Blog* Unless they're Reapers. I do not care at all for Reapers. Title is from Firefly. YouTube Wonders* Zachary Quinto and his steak friends, again. Apparently this is his way of promoting vegetarianism, because, 'He doesn't eat his friends.' Well, my friends do not dress up as giant pieces of prime cut, so clearly we have nothing in common, Mr. Quinto. I'm terribly disappointed in you. Cute dog, though.And the comments are right. Nobody makes fun of the hat.Books* Ray Bradbury hates the internet. Ergo, it is evil. Ergo, I will never use the internet again. I'll be like J.D. Salinger, only not famous or brilliant. I may have to rethink that life plan.Comic-Con* Dear California: I hate you. You are smug and superior and everyone I like lives there (mostly) and people seem to think you're more cultured than New Jersey, even though Meryl Streep is from here and she is the APEX of culture, so HA. What I'm trying to say is, THIS IS NOT FAIR. The San Diego Comic-Con is making me cry bitter fangirl tears (Yes, I know I've been crying a lot in these blog entries. I am fragile, and the world is cruel). I mean - DARICK ROBERTSON IS GOING TO BE THERE. I MET HIM. AND... AND... THIS IS JUST FRIDAY. THERE ARE TWO MORE DAYS. I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS. I'm going to go think happy thoughts about
. OH WAIT, JACKIE EARLE HALEY WILL BE THERE TOO. Really, California, must you take everything from me? (Yes, I know the whole state is in economic free-fall, and I hope that you get that sorted out soon, and everything comes up roses, but Movie Industry: have you considered the potential of basing all studios in New Jersey? WE HAVE BEACHES TOO.People I Love* And here we have a video of Russell Brand explaining a ball bag to us. Please don't look at me like that. I don't judge. Neither should you. Also, Russell Brand may be Jesus on acid, so we should be nice to him, just in case.Movie!Fail* AHAHAHAHAHA.... I'm sorry, it's rude to laugh without an explanation. They're adapting The A-Team into a movie. That is not fail yet, because it will have Liam Neeson and Bradley Cooper, who are both win. HOWEVER, the studio is considering The Game (a rapper) to play the part of Mr. T. Now laugh with me! Because nobody can play Mr. T, except Mr. T. It would defy the laws of God and man. Can you imagine ANYONE trying to play Mr. T? No. Mr. T will either laugh The Game into oblivion, or he will be annoyed and rip out his organs, pity them, shove them back in his carcass, where they will quiver inside him for the rest of his miserable, pitied life. I have nothing against The Game. I don't know him or his work. It's just this: There is Mr. T, and there is everybody else. (Although now that I think about it, Alan Moore might be able to pull it off, just because he is a wizard. DON'T HURT ME MR. MOORE. I NEED TO LIVE TO SEE
IN THEATERS AND NIN.)Depression Session* When they turn off your gas because you can't pay your bills, and you are cold and hungry and afraid of the IRS, or zombies, or IRS zombies, remember this: you can start a fire with your cell-phone battery. This will also be helpful when you can't pay your cell-phone bills and need to find an alternate use. Or if you like fire. Pretty soon everything we own will be used for something else. We'll be like The Road, only hopefully I won't break down in tears at the end, like I did when I read the book, and it was on an airplane, and the person beside me was not pleased with my expression of pain.TeeVee* Here's another article on the rebranding of Sci-Fi to SyFy. I get it. It's stupid and weird, and annoys me in an obscure but intensely grammatical way, and I do not think it's worth the effort. But if it makes them happy, and they don't fuck with their programming and start doing shows like, So You Think You're An Alien or Desperate Earthlings, I don't care. Call yourself whatever you want. My science-fiction attention is totally turned to BBC America right now, anyway. TORCHWOOD AND DOCTOR WHO. And I lied, I would religiously watch So You Think You're An Alien.Journalism* This is an example of a panic-inducing headline to a thoroughly mundane article. This is what we like to call BAD journalism. This is akin to titling your article, "WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE" and the piece being about the average old age. Woodward and Bernstein are very, very disappointed in you.* Continuing with "Stupid, awful shit Bill O'Reilly said," we have him ripping Michael Jackson. That's fine. You don't have to like him, and while he was never convicted of anything, you are entitled to your opinion, you don't have to like the guy, many people don't. HOWEVER. You cannot start off your show saying the Jacksons should be left alone because they just lost a beloved family member, then effectively shits on the man. Once again, that's OK. Well, it's not OK. It's tacky and malicious and hypocritical, but we're used to that. I wouldn't expect any less. So what am I annoyed about, you ask? Because he said, ahem,
. OH WAIT, JACKIE EARLE HALEY WILL BE THERE TOO. Really, California, must you take everything from me? (Yes, I know the whole state is in economic free-fall, and I hope that you get that sorted out soon, and everything comes up roses, but Movie Industry: have you considered the potential of basing all studios in New Jersey? WE HAVE BEACHES TOO.People I Love* And here we have a video of Russell Brand explaining a ball bag to us. Please don't look at me like that. I don't judge. Neither should you. Also, Russell Brand may be Jesus on acid, so we should be nice to him, just in case.Movie!Fail* AHAHAHAHAHA.... I'm sorry, it's rude to laugh without an explanation. They're adapting The A-Team into a movie. That is not fail yet, because it will have Liam Neeson and Bradley Cooper, who are both win. HOWEVER, the studio is considering The Game (a rapper) to play the part of Mr. T. Now laugh with me! Because nobody can play Mr. T, except Mr. T. It would defy the laws of God and man. Can you imagine ANYONE trying to play Mr. T? No. Mr. T will either laugh The Game into oblivion, or he will be annoyed and rip out his organs, pity them, shove them back in his carcass, where they will quiver inside him for the rest of his miserable, pitied life. I have nothing against The Game. I don't know him or his work. It's just this: There is Mr. T, and there is everybody else. (Although now that I think about it, Alan Moore might be able to pull it off, just because he is a wizard. DON'T HURT ME MR. MOORE. I NEED TO LIVE TO SEE
IN THEATERS AND NIN.)Depression Session* When they turn off your gas because you can't pay your bills, and you are cold and hungry and afraid of the IRS, or zombies, or IRS zombies, remember this: you can start a fire with your cell-phone battery. This will also be helpful when you can't pay your cell-phone bills and need to find an alternate use. Or if you like fire. Pretty soon everything we own will be used for something else. We'll be like The Road, only hopefully I won't break down in tears at the end, like I did when I read the book, and it was on an airplane, and the person beside me was not pleased with my expression of pain.TeeVee* Here's another article on the rebranding of Sci-Fi to SyFy. I get it. It's stupid and weird, and annoys me in an obscure but intensely grammatical way, and I do not think it's worth the effort. But if it makes them happy, and they don't fuck with their programming and start doing shows like, So You Think You're An Alien or Desperate Earthlings, I don't care. Call yourself whatever you want. My science-fiction attention is totally turned to BBC America right now, anyway. TORCHWOOD AND DOCTOR WHO. And I lied, I would religiously watch So You Think You're An Alien.Journalism* This is an example of a panic-inducing headline to a thoroughly mundane article. This is what we like to call BAD journalism. This is akin to titling your article, "WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE" and the piece being about the average old age. Woodward and Bernstein are very, very disappointed in you.* Continuing with "Stupid, awful shit Bill O'Reilly said," we have him ripping Michael Jackson. That's fine. You don't have to like him, and while he was never convicted of anything, you are entitled to your opinion, you don't have to like the guy, many people don't. HOWEVER. You cannot start off your show saying the Jacksons should be left alone because they just lost a beloved family member, then effectively shits on the man. Once again, that's OK. Well, it's not OK. It's tacky and malicious and hypocritical, but we're used to that. I wouldn't expect any less. So what am I annoyed about, you ask? Because he said, ahem,
"If he's such a black American icon, why did he have his kids with white men!?"Yeah. Exactly. I can't even begin to dissect all that is wrong in one sentence. There's.... there's so much wrong. It cancels out all the other wrongs. It overwhelms them. It actually hurts my brain to try to explain this. If you need me to explain why this is not OK, AT ALL, we need to have a talk. I am actually angry about this, because IT MISSES THE POINT. You don't have to like Michael Jackson. You don't have to be upset that he died. You can even ignore his contributions to music, if you want. But.... GAH. MY HEAD AND MY DESK ARE ONE. OK, here's something I CAN discuss. Mr. O'Reilly, in this clip I watched and then spent ten minutes storming around the house screaming at, even though he can't hear me and is laughing all the way to the bank, seems to think that by dying you automatically become a hero and all sins are forgiven:Mr. O'Reilly, I can say without a shadow of a doubt, that this will not happen to you. I need to go soak my head.Wow* This is a dragon made out of soda pop tops:[Found at Geekologie]This is freaking sweet. I want one, but I don't want to have to put in any effort to get one. Will you make one for me? I'll drink all the soda, and you do all the labor. Sounds fair? Yes? Where are you going?Geek Want* I'm glad you're back, because this is a sofa that turns into a fort:[Found at LikeCool]They say it's a tent, but that is a filthy lie. It's a fort. Like the ones I used to make out of the couch cushions as a kid, before I was told that 23-year-old women don't do such things, so now I only do it when no one is around, I WIN. XKCD told me I could I'm going to buy one of these babies, and I'm having a camp-out in the living room, and I'm watching zombie movies and eating popcorn and pizza and drinking beer and it's going to be AWESOME. It will be like my childhood, only with alcohol. Daily Hot Guy[Patrick Wilson, AKA Nite Owl, who I will always refer to as either A) The Ass-Slap of Destiny (Little Children) or B) The Man Crying Naked in His Basement Because Of Penis Fail. I tease because I love, Patrick. Your arms are pretty.]Politics* I have a lot of politics links that need to be yelled about, and I'm still furious about Bill O'Reilly, and I have not had a cigarette yet today, so this section may be rather longer than usual.* Because I am going to milk Sarah Palin for all she's worth (that is a DISGUSTING visual), let's hear from her former-future-on-in-law, would-be model & daughter-sperminator, Levi Johnston:
“She had talked about how nice it would be to take some of this money people had been offering us and you know just run with it, say ‘forget everything else,’Levi, I get that this is your meal-ticket, but come on. Sarah Palin wants money? Not news? Sarah Palin wants money to send back to the alien home-planet so they can start a lucrative real-estate business? News. At least IMPLY that there's something scandalous going on here. Please? Journalists should not lie, because that is immoral and wrong. But you're not a journalist, and when your lies are exposed you'll get even MORE press, and I'll have more to write about, so wins all around.* I am clinging to the Mark Sandford news story, even though it's sort of boring overall, because the dude had an affair, and that's it. But he DID cry during the press conference, which is entertainment, and his wife wants no part of this, which I respect, so there may be a story in there somewhere. Not to mention the mind-boggling stupidity of an elected official disappearing from his post for DAYS ON END with NO WAY TO CONTACT HIM while his state is in an economic crisis. Also, we cannot forget that Sandford used state funds to go get his sexy on with this lady, which is all kinds of wrong and immoral and STUPID, because people keep TRACK OF THESE THINGS, MR. SANDFORD. So maybe next time, pay in cash for everything, yes?* One last bit of Palin news, because the lady's crazy cannot be quantified. Here is a handy-dandy list of a bunch of her more outrageous lies, and they are discredited as the lies they are. If you're going to lie, at least be sneaky or confusing. Or cry. Sandford cried. It didn't help HIM. Did you two go to the same political conference? "How to Fornicate With Your Mistress On The State's Dime & Quit Your Job For No Damn Reason Other Than Selfish Laziness"? Must have been a hell of a conference. Who was the speaker? Was it Gingrich? Also, did you know that Mrs. Palin hates polar bears? It's true, because she claimed they weren't endangered, when they TOTALLY ARE. Why do you hate the polar bears, Mrs. Palin? Are they making jokes about your daughter? Because that might be classified as a slight overreaction. Just saying.Later I may write reviews of Public Enemies and Bruno, if you ask nicely and also get me tickets to Watchmen: Director's Cut for next week. Or I may do it anyway. WHO CAN TELL?- LV
0 comments:
Post a Comment