Playing With iTunes

I apparently really like singing actors.

I was downloading music, and noticed how many songs I own are actors who either sang in a movie, or released their own music. I wonder why. I realized this while trying, unsuccessfully, to find a copy of Edward Norton singing. This must say something about my personality.

These actors were all in musicals of some sort, hence their musical appearances:
* Zac Efron - HAIRSPRAY, which I really like, and refuse to apologize for, damn it.

* Amanda Bynes - Also from HAIRSPRAY.

* Woody Harrelson - A PRAIRIE HOME COMPANION, which would have been a much better movie without Lindsay Lohan sucking so bad.
* John C. Reilly - Mostly as Dewey Cox. He has a lovely voice.

* Matthew Broderick - THE PRODUCERS.

* Nathan Lane - Also from THE PRODUCERS. Good play. The movie, however, was awful. Just awful.

* John Lithgow - DIRTY ROTTEN SCOUNDRELS, the bestest play ever. OK, untrue.

* Sarah Michelle Gellar - BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER. Surprisingly pleasant to listen to.

* Sacha Baron Cohen - SWEENEY TODD. I could listen to him sing ALL DAY.

* Johnny Depp - Also SWEENEY TODD. Once you get over the insane weirdness of him singing, he's actually excellent.

* Alan Rickman - Still SWEENEY TODD. No matter how good he might be, Snape singing still freaks me out.

* Helena Bonham Carter - The never ending parade of SWEENEY TODD! She was OK. I'm going to be her for Halloween. DON'T STEAL MY COSTUME IDEA.

* Rosario Dawson - RENT. Honestly, I much prefer her voice to the original girl. *ducks*

* Taye Diggs - Also RENT. He's pretty.

* Will Arnett - ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT. One of the weirder ones. He sings 'Love Is In The Air.' It really isn't.

* Tim Blake Nelson - O BROTHER, WHERE ART THOU? If he had been born in an earlier time, he'd be a singer, not an actor. He's got a voice from the past.

* Scarlett Johansson - Her album sucks. It really, really does. She is hereby banned from making any more. Go marry your unfairly hot fiancee, and leave the rest of us alone.

* Sarah Silverman - JESUS IS MAGIC. Remember, 'It's not cold in here, you're just dying.'

* Salma Hayek - ONCE UPON A TIME IN MEXICO. Pretty voice. And I love that movie. LOVE. IT.

* Robert Downey, Jr. - A bunch of different places, including his solo album, which apparently I'm the only person on the planet who purchased. Which is a real pity, because it's very good, and he has a soothing, mellow voice. That being said, I really want a copy of him singing THE JEFFERSONS theme song.

* Ricky Gervais - THE OFFICE. 'Free Love Freeway' may be the greatest and most profound love song of our time.

* Renée Zellweger - CHICAGO. She can sing, but I still don't like her.

* Rose McGowan - GRINDHOUSE. Dear Rose, LEAVE ROBERT RODRIGUEZ ALONE! ARGH! Love, LV. PS Your singing is pointless.

* Reese Witherspoon - WALK THE LINE. She could cut a country record, and I'd buy it. I mean, I'd rather she didn't, because as we can all see, actors who make CDs invariably get mocked for all eternity.

* Juliette Lewis - With her band. It's kind of good, in a supremely trashy way. Good drunk music. I mean passed out vomiting on strangers drunk. One drink away from coma drunk.

* Paul Giamatti - DUETS. I know, WTF. I have no answer. It just is.

* John Travolta - Once again, HAIRSPRAY. And Mr. Travolta singing as an obese woman, no less. How's THAT for acid flashback?

* Christopher Walken - Oh, HAIRSPRAY, the things you've put us all through. He's a better singer. But come on, he was the Headless Horseman! And now he's serenading John Travolta in a fat suit?!

* Michelle Pfieffer - The last of HAIRSPRAY.

* Steve Carrell - DAN IN REAL LIFE. 'Let My Love Open The Door.' Dumb movie, but I really like this song.

* Dane Cook - DAN IN REAL LIFE. I still fucking hate Dane Cook.

* Adam Sandler - When he stops doing that obnoxious falsetto, he has a lovely voice. And his cover of 'Love Stinks' makes bitter singles everywhere happy.

* Amy Adams - ENCHANTED. She really seems like a Disney character. It's kind of frightening.

* Bill Murray - Singing the STAR WARS theme. I have no idea where this came from.

* Brittany Murphy - HAPPY FEET. Shockingly good voice. She may have taken a brief trip to the Land Of Crazy, but she can sing if she wants.

* Catherine Zeta-Jones - CHICAGO. My favorite from that CD.

* Evan Rachel Wood - ACROSS THE UNIVERSE. Hate. Her. Did you see that Marilyn Manson video she was in? I know it has nothing to do with this, but it was like an awful, awful porno where they blind you afterwards so that ends up being the last thing you've ever seen.

* Jim Sturgess - ACROSS THE UNIVERSE. Love him. Even though he was in THE OTHER BOLEYN GIRL.

* Joe Anderson - ACROSS THE UNIVERSE. Love Him. Even though he was in THE RUINS.

* David Cross - ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT. He sings show tunes. And he's not half bad. It's like Bizarro World.

* Nicole Kidman - MOULIN ROUGE! She was fine. She's still a super-tall scary lady.

* Heath Ledger - 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU. This one was weird before he died. Now it's weird and sad. But he's pretty good, and I like it.

* Hugh Grant - MUSIC & LYRICS. I like it. The dude from Fountains of Wayne wrote it! And Hugh Grant can carry a tune, admittedly not for very long distances.

* Drew Barrymore - MUSIC & LYRICS. She can sing this one song. That's it. Don't push your luck.

* Hugh Laurie - I have an obscene number of songs sung or performed by this man. It's a little horrifying. But he's got a great voice! AND he plays piano AND guitar! I don't feel the need to justify my love to you.

* Ewan McGregor - MOULIN ROUGE! Whenever I discuss Ewan McGregor with my friend Are, I spread my hands about three feet apart to indicate his massive... nude appearances on film. Well, his singing talent is even BIGGER. I need a new hobby.

* Meryl Streep - A PRAIRIE HOME COMPANION. She's also going to sing in MAMA MIA. Maybe this is just weird to me.

* Kate Winslet - Amazing voice. Beautiful. It's not fair. She's super-talented and beautiful and successful and gets to be in movies with my favorite actors. HOW MUCH MORE DO YOU GET?! MIND THROWING SOME CRUMBS TO THE STARVING MASSES, WINSLET?! HUH?! Kate Winslet for Governor.

Well, how's that for a long, pointless list? Shine on, you crazy diamonds,
- LV

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Alive

I just have nothing to say. Shocking, I know.

Will do a proper update later. It's hard to be funny or interesting when you're not really happy at all.

I'll think of something funny, and write it soon.
- LV

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200th Post

Oh, and...

* New movie review at The Fangirl Review. I think it's important for your life that you read it. Friends don't let friends watch crap.

* Edward Norton in suspenders is really, really hot. I mean, he's usually hot, but he somehow makes suspenders the most erotic accessory in the known universe. I'm talking about THE PAINTED VEIL, which was an excellent film with many good qualities, but which will be eternally remembered by me as the 'that sad movie with the OMFG suspenders and Norton's bare ass.' Because I am a shallow, shallow person.

* Did you know Sylvester Stallone was in the Woody Allen movie BANANAS? Well, I forgot, and now I will never forget again. Ever. I want it written on my tombstone. Under "Self-loathing Narcissist" and above, "I TOLD you I was sick."

- LV

PS I just realized this was my 200th post. GO ME. How should I celebrate? KEGGER.

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Rant Alert

I have a lot of other things I could write about, all of them far funnier or more interesting than this, but I am extremely annoyed at the moment and this is my damn blog, so I'm going to whine.

First of all, parents suck. All of them. All parents suck, at least to their own offspring. I can love my friend's parents, and they can love mine. But when it comes to the people who raised you, all you really want to do is set bits of their anatomy on fire.

As I've said before, it's really hard to live back at home after years of freedom. You have to adapt to the family dynamics, most of which have changed, and your parents have to come to terms with the fact that you're not the same person you were when you moved out. This is all natural, and all to be expected.

But this passive-aggressive manipulative bullshit is going to drive me into the looney bin where they serve soft food you can't hurt yourself on, and only pipe in the soothing sounds of Enya, lest you be gripped by a violent fit. You can't even read, because you might paper-cut your tongue in your mania. I'm rapidly heading down the road to this place.

I mean, I was gone all weekend visiting friends in the great city of Pittsburgh. I've been home since Monday night; how much anger can I inspire? A lot, apparently.

Study the following conversation:
Mom: What are you doing?
ElleVee: Reading.
M: Oh.
LV: Why? Do you need anything?
M: You don't have anything better to do than read?
LV: Like what?
M: Oh, nothing. Nothing at all.

Because you see, nobody can just tell me what they'd like me to do. I should just intrinsically know, by osmosis. Instead, I end up sitting there, bewildered, while my mom fumes about my inability to understand why she's angry. Then I get angry because she's angry. Then my brother sells my stuff to our neighbors (no joke), and I get yelled at for screaming at him.

Woo. Rage much? OK, next entry will be full of laughter and joy and pithy wisdom, and we'll all dance under a chocolate rainbow. Or something to that effect.

And Pittsburgh is awesome. Viva Pittsburgh. More on that next time, too.
- LV

PS If I do go crazy and start slaughtering people randomly, please don't mention this blog to the authorities, as it would probably not help my defense.
PPSS I'm kidding. HONEST. I'm kidding. Verbal violence is all I go in for.

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Today Elle Learned...

Technology (read: Facebook) sucks. Because people you've avoided for months learn about your life, and call you and it's awful and awkward. So Facebook is on my shitlist, and phones. And pretty much most things that aren't cigarettes and my bed.

But I will persist, because the alternative is basically crying under the bed, and it's dusty under there.
- LV

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My Business Is Done!

Just some notes:

* Finally downloaded my entire iTunes library to hard drive, and burned every CD I own (except a few incredibly awful CDs I refuse to admit ever purchasing) (and why do I have so many Punk-O-Ramas?). I have 8,416 songs. I wants more. Music is good.

* My family got a dog. After my first dog died last winter, we finally got a new one for my little brother (and, since I'm moving home, like, now, me). He's a one year old pure white Australian Shepherd/Labrador mix. I got to name him, so his name is Hunter S. Thompson. Yes, it does say that on his adoption papers, and we only use his first name... well, my mom uses his full name when he's chewing on stuff. He's very sweet. He was abused, though, so we're trying to make him as relaxed as possible. My dad loves him, mainly because he's housebroken.

* As stated before, I'm moving home, like, now. As in, we're going on Friday to get most of my stuff, and I'll be officially out by June 15th. It's weird. I'm relieved I'll no longer be living in constant fear of animals crawling on me, but I'm going to miss New York, and my freedom.

* Job interview tomorrow with a company in Jersey I have no interest in working for. But I figure if I get the job and work for a few months, I can get the hell out of Dodge.

* Moving home after living away for four years SUCKS. Like, really sucks. Nobody told me how much this would suck. And not having your own car when you live in an area that can only be traversed in a vehicle? Painful. Physically painful.

* The Wii FIt is the greatest invention since sliced bread. Worship and fear it.

* I can't decide if moving home to live in my parent's basement is a tragic cliche, or an ironic post-modern statement, and frankly I'd rather it be neither.
- LV

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Another Watchmen Comment

Whatever happens in the rest of the movie, however they might manage to fuck up this film, Jackie Earle Haley is going to be an amazing Rorschach. I'm watching LITTLE CHILDREN, and he's simultaneously tragic and terrifying. I both feel badly for him, and want him to stay far away from me for the rest of my life

That being said, Rorschach is one of my all-time favorite fictional characters, and I will be seriously cranky if he is not represented correctly. Like, violently cranky. Irked, even. But watching this movie, at least Haley is physically perfect for the role. Now all that remains is to see if he can do The Voice...

Still downloading songs. Up to 6,937.
- LV

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