Put the oral sex light on the bear's head.
Epic!Fail
* I love England, and I want to move there and live there forever, because I think it's the best place in the universe. I am a fan of England. But before I relocate across an ocean for the love of all things British, events like these must stop taking place:
Children: Do not stab your teachers with ANYTHING. This is something I should not have to tell you. (Incidentally, why are you reading this blog, hypothetical child? WHAT ARE YOUR PARENTS DOING?)
Police: Do not drop charges against people who stab other people, with pencils or ANYTHING ELSE, OK?
Actually, if this had taken place in America, the kid would have stabbed EVERYONE with bayonet he made out of beer cans, and there'd already be a reality show about it, a made-for-TV movie, and a clothing line with strategically placed holes. So never mind, England. Carry on. Love, LV
People I Love
* I cannot draw. At all. In my wildest fantasies, I cannot draw. I accept this with a measure of bitterness, because I would very much like to have some talent in that area.
Luckily, my friends are brilliant, and draw pictures of Spider Jerusalem that make me happy in every way possible:
{Drawn by Puina]
So she'll draw things, and I can be all, 'I know wicked talented people, bitches,' and take pride through the accomplishments of others. Excellent plan.
I'd make some promise to blog regularly, but then you'd all be cross if I don't, and frankly I don't need that stress in my life. But I have an upcoming interview to post, reviews, yelling, stuff you need to buy made by people I know and love, and even a few serious pieces. It's ALL HAPPENING, PEOPLE. Eventually.
And if I don't blog, my excuse is that the state has FLOODED, and I'm chilling on my roof.
- LV
* Actually, we came to a cautious truce with the ninja ghost. His name is Frank. We don't use that toilet anymore. Title is from Invader Zim.
* LOOKIT. A REAL BLOG ENTRY.
WTF, INTERNET?
* At first, I thought this was just a joke.
see more Epic Fails
It's not.
Now, let's try to imagine using this in real life. What do you do when your partner straps this onto their head? How do you respond? Laughing awkwardly while trying to gather up your clothes? Hitting them with the nearest lamp and fleeing to a nunnery/convent/monastery?
I can see someone buying this as a gag, but the idea of a person purchasing this with the serious intent of using it to find their partners' bits just messes with my head. You should not need a special light for this. The end. NO, THE END. The conversation is over.
Fandom
* I don't give a crap WHICH fandom you are a member of, this may very well be the most terrifying pillow in existence:
[Found at Regretsy]
Its neck NEVER ends. It just goes on and on forever, and bobs gently in the breeze, as it stares at you with its dead, empty eyes.
And the name itself bugs me: Manllow. Shouldn't it be 'Manillow'? Or are we worried that Barry Manilow will sue? This pillow raises questions I simply am not qualified to answer.
Animals
* I'm pretty sure one of the girls from World Peace Through Jackie Earle Haley showed me this. I remember crying with laughter for several minutes.
I want this frog to be America's mascot. Not for any political reasons. I just love this frog.
Music
* The quality isn't great, but A) it's Butch fucking Walker, and B) I WAS AT THIS SHOW, with the sublime Laroux74, and we had to SWIM to get there, and I want to go again. He's better in concert, and I didn't think that was possible.
Zombies
* The fact that this site exists makes up for pretty much everything I've ever shown in WTF, INTERNET?. Oh, and it confirms that ZOMBIES ARE TAKING OVER. WE ARE DOOMED. WHERE'S MY FLAME THROWER? I TOLD YOU GUYS I NEEDED ONE.
Created by Mingle2.com (Dating for non-zombies)
Scary
* I hate myself for posting this. Reason number infinity I DO IN FACT NEED A FLAME THROWER, YOU GUYS. BURN THE EVIL.
[Found at Very Demotivational]
Clowns are proof that we live in an insane, evil universe that wants us to cry under the covers forever.
Daily Hot Guy
[It's OK, everyone! Tim Roth is here and he's going to shoot the clown, then set it on fire, light a cigarette off the burning clown, and make a pithy yet cutting remark in his accent. I feel better now. Tim Roth=Destroyer of Evil.]
Daily Icon
[Maya Angelou, writer, poet, literary goddess, and surprisingly funny when she's not breaking your heart. If all you've read of her work is I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings (in high school, under duress), reread it. Then go find her other works. Her poetry is breathtaking.]
Social Networking
* At least it's succinct:
see more funny facebook stuff!
Girly!Want
* Hopefully my readers either like really pretty shoes that I cannot afford, or naked lady butts:
[Found at Like Cool]
For those of you that enjoy both, you are very welcome. Now get me those shoes.
Food!Win
* Why isn't there a God of Caffeine? I mean, I jokingly make up minor gods all the time, like the God of Tangled Yarn, or the Goddess of Tripping In Front Of Your Ex And His New Girlfriend, or Goddess Of Being Out Of The One Goddamn Comic I Want To Buy This Week, but those don't count. I mean a real God of caffeine. Or a religion. We could worship caffeine, and talk about our favorite ways of ingesting caffeine, and maybe sacrifice sleeping pills to caffeine, possibly? This is starting to sound more like a support group. Which I'm also OK with.
And we could eat these:
[Found at ThinkGeek]
Yes, caffeinated cookies exist. And if you ingest them with energy drinks, you can run backwards through time. Or, you know, keel over and have to spend some time in the hospital.
Notice I managed to write a whole entry about caffeine without abusing the capslocks key. Just a sign of how little caffeine I have ingested today, and why I am a sleepy little blogger.
Moment Of Win
* Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the dentist....
see more Epic Fails
You know what would be even SCARIER? Put the oral sex light on the bear's head.
Epic!Fail
* I love England, and I want to move there and live there forever, because I think it's the best place in the universe. I am a fan of England. But before I relocate across an ocean for the love of all things British, events like these must stop taking place:
A DECISION to drop charges against a 10-year-old yob who admitted stabbing a teacher in the chest with a pencil and assaulting two other staff was condemned last night by teaching unions.
Children: Do not stab your teachers with ANYTHING. This is something I should not have to tell you. (Incidentally, why are you reading this blog, hypothetical child? WHAT ARE YOUR PARENTS DOING?)
Police: Do not drop charges against people who stab other people, with pencils or ANYTHING ELSE, OK?
Actually, if this had taken place in America, the kid would have stabbed EVERYONE with bayonet he made out of beer cans, and there'd already be a reality show about it, a made-for-TV movie, and a clothing line with strategically placed holes. So never mind, England. Carry on. Love, LV
People I Love
* I cannot draw. At all. In my wildest fantasies, I cannot draw. I accept this with a measure of bitterness, because I would very much like to have some talent in that area.
Luckily, my friends are brilliant, and draw pictures of Spider Jerusalem that make me happy in every way possible:
{Drawn by Puina]
So she'll draw things, and I can be all, 'I know wicked talented people, bitches,' and take pride through the accomplishments of others. Excellent plan.
I'd make some promise to blog regularly, but then you'd all be cross if I don't, and frankly I don't need that stress in my life. But I have an upcoming interview to post, reviews, yelling, stuff you need to buy made by people I know and love, and even a few serious pieces. It's ALL HAPPENING, PEOPLE. Eventually.
And if I don't blog, my excuse is that the state has FLOODED, and I'm chilling on my roof.
- LV
0 comments:
Post a Comment