How To Submit A Manuscript And Not Piss Off The Reader [Meaning Me]: Tips For Submitting An Unsolicited Manuscript* Research the companyThis is imperative. Google the companies, buy Writer’s Market, join a message board. But make sure you are sending your work to the right people. Do not send poetry to a non-fiction publisher. Do not send children’s books to horror publishers. Don’t send erotica to children’s publishers. Please, please don’t send erotica to children’s publishers.
Again, this takes a little research, but can make a big difference. Even if your work gets sent to a reader like me instead of the person you intended, it is much nicer to see a human’s name, rather than ‘To Whom It May Concern.’ Also, I know one editor here gets deeply offended if her mail is addressed ‘Dear Sir.’ And you don’t want to piss someone off before they’ve even read your pitch.* Don’t give us your life story. Unless it has something to do with your proposal, that is. If you grew up in Africa and are submitting a children’s book on African animals, that’s something worth mentioning. However, describing your experience bursting from your mother’s womb will only bore people. Unless you’ve written a womb-bursting children’s tale.
Where I work, we don’t like it when you submit a story with a SASE [Self Addressed Stamped Envelope]. I’m not even supposed to read those. Some companies require a SASE. Some want only an outline, some want the full manuscript. Once again, either look online, or write to the company. All those people who sent me their stories with a SASE get a reply – a copy of our guidelines. And my unending contempt.* Use standard stationary. There is this one woman, whose name I won’t mention because I don’t want to get sued, who is the sole cause of this suggestion. Her cover letters are, besides being cut and paste jobs [more on that below], the most disgustingly cute stationary I have ever seen. Little kid’s handprints outline the paper. I now twitch uncontrollably whenever someone mentions finger-painting. Plus, it looks unprofessional. But think of my twitches.* Send one manuscript to a company at a time. This also has to do with the woman mentioned above. I have worked here for two weeks and one day, and have received twelve submissions from this woman. Four on the same day. Look, if a company rejects your manuscript, send another. I’m not saying give up [except to this woman]. But either wait until you get a response, or a decent amount of time has passed [we say four months; other publishers vary] before sending another. Otherwise, you will get many, many copies of our guidelines in all the SASE you keep sending me, as a passive-aggressive reaction to having read twelve stories by the same person before I got my first paycheck. Also: don’t send multiple copies to different editors in the same department. I get them all.* Don’t send random pictures. Illustration ideas are great – if you can draw. I cannot draw. Therefore, I do not try. How a person can be so diseased as to think that a stick-figure dog will make it into a published book is beyond me. Send pictures if you can draw [ask for outside reviews of your work if necessary], or hire an illustrator. Or let us pick one. And maybe this is just me, but I have no clue as to why people keep sending me pictures of their kids/grandkids. It certainly doesn’t improve your story. And to be honest, it kind of freaks me out. I have a small pile of pictures of stranger’s children. That's just creepy.* Use spell check. For the love of all that is holy, in the name of any and all gods you might worship, please use spell check. People that don’t should be neutered post-haste.* Type in a normal font. Yes, we publish children’s books. However, I cannot read a 100-page manuscript written in some Wingdings/otherwise illegible font. And none of those ‘cute’ fonts that make it look like a little kid wrote it. Not only is that irritating, it’s really unprofessional.* Nothing handwritten. I cannot read my own handwriting. I am not expected to read yours. Once again, it is professional to type. Neatly. And nothing says professional like scribbling your grocery list on the corner of a cover letter.* Don’t expect your manuscript to be returned. Other companies might. At mine, we dump unsolicited manuscripts. If I don’t like them, they go in the garbage. We do not send them back, even if you give us a SASE. You will get a copy of our guidelines, but not your manuscript. So don’t send out your only copy.* Don’t be cute. Just wanted to stress this one more time. These books are written for children. However, the people who publish these books are not children. We spend our days surrounded by people who know how to be cute professionally, and even THAT can be pretty trying on your patience. Don’t draw smiley-faces on the cover, don’t write corny jokes in your cover letter, don’t have your kid write out your cover letter.Feel free to ask questions. Or give me money. Preferably the latter.
Again, this takes a little research, but can make a big difference. Even if your work gets sent to a reader like me instead of the person you intended, it is much nicer to see a human’s name, rather than ‘To Whom It May Concern.’ Also, I know one editor here gets deeply offended if her mail is addressed ‘Dear Sir.’ And you don’t want to piss someone off before they’ve even read your pitch.* Don’t give us your life story. Unless it has something to do with your proposal, that is. If you grew up in Africa and are submitting a children’s book on African animals, that’s something worth mentioning. However, describing your experience bursting from your mother’s womb will only bore people. Unless you’ve written a womb-bursting children’s tale.
Where I work, we don’t like it when you submit a story with a SASE [Self Addressed Stamped Envelope]. I’m not even supposed to read those. Some companies require a SASE. Some want only an outline, some want the full manuscript. Once again, either look online, or write to the company. All those people who sent me their stories with a SASE get a reply – a copy of our guidelines. And my unending contempt.* Use standard stationary. There is this one woman, whose name I won’t mention because I don’t want to get sued, who is the sole cause of this suggestion. Her cover letters are, besides being cut and paste jobs [more on that below], the most disgustingly cute stationary I have ever seen. Little kid’s handprints outline the paper. I now twitch uncontrollably whenever someone mentions finger-painting. Plus, it looks unprofessional. But think of my twitches.* Send one manuscript to a company at a time. This also has to do with the woman mentioned above. I have worked here for two weeks and one day, and have received twelve submissions from this woman. Four on the same day. Look, if a company rejects your manuscript, send another. I’m not saying give up [except to this woman]. But either wait until you get a response, or a decent amount of time has passed [we say four months; other publishers vary] before sending another. Otherwise, you will get many, many copies of our guidelines in all the SASE you keep sending me, as a passive-aggressive reaction to having read twelve stories by the same person before I got my first paycheck. Also: don’t send multiple copies to different editors in the same department. I get them all.* Don’t send random pictures. Illustration ideas are great – if you can draw. I cannot draw. Therefore, I do not try. How a person can be so diseased as to think that a stick-figure dog will make it into a published book is beyond me. Send pictures if you can draw [ask for outside reviews of your work if necessary], or hire an illustrator. Or let us pick one. And maybe this is just me, but I have no clue as to why people keep sending me pictures of their kids/grandkids. It certainly doesn’t improve your story. And to be honest, it kind of freaks me out. I have a small pile of pictures of stranger’s children. That's just creepy.* Use spell check. For the love of all that is holy, in the name of any and all gods you might worship, please use spell check. People that don’t should be neutered post-haste.* Type in a normal font. Yes, we publish children’s books. However, I cannot read a 100-page manuscript written in some Wingdings/otherwise illegible font. And none of those ‘cute’ fonts that make it look like a little kid wrote it. Not only is that irritating, it’s really unprofessional.* Nothing handwritten. I cannot read my own handwriting. I am not expected to read yours. Once again, it is professional to type. Neatly. And nothing says professional like scribbling your grocery list on the corner of a cover letter.* Don’t expect your manuscript to be returned. Other companies might. At mine, we dump unsolicited manuscripts. If I don’t like them, they go in the garbage. We do not send them back, even if you give us a SASE. You will get a copy of our guidelines, but not your manuscript. So don’t send out your only copy.* Don’t be cute. Just wanted to stress this one more time. These books are written for children. However, the people who publish these books are not children. We spend our days surrounded by people who know how to be cute professionally, and even THAT can be pretty trying on your patience. Don’t draw smiley-faces on the cover, don’t write corny jokes in your cover letter, don’t have your kid write out your cover letter.Feel free to ask questions. Or give me money. Preferably the latter.
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