Blog* Coach McGuirk is a scion of wisdom and honesty. Title is from Home Movies.Journalism* This is depressing. This journalist, Virginia Heffermnan, her friend is having an affair, so she writes an article about it (even though it's not news-worthy, unless her friend is someone like Tom Hanks, and then it's Major News), and describes his phone like a sexual organ, and admits that journalists always are selling someone out, and that short writers (like me?) are the most vicious because nobody expects it of us. So now I'm depressed. Luckily, she also hates bloggers, so I doubt she'll read this. Wow* This is very pretty:[Found at LikeCool]This is an air balloon rally. And I know I'm famously afraid of flying (famous in the sense that I tell everyone I meet and twitch at the mention of airports), but these won't frighten me. Because you're not super high up, and you're floating, and I UNDERSTAND how the balloons stay up in the air, unlike planes, which I suspect are run on the tears of terrified children.Geek Want* I have wanted a Segway since Gob rode one on
. But I cannot afford one, for many reasons, and also I do not need one, since I have a car. But I still WANT one, dammit, and this is the children's version, and I'm short (5'0") so why can't I have one of these?[Found at IncredibleThings]It's called a Dareway, and it's cute, and I promise if you get me one I won't make the face that little boy is making, or run over someone unless they really, really deserve it. Politics* Jeb Bush gave a very nice interview. I have nothing snarky to say about it. His answers are intelligent and well-reasoned, and I am posting it because I think it's interesting. What? I can't just post things without being vicious and bitchy? You think so little of me. It's very sad. Fine, every time someone mentions Jeb Bush, I think of that line in Family Guy where someone makes a crack about Jeb eating a puppy. Snarky enough for you?* Dear Birthers: Barack Obama is an Australian, and all Australians are CRIMINALS, and also he's white and his name is David, and he's fifty. Because someone Googled birth certificates, and Google is never wrong, except when I type in something innocent like 'shoes' and Google Images interprets it as 'People having sex with farm animals while the farm animals wear shoes.' So clearly Google is always right, and our President is Australian, but all the Australians I've met are very polite, so maybe it's not a big deal, yes? Or maybe, I don't know, this is someone else's birth certificate. I think Democrats and Republicans can find some common ground here, yes? The President is definitely not from Australia. PEACE IN OUR TIME.Awesome* This kid is my hero. He's seven, and he doesn't want to go to church, because kids generally have problems sitting still for more than three seconds unless a TV is involved. So does he have a temper tantrum, as I would have? No. He STEALS THE CAR. And DRIVES AWAY. He is a BAMF. This kid is going places, I tell you. But probably not to church.So little boy, I salute you. Way to be creative in the face of religion.WTF, INTERNET?* I know eventually almost everyone gets varicose veins, but this is not the right response to that inevitability:[Found at LikeCool]Either you have veiny legs, and you don't need these panty hose at all, except to be ironic, which it isn't, or you DON'T have veiny legs, in which case, WHY WOULD YOU WANT VEINY LEGS? EXPLAIN THIS TO ME. People pay a lot of money to get the veininess hidden from their legs. It is a source of shame, whether or not it should be. So how would you feel if you paid all this money to de-vein your legs, and you're really pleased, and you're walking down the street, and then you pass some girl wearing a pair of these? You feel angry, and then you feel violent, and then you're sitting in a gray little room saying, 'I swear, officer, she provoked me.' Then they get all mad. Daily Hot Guy[Ryan Reynolds, chained to the floor in
. This was the best part of the movie. Well, that and Parker Posey's hair]Movie!Win* I keep watching the trailer for Where The Wild Things Are, and getting emotional over it because it's so beautiful:It just... feels RIGHT. They look scary but not scary, and Max's pajamas! OMFG, they need to mass market those. And I love the song, and Spike Jonze. AND I went to college with Paul Dano, so I should get a complimentary Max's pajamas in my size. I want this movie now. Please.Vampires* I saw the trailer for Thirst when I went to see Watchmen: The Director's Cut in New York. I was a bit distracted by the impending awesome of Watchmen, so I didn't pay much attention, but I have since gone back and watched the trailer for Thirst. And I have to say, priests make the best vampires (or vampire hunters, *coughbuymybookwhenitcomesout*) and this looks twisted and sick and not sparkly AT ALL. So we all need to go see it, because it would make me very happy if Hot Topci started mass-producing shirts of this movie, and lunchboxes. That's change we can believe in.Russell Brand* Here's a video of Russell talking about goat farming. Clearly he read my blog, and wants to buy a little goat tower, and we'll have babies named Walter Brand and Ianto Brand and Hunter Brand, and raise goats, and be happy. Look, it's Wednesday, I am TIRED, and the man is discussing GOATS. Life is surreal, OK? (Ten points if you get the joke in that last sentence).Jackie Earle Haley* First of all, go listen to the Podcast of Win, World Peace Through Jackie Earle Haley. Then check out the community. It's brilliant. And fun. And you will learn more than you thought possible from the internet, and be a better person, AIRTIGHT LOGIC. * This is an old interview, but I love it a lot, and it was done before Mr. Haley's career exploded again into its current awesome state. I mean, I know most of his fans know this, but the guy had to live at home and deliver pizzas for a while AFTER he was a child star. He fell HARD. And then he came back, and now he's better than ever, and WHEN does Shutter Island come out? And I think Maniac Cop 3 was an under-appreciated cinematic masterpiece. Have you seen it? Then you have not seen ANYTHING, my friends.Plus, he orders pizza with pineapple and bacon.Iron Man* Read about parts of Iron Man 2. Because all you people are so worried about the internet of Doom leaking all your movies and trailers, but I have seen JACK SHIT of any of the movies I have been trying to find, so your argument is INVALID, and dammit, I want to to SEE War Machine. This is why I am jealous of every single person who went to Comic-Con. ALL OF YOU.In other news, I need an intern. To do shit for me. Because I'm lazy. Also I haven't bitten my nails since June. I think I deserve a reward. [Made by Erin_Uniquename]That'll do nicely.- LV
. But I cannot afford one, for many reasons, and also I do not need one, since I have a car. But I still WANT one, dammit, and this is the children's version, and I'm short (5'0") so why can't I have one of these?[Found at IncredibleThings]It's called a Dareway, and it's cute, and I promise if you get me one I won't make the face that little boy is making, or run over someone unless they really, really deserve it. Politics* Jeb Bush gave a very nice interview. I have nothing snarky to say about it. His answers are intelligent and well-reasoned, and I am posting it because I think it's interesting. What? I can't just post things without being vicious and bitchy? You think so little of me. It's very sad. Fine, every time someone mentions Jeb Bush, I think of that line in Family Guy where someone makes a crack about Jeb eating a puppy. Snarky enough for you?* Dear Birthers: Barack Obama is an Australian, and all Australians are CRIMINALS, and also he's white and his name is David, and he's fifty. Because someone Googled birth certificates, and Google is never wrong, except when I type in something innocent like 'shoes' and Google Images interprets it as 'People having sex with farm animals while the farm animals wear shoes.' So clearly Google is always right, and our President is Australian, but all the Australians I've met are very polite, so maybe it's not a big deal, yes? Or maybe, I don't know, this is someone else's birth certificate. I think Democrats and Republicans can find some common ground here, yes? The President is definitely not from Australia. PEACE IN OUR TIME.Awesome* This kid is my hero. He's seven, and he doesn't want to go to church, because kids generally have problems sitting still for more than three seconds unless a TV is involved. So does he have a temper tantrum, as I would have? No. He STEALS THE CAR. And DRIVES AWAY. He is a BAMF. This kid is going places, I tell you. But probably not to church.
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. This was the best part of the movie. Well, that and Parker Posey's hair]Movie!Win* I keep watching the trailer for Where The Wild Things Are, and getting emotional over it because it's so beautiful:It just... feels RIGHT. They look scary but not scary, and Max's pajamas! OMFG, they need to mass market those. And I love the song, and Spike Jonze. AND I went to college with Paul Dano, so I should get a complimentary Max's pajamas in my size. I want this movie now. Please.Vampires* I saw the trailer for Thirst when I went to see Watchmen: The Director's Cut in New York. I was a bit distracted by the impending awesome of Watchmen, so I didn't pay much attention, but I have since gone back and watched the trailer for Thirst. And I have to say, priests make the best vampires (or vampire hunters, *coughbuymybookwhenitcomesout*) and this looks twisted and sick and not sparkly AT ALL. So we all need to go see it, because it would make me very happy if Hot Topci started mass-producing shirts of this movie, and lunchboxes. That's change we can believe in.Russell Brand* Here's a video of Russell talking about goat farming. Clearly he read my blog, and wants to buy a little goat tower, and we'll have babies named Walter Brand and Ianto Brand and Hunter Brand, and raise goats, and be happy. Look, it's Wednesday, I am TIRED, and the man is discussing GOATS. Life is surreal, OK? (Ten points if you get the joke in that last sentence).Jackie Earle Haley* First of all, go listen to the Podcast of Win, World Peace Through Jackie Earle Haley. Then check out the community. It's brilliant. And fun. And you will learn more than you thought possible from the internet, and be a better person, AIRTIGHT LOGIC. * This is an old interview, but I love it a lot, and it was done before Mr. Haley's career exploded again into its current awesome state. I mean, I know most of his fans know this, but the guy had to live at home and deliver pizzas for a while AFTER he was a child star. He fell HARD. And then he came back, and now he's better than ever, and WHEN does Shutter Island come out? And I think Maniac Cop 3 was an under-appreciated cinematic masterpiece. Have you seen it? Then you have not seen ANYTHING, my friends.Plus, he orders pizza with pineapple and bacon.Iron Man* Read about parts of Iron Man 2. Because all you people are so worried about the internet of Doom leaking all your movies and trailers, but I have seen JACK SHIT of any of the movies I have been trying to find, so your argument is INVALID, and dammit, I want to to SEE War Machine. This is why I am jealous of every single person who went to Comic-Con. ALL OF YOU.In other news, I need an intern. To do shit for me. Because I'm lazy. Also I haven't bitten my nails since June. I think I deserve a reward. [Made by Erin_Uniquename]That'll do nicely.- LV
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