Blog* Just wait until you hear the song about him, Simon. Title is from Firefly.Jersey!Fail* Wow. My state is really going for some sort of Shame Award:
The brand-new, $185 million public high school in New Brunswick will have energy-providing solar panels on the roof, state-of-the-art lighting for its athletic fields and touch-sensitive, internet-connected "Smart Boards" instead of traditional blackboards.But when it opened last week, it didn’t have a couple of comparatively low-tech necessities — a crosswalk and a stoplight.Really? We forgot a CROSSWALK? Are the kids supposed to get home by osmosis? Is this the Xavier Institute? Because that would be cool, actually.Life Lessons* This may be funny to me solely because my father is a vegan, my mother is a vegetarian, and I am an omnivore who loves bacon and mayonnaise and sushi:Going green tearing your family apart?Therapists report a rise in domestic disputes over environmental issues.Or I could just be mean.Movie!Win* So, guys, I saw Legion yesterday with the divine MissBanshee. And it was EVERYTHING I hoped it would be and more. I loved it. It was so bad. Like, amazingly, all-encompassingly bad. I loved it. No, you have to understand, we CHEERED when shit went down. And tattooed killer angels with guns, and Charles S. Dutton, and the kid from Sling Blade, and ZOMG it was life-changing. I adored it. I may buy this movie. I would see it again. It was SO TERRIBLE.Crazy-Ass Granny was so CRAZY. Full review will follow, with many exclamation points and a very long, serious look at Paul Bettany and his hot (which I never really noticed before, possibly because he was not made of tattoos and violence and EXPLOSIONS. Maybe he should guest star on Human Target? EXPLODING ANGELS?)PS Yes it got hideous reviews, but these people do not appreciate the batshit insanity, inexplicable plot points, and ANGELS SHOOTING PEOPLE. Plus, did I mention Paul Bettany is a total badass?Wow* I can't decide if this is the funniest story of the week, or the most frightening story of the month:
Man Rams Car Into Restaurant, Eats BreakfastInvestigators think Charles Pierce stepped on the gas instead of hitting the brake while trying to park, but instead of panicking and amid all that debris, he calmly got out of the sedan and placed his order.Who the hell is serving this guy breakfast after he PLOWS through a BUILDING? That is the guy I think we should be worried about. Also old people should generally not drive. They are terrifying behind the wheel. Old is whenever you think driving into a BUILDING is no big deal.Animals* THESE GOATS FAINTS:MY LIFE HAS A PURPOSE NOW. FIND THE FAINTING GOATS.Tattoo Of Win* Click here for one of the worst tattoos I have ever seen. And by worst, I mean gross, offensive, and WHO THE HELL GETS THIS BURNED INTO THEIR FLESH? I MEAN, REALLY? WHAT IS GOING THROUGH YOUR MIND? I NEED TO UNDERSTAND THIS.I suppose it's sort of funny, in a sick way, but mostly if I met someone with this tattoo I'd be really, really uncomfortable.It's the one at the bottom of the page, by the way. Flying vaginas are almost QUAINT in comparison.Daily Hot Guy[Paull Bettany, AKA Michael from Legion. I may have a problem with this movie. It was SO TERRIBLE, but he is so sexy and violent and his tattoos are hot, and I am now determined to do a double-feature one night with this movie and From Dusk 'Till Dawn. Also pizza and beer. Who's in?]WTF, INTERNET?* This may be a misplaced article, because it does not make me angry so much as my brain can't really process it, although that may be due to a profound lack of caffeine in my system.Behold, BREAD SHOES:[Found at Inventor Spot]Now, I hate feet, and I love bread, so the idea of feet touching my precious carbohydrates makes me want to RALPH. RALPH, I SAY. I AM NOT PAYING MONEY FOR YOUR GROSS FEET TO TOUCH MY DELICIOUS RYE.Stay tuned for stuff about stuff, MAYBE!- LV
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