Well At Least That Explains Why I Walked In On You Dancin' Around In That Laura Bush Mask Yesterday.

Blog
* Or DOES IT? Title is from True Blood.

Girly Shit
* This does not bode well. John Malkovich is making his own clothing line. First of all, Why? I mean, yes he wears clothes quite frequently, but otherwise John Malkovich isn't someone I'd associate with fashion. The man can wear a suit and all, but... really? Wait, this is his SECOND clothing line? And the new one is called Technobohemian? What is GOING ON? Someone send Cameron Diaz back into his head for further investigation. Because... I just don't get it. If my boyfriend was wearing anything by John Malkovich, I would pause. Also, why isn't he making something really weird? He's John goddamn Malkovich? He should be making filing cabinets with pictures of his thighs, for example. I don't know where that example came from.

Music
* Lady Gaga was in Maxim:

[Found at TheHollywoodGossip]
She looks great, and her tattoos are awesome, but I kind of wish she was wearing a muppet-themed outfit. Screw with their heads, Miss Gaga!

Technology
* It's a wee little counter that tells you how much your passengers should pay when you give them a ride in your car. This would be great as a subtle hint for my grandmother, who insists on me escorting her around in my car whenever she visits. 'Grandma, I love you and cherish our time together. But gas, grass, or ass, nobody rides for free. And I really don't want the last two from you. Look, I don't make the rules! It's technology:

[Found at DVICE]
Of course, it's in Japanese yen, and I have enough trouble remembering how much shit costs here, so I'd be lazy and just demand $1000 for a ten minute drive. Then the screaming would start.

Watchmen
* Naturally, I saw this thanks to Puina, who MADE it, which is even more mind-boggling than just FINDING it. HOW DOES SHE DO THESE THINGS?:

HOW she doesn't run her own country is a freaking mystery to me. Although then she'd have less time to kick ass on the internet, so I'm going to shut up now.

* World Peace Through Jackie Earle Haley. If you don't click that link and listen to the podcast, you HATE world peace. And that's just SICK.

Tattoo Of Win
* For those people who think I don't post things that upset/alarm/disgust me, I present this tattoo:

[Found at LOLTATZ]
I don't know you, but I think I hate you. Yes, I still like Green Day. Leave me alone. I'm very sleepy.

Food
* NASA invented some shitty Gatorade-type drink:

[Found at CrunchGear]
Now, someone at NASA fucked up meters versus feet, and destroyed a multi-million dollar space thing. I'm not drinking ANYTHING they're involved with. Also, I am not an elite athlete. I'm not even an athlete. Moving is highly overrated. I drink fluids because I'm thirsty, not because I ran five miles. Thirsty from watching Torchwood and crying, or True Blood and drooling. THOSE are my exercises. And yelling. Lots of yelling.

Daily Hot Guy

[Tom Felton, who plays Draco Malfoy in the Harry Potter series. Dude GREW UP. DAMN.]

Words of Win

[Found at PassiveAggressiveNotes]

Books
* This is true:

see more Funny Graphs
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go cry and drink until I can't feel feelings, or my lungs.

Harry Potter
* So, I saw Twilight last night:

see more Lol Celebs
Yeah. It WAS that bad. Although Peter Facinelli is banging hot. And there was one sexy moment. BUT THAT WAS NOT ENOUGH. NOT ENOUGH AT ALL. I NEED TO SOAK MY BRAIN IN TEQUILA AND JACKIE EARLE HALEY'S ARMS. Sorry. I promised I wouldn't do this. I respect other people's taste and opinion. Even when they suck.

Star Trek

[Found at ONTD_StarTrek]
I love macros. And you KNOW this is canon. More here. Including Serenity ones!

Doctor Who
* Oh, look, someone who died on Doctor Who is COMING BACK AND FINE. Is THAT dishonoring the character, Russell T. Davies? IS THAT UNDERMINING THE GREAT DEATH SCENE? I'M NOT YELLING. NOT YELLING AT ALL. I'M NOT UPSET. WHY DON'T YOU KILL THE DOCTOR, AND WE CAN SPEND AN HOUR EACH WEEK STARING AT THE VAST EMPTINESS OF SPACE, YOU MEAN LITTLE MAN?

....I forgot what I was yelling about. If Ianto was in this, I would be dead from the happies. DEAD I SAYS. Give thanks to BossMew, who found a link that didn't require technological knowledge to share, and Larissa, who showed me the original. If they joined forces, they could destroy MOUNTAINS. But they wouldn't. That would be RUDE.

People I Love
* I would marry David Cross.

The Pre-Taped Call-in Show from Mr. Show - watch more funny videos

You would, too. POLYGAMY WIN!

Why does coffee not love me as I love it? I will drink it until I win its affections.
- LV

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I Wanna Lick Your Mind!

Blog
* I know it's meant as a compliment, but... that can't be sanitary. Title is from True Blood, WHICH I MISSED THIS WEEK, and need to watch on HBO On Demand, because apparently there was a foppish 1920s vampire.

Tattoo Of Win
* This tattoo is so gross I don't want to post it on my blog. But I will post the link, because that way it's not MY responsibility if you click it. But really. This is NSFW. It is Not Safe For Anything. I just.... It skeeves me. But it's definitely a Win, because if I met someone with this tattoo I would never be able to look at them again.

Food
* Germany found cocaine in Red Bull. Trace amounts. Which completely explains my attitude during my senior year of college. I was writing a paper about Red Bull, so I thought it would be edgy and post-modern to write a paper on Red Bull while drinking nothing BUT Red Bull. Unfortunately this resulted in me crying for no reason, screaming at things that weren't there, shaking, and developing a twitch. I was a wreck. They have this little car with a giant Red Bull can on it, in New York, for promotional purposes? I tried to chase it down the street. Point is, it would be much less humiliating to have to say, 'I was secretly addicted to cocaine,' instead of, 'I drank too much sugar free Red Bull and my brain cells committed suicide.
And for those who say Red Bull isn't a food? It is when you're in college. It's AMBROSIA when you're in college. I'm so glad I switched to coffee.

Words Of Win

[Found at CoolHunting]

Hunter S. Thompson
* If you read one website, read this one, obviously.
If you listen to one podcast, listen to this one.
If you read one website about Hunter S. Thompson... still read mine. But this one, too, because it's got lots of goodies. Including a petition to get Fear and Loathing: On The Campaign Trail '72 into the Modern Library, because it's one of the greatest books ever written, and what this blog is named after (NOT Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, although I love that book as well). So go sign the petition, or the god of Journalism will rise from the dead and show you images of dogs fucking the pope until your eyes rupture. He does these things. Not my fault.

Books
* My word! Is that the smell of bullshit? Yes, yes it is! Ah, the robust odor of pretension, with... yes... just a smack of ignorance! This person took people's SAT scores from Facebook, and books they listed as their favorites, averaged them out, and determined which books smart people read vs. dumb people.

[Found at SociologicalImages]
Now, I could spend literally HOURS screaming about this. I'm tempted to. Only I have work and a life, and screaming for hours would be time-consuming, yes? So I'm going to point out the most unforgivable bits of bullshit:
- He's Just Not That Into You is smarter than Where The Red Fern Grows
- Angels and Demons is smarter than Lord of the Flies
- The Lovely Bones is smarter than A Tree Grows In Brooklyn (WHAT. THE. HELL. WHAT IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE EVER?)
- Not reading at all is smarter than Fahrenheit 451
- Life of Pi is smarter than The Catcher In The Rye
- The Da Vinci Code is smarter than Hamlet
Let's ignore the fact that arguing for which books make you 'smart' is ridiculous, as there is a drastic difference between reading a book in school and actually understand and enjoying it. I'm more horrified by the quality, and that your SAT scores determine your intelligence, and that generally speaking books I really find infuriating did so well on this, and that The Color Purple is apparently only the vestige of dumb people. That is MORONIC. Smart people can like stupid books, and awful, ignorant people can like good books. THIS IS NOT A VALID REPRESENTATION OF INTELLIGENCE. I hate this chart. It has ruined my morning. CHART FAIL. And HOW funny is it that not reading is considered 'smarter' than reading Fahrenheit 451? It's so funny! These are tears of laughter!

Harry Potter
* Here is an article on the homosexual undertones of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. It had to be done. But Alan Rickman does NOT look like a New Wave lesbian in a CAPE, and shame on you for insulting him SO. I don't really agree overall, and to be honest I was more interested in saying things like, 'Where the hell is Neville in this movie?' and 'Damn, Draco became a MAN. He's legal now, yes?'

Daily Hot Guy

[Zack Snyder, director of Dawn of the Dead, 300, and Watchmen, secret lover of Blu-Ray (show us the Dark Mark, ZACK) and disproving the theory that directors are not hot]

Star Trek



* Star Trek/Office Space macros. You're welcome.

Doctor Who
* I am still mad at Russell T. Davies, but I love both David Tennant and John Barrowman, and do not blame them for the sins of TV shows they happen to be in, or the EMOTIONAL RETARDATION OF CHARACTERS WHO CANNOT ADMIT THEIR LOVE TO PEOPLE THEY WILL NEVER SEE AGAIN. I'm fine, I'm back, it's all good. Anyway, my friend Larissa, who chose the 'I will wreck this place with my anger' attitude instead of my 'Crying in the corner and naming everything in the house Ianto and drinking' attitude, because she's more mature than I am, sent me this clip:
DAMMIT. EPIC FAIL OF INTERNET. FINE, ONLY ME AND LARISSA GET TO SEE THE HOTNESS. HAHAHA.

I need to go to work now.
- LV

PS If you don't listen to World Peace Through Jackie Earle Haley, the best podcast ever, I'll expose your horrible secret. I KNOW WHAT YOU DID. Also, it's incredibly funny.

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This Is A Pie Shop, Not An Herbal Crack Den.

Blog
* Who needs drugs when you have pie? Title is from Pushing Daisies.

Podcast
* If you read my blog, there's a good chance you like Watchmen, and Jackie Earle Haley, and ALL THINGS GLORIOUS. Ergo, you should listen to this podcast: World Peace Through Jackie Earle Haley. It's a podcast for the fans, by the fans. And it's insightful and hilarious. Puina is the mastermind behind it, and the gorgeous website that I would hug if it were a person. I've tried to hug it even though it's not a person, but listening is much better.

We've started off talking about Watchmen, because all things begin and end with Watchmen, but over time we'll be covering films from Jackie Earle Haley's career, and looking at new releases (including A Nightmare On Elm Street, Shutter Island, and Human Target)

The cast includes DanceswithElvis, eringoblah, serena_eliza, miss_bushido, youquit, and me. They are epic in their win, and I am so lucky to count myself among them on this podcast. These are intelligent and insightful fans who just happen to have a weak spot for sugar-chewing vigilantes and the actors who play them.

It's a lot of fun. Go take a listen. Then tell all your friends. If you don't have friends, FIND friends, solely to get them to listen to this podcast. It's that much fun. Because, really, who DOESN'T need more Jackie Earle Haley in their lives?



I think I've made my point.
- LV

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There Is No Justice There Is Just Us

Blog
* Depending on how you look at it, that's really comforting or deeply, DEEPLY disturbing. Title is from Reaper Man by Terry Pratchett.

Movie!Win
* I was going to file the remake of Dorian Gray under Movie!Fail, because Oscar Wilde remakes have to legally include Rupert Everett before his face melted, and just on basic principle. Then I saw that Prince 'I Am So Sexy' Caspian from The Chronicles of Narnia was playing Dorian, and I stopped caring about things like plot or acting. Also it has Colin Firth. Mainly, though, sexy British dudes being scandalous and inappropriate. I am THERE:


Vampire
* This article, written by the wonderfully talented Dan Faust (who, when he takes over the world, has promised me an army of fedora-wearing monkeys) PROVES that modern vampires suck. They are supposed to be SCARY, not Angsty Teenage Pretties of Angsty Gloomy Angst. Even Angel occasionally went batshit and killed everyone, for fun.

Russell Brand
* Here is a video of Russell Brand talking about birds. They could live in his hair nest of sexy. Incidentally, Rorschach is alive and well and living in Alan Moore's beard. TRUE.

Sherlock Holmes
* So the new Sherlock Holmes movie will not be steampunk. Which is disappointing, as I love steampunk. But, as I just told my friend, 'So long as he boxes shirtless and is a rapscallion, I don't really care WHAT the movie is about. Like I said, I am SHALLOW.

Jackie Earle Haley
* It is hard for me to talk about the new Nightmare On Elm Street movie without being reduced to fangirl squees. This isn't helping:

[Found at Collider]
It's like porn for sick people. He's even got the Christmas sweater. AND A FEDORA. I'm fine. I'm fine. I also heard that Mr. Haley is all sorts of genius in the trailer for the movie. As if he could be otherwise. So yes. There is much excitement. Wow, I'm proud. I got through that fairly calmly. Success in our time!

Whedonverse
* So, this weekend, I was the last person on Earth to discover Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. I know, I am a mass of failure. I apologize for letting you all down so very much. BUT I LOVED IT. And Neil Patrick Harris is going to join the pantheon of Daily Hot Guys. And I think if Jackie Earle Haley had shown up as a villain, I'd be dead now from the happy. AND JOSS WHEDON SAYS THERE WILL BE A COMIC. Although the singing won't work as well. Unless it comes with a soundtrack. Or an audio book. All of which I'd buy.
There will also be a Shepherd Book comic, which I'm less excited about. I LIKED the mystery about him on Firefly. I LIKE that we never learned his past, because he was MYSTERIOUS. So I'm worried that whatever his back story is, it won't be as good as what's going on in my head. Also, Book is one of the characters that Proves My Theory. Just saying.

Daily Hot Guy

[Christopher Eccleston, who proved my theory that If I Love A Character, They Will Die Horribly, not once but TWICE: In Cracker and in Doctor Who (regeneration counts as dying if I CRY) Oh, OH and he ran away like an invisible weasel in Heroes, but that may have been due to Peter Petrelli's AWFUL hair]

Iron Man
* Click here for some pictures from Iron Man 2. Robert Downey Jr.'s facial hair is pornographic. And the ANGST. The angsty angst. But where is Sam Rockwell? Will he slither in and be all skeevy and delightful? Like Charlie's Angels, where he was my favorite part (except for Crispin 'I am frightening AND arousing' Glover, or Matchstick Men, which was the best movie you haven't seen (besides of course Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, which featured - aha! - Robert Downey, Jr. SEE HOW CONNECTED EVERYTHING IS?) but at least Don Cheadle is there and looks good in a suit.

Animals
* I don't know what is worse: That this thing freaking exists and can be bought, for money. (It is RIDICULOUS AND STUPID. No hamster needs this. No ANIMAL needs this):

[Found at LikeCool]
Or that I really want to buy one in blue, and a hamster, and name it Ianto, and pamper it and smother it with love, until it inevitably dies, as hamsters are wont to do, and I will hold its little body and scream, 'NOOOOOOO!' up at the heavens, and my friends and family will back away slowly, and my therapy bills will be just ASTRONOMICAL. Who wants to go to the pet store?

Apocalypse How?
* Happy Monday, we're all going to die!
So this dude he had the hiccups, right? They're totally annoying. And he's 25 and a musician, so they're SUPER annoying. But instead of going away, they continued on and on. For two years. Constantly. And he had no idea why, but it probably ruined his social life, because after a while you don't want to be NEAR someone with hiccups. He tried everything, but they wouldn't go away. Then he finally said, 'Screw it, I'm off to the doctor to deal with these sodding hiccups,' So he went, and it turned out that it was good news bad news: Good news, we think we know why you have permanent hiccups. Bad news, it's a brain tumor. So hiccups, sleep, and soda can kill you, and we're all doomed forever, the end.

TwiHate
* This was sent to be my reader and personal guru GeohMetro. Ge Oh's a genius and has an ass-kicking blog, so it would be terribly rude of me not to post this. I take no pleasure in doing it:

BAHAHA- I mean, terrible. A poo joke? How inappropriate. And tasteless. Like everything Stephenie Meyers writes ZING.

OK, stuff now.
- LV

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Marie Antoinette Had Balls Worthy of a Moxie Fashionista

Marie Antionette. We have all heard of her. She was a fashion icon not just from her life in France from 1770-1793 but beyond her day. She denied protocal- screw it! She wore what she wanted, appeasing only when nessassary and boy did she strut her fashion! Moxie Fashionista hello!

About Marie Antionette's Fashion and the fashion in Sofia Coppola's Marie Antionette:

As Queen of France, Marie Antoinette attracted enough public loathing to ensure the French monarchy's downfall. That loathing, as Caroline Weber points out in Queen of Fashion: What Marie Antoinette Wore to the Revolution, was largely focused on the queen's clothes. This book's theme is the way young Queen Marie Antoinette took up pointed, disturbing fashions to give herself a visible autonomy and personal force that tradition didn't provide.

~French queens had no political role, could never inherit the throne or exercise royal power, and this future queen had arrived at Versailles politically ignorant and inept. She found the court riven with faction, she had few reliable supporters of her own, and her distant imperial mother's advice soon proved useless. Marie Antoinette might well have felt that her personal style was all she could manipulate.

Marie had her first child only after eight and a half fruitless years; and after four of them, the new queen began to focus her creative energy on clothes.

~Marie Antionette didn't invent fashions. She promoted radical new ones through her public persona, in the modern, celebrity-culture way—and that's why we like her today, instead of automatically despising her as the last century did. Sofia Coppola's film reflects our present sympathy for an eager-to-please teenager's fashion-addictive responses to unbearable demands, especially when cut off from family love—and we, of course, are safely cut off from the assumptions governing the upbringing of 18th-century royal children.

Marie Antoinette's mother, Austrian Empress Maria Theresa, had destined her for this marriage from birth, grooming her appearance and behavior for all levels of French scrutiny. While commoners hailed her angelic blond looks as an augury of better times, the court delighted in her fine grasp of the French tongue, French manners, and Bourbon history. But the empress may have had an unsubtle sense of current French style. Paris had long since ruled European fashion, regularly sending elegant fashion dolls as models to foreign capitals, including the Vienna of Archduchess Marie Antoinette's childhood. The little girl was always dressed accordingly.

Weber describes a painting of an imperial family group showing the nonmarriageable oldest daughter plainly dressed, while the future dauphine and her toy fashion doll have on the same formal French dress with a train.
The empress may not have realized that in teeming Paris, avant-garde fashion then went along with refined sexual license, class intermingling, and free political talk, whereas fashion at Versailles remained chiefly an important aspect of court etiquette. Marie Antoinette's first experience of the difference occurred halfway through her journey from home, at the ceremony called remise, or handover.

In a small pavilion situated between French and Austrian soil, a troupe of French ladies stripped the girl naked, while French and Austrian diplomats watched. Then they replaced every atom of the Paris-inspired finery she had worn out of Austria with similar garments and adornments made in France, symbolically transforming her from an Austrian imperial archduchess into a French royal princess with completely new allegiances.

The dauphine found that her court duties demanded unfashionably heavy dresses supported by old-style, extra-long, extra-rigid corsets, accompanied by thick rouge and stiff curls. These items were ritually applied every day by a phalanx of noblewomen, while lesser court ladies watched; and, at night, the whole process was reversed. She rebelled, soon and permanently, risking her mother's anger, the court's disfavor, eventually the people's scorn, and her own neck.

Once Queen, Marie steadily ordered the newest looks from Rose Bertin, the leading Paris couturiere—among them the provocative "robe a la polonaise," with its bosom-enhancing bodice and its billowy, ankle-baring skirts, the whole crowned by a "pouf," a 3-foot mountain of powdered hair decked with plumes, veils, and other objects arranged as saucy references to current events. All this and more she wore at court and in town, with swiftly contagious effect; and Bertin became known as the Minister of Fashion.

Marie Antoinette was an enchantress, effortlessly wearing the wildest fashions with the utter conviction of a star. The fashion she followed was moreover the new commercial mode of the larger society, not the old hermetic style of courtiers using their rich garb to reflect the Sun King's glory. It was soon obvious that her expensive modern glamour was enhancing only herself, not the monarchy.

It hadn't occurred to Empress Maria Theresa that by training her pliable daughter from age 3 to sit, stand, walk, and bow gracefully—and dance divinely—wearing tight stays, long trains, and wide skirts with all eyes upon her, she was giving her the tools of self-creation and self-possession wholly in terms of striking costume and polished movement, as if preparing her for professional ballet or competitive ice-skating.

Marie began clothing and wielding her body to attract the forms of respect she understood: wonder and delight, shock and awe, the sincere flattery of imitation.

The dauphine's sartorial boldness emerged early, and drew swift disapproval. She went riding astride with her husband's grandfather, the libertine Louis XV, wearing a man-tailored habit with breeches; and she even wore the shocking outfit for an equestrian portrait, modeled on one of Louis XIV. After that, the flavor of forbidden sexual adventure, and of poaching on royal male preserves, tainted her reputation and never disappeared.

~Marie flouted court etiquette when she drove off her noble dressers, sacrilegiously inviting plebeian Bertin (even plebeian Leonard, the chic male hairdresser) daily into her private apartments to clothe, coif, and advise her behind closed doors.

~She offended French patriots when she adopted Anglophile fashions and spent her time with congenial foreign nobility. At the Petit Trianon—a small palace with its own grounds that served as Marie Antoinette's personal retreat—she introduced thin muslin chemises with sashes, linen caps, or straw hats above lightly powdered fluffy hair, no jewelry. This casual look, worn by countless European ladies, seemed shameless on the French queen, who (naturally) had her portrait painted in it. Her little palace was closed to the public, and her total privacy there (conspiratorial? sexual?) made a scandal of the queen's flimsy foreign clothes and foreign friends.

~Most shocking in Queen Marie Antoinette was her extravagance, well-documented in the yearly records of her clothing expenses, in dressmakers' accounts, and in memoirs saying that the queen wore nothing twice. Worse was the expensive toy farm she built at the Petit Trianon, complete with livestock and crops, where her friends played at being milkmaids and shepherdesses. It's still considered her chief crime, but the queen had no sense of its effect.

The French treasury was depleted, the deficit increasing, the people protesting against unbearable taxes and shortages, but Marie Antoinette, never taught to consider the people's troubles, had no clue.

While fashion plates wore her face, pamphlets and pornography made her a monster—dissolute Messalina, lesbian predator, traitorous conspirator, snake-haired Medusa, harpy with claws, vampire in foreign muslin spending state millions to mock local rustics, wasting pounds of flour on her hair while the people starved for bread. Once angelic, Marie Antoinette was now plotting with hostile powers, including Lucifer, to undermine the well-being of France.

When the Revolution exploded and prevailed, she instinctively abandoned new trends. Nervous burghers and nobles, even the king, sported Republican tricolor cockades with modishly simple tricolor outfits. But the queen's cockade was Bourbon white, her rich new dresses were purple and gold, and she got out her diamonds. Everyone could see that Marie Antoinette had no politics, only blind faith in royal privilege. Her fate, more firmly than the accommodating king's, was sealed when the Bastille fell.

~The modest "Republican" dresses worn by most women in the early 1790s resembled those Marie Antoinette had introduced as avant-garde among aristocrats in the early 1780s, as though the queen personally influenced even the fashion of her enemies.

~Fashion runs under its own power, compelled toward desirable new forms. In fact, thin white chemises came into fashion everywhere in Europe around 1780 and stayed for nearly 40 years, no matter who was attaching what significance to them. This probably had more to do with the invention of chlorine bleach in 1774 than with anyone's fashion influence.

~Queen Marie Antionette's solitary imprisonment after the king's execution. Visible to curious onlookers, Marie Antoinette wore her one increasingly stained and frayed black mourning ensemble day and night for two long months, even though her daughter had sent her some other clothes. At her trial, its tattered blackness aroused considerable sympathy, and she was forbidden to wear it to her execution—no public mourning for the tyrant.

~Marie Antoinette rode to her death wearing a brand-new white chemise she had secretly saved, a pretty white fichu around her shoulders, and a pleated white cap on her prematurely white hair (she was two weeks short of 38), while thousands of dazzled citizens watched in stunned silence. The queen showed her unquenchable talent for inspired public display in all her last costumes, a sign of her true self-possession.

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You're Miserable Edgy & Tired. You're In The Perfect Mood For Journalism.

Blog
* if that's true, I am the world's perfect journalist. Title is from Transmetropolitan.

Life
* Me and Bloody Marys are separating for while. Heartburn and sodium bloat have taken the first blush off the romance.

* Skype is equal parts awesome and wholly exasperating.

Doctor Who
* Here's an article on the new Companion, and some info and such. No, I am not going to be all excited. I am UPSET with Russell T. Davies. You are NOT Joss Whedon, and anyway, he only killed off THE WHOLE FREAKING CAST OF ANGEL when the show was CANCELLED, and I was STILL upset. What are you going to do next? Have the Doctor use up all his regenerations in one episode and ruin ANOTHER THING I LOVE? YOU ARE NOT A NICE NICE, Mr. Davies.

People I Love
* I DO, however, love James Franco. Not only was he part of the epic that was Freaks and Geeks (and no, nobody DIED per se, but it was CANCELLED), he was the best part of the Spider-Man movies, he was hot in Milk, Pineapple Express rocked, and in general I like him. So when they didn't want him to speak at the UCLA commencement, I was sad. Then I was delighted when the only person they could get instead was the guitarist from Linkin Park. That's KARMA, BABY. Stings, doesn't it? So here's the speech he WOULD have given, and I think we can all agree that it would have made the world a better place. I know I feel pure and enlightened now.

James Franco's Rejected UCLA Commencement Speech from James Franco

Movie!Fail
* Someone needs to have words with Robert Zemeckis. They don't all have to be mean words, but some of them will have to be quite strong. Polar Express was a scary, ugly movie, and Tom Hanks is NOT Santa Claus, no matter what he imagines when he's alone. Beowulf was kind of awesome, even if it was weird, and mainly because if I ever become an evil monster demon chick, I want to be all gold and shiny like Angelina Jolie. Also naked animated heinies are always funny.

But enough of this animation shit. Because A Christmas Carol looks like the animated, even worse version of Lemony Snicket's A Series Of Unfortunate Events, which is also too bad because I thought that film had potential. But Jim Carrey looks majorly creepy, and I don't want to see this, and also after A Muppet's Christmas Carol, do we really NEED another version? I'm not being sarcastic. Michael Caine was the motherfucking MAN as Ebeneezer Scrooge, and Tiny Tim was a hurt little frog, and I CRIED. Go watch it. Not this.

Here's the Italian poster. I don't know why it's in Italian. I wasn't at that meeting. TELL ME it doesn't look like Lemony Snicket. You can't, CAN YOU?

Depression Session
* I should rename this category. Because, really, I'm just being negative, aren't I? I'm totally overreacting. Because really it's totally OK that millions of people can't afford to feed their kids, as long as we all understand that this is a cultural CLEANSING. It's like a giant cultural ENEMA. Of bad culture. We'll all stop being fat and lazy and like American Idol and Gray's Anatomy, and go to the opera more regularly.
This is all bullshit, of course. As this article says, although it's inclined to be more forgiving. Personally I have an ENORMOUS issue with anyone who is willing to ignore human suffering for some vague cultural notion. SHIT, THE DUDE IS ADRIAN VEIDT. GET OUT OF THE MAJOR CITIES. HIDE YOUR BOYS FOLDER.

Daily Hot Guy

[David Beckham. He's a pretty boring DHG, but I forgive me for my lack of originality, because HOLY SHIT LOOK AT HIM. My eyes don't know where to START. Besides, I don't here any complaining. He and Jackie Earle Haley should do an underwear ad. Yeah, I said it. And it's GENIUS.

Jersey!Fail
* I wasn't going to mention this, because it is so freaking ridiculous. But I've gotten Emails, and it IS news, so I need to say something, yeah? Basically everyone in the northern part of my state was arrested on Thursday. For trafficking human body parts. Which were then served as barbecue to tourists heading to the Jersey Shore. I'm kidding about that last bit. Obviously we don't eat barbecue at the shore. But the human organs bit is true. And maybe someone ate them. YOU DON'T KNOW. In conclusion, my state can be pretty hilarious at times. I hope when they make the inevitable made for TV movie, they use the song 'Dead or Alive' by Bon Jovi. That would make me proud.

TeeVee
* The State is out on DVD. If you don't know this, you are a bad person, and can ONLY redeem yourself by buying it/renting it/sacrificing a younger sibling to the TeeVee gods. Also this is a valuable historical document as proof that, once upon a time, MTV showed things that didn't destroy your very will to live. The State is one of the best sketch shows ever, up there with Monty Python and A Bit of Fry and Laurie. Disagree? Go get a copy, and try not to love it. Give it your best shot. It's that good.

Journalism
* This is old, and at this point I'm hesitant to post anything related to Michael Jackson, because I feel like maybe the world needs a little break from stalking his corpse, just for a week or two, but it's weird enough that I want to post it. First off, I do not like Rush Limbaugh. I just don't. I don't think he speaks for the Republican party, I worry he undermines the people on the right who AREN'T awful and always screaming, and I seriously worry that he's going to eat Michael Steele, who doesn't deserve that. Also I think nearly everything he says is factually incorrect and not sane. These are just my opinions on him. I'm sitting here in my pajamas, so there's my credibility. But even if you like him, or don't dislike him as much as I do you do have to admit that this is sort of a weird parallel to draw between Michael Jackson and whoever was President at the time:

Is it just me, or is that weird? I just.... I don't understand. Wouldn't he have done BETTER under Bush? Green Day released one of their best albums under him. What about Jimmy Carter? Why is he ignored? And, I mean, Dylan just released a gorgeous album, and Obama is currently president, so.... Does this only apply to Michael Jackson? Why would he be linked to the presidents? Is it all an allegory? Because it's not a very good one. And it's much more fun to take it literally. Reagan WAS nice to Michael Jackson, wasn't he? I would give good money to have sat in on one of their conversations. I imagine it was not of this world.

Wow
* This is a slow-motion image of a bubble bursting:

[Found at UniqueDaily]
Imagine, this must be how Zack Snyder sees the world ALL THE TIME.

Geek Want
* These are crayon rings:

[Found at Neatorama]
Things I would do with them:
- Wear them to a party where someone I hated was wearing white, then casually draw a brown line down their back.
- Use them as a brass knuckle that would MARK my attacker.
- Quickly touch up my eyeshadow while on the run.
- Sign my name on very important contracts.
- Become a modern artist.

Politics
* I am fairly indifferent to Rudy Giuliani when he is not running for the Presidential nomination, because he reminds me of the titular character in Leprechaun, and also he married his cousin, which is TRUE. LOOK IT UP. But generally speaking, he's fine. He doesn't make me insane with anger, nor do I love him. He can exist, if he must. Here he is talking about health care.

This is more entertaining because of what Wonkette said about him. They really hate him there, apparently. But remember: James Woods played him in a made-for-TV movie, so he can't be ALL BAD. I like James Woods. Remember that episode of Family Guy where he and Peter Griffin switched identities? Good times.

Awesome
* A reader found this shirt, for our club of Anger:

You can apply to join, but our requirements are quite stringent, and the club fees are not cheap. You get special consideration if you didn't get to go to Comic-Con.

Probably not more later, because I have stuff to do today. I AM BUSY. And NOT at Comic-Con. If you went, and have pictures or stories, Email them to me at elle.veev@gmail.com I will post them, and cry bitter tears of jealousy. It will be grand.
- LV

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