Superman Owns A Pair Of Alan Moore Pajamas.

My house has been invaded by tiny, tiny ants that elicit the following responses: 'Aww, they are so tiny and cute I want them to live GET OFF ME OH SWEET LORD THEY'RE EVERYWHERE.'

Lots of stuff today. The world is busy and often frightening, and as your stalwart blogger, it's my duty to sift through the bullshit every morning, before I stumble off to work.

* You know the only thing worse than a corrupt, twisted, fairly stupid governor? A high-minded, loud-mouthed, preachy, fairly stupid governor. Screw it all, I miss Blago. When else will I get to hear a guy indicted for corruption compare himself to Ghandi? When, I ask you? Also, I think someone needs to explain what populism actually is to this guy. Even if I am kind of looking forward to him saying, 'I'm gonna put the 'rep' back in 'depression.'

* I have to admit, despite the extreme awfulness of most of Michael Bay's movies, I have kind of a soft spot for the guy. Mainly because of that commercial, where he basically admits to being a tool who likes big explosions, and that sort of self-aware egotism tends to win me over. This article, about him arbitrarily killing off Transformers that he doesn't like, sort of embodies both these characteristics. Warning: If you don't want to know which robots in disguise die in the next flick, you shouldn't click. That rhymed! To make up for that, here's that commercial. Why it entertains me so much, I can't really say.



* People wonder over my ironic love of Michele Bachmann. I mean, she's an elected official. She has power. There are people that agree with her. Frightening, yes? And yet, I can't work myself up into any sort of panic, because this woman is completely and utterly fucking nuts. She makes Sarah Palin look like a thoughtful and introspective woman, and Blago the bastion of rationality. The fact that she got elected to anything is indeed pretty scary, but I do not live in Minnesota, so I can pretend her babbling doesn't effect me at all. More to the point, she's nuts. We cannot forget that. I mean, the woman is worried about 'negroid re-education camps' for our children. This is something that keeps her up at night. And you expect me to take her seriously? Next week, Miss Bachmann will be screaming about how the duck population is putting fluoride in our water supplies, so they're Communists, buy guns and kill everyone who isn't you, the end. This is why I love politics.

* I think The Matrix in 3-D would make me throw up. Not for any moral reasons, but the idea of all that green exploding in your eyeballs is a bit much. Also unnecessary; the sequels were pretty awful, but the first Matrix was a classic of action movies. It doesn't NEED to be in 3-D. It is awesome just the way it is. That being said, if they made a 3-D version of ANY zombie movie, I would explode with joy and buy all the tickets. So, you know, go make 3-D zombie movies.

* North Korea is so funny that it almost makes me forget that they LAUNCHED A FREAKING ROCKET THAT COULD POTENTIALLY KILL US ALL, even if it did fall into the water and shame the entire nation. This article features their attempts to prove that spending obscene amounts of money to chuck a rocket into the water was all part of their Master Plan. They did it thirty-five minutes ago.

* This is the greatest and best thing ever in the history of God and Man, and should scare you all shitless with its moral and philosophical implications:
The Snuggie and Slanket can EAT SHIT. The Sealpelt is here, and life suddenly has purpose and meaning.

And, as if that's not life-changing and profound enough, he also offers us this gem:
Words are insufficient, but the website helps.

* Read this article, because it's about Hunter S. Thompson and the accident that spawned Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Oh, and Shakespeare and some other writers. Who I don't care so much about.

* This website has bags and clothing made out of synthetic skin that look real. Like, Silence of the Lambs girl-suit real. This is only OK if the zombie apocalypse has come, and you are REALLY cold and - no. This is never OK. It's kind of funny, but more frightening.

* Jackie Earle Haley is Freddy Kreuger in the new Nightmare on Elm Street. I'm not worried about whether he'll be good - Jackie Earle Haley, AKA Rorschach, is always good in everything. I'm more concerned that the rest of the movie will be made of suck, and I will have to sit through two hours of bad tween acting just to see him give a terrifying and wonderful performance. If they cast any of those whiny chicks from 'The Hills,' I will be mightily displeased. And please don't let Rob Zombie direct it. Do you remember what he did to Halloween? Yeah, I don't want to talk about it.

* OK, this picture has fully managed to reignite my interest in Harry Potter. And my love for Alan Rickman, even if he is roughly ninety years old and has a habit of being in inexplicable movies that are totally disturbing (An Awfully Big Adventure, anyone? If you haven't seen it, you probably shouldn't. Some shit should not be seen by mortal eyes). Anyway, behold Rickman in all his Snape glory, and bow before his badassery and sexiness.

He's judging you with his eyes, and finding you lacking. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince may, in fact, be awesome. And if it sucks, I'll just stare at the poster for a few hours. I'm flexible.

* Iron Man 2! Iron Man 2! God damn, Robert Downey, Jr. can ROCK a suit. He's also the only man who can smoke a cigar and STILL be sexy. Cigars are gross. Although Don Cheadle, who I love, still looks a bit too slender and lithe to beat the shit out of villains. Then again, Rorschach is tiny (Except for his arms, which Obama is going to label a national landmark, soon), and he fucked up EVERYONE. So what do I know?

* My tattoo is almost fully healed. I've had it for a week today. It is still awesome. And no longer itchy, hooray.

* OK, time to get ready for work. I'm working every day this week. Money is good. Then I can plan my escape from this godawful town and run away with Russell Brand, and all will be well. Did you see him nekkid on the internet? Everyone is nekkid on the internet, at some point. That's the magic of PhotoShop.
- LV

PS Per usual, title of the blog comes from a twisted need to pervert these sayings.

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There Is No Theory Of Evolution, Just A List Of Creatures Alan Moore Allows To Live

As per usual, I have nothing to say, because it's Monday and raining and I have work. Also, the news is almost aggressively depressing, like MSNBC's new slogan is: Because Suicide Means Our Numbers Go Up! or something equally banal.

Speaking of banal, crying at the end of a manipulative, badly-made, soulless movie like Marley & Me is a fail. Having to actually leave the building in which the movie is playing because you are so upset is a MASSIVE, ENDLESS FAIL. Jennifer Anniston is in it, for fuck's sake. Do you know how SHAMEFUL that is? Not that I cried, or anything. How dare you impugn my honor and good name with such slanderous bullshit?

* This is depressing. Like, endlessly depressing. Who went and saw this movie?! I want names and addresses, so that I can go to their houses and LECTURE them, because come ON. It's a movie about cars. Don't give me any crap about plot. It's about the cars. And while they are very sexy cars, and I wouldn't mind lying on the hood of one or two of them, THIS DOES NOT WARRANT NUMBER 1 AT THE BOX OFFICE. IT DID BETTER THAN WATCHMEN. You people make me SICK. I hate movies now. Movies, and puppies.

* This is a really fascinating article about secret identities in superheroes, and the nature thereof.

* I finished my reread of Watchmen last night (and by 'reread' I mean, 'I have read this book so many freaking times that I have chunks memorized') and the ending still upsets me terribly. SPOILER ALERT ahead, although if you've been reading this blog AT ALL you should know every plot aspect of the comic by now. I mean, Rorschach DIES, horribly, and it's AWFUL and SAD, and NOBODY mentions him. Oh, yeah, Jon and Adrian are all 'He didn't understand.' 'Don't worry he's not getting to civilization, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN BECAUSE HE'S EXPLODED NOW.' But otherwise, nobody mentions him. Does Dan actually think Rorschach WALKED back to New York from Antarctica? Or rode his little scooter? And even if this was physically possible, as his ONLY REAL FRIEND, don't you have an obligation to try to talk him out of it, or stop him, or FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED?! I'm sorry, this makes me shouty. And forgive me Alan Moore (for this, as well as the titles of my blog entries as of late), but I do like that in the movie, Dan at least SEES and REACTS to Rorschach's demise. AT LEAST SOMEBODY NOTICES AND GIVES A SHIT.

Um, END OF SPOILERS AND PSYCHOTIC YELLING. Now I'm reading The Fountainhead, because people on the internet told me I had to because of my tattoo, and the internet is always right. Always.

* I am apparently writing the wrong kind of blog, because so far Russell Brand is not leaving me erotic comments. Neither is Edward Norton. Life is cruel.

* Yet another depressing thing. SOME MOVIES DO NOT NEED SEQUELS. Ghostbusters II sucked. This does not bode well for a third installment. And the first one was so good it doesn't NEED any more sequels. Just let it be enjoyed for the good, scary fun it is.

* I do not understand technology enough NOT to be terrified by batteries that run on my sweet, sweet blood.

* There is a condom you spray on. For girls. Meaning you spray a nanocondom INTO your unmentionables. This is never, ever OK. A guy asks you to do this, spray the shit in his eyes. Then steal his wallet and go to Vegas.

That's all, for now.
- LV

PS Per usual, the title of this blog entry is a bastardization of the wisdom found HERE.

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Alan Moore's Orgasm Leaves An Exit Wound.

* I keep forgetting to mention that I watched part of the last episode of E.R., a show I only sporadically watched, like when Quentin Tarantino directed a few episodes. I never really cared. But in the last episode, I got so sad when little old Ernest Borgnine was all sad about his dying wife. Plus he looked like my grandpa, who is also old and adorable.

* How terrifying would THIS have been? According to IMDB, which is NEVER wrong, here are some of the people who could have been cast in Watchmen, . THIS COULD HAVE HAPPENED, PEOPLE:

- Daniel Craig as Rorschach: I... What? WHAT? Daniel Craig is HOT. Rorschach.... isn't. Daniel Craig is also craggy and British and suave, and Rorschach... isn't. This is just confusing. I'm almost not upset, because it doesn't make ANY sense at all. He's a good actor, and I like him immensely, but... and isn't he tall? (OK, 5'10", but that's STILL too tall. And the idea of him as a redhead....)

- Thomas Jane as The Comedian: I don't know. This COULD have worked, I guess. But he looks less like a military man and more like an insane hobo serial killer who picks off people because his dog told him to. And I can't picture him with that trademark snarl.

- Simon Pegg as Rorschach: This is officially WTF casting. This may be worse than Daniel Craig. Look, Simon Pegg is frigging ADORABLE. He has those big, bewildered eyes, and he's round and huggable, and he's FUNNY, and not remotely threatening, even with his Rambo bandana and a big gun/cricket stick. He just isn't. Even in Hot Fuzz when he was totally badass and could kill you with his thumb, I was still all DAWWW look at the wee British man! Yes, and let's not forget British. BRITISH IS NOT OK FOR RORSCHACH. Unless you can hide the accent, this will be an enormous problem, especially when the voice is pretty much all you have to work with. However, I am DELIGHTED he's playing Scotty in Star Trek and will cheer him on endlessly.

- Jessica Biel as Silk Spectre II: Ew. Can I have some bland with that bland? And you KNOW Justin Timberlake would have insisted on scoring the movie, and then I would be in jail for murder, so let's all be thankful this never came to pass.

- Nathan Fillion as The Comedian or Nite Owl II: It would have been pretty amazing to see him as a complete bastard, and I think he would have been more than capable of the schlumpy of Nite Owl, but I'm still happy it was Patrick Wilson and Jeffrey Dean Morgan. No offense, Nathan. Castle is an awesome show!

- Hilary Swank as Silk Spectre II: Paul Greengrass, why you gotta play me like that? NO. This is not OK. She doesn't even KIND of look like her, and also I rather dislike Swank, for absolutely no good reason (OK, the reason is that Million Dollar Baby was a steaming pile of suck except for Morgan Freeman, who could make Baby Geniuses 2 look like Shakespeare).

- Joaquin Phoenix as Nite Owl II: His current 'Am I crazy?' bullshit aside, I still don't think this would have worked. He just isn't Nite Owl. I can't see him in the role. Of course, currently I can only see him with his huge beard of staged madness, so that could be part of the problem.

- John Cusack as Nite Owl II: I won't lie; this might have been incredibly cool.

- Sigourney Weaver as Silk Spectre II: This too, although I would have spent the whole movie worried she would just crush Rorschach with one finger, and the movie would be OVER.

- Tom Cruise as Ozymandias: As HILARIOUS as casting a tiny megalomaniac alien in this role would have been, the awful would have quickly reduced my amusement to ragged sobs.

- Jude Law as Ozymandias: He has a Rorschach tattoo (which can't possibly be HALF as cool as mine, and also you're going bald, so I WIN) and he does have that snotty condescension... I can't think up a good reason why he shouldn't have been in the movie, but I'm still happy he wasn't.

- Ron Perlman as The Comedian: This would have been LIFE-CHANGING. But you're only allowed to be awesome in one comic franchise at a time, and also he would have scared the everloving SHIT out of EVERYONE. Because Ron Perlman, when he wants to be, is the scariest mother alive.

- Doug Hutchinson as Rorschach: I know this got a lot of support, but I was extremely relieved when he didn't get the role. Just because he can play creepy very well in on way means he can play Rorschach. Also, Jackie Earle Haley is permanently etched in my mind as the ONLY person EVER allowed to play Rorschach.

- Robin Williams as Rorschach: Well, I just had a small stroke.

- Jamie Lee Curtis as Silk Spectre II: No.... not feeling it.

- Gary Busey as The Comedian: Ladies and gentlemen, the one man guaranteed to be more terrifying than Ron Perlman.

- Richard Gere as Nite Owl II: No, see, Nite Owl HAS balls.

- Kevin Costner as Nite Owl II: I said BALLS.

In other news, missiles are being launched, the writing is on the wall, and the world is more like a comic than I ever wanted, only instead of masked heroes and pirates and AWESOME, we all die horribly, the end.
- LV

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When Alan Moore Deletes Files From His Computer, He Doesn't Send Them To The Recycle Bin. He Sends Them To Hell

OK, I didn't post again yesterday, because I am a bad person. Not really, I just had real life, which has a nasty habit of getting in the way of blogging.

* Monsters Vs. Aliens in 3D was a totally entertaining way to spend a cold, rainy evening. 3D is pretty freaking incredible. I've never seen one before. And the voice talents of Hugh Laurie, Seth Rogen, Will Arnett, Paul Rudd, Kiefer Sutherland, and PRESIDENT Stephen Colbert, is kind of life-changing. I'm not sure how the movie would hold up without the nifty 3D element (the story itself was sort of nowhere, albeit the one-liners were very funny, and B.O.B. is doomed to have his own crappy spin-off, he was so hysterical). AND how can you not love an affectionate, playful homage to all those wonderful, crappy horror movies from times past? Anyway, I enjoyed myself.

* NOW my tattoo is sore. But I still love it. I FORGIVE IT. STOP ITCHING. GAH.

* The Guardian, AKA Giver Of All That Is Good And Pure In The World, has this wonderful piece on the history of internet memes. I still remember, fondly, 'Leave Britney Alone!' mainly for Seth Green's spoof, because I still love Seth Green. TEAM GREEN.

* I don't usually link to Perez Hilton, because frankly he doesn't need any goddamn help getting hits, and he seems to spend most of his time doodling on celebrity's pictures and getting excited about Zach Efron and the Twilight dude, which is something I can't get behind under ANY circumstances. However, this is indeed a rather hilarious picture, and the caption makes it even better, so I'll let it slide this one time.

* Now, I have a much younger brother, so I have seen 'Avatar: The Last Airbender.' It's a surprisingly good show, with complicated characters, well-written plots, and a lot of heavy subtext going on. I'd never call myself a fan, having only sat through a few episodes while babysitting, but my heart still goes out to the loyal fans, who must be having massive anxiety attacks over the fact that M. Night 'PLANTS ARE GOING TO KILL US ALL' Shyamalan is writing and directing the live-action feature film. The set looks pretty cool, but that should not allay ANYONE'S FEARS. BE AFRAID. And, more disturbingly, the guy who wrote this article seems willing to defend The Happening (which will go down in history as one of the worst movies in the history of life in this, or indeed any, universe). Times are tense, guys.

* Am going to find Computer Headsets if it KILLS me (my searches for ANYTHING in New Jersey usually result in hysteria, and fruitlessness, because New Jersey has no natural resources, and no import/export business, and we all live off of Scrapple and coffee and Tab and frozen foods, so when the zombie apocalypse comes it will be a goddamn walk in the park for us, and I am PREPARED- Um, yes, Right. I need a computer headset to talk on Skype, because while my computer does indeed have a speaker, I also have nosy parents who DO NOT respect the privacy of anyone except themselves, so a headset will help. Plus, headsets are effing cool.

* Wonkette looks at all the cartoons, so you don't have to. And I don't, either. GET IT? CARTOONS?! HAHAHA, ehhh I need a lot more coffee

* This is one comic I was looking forward to, for nostalgia among other reasons (like a life-long crush on Corey Feldman, no matter how weird and creepy he insists on being in real life), and I'm still fairly bitter it turned out to be fairly suckish. I could have a better comic. The artwork is good, though. So I GUESS there's that.

* I get very frustrated with comics, the way I do with books, because there are too many to read, and I get overwhelmed with wanting to read ALL OF THEM RIGHT NOW, and I can't exactly afford this addiction at the moment, or ever, so I stay away from my local comic shop, which is anyway a very creepy place, as my friend Arre will attest. In this part of Jersey, heterosexual females who read comics are still a rare, nay mythical breed, and the patrons of said comic store tend to stare in wonderment, or propose marriage. Which is funny for exactly 8.6 seconds, before it becomes unsettling, and you want to be left alone.

* THANK YOU, FOR POINTING OUT THAT 'GARGOYLES' IS STILL BARELY OUT ON DVD, AND THAT IS LEVEL TEN BULLSHIT WHO THE HELL MAKES THESE DECISIONS?! THE SAME PERSON WHO WAS ALL, 'LET'S MAKE A CINDERELLA 3 AND A GODDAMN SEQUEL TO BAMBI. Anyway, this article discusses why this show, and others such as Dexter's Laboraory and Betty Boop still aren't on DVD. Weird, yes?

* I do not care that the new Wolverine movie got leaked. I won't try to download it, because that is Wrong, and also I want to see Hugh Jackman's rippling pectorals on the big screen, because I am a LADY, damn it. But I don't care. It's not Watchmen, and therefore is irrelevant. Apparently, however, Fox cares a great deal, and now the FBI is going to skullfuck some poor, chubby hacker who wanted nothing more than to see Wolverine eviscerate people in the comfort of his parent's basement. I could never be a hacker. My computer skills are limited to blogging. That is it. Anything beyond that reduces me to panic, and tears of failure.

* First-graders cry at the drop of a hat. Not because of me - I was told repeatedly that I was the second-best substitute they'd ever had (the first being the one that FELL ASLEEP for several hours, leaving them to their own sinister, seven-year-old devices) - but because of such things as popcorn spilling, the lunch being hot dogs and NOT marshmallow tacos (I don't understand, either), Guess Who? (a game great enough to make the strongest of men weep), and Addition Bingo. First graders - almost like real people, but not quite.

OK, I think this post was long enough and rambling enough to make up for yesterday's weak entry. Today I have to run errands and do LSAT studying, and buy my headset, and hot glue gun sticks (for a project, which I will post, although horrifyingly it has NOTHING to do with Watchmen, which I'm sure has traumatized at least a FEW of my loyal readers), and also watch Marley & Me with my little brother, because he has been begging me. I really don't want to, because A) I hate Jennifer Anniston more than makes sense, B) I hate Owen Wilson for sinking to such levels of suckage, and C) I'm terribly worried that I will actually cry at the end, because I am a famous weeper when it comes to movies. JENNIFER ANNISTON DOES NOT GET MY TEARS.
- LV

PS The title of this post makes me laugh.

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Crop Circles Are Alan Moore's Way Of Telling The World That Sometimes Corn Needs To Lie The Fuck Down

Have to go substitute teach small screaming children, so, you know, no blog entry this morning (except this). I promise I'll post this afternoon, if the small people don't rip me to shreds, or set the school on fire, or something equally awful but sort of funny.

In the meantime, here are some pictures of canned meat, including a whole canned turkey, WITHOUT GIBLETS. When the zombies come, this will be vital to your miserable surival.
- LV

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Alan Moore Invented Black. In Fact, He Invented The Entire Spectrum Of Visible Light. Except Pink. Tom Cruise Invented Pink.

Because I am having a really crap morning, this entry will be brief (but if I feel bad about shafting you all, I'll post again, later, with glorious postage). Anyway, here are links and pictures, to make you laugh/get angry, because that's what I can do right now:

* Robert Downey, Jr. is almost laughably attractive as Sherlock Holmes. Seriously, he causes the giggles, like 'He can't possibly be that attractive!' Jude Law, on the other hand, looks kind of like this guy on the subway who dumped a carton of sour milk on my friend, exposed himself, and ran away laughing. True story.

* Andy Hallet died. This is very sad. He was really great as Lorne on Angel, (I especially loved the episode where he plays a Puck-like narrator for the madness around him, and when we got to visit his home dimension) AND he's the second actor from that show to die at a young age, tragically. That's just fucked up. Numfar, do the dance of sorrow.

* Great interview with Michael Caine about Batman, Heath Ledger, The Prestige, Chris Nolan, and Christian Bale's brainsnap.

* MINUTEMEN PREQUEL HOLY EVERLOVING FUCK. PAUL GIAMATTI CANNOT BE MOTHMAN, THIS IS JUST WRONG. FAIL. However, the rest of the casting is fine. Aaron Eckhart would be good as Metropolis, and Chris Klein has that aww-shucks look needed to be Dollar Bill. And that is pretty much all I can eloquently say about that. Scroll down; it's story number 3, because if it were #1 the universe would implode. (And if you scroll down even further, you see that one failure was not enough for the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Doesn't Alan Moore hate us all enough?)**

* This is a funny Watchmen macro about Moloch that I can't post directly to my blog, for some reason.

* And another, about sekrit gays of Watchmen

* Ah, screw it, here's a third macro, this one about Mothman, and his fucking crazy and strap-ons.

* Apparently, the world needs ANOTHER Men in Black movie. That's what society is clamoring for.

* FINALLY. One of my first loves (yes, his chin and forehead are terrifying to small children, and he's kind of a dick, and he rips off other movies, move on) is releasing a movie that hopefully will not be made of suck. Now I just need to get to Cannes. ROAD TRIP. Involving a boat. And money. Um, and the spelling really bothers me profoundly. Like, when I finally see the posters I will have to be restrained, lest I grab a red Sharpie and start scribbling corrections.

* Russell Brand is at the G20 protests. This makes me very happy, although I can't say exactly why. It may have something to do with his hat.

* My tattoo is healing incredibly well. The first one was, for days, a scabbing, oozing, extremely painful mess. It's also a lot bigger, but I still think it wasn't supposed to OOZE BLACK CONSTANTLY FOR TWO WEEKS LIKE I WAS AN EXTRA IN AN ALIENS MOVIE. Ahem. Anyway, this one is scabbing, because that's what tattoos do, and it hurts whenever my dog JUMPS on me and scratches it, and I scream, and then get yelled at for overreacting because nobody is sensitive to MY pain, and - sorry, tangenting. Anyway, it's healing much better than the first one, and I love it, and would stare at it stupidly all day, were it not for the unavoidable fact that most people would assume I am smiling fondly at my crotch, which is not the image I am aspiring towards.

* OK for now. May post later. May not. Have subbing duties tomorrow (for the first time in a while, because the magazine has needed me almost every day, meaning I have forgotten how to interact with small children) and am hoping nobody ends the day in tears/the hospital/jail/the morgue. Aim high, I always say.
- LV

PS Title of post is a paraphrased quote from This Website. Meaning that when I am brutally slaughtered, it will be by the ACTUAL League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, namely Alan Moore, Vin Diesel, Chuck Norris, and Mr. T. So, silver lining.

** Happy belated April Fool's Day! As if Alan Moore wouldn't raise his unholy Snake Army if he thought they were making another LOEG. Or casting Paul Giamatti as Mothman. That would be almost as unforgivable.

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The Popular Videogame "Doom" Is Based Loosely Around The Time Satan Borrowed Two Bucks From Alan Moore And Forgot To Pay Him Back

In honor of yesterday, which was amazing, (I'll explain later in this post), I will be taking facts from this site and rewording them to apply to Alan Moore (usually just by replacing the names) until I run out of quotes, or lose interest, whichever comes first.

And now, the usual blatherings:

* Did you hear about the dude who got arrested for driving his barstool? And then crashing his barstool? And being very drunk while driving said barstool (before crashing it)? This is why I love America. Exactly this. I wipe a tear from my cheek in honor of my country. This is not sarcasm - I don't want to live in a world without such entertaining folks.

Here is the Barstool: . I want one. I will drive it to work every day, and flip the bird to other drivers, and blow the MINDS of the cops in my town

* Speaking of things and people that make me love America, Blago and his hair are plotting again. I love Blago. I do. We are in tough times. The world could end in 2012, North Korea has a rocket, global warming, overpopulation, the recession, etc. Terror is at level 10. Imagine how much harder life would be if we couldn't laugh at Blago and his thick mane of sneaky locks. Also, points for referencing Blues Brothers in your evil plots. Good on you.

* And shit like this makes me HATE my country, a little bit. If you're going to be an offensive, ignorant racist bitch, at least learn to freaking SPELL. Now I have to be all, 'She's horrible and racist and I hate her and SHE CAN'T EVEN SPELL 'BUTT.' WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!'

* I think, perhaps more than Watchmen, this movie is required to be seen in IMAX. Tim Burton. Alice. BE EXCITED. Even though we've got to wait roughly 11 months, which is mean.

* Funniest Wonkette post of the week. Spread the word.

* I am not going to see this movie, and frankly I'm a bit alarmed that James Marsters is involved at all. GOOD GOD, MAN. Unless you are a clothes-horse of the first degree, or a crack addict, there is NO REASON you need to be in this movie. NONE. I won't hear your excuses. You sicken me. I expect better from you.

* So how about that Obama - screw it. I just want to post pictures. I got my Rorschach tattoo. I have a Watchmen tattoo. And I love it desperately, and it makes me really happy.

* Now, before I get all squealy about it, I want to explain my reasoning a bit, because some people rolled their eyes and gave me a rather contemptuous look when I told them about my tattoo.

Yes, I love the comic. Yes, I love the character of Rorschach. But I got this tattoo more for what it (and Rorschach) stood for. Not the character's opinions or quirks, (I'm not a homophobic/anti-woman hobo vigilante, to my knowledge, although I do eat sugar cubes) but for his ideals.

He never compromised. He believed in something, and he fought for it, and never wavered in his belief, and was willing to do whatever it took to maintain those beliefs. Even when it would have been easier to give in and roll over, like everyone else, he stood fast, because it was right, and because sometimes that's what you have to do. He never doubted himself, and he made his own morals. Then he stood by them, without fear or regret. And as someone who has, throughout their life, been wracked with self-doubt, anxiety, and the tendency to bend to others' wills, I feel that this is something to remember. Not to be inflexible, but to be true to yourself and the things that are important to you, regardless of what others might say or think. Be who you are, without compromise or apology. Hold fast to your ideals (not politics or opinions, but ideals), and aspire for a better world.

OK, enough of my philosophizing (I tend to get very introspective when I get tattoos, apparently). Also, my friend pointed out the humor that the character of Rorschach would have enormous problems with my tattoo because, A) He doesn't seem like a tattoo kind of guy, and B) It's on a GIRL OH NOES. I too find this funny.

So here are the pictures:
It only took forty minutes, and didn't hurt very much, which I was pleased about. My first tattoo had some moments where I wanted to yell. Plus, my artist was brilliant. He copied the image perfectly (which was itself copied and blown up from the book by an Internet Patron Saint).


I love it, (at the moment it's scabby and hurting). It was funny. I was literally handing over the design to get the tattoo done, and my boss called with a small emergency and asked me to come in to work. So I got my tattoo, then had to go straight into the office and fix some computer issues. My employers were amused. So was I, really.


All my tattoos.


When I showed him the image I wanted, my tattoo artist's first question was, 'Should I straighten it out?' There were not enough letters in the word 'no' to express how 'no' my answer was, but I kept myself in check and just told him I wanted the image exactly, only not pixellated.


Done by Tom at Another Tattoo Shop in New Jersey. Highly recommended (obviously).

And a minimum of squealing like an ass. I'm really growing as a human being. I'm also done with tattoos, for at least a few years. I'm waiting five. Because I don't want to become a compulsive tattooer. I lack the personality for it.

And to all of you who voted that I not get this tattoo, FAIL. MASSIVE FAIL. But I love you anyway, for reading my blog.
- LV

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