Blog* Title is from Small Gods, by Terry Pratchett.* I generally scour the internet so you don't have to, and find all the shit you should know about. I'm assuming you know about Naps In The Library, because it is that wonderful. The author, Stina, doesn't JUST write fantastic horror pieces that might make me a little jealous, because it's not fair she's so talented. She also writes funny and fascinating pieces on being an author, the nature of fear, and life in general. It's also a remarkable look at someone breaking into publishing. I would hate her, if she weren't made of awesome, and probably a techno-wizard herself, and they are not really the people you want to piss off. But if she IS a techno-wizard, she should be SHARING her powers with me. My vampire book just stopped. Anyway, go read her, and marvel.Animals[Found at UniqueDaily]The mommy duck stepped on her baby duck. I think if human parents did this, kids would be more well-behaved, and not be possessed by aliens. The baby duck was fine, so it's totally OK to laugh at its. My mother is now singing a song about baby ducks. I immediately regret the posting of this picture.Daily Hot Guy[Jeffrey Donovan, AKA Michael from
, who you all know from his DUI, but who I know as the most badass spy in the country]Apocalypse How?* There's a lot of shit to be scared of. Believe me, I know. Oh, I know. So here's a website that tells you what you need to be afraid of, so you don't have to waste valuable time reading news stories or formulating your own opinions. SWINE FLU. IRAN. RUN.TwiHate* There's a Twilight board game. [Found at Geekologie]The idea of people sitting around playing this actually makes me so sad that I will not mock it. I hope you enjoy your game, TwiHards. I really, really do.Girly ShitI want these shoes, and these pantyhose. [Found at ShoeLust]I probably wouldn't wear them at the same time, like this girl, because it might cause seizures. Music* You may laugh at Lady Gaga, but do YOU have the balls to walk around with an artist's palette made of hair on your head?[Found at DailyMail]Yeah. I didn't think so. And if you DO laugh, she takes off the platte and throws it at you, and BLADES come out of the sides and she decapitates you, like in
, which I sincerely wish existed.Watchmen* Oh, what is this? Is it clips from the Blu-Ray Orgasm Edition of Watchmen that I CAN'T WATCH BECAUSE OF TECHNOLOGY? Fine, I'll post it. But REALLY. I think I deserve the Ultimate Movie edition, don't you? I own three copies of the comic, INCLUDING the Absolute Edition. I saw it four times in theaters. I crossed state lines to see the Director's Cut (OK, I met someone who flew from another country, but STILL, I had to take New Jersey TRANSIT). I have chunks memorized. I HAVE A WATCHMEN TATTOO. WHAT MORE DO I NEED TO DO TO GET THIS DVD, ZACK SNYDER? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? You know, Mr. Snyder, Jesus would want you to GIVE me a Blu-Ray player. And a copy of the DVD. And he'd want you to deliver it to me. With Jackie Earle Haley. Shirtless. What? It's in the Bible. No, you can't read it. It's my Bible. Good Bible.Tattoo Of Win[Found at LOLTATZ]Food* As you know if you've read this blog EVER, I like my coffee. Coffee is the life-force. If it comes out that coffee is bad for you, you cannot tell me. I need coffee in my life to be OK. Seriously, I am barely human in the morning when I write this stuff. Without coffee, I'd be trying to climb into the TV to throttle the reporters from CNN, instead of sitting here yelling at them. What I'm trying to say is that I need this:[Found at IncredibleThings]It's a coffee tote. It carries four cups of coffee. Theoretically, I could have eight cups of coffee with me. Just for me. I'd need it all. The rest of you will have to find your own caffeinated joy. If you buy me these, I'll take pictures of me carting around cups of coffee, for fun and entertainment, yes?Words of Win[Found at FrigginRandom]This is mostly funny because someone had to stand there and adhere the milk to the door. Think about it.YouTube Wonders* If people try to tow your car, you can beg, plead, offer sex or drugs, lay down in front of the car, call your lawyer, or you can do this:Tell me: which will land you on the Throne of Awesome?Hunter S. Thompson* This is Johnny Depp reading a letter from Hunter S. Thompson:My happy has no beginning, and no end.Books* Here is a great article on literary obsessions/crushes. Which I clearly am a big fan of (except with . I also kind of adore Albert Camus. The Plague is a beautiful book. You should be reading it, right now. Well, once you finish this blog. In other news, I figured out DVR, meaning I am like Jesus only short and female and with an attitude problem. And other differences. And Torchwood is the best show ever, because SPOILERS FOLLOWING FOR DAY TWO: Ianto STOLE A GODDAMN ROOM, AND WAS DRESSED LIKE THE VILLAGE PEOPLE, AND DROPPED THE CEMENT ROOM, AND JACK WAS NAKED, EXCEPT AMERICA WAS NOT ALLOWED TO SEE HIS ASSCRACK.SPOILERS FOR DAY TWO END.Now I have to go to work, which is also Win. But I just choked on coffee, and that is fail. Such is life.- LV
, who you all know from his DUI, but who I know as the most badass spy in the country]Apocalypse How?* There's a lot of shit to be scared of. Believe me, I know. Oh, I know. So here's a website that tells you what you need to be afraid of, so you don't have to waste valuable time reading news stories or formulating your own opinions. SWINE FLU. IRAN. RUN.TwiHate* There's a Twilight board game. [Found at Geekologie]The idea of people sitting around playing this actually makes me so sad that I will not mock it. I hope you enjoy your game, TwiHards. I really, really do.Girly ShitI want these shoes, and these pantyhose. [Found at ShoeLust]I probably wouldn't wear them at the same time, like this girl, because it might cause seizures. Music* You may laugh at Lady Gaga, but do YOU have the balls to walk around with an artist's palette made of hair on your head?[Found at DailyMail]Yeah. I didn't think so. And if you DO laugh, she takes off the platte and throws it at you, and BLADES come out of the sides and she decapitates you, like in
, which I sincerely wish existed.Watchmen* Oh, what is this? Is it clips from the Blu-Ray Orgasm Edition of Watchmen that I CAN'T WATCH BECAUSE OF TECHNOLOGY? Fine, I'll post it. But REALLY. I think I deserve the Ultimate Movie edition, don't you? I own three copies of the comic, INCLUDING the Absolute Edition. I saw it four times in theaters. I crossed state lines to see the Director's Cut (OK, I met someone who flew from another country, but STILL, I had to take New Jersey TRANSIT). I have chunks memorized. I HAVE A WATCHMEN TATTOO. WHAT MORE DO I NEED TO DO TO GET THIS DVD, ZACK SNYDER? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? You know, Mr. Snyder, Jesus would want you to GIVE me a Blu-Ray player. And a copy of the DVD. And he'd want you to deliver it to me. With Jackie Earle Haley. Shirtless. What? It's in the Bible. No, you can't read it. It's my Bible. Good Bible.Tattoo Of Win[Found at LOLTATZ]Food* As you know if you've read this blog EVER, I like my coffee. Coffee is the life-force. If it comes out that coffee is bad for you, you cannot tell me. I need coffee in my life to be OK. Seriously, I am barely human in the morning when I write this stuff. Without coffee, I'd be trying to climb into the TV to throttle the reporters from CNN, instead of sitting here yelling at them. What I'm trying to say is that I need this:[Found at IncredibleThings]It's a coffee tote. It carries four cups of coffee. Theoretically, I could have eight cups of coffee with me. Just for me. I'd need it all. The rest of you will have to find your own caffeinated joy. If you buy me these, I'll take pictures of me carting around cups of coffee, for fun and entertainment, yes?Words of Win[Found at FrigginRandom]This is mostly funny because someone had to stand there and adhere the milk to the door. Think about it.YouTube Wonders* If people try to tow your car, you can beg, plead, offer sex or drugs, lay down in front of the car, call your lawyer, or you can do this:Tell me: which will land you on the Throne of Awesome?Hunter S. Thompson* This is Johnny Depp reading a letter from Hunter S. Thompson:My happy has no beginning, and no end.Books* Here is a great article on literary obsessions/crushes. Which I clearly am a big fan of (except with . I also kind of adore Albert Camus. The Plague is a beautiful book. You should be reading it, right now. Well, once you finish this blog. In other news, I figured out DVR, meaning I am like Jesus only short and female and with an attitude problem. And other differences. And Torchwood is the best show ever, because SPOILERS FOLLOWING FOR DAY TWO: Ianto STOLE A GODDAMN ROOM, AND WAS DRESSED LIKE THE VILLAGE PEOPLE, AND DROPPED THE CEMENT ROOM, AND JACK WAS NAKED, EXCEPT AMERICA WAS NOT ALLOWED TO SEE HIS ASSCRACK.SPOILERS FOR DAY TWO END.Now I have to go to work, which is also Win. But I just choked on coffee, and that is fail. Such is life.- LV
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