My house has been invaded by tiny, tiny ants that elicit the following responses: 'Aww, they are so tiny and cute I want them to live GET OFF ME OH SWEET LORD THEY'RE EVERYWHERE.'
Lots of stuff today. The world is busy and often frightening, and as your stalwart blogger, it's my duty to sift through the bullshit every morning, before I stumble off to work.
* You know the only thing worse than a corrupt, twisted, fairly stupid governor? A high-minded, loud-mouthed, preachy, fairly stupid governor. Screw it all, I miss Blago. When else will I get to hear a guy indicted for corruption compare himself to Ghandi? When, I ask you? Also, I think someone needs to explain what populism actually is to this guy. Even if I am kind of looking forward to him saying, 'I'm gonna put the 'rep' back in 'depression.'
* I have to admit, despite the extreme awfulness of most of Michael Bay's movies, I have kind of a soft spot for the guy. Mainly because of that commercial, where he basically admits to being a tool who likes big explosions, and that sort of self-aware egotism tends to win me over. This article, about him arbitrarily killing off Transformers that he doesn't like, sort of embodies both these characteristics. Warning: If you don't want to know which robots in disguise die in the next flick, you shouldn't click. That rhymed! To make up for that, here's that commercial. Why it entertains me so much, I can't really say.
* People wonder over my ironic love of Michele Bachmann. I mean, she's an elected official. She has power. There are people that agree with her. Frightening, yes? And yet, I can't work myself up into any sort of panic, because this woman is completely and utterly fucking nuts. She makes Sarah Palin look like a thoughtful and introspective woman, and Blago the bastion of rationality. The fact that she got elected to anything is indeed pretty scary, but I do not live in Minnesota, so I can pretend her babbling doesn't effect me at all. More to the point, she's nuts. We cannot forget that. I mean, the woman is worried about 'negroid re-education camps' for our children. This is something that keeps her up at night. And you expect me to take her seriously? Next week, Miss Bachmann will be screaming about how the duck population is putting fluoride in our water supplies, so they're Communists, buy guns and kill everyone who isn't you, the end. This is why I love politics.
* I think The Matrix in 3-D would make me throw up. Not for any moral reasons, but the idea of all that green exploding in your eyeballs is a bit much. Also unnecessary; the sequels were pretty awful, but the first Matrix was a classic of action movies. It doesn't NEED to be in 3-D. It is awesome just the way it is. That being said, if they made a 3-D version of ANY zombie movie, I would explode with joy and buy all the tickets. So, you know, go make 3-D zombie movies.
* North Korea is so funny that it almost makes me forget that they LAUNCHED A FREAKING ROCKET THAT COULD POTENTIALLY KILL US ALL, even if it did fall into the water and shame the entire nation. This article features their attempts to prove that spending obscene amounts of money to chuck a rocket into the water was all part of their Master Plan. They did it thirty-five minutes ago.
* This is the greatest and best thing ever in the history of God and Man, and should scare you all shitless with its moral and philosophical implications:
The Snuggie and Slanket can EAT SHIT. The Sealpelt is here, and life suddenly has purpose and meaning.
And, as if that's not life-changing and profound enough, he also offers us this gem:
Words are insufficient, but the website helps.
* Read this article, because it's about Hunter S. Thompson and the accident that spawned Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Oh, and Shakespeare and some other writers. Who I don't care so much about.
* This website has bags and clothing made out of synthetic skin that look real. Like, Silence of the Lambs girl-suit real.
This is only OK if the zombie apocalypse has come, and you are REALLY cold and - no. This is never OK. It's kind of funny, but more frightening.
* Jackie Earle Haley is Freddy Kreuger in the new Nightmare on Elm Street. I'm not worried about whether he'll be good - Jackie Earle Haley, AKA Rorschach, is always good in everything. I'm more concerned that the rest of the movie will be made of suck, and I will have to sit through two hours of bad tween acting just to see him give a terrifying and wonderful performance. If they cast any of those whiny chicks from 'The Hills,' I will be mightily displeased. And please don't let Rob Zombie direct it. Do you remember what he did to Halloween? Yeah, I don't want to talk about it.
* OK, this picture has fully managed to reignite my interest in Harry Potter. And my love for Alan Rickman, even if he is roughly ninety years old and has a habit of being in inexplicable movies that are totally disturbing (An Awfully Big Adventure, anyone? If you haven't seen it, you probably shouldn't. Some shit should not be seen by mortal eyes). Anyway, behold Rickman in all his Snape glory, and bow before his badassery and sexiness.
He's judging you with his eyes, and finding you lacking. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince may, in fact, be awesome. And if it sucks, I'll just stare at the poster for a few hours. I'm flexible.
* Iron Man 2! Iron Man 2! God damn, Robert Downey, Jr. can ROCK a suit. He's also the only man who can smoke a cigar and STILL be sexy. Cigars are gross. Although Don Cheadle, who I love, still looks a bit too slender and lithe to beat the shit out of villains. Then again, Rorschach is tiny (Except for his arms, which Obama is going to label a national landmark, soon), and he fucked up EVERYONE. So what do I know?
* My tattoo is almost fully healed. I've had it for a week today. It is still awesome. And no longer itchy, hooray.
* OK, time to get ready for work. I'm working every day this week. Money is good. Then I can plan my escape from this godawful town and run away with Russell Brand, and all will be well. Did you see him nekkid on the internet? Everyone is nekkid on the internet, at some point. That's the magic of PhotoShop.
- LV
PS Per usual, title of the blog comes from a twisted need to pervert these sayings.
Lots of stuff today. The world is busy and often frightening, and as your stalwart blogger, it's my duty to sift through the bullshit every morning, before I stumble off to work.
* You know the only thing worse than a corrupt, twisted, fairly stupid governor? A high-minded, loud-mouthed, preachy, fairly stupid governor. Screw it all, I miss Blago. When else will I get to hear a guy indicted for corruption compare himself to Ghandi? When, I ask you? Also, I think someone needs to explain what populism actually is to this guy. Even if I am kind of looking forward to him saying, 'I'm gonna put the 'rep' back in 'depression.'
* I have to admit, despite the extreme awfulness of most of Michael Bay's movies, I have kind of a soft spot for the guy. Mainly because of that commercial, where he basically admits to being a tool who likes big explosions, and that sort of self-aware egotism tends to win me over. This article, about him arbitrarily killing off Transformers that he doesn't like, sort of embodies both these characteristics. Warning: If you don't want to know which robots in disguise die in the next flick, you shouldn't click. That rhymed! To make up for that, here's that commercial. Why it entertains me so much, I can't really say.
* People wonder over my ironic love of Michele Bachmann. I mean, she's an elected official. She has power. There are people that agree with her. Frightening, yes? And yet, I can't work myself up into any sort of panic, because this woman is completely and utterly fucking nuts. She makes Sarah Palin look like a thoughtful and introspective woman, and Blago the bastion of rationality. The fact that she got elected to anything is indeed pretty scary, but I do not live in Minnesota, so I can pretend her babbling doesn't effect me at all. More to the point, she's nuts. We cannot forget that. I mean, the woman is worried about 'negroid re-education camps' for our children. This is something that keeps her up at night. And you expect me to take her seriously? Next week, Miss Bachmann will be screaming about how the duck population is putting fluoride in our water supplies, so they're Communists, buy guns and kill everyone who isn't you, the end. This is why I love politics.
* I think The Matrix in 3-D would make me throw up. Not for any moral reasons, but the idea of all that green exploding in your eyeballs is a bit much. Also unnecessary; the sequels were pretty awful, but the first Matrix was a classic of action movies. It doesn't NEED to be in 3-D. It is awesome just the way it is. That being said, if they made a 3-D version of ANY zombie movie, I would explode with joy and buy all the tickets. So, you know, go make 3-D zombie movies.
* North Korea is so funny that it almost makes me forget that they LAUNCHED A FREAKING ROCKET THAT COULD POTENTIALLY KILL US ALL, even if it did fall into the water and shame the entire nation. This article features their attempts to prove that spending obscene amounts of money to chuck a rocket into the water was all part of their Master Plan. They did it thirty-five minutes ago.
* This is the greatest and best thing ever in the history of God and Man, and should scare you all shitless with its moral and philosophical implications:
The Snuggie and Slanket can EAT SHIT. The Sealpelt is here, and life suddenly has purpose and meaning.
And, as if that's not life-changing and profound enough, he also offers us this gem:
Words are insufficient, but the website helps.
* Read this article, because it's about Hunter S. Thompson and the accident that spawned Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Oh, and Shakespeare and some other writers. Who I don't care so much about.
* This website has bags and clothing made out of synthetic skin that look real. Like, Silence of the Lambs girl-suit real.
This is only OK if the zombie apocalypse has come, and you are REALLY cold and - no. This is never OK. It's kind of funny, but more frightening.* Jackie Earle Haley is Freddy Kreuger in the new Nightmare on Elm Street. I'm not worried about whether he'll be good - Jackie Earle Haley, AKA Rorschach, is always good in everything. I'm more concerned that the rest of the movie will be made of suck, and I will have to sit through two hours of bad tween acting just to see him give a terrifying and wonderful performance. If they cast any of those whiny chicks from 'The Hills,' I will be mightily displeased. And please don't let Rob Zombie direct it. Do you remember what he did to Halloween? Yeah, I don't want to talk about it.
* OK, this picture has fully managed to reignite my interest in Harry Potter. And my love for Alan Rickman, even if he is roughly ninety years old and has a habit of being in inexplicable movies that are totally disturbing (An Awfully Big Adventure, anyone? If you haven't seen it, you probably shouldn't. Some shit should not be seen by mortal eyes). Anyway, behold Rickman in all his Snape glory, and bow before his badassery and sexiness.
He's judging you with his eyes, and finding you lacking. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince may, in fact, be awesome. And if it sucks, I'll just stare at the poster for a few hours. I'm flexible.
* Iron Man 2! Iron Man 2! God damn, Robert Downey, Jr. can ROCK a suit. He's also the only man who can smoke a cigar and STILL be sexy. Cigars are gross. Although Don Cheadle, who I love, still looks a bit too slender and lithe to beat the shit out of villains. Then again, Rorschach is tiny (Except for his arms, which Obama is going to label a national landmark, soon), and he fucked up EVERYONE. So what do I know?
* My tattoo is almost fully healed. I've had it for a week today. It is still awesome. And no longer itchy, hooray.
* OK, time to get ready for work. I'm working every day this week. Money is good. Then I can plan my escape from this godawful town and run away with Russell Brand, and all will be well. Did you see him nekkid on the internet? Everyone is nekkid on the internet, at some point. That's the magic of PhotoShop.
- LV
PS Per usual, title of the blog comes from a twisted need to pervert these sayings.
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