200th Post

Oh, and...

* New movie review at The Fangirl Review. I think it's important for your life that you read it. Friends don't let friends watch crap.

* Edward Norton in suspenders is really, really hot. I mean, he's usually hot, but he somehow makes suspenders the most erotic accessory in the known universe. I'm talking about THE PAINTED VEIL, which was an excellent film with many good qualities, but which will be eternally remembered by me as the 'that sad movie with the OMFG suspenders and Norton's bare ass.' Because I am a shallow, shallow person.

* Did you know Sylvester Stallone was in the Woody Allen movie BANANAS? Well, I forgot, and now I will never forget again. Ever. I want it written on my tombstone. Under "Self-loathing Narcissist" and above, "I TOLD you I was sick."

- LV

PS I just realized this was my 200th post. GO ME. How should I celebrate? KEGGER.

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Rant Alert

I have a lot of other things I could write about, all of them far funnier or more interesting than this, but I am extremely annoyed at the moment and this is my damn blog, so I'm going to whine.

First of all, parents suck. All of them. All parents suck, at least to their own offspring. I can love my friend's parents, and they can love mine. But when it comes to the people who raised you, all you really want to do is set bits of their anatomy on fire.

As I've said before, it's really hard to live back at home after years of freedom. You have to adapt to the family dynamics, most of which have changed, and your parents have to come to terms with the fact that you're not the same person you were when you moved out. This is all natural, and all to be expected.

But this passive-aggressive manipulative bullshit is going to drive me into the looney bin where they serve soft food you can't hurt yourself on, and only pipe in the soothing sounds of Enya, lest you be gripped by a violent fit. You can't even read, because you might paper-cut your tongue in your mania. I'm rapidly heading down the road to this place.

I mean, I was gone all weekend visiting friends in the great city of Pittsburgh. I've been home since Monday night; how much anger can I inspire? A lot, apparently.

Study the following conversation:
Mom: What are you doing?
ElleVee: Reading.
M: Oh.
LV: Why? Do you need anything?
M: You don't have anything better to do than read?
LV: Like what?
M: Oh, nothing. Nothing at all.

Because you see, nobody can just tell me what they'd like me to do. I should just intrinsically know, by osmosis. Instead, I end up sitting there, bewildered, while my mom fumes about my inability to understand why she's angry. Then I get angry because she's angry. Then my brother sells my stuff to our neighbors (no joke), and I get yelled at for screaming at him.

Woo. Rage much? OK, next entry will be full of laughter and joy and pithy wisdom, and we'll all dance under a chocolate rainbow. Or something to that effect.

And Pittsburgh is awesome. Viva Pittsburgh. More on that next time, too.
- LV

PS If I do go crazy and start slaughtering people randomly, please don't mention this blog to the authorities, as it would probably not help my defense.
PPSS I'm kidding. HONEST. I'm kidding. Verbal violence is all I go in for.

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Today Elle Learned...

Technology (read: Facebook) sucks. Because people you've avoided for months learn about your life, and call you and it's awful and awkward. So Facebook is on my shitlist, and phones. And pretty much most things that aren't cigarettes and my bed.

But I will persist, because the alternative is basically crying under the bed, and it's dusty under there.
- LV

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My Business Is Done!

Just some notes:

* Finally downloaded my entire iTunes library to hard drive, and burned every CD I own (except a few incredibly awful CDs I refuse to admit ever purchasing) (and why do I have so many Punk-O-Ramas?). I have 8,416 songs. I wants more. Music is good.

* My family got a dog. After my first dog died last winter, we finally got a new one for my little brother (and, since I'm moving home, like, now, me). He's a one year old pure white Australian Shepherd/Labrador mix. I got to name him, so his name is Hunter S. Thompson. Yes, it does say that on his adoption papers, and we only use his first name... well, my mom uses his full name when he's chewing on stuff. He's very sweet. He was abused, though, so we're trying to make him as relaxed as possible. My dad loves him, mainly because he's housebroken.

* As stated before, I'm moving home, like, now. As in, we're going on Friday to get most of my stuff, and I'll be officially out by June 15th. It's weird. I'm relieved I'll no longer be living in constant fear of animals crawling on me, but I'm going to miss New York, and my freedom.

* Job interview tomorrow with a company in Jersey I have no interest in working for. But I figure if I get the job and work for a few months, I can get the hell out of Dodge.

* Moving home after living away for four years SUCKS. Like, really sucks. Nobody told me how much this would suck. And not having your own car when you live in an area that can only be traversed in a vehicle? Painful. Physically painful.

* The Wii FIt is the greatest invention since sliced bread. Worship and fear it.

* I can't decide if moving home to live in my parent's basement is a tragic cliche, or an ironic post-modern statement, and frankly I'd rather it be neither.
- LV

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Another Watchmen Comment

Whatever happens in the rest of the movie, however they might manage to fuck up this film, Jackie Earle Haley is going to be an amazing Rorschach. I'm watching LITTLE CHILDREN, and he's simultaneously tragic and terrifying. I both feel badly for him, and want him to stay far away from me for the rest of my life

That being said, Rorschach is one of my all-time favorite fictional characters, and I will be seriously cranky if he is not represented correctly. Like, violently cranky. Irked, even. But watching this movie, at least Haley is physically perfect for the role. Now all that remains is to see if he can do The Voice...

Still downloading songs. Up to 6,937.
- LV

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Let's Just Assume I'm In New Jersey Unless I Say Otherwise...

Although Pittsburgh is my dad's top choice for relocating.

Spent all day job-hunting, then decided to sell my vast CD collection for money. Have spent the rest of the day (and will probably the rest of the weekend) burning CDs to my computer, which probably can't handle the obscene load. Then I'll have to go throug and delete the multiples.

I am dull.

In other news... Actually, yeah. The CD thing is the most exciting part of today.

Tomorrow, my family's getting a dog. I might see INDIANA JONES this weekend. I rented two movies I may or may not watch. Vegan spaghetti carbonara tastes like someone hocked a loogie on your pasta.

Nope, still dull.
- LV

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Sweet Jesus' DONUTS

There is a rat in my apartment. Not a mouse, which wouldn't bother me. A rat. I thought a CAT had broken into my apartment until I noticed the tail. I actually jumped on a chair and screeched. I didn't know people did that in real life.

The exterminator came, but he put down that sticky shit. I think when I get home I'm going to throw it out. I'm against teh sticky traps, because they're cruel and also I don't want to INTERACT with the damn thing. I just want it to relocate.

Also, the roaches have been coming out in droves. I can't walk barefoot in my apartment right now. This is almost making me feel better about having to move out in like two months. Almost.

Going back to Jersey either today or tomorrow for The Talk yet again. Here is an annotated version of said Talk:
Parents: What do you want to do with your life?
ElleVee: I have no idea.
P: You need a job.
LV: I know.
P: Do you want to go back to school?
LV: I don't know.
P: Do you want us to lock you in the basement so as to hide your shameful existence from polite society?
LV: ....Can I bring my laptop?

It's circular arguing, and frankly I'm sick of it. I don't know what I want to do. I want to be IRON MAN's assistant, but PEPPER POTTS already has that job, and also they don't exist. All my ideal jobs are fictional. I may go sit outside Marvel or Vertigo with coffee and bribe people into hiring me. Or I'll get a fake beard and pretend to be Alan Moore. "Yes, I need all the original WATCHMEN stuff... And a free pass to the set of the movie. Of course I'm British, this is how we TALK you FOOL. I seem shorter? I shrank. I'm very sensitive about it, to be honest... the boobs? Well, it's a funny story..."

And we're back. It's a beautiful, glorious day in New York, and at this moment I don't want to leave. Then someone spits near my feet or I see another uber-hipster glare at me for some mysterious reason (they glare at everyone, but still), or I remember that it's a Wednesday and I'm sitting in a Starbucks drinking a water because I'm broke, and everyone else is at work or on summer vacation, and I'm suddenly annoyed with the city all over again.

I've seen three people dressed like Slash today. Is there a reason?

I probably do need a break from New York. Like when you're in love with someone, but you need to take a break before you get married. Especially when your love is a cheap bastard who won't give you a job anywhere.

I just wish I knew what I wanted to DO. I want to do something that involves movie and TV and books and comics. Find me a job. Go to it.

Oh, and I reviewed it in depth in my other blog, but the season finale of HOUSE made me cry like a prison bitch. It was that good. Anyone want to start a petition for ROBERT SEAN LEONARD to win a Golden Globe?
- LV

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