Jane Austen Is Dead. Fucking Deal With It.

There are entirely too many sequels to PRIDE AND PREJUDICE. Like, seriously. Darcy and Elizabeth have children. Darcy and Elizabeth solve murders. Darcy and Elizabeth have marital woes, and Darcy runs off with the werewolf babes from erotic horror. I came within an inch of setting a whole pile of 'sequels' on fire. I'm not kidding. I stood there for several minutes seriously pondering how much trouble I would get into if I burned the fucking pile. And I'm not endorsing book burning. I just didn't want to have to shelve another fucking book with the word 'Darcy' on the cover. Who cares? Are these books any good? I just don't see the point. Why a sequel? Why ruin a great ending? Everything ended perfectly. I don't care if they had kids, or didn't, or solved mysteries or fucking slaughtered puppies. That's why books are great; they stop. You don't have to continue on with the mundane, boring details. It ends, and you use your imagination after that. Fucking unbelievable.In other news, my phone completely died, and I had to get a new one. For reasons I'll never fully understand, the only free phone I could get was a Blackberry Pearl. I'm terrified of it. I have no idea how to work it, it makes terrifying noises, and I keep expecting it to start flashing and take over the world. The robot uprising will occur in my basement apartment. Lock up your microwaves. I miss my old crappy phone. I knew exactly what was broken; this one works, and I don't know why.I'm watching STARDUST MEMORIES right now, unable to move except for my fingers. I like it, but it's not his best work by any stretch of the imagination. The visuals are lovely, per usual. But I'm still bitter that my life isn't a Woody Allen movie. Could I SUE him for ruining my life by making MANHATTAN? Would that hold up in court? Would burning the PRIDE AND PREJUDICE sequels help? Could I do it anyway? Think these thoughts for me.- LV

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