Blog
* Title is from Futurama.
YouTube Wonders
* This was sent to me by a loyal reader, and may have blown my mind a little bit. I watched it again just now, before I'd finished even ONE cup of coffee, and it may have left me a twitching ball of nerves under the table. It's... it's too much.
I want nothing more out of life than to slap and chop.
Books
* So sometimes when you write a book, they give you an advance payment, and if your book doesn't sell an assload of copies, you have to pay back the difference on the advance, and you get less from royalties. This is irrelevant to me, who is stuck on page 228 of her book because typing is HARD, or she's just lazy, and talking in the third person is never a good sign, so I'm stopping now.
Anyway, this article is about how we (the publishing industry, not us personally) should lower advances and raise royalties, because it would be good for the book industry and prevent us from falling into the pit of Stephenie Meyers and Lauren Conrad that we have recently found ourself in, and it HURTS. I know published authors who agree with this stance, and I have to admit it makes sense to a laywoman like myself.
But really, I'll take any amount of money for my book. It's got vampires! They are hip and trendy, yes? I'm willing to compromise my values!
Comics
* I already own the individual issues of Whatever Happened To The Masked Avenger by Neil Gaiman and one of Whatever Happened To The Man of Tomorrow by Alan Moore, for obvious reasons. But these pretty books that collect all the issues, and apparently some totally random issues with barely any connection at all, are indeed tempting, and were I not hideously broke after an orgy of spending (and trying to scrape together MORE money to spend on MORE things I need to do in this life)I would buy them, because they are wonderful and made of Win. This article is both a review and a summary. I think it's rather hard on Gaiman, but I am biased because he was nice to me and also I want his career really badly.
Nobody should ever say anything bad about Alan Moore. He hears all.
People I Love
* I will not apologize for loving Ricky Gervais. I know people don't, but I don't understand that. I mean, The Office was brilliant and awkward and funny and made me cry unashamedly at the Christmas Special, and Extras was hilarious and wonderful and had some of the best cameos in history (I will never get over Patrick Stewart going, 'But by then.... I've seen everything.') and the Christmas Special made me cry AGAIN, and also it had Doctor Who. And Ghost Town was an underrated goddamn movie that you should see. And if you're still unconvinced, Stephen Merchant is FREAKY tall, and I maybe find that appealing.
Here is a clip of the two men ripping into Ralph Fiennes, who stars in their new movie. I challenge you not to be charmed.
And because it never gets old, or disturbing:
Movie!Fail
* There is nothing worse than having to put a writer/director I love in this category (that's a lie, there are numerous worse things, like zombie clowns, but it's still unfortunate). Except when a writer/director I generally love takes a childhood book that I adore and turns it into a terrifying mockery of all you hold dear. The Fantastic Mr. Fox is a book written by Roald Dahl, and while it's not his best, it's still a charming book that holds a special place in my heart. When I was a substitute teacher, I would reread it during the lunch break, unless I was confiscating my kindergartner's cell phones. Anyway, this is not how I envisioned it. Click the link at your own risk. This reminds me of some of the TV shows I would watch as a child, like the one with the dancing elephant and his horde of singing humans. In retrospect, those shows were twisted beyond words. I predict Roald Dahl will rise from the grave and punish Wes Anderson, and also maybe for The Darjeeling Limited, which should have been MUCH better.
Depression Session
* I didn't even know what a dryer ball WAS until I read this article. So the depression recession is teaching me many things, yay for learning! Here's how you can make your own dryer ball, out of yarn you will make from the fur of your dog, who you will then eat, because there will be no money for food, or dog food, so you will have to be economical. Unless you prefer Mr. Bobo to your children, in which case I do not want to know about it.
TeeVee
* This is a great and funny review/analysis of this week's True Blood, in which, for your humble blogger, Eric totally pwned Vampire Bill, and is now just under Sam on my personal list, in no small part because of how deeply BORED he was by Lafayette running around humping furniture. Eric FTW. I think Eric and Lafayette should be together. FIERCE, yes? But Sam is starting to upset me with his bitchy crawling away, and also the WAITRESS, who I do not TRUST. But I digress.
And as I also said, I would go to one of Maryann's sexy dance parties, with Sam or Eric, at least until people started eating dirt and smearing cake everywhere. In my experience, that's when you quietly exit before the paramedics need to be called because someone tried to jump into a family portrait.
Also, major props for Jason becoming more interesting, and going whole episodes without being naked, which I feel is a huge growing process for him. And Vampire Jesus is a religion I could get behind. Totally unrelated, did you know the actor who plays Jason is British? I did not.
Journalism
* Once again, everyone on CNN is at their laptops Tweeting, and everyone on MSNBC is trying to calm down Pat Buchanan, who is maybe trying to eat Levi Johnston for offending his girl Palin, and everyone on FOX is screaming about the gay liberal apocalypse army, so I am forced to use The Daily Show to expose the serious and menacing news of Bernie Madoff's new Ponzi scheme.
Daily Hot Guy
* Today we celebrate the birth of Jackie Earle Haley, AKA Rorschach, AKA Ronnie in Little Children, AKA The Sekrit Ninja of My Soul, AKA, Look, he's awesome and he's NICE, and I'm so happy he made a comeback because I was so in love with him as a little girl when he was in Bad News Bears. He and Corey Feldman owned my heart. I was born in 1986, what do you want from me?
[To celebrate, go rent Little Children, or if you can't handle the overwhelming level of sad, watch Breaking Away. Or Semi-Pro, which sucks except for our boy JEH. Happy birthday, Jackie Earle Haley! Thank you for playing Rorschach, and being be genius, and also proving short people ROCK so fiercely]
Wow
[Found at Neatorama]
* This immediately makes me think of Empire Records, when on character had glued scattered change to the floor, and Warren was trying to pick it up, and failing due to glue, and this conversation took place:
Warren: Who glued these quarters down?
A.J.: I did.
Warren: What the hell for, man?
A.J.: I don't feel the need to explain my art to you, Warren.
I loved that movie. So nineties. And I still like Rory Cochrane, who played Lucas, which should not surprise anyone who has ever read this blog. And he was in Public Enemies, hurrah!
Geek Want
[Found at TheWorldsBestEver]
I have no reason to want this, except that every girl likes pretending to be a spy sometimes, like Carmen Sandiego.
Politics
* I really hope Dick Cheney has seen the Star Wars movies, because otherwise he is missing a plethora of Emperor jokes that would enrage him. So much evil in such a wrinkled little man. He hates Obama, and America, and you, and puppies, and kitties, and probably eats unicorn horns so that he would live forever. I have no proof of that last one, except when was the last time YOU saw a unicorn? Airtight logic.
* Obama is not bombing the shit out of Iran, because clearly that would be helpful and solve EVERYTHING going on there with the elections. He is awful, isn't he?
* Oh Glenn Beck, I love you so. You are so DUMB. This is not an opinion. This is a statement of fact. You are supposed to know things about politics, yes? This is in theory why you have a TV show and make monies and why I am TYPING about you on my blog? Yet you did not know that on the first day of a confirmation hearing, everyone makes statements. There is no questioning. Meaning your freaking out and declaring our country DOOMED, DOOMED I SAYS, because Obama swindled the hearings to prevent questioning of his pick, is kind of misplaced and embarrassing. For you, at least. Not for me. For me it's funny. Have you been hanging out with Dick Cheney? I hear he throws AWESOME keggers.
* You thought I was kidding when I said Pat Buchanan was in a tiff over Levi Johnston questioning the integrity of Mrs. Sarah Palin, didn't you? Well, I wasn't. I never kid about anything. Politics are SERIOUS BUSINESS. In case you were wondering, this is one of the reasons I love Pat Buchanan. Maybe he should come celebrate Hunter Thompson' birthday with me. According to the survey, I'm getting sloppy drunk and humiliating myself, for you people.
* Barack Obama's teleprompter broke during a speech. He immediately started screaming, crying, and shaking a fist at the sky while stuttering, until another teleprompter was brought out. After a tearful reunion, the speech continued per usual. Parenthetically, why are the Republicans insane about teleprompters? They do know that Obama has some idea of what's coming on the teleprompter before he starts a speech, right? That the teleprompters don't just spew out random sentences, yes? I mean, George W. Bush used teleprompters. He also choked on a pretzel. OH NOES, pretzels are going to kill Obama! In conclusion, I do not comprehend what the hell is the deal with teleprompter fear. They are our friends. Not like those damn pretzels.
- LV
* Title is from Futurama.
YouTube Wonders
* This was sent to me by a loyal reader, and may have blown my mind a little bit. I watched it again just now, before I'd finished even ONE cup of coffee, and it may have left me a twitching ball of nerves under the table. It's... it's too much.
I want nothing more out of life than to slap and chop.
Books
* So sometimes when you write a book, they give you an advance payment, and if your book doesn't sell an assload of copies, you have to pay back the difference on the advance, and you get less from royalties. This is irrelevant to me, who is stuck on page 228 of her book because typing is HARD, or she's just lazy, and talking in the third person is never a good sign, so I'm stopping now.
Anyway, this article is about how we (the publishing industry, not us personally) should lower advances and raise royalties, because it would be good for the book industry and prevent us from falling into the pit of Stephenie Meyers and Lauren Conrad that we have recently found ourself in, and it HURTS. I know published authors who agree with this stance, and I have to admit it makes sense to a laywoman like myself.
But really, I'll take any amount of money for my book. It's got vampires! They are hip and trendy, yes? I'm willing to compromise my values!
Comics
* I already own the individual issues of Whatever Happened To The Masked Avenger by Neil Gaiman and one of Whatever Happened To The Man of Tomorrow by Alan Moore, for obvious reasons. But these pretty books that collect all the issues, and apparently some totally random issues with barely any connection at all, are indeed tempting, and were I not hideously broke after an orgy of spending (and trying to scrape together MORE money to spend on MORE things I need to do in this life)I would buy them, because they are wonderful and made of Win. This article is both a review and a summary. I think it's rather hard on Gaiman, but I am biased because he was nice to me and also I want his career really badly.
Nobody should ever say anything bad about Alan Moore. He hears all.
People I Love
* I will not apologize for loving Ricky Gervais. I know people don't, but I don't understand that. I mean, The Office was brilliant and awkward and funny and made me cry unashamedly at the Christmas Special, and Extras was hilarious and wonderful and had some of the best cameos in history (I will never get over Patrick Stewart going, 'But by then.... I've seen everything.') and the Christmas Special made me cry AGAIN, and also it had Doctor Who. And Ghost Town was an underrated goddamn movie that you should see. And if you're still unconvinced, Stephen Merchant is FREAKY tall, and I maybe find that appealing.
Here is a clip of the two men ripping into Ralph Fiennes, who stars in their new movie. I challenge you not to be charmed.
And because it never gets old, or disturbing:
Movie!Fail
* There is nothing worse than having to put a writer/director I love in this category (that's a lie, there are numerous worse things, like zombie clowns, but it's still unfortunate). Except when a writer/director I generally love takes a childhood book that I adore and turns it into a terrifying mockery of all you hold dear. The Fantastic Mr. Fox is a book written by Roald Dahl, and while it's not his best, it's still a charming book that holds a special place in my heart. When I was a substitute teacher, I would reread it during the lunch break, unless I was confiscating my kindergartner's cell phones. Anyway, this is not how I envisioned it. Click the link at your own risk. This reminds me of some of the TV shows I would watch as a child, like the one with the dancing elephant and his horde of singing humans. In retrospect, those shows were twisted beyond words. I predict Roald Dahl will rise from the grave and punish Wes Anderson, and also maybe for The Darjeeling Limited, which should have been MUCH better.
Depression Session
* I didn't even know what a dryer ball WAS until I read this article. So the depression recession is teaching me many things, yay for learning! Here's how you can make your own dryer ball, out of yarn you will make from the fur of your dog, who you will then eat, because there will be no money for food, or dog food, so you will have to be economical. Unless you prefer Mr. Bobo to your children, in which case I do not want to know about it.
TeeVee
* This is a great and funny review/analysis of this week's True Blood, in which, for your humble blogger, Eric totally pwned Vampire Bill, and is now just under Sam on my personal list, in no small part because of how deeply BORED he was by Lafayette running around humping furniture. Eric FTW. I think Eric and Lafayette should be together. FIERCE, yes? But Sam is starting to upset me with his bitchy crawling away, and also the WAITRESS, who I do not TRUST. But I digress.
And as I also said, I would go to one of Maryann's sexy dance parties, with Sam or Eric, at least until people started eating dirt and smearing cake everywhere. In my experience, that's when you quietly exit before the paramedics need to be called because someone tried to jump into a family portrait.
Also, major props for Jason becoming more interesting, and going whole episodes without being naked, which I feel is a huge growing process for him. And Vampire Jesus is a religion I could get behind. Totally unrelated, did you know the actor who plays Jason is British? I did not.
Journalism
* Once again, everyone on CNN is at their laptops Tweeting, and everyone on MSNBC is trying to calm down Pat Buchanan, who is maybe trying to eat Levi Johnston for offending his girl Palin, and everyone on FOX is screaming about the gay liberal apocalypse army, so I am forced to use The Daily Show to expose the serious and menacing news of Bernie Madoff's new Ponzi scheme.
Daily Hot Guy
* Today we celebrate the birth of Jackie Earle Haley, AKA Rorschach, AKA Ronnie in Little Children, AKA The Sekrit Ninja of My Soul, AKA, Look, he's awesome and he's NICE, and I'm so happy he made a comeback because I was so in love with him as a little girl when he was in Bad News Bears. He and Corey Feldman owned my heart. I was born in 1986, what do you want from me?
[To celebrate, go rent Little Children, or if you can't handle the overwhelming level of sad, watch Breaking Away. Or Semi-Pro, which sucks except for our boy JEH. Happy birthday, Jackie Earle Haley! Thank you for playing Rorschach, and being be genius, and also proving short people ROCK so fiercely]
Wow
[Found at Neatorama]
* This immediately makes me think of Empire Records, when on character had glued scattered change to the floor, and Warren was trying to pick it up, and failing due to glue, and this conversation took place:
Warren: Who glued these quarters down?
A.J.: I did.
Warren: What the hell for, man?
A.J.: I don't feel the need to explain my art to you, Warren.
I loved that movie. So nineties. And I still like Rory Cochrane, who played Lucas, which should not surprise anyone who has ever read this blog. And he was in Public Enemies, hurrah!
Geek Want
[Found at TheWorldsBestEver]
I have no reason to want this, except that every girl likes pretending to be a spy sometimes, like Carmen Sandiego.
Politics
* I really hope Dick Cheney has seen the Star Wars movies, because otherwise he is missing a plethora of Emperor jokes that would enrage him. So much evil in such a wrinkled little man. He hates Obama, and America, and you, and puppies, and kitties, and probably eats unicorn horns so that he would live forever. I have no proof of that last one, except when was the last time YOU saw a unicorn? Airtight logic.
* Obama is not bombing the shit out of Iran, because clearly that would be helpful and solve EVERYTHING going on there with the elections. He is awful, isn't he?
* Oh Glenn Beck, I love you so. You are so DUMB. This is not an opinion. This is a statement of fact. You are supposed to know things about politics, yes? This is in theory why you have a TV show and make monies and why I am TYPING about you on my blog? Yet you did not know that on the first day of a confirmation hearing, everyone makes statements. There is no questioning. Meaning your freaking out and declaring our country DOOMED, DOOMED I SAYS, because Obama swindled the hearings to prevent questioning of his pick, is kind of misplaced and embarrassing. For you, at least. Not for me. For me it's funny. Have you been hanging out with Dick Cheney? I hear he throws AWESOME keggers.
* You thought I was kidding when I said Pat Buchanan was in a tiff over Levi Johnston questioning the integrity of Mrs. Sarah Palin, didn't you? Well, I wasn't. I never kid about anything. Politics are SERIOUS BUSINESS. In case you were wondering, this is one of the reasons I love Pat Buchanan. Maybe he should come celebrate Hunter Thompson' birthday with me. According to the survey, I'm getting sloppy drunk and humiliating myself, for you people.
* Barack Obama's teleprompter broke during a speech. He immediately started screaming, crying, and shaking a fist at the sky while stuttering, until another teleprompter was brought out. After a tearful reunion, the speech continued per usual. Parenthetically, why are the Republicans insane about teleprompters? They do know that Obama has some idea of what's coming on the teleprompter before he starts a speech, right? That the teleprompters don't just spew out random sentences, yes? I mean, George W. Bush used teleprompters. He also choked on a pretzel. OH NOES, pretzels are going to kill Obama! In conclusion, I do not comprehend what the hell is the deal with teleprompter fear. They are our friends. Not like those damn pretzels.
- LV
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