Friday, June 1, 2007

I Am The Super Bug Mother

Well, I had a day. Did the usual [worked out, got over a minor Bloody Mary/pot hangover, etc]. But rather than bore you with that shit, here's the cool stuff.

Jim Hanley's Universe
Went with Aye and Kaye, since Garth Ennis and Darick Robertson were doing a signing. For non-fans [read: sane people], Garth Ennis is best known for Preacher, and Darick Robertson draws for Transmetropolitan. They were doing a signing to promote the newest issue of The Boys, their joint effort.

Now, I'm a devoted fan of Forbidden Planet [although I can't go often, because I wouldn't be able to afford my rent], but JHU is a fucking great place for comics, and I highly reccommend it to all. To be honest, JHU is more like a cozy comic store, although it's enormous. Something about the atmosphere is much mellower. It may become my favorite. Only time will tell.

Anyway: I was a wreck, per usual, because I'm always afraid that when I meet someone I admire, I'll say something weird ["I have a blister on my foot shaped like Mars"] or just downright creepy ["I love you"]. Luckily, I was the sane one today. Shocking, I know.

Kaye, who is a minor celebrity there since he goes constantly, was the local lunatic. He was asked by some guy filming to do a little stunt. So he ran up to the front and screamed at the top of his lungs, "THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN!" The whole, packed store was silent for a good fifteen seconds. Aye nearly died; I took advantage of my height and hid behind a Neil Gaiman display.

The meeting itself was kind of incredible. Garth Ennis signed three things for me, and had an accent, so I was having fangirl glee. Darick Robertson, who was incredibly nice, drew me a fucking gorgeous sketch of Spider Jerusalem which I am going to have FRAMED, and signed one of my Transmetropolitan trade paperbacks. We also had a really nice conversation about journalism, and he told me he has enormous respect for anyone seeking out that career who is focused on the truth. So I was a happy giggling ass. To be honest, I was nearly like a normal human girl.

Here's what I bought today, and why I am now spectacularly broke.
* The Boys: Volume Seven w/ alternate cover [signed - Ennis]
* Hitman: Volume One [signed - Ennis]
* The Boys: Trade Paperback [signed - Ennis]
* I Feel Sick: Volume Two [because I can never find ANY Jhonen Vasquez besides JTHM]
* Transmetropolitan: Volume Six
* Transmetropolitan: Volume Seven [signed - Robertson]
* MY SPIDER JERUSALEM SKETCH THAT IS SO HOT I WANT TO MAKE OUT WITH IT

Yeah, that last one was creepy. I'm better now. Honest. If anyone asks, I'll post a picture of my sketch. See? People who comment get rewarded!

Bug
Holy, holy god, this movie was bad. I did not intend to see this movie. I WANTED to see Knocked Up, but it was sold out, which kind of ruined my perfect day. So we decided to see Bug, with Ashley Judd and Harry Connick, Jr. This was a mistake.

This may be the worst movie I've seen in theaters since Primeval. It was supposedly based on a play, which makes sense. A play version probably wouldn't have sucked as much. Basically, lonely hick Judd does a lot of drugs and falls for this looney guy who thinks the government has infected him with bugs, and sometimes her ex husband [Connick, Jr.] shows up and acts like an asshole. THAT is the movie.

There was quite a bit of nudity, and one of the worst sex scenes I have ever witnessed in my entire life. Seriously, this movie could make people celibate. It was heinous. The sex looked PAINFUL. Or at least weird and uncomfortable. And Judd screamed a lot. I never liked her, and now I fucking despise her. The title of this post is my favorite line from the movie. The other is "MACHINE!"

This would make for a good drinking game - take a shot every time someone says 'Bug,' or someone says something paranoid. Except you'd die within twenty minutes from alcohol poisoning, which would be a downer. We had no alcohol. But when the entire audience is howling with laughter, and you're making your friends look on their phone to see how long the movie runs - these are not signs of a good film.

Whoever made this movie should be punished. They'll go to Special Hell, and be forced to watch this movie over and over and over. And invisible bugs will make them itch. And they will have drooling, special-ed sex.

This movie just added about six years to my therapy sessions. Yay.

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