Life After College: Myths Busted

I had a certain idea of what my life would be like after college. I must admit, I had some preconceived notions on what the world would look like, once I had finished my academic career. Clearly, I am an idiot.So, for those of you who have also just graduated, or those of you still trying to escape the educational system, here are a few myths about post-college life that, sadly, are just that.* You will be a different person after graduation. You will not wake up the next morning smarter, or wiser, or calmer. Your skin will not have cleared up, and you will not have grown [I was particularly devastated by that last one]. You will not feel any more like an adult than you did the day before. The other day, I was mistaken for a fifteen year-old. I did have my hair in pigtails, and I am short, but still. Fifteen. Jesus.* Your parents will treat you like an adult. OK, I know this was naive. But I dared to hope. I did. I dared. That hope was shattered several times in the next few days, as my father gave me a noogie, my mother nagged me about my hair and makeup and clothing, and both began to lecture me on my use of foul language. Also, my mother will still lick her finger to wipe excess makeup off my face. I don't know if this is just her, but I figured it would be fair warning.* Life gets more exciting. Unless you have a job immediately lined up, you will probably spend a few days mooching around the house/apartment/jail cell/dorm, wondering how to waste your time. This is especially true if your friends have all defaulted to their home states for the summer, the bastards. On the plus side, you'll have some time to catch up on your reading and movie-watching. * You will command respect from your siblings. My younger brother still calls me 'sugar plum,' and yanks on my hair. I still tell him that in the impending zombie invasion, he will not survive. Then we start hitting each other. He's nine. I'm twenty-one. Actually, this may be more a statement on my maturity than anything else. Moving on.* Anything will be different at all. You don't have to worry about grades, or professors, or missing classes - all good things. But you do have to worry about rent, jobs, apartment hunting, career choices, health insurance, groceries, raises, office politics, and the direction your life is heading - if you haven't already.So what have we learned? That graduating from college is anticlimatic at best. At worst, it's an extension of a bad summer vacation, sans the vacation time.I tend to get rather negative when I spend more than two days in New Jersey. I need to get back into the city, but I'm reluctant to return to the craziness of my roommate. On the other hand, any more time being harassed by my mother, and I'll be spending the rest of the summer in a padded cell, beating my head against the wall in time to Avril Lavigne songs.That actually sounds kind of fun.'They said the Irish discovered civilization, then had a couple of Guinness and forgot where they fucking put it.'- ROBIN WILLIAMS

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