Ugh.

I am totally sick with some mysterious wasting virus which apparently makes everything INSIDE my body desperate to get OUTSIDE my body by any means possible. I think it was featured on an episode of Firefly (and if the SHOW HADN'T BEEN CANCELLED I'D KNOW THE CURE).

In between being sick, I also keep belching.

So while I am overwhelmed with misery and pain, and unable to get more than fifty feet from the bathroom without extreme panic attacks, I humbly offer you all this funny article on what had better be the best movie ever. It made me laugh.

Then I hurled again.

Happy Holidays!
- LV

moreless

Not Even An Update, It Is So Small And Quick!

I am working on my year-end book reviews (and trying to keep them short and coherent), and reading two books I need to review, and working on an article, and preparing for the holidays, and writing, and substitute teaching.

So expect a BUNCH of book reviews coming up, but less babbling from me for the moment, as I am busy AND tired.

But to make up for it, I present to you the cutest mouse ever in the history of the universe:


more animals
You're welcome.
- LV

moreless

I Scream For Snow!

Huzzah for a full day off from EVERYTHING. The snow effectively cancelled school, trapped me in the home with books, and I drank tea and read and did NOTHING of consequence. NOTHING. It was AWESOME.

I'm reading about five books at once. I don't quite know how this happened. I'd list them all, but at the moment they escape me.

American Pastoral is located in an imaginary town very close to my real town. Which is cool, and unsettling, because my town is so freakishly small that even knowing about the larger nearby towns makes me feel violated. STAY OUT OF NEW JERSEY, Philip Roth! The book itself is quite good - it took a long time to get into it (nearly seventy pages), but now I'm sucked in.

I'm also reading Interesting Times. Rincewind has always been my second favorite Discworld character, but I've never felt his books have lived up to the fun of his character. Even when he had great lines, the story itself was never up to par (see Sourcery, even though it had some good bits). With Interesting Times, I finally feel like the story is worthy of the character. Both are perfect. Also, on a personal level, I had a running joke in high school where I would say, "I'm sorry, I got excited, I thought I saw a potato" (please, please don't ask), so the potato joke filled me with a starchy sort of glee.

I need to wrap presents, and drink more tea. Tea and books are great. So is snow, even if I do freeze my ass off every time I step outside for a cigarette.

Finally, I used all my charm and feminine wiles to get some pizza dough tonight. Interpret that as you will.
- ElleVee

moreless

Life Lessons

My phone is in the shop. I miss it. I feel naked without. I keep feeling like I've lost it, and desperately searching around for it, only to remember it's at the phone hospital. Then I stand there like an ass.

It's snowing a lot. I love the snow. I'm a lunch aid tomorrow, which amounts to just three hours of work, but I honestly don't mind the reduced pay for a day (especially since Thursday I have a kindergarten class for a whole day) since I'm a bit under the weather. Plus, I've worked every day this week (I know it's Tuesday, but after a near-year without a daily job, working three and a half guaranteed days seems like a lot), and with the weather being what it is, I'll most likely work on Friday as well. Bad weather means good times for the substitutes of the world.

I got my Early Review book from LibraryThing. It's Three Minutes On Love by Roccie Hill. Despite the awful title, so far the book is surprisingly good. It's also a nice contrast to Soul Music, which also deals with rock music (or Music With Rocks In).

Anyone else think Robert Downey, Jr. got shafted by the Golden Globes for Iron Man? And don't lay that Tropic Thunder shit on me - Tom Cruise got a goddamn nomination for it to. It was a really fun movie, but that's hardly the point, is it?

It's cold. And I miss my phone. I'll get it back tomorrow, fingers crossed. But huzzah for sleeping in! And huzzah for snow!
- LV

Edit: How the HELL did I get 91 hits yesterday? Where did all these people come from? WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT DO YOU WANT WITH ME?! Or was that just me reformatting? Hmmm....

moreless

Education Is Good

Kindergartners are awesome. Like, totally amazing. They operate on a wholly different level from any other child. And they're exhausting, and violent, and loud, and hyper. But great. I really enjoy teaching them, and they're small and cute and funny, and I can actually help them with their math.

My phone has been possessed. I can now receive text messages, and send them, but regular phone calls keep going directly to voice mail. No matter WHAT I do. I'm hoping that when I get paid I can take it in and get it fixed. That would make me deliriously happy. To, you know, be able to actually talk to my friends. Beyond text messages. Even though I love texting, and prefer it to most modern communication.

I did my holiday shopping today. And got it ALL done. And didn't even buy myself anything in Borders, which may be an historic event worthy of news reports and a witty aside by Stephen Colbert. I'm just saying.

The only downside to teaching is that at the end of the day, I'm ready for bed. I'm utterly wiped out. You're running around and have to be peppy and excited and happy and deal with a thousand and one crises, and you're not allowed to curse because the kids' heads will EXPLODE so I say 'Gosh' a lot, and you need to remember which kids will DIE if they eat peanuts and which kids need reading assistance and which kids communicate by throwing BLOCKS OF WOOD at each others' heads and... it's a lot.

But it's also the best job I've ever had.
- LV

moreless

I'm Not Sure How I Feel About This

So, apparently my late husband Hunter S. Thompson's real-life widow Anita is considering using his sperm to have a baby.

For those of you living under a rock, the Good Doctor died three years ago. He also has a son who has a son. So this kid would be born to a dead father, a half-brother, and a nephew several years older than him.

I'm refraining from commenting, because all jokes about me being Hunter Thompson's spirit widow aside, the situation weirds me out in a big way. And yet, at the same time, I kind of think he'd find the whole thing funny. No, I mustn't get involved. that way lies madness.

In other news, my phone is a piece of SHIT. WHY can I not MAKE OUTGOING CALLS?!

In still other news, I now own 900 books, and am checking myself into a Promises-style rehab program as soon as one exists for book junkies.
- LV

moreless

Did Something Happen To Blogger?

Or have I been too busy and sleepy to notice? This is very likely. I don't like it. How do I post pictures? How do I do anything? I feel like someone came in and rearranged all my furniture while I was at work! Who do I complain to?! And what the everloving hell is a MIME Type? There are many things I know. That is not one of them.

Edit: It appears to be working now. BUT FOR HOW LONG?!

Little kids are strange. I'm sure I've said it before, and will again, but hey, it's true. Here is a conversation I had three minutes after walking into a kindergarten class:
LV: Hi, I'm Miss Elle-
Kid 1: Are you married?
LV: I... what?
Kid 2: Are you married?
LV: Um... no.
Kid 1: Why not?
Kid 2: Are you engaged?
Kid 1: Do you have a boyfriend?
LV: Uh... have you been talking to my grandmother?

Then they insisted on calling me 'Mrs.' all day, despite my gentle reminders of singledom. According to the other young single teacher, they do this to all women. It's just their way. But isn't that weird? Are all adults married in the minds of children? When did this start?

My phone is still out of control, and my Gmail has collapsed for reasons I can't begin to suss out.

It's raining and cold and foggy out. But I am warm, for once, and shall make tea and popcorn after a dinner of soup, and all will be well.

I went to Borders today, ostensibly to buy a planner. And I did, and it's perfect and beautiful and only cost twenty bucks. Then I bought books. Of course:
* Reading Lolita in Tehran: A Memoir in Books - Azar Nafisi
* Long Way Gone: Memoirs of a Boy Soldier - Ishmael Beah
* Interesting Times - Terry Pratchett.

I'm trying to read more non-fiction. And finish the Discworld series. I still have thirteen or so books to buy before I own them all. I'm so happy - it will take me some time, since I only allow myself to read one at a time, so theoretically if Terry Pratchett doesn't get any sicker and writes a lot, my book supply could last another year or two. Is that a shallow reason for me to wish the man health? Yes, but I doubt he cares.

Why does everything that isn't a book BREAK when I look at it? The internet is wonky, my phone HATES me for complicated reasons, and even the TV is flickering ominously. Maybe I have a poltergeist.

I'm working tomorrow, then I get to enjoy a blessed weekend of- no, wait, scratch that. I have to spend the weekend with my grandparents and other assorted relatives, because my older cousin is getting married (so guess who gets to hear the 'spinster speech' yet again? I've told my grandmother very calmly that if Hugh Laurie gets a divorce, or if James Franco or Adrien Grenier calls her, I will be married in a heartbeat. But barring that, there's slim pickings for eligible men-folk in Jersey. Besides, I'm 22 (almost 23 - ugh), and it's not like people my age should be getting married anyway, generally. She makes me feel like I'm forty-five, and obligated to provide a male heir to a fading empire). I'll bring a lot of books, and my broken phone, and try to make it through with a touch of dignity.

I'm hungry. Is dinner ready yet?
- LV

moreless