Blog* if you have ever been on YouTube or Facebook, you know this to be true. Title is from Eric, by Terry Pratchett, years before the interwebs destroyed grammar.YouTube Wonders* This is a video from the new Sears Tower ledge:This is the 103rd floor. IN THE AIR. I need a moment to stop screaming/crying at the idea of being left out on that ledge for any period of time. HOLY SHIT.Books* Here's a list of science fiction books that effectively started their own genres. Now I need to read
and see the birth of steampunk, because steampunk is win. And of course everyone should read Neuromancer, because WIlliam Gibson knows things about the future.* It's Sunday, and I am trying to have a fabulous day. Because I haven't had a really sensational twenty-four hours in a while, and I'm due. This sort of thing isn't helping me at all. Lauren Conrad, who is on that show which I have never seen because I like my brain, has written a book. And it's number one on the Best-Seller list. For the second week. And now people are wondering if perhaps she's the next Stephenie Meyers, which normally I would find FUNNY, except that I have been working on my own book since October of last year, and I am starting to get twitchy when anyone mentions Microsoft word OR vampires, and it's HARD to write a book, and if Ms. Conrad did that I applaud her, but realistically it was some slob like me who is hungry enough to accept all the hard work without any of the credit. I just.... THIS IS DEPRESSING. This girl can't string two sentences together, and she seems to be in some Epic Battle with Spencer Pratt, is the internet can be trusted, and she has money and clothes, and is she the one who made out with Chris Pine? BECAUSE SHE HAS ENOUGH. I JUST WANT TO PUBLISH A BOOK AND GET MY OWN PLACE. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK, MS. CONRAD? OR DO YOU WANT MY PARENT'S HOUSE TOO? But mainly I'm annoyed becauseA) Even if my book sucks, there are so many wonderful authors that get ignored because some dumb celebrity wants to be a 'writer,' Have you heard of Will Christopher Baer? No? Exactly.B) If Stephenie Meyers has started a new trend of shit writing that will dominate the publishing world for years to come, someone needs to get me a large amount of crack cocaine, stat. I frown on drug use, but it's either that or I start SLAPPING people.C) Yes, I'm partly annoyed because my book isn't done, and even if I ever DO finish it, I can admit it's not very good, and probably won't get published, and if it does Alan Moore will travel to my house and laugh in my face, and that will be terribly sad.D) The title of her book is stupid.Vampires* True Blood comes back tonight. I think it would be funny if Bill and Sam made out. Just putting that out there, Alan Ball.* YES. THIS IS WHAT I NEED IN MY LIFE:[Found at Neatorama]That's a shiv crucifix, used in prisons to defend yourself against evil priests, I guess. BUT HOW PERFECT WOULD THIS BE AGAINST VAMPIRES? Especially if your vampires are sensitive to silver, which mine may be, possibly. I don't know. They don't like fire. We established that last chapter. There are other weapons too, but I'm still excited over the idea of the shiv crucifix. One of my characters used to be a priest. IRONY.People I Love* This is the editor lady of Italian Vogue.[Found at Gawker]I love this woman. Seriously. If she was wearing a turban (WHICH SHE MIGHT BE, or a headband), I would ask her to adopt me. This is exactly what I want to be like when I'm old. You reach a certain age, and you say, 'Fuck it. I've survived this long, GAME OVER. I'm doing whatever I want and eating what I want and my hair and makeup will make you think of CLOWNS and if you piss me off I will beat you with my colostomy bag.' Man, I can't WAIT to be old and senile.Movie!Fail* This crisis has been averted, but it still scares me. If Justin Timberlake had been cast as the Green Lantern, how long would it be before the Jonas Brothers insisted on playing the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? YOU KNOW THIS WOULD HAPPEN. And I have to admit, I was rooting for Bradley Cooper. Not just because he is stupidly attractive, but because he really does seem more suited for the role. Not that I'm complaining about Ryan Reynolds. He's got nice arms, and I really enjoyed him in Blade: Trinity. Mainly because he was chained shirtless to the floor while Parker Posey screeched at him, but that' besides the point.Depression Session* The depression recession may get everyone laid, because of desperation, I don't know, the article was very long. Oh, it's because we are all sad about not having any money, so we're going to have sex to forget the fact that we're hungry. Yeah. The media is really scraping the bottom of the barrel, isn't it?TeeVee* And you thought TV was violent now:[Found at Geekologie]There are more here, but mysteriously there is not one of Wile E. Coyote chowing down on Road Runner, and for that I am very sad.Journalism* Sigh. I am tired of these articles about how the internet is killing journalism. It isn't. It may be forcing journalism to adapt quickly to a new and untried medium, but it isn't KILLING it. Like television did not kill books (we are NOT DISCUSSING THE HILLS GIRL AND HER BOOK OF FAIL ANYMORE.), and TV did not kill the radio. I think some of these fear is justified - people getting news from unreliable sources written by people who have only a passing concept of spelling does not bode well for general knowledge. And it would be nice if the magazine industry wasn't going to collapse. But I can't help but feel that at least PART of this whole panic has to do with older journalists having anxiety attacks over Twitter and HTML and blogs, and not really understanding what they're doing. This article tries to be different, and insists that the internet is ultimately just committing suicide, and soon there will be no writing and we'll be writing on cave walls again, while Harlan Ellison laughs and laughs.Wow* This is a pretty castle made out of paper:[Found at Neatorama]I make bowls out of magazines.... Yeah, I'll just sit quietly and appreciate.Geek Want* I really think I should just make a whole category based on the things I will one day by that will irretrievably screw up my children. Because they will have one of these:[Found at BoingBoing]LOOK HOW HAPPY THE LITTLE BABY IS IN HER EYEBALL MONSTER CAR. It's CUTE. The baby, not the car.'Come on Rorschach, Jr. come to Mommy!'Also if it has its own categories, Child Services will have a much easier time setting up a case. I like to think of others.Daily Hot Guy[Bruce Springsteen, AKA The Boss. I'm from New Jersey. I apologize for NOTHING]Politics* Because Sonia Sotomayor belongs to a women's group, she is a sexist person and unfit for office, or America, because only menfolk are allowed to have exclusive clubs, and this means she is trying to keep rich white men DOWN, and are we going to STAND for that?* Because of this article by the International Society of Supervillains, I kind of suspect that if Mark Sandford had worn a top hat during his press conference, we would have given him a raise. Also if he hadn't cried like Nite Owl in his basement after Penis Fail '85.* It is juvenile and unprofessional to make Dick Cheney 'dick' jokes. Until it comes out that he is linked to covering up the CIA program of Evil Mystery. Then it is not only mature, it is wise and rational. HOW MUCH MORE VILE CAN ONE PERSON BECOME? Is there no depths he will sink to? Mr. Cheney: Machiavelli did not write The Prince about you in particular, no matter how much you'd like to believe that. Also you make children cry and even George W. Bush wants you to go away forever, you sad, senile old monster. Please don't kill/sue me, I have a busy week. But seriously: dick jokes? Whoever submits the best one gets to.... not be shot in the face by the former Vice President. Oh, God, Joe Biden, I love you more than ever because you don't make people WEEP.* Sarah Palin went on a radio show about guns and chatted with Ted Nugent. I want those two to release a CD together. "Guns a Palin"? "Semi-AutoNugent Palin"? I can't think up a good pun, but you guys should. Because I couldn't make up shit like this if I TRIED. Nor would I want to.I wrote a really funny thing here, but Blogger ate it and I am upset now, so I am not going to rewrite it until something else good happens today, at which point I will be so filled with joy and light that the internet will dance on the head of a pin with angels who look like Hugh Laurie. Or something.- LV
and see the birth of steampunk, because steampunk is win. And of course everyone should read Neuromancer, because WIlliam Gibson knows things about the future.* It's Sunday, and I am trying to have a fabulous day. Because I haven't had a really sensational twenty-four hours in a while, and I'm due. This sort of thing isn't helping me at all. Lauren Conrad, who is on that show which I have never seen because I like my brain, has written a book. And it's number one on the Best-Seller list. For the second week. And now people are wondering if perhaps she's the next Stephenie Meyers, which normally I would find FUNNY, except that I have been working on my own book since October of last year, and I am starting to get twitchy when anyone mentions Microsoft word OR vampires, and it's HARD to write a book, and if Ms. Conrad did that I applaud her, but realistically it was some slob like me who is hungry enough to accept all the hard work without any of the credit. I just.... THIS IS DEPRESSING. This girl can't string two sentences together, and she seems to be in some Epic Battle with Spencer Pratt, is the internet can be trusted, and she has money and clothes, and is she the one who made out with Chris Pine? BECAUSE SHE HAS ENOUGH. I JUST WANT TO PUBLISH A BOOK AND GET MY OWN PLACE. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK, MS. CONRAD? OR DO YOU WANT MY PARENT'S HOUSE TOO? But mainly I'm annoyed becauseA) Even if my book sucks, there are so many wonderful authors that get ignored because some dumb celebrity wants to be a 'writer,' Have you heard of Will Christopher Baer? No? Exactly.B) If Stephenie Meyers has started a new trend of shit writing that will dominate the publishing world for years to come, someone needs to get me a large amount of crack cocaine, stat. I frown on drug use, but it's either that or I start SLAPPING people.C) Yes, I'm partly annoyed because my book isn't done, and even if I ever DO finish it, I can admit it's not very good, and probably won't get published, and if it does Alan Moore will travel to my house and laugh in my face, and that will be terribly sad.D) The title of her book is stupid.Vampires* True Blood comes back tonight. I think it would be funny if Bill and Sam made out. Just putting that out there, Alan Ball.* YES. THIS IS WHAT I NEED IN MY LIFE:[Found at Neatorama]That's a shiv crucifix, used in prisons to defend yourself against evil priests, I guess. BUT HOW PERFECT WOULD THIS BE AGAINST VAMPIRES? Especially if your vampires are sensitive to silver, which mine may be, possibly. I don't know. They don't like fire. We established that last chapter. There are other weapons too, but I'm still excited over the idea of the shiv crucifix. One of my characters used to be a priest. IRONY.People I Love* This is the editor lady of Italian Vogue.[Found at Gawker]I love this woman. Seriously. If she was wearing a turban (WHICH SHE MIGHT BE, or a headband), I would ask her to adopt me. This is exactly what I want to be like when I'm old. You reach a certain age, and you say, 'Fuck it. I've survived this long, GAME OVER. I'm doing whatever I want and eating what I want and my hair and makeup will make you think of CLOWNS and if you piss me off I will beat you with my colostomy bag.' Man, I can't WAIT to be old and senile.Movie!Fail* This crisis has been averted, but it still scares me. If Justin Timberlake had been cast as the Green Lantern, how long would it be before the Jonas Brothers insisted on playing the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? YOU KNOW THIS WOULD HAPPEN. And I have to admit, I was rooting for Bradley Cooper. Not just because he is stupidly attractive, but because he really does seem more suited for the role. Not that I'm complaining about Ryan Reynolds. He's got nice arms, and I really enjoyed him in Blade: Trinity. Mainly because he was chained shirtless to the floor while Parker Posey screeched at him, but that' besides the point.Depression Session* The depression recession may get everyone laid, because of desperation, I don't know, the article was very long. Oh, it's because we are all sad about not having any money, so we're going to have sex to forget the fact that we're hungry. Yeah. The media is really scraping the bottom of the barrel, isn't it?TeeVee* And you thought TV was violent now:[Found at Geekologie]There are more here, but mysteriously there is not one of Wile E. Coyote chowing down on Road Runner, and for that I am very sad.Journalism* Sigh. I am tired of these articles about how the internet is killing journalism. It isn't. It may be forcing journalism to adapt quickly to a new and untried medium, but it isn't KILLING it. Like television did not kill books (we are NOT DISCUSSING THE HILLS GIRL AND HER BOOK OF FAIL ANYMORE.), and TV did not kill the radio. I think some of these fear is justified - people getting news from unreliable sources written by people who have only a passing concept of spelling does not bode well for general knowledge. And it would be nice if the magazine industry wasn't going to collapse. But I can't help but feel that at least PART of this whole panic has to do with older journalists having anxiety attacks over Twitter and HTML and blogs, and not really understanding what they're doing. This article tries to be different, and insists that the internet is ultimately just committing suicide, and soon there will be no writing and we'll be writing on cave walls again, while Harlan Ellison laughs and laughs.Wow* This is a pretty castle made out of paper:[Found at Neatorama]I make bowls out of magazines.... Yeah, I'll just sit quietly and appreciate.Geek Want* I really think I should just make a whole category based on the things I will one day by that will irretrievably screw up my children. Because they will have one of these:[Found at BoingBoing]LOOK HOW HAPPY THE LITTLE BABY IS IN HER EYEBALL MONSTER CAR. It's CUTE. The baby, not the car.'Come on Rorschach, Jr. come to Mommy!'Also if it has its own categories, Child Services will have a much easier time setting up a case. I like to think of others.Daily Hot Guy[Bruce Springsteen, AKA The Boss. I'm from New Jersey. I apologize for NOTHING]Politics* Because Sonia Sotomayor belongs to a women's group, she is a sexist person and unfit for office, or America, because only menfolk are allowed to have exclusive clubs, and this means she is trying to keep rich white men DOWN, and are we going to STAND for that?* Because of this article by the International Society of Supervillains, I kind of suspect that if Mark Sandford had worn a top hat during his press conference, we would have given him a raise. Also if he hadn't cried like Nite Owl in his basement after Penis Fail '85.* It is juvenile and unprofessional to make Dick Cheney 'dick' jokes. Until it comes out that he is linked to covering up the CIA program of Evil Mystery. Then it is not only mature, it is wise and rational. HOW MUCH MORE VILE CAN ONE PERSON BECOME? Is there no depths he will sink to? Mr. Cheney: Machiavelli did not write The Prince about you in particular, no matter how much you'd like to believe that. Also you make children cry and even George W. Bush wants you to go away forever, you sad, senile old monster. Please don't kill/sue me, I have a busy week. But seriously: dick jokes? Whoever submits the best one gets to.... not be shot in the face by the former Vice President. Oh, God, Joe Biden, I love you more than ever because you don't make people WEEP.* Sarah Palin went on a radio show about guns and chatted with Ted Nugent. I want those two to release a CD together. "Guns a Palin"? "Semi-AutoNugent Palin"? I can't think up a good pun, but you guys should. Because I couldn't make up shit like this if I TRIED. Nor would I want to.I wrote a really funny thing here, but Blogger ate it and I am upset now, so I am not going to rewrite it until something else good happens today, at which point I will be so filled with joy and light that the internet will dance on the head of a pin with angels who look like Hugh Laurie. Or something.- LV
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