I spent about three hours today destroying people's hopes and dreams [read: reading unsolicited manuscripts]. I no longer have faith in humanity. Nobody should ever write anything. Ever. Including me, writing this. They were that bad.
My personal 'favorites':
* The woman who dedicated her book to Oprah.
* An ABCs book based on diseases.
* The magical adventures of a bubble.
* This girl whose father dies tragically, then spends nearly a chapter complaining about how she's in sixth grade, and STILL hasn't gotten her period.
* Poems about cerebral palsy.
* Poems by a woman who had a seriously creepy fixation on her son.
* Poems about stone bunnies. The bunnies don't do anything. They're fucking stone.
* And the winner: the delightful story about a little boy who dies and goes to heaven. But he misses his mommy, so an angel takes him to her, and he gives his mother the kiss of death. She dies. That's the end of the book.
Most popular topics: autism, death, dragons, balloons, bugs, bunnies, and amputees.
One woman sent us eight stories. So I sent her eight copies of our guidelines, which is basically a rejection letter, only nicer. I hate people.
It's weird, though. I'm a writer, and have experienced the trauma of rejection letters. But the stories were SO FUCKING BAD.
In other news, I had no internet yesterday at work OR at home, the toilet in my apartment was broken, and now the bathtub is.
I am done with the words now.
Josh: You see what you do? One night, just one night, I ask you to help me and you ruin it! You know how important this dinner was to me because it was my last chance to impress Mindy's parents. I spent like two hours on this dinner, one hundred dollars on an ice sculpture, and three hundred dollars on a dumb harpist, who at this point SHOULD STOP PLAYING! And I don't even care what you think of Mindy cause she is the best thing that ever happened to me, and I can't date her anymore because you ruined it! You wrecked my dinner, you wrecked my one hundred dollar ice sculpture, and you wrecked my relationship!
Drake: You spent one hundred dollars on ICE?
- Drake & Josh
My personal 'favorites':
* The woman who dedicated her book to Oprah.
* An ABCs book based on diseases.
* The magical adventures of a bubble.
* This girl whose father dies tragically, then spends nearly a chapter complaining about how she's in sixth grade, and STILL hasn't gotten her period.
* Poems about cerebral palsy.
* Poems by a woman who had a seriously creepy fixation on her son.
* Poems about stone bunnies. The bunnies don't do anything. They're fucking stone.
* And the winner: the delightful story about a little boy who dies and goes to heaven. But he misses his mommy, so an angel takes him to her, and he gives his mother the kiss of death. She dies. That's the end of the book.
Most popular topics: autism, death, dragons, balloons, bugs, bunnies, and amputees.
One woman sent us eight stories. So I sent her eight copies of our guidelines, which is basically a rejection letter, only nicer. I hate people.
It's weird, though. I'm a writer, and have experienced the trauma of rejection letters. But the stories were SO FUCKING BAD.
In other news, I had no internet yesterday at work OR at home, the toilet in my apartment was broken, and now the bathtub is.
I am done with the words now.
Josh: You see what you do? One night, just one night, I ask you to help me and you ruin it! You know how important this dinner was to me because it was my last chance to impress Mindy's parents. I spent like two hours on this dinner, one hundred dollars on an ice sculpture, and three hundred dollars on a dumb harpist, who at this point SHOULD STOP PLAYING! And I don't even care what you think of Mindy cause she is the best thing that ever happened to me, and I can't date her anymore because you ruined it! You wrecked my dinner, you wrecked my one hundred dollar ice sculpture, and you wrecked my relationship!
Drake: You spent one hundred dollars on ICE?
- Drake & Josh
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