Insert Clever Title

On Friday I'm going to a comic signing with my friends Aye and Kaye. Garth Ennis will be there. And I will be there. We will be breathing the same air. Also, the co-creator of Transmetropolitan will be there, although I'm currently having a brain-fart and can't remember his name. Now, if Warren Ellis was going to be there, I'd be rushing out to get a Spider Jerusalem tattoo. Or not. I dislike pain. And needles. And strangers.I'm reading Howard Zinn's, Voices Of A Peope's History of the United States. Current thoughts? Politically, we're in the same situation we were during the civil war. Only I like Abraham Lincoln a lot more than George W. Bush. I mean, one helped to end slavery. The other choked on a pretzel. Yes, I'm oversimplifying. But it's OK, because I'm funny. Yeah, I'm still in New Jersey. I've been very busy sleeping, reading, and arguing with my mother over whether or not I'm allowd to say 'fuck' in the house. I yell a lot about freedom of speech and the press. Doesn't work.I watched House with my mom last night. And I noticed something: there are like NO shows that feature brilliant, eccentric women, unless they're treated as a joke. That's kind of depressing. On the plus side, House is a dick and I love him.And I'm sure I'll regret this later, but I actually think the new Fantastic Four: Rise Of The Silver Surfer movie looks kind of entertaining. I didn't say good.Here are some life lessons my friends and I have imparted on each other through the years. May they help you in your journeys.* People make stains.* In the Financial District, nobody can hear you scream.* Food should not glow in the dark.* Armpit hair is like the softest hair on the body.* Stepping in another person's saliva is NEVER lucky.* If you know what a fluffer is before you're fourteen, you never had a childhood.I'm watching Spongebob Squarepants at the moment. My brain cells are dying on mass. It's like a mental genocide.'Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the Coalition of the Willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain.'- Jon Stewart

moreless

Life After College: Myths Busted

I had a certain idea of what my life would be like after college. I must admit, I had some preconceived notions on what the world would look like, once I had finished my academic career. Clearly, I am an idiot.So, for those of you who have also just graduated, or those of you still trying to escape the educational system, here are a few myths about post-college life that, sadly, are just that.* You will be a different person after graduation. You will not wake up the next morning smarter, or wiser, or calmer. Your skin will not have cleared up, and you will not have grown [I was particularly devastated by that last one]. You will not feel any more like an adult than you did the day before. The other day, I was mistaken for a fifteen year-old. I did have my hair in pigtails, and I am short, but still. Fifteen. Jesus.* Your parents will treat you like an adult. OK, I know this was naive. But I dared to hope. I did. I dared. That hope was shattered several times in the next few days, as my father gave me a noogie, my mother nagged me about my hair and makeup and clothing, and both began to lecture me on my use of foul language. Also, my mother will still lick her finger to wipe excess makeup off my face. I don't know if this is just her, but I figured it would be fair warning.* Life gets more exciting. Unless you have a job immediately lined up, you will probably spend a few days mooching around the house/apartment/jail cell/dorm, wondering how to waste your time. This is especially true if your friends have all defaulted to their home states for the summer, the bastards. On the plus side, you'll have some time to catch up on your reading and movie-watching. * You will command respect from your siblings. My younger brother still calls me 'sugar plum,' and yanks on my hair. I still tell him that in the impending zombie invasion, he will not survive. Then we start hitting each other. He's nine. I'm twenty-one. Actually, this may be more a statement on my maturity than anything else. Moving on.* Anything will be different at all. You don't have to worry about grades, or professors, or missing classes - all good things. But you do have to worry about rent, jobs, apartment hunting, career choices, health insurance, groceries, raises, office politics, and the direction your life is heading - if you haven't already.So what have we learned? That graduating from college is anticlimatic at best. At worst, it's an extension of a bad summer vacation, sans the vacation time.I tend to get rather negative when I spend more than two days in New Jersey. I need to get back into the city, but I'm reluctant to return to the craziness of my roommate. On the other hand, any more time being harassed by my mother, and I'll be spending the rest of the summer in a padded cell, beating my head against the wall in time to Avril Lavigne songs.That actually sounds kind of fun.'They said the Irish discovered civilization, then had a couple of Guinness and forgot where they fucking put it.'- ROBIN WILLIAMS

moreless

In Brief

Roger Waters ConcertFantastic show. Pink Floyd was never one of my favorite bands, but I seriously would have to be a moron to miss out on a chance to see their songs performed live. And it was worth it. They played all three of my favorite songs [Another Brick In The Wall, Wish You Were Here, and Have A Cigar]. I didn't expect it to be so political. Roger Waters does NOT like Bush. The visuals were mind-blowing. They had the prism from Dark Side Of The Moon, and a pig float and a spaceman float. I can't really describe it - partly because I spent about a third of the concert staring psychotically at the very cute stoned boy standing next to me. Yes, I AM that shallow and easily distracted.PaprikaMy friend dragged me to this anime film, and I'm truly glad she did. Despite the fact that I am a movie junkie, I know almost nothing about anime. I always figure it's big-breasted cartoon characters being molested by monsters with tentacles. Not so. The graphics were stunning, and the story, while confusing, was complex and the characters were endearing. I'll see more anime films - as long as there are no tentacles. Unless the tentacles are funny.Pirates Of The Caribbean: At World's EndHonestly, much better than I expected. Certainly better than the second one. And Johnny Depp had no shirt on for part of the film which, if you think about it, is a fairly rare occurrance. I was very happy. Because my hormones rule me, apparently.But the best part was the weird conglomeration of actors in this movie. Geoffrey Rush and Johnny Depp yelling over who gets to run the boat? Stellen Skaarsgard and Bill Nighy growing starfish? Chow Yun Fat lecturing Keira Knightley? We got it. And seriously, Keith Richards' cameo as Depp's dad was, despite being ridiculously hyped, not overdone at all. It was a nice moment. He looked like a rock star of days gone by. He was probably around back then. See? A timely and witty joke about modern pop culture!And the ending was very satisfying. Stick around after the credits - that's all I'll say. Although I would prefer this to be the final one. The trilogy ended on a not-sucky note. Let's not draw it out. Please. For the sake of my well-being. And your own self-respect.Penn StationThe people assigned to work there were assholes, and I nearly cried in a corner while giving people paper cuts with my ticket. Instead, I tried to keep my panic attack under some modicum of control. They sent me to the wrong place, where I nearly got on the Long Island Railroad; they yelled at me when I asked what track I was on. We missed the first train; the second was delayed by twenty minutes. Finally, a police officer gave us the right directions, and I nearly hugged him. Panna IIIndian restaurant located at 93 1st Avenue on curry row. Ask for Babu; he gave me and my friend free soup, samosas, ice cream, and naan. The food is delicious, and the lights hanging from the ceiling are trippy. But remember: at the top of the stairs, make a LEFT. The restaurant on the right is not so friendly. And one more warning: if you are female, Babu may hug you, kiss you, or give you his phone number. He's only trying to drum up business, but still. Right now I'm once again stuck in Jersey, where it is hot and boring and I am unable to smoke because my younger brother will chase me around the house howling. And frankly, I have no need for such trauma.General crankiness in New Jersey today. Nobody is in a particularly good mood. I want to be left alone to finish read The Phantom Of The Opera, and ponder the adventures of Captain Jack Sparrow. Incidentally, it's a very good book. I had a dream about zombies the other night. They won the epic battle, and I spent the entire night trying to escape them by hiding under a pile of pillows. Apparently my visions of being a fierce zombie slayer aren't entirely accurate - even in my dreams.'Cable cars are fun. Everyone gets on board and becomes a rhesus monkey. No one talks on a cable car, they just hang and stare And the guy in the front, with no steering wheel, going, 'What the fuck? What the fuck's this one do?' Pulling levers, levers. Is it four levers that just do fuck all? That it? He's always ringing that bell, going, 'Help! Help!' Endless bell ringing! What is he, the Hunchback of Notre Dame? The bell - him and the guy from the stock market are the same person, I think. At the end of the stock market, they ring a bell. It's the same bell. Oh, yes. Never link those two together again.'- Eddie Izzard

moreless

So Much For Productivity

There is nothing quite like sitting around with a few friends while stoned/drunk/both, and laughing hysterically at something none of you can remember. There is also nothing like sitting on a roof in New York City in the morning, drinking coffee and beer and smoking cigarettes with aforementioned friends. Or maybe there is. Either way, if you don't do it often enough where you require an intervention, it can be quite a fun experience.The next few days should be intriguing, if not downright pleasant. Tomorrow I'm going to see Pink Floyd with my father, who has an insane gift when it comes to getting tickets for anything you might want. The next day, my friend and I are going to see Paprika, which is some anime film that is apparently fantastic and life-changing, etc. Tomorrow I also have to have lunch with one of those people who would call you a friend, but you would call, 'a guilty annoyance that I cannot cut out from my life because it would be too much of a hassle, but who I avoid as much as possible.' Should I feel bad about that?Anyway. I'm reading The Know-It-All by A.J. Jacobs, which I highly reccommend if you are partial to useless trivia [as I most certainly am]. I have a soft spot for anyone with obsessive tendencies.My roommate is gone for the moment, and I am enjoying the silence.So far, I am torn between two martial arts school. One seems easier and has more classes, but is more expensive. The other is cheaper, and they teach you to use weapons, but it sounds like I will die during the first class when some muscle-bound ninja drop-kicks me out of a third-story window. And I'm not sure I should be trusted with sharp objects.Pirates Of The Caribbean: At World's End comes out on Friday. I do want to see it [I've liked Johnny Depp since 21 Jump Street, so fuck everyone], but I don't know if I want to put up with the screaming hysteria that is opening weekend for a major film. When the second one came out, for some reason I insisted on seeing it opening night. I ended up screaming at several people, and having a temper tantrum on the way home that was only partly due to the film I had just seen. In my defense, listening to a drunken moron offer running commentary on the 'fags' in the film would stretch anyone's nerves.And so much for that. I'm relaxing, which I haven't done in a long while. College sort of makes you feel guilty for having free time; I keep looking around, expecting one of my professors to leap out of the college and screech at me for not finishing my paper on sexual minorities in the news media. I really need to get used to being a college graduate. Maybe I should go mock some freshmen. But that would require getting off the couch.'If I was a religious person, I'd be Roman Catholic, because if there is a god he MUST be Italian.'- Douglas Adams

moreless

To Begin

How do you introduce yourself? Are the facts I consider important really that significant? And how do I differ from thousands of other people out there, banging away at their keyboards with an inflated sense of their own self-worth?Not as much as I'd like to imagine, probably. So let's get the basics out of the way.I'm a twenty-one year-old female. I was born in New Jersey, and lived there for most of my formative years. I graduated from college last week [Eugene Lang, for anyone remotely interested]. I smoke. I drink. I live in the Financial District with my roommate, who is certifiable. I'm trying to make a career for myself as a journalist. I have a paid internship at a major publishing company as an Editorial Assistant in the children's department. I start in June. I also like all the usual shit that people like: books, TV shows, movies, comics, serial killers, the impending zombie attack. I also like lists. I have lists for everything, from the usual shit [TV shows, movies, comics, food, children's names], to a few less common areas, like Fictional Characters I Would Tackle And Drag Into A Dark Alley To Violate and Most Inappropriate Things To Say On A First Date. Fun factoid: all my children's names are for boys. So, if I'm ever insane enough to reproduce, I will most likely end up with a screaming passel of spoiled little girls demanding Bratz toys or Britney Spears records. Or whatever they'll have in those dark days of the future.Anyway. I've started this blog to chronicle life post-college. I feel like it will be entertaining, at least to me. So far, nothing is different, except I'm procrastinating doing laundry instead of writing a paper on the cultural significance of dirt.A few things I'm currently fixated on: Doctor Who, V For Vendetta, Will Christopher Baer, Watchmen, The Poughkeepsie Tapes, Quentin Tarantino, and Hunter S. Thompson [to be fair, I've been obsessed with Hunter S. Thompson and Quentin Tarantino since high school, but that's neither here nor there].Stupid Things That Really Bug Me1. When people spit.2. Fake nails3. Saying, 'bum a smoke.'4. New York smoking laws.5. The phrase, 'post-modern.'6. People who iron their pillowcases.7. Car alarms.8. The fact that I have seen a picture of Britney Spears' vagina.9. Ann Coulter's existence.10. People who say, 'like' after every word.

moreless

A Momentous Moment

Welcome to my blog. Please don't leave until I've had a chance to mock you.I'm Elle. I'm a twenty-one year old recent college graduate living in New York City [center of the universe]. I'm trying to be a journalist. Here, you will find random notes on my life, movies, books, comics, drugs, TV show, dating, roomates, New York, politics, and whatever else crosses my path.This blog will chronicle my life post-college. I know. I'm scared too.

moreless