Blog* That's silly. Everyone lives by a volcano. A volcano of the SOUL. Yeah, I don't know. I've had precious little caffeine today. Title is from Firefly.Jackie Earle Haley* FINALLY:A Nightmare on Elm Street in HD trailer. Oh, how I love thee. I love thee HARDCORE. I will watch you repeatedly, and I will believe that THIS will be the horror trailer that is not made of suck, and fixes EVERYTHING in life. I need to get a new Freddy sweater. Mine was destroyed. Not in a fire. And Mr. Haley has growly voice. I spent most of my heinous morning fangirl-flailing, screaming, and generally frightening the natives. FOR A GOOD REASON.Russell Brand* I don't especially care who celebrities are dating. OK, I do, but in that, 'Hm, wow,' way, not in a 'OH GOD THEY ARE SO WRONG FOR EACH OTHER I MUST INTERVENE' way. That being said, I want Katy Perry to stay the HELL away from Russell Brand, OK? Because she ANNOYS me. SO MUCH. And I was sort of secretly hoping he and Lady Gaga would hook up, if ONLY because the tabloid coverage would be EPIC.Politics* HAHA, Levi Johnston, political impregnator, is going to be SO NAKED on the internets.I know I've said this before, but it NEVER STOPS BEING FUNNY. His Levi Johnston will be out, in public. Did I mention I had less than one cup of coffee this morning? And no food? And the energy drinks haven't kicked in yet?* Short people are going to fuck you up, and the French are starting the war. VICTORY IN OUR TIME. But I will let certain tall men live, because they're hot. And my tall friends. Basically if I like you or you give me money, you're OK. Sarkozy, you never cease to entertain. And make me proud of my height. DOWN WITH TALLS.* I must confess, I'm rather disappointed that Al Franken hasn't done anything super-hilarious since becoming a Senator. I thought... well, to be honest, I had hoped that politics would become like a long, drawn-out SNL skit. Which it already is, ZING. But here is a video of him, drawing a map:His voice really annoys me, on an almost visceral level. It's weird.Food* Part of me thinks this is so cool and beautiful:[Found at Friggin Random]Part of me wonders how long it took.Part of me just wants to sop up all that mustard with the bread. Daily Hot Guy[Matt Damon, not an unusual pick, but he's smart and funny and twisted, and he wrote a really good movie, and it's been an almost comically bad morning, and sometimes I just want to admire a handsome guy with nice eyes, OK?!]Celebrity!Fail* I stopped watching Gossip Girl, mainly because clothes lust was starting to make me seriously consider a life of crime (I WANT THEIR WARDROBES) and also I have too many other shows to watch on Monday, and simply cannot factor it in. Besides, it's best viewed in a marathon with a bunch of friends and some alcohol. But when I DID watch the show, I was a member of the 'I wish Chuck Bass had corrupted me in high school' club. Really, are there people who aren't? So this is very disappointing:[Found at Jezebel]Dude, there are very few guys who can have a naked lady tattoo and still be sexy. You are not among their numbers. Chuck Bass would not approve of your pathetic, plebeian attempt at rebellion. We're all very disappointed, Ed Westwick.Zombies* In theory, zombie shooting-range targets are a genius concept. But in practice....[Found at Boing Boing]Why do all the girl-zombies look like porn-star zombies, and why are all the boy-zombies Nazis? That's not very realistic. You should have done more research.Apocalypse How?* I make a lot of jokes in this category, but you know what? This is no joking matter:[Found at Geekologie]That's a Blu-Ray Player. It costs $135,000. Now let me make this very clear. I fucking hate anyone, ANYONE who is considering owning one of these. I CANNOT AFFORD A REGULAR BLU-RAY PLAYER. THIS ONE COSTS MORE THAN MY CAR. MORE THAN HALF A DOZEN OF MY CAR. GAAHHHHHH. Oh, and this is truly the end of days, because seriously, what did they PUT IN THIS THING to make it cost so much? Pure gold? FAIRY GOLD? That shit is rare. I don't know. After work I have to go to Rite-Aid for lip-gloss. DISCOUNT lip-gloss. STUPID BLU-RAY PLAYER.Dollhouse* So apparently my Tweeting the Season Premiere of did nothing for the ratings. Or made them worse. Because Dollhouse got the lowest ratings ever. Now, listen very carefully (or read very carefully): This season is going to be Topher-tastic. The premiere had hotness AND ANGST, and HIS SHEETS WERE ADORABLE, and he made me sad, and Whiskey is going bonkers (and drinking whiskey, I think, which delights me), and Alexis Denisoff (AKA Wesley) is going to be on a lot, and I NEED Alpha Wash to come back, so you are all going to MAN UP and watch Dollhouse. DO YOU GET ME?! Please? Because I still miss Firefly.Epic!Fail* This is an LV fail, I suspect. Because whenever I look at this picture:[Found at Like Cool]...I want to flip the guy off his forkless cruiser bike. I don't know why. But if I saw him in real life, I wouldn't be able to control myself. I just want to flip over that stupid, stupid bike. This compulsion frightens and confuses me. Ergo, LV!Epic!Fail.They do happen, from time to time.Books* This library has no books:[Found at The Boston Globe]Because they have a 'learning center.' Books are outdated. Nobody READS anymore. HAHA.... ha... heh.... If you need me, I'll be clutching my worn copy of A Tree Grows In Brooklyn and weeping for the future.Childhood!Fail* Hey, kids! You like puppies, right? Who doesn't? Well, wouldn't you like to DISMEMBER A doggie?[Found at Nerd Approved]What, your doggie is missing its head? Its precious, precious head? Why are you crying? This is how butchers cut up the piggies we use to make your hot dogs!Doctor Who* I have posted this video of John Barrowman and David Tennant kissing at the Comic-Con before, and I most likely will again, and again, until Ianto Jones is OK. It doesn't HAVE to make sense, does it? Did Torchwood make sense? Did chunks of Doctor Who make sense? YEAH, so I win.Plus, they're not exactly hard on the eyes, are they? It's Monday. That's the only excuse I NEED, OK?Inglourious Basterds* I like this story because it has Quentin Tarantino, B.J. Novak, movies, and unimpressed Germans:Plus Brad Pitt seems like a fun guy. I am the only girl out there who would pick Tarantino over Pitt? Don't answer that.Sorry this blog was a little late, but you know what? Monday. That is all.- LV
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